to do that day. you feel so envious. but then you think, but i would have to wear something besides my underwear. so i will stay here and keep trying to write jokes. >> also, you can wear somebody else's underwear. getting started in a comedy. [laughter] >> having a background in live tv teaches you a lot of things. one is that nothing is that precious. the audience is coming in at 11:30 p.m. on saturday night. if you do not have the script, people turn on nbc, there will be a black screen. you get a certain amount of adaptability which is really fun in the theater. it also teaches you, in the case that we had with this novel, you suggest. i remember one time had "snl ," gilda and i, about 2:00

a.m. on friday night, which is saturday morning. we were going into a restaurant to work on a thing called roseanne roseanna danna. the "new york post" delivered a pile of papers that said mr. ed dies. the talking horse on tv. this was the headlines. >> this is the first i am hearing of that. [laughter] >> so i went to a phone and called lorne. i said, listen, i have got some bad news for you. [laughter] mr. ed died. he said, alan, it is 2:00 a.m., there better be more to this call. i said, well, tonight on the show, can we interview mrs. ed, the grieving widow? he said, you find a horse, we

will do it on television. i called the guy in charge of props. now it is 2:15 in the morning and i am a jew in new york looking for a horse. >> on the sabbath, no less. >> so i said, i need a horse for the show tonight. he said, what kind? [laughter] i said, a horse, you know, a knowhorse. he says, there are palomino, a clydesdales, more. what do you want? i am going, all right, a picture mr. ed. who would he choose for a bride? get me that horse.

i go home, sleep, shower, go back to the studio. there is a horse there. for the 7:30 p.m. audience, i wrote a piece. bill murray is the weekend that big guy. gilda is going to play the voice. in dress rehearsal, the horse was coming back. it was the widow, so we put a black veil and little hat on the horse. the horse was let in. bill said, did he suffer much. no-oo-oo, he went quietly-y-y. something happened with this horse between the time of dress rehearsal and when he saw the red light in knew he was on television. because -- did he suffer much? the horse to started going in

circles. flipped out. we had no script. gilda going, oooh, so upset. the horses leaves the studio, goes down a corridor at nbc. lorne says to the cameramen, follow that horse. gilda says, i am is so upset, i am going to throw myself out a window. it was all good. you make adjustments and move forward. whew. [laughter] [applause] >> who knew 37 years later you would be in this situation. >> it was all building to this moment. >> a nice segue. >> i had to bring it back. >> given that, well -- will

there be a "lunatics 2"? >> absolutely not. yes, i do not even care if we have a book. it is like going on tour with alan zweibel. very entertaining. like watching him try to find the gate at the airport. >> you make it seem like i am the rain man. >> he would be able to find the gates at the airport. [laughter] you see the parents with the thing that connects their wrists to the children. that is what i need with him. >> alan on book tour, you have to go to many different cities and make connections. you pack a small carry-on suitcase. when we met for the book tour in new york, alan had a suitcase that had wheels.

it would not go in the overhead. the question was, with the plane take off? he had a garment bag. i said, what did you bring? he said that he brought, -- >> amongst other things, i brought two bathing suits. >> he brought two bathing suits. a book tour. you get a schedule. you go on all these interviews. you'll do this, whatever. what is never said it is 3:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m., swimming. [laughter] >> i brought a black one and a blue one, depending on what color socks i was going to be wearing to the swimming pool that day. [laughter] >> well, they put you in a nice hotel. there could be a swimming pool.

>> i thought it was practical. >> it was very entertaining. i hope we write another book. if for no other reason, to see what he brings. >> we will pick two other characters and a situation. >> we have a title. "the brothers karamozov." what do you think? they like it. >> and do you miss the newspaper world at all? what was that experience like for you then? >> i do not really miss it. i did like it. i did it for like 25 years, writing a weekly column. at some point i thought, i know i have done this for a long time. i would rather stop doing it before people say, oh, you're still doing it? i occasionally write for the newspaper. i go to the conventions. i go to the olympics.

i happen more have -- i have been having more fun at writing a books. >> how much fun was the writing this book? >> this was the most fun i ever had writing a book. it did not feel like work at all. i was e mailing jokes to alan to make him laugh. that is really what it felt like. he was still sending the chapters. i do not think he realizes that the book is actually out. [laughter] neda i am rain man. >> it is incredibly fun to read. it is so funny. you have answered some of this. since you're surprising each other with the chapters. i guess we're going to cuba -- i will show you. was there in the editing when it was done? or did you go with what you had? >> occasionally, and i will not

name names -- [laughter] 1 of us would apparently not have really read the other ones chapter. >> you know, i have a lot of stuff. i have three kids. i have stuck in my life. >> i would send a couple questions. in the previous chapter, they were in cuba and they were both male. [laughter] and one other point, i do not know technically what this would be called. but we were maybe a quarter of a way into the book, and alan killed all the main characters. [laughter] >> that could be a problem. >> i said, maybe you want to rethink that. >> i do not think they would die from that hike, ok? break a leg, you know.

