richard had all the breeding -- breathing room he needs. to-0 yankees. and then in the seventh, not -- and then in the seventh, still going? not anymore. new york 185-one. -- new york won it five-one. >> pettitte pitched a tremendous exceptional, outstanding -- however you want me to say it. -- to say it -- ball game. one of the year's finest. a tip of the cap to andy pettitte. >> roger federer and sabrina

williams -- serena williams won today. servin on the far korte has won the australian and will moultonwimbledon. it that is just no match. servin on the far court completely in control. -- sirena on the forecourt completely in control. ityou can vote for this week's extra points game of the week. go to our website wbaltv.com. four games to choose from. vote for your choice for the game of the week at wbaltv.com.

click on sports. >> we have the seven-day forecast next. they have alzheimer's and arthritis, diabetes and cancer. they've heard that biomedical research offers hope that it could control, maybe even cure, their disease. senator ben cardin understands the importance of innovative biomedical research, for patients, their families and our economy in maryland. call senator cardin today. ask him to protect the 90,000 maryland jobs biomedical research provides and the hopes of patients everywhere.

it's not just the future it's life. they have alzheimer's and heart disease, diabetes and cancer. and they've heard that biomedical research offers hope, that it could control, maybe even cure, their disease. senator barbara mikulski understands the importance of innovative biomedical research, for patients their families and our economy here in maryland. call senator mikulski today. tell her thanks for protecting the promise of biomedical research and the maryland jobs it provides. it's not just the future it's life.

>> the record low is 53 tomorrow morning. wednesday morning, the record low is 50. it we could start september off with a chilly mornings. we will warm things up to 80 on thursday and friday, but the warnings will be cool and comfortable still. for the weekend, -- the morning's will be cool and comfortable still. >> so we can tell our kids, hey it is too cold to do anything anyway. go to school. >> good night. >> andy: from universal studios in hollywood, it's

"the tonight show with conan o'brien"! [ cheers and applause ] tonight -- norm macdonald from "all about steve," thomas hayden church. and musical guest pitbull! [ cheers and applause ] featuring max weinberg and "the tonight show" band. [ cheers and applause ] and i'm andy richter. now, here's your host, conan o'brien! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> conan: thank you very much.

welcome to the show. yeah. thank you very much. [ whistles ] wow, all right. thank you. all right. i honestly don't know if you're applauding or clearing the smoke in front of your face. that is not a barbecue, ladies and gentlemen. our state is on fire right now. thank you for being here. nice to have you here. this is crazy. it's crazy to be living here now. los angeles literally surrounded by wildfires. now, did you hear this? there's a category 4 hurricane headed towards the california coast, not to mention mudslides are supposed to follow the hurricane, and we're overdue for an earthquake. that's what they're saying. all of which raises the question, "why the hell did i move here?" [ cheers and applause ] why? "well, i'm here in

los angeles!" [ laughter ] just getting off the bus. "huh? why is everyone yelling?" you know, it does seem like the fires are everywhere right now. the fire has even affected the san fernando valley, where most, this is interesting -- where most of the country's pornography is produced. that's true. [ cheers and applause ] unfortunately -- unfortunately, fire officials have been trained to disregard any screams coming from that area. [ laughter ] confusing, yeah. "that happens all the time. forget about that." oh god. [ laughter ] that's what i yell. what are you guffawing about? >> andy: i was just thinking of someone yelling, "i'm on fire." [ laughter ] and it meaning something else. >> conan: thank you. thank you. yes.

hey, some good news for california. i have good news for california. on friday, one of the two winning mega millions tickets was sold in california. it's worth $166 million. isn't that incredible? $166 million. yeah. the winner says that, so far, his relatives haven't asked to borrow money, but governor schwarzenegger has. [ as schwarzenegger ] "give me the money right now!" [ incoherent growling ] [ laughter ] then he eats a sausage. my schwarzenegger always eats a a sausage at the end. reporters in washington are saying that president obama's hair has gotten visibly grayer in the seven months since he took office. have you noticed that? it's gotten grayer. amazingly, each of his gray hairs is the result of a black hair and a white hair being brought together by obama last year. that's what they do, yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] in a new interview, dick cheney says former president bush ignored his advice to take military action against iran's nuclear program.

