jimmy kimmel is >> dickey: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, emily blunt, american hero, u.s. airman spencer stone, and music from rita ora featuring chris brown with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: thanks, everybody. i'm jimmy.

i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming out. i'm glad you're here. i hope you had a fun holiday weekend. a lot of people had the day off for labor day, which means instead of being at work all day checking facebook or at home all day checking facebook, three day weekends are great. a two-day weekend goes by like that. but then when you get a third day, that's when you start to settle in and really enjoy. and then when you go back to work on tuesday, it's like a baby bird stolen from the nest and droppend into a cement mixer or something. the wonderful emily blunt is with us. emily just became a u.s. citizen. she used to be english, and now

eventually she will a'll be mexican, i guess. and you have heard about the guys who stopped the attack in paris. the young man who led the counterattack. he tackled a terrorist. he got slashed with a box cutter in his neck and hand, he saved another passenger's life. spencer stone is with us tonight. [cheers and applause] he's mainly here to make all of our summer vacation stories sound very lame by comparison, between spencer and guillermo, i've never felt safer on this show than i do right now. it was a big start for college football. notre dame, guillermo's a good notre dame fan. >> yeah, we destroyed texas. >> jimmy: we, he's part of the fighting irish somehow.

had to apologize for this controversial formation. the halftime show was supposed to be star trek themed. i guess because marching bands aren't nerdy already, they had to add of star trek to the mix. that is a jay hawk, who they weren't even playing that, is something entirely different. it's supposed to be a spaceship. the band director claims it was supposed to be the starship enterprise going into a jay hawk's mouth, which they weren't playing the jayhawks. but the band director posted this explanation on facebook. he said the chart below represents the drill from tonight's show. there's absolutely no intent to display anything other thaen the enterprise and the jay hawk in battle. if i'm guilty of anything, it would be to teach the drill in a manner these young people could have followed.

i meant no disrespect or malice toward the university kansas. the school suspended the guy. take it from a guy who played the carelarinet in the marching band. students have no idea what sex looks like. apparently, they were feeding a tau key toe to a chicken or something. kim davis, the county clerk who went to jail because she refused to issue same-sex marriage licenses. she got out of jail today. >> would you please help me welcome to the stage, kim davis.

rising up, back on the street did my time, took my chances >> i have no idea what was happening either. i mean, that's the kind of intro you get before you fight the undertaker at summer slam. i guess they were looking for a song no gay person has ever danced to, and "eye of the tiger" fit the bill. and she says she believes so much in the sanctity of marriage so much that she's been married to four different men. if you don't feel comfortable signing a license to let gay people get married, that's all right. just quit. this was a supreme court decision. you're a government worker. this is like refusing to issue drivers licenses because you're amish. i'm sorry, i believe in buggies and buggies alone. here she is after her release

with ted cruz and her latest husband. she's free from jail, but, as you can see, it's only a matter of time before the fashion police throw her whack in jail. work tomorrow. it's kind of unfair, she got a four-day holiday weekend. i hate it when people have to work on labor day. i was going to order one of those same-day delivery things on amazon, but i was thinking about the guy in the truck who would have to deliver it. and i was thinking, i don't need that meat thermometer today. i didn't want my staff to work yesterday either. instead of shooting something new for tonight's show, we cobbled together an assortment of what we call stock footage. these are videos shot for generic use. if you want a video of someone on a skateboard, you can go to stock videos. if you need video of people blowing out candles on a birthday cake, they have it all ready to go. to celebrate labor day we got a

video of happy office workers to create this stirring tribute to working men and women all over the land. takin' care of business whoo takin' care of business takin' care of business takin' care of business every day takin' care of business every way takin' care of business it's all mine takin' care of business workin' overtime takin' care of business we be takin' care of business we be takin' care of business >> that is a different kind of business. that's for you, americans. meanwhile, in our nation's capitol, congress was back in

