so, take a load off and sit down. oh, yeah. that's better. tonight on... we're teeing up something great... tearing into it. you won't believe your eyes. so, get a grip. we're sure to get tongues wagging and blow you away... tonight on... and now the entire cast of the show -- tom bergeron! oh, thank you very much. thank you. thank you very much.

thank you very much. everybody, welcome to the show. every part of this country has its own identity. i think you'd agree with that. nashville is known for country music, seattle for its coffee houses. new jersey is famous for, um, "the sopranos." lately -- lately we've gotten a lot of tapes from a small town that's famous for being -- how can i say this without offending them? -- stupid. uh, you know how every town has a village idiot? well, he's the dean of the university here. so, join me, won't you, as we take a trip to dumbtown. man: come on, stick your tongue on that. woman: triple dog dare ya. welcome to dumbtown, where below average is above par. hey! ow! hold on. let me get a close-up. i can't wait to send this to...

here you go. give me the water. it ain't coming off. look at -- my taste buds are on there. that's sick. man: so, what are you putting in there? another electric wire. keep pushing it! keep pushing it! push it! whoa! whoa! oh. sure, her turkey impression seems funny,

but wait till she finds out it's thanksgiving. dumbtown has an active social life, especially for swinging singles. whoo! here we see the domino brothers hard at work. woman: tom, look out! well, matthew now is up off the ground. everything's okay. and in dumbtown, remember, it's safety last. man: yeah! whoo! ah, yes, life in dumbtown.

if you're looking to categorize "afv," we're considered a reality show. but we're a little different than other reality shows. personally i'm glad. i don't want to live in the outback or have cops arrest me without my shirt on. this is the kind of reality i like, because we keep it real... real funny. ahh! getting little mickey to take his nap is like pulling teeth. ha ha ha! with this kind of attitude, she's going right to the top. some people love karaoke. for others, it gives them a headache.

oh, stanley, in that tuxedo you look absolutely smashing. [ horn honks, wheels screech ] anyone can play, and everyone hopes he can be the next tiger woods. here's some golfers who aren't out of the woods yet. do you ever wonder where the next wave of golfers is going to come from? with all the tips you get about perfecting your swing, sometimes you just got to grip it and rip it! [ glass breaks ]

i told you i needed a glove. what the heck did you swing it for? this hole isn't on the seniors' tour because the stairs are too much of a hazard. always remember -- use enough club. oh, oh. it's all right. the key to a successful swing -- the follow through. now, this truly is miniature golf. woman: you're what? i'm a good golfer.

look at mommy and tell mommy. i am a good golfer. you are. you know one business that never took off? the indoor driving range. uh-oh. i better get a broom. that kid is still on the run. new cars have warning lights for everything -- if your seatbelt is fastened, if your door is open, when you're running low on gas. too bad for this next guy they don't have a warning light when you're running low on brains. look at this! i was trying to back out, and he leaned in to kiss me. and i rolled up his head in the window. ha ha ha! but i can't get it out. what are you doing? ha ha ha! come on, man. help, man. we got to get his head out. how are we going to get it out? should we break the window? i don't know.

you're not breaking the window. what are we going to do? oh, my gosh. i don't believe this. i'm sorry, but you shouldn't have stuck your head in the window. you shouldn't have rolled my head up in the window. ha ha! here. hold on. let me see if i can get it down. no no. don't. you're going to break it. don't break it. she did something. 'cause i didn't want it to go into gear or something. what do i do, todd? was it a fuse? i don't know, man. look and see if you can find it. okay, okay. oh, my god. i cannot believe this. well, i guess it's under the dang dash where it's supposed to be. where's the fuse box? i don't know. this hasn't happened before. this is really cutting off the circulation to my head. those two were loose. weren't they? okay. try it. we get it? i can't see. can you reach the button?

aah! [ choking ] ha ha ha! oh, my god. okay. all right. we got him out. you'll be relieved to know that "america's funniest home videos" will be right back.

