think any other city in the circuit city and that is good, but pain and suffering still exists. and it's actually pain and suffering that i have known firsthand. first let me talk a little bit about myself and you can see where i am coming from. in addition to being co-chair of the mental health advocate, i have been successful in many ways in my life and i have been a consumer and if it wasn't for the services actually offered in this city to help people with mental illness, i wouldn't have been able to pull myself out of the darkness. i wouldn't have been able to bring myself here to talk to you. i wouldn't be able to serve on mental health board and i

wouldn't be able to do volunteer work that i do for the mental health association and nami and other groups, but i couldn't have done it if i hadn't gotten help from the city, from the city's services. so first and foremost, i am grateful and there are excellent services and there are gaps too. it's not a perfect system, but i am sort of a late bloomer in terms of mental illness and i actually managed to go through most of life without having a problem. and i am not saying that i didn't have problems, but i didn't think i had problems, but it took a series of crises in my 40s, situations happening together that put me in a tailspin of darkness that i didn't know how to function. still, i thought up to that time, mental illness happens to

other people; it would never happen to me. i never came from a family with a crazy uncle and crazy aunts and those are terms that i used, stigmatizing terms that i used to use, not really knowing about these words and about the importance of language. so the first thing, the first sign that i thought that i had a problem was that i had friends telling me david, why are you missing meetings? why are sleep ing so late? why aren't you participating? why aren't you returning calls? that was sort of a clue that was something was wrong. i would tell them i was depressed, sad and my friends didn't get it. they would say snap out of it. what is wrong with you? since i had no history with depression or so they thought, they thought it was something

that i could just "snap out of." and i actually thought, wouldn't it be nice? maybe i could just snap out of it. and well, 15 years later, i am still slowly snapping out of it. but it was a really long journey and i think the first barrier to seeking treatment in the city, the first barrier that most people face is sort of a self-imposed barrier of a self-recognition that help is needed. some people talk about it as self-applied stigma. i didn't want to admit that i had the problem, because if i had the problem, that i needed help. that maybe i had mental illness and maybe something was wrong with me and maybe i was somehow lesser for having this, and for having suffered this. so having overcome that, i thought well maybe i will reach out. so before i had no idea as someone not connected to the

mental health system or public safety system. i had private health insurance. i had no idea how do i even get help? where do i go? so i would ask friends and interestingly, you ask people in the community, how do you get help for mental health problems? you get a range of input. i was told to go to mediation, which did prove to be good advice, but others advocates spiritual practice or to go to religious practice and others said i need a good exercise program and get my endorphins up and all excellent suggestions that can promote mental well-being, but each, of themselves were maybe necessary, but insufficient conditions for mental illness and pulling myself out of that

mental illness i was suffering. finally i thought, some people said you should talk to somebody, get help, but where do you get help? it actually wasn't clear to me. it was before 311 and 211 and the ability just to call up and get information. okay, google existed back then, but it was a lot simpler and a lot less indexing of mental health services. so i thought i would try it and walk into a clinic and i actually managed to do it and get up the courage to do so. i was told that you need to make an appointment for me, but here is the thing about appointments. while appointments are very well-meaning and of course services have to be allocated based on limited resources, when you are actually in the middle of a panic attack or a severe depression, it's hard to keep appointments at times and you are actually suffering

yourself. unless you have someone really guiding you through it, maybe a full service partnership and not a word i even knew back then, by the way. i had no idea how to kind of keep appointments. and i came from a professional world. so i knew intellectually about appointments, but when you are in the darkness, to have to show up a week or two later for services at the right time, at the right place, or you lose your place, at least temporarily in line. it's hard. it's hard. there are a lot of stops and starts before i started to get connected with services and some of those stops and starts were my own doing, my own sort of self-imposed barriers. yet, i persisted. finally started to talk to someone. and one of the first things that i noticed is that you need the right match between sort of the client or i actually at the time i use the term "patient."