session after a five-week summer brake. they have until september 30th to pass a budget to ensure that the government stays up and running, or else they will be forced to, well, i guess go back on vacation. nobody is ever happy with congress. according to a recent gallup poll, their approval rating is 14%. but many people who have strong opinions of congress don't know anything about the people who run it. we went out on the street and asked people are you happy with the work congress is doing, and then we asked them to name a member of congress, one member, any member, and that's how this went in tonight's edition of lie witness news. >> my name is t cool from new york, queens. >> and are you happy with the job congress is doing right now? >> they could do a better job. >> how could they do a better job? >> improving the economy, making sure everybody's taken care of, doing better jobs. >> can you name a member of congress?

>> that's a good question. i can't at the moment. no, i can't. that's a good question. >> do you know your representative? >> no. >> okay, you said you're from -- >> new york. >> new york. which part of new york? >> queens. >> it looks like it's representative susan lucci. >> never heard of her before. >> would you like to deliver a message to her? >> representative susan lucci, do a better job of getting people higher pay with their jobs and do a better job with the schools. >> are you happy with the job congress is doing right now? >> why? >> it just seems they aren't listening. seems like there's a lot of things that should be changed, where our jobs are coming from, where they are going. >> and can you name a member of >> oh. >> do you want me to look up your representative? >> yes. >> it's neville longbottom. >> would you like to deliver a

message to him? >> please bring our jobs back. >> are you happy with the job congress is doing? >> not really. >> why? >> i'm not a big obama fan. >> and can you name a member of congress? >> i can't. member of congress. >> none? >> pretty bad, huh? hillary clinton. >> do you want my to name your representative? >> yeah. >> it's ashe catchum. >> would you like to deliver a message to him? >> ashe catchumm, i hope you will vote for donald trump. >> can you name a member of congress? >> a member of congress. i cannot even name our own state representative, so, no, i cannot. >> do you want me to look up the representative for you? >> will you please. >> >> it'skarl malone. >> could you please take into consideration your younger demographic when you're making decisions in congress.

incurring debt, and that's not a way to enter society. education? >> i would allow for limb tohim to make a slam dunk on education. >> are you happy with the job >> kind of. they could be a little better. congress? >> no. >> would you like me to look him up? >> yeah. >> it's grover cleveland. would you mind delivering a message? >> grover cleveland, you're doing a great job, and i'd like to see you in the press more. >> thank you, and i'd like to see you go back to school. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: we have to take a break. when we come back, rita ora will be back with what could be the song of the autumn. so stick around, we'll be right

back. abc's jimmy kimmel live brought to you by hyundai. i have moderate to severe crohn's disease. it's tough, but i've managed. but managing my symptoms was all i was doing. so when i finally told my doctor, he said humira is for adults like me who have tried other medications but still experience the symptoms of moderate to severe crohn's disease. and that in clinical studies, the majority of patients on humira saw significant symptom relief. and many achieved remission. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis.

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[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: welcome back. emily blunt will be here tonight, and, in his first television interview, the kid who jumped the terrorist on the train to paris, spencer stone. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: and music from rita ora. i would be incomplete if i did not mention bachelor in paradise. this is the show on which the rejected suitors from the bachelor and bachelorette go to a tropical location to find their soul mates.

which turns out to be difficult because none of them have souls with which to mate. bachelor in paradise is an important reminder that the human race has not been a rousing success. and a lot happened on the finale. jade roper and tanner tollberg got engaged. i hope they have a kid. i want to see what they name the kid. mommy got rejected by the latch bachelor, daddy got rejected by the bachelorette. not everyone fared as well. most notably in jared put the ka kabash on a history with ashley. >> do you want to go home tomorrow? >> i think i'm leaving right

now, actually. i really wanted to be it, though. >> jerry broke up with me yesterday. and he left, and now i'm in the car. i let him go. and it was really bad. no, but like, close enough. >> jimmy: that's about as near as they get to love. by the way, how much would it suck to be the bachelor of paradise limo driver? everyone's crying. you probably never get a tip, right? we have music tonight from a talented young woman, named rita ora. we had a meeting and decided to make it even catchier if that's possible. we collected a bunch of, you know, those clickbait headlines where they, you won't believe

