i'm lester holt reporting from new york. i will see you shortly on "date line on a steamy summer week, traes the hottest story around. >> he's kind of the ultimate movie star. >> and this is the ultimate celebrity split. >> it's like the escape from alcatraz. >> katie hmes versus tom cruise. what's behind it? >> so there's really almost a third person in that marriage? the third person being the church? >> absolutely. >> the church. >> i really like it. and i think it's really wonderful. >> or something else? josh menkowicz with inside details. >> that's something that tom cruise has never, ever encountered before. >> on the movie marriage that's

gone way off script. also tonight, they were at the end of their rope. something was wrong with their son. >> my child was broken. i just wanted it fixed. >> and when he was six, this was the fix. joey became josie. >> did you feel like you were trapped in the wrong body? >> yeah. >> how old do you think you were when you started feeling like that. >> always. i always knew. >> a transgender child. can it really happen to someone this young? >> you're talking about giving you hormones and doing blockers and all that kind of stuff. is that something that you want to do? >> yes. >> and are these parents doing the right thing? >> most people feel like you ought to wait until a child is much older. >> hoda kotb with a family much older. >> hoda kotb with a family transformation. captions paid for by nbc-universal television > welcome to ""dateline."" i'm lester holt.

p of course we all want as what is best. it's about a couple who had a simple wish that second this family on a complex journey and left all of them transformed. we've got extraordinary access to their story. every step of the way. here's hoda kotb. >> reporter: it looks like any other childhood. days in the park, your head in the sun, reading stories and fairytales in a world you've made all your own. no worries, no stress. except that is not especially true for this young child. >> i could die or bleed to death. >> but you know better not to do that, right?

>> i want to, though. >> her name is josie romero, and for as long as she can remember, josie's been trying to break free from a nightmare that few children will ever know. >> a hug? i'm sorry. >> to help josie, her mother vanessa is prepared to go to lengths most parents could not imagine. >> i was in such a desperate state to get my child okay. >> their story begins in 2001, when vanessa gave birth to a son, joey. he was the center of a loving blended family, with stepfather joseph, an air force engineer, and later, an adopted baby sister, jade. but family's scrap book doesn't show the problems joey was having by age three. >> temper tantrums. awful. glass-shattering, piercing, yelling, crying fits. >> what did the doctors say was young?

>> joey's depressed. let's give him prozac. >> prozac. okay. what else? >> we need medication to help joey sleep. >> doctors also prescribed medicine for anxiety, adhd and tour rhett's syndrome. >> there were 17 medicines. >> that sounds insane. >> it was. my child was broken and there was something really wrong. i just wanted it fixed. >> reporter: but there was something else about joe yichlt something vanessa never thought was a problem to discuss with doctors. her son seemed to prefer his little sister's toys and clothes. >> if we'd go into the store, joey would already start heading over to the little girls' clothes. even just for socks. anything. and i'd say, no, we're here for you, not your sister. and start dragging my child over to the boys' socks or t-shirts or whatever. >> reporter: vanessa didn't see a connection between joey's obsession with dress up and his behavioral problems until a routine physical changed everything. they were wrapping up the visit

when the doctor noticed the way 6-year-old joey was playing with his toy. >> joey lifts his shirt and starts breastfeeding the doll. the doctor said, i think you child may have gender identity disorder. i'm like what? the doctor said, you know, like transgender. >>. >> reporter: as you may have figured out by now, joey is josie, born a boy but now living as a girl. >> when you were little, did you feel like you were trapped in the wrong body? >> yeah. >> how old do you think you were when you started feeling like that? >> when i started to know? >> yeah. >> always. i always knew. >> reporter: back then the family was living on a military base in okinawa, japan, far from any specialists. but vanessa learned more about the condition from online support groups. it seemed to just click. so she decided to try something radical. buying her child a new girl wardrobe. >> so we went over to the girl section. joey led and i followed.