i don't use that term any more, but the patient, the client, the consumer, and the therapist and over the years i have seen a variety of people in the health care profession, psychiatrists, mds who tried to help, psychologists and i found that title was less important than sort of the match of that person's approach and abilitis and where i was at. their ability to kind of understand me and some people got me within one hour, based on their feedback, i felt they understood me. others i went to for months and i felt i was never quite understood. so while i think everyone who works in these health professions all mean well and i believe they all mean well, not all have the ability to help every consumer and one of the lessons that i

learned, if i am not getting help, i just need to switch providers. not to give up and go back to the darkness, but switch providers. because by and large, there are good matchs that can be found. of course this is true in relationships, true in jobs and true in all aspects of life and certainly true in psychotherapy or any cognitiive-based therapy. finely finally i started to get help, but that help came very slowly. another thing i needed to leash how learn how to manage is how fast you can recover? for any kind of managed care program that would limit the number of sessions, say psychiatric or psychological

sessions that someone would receive, i think a profound disservice is happening and we'll see what happens when the affordable care act takes effect next year, 2014 and what we'll have in terms of managed care and there will be managed care for mental health. if i was limited to even a 20-session limit, i wouldn't have even gotten to the point i have gotten today. i would still be in the darkness. i would still be a horrible mess. so it took me years, years' of therapy and it did finally work for me to pull out of the darkness. and finally, what helped me, and was something that i would recommend to anyone seeking help in mental health is to actually do volunteer work in the healthy professions. i started to do volunteer work for the mental health

association and that actually increased my awareness about other programs and services. i started attending mental health board meetings as a member of the public and learning about mental health programs and services. doing the volunteer work sort of opened my eyes to what is available to me as a consumer, to get help. and not only that, it gets to other volunteers and pulled me out of my own kind of inner-focus and pulled me to a external-focus and volunteers themselves are nice people who want to help others and actually led to personal growth as well. i strongly advocate volunteering as a path towards healing for darkness, for people who suffer from mental illness. my journey continues. i continue get better and i have backslides, but i am getting better.

i want to thank you for your time. >> thank you, dr. lewis for your presentation. i would like to open it up to the council, if there are any questions or comments. i don't see any. how about the staff, do you have any questions or comments? no. what about the members of the public? no? thank you. >> good afternoon, council, my name is jackie bison and i want to thank the doctor for his presentation. it was absolutely excellent. one of the books i intend -- is this thing going? i am very honest. okay. somebody -- okay now it's going. one of the books that i intend

to write when i am able to slay the social services evil incarnate people who are preventing me from learning one of the ten computers in our computer lab on-site. they are scared of me as it is with the pen. god forbid i have learned how to use the computer and have access to the cloud and the internet. the reason that that is important is that one of the books that i intend to write is my so-called psychiatric history and that my experience with mental health is that mine is usually better than the person who is trying to treat me, and say that there is something wrong with me, because that is a way of legally shutting me up. that ain't possible.

i will find another way, if i have to invade your dreams. there is a real important aspect of what the doctor said and that is that it's imperative -- i was a guidance counselor to watch up the therapist wanna be with the consumer and i love that word "consumer." and that is the word i use. when i was a guidance counselor and i was required to provide service to students, i could have sabotaged them and i said look, i am here as a tool. and i am here to help you get out of here and get to the next phase in your life and get on, but we need to be able to get along. so what do i need to present to you differently, so that you can hear what you need? like i said, i am a tool. i am a sponge. use me to suck up what you need. very few people in the mental health professions actually look upon their roles as

facilitator. they are there because they want to have cocktail-party conversation fodder. they want to be able to check off certain boxes in sunset in the surveys for funding and grants and those are frankly psychotics unleashed on people and that has to stop. they are not licensed to diagnosis and treat, i don't care how many staff and service that they have or easel boards that they fill with terms and this type of setup in san francisco attracts predators of all kinds and there are those who come hire to prey upon the mentally fragile with

impunity. >> thank you. next on our agenda is another topic called in our own voice, the stories of hope and recovery. a unique public education presentation that offers insight into the hope and recovery possible for people living with mental illness. it includes an overview of nami san francisco and the various programs offered. presentation by anne fischer program director national alliance on mental illness. san francisco gillan croen.