>> things like that, continuity issues, i guess. i do not remember the question. >> i do not either. i think we're getting close to the time where we're going to take questions from anyone who wants to get up and ask them. line up at the microphone. in the meantime, i was wondering -- actually, someone in the audience was wondering. alan -- >> yes? >> what don't we know about billy crystal and/or larry david that you want to share with the international radio audience? which can probably be picked up in l.a. billy is like my closest friend. he and larry are both my buddies. larry david, when we all started out, we used to sit back in the

back of the improvisation or whatever club we were in it just to watch larry. he was the comedian's comedian. back then he had hair like larry from the three stooges. he had wire rim glasses. he would get on a stage on a friday night at the improv. the crowd was predominantly suburban predominantly wouldblue hair. a pure suburban crowd. larry would get up. he will look at them and the first words out of his mouth -- you know, i feel very comfortable with you people. in fact, i feel so comfortable, i am thinking of using the true form of the verb instead of usted. i was laughing my ass off.

it was so funny. the audience was like an oil tank. he had no idea what they were looking at. he kept on going. as said, i think a lot of people miss use the tu form of the verb. for example, when it they stabbed caesar. he said, et tu brutus? is that policies are, i just step do, if there's any time for usted, it is now. tumbleweeds down the aisle. larry would say, the hell to all of you and he leaves. but we knew that someday, somehow -- no one would predict what would happen to him, but we knew he was a genius. >> what about billy? >> nicest guy in the world.

what you see is what you get. when i wrote "700 sunday's" with them, i was honored to do it. direct for long island jewish family is not really a stretch. he has a real big heart. there are no secrets. i cannot tell you anything you do not know. he is a wonderful family man. married to his wife for 40 or 41 years. a couple of kids, about three grandchildren. >> woody allen wrote jobs for local newspapers and comedians. you wrote for comex. does that still happen? >> that is a good question. >> leno, letterman -- they all have staffs. but if you're talking about starting up, most comics writer

their own stuff. but they buddy up. that is what larry did with jerry. >> can you teach somebody to be funny, to write comedy? do you have it or do you not? what about being funny? >> no. [laughter] >> either you have it or you do not. >> you do not. [laughter] >> no, i do not believe you can teach people to be funny. i think people can hone it and get better. but i do not think anybody who has no sense of humor is going to get one. do you? >> this is so exciting. the youngest member of our studio audience has submitted to

the microphone. i have to say one thing. please keep your questions short and to the point. >> what point? comments. with that, the floor is yours. >> i have a quick statement before my question. it is not like there is a line. >> he is funny. you cannot teach that. >> actually, dave, i want to thank you. when i was in high school, my cousin gave me one of your books, "dave barry talks back." i have not read anything like it before. i was on my couch laughing out loud. i went to college couple of years later and said i wanted to try this. i was at usc. i wrote a weekly humor column in

a similar style to yours. i ended up writing 100 of these every week, every night. >> and you are homeless now. >> sincerely, it was one of the most rewarding experiences i had done, so thank you for that. >> is that the statement or the question? >> the statement. >> he is so much more a fan of mine and yours. if anybody has any questions about deli, i am here for you. sliced meat? i am here for you. hitler, bin laden, and this kid. i hate him. >> you're right about that head comment.

>> and you are standing pretty far away. [laughter] >> in transitioning from writing your short for humor to yearlong for narrative, what was the biggest challenge? >> being brave enough to try it. i was in my 40 pause before i even tried to write a novel. i said i did not know how to do it. if you read a lot, and you can figure out what you're supposed to do -- the hard part is -- the difference is, in the novel, the long form, you need some sort of plot. when i wrote a humor column, i never a word about any structure. there was no point. it was pretty clear. you read them. >> thank you very much. >> you're welcome. >> now we have another question.

>> i do not have a statement. >> actually, that was a statement. [laughter] >> my question to both of you is -- dave, your books have such a breath of topics. alan, saturday night live is such a huge thing in terms of the topics. where you get these ideas, where do they come from? >> we have no useful skills. i am dead serious. we have talked about this. 3o was t thing, and the code got crinkled, i could not do anything. >> the mental energy the other

people are using to make useful products in the world, things that people need, we have spent our entire lives trying to amuse ourselves. that is all we know how to do. so we are better at it than people who have real jobs the them i think that is absolutely right. if you want to feed your family, let's say, you have to discipline yourself. there is also a way of looking at the world. once again, my friend larry david, he would take a little more salt and make a whole meal out of it. it is about looking at the world with a certain attitude. >> there are a lot of people who are funny and have a sense of humor, but they get sidetracked into productive work. we do not let that happen. [laughter] >> i am afraid we are out of time. as hard as it is to believe. [applause] >> thank you.