these five things you eat every day are killing you? well, we gathered a bunch of real lines like that. rita set them to music to create a song i believe will be impossible to resist. here now, the clickbait song, please welcome rita ora. >> a baby re-enacts a bruce lee fight this one strange trick can reduce cellulite watch this brave rescue dog regain his sight you need to see this! i'm clicking you here you're taking me there my mind is barely working clicking on bait clicking on bait you must see monkeys twerking heeeyo heyo 11 people who died while taking selfies

this is what happens when you don't shear a sheep this summer you can't go wrong with a pizza printed thong heeeyo heyo 19 struggles of girls with big butts heeeyo heyo this bunny has perfect luscious donald trump hair heeeyo heyo would you like to see some pictures right now of people kissing their dogs with open mouth and with tongue? heeeyo heyo north west peed on kanye at the vogue shoot ayayayayayayayayaya clicking on bait ayayayayayayayayaya clicking on bait [cheers and applause] >> i think we've got one there.

>> jimmy: i think we do. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from rita featuring chris brown. american hero spencer stone is here. and we'll be right back with emily blunt. portions of jimmy kimmel live were brought to you by game stop. if there's one thing the human foot has always been good at... it's unleashing great power. the is performance line just got a power boost. introducing the lexus is 200 turbo and is 300 awd v6. the is line has never been... more powerful. once driven, there's no going back. at net10 wireless, you can use the phone you already have. and keep your network and number, too. for up to half the cost, only on the bring your own phone plan.

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[cheers and applause]

>> jimmy: we are honored to have him with us. he is an airman first class and moonlights as a super hero. spencer stone is here. he tackled a terrorist on a train. and that is something i've never done, that's for sure. then her big hit song is called "body on me." rita ora. tomorrow we'll be joined by susan sarandon. and later this week, johnny depp, mindy kaling, kathryn hahn, music from mutemath and ricky martin, too. >> jimmy: and this is exciting, next month, we are taking our show to brooklyn, new york the week of october 19th we will be broadcasting from the beautiful brooklyn academy of music. if you want to come see us, this is the first official ticket announcement. go to kimmelinbrooklyn.com for all the information. tickets are free and we've got great guests and good times in store.

golden globe-winning person from england who came to this country and married one of our people. now she walks among us. she is a newly-minted american citizen with a new movie called "sicario." it opens in new york and la september 18th. please welcome emily blunt. [cheers and applause] . >> jimmy: very good to see you. you look fantastic, and i hope you now how thrilled i am that you are one of us now. >> really? did you like that i wasn't before? >> jimmy: there was a wedge between us, i guess, but i don't feel like you've accepted us. >> in a way. >> jimmy: americans, we, you know this. you're an american. we get the sense that when

people come here from england, they kind of look down their noses at us. >> oh, we do, yeah. very much. because we're better than you. but now i'm only half better. >> jimmy: you have to literally look down your nose at yourself. it's strange. and slightly disarming. i'm not sure i'm entirely thrilled. people ask me about the whole emotional. i'm like, it wasn't, it was sad. i like being british. it was the most bizarre day. matthew mcconaughey's wife was getting sworn in with me. mcconaughey shows up looking like he's going on safari, i'm like, you could have worn a shirt and tie. camilla looks amazing. >> jimmy: your husband john was there. >> john was there. i said did you enjoy the whole ceremony? and he said i did, i was doing

next to mcconaughey in that courtroom and saying all rise, all rise, all rise. as i was getting sworn in, i was like this, and i could see him in the peripheral as he was hearing things i have to do, things like renouncing my queen, which was horrible. queen elizabeth, was like, ppppllllttt. >> jimmy: how do you do it? >> you have to say that you renounce any other -- >> jimmy: they specifically mentioned her? >> well, any other sovereign. it wasn't specifically queeny, but she knows. i get to keep my british citizenship and this, but you have to renounce it. but it's typically american, not to be rude, i had to renounce her in the room, but i had to say it. it was like, just say it. you don't have to mean it, but just say it. it doesn't matter.