>> she is unable to be here today. >> and nami peer-to-peer mentor and ioov speaker and id yell wilson co-chair mayor's disability council nami peer-to-peer mentor and ioov speaker. >> thank you. we are the san francisco affiliate of the national alliance on mental illness. our mission is to advocate for a life of quality and dignity by providing education resources and emotional support to families and those affected by mental illness. we strive to end discrimination and stigma for all those persons affected by these illnesses through broader

education and collaboration with the whole community. so we partner a lot with the mental health association. we have similar programs to them and where we differ is we have many programs for family members. we have a family to family class that is a free 12-week program taught by family members for family members. providing insight and information to help them help their loved ones who are suffering from a mental illness. then we offer a peer-to-peer program, which idell wilson is one of our peer mentors, a 12-week free course also, taught by peers for peers. sort of a roadmap for recovery. we have provider education which is a new program we're started geared towards providers of mental health and

taught by mentors and family members to give the alternative perspective of living with mental illness. similar will solve, we have a public speaking bureau called in our own voice, which is idell is a speaker and gillian is also one of our speakers, where we go to businesses and schools, and tell our own stories in an effort to fight stigma and educate the public about mental illness. we have a similar program geared towards high school students, called "ending the silence." and parents and teachers are allies where we go into high schools and colleges and middle schools, and try to put a face and a personal story to mental illness as a way to destigmatize and help people seek treatment, maybe earlier. there is considerable evidence to show that the sooner -- the earlier the intervention, the better the outcomes. so

that is our high school speaking program. i am going to hand it over to idell who is a much better public speaker than i to tell the in our own voice presentation. >> thank you very much, council and staff and everybody behind me. i would like to thank nami, oh, my god, that is such a wonderful program. and if you ever would like to publicly speak or get the experience in public speaking, that is one of the speaking bureaus. and again, we have solve here, too, which is another speaking bureau and san francisco, all of these wonderful resources in san francisco. while i am idell wilson and i was born and raised right here in san francisco. i was born in san francisco general hospital, the one that they are going to put down and

the new one is going up. and it is so ironic born there, i went back and work there had as a teenager, too, up on the 7th floor, in the psychiatric ward. and then went back as a patient a decade later, and now a decade later, i am back as a presenter. a speaker. a person who has been in recovery. in in our own voice has five components that we speak about. one is dark days, two is acceptance, three is treatment, four is coping skills and five is success, hopes and dreams. dark days came a little bit for me as a patient -- as a consumer, excuse me. as a consumer, go back to that language. thank you guys very much.

language, language, see, we're still stuck in the language. dark days came from not knowing what was going on with me all of my life, should i say from childhood, teenagehood and adulthood. i knew there was something different, but i didn't know quite what it was. so i had numerous of dark days. they began to open up though as i got a diagnosis, but then again, i got misdiagnosed and i'm trying to figure that one out now. but again, those dark days came from me of not knowing. but now i have more bright days because i know much more than i did then about mental illness and er.g th doesn't com to accept that you are different, to accept that when you come out of the closet and

even let people know that you are dealing with a challenge in your life, accepting that you are going to have to go through all kind of different changes, all kind of different moods. not only your mood, but their moods too. how do you know if you are going to be able to? everyone doesn't accept it, but guess what? i did. i accepted it. i accepted it my own, because it was dealing personally with me and i knew i had to go on through life. so accepting this diagnosis and dealing with it was something that i had to do. next comes treatment. now how was i either going to seek treatment, get treatment or what kind of treatment was i going to do? i did not know. i did get medical treatment, which some people don't, and that is good. because everyone is different.