(announcer) transform your water. women who drink crystal light drink 20% more water. crystal lit. make a delicious change

what is that i smell? i have to have one. no... i don't. research shows that extra helps reduce snack cravings. you're good, you. extra lasts longer than your wavering will power. keep it performing at its best with benefiber. the clear, tasteless fiber that helps restore your natural digestive balance. while helping rid your body of toxins. that's the beauty of benefiber tom: "afv's" mysterious mysteries of mystery. smallville, illinois -- local bank hires giant repo man. terre haute, indiana -- monkey tires of stench, washes pet man.

man forced to use banana shampoo. brampton, ontario -- baby girl born allergic to earth. parents purchase hover-crib. la sueur, minnesota -- rodent learns mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. woman survives but develops a craving for cheese. oh. calgary, alberta -- elusive spider moose caught on tape. canada finally interesting. bangkok, thailand -- tobacco industry denies targeting teens.

teen thanks world. thank you. okay. once again it's time for the part of the show where the studio audience gets to ask me a few questions in a segment we call "ask tom stuff." once again, i'll be tom. all right. here's our first question. "tom, i work all day and don't have time "to walk my dog. "he still needs his exercise. is there anything you can suggest?" we started with an easy one. here's what you can do. sometimes they're so simple. our next question --

"tom, i prefer to use cloth diapers on my baby, "but i must admit i get a little queasy "washing them out. what should i do?" i have kids of my own. i've been there. here's one solution. just make sure they're the extra absorbent diapers when you do that. i've got another question. "tom, my son wants to learn to swim, but we don't have a pool." here's an idea for you. take your marks... [ beep ] and our final question -- "tom, we live at the beach, "and tourists are always trespassing. "is there a polite way to let them know

it's private property?" hey, everyone. we're here at... [ boat motor whirring ] and it's really cool. aah! okay. that's all the time we have for "ask tom stuff," because right now i'd like you to watch this. take a look. well, it finally happened. pigs fly. moo! [ cries ] moo! [ cries ] moo. [ cries ] moo. [ cries ] [ yelling ]

the sign said no picnicking and no sledding. they're breaking two rules at once! uh, somebody's got to go back for the sandwiches. bobby didn't grow out of diapers. they just flew off. bowling can be a great release, unless you don't. are you all right? man: how you feeling, mate? you ready to go? yep. i think tonight's going to be the night. got the tux, got the bow tie and the hair done. i'm looking good, feeling cool. ladies, here i come.

oh, my god. are you all right? yeah. most people don't know that bulls make great pets. the main problem -- getting them to take a bath. what could be better than receiving a package from a loved one? how about receiving a package containing a loved one? check this out. ♪ oh, yeah, baby ♪ like a fool i went and stayed too long ♪ aah! ♪ ooh, baby aah! ahh! ♪ mmm aah!

aah! aah! oh, my god. aah! aah! aah! aah! surprise! surprise! surprise! aah! aah! aah! aah! aah! ♪ here i am, baby ♪ here i am, baby ♪ signed, sealed, delivered ♪ all right!

week. join tom bergeron for all the fun and surprises... yes! on "america's funniest home videos". - [horse neighs] - aah!

why choose between delicious or 100 calories? with the new yoplait delights... ...now you can finally have both. it's the perfect parfait...

...with two indulgently rich layers... ...of chocolate... ...and raspberry yogurt... ...and only 100 calories. new yoplait delights. get rid of the "or".

man: may the force be with you! july 26, 1999. go, storm trooper! people said, when the internet came out, that no one would watch television anymore. of course, that was in the heydays of dot-coms. now, in this age of dot-kamikazes, television is looking pretty good again, especially these clips. just chuck it on the pete. this isn't just a camping trip. spike's also getting a navel piercing. [ groans ] to join the hell's angels, you got to do something dirty. you're in! she's going for her 10th basket

in a row. yeah! she is smoking! you're burning your house. woman: what's happening? i can't believe it. who turned that on? i don't know. just get away, gloria! samantha has a great dismount. unfortunately, she put it at the beginning of her routine. woman: harry, you going to get down? child: get down, harry.

oh, gosh, here we go. timber! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! tom: you know the boys are rip when they start falling from the trees. they better hurry up and pick him or he'll just lie on the ground and rot. steve, hurry, go get him, please. where'd he go? help! tom: go, pants racer, go pants racer, go! everybody brags about how smart their pet is. my dog fetches the paper. my cat uses the toilet. my parrot makes a wicked beef wellington. i say, big deal. how much does fido or fluffy kick in for the rent? here are a few animals that got tired of sponging off their masters.