>> jimmy: that's how we do things. you'll understand. you'll be doing that stuff. they make you take a driving test. >> it is the hardest test i've ever had to take. i guarantee most americans would have no idea how to answer any of these questions. >> jimmy: guillermo passed it. >> which is insane, guillermo, how did you do in the test? >> i study, and it was real easy for me. >> really? >> jimmy: he's no dummy, guillermo over there, he's bilingual. >> did they do the whole thing with you before the test on the american history and the constitution, they do like a background check test where they ask me things like, are you a habitual drunkard? and i said, well, i was last night. and my lawyer was in the room, and he was like -- >> jimmy: no nonsense. >> have i ever been a prostitute. >> jimmy: they asked you that? >> yeah. >> jimmy: those are strange questions.

who would answer those honestly? >> it's interesting the people asking those questions, the officials think, this would be the time someone would come clean, when they're trying to get citizenship. >> jimmy: realizing no one has ever said yes to any of those things. those things don't matter. i have some questions for you, and this will indeed determine if you are an american citizen, are you ready? what are the giant refillable sodas at seven-1lf 7-liefeleven. >> it's not a slurpy? >> jimmy: big gulp. you were close. what does mlb stand for? >> oh, god. i thought he said mib, and i was

going to say men in black. >> jimmy: major league baseball. what does dq stand for? >> someone's motioning something sexual to me over there. he was like this. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] what is it? i don't know. >> jimmy: it's dairy queen. it's ice cream. emily blunt is here. i'll do a few more when we come back. [cheers and applause] we'll be right back. [cheers and applause] [ female announcer ] prepare yourself for the feeling of more water without using more water. with the unique wave pattern of delta h2okinetic technology.

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wherever the journey takes you, carry american express gold. it's more than a card. it's the gear that gets it done. fbi, don't move! >> get down, get down! >> don't move! >> fbi! >> jimmy: that is emily blunt. i heard it came out so great.

our cops don't have guns, they just have a stick they hit people with. it's embarrassing. >> jimmy: they might as well be hitting even other with popsicles. this movie, by the way, i really enjoyed it. it's intense. >> it is intense. >> jimmy: you have the actor you worked with in the wolfman. >> i did. >> jimmy: and josh brolin. >> you need to ask him about his pool parties. >> jimmy: oh, good. let me take some notes. why? what happened? >> it was a pool party where it was specifically worded as that. and he showed up with no swimming shorts and went in in his very thin cotton boxers, and we were, hmm, that's strange, it's a pool party and you didn't bring trunks.

the pool was so cold when he got out, he was like, nobody look, man. and we were all like this. >> jimmy: running from my camera. >> nobody look. >> jimmy: you want a couple more questions? >> yes. >> jimmy: you might be deported. you have to answer one of these questions correctly, okay? fill in the blank here. two, four, six, eight, who do we -- >> appreciate! >> jimmy: that's good. you guys have that one in england? >> yeah, we do. >> jimmy: i won't give you credit for that one. this one's very, very important. if you do not answer this correctly, guillermo's going to drag you off the stage. who is joe montana. >> he was a baseball player. >> jimmy: that's close enough. he was a football player, congratulations. now you are a real american. >> oh, my god, what do i get?