treatment comes differently for everyone. whether it's a medical model or whether it's a non-medical model. everyone those figure out what type of treatment would be best for them? because again, as i say, we're all individuals, and we're all different. so the illness -- i don't care if it's schizophrenic, bipolar, it all hits us different. it doesn't hit us the same. then you have to learn the coping skills. how am i going to be able to cope with this? and then the others, the world? i mean just the whole bunch of different things. coping skills. you guys, san francisco, again, i have to say is the most resourceful city in the world. if you can find the resources, and here it's just finding them. you have to take your time and

you have to research and then you have to open doors, close doors, but it's here, somewhere in san francisco. and finding the coping skills, we gave you a couple of tools today of different organizations that are here in san francisco and that are working and maybe you can get some coping skills from contacting them or asking some questions from those different organizations. what resources do you guys do for coping skills? and going back to that, too, everybody's coping skills are different. for one of my coping skills, i do a tv show, which is called "black media." i go out into the public and dip into my life and the people's lives in san francisco here. i just tell the truth and i inform and i educate and i let people know what is going on

with mental illness and other illnesss, all disabilities, and others? it's a very, very good show and it's one of my coping skills that i use because it bettered my life and how i deal with what i am going through in life. successes, my success is facing stigma in the face. and i face it in the face every day that i walk out my door. no one knows how i have to prepare to walk out the door. so facing stigma for me is like oh, that is the biggest thing you can do and stigma as we know is pre-judgment and stereotyping and people reading the book by the cover before the cover is even open, you know? saying oh, my goodness, what is she doing up there? you know what i am saying? the

stigma we go through, well, i get up and i face it everyday and i say to myself every morning, no matter what hits me in the face, i am going to get up, even if i don't know how to read, write or maybe even get myself dressed, as well as i can, i'm still going to get up and i'm going to face whatever i'm going to face. this is only personal, you guys. everyone might not be able to do that. i don't know. but this is personal. i get up and i accept it anyway and that is one of my successes. the other success is that i am a very good community leader. i am a mother of four. and a grandmother of four. another success, as i told you, today is the fourth year that i have done a tv show, which is "black diva media" television on public access television and i made it from a council member, a council member, to

co-chair. those are not easy things and i am a nami, peer-to-peer trainer, mentor and speaker. and from the mental health association, i am a soft-speaker, and you guys, i can keep on going on, but i don't have the time for it and i know y'all don't have the time to go through all of that. what it is is recovery, wellness or whatever you want to call it. we're a tool here today. and i want to thank everyone for coming and listening. we're a tool to help you in san francisco. this council, to get through life, hopefully, or get through san francisco. [ laughter ] you know, san francisco, my hopes, you guys are that we can all work together. come together. and work as one on what is going on in our communities?

mental health, physical health, whatever it is, we can work together and teach each other and that is how we can make a better world. my dreams, permanent employment for people with disabilities. have to keep dreaming that that is going to come. a dream one day that you know, we can walk into an office and get a job without a struggle, or without disappointment, or without something that is going to hit us in our face. and again, as i say, teamwork. because teamwork makes the dream work. teamwork. and then you guys, to let us be an example as a council for all over the world. let people come and say we want to go down there, because carla got the baddest council you

know? joanna is the baddest girl in the mayor's office on disability. that is teamwork. we all teamwork together with the mhs, with nami, all of us together so we can have dreams that come true. my hopes is that we all again -- i'm not saying this redundantly, but work together to make this a better world. in our own voice is a speaking bureau, with nami, and it's about when you want to call it "recovery" whichever you want to call it, it's a tool here in san francisco. that is available for you to use. thank you. >> thank you very much, idell. are there any comments or

questions? no? staff, are there any comments? >> thank you, through the chair. >> yes. >> it was more of an observation of today's meeting. i think the council has done a good job of trying to pull the theme of mental health of mental health disabilities from so many perspectives, from the veterans community and the mental health board and we heard about the medical model