a line. >> he is funny. you cannot teach that. >> actually, dave, i want to thank you. when i was in high school, my cousin gave me one of your books, "dave barry talks back." i have not read anything like it before. i was on my couch laughing out loud. i went to college couple of years later and said i wanted to try this. i was at usc. i wrote a weekly humor column in a similar style to yours. i ended up writing 100 of these every week, every night. >> and you are homeless now. >> sincerely, it was one of the most rewarding experiences i had done, so thank you for that. >> is that the statement or the

question? >> the statement. >> he is so much more a fan of mine and yours. if anybody has any questions about deli, i am here for you. sliced meat? i am here for you. hitler, bin laden, and this kid. i hate him. >> you're right about that head comment. >> and you are standing pretty far away. [laughter] >> in transitioning from writing your short for humor to yearlong for narrative, what was the biggest challenge? >> being brave enough to try it. i was in my 40 pause before i even tried to write a novel.

i said i did not know how to do it. if you read a lot, and you can figure out what you're supposed to do -- the hard part is -- the difference is, in the novel, the long form, you need some sort of plot. when i wrote a humor column, i never a word about any structure. there was no point. it was pretty clear. you read them. >> thank you very much. >> you're welcome. >> now we have another question. >> i do not have a statement. >> actually, that was a statement. [laughter] >> my question to both of you is -- dave, your books have such a breath of topics. alan, saturday night live is

such a huge thing in terms of the topics. where you get these ideas, where do they come from? >> we have no useful skills. i am dead serious. we have talked about this. 3o was t thing, and the code got crinkled, i could not do anything. >> the mental energy the other people are using to make useful products in the world, things that people need, we have spent our entire lives trying to amuse ourselves. that is all we know how to do. so we are better at it than people who have real jobs the them i think that is absolutely right. if you want to feed your family, let's say, you have to discipline yourself.

there is also a way of looking at the world. once again, my friend larry david, he would take a little more salt and make a whole meal out of it. it is about looking at the world with a certain attitude. >> there are a lot of people who are funny and have a sense of humor, but they get sidetracked into productive work. we do not let that happen. [laughter] >> i am afraid we are out of time. as hard as it is to believe. [applause] >> thank you. >> i do not even think we can ask a final question because it would take us past our time. >> our thanks to dave barry and alan zweibel, authors of "blue knit 6."

-- lunatic." we also want to remind everyone here in the room that copies of the book are on sale in the lobby, and our guests will be here to autograph them. >> anyone have a pen? >> we appreciate your allowing them to make their way to the lobby as quickly as possible. this meeting of the commonwealth club of california is adjourned. [applause]

>> started in 1990. the citizens of the marina district came to the fire department and asked for a program to survive for 3 days. there is a 70 percent chance we will have a 6.5 earthquake. 71 large fires. 40 major rescue operations. [inaudible]. rescue operations there were 34 structure fires we need 275 engines to handle this. we have 41. you will be on your own and we

should be prepared. we will go over the merge training program. part of the training program is helping you make the decisions that will save lives. in this situation this person carrying a pail of water to put out the fire will not put out the fire. how many people have used a fire extinguisher before. >> may be 10 percent of you. by the end of the week you will be putting out a fire with a fire extinguisher. you don't want to learn out to house an extinguisher when they big fire is in front of you. when you turn off your natural gas and water. hazardous materials will be

talked about next week. 35-40 percent of you. you will find out that all of you have hazardous material in your home. the third week is disaster medicine. you, going into a room spending 45 seconds on one person into 3 life saving techniques. by the fourth we we will teach you as search and rescuers how to keep yourself safe by identifying safe and none safe building to go into. sometimes objects are too heavy for you to liftoff of a body. we will teach you privying which will use anything you have, wood or cement blocks so

you is see that people can lift heavy objects off of people. now, you have to have a plan. every program needs to have a plan. we can't say, here are your skills. class 6, after half an hour we will split you into teams of 10 people each. putting out the fires. you will go into a dark room and doing a search. you will be treating people with injuries on them. be doing privying. lifting heavy objects off of a doll and giving iv and turning off utilities. we are building you up to the hand's on scenario. >> what do you do? let's say you feel a tremor and it's going to shake, what are you going to do?