>> jimmy: here's a little something for you, a giant, wrinkly -- >> how incredibly appetizing! i'm not going to eat it. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with spencer stone! [cheers and applause] america to buy a new gym bag. before earning 1% cash back everywhere, every time and 2% back at the grocery store. even before he got 3% back on gas. kenny used his bankamericard cash rewards credit card to join the wednesday night league. because he loves to play hoops. not jump through them. that's the excitement of rewarding connections. apply online or

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to the battle of the band-ers, and the behind the scenes crew, to the fashion bloggers, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and the skaters true, be yourself. kohl's what's the most awarded car company of the year? ranking from top to bottom. luxury cars just seem like they would be top awarded. yeah. there better be some awards behind what you are paying for right? the final answer.

really? i was just surprised. i'm interested to learn more about chevy. let's check out these 2015 chevy's. it's like a luxury car. i was shocked.

we have music from rita ora, with chris brown. >> jimmy: last month, our next guest was on a train bound to paris with his friends when a terrorist opened fire with an ak 47. he saved the lives on everyone on board. it is my honor to welcome, air force airman first class spencer stone. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: wow, i am so impressed with you, i tell you.

[cheers and applause] >> jimmy: that's nice. look at that! [cheers and applause] welcome, thank you for coming. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: you look great, you look healthy. you just got back to the united states, right? >> yes, just a couple days ago on the -- i can't remember. >> jimmy: because of your injuries? >> yeah, i had to go to germany and get my hand taken care of. >> jimmy: how is your hand by the way? >> it's good, it should make a full recovery. >> jimmy: we've all heard the story. some people know the real details of the story. i know there are details that have not been shared yet, but you and your buddies alek and anthony on the train before the incident, enjoying yourselves on vacation. >> yes. >> jimmy: this is when you got off the train. >> yeah. a little different. >> jimmy: yeah. you don't have a shirt on

>> yeah, had to -- >> jimmy: walk us through what happened from your point of view. >> so, i was asleep. i had my headphones and everything, just knocked out. an and i kind of wake up and see one of the train employees sprinting over, and i see alek, oh, crap, what's going on. they look pretty scared. i take my headphones off, and i see the guy, he's docking the ak 47, i was like, he hasn't started shooting yet. down. i sprinted over towards him. i was really, really surprised i made it to him. he cocked the ak, i put him in a myself. and my friend alek and anthony

he ran up, grabbed the ak-47 from him. and right away he grabbed another handgun, pointed it to the back of my head, click, didn't work. god was with me on that one. >> jimmy: no kidding. >> and alek started hitting him with the ak, stop, stop,ston stop, what's going on. all of a sudden he's going like this. i think, what's he doing? he's gripping a disposable box cutter blade. nick on my finger, that's pretty. we're standing surrounding him, and we're all just beating the crap out of him. >> jimmy: he really cut you up. your brother sent us a photograph. these are the stitches that you got in your neck. you didn't feel him doing that while it was happening? >> no, not at all. yeah, he was about one or two inches, if he just went like that i would have been on the

so i'm really lucky. >> jimmy: you say you got lucky, but you could have also not been on that train, i think everybody else on that train got lucky is what happened. [cheers and applause] so you can't believe that you made it to him. were you really, were you thinking -- >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: about what was happening while it was happening? >> the second i stood up i was thinking, i'm getting mowed down right away. five seconds later i hit him, wow, i'm still alive, we've got a chance here. >> jimmy: on top of that, you saved a man's life who had been injured. >> mark. >> jimmy: what's his last name? >> muliani. >> jimmy: what happened to mark? >> he got shot in the back, ricocheted and came out of his neck. and i brief it severed his carotid artery. i looked over, and this was after i choked the guy

i looked over, and he's just squirting blood, got blood all over the front of his shirt. so i ran over there, stuck my finger in his neck, and the bleeding stopped, and i was, like, wow, this medical stuff works, okay! [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: so you're bleeding and you stopped his bleeding. >> i think the luckiest part of all that was my friend alek picked up a bullet he had ejected from the ak and the firing pin hit the bullet. but it was a bad primer, like that never happens. >> jimmy: the president of france gave you the legion of honor, that's the award you got? >> yes, sir. >> jimmy: and did the women of france show their appreciation to you? >> yeah. let's just say i got a lot of facebook messages to translate. >> jimmy: oh, you did? [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: will you be going through these and then traveling back to france? >> i think so. on the plane over, like, remember me?