they went out and got a job. deer off, deer on -- now 100% tick free. sure, talking horse -- get your own show. sweeping horse -- diddly squat. [ people laughing ] the frog is nature's clown. [ ribbits ] book him at your next children's party. eat him when you're done. some animals don't want to earn an honest living, so they turn to crime. actually, you can't blame him. he needs the money to have his neutering reversed.

man: get the ham, anchor. get the ham. anchor has been trained to retrieve canned ham. so the next time a grocery ship goes down, he'll be ready. yay! look at this dog go, davey. monkeys can be trained to do just about anything. this one specializes in hair and makeup. hi, i'm becky, the educational director -- and just like any other show biz monkey, what this one really wants to do is direct. wait. cut. cut! cut. and now a message from the president.

four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. the brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it far beyond our poor power to add or detract. the world will little note nor long remember what they say here, but they can never forget what we did here. and this government, of the people, and by the people, and for the people,

shall not perish from the earth! god bless america! thank you very much. don't go away, 'cause, baby, we got plenty of show left. and it's a real eye-opener. [ snoring ] when "afv" returns. what is that i smell? i have to have one. no... i don't. research shows that extra helps reduce snack cravings. you're good, you. extra lasts longer than your wavering will power.

ultra-high, super-pointy... i never take them off. how do i do it? dr. scholl's for her insoles with massaging gel. so thin, they fit right in. shut up! you're fabulous. dr. scholl's for her. that can take so much out of you. i feel like i have to wind myself up just to get out of bed. then...well... i have to keep winding myself up to deal with the sadness, the loss of interest,

the trouble concentrating, the lack of energy. if depression is taking so much out of you, ask your doctor about pristiq®. (announcer) pristiq is a prescription medicine proven to treat depression. pristiq is thought to work by affecting the levels of two chemicals in the brain, serotonin and norepinephrine. tell your doctor right away if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior, or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase suicidal thoughts and behaviors in children, teens and young adults. pristiq is not approved for children under 18. do not take pristiq with maois. taking pristiq with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin, or blood thinners may increase bleeding risk. tell your doctor about all your medications, including those for migraine, to avoid a potentially life-threatening condition. pristiq may cause or worsen high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or glaucoma. tell your doctor if you have heart disease... or before you reduce or stop taking pristiq. side effects may include nausea, dizziness and sweating. (woman) for me, pristiq is a key in helping to treat my depression.

(announcer) ask your doctor about pristiq.

i don't have to tell you it costs so much to go to the movies these days -- 9 bucks to get in, 20 bucks for the babysitter, then there's parking, popcorn -- doing just a quick tally, that's about -- one night...$1,200, i'm thinking. put your wallet away, though, because here's a taste of your favorite flicks for free. "'afv' at the movies." therefore, we baptize you in the name of the father, and of the son, and the holy spirit, amen.

the lord takes care of that one, too. mommy, the safety's on! oh, my goodness, my ankle! oh! ohh! andy! ohh! ohh, my foot! oh, my foot, andy! ohh! ohh, andy! oh, andy, put my foot in. go get the doctor! hurry up!

over the years, we've shown you some pretty hard-hitting stuff -- car crashes, rodeo falls, groin whacks -- but we also have a sweeter side -- clips so cute, they'll make you want to hug your tv. let's do a group hug now, everybody. open up your heart. let's take a dive into lake adorable. ohh, a puppy tugging at a baby's romper. i told you it was going to be cute. now this is both precious and adorable. i'll come right out and say it. it's cute-tastic. somebody call the adorable police. they're guilty of delightful in the first degree. it just doesn't get any cuter than this.

i was wrong. it did get cuter. look at that. this kid is just gigglicious. oh... this is so sweet, i'm getting a cavity. if you listen closely, you can hear my teeth falling out. oh, look at that little bitty puppy. come on, come on. give uncle tom tom a kiss. that's my snookums. who's a pretty boy? who's a pretty boy? yeah, you are! yeah! you are! his tootsies. his earsies. look at these old dirty fleas.