all right. 40 people said -- >> where we going to go? >> under a table. >> [laughter]. >> going to be survival of the fitef. fittest. if you have a table go under the table. look above you, what's going to fall. what's going to hit your head. most of the chairs decent. if you are in a movie theatre or stadium what do you do? the same thing. these chairs are not heavy dutiy but covering your head is most important. if it's an empty room go against the wall and cover your head. a lot of cut in disaster heads and arms will get cut. those you can control the

bleeding where as the head injury is harder. cover your head, the most important thing to do. we cover, beaware. 15 seconds. in the marina people said it felt like a minute. if you are covering yourself under the table and it's shaking what will happen in 30 seconds? you look up, where's the table. hold on to the table. if you are inside, stay in don't go from the known to the unknown. if you are downtown in an office building or shopping at macy's, do you run in the middle of the street? no. you stay where you are. how much time do you have? seconds. you have to make a decision within seconds. if you run to the street what will happen?

>> get hit by a car. you have windows, glass to fall on you. high rise. if you know where you are, stay there than to go somewhere you don't know what's there. once it's shaking between 30 seconds to a minute and once it's over, things will fall and tip over. give it time to move around. of course, if there is danger coming to you, you want to move. so, picture these buildings. against the wall. will i go behind this wall? lean against it, cover my head?

no. the pictures frames. if they come off and hit me on the top of the head, more injuries. be aware of that target. look behind you before you lean against the wall. sometimes wrong place at the wrong time there is no way to get down this way. try to find a [inaudible] place if you can. get next to something that's sturdy that will block up against you. how much time do you have? short. >> this picture, what's a good spot? round ones. >> make sure there are no windows on top of you. if you go to that one notices sky lights above. they will fall down and hit you.

either table is fine. stay away from the windows you will be better. make sure you go between the windows and make sure the glass does not pop and cut you. >> elevators, what do you think? you don't get in elevator? no. you will be stuck there for awhile. if you go down the stair well. if there's an earthquake and you are in a high rise building. ing -- no. if it hadn't collapsed in the disaster chances are it will stay up. outside, where's an open area? high rise building when glass breaks it floats it with hit 2 blocks away from where it falls.

if you are outside, you want to look up and make sure nothing is coming toward you. there is 3-5 feet of glass on market street. top of that you are going to have office furniture and debris falling into the street. even if you are in a car if you are next to large, brick buildings and if collapsed on you there is no safe place to go. how about here. the safety spot is second base. no doubt about it. you have 60,000 people want to go to second base. people get injured jumping chairs. go between the chairs, cover your head and get your head below the seat. there is a lot of crud down there. the chairs will break the fall.

if you stop, someone behind you will hit you. so, slow down, pull to the side of the road. stay with the car until the shaking stops. you need protection for your head. if there are wires near your car, don't get out. don't park under or over an over pass under a bridge, under trees, power lines and next to freeway side walls. you know what freeway side walls are. >> these are the spots you don't want to park. in the city there are a lot of spots like that. that's pretty common response -- my experience with driving.

i was driving going hope. home i had to go 2 miles. it took 3 hours to drive 2 miles. it was my unwillingness to give up my car. i could have gotten out of my car and walked home. i'm driving i thought it would be easier if i had walked. on the freeway? this person out of his truck survived. he got out and waited for help. there are a lot of people who have certain skills will get to them. how about the bay bridge? if you have to drive after, drive slow. 5-10 miles per hour. look ahead to see if the roads are difficult to maneuver. even if you have a motorcycle

it's hard to drive around this area. sometimes it's easy to walk than to drive off. the fifth, 11 people died, 6 were here. they were waiting for the family members to get off. it was by a masonry building with glass. have emergency supply kit. at least 3. one for home, work one for the car. emergency supply kit you want one for home you want for 5 days. our old standard was 3. after hurricane katrina we participate 5 days. for work a lot of work places have supplies. make sure they do. if they don't keep one for

yourself and may be your coworkers. a first aid kit a flashlight any pair of shoes in case you are driving you have to get out. water. how much water do you need for 72 hours? if you use the hot water heater you have to turn off the gas. if you don't stop the gas it will light up and cause a little explosion or fire. vegetables. the back of the tank you go up and treat water with bleach. but remember, it should be a fresh pot of bleach. once you open bleach it looses the effectiveness of the bleach. one capful for a gallon of