>> jimmy: i would get a tattoo, i would get had tattoo on my forehead, i was the guy who was on the train! >> train guy! >> jimmy: not a terrible idea, by the way, and you're also getting an honor from the air force, the highest non-combat, although it almost was combat. [cheers and applause] your parents must have been -- >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: terrified and very proud. >> they're thrilled, though. >> jimmy: i would imagine they're thrilled for a couple of reasons. i heard that you're a big golden state warriors fan. >> i am. i am. >> jimmy: did you watch the nba finals? >> you know, i didn't get to watch as many games as i wanted to because i've been on a seven hour time difference, unfortunately. >> jimmy: we have a visitor who wanted to say hello to you. let's go outside and see -- you see that gentleman right there? [cheers and applause] >> you got to be jokin' me! no way.

>> jimmy: that is klay thompson. >> what? >> jimmy: klay doesn't drive stick, so. >> is he stallin' out right now? >> jimmy: well, klay, you can walk. it's only like 15 feet. there we go. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know, these guys make so much money. now that is [cheers and applause] -- klay, come on in. that's not as smooth as we hoping it would be, but here comes klay. [cheers and applause] let's see. klay! [cheers and applause] thanks for coming. come right here. fellas come right here. klay has a couple things for you. [cheers and applause] >> all right. >> jimmy: so that's a championship hat. you got what else, here? >> i got a jersey, my man.

shirt, so he brought you a jersey. >> jimmy: and also, klay, you have the keys to that vehicle? >> i do, my man. >> jimmy: our friends at chevy, this is a brand-new, 2016 chevy camaro convertible. we heard you didn't have a car. and we heard you're moving back to sacramento. do you know how to drive stick? >> i can, i can. i learned in portugal. >> jimmy: beautiful, because that camaro is for you as well. [cheers and applause] this way you never -- the important thing is, you never have to get on a train again in your life, all right? here you go. that's spencer stone, everybody. thank you so much, spencer. it's been an honor to have you here. thank you, klay thompson, and we shall return with music from rita ora featuring

>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by here in vineland, new jersey where progresso light soups are made, we'll never give up our cheddar, our cream, and especially our bacon.

so we figured out a way to add rich ingredients like this into 22 light soups, all with 100 calories or less per serving. so if you want to eat light and not give up rich flavor, do what we do...make it progresso. >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live

samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank emily blunt, spencer stone and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, here to perform her single "body on me" with a little help from chris brown, rita ora! [ cheers and applause ] body on me body on me >> baby let's cut down the lights i just really wanna let this fire burn bright i'm just telling you to have an open mind

just imagine us you're taking me there you're taking me there our lips are barely touching so do it again so do it again we could be on to something hey oh hey oh i just wanna feel your body on me hey oh hey oh if you want it then you got it hold me no more no more wasting time we can we can go all night hey oh hey oh i just wanna feel your body on me ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay aya body on me ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay aya >> put you up against the wall and i'ma go to work 'til you get off

go some more girl just imagine us >> you're taking me there you're taking me there our lips are barely touching so do it again so do it again we could be on to something hey oh hey oh me hey oh hey oh if you want it then you got it hold me no more no more wasting time we can we can go all night hey oh hey oh i just wanna feel your body on me ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay aya your body on me ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay aya body on me ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay aya

ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay aya >> i'm not asking for too much put your fingertips on me >> don't wait 'til the sun's up >> we can keep this in between >> us only nobody >> has to know what's going >> down right now baby hey oh hey oh i just wanna feel your body on me hey oh hey oh if you want it then you got it hold me no more no more wasting time we can we can go all night hey oh hey oh i just wanna feel your body on me ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay aya body on me ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay aya

ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay aya ay ay ay ay ay ay ay ay aya your body on me