>> i do not even think we can ask a final question because it would take us past our time. >> our thanks to dave barry and alan zweibel, authors of "blue knit 6." -- lunatic." we also want to remind everyone here in the room that copies of the book are on sale in the lobby, and our guests will be here to autograph them. >> anyone have a pen? >> we appreciate your allowing them to make their way to the lobby as quickly as possible. this meeting of the commonwealth club of california is adjourned. [applause]

>> good morning, everyone. my name is naomi kelly, city and minister -- city administrator. welcome to the portola neighborhood. we're celebrating the successful efforts to revitalize san bruno avenue. this city has had a great partnership with the portola never its steering committee, where some of it's never the investments include streetscape improvements, from planting trees and leaves to utility

underground in and fixtures and to install office saw improvements and much more. today, mayor edwin lee will talk about launching the investing in iran initiative. joining him is supervisor malia cohen, robert ramirez from the portola neighborhood steering committee, and many department heads, including jennifer from the office of economic and workforce development, ed harrington from the san francisco public utilities commission, regina from the small business office, bevon from sf hope, and revitalizing our commercial corridors has been near and dear to mayor lee's heart since his days as director of dpw and as city administrator and down as mayor. whether it did the dpw community

corridor program, ambassador program, or the challenge grant, the mayor is always asking us how can we strategically deploy our resources to revitalize these aboard commercial corridors in areas that need it the most? with that, i would like to introduce mayor edwin lee. [applause] >> thank you, city administrator. good morning. welcome to the portola neighborhood. that is the pronunciation that i learned many years ago when we were picking up garbage in these little pockets all over this san bruno avenue. and we learned that very quickly, because the neighborhoods fell that we were not door to make investments in our neighborhood, and if we did not, it would go downhill very quickly. so we started with a number of debra agencies to work together along this corridor. guess what, a few years later with that kind of investment, we have trees alive here. we have got sidewalks that are

not only clean, but they have been redone. you have got signage at both ends this a welcome to portola. as a result of that investment, there is a vibrancy that i have not seen in other corridors comparatively. one of the statistics i want to make sure you know is that during the years where this great recession that hit all of us, i think the city's self tax -- maybe we did a little better than other years. maybe 3%. this corridor along san bruno experienced an 8% increase in sales tax, just because people believe in this neighborhood and continue to come in here, not only for the coffee shops. for the giver and clubs, at the activities, youth activities, -- for the different clubs and activities, positive activities and the neighborhood

investments. i could talk all day long about job creation. as you know, cougin recent weeke have been announcing the big leases with a successful technology companies. that is excellent for the city. it is very much in downtown and south of market and in our mission area. but i want you to know that we're paying just as serious attention to our neighborhood corridors throughout the city. yesterday i walked with carmen chu, supervisor chu throughout the teravelle district and got a good sense of some of the challenges and listened to the copy shop owners, the insurance company owners, some of the other areas where they are giving us and put about how we can improve all along that commercial corridor. this morning, i got the and breakfast with supervisor malia cohen just a block away, and we

talked about the different sections of san bruno, how wonderful of an emperor of man that has been over years of effort that has been a collaborative -- how wonderful of an improvement that has happened over the years of effort. this is the kind of framework that we wanted to continue establishing throughout all of the commercial corridors, the merchant corridors throughout the city. as we walked along third street yesterday with the opening of the kitchen, that was exciting. we commented on how positive the feeling was. it is a framework that wanted to make sure that you know as we discuss things like the revolving loan fund at the board of supervisors, as we discussed programs were we're linking an technology challenges with our neighbor minutes. we wanted to do it in a framework in which the public knows we're bringing together all of the different

departments in all of our neighborhood corridors, to make sure you know we are going to take care of a lot of things. this is just an announcement here or there, it is an announcement in concert with everything else we are doing. the most important thing is that you know we are working with neighborhood leaders when they come into the corridor. it is not about a parklet that is going to be isolated. it will be embraced by the residences and businesses that will use that. make sure that it is a part of the vibrancy. that they have input to the leadership in developing. every one of our corridors, and we're going to look forward to not only teravelle, noriega. supervisor of a los -- avalos wants is to pay attention to the geneva corridor. bernal, as well as the traditional corridors. we're going to be working on ideas about a small business

loan and what it means to get resources out here where people feel, maybe they're reading the paper every day and see that we're paying attention to the downtown and south of market interest. we're not and inlet. we're just going to be as investment-friendly to our merchant corridors throughout all of the city. even as we set the agenda for the old redeveloper over subcommittee, we are going to be paying attention to all of the kind of commercial corridors that they pay attention to as well, whether it is midmarket are outlining areas like san bruno avenue. that is the framework in which we wanted to make sure the discussion continues. it is the portola, the neighborhood that has been out here. the neighbors that want to continue investing, want us to invest in debt. it is a coordinated and collaborative effort. today we begin identifying the key partners and leaders. so i wanted to announce that noami kelly is the city

administrator and will be working with jen matts as kind of the two leaders in this initiative of the neighborhood investments. the neighborhood investment initiative is going to reflect collaboration of all of the different elements that made a san bruno successful. in an addition to the small business loans, we're going to have a lot of other ideas. where do we bring more of our community ambassador program as we invest in that? where do we bring in the collaboration with our police department here today, where they can have more visibility so people can feel safe? how do we get our office of small business -- regina is here today, to get their programs out where needed, and to lecture the commissions are paid attention to all of the different corridors. this als