water. wait 20 minutes. wash your hands. wait a half-hour, to drink it, tastes like pool water but it kills germs. >> what kind of food do you want to keep? open the fridge don't open it too much. eat all perishable food first. you want to save emergency supplies. what emergency supply food do you want to /kaoepl. keep? energy bars. dry food. canned vegetables. can corn, can peas, you can drain that and drink the water and eat the vegetables. buy can food that you eat

normally. and a can opener. first aid kit, have 3. have you a small one in the car, have a nice sized one for home and make sure you have one at work. make sure if you are a diabetic or have a heart condition, something that you normal take have a little supply. have a storage area for this. consider this. if you have a supply kit, make sure you have one that's mobile. mobile meaning, if you have to evacuate a square mile for disaster or terrorist or anything, have it in there with you in case you are on your own for a bit. you might not be in your home. you might be somewhere else. there's a tsunami coming in.

if you have kids at home what do you keep for them? make sure you keep them entertained and have food they like. the most useful tool in a disaster? scissors. if you use clothes you will be cold. [inaudible]. duct tape. many uses. you want garbage bags. line the toilet with trash bags. you want to line it, line it up use the tape, tape it around.

the other bag to hold it. put a second bag in there. in a disaster you don't have to go outside you use your own bathroom close the door. you have one lined on the toilet, you take it out and tie it up. comfortable shoes. if you have one in the trunk of your car that's great. also have one at work. get an old pair of sneakers, put it in your bag and put if under the desk. if you have to walk home you have comfortable shoes. pet food. make sure you have food and water for them. kids, too. make sure you have stuff to keep them entertained. after 2 hours, you will be in

trouble. be aware of that. information. these are the initially, you are going to have all the radio stations will have emergency broadcast system. they will tell you where to go. where's the shelter supplies. initially after any disaster all the radio stations will broadcast on what's happening. the news to tell you what's happening. after that they will broadcast the evacuation centers. where to get medical help. one per floor for fire extinguishers. if you don't know how to use it we will talk about it in class number 2. you need a unification site. if you pick up the home phone and don't hear a dial tone, try

again. make sure there is a land line hard wired to the -- not plugged in. if you can make a phone call you should call somewhere further away. if you have someone out of state that way they are not effected. who's okay, who's not, who has not called yet, that way you know who you are waiting for. after an earthquake or disaster if you know everyone in the family is safe you have no worries. if you work in the city and you live in the north bay, the bridge is down. make that phone call. your family is safe, you are safe. i can do more work helping the people in san francisco than trying to get back right away. your family knows you are okay

and you could be rescuing the city. having a family plan. twice a year we say, change your batteries in your smoke detectors and replenish your supplies with new food. your spouses say what are you going to do in a disaster? if you go to school, the school has a plan set in place. if a quake hits they will evacuate to certain areas. you will have to pick them up at a certain age. talk to your family. don't wait for a disaster. you should talk about it tonight. everybody in an event of a disaster meet in the front or back of the house. as soon as you know everybody is safe if you want to get

something that's fine. as long as you know everybody in the family is safe and that person wants to use a garden hose to put out the fire. if you don't this is a possibility. a single story wood structure building is the safest to be in but has to be bolted to the foundation. everybody know where the water heater is. if you haven't change it in 10 years it might be free standing it has to be elevated 18 inches and strapped the top and bottom third. used to be like this. this is 3 quarter inch tape.

top and bottom third and bolted against a stud not just dry wall it has to hit the stud. this is what to look for. the top of the shelves. yeah. when the earthquake hit it moves side sways. a lot of the time filing cabinets, they open the shelf, if you do that it will fall over. lock it or balance the weight out. computers. notice this new computer, here. [laughter]. >> save yourself a lot of money by strapping it down.

putting velcro on it so it doesn't fall off. tip it over all the stuff will fall off. to be properly say it should be 50 feet away from the window. how many people have 30 foot bedrooms? the best thing to do [inaudible] it will break like a car windshield it shatters and staying together. or close the drapes so if it breaks it will shatter on the drapes and it will fall to the ground. multiple pair of slippers under your bed. most of us get out of bed at night time and close our eyes, you know where it is.