i don't know what it is. you know, i'm just -- i'm feeling a little emotionally empty right now. there's like a big clip-shaped hole in my heart. it's true. maybe it's a good time for... an inspirational moment. woman: [ gasp ] he belly-flopped. i love deli food, but i never order the tongue sandwich because basically i don't want to taste anything that can taste me back. the tongue is one of our most under-appreciated muscles. think about it. without it, you couldn't do tongue twisters, or give someone a tongue lashing, or impersonate the rock band kiss. here are some tapes that can't be licked. i know games take hand-eye coordination,

but who knew it took hand-tongue coordination? centuries ago the herds were so big, their tongues would cover three states. man: get down. that'll win a few academy awards. when not practicing his tricks, archie hangs out at the post office saying, "can i lick that for you?" man: oh, god! that one's nasty. man #2: certified. and this one's called "the log." man: profile. bosco, you got a little something on the side of your mouth. no, no, the other side. no -- you almost got it.

no. over there. yeah. mm-hmm.

keep it performing at its best with benefiber. the clear, tasteless fiber that helps restore your natural digestive balance. while helping rid your body of toxins. that's the beauty of benefiber join tom bergeron for all the fun and surprises... yes! on "america's funniest home videos". - [horse neighs] - aah!

i'm a pretty light sleeper. audience: how light are you? well, it's funny you should ask. i wake up if i dream of a loud noise. bada-bing! that was so not worth it. there are other people who can sleep through anything -- earthquakes, thunderstorms, the '80s. if you're a sound sleeper, remember... the last person you should trust is one who's awake. his parents hate his haircut, but his brothers love it. oh, don't do that. you're just going to make him look stupid. great, now the whole family can suck his brains out.

you brat. boy: i didn't do it. okay, you got him to sign the insurance papers, right? hey... you're as bad as him. this is the downside to having a wife who's practicing to be a beautician. if she's going to do this style right, she needs to have two hair clips. there you go. sometimes when dad comes home from work,

he's too tired to play with the kids, but the kids aren't too tired to play with dad. tom: hey, bob. bob. you sleeping? hey, we're going on a food run. i'm going to borrow your car and take a $20 from your wallet. if that's cool, snore once. [ snores ] man: hello...you up? [ siren wailing ] hey, people? maybe somebody should call a real ambulance?

i want to share something with you. i'm very excited about this. i've been studying feng shui. say it together. feng shui -- the ancient chinese art of placement and achieves harmony and balance, and i've arranged these next videos in the perfect order. only one thing left -- if you folks at home could just move to the right about 16 inches. beautiful. great. man: are you mad? are you happy? are you mad? mad. happy? mad. happy? mad. [ barking ] that's how they hunt -- the first dog bites the tire. the second dog eats the little driver.

mmm, giant doughnut. there's got to be a better time to hang your bathing suit out to dry. man: is that a pretty sight, or what? where's the straw that broke the camel's lips? man: hey, camel breath. hey, kim. spielberg, coppola, scorsese -- they all have a couple of things in common. they're great directors,

and they won't return my calls. but as successful as they are, not one of them can get into the "afv" $10,000 club. only this next wunderkind director has been admitted. ja! [ whistling ] welcome to our hopping program. keith. okay. once upon a t-- okay. once upon a time there lived a little bunny named foo-foo. one day, he -- every day, he -- uh-oh. okay, turn it off, mom. let's try again. he al-- mom, we're messing up now. mom: that's okay. no, no, no, it's not. it'll mess the program up. just start over. i got it back on. oh, he's got it back on. go ahead, keep going.

is it off right now? no. mom, we're messing it up. keep going. okay, there lived a little bunny named foo-foo. he scooped the mice up and bop-- keith, remember what scoop is. he scooped the mice up and bopped them on the head. okay, jessica. [ whistle ] jessica, where's your wand? mom, we're messing up. no, no, just turn it off. get another blank video. [ whistle ] [ whistle ] jessica, you're messing up the program! i have the w-- i don't care! we're always messing it up. go in there. you know how you could -- okay...get the program. [ whistle ] [ whistle ] [ whistle ] [ whistle ]

strained peas, strained carrots, strained meat -- it's the kind of food that helps our kids grow. it also helps them to learn to speak. they say, "please, no more!" everybody open wide. take a big bite of a music montage. [ "also sprach zarathustra" playing ] man: yummy.