that's true. bush also ignored cheney's advice to attack switzerland, jamaica and antarctica. [ laughter ] he really -- [as dick cheney ] "we're going to get 'em, see." in afghanistan, a presidential candidate named abdullah abdullah says there has been election fraud, and that he deserves to be president. yeah. abdullah abdullah said, "they're going to hear from my lawyer shapiro shapiro. [ laughter ] and you'll see something. larry king in the news. larry king taped an interview with controversial singer chris brown. and, in the interview, brown said he doesn't remember assaulting his girlfriend, rihanna. [ audience boos ] in response, larry king said, "hey, if we're going to sit here and start listing things we don't remember, get comfortable, buddy." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

international sign for larry king right there. >> andy: good. >> conan: do that anywhere in the world, and they know what you're talking about. >> andy: yep. >> conan: simple travel tip for you. >> andy: if it comes up. >> conan: if it comes up, yeah. oh, it comes up, yeah. this is weird. in illinois, get this, a a 10-year-old boy, who does nothing but collect vacuum cleaners, says he can tell which model is running just by its sound. yeah. the boy can also tell which bully's hitting him just by the feel of his fist. [ laughter and applause ] yesterday, 549 musicians -- 549 musicians set a world record by forming the world's largest mariachi band. [ cheers and applause ] yes. it's good for them and bad for the people who just wanted to have a quiet meal at a mexican restaurant. [ laughter ] [ applause ]

"variety," the magazine "variety," is reporting that sylvester stallone, who is 63 years old, has signed to play rambo again in "rambo 5." [ cheers ] that's true, yeah. there's going to be a "rambo 5," yeah. yeah, in the new movie, rambo goes on several night missions, all of them to the bathroom. [ laughter and applause ] thank you. this is weird. in detroit -- i'm not proud of that. in detroit, police recently arrested a man after he went on a first date with a woman, skipped out on the check at the restaurant, and then stole the woman's car. yeah, afterwards the woman was upset, and she said, "hey, he better have something really special planned for our second date." [ light laughter ] i -- good enough. the -- [ laughter ] no, that was fine. i'll take that. the -- anyone watch the show "the biggest loser"?

all right then. [ laughter ] that was three of you. well, this joke will do just fine then. the next edition -- [ cheers ] the next edition -- the next edition of "the biggest loser" is going to feature the show's biggest contestant ever: a a woman who weighs 476 pounds. [ audience oohs ] yeah, yeah. folks, i don't know who the biggest loser will be, but the biggest winner is the show's on-set caterer. i really believe that's the guy that's cleaning up. [ laughter ] yeah. now we're friends. now we're friends. now we're all friends. cheech and chong -- cheech and chong were in the news. [ cheers ] you can tell a lot by a crowd. all right. cheech and chong -- "hey, wait a minute." are considering doing a a cheech and chong musical on broadway. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. yeah.

either that, or they're just going to get stoned and go see "the lion king." hey, andy, you know what the name of the chitty -- [ laughter ] >> andy: you ruined it. >> conan: chitty. i said that -- oh, shut up. you know what the name of "the lion king" musical is, andy? >> andy: you mean "cheech and chong's musical on broadway"? [ cheers and applause ] that's what you mean, right? stop drinking before the show. [ laughter ] >> conan: it's monday. i needed a little pick-me-up. on mondays, i'm like, "i just need a little help." [ acting drunk ] "it's the musical with chong and cheech." [ laughter ] cheech and chong might do a a musical. >> andy: really? on broadway?

you serious? >> conan: on broadway. you know what it's gonna be called? >> andy: no, i don't. >> conan: "chitty chitty bong bong." yeah. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] what? >> andy: really? >> conan: what? how dare you stand there and judge me? >> andy: no, it's just sometimes it's the journey that counts, not the destination. [ laughter ] >> conan: on that one, both of them sucked. that was a sucky journey and a a crappy destination. hey, did you know that madonna -- [ laughter ] madonna is in israel this week, and she's visiting the wailing wall. madonna's visiting the wailing wall, yeah. the ancient crumbling structure thousands of people have stuck things in said she was glad to be visiting the wailing wall. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

it was announced today -- this guy really liked that one. [ laughter ] it was announced today that -- are you going to be okay? [ laughter ] i'll give you those -- give him those -- give me those jokes. i'm going to give that joke -- that man loved it so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, thank you, conan! >> conan: you love that, right? >> thank you. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> conan: stop rubbing it. [ laughter ] he's rubbing it. >> andy: oh, thank god. you meant the cue card. >> conan: the cue card is what i meant. >> andy: i can't see. on the other side of the -- >> conan: well, you know. [ cheers and applause ] not the journey, it's the destination. >> andy: right. >> conan: let's be friends. where are we now? i forget.