all right, now it's time to give away 1,500,000 pennies. the three nominees are... "no head room," sent in by todd and sharon swan from lufkin, texas.

okay, his head's hurt. we got to get his head out. how do we get it out? what are we going to do? should we break the window? you're not breaking the window. what are we doing to do? oh, my god. i can't believe -- well, baby, i'm sorry, but you shouldn't have stuck your head in the window. you shouldn't have rolled my head up in the window. "see spot growl," sent in by davidine hamilton from corning, california. want me do it again? tail -- give me your tail. his tootsies. his earsies. look at these old dirty fleas. and "four-alarm sleeper," sent in by laura and joe macinnis from quincy, massachusetts. [ siren wailing ]

all right, audience, take your favorite finger and lock in your vote now. jess: only one will win. will it be "no head room"... you shouldn't have rolled my head up in the window. "see spot growl"... or "four-alarm sleeper"? if you want to know which one, let's meet back here in a moment. when morning comes in the middle of the night... rooster crow. ...it affects your entire day.

to get a good night's sleep, try 2-layer ambien cr. the first layer dissolves quickly to help you fall asleep. and unlike other sleep aids, a second dissolves slowly to help you stay asleep. when taking ambien cr, don't drive or operate machinery. sleepwalking, and eating or driving while not fully awake with memory loss for the event as well as abnormal behaviors such as being more outgoing or aggressive than normal, confusion, agitation and halluciations may occur. don't take it with alcohol as it may increase these behaviors. allergic reactions such as shortness of breath, swelling of your tongue or throat may occur and in rare cases may be fatal. side effects may include next-day drowsiness, dizziness, and headache. in patients with depression, worsening of depression, including risk of suicide may occur. if you experience any of these behaviors or reactions contact your doctor immediately. wake up ready for your day-ask your healthcare provider for 2-layer ambien cr.

the sparkly flakes. the honey-baked bunches! the magic's in the mix. my favorite part? eating it. honey bunches of oats. taste the joy we put in every spoonful. so now would be a good time to read them. the second place $3,000 winner is... "see spot growl," sent in by davidine hamilton from corning, california. spot looks so sedate, doesn't he, there? and the winner of the $10,000 and tonight's funniest video is... "no head room," sent in by todd and sharon swan from lufkin, texas. well, well, well. hello, todd. hello, sharon. okay, i want to get a little history here.

apparently, you did that to your husband. is that right? we weren't married at the time, so -- and yet you are now. he married me anyway. what were you doing? just thought a little friendly backyard decapitation would be interesting? it was kind of a standoff. i was leaving, and he wouldn't leave me alone, and he kept sticking his head in the window, and i told him i was going to roll it up. i gave him warning, but he didn't move. okay, and then the fuse actually blew, right? actually, after i started rolling it up, it got stuck, and -- was there any point, todd, where you thought, "this is how i'm going to die"? right. well, when the window was going up slowly, and when it got to about right here and she hit the button and it stuck, well, it started going the rest of the way up, and i grabbed ahold of it, you know, trying to keep from -- did you ever think that if you did die that way, at your funeral, people would be busting a gut? they probably would be laughing, yeah. and just one last question -- didn't you do something like that to him again more recently? i rolled his fingers up a couple of weeks ago -- on accident! all right.

by the way, you're not only going to see them here. check them out on "divorce court." check your local listings. it's great to have you here. you've not only won the $10,000 tonight, but you're eligible, remarkably, for the $100,000, assuming you don't lose a limb by then. how about a hand for our winners tonight? that is it for tonight. i want to invite you to go to abc.com, keyword "afv," to see some of the best videos ever and some that have never been shown on tv before. just grab your mouse and go for it. and remember, send those tapes, because if you get it on tape, you could get it in cash. good night, everybody.

crunch. wheat thins. that's what's gonna happen here. why? because you're tasty... with toasty whole grains. that's why. (crunch) wheat thins. toasted. whole grain. crunch. have at it. [captioning made possible by warner bros. domestic television distribution] >> today on