it was announced today, big story, that disney -- you probably heard about this. disney is buying marvel comics for $4 billion. yeah. [ audience boos ] i think -- boo? i think this is great. i think it's going to create some great creative synergy. i really do. in fact, they're already hard at work creating new characters that capture the best of disney and marvel. there's "the incredible duck," looking forward to his appearance. [ laughter ] there's "gooferine" right there. [ laughter ] yeah. and my favorite, "thingerella." i really think "thingerella's" going someplace. [ cheers and applause ] you probably heard oprah winfrey in the news. oprah winfrey is suing several companies for using her name and image to sell products without her permission. yeah, oprah's very mad about that, and she's suing. ladies and gentlemen, like oprah, i have been the victim of companies stealing --

[ laughter ] don't laugh at that. it could happen. stealing -- [ laughter ] that's very rude. stealing -- it could happen. stealing my name and image to endorse their products. yeah. and it's wrong, and it's got to stop. and i'm going to sue. here's the latest ad that's out there. >> conan: hello, this is conan o'brien. i force feed my children three dozen twinkies a day. you should tell your kids to eat them and shut up. >> hostess twinkies. conan says -- >> conan: eat them and shut up. [ cheers and applause ] >> conan: if i got paid -- i just need to get paid. i just want to get paid. i like the ad. i just want to get paid. last week -- i want to mention this -- we, "the tonight show" -- we received an incredible gift. and this was discussed somewhat on our show. the no name premium meats company in st. michael, minnesota created a bust of my likeness carved from 300 pounds of white chocolate with bacon for hair.

we showed it on the program. >> conan: i've long dreamed of this. [ laughter ] but i never thought i'd see it happen. >> conan: it's gorgeous, so -- and i like it so much, i put it on display in one of the statue niches right in front of our studio entrance. we put it on display right there. it's gorgeous. [ cheers and applause ] the only problem -- thank you, yeah. thanks for the delayed applause. anyway, the only problem -- "don't hurt his feelings." the only problem is, we had a a second niche in front of our studio that has remained empty. it's not symmetrical. it just doesn't look right. and it just doesn't look balanced. so this morning, this is the good news, we solved the problem. we received a gift from the amalgamated food corporation of bakersfield, california. they didn't have quite as much time to get their project together. you can tell it's a bit of a a rush job. but check it out, folks. this is cool. it's a bust of andy richter

made -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] yeah, it's made from a bag of soup and a dirty mop. yeah. speaking of last week, we did something on "the tonight show" last night -- i mean last week, that was just to cheer up our audience. you know, people -- people are having a tough time in america. every now and then, we like to do something to just cheer up the audience. and it was a big hit. people seemed to enjoy it. so we're bringing it back tonight. here, for no good reason, just to make us happy, back by popular demand, puppies dressed as cats. get them out here. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats♪ ♪ sometimes life will let you down♪ ♪ and make you say, "oh, drats."♪ ♪ but all of you♪ ♪ are going to love♪ these puppies dressed as cats ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪

♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ >> conan: yeah. ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ >> conan: stop the music. stop the music. okay. hiya, fellas. [ laughter ] our first guest was a cast member on "saturday night live." he's an actor, a comedian, he's our friend. norm macdonald's on the show. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ from the new film "all about steve," academy award nominated actor, thomas hayden church is on the program. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ ♪ puppies dressed as cats ♪ musical guest -- you're blowing your disguise. musical guest pitbull is on the show. pitbull, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] max weinberg and "the tonight show" band. when we come back, i'll announce the winner of our "conan, please blow up my car contest." we'll see you in a second. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ t

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> conan: all right everybody, norm macdonald coming up in just a few minutes. first -- this is very exciting. it's time to announce the winner of our "conan, please blow up my car" contest.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ conan please blow up my car ♪ >> conan: okay, for the past month, we've been running a a contest that puts the government's cash for clunkers program to shame. check it out. we've been searching for the worst car in america so we can cram it full of dynamite and blow it up live on "the tonight show." yeah, and tonight, i'm happy to announce that after an exhaustive search, we have found a winner. now, thousands of people submitted their cars for consideration, and take it from me, folks, they were all amazing feats of junk. just despicable cars. [ light laughter ] there's a lot of them out there. we narrowed it down to three finalists. i'd like to share them with you right now. first, there's the morris' from deerfield, ohio. >> this is a '94 mazda. >> and there's our windshield wiper. our door handle, it don't even work anymore. so conan, please blow up our car! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> conan: our second -- our second finalist is aaron fast from chino, california. check it out.

>> hi, i'm aaron. this is my car. it's a 1980. i use it to drive around. i also use it for work, put the company logo on there. one day at work, i was a little bored. so put it on there. it was hot at work so we just went out and cut the roof off. and i put holes in the bottom of the car to get the water out. seat doesn't stay up in the same spot no more. i have to use this tray to hold it up there. the horn doesn't work anymore. so i put a little -- my own little horn, air horn. someone shot paint balls at me and eggs at me. and it's pretty much it. [ cheers and applause ] >> conan: yeah. and lastly, this video from marcus hudson of long beach, california, caught our eye. ♪ rolling or riding either i can't go that far mister conan o'brien please sir blow up my car ♪ ♪ conan conan blow it up conan blow it up conan conan blow it up conan conan blow it up ♪

♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> conan: he's got a good song, anyway. well, after careful consideration, the winner of the conan, please blow up my car contest is -- aaron fast of chino, california. congratulations, aaron. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. yeah. and aaron, not only are we going to blow up your car this coming friday, that's this friday, we're going to hand you the keys to this brand new lexus hybrid, the revolutionary lexus hs-250-h. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

well, congratulations, aaron. tune in this friday when we blow up aaron's car live on the air and hand him the keys to a a new lexus hybrid. we'll take a break. norm macdonald when we come back. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> conan: all right, everybody. we're back. my first guest was of course, a cast member on "saturday night live." he's also appeared in numerous films including "dirty work." please welcome norm macdonald. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> conan: norm, you old son of a gun there you -- >> it's good to see you, the son of a sea cook. i did a slow walk out because i got a lot of grief last time -- a fast walk out. >> conan: you ran out last time. >> yeah. >> conan: like a greyhound. >> i know 'cause i wanted the audience to get the most jokes, the most bang for their buck. [ light laughter ] >> conan: well, i see you brought -- >> i care about audience more than anyone. [ cheers and applause ] no, what i do is i've decided to

become kind of a social observer. you know me, i like to make jokes about -- hats. [ light laughter ] >> conan: mm-hmm. >> but i said, it's time to grow up, man. it's time to like be a social observer. so i got this -- i got most of my news from "the sacramento bee." [ laughter ] >> conan: you read "the sacramento bee." and you get stories, and that's where you get your -- >> yeah, i just read it and jokes jump into my head. [ light laughter ] >> so, i'll just open it up. >> conan: okay. >> and we'll see what happens. >> conan: wow, this is exciting. [ laughter ] this gonna happen right in front of our eyes. >> yeah, i live. well, can i be completely honest? >> conan: yeah. >> i tried it last night. >> conan: mm-hmm. >> it didn't work out too well. [ laughter ] like, a lot of it -- and then i was like, "my god, i've been reading this story for four minutes." like, "if i do this on 'conan,' you know, everyone will just be looking at me. so, instead i wrote some jokes in. [ laughter ] yeah, they're in there. >> conan: they're in here. >> no. >> conan: they're taped on.

>> a new strain of swine flu that could turn into a a pandemic? like, i don't know much about science, you know? >> conan: mm-hmm. >> i'm not -- i don't pretend to be a pedo-me-ologist. [ laughter ] sometimes id do, but you know that's when i've -- >> conan: okay. >> i've had a little whiskey. >> conan: yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] >> but i do know this. a word cannot be good when it's a combination of panic and epidemic. [ light laughter ] >> conan: so how did this -- [ laughter and applause ] you say this didn't go well last night. >> well, no. [ laughter ] it was a particularly unfunny day. hey, i see squeaky fromme is in the news. [ laughter ] >> conan: what? >> now, you may remember squeaky fromme, folks, as the charles manson acolyte, who many a time you could see in front of the courthouse here in l.a. with a you know, a