>> and he just bought the things he wanted? >> he started carrying it. wouldn't even put it in the cart. wanted to hold it. >> reporter: her son began dressing as a girl at home. but now it wasn't a game. >> joey said, okay, you can't say "he" anymore. you have to start saying "she." so we had to correct our pronounce. that took a little bit more effort. >> that may be where parents watching this go, what's going on over there? the kid's ruling the roost. that's where it tips over into something that they don't understand. >> that's understandable. because i would have, too. >> reporter: even vanessa's husband was having a hard time accepting the change in his child. >> we went to this photo studio. and josie looked at all the dresses and she looked at me and pretty much asked, "daddy, is this okay? can i do this?" and at that point, all of this became a reality for me.

no longer did i have a son. and i had to put all my feelings aside to embrace my daughter. >> what i remember is my dad giving me thumbs up. and i felt like i was going to cry, i was so happy. >> reporter: after that, they say a profound change happened to their child. no more tantrums, no more sleeplessness, no more medication needed. in a few months later, they decided to take another leap. send their child to school on the military base in a dress. >> she's no longer having these fits, and no longer screaming and crying. so i thought, the teacher's going to love this. >> but that was not the way it was at all. >> that was not the way it went. >> parents protested. the family received death threats. >> did you think to yourself, you know what, she could have been herself at home and just gone to school as joey. >> no. initially when we first started then i was like, yeah, that will work.

but then when i let her out, i wasn't going to shove her back in. >> but what was happening later was it worse? >> it was worse for me, but not for her. >> i felt proud of myself that i turned into a girl. it doesn't matter what they say. they can do whatever they want. i'm just going to do what i think is right. >> because of the controversy, the military moved the romeros back to the u.s. to tucson, arizona. >> can you read these key words? >> reporter: they decided to home school josie and she began seeing a psychologist who supported the decision to let her live as a girl. the romeros changed her name legally. josie claudine romero. >> hi. my name is josie. i'm a girl. >> when i got my girl name, i felt like everything was done. but apparently not. >> reporter: not done, not by a long shot. because by age nine, josie was filled with anxiety again. this time over something neither her nor her parents could control.

her own growing body. >> i'm changing like boy style. >> coming up, a whole new crisis. was josie about to take matters into her own hands? >> she's in the bathroom. and she's got her nail clippers. and it was like she was building up her determination to go through with doing it. >> when ""dateline"" continues. usaa auto insurance is often handed down from generation to generation. because it offers a superior level of protection, and because usaa's commitment to serve the military, veterans and their families is without equal. begin your legacy, get an auto insurance quote. usaa. we know what it means to serve. an intense burning sensation i woke up with this horrible rash on my right side. like somebody had set it on fire. and the doctor said, cindie, you have shingles.

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josie romero, a child who feels her parents are going to great now, they're on the verge of crisis again.

here again is hoda kotb. >> reporter: josie romero was born a boy but has been living as a transgender girl since age six. when we first met her in 2010, she was 9 1/2. >> i like hiking around. >> reporter: she seems like any happy kid. >> you can go this way or go through her. >> reporter: in fact, josie and her parents were now facing a problem they had not fully anticipated. >> your mom says that you're looking in the mirror a lot these days. >> yeah. because i'm looking if i have any hair on my neck or on my face. i'm changing like boy style. >> reporter: josie, who had passed easily as a girl for years, was now terrified of her growing body, afraid puberty would soon turn her into a man. >> she scrutinizes her image in the mirror every morning when i'm doing her hair. she looks for facial hair or an adam's apple. >> that's a swan's neck. there is no bump there.

>> nothing else is as important to her as getting her body to match who she is. >> what are you thinking? >> it's getting frustrating. >> do you want a hug? >> reporter: josie felt so much anxiety over her changing body that she once tried something drastic. >> did i tell you i wanted to get my own surgery? >> she's in the bathroom. and she's standing in the shower, and she's got her penis in one hand and her nail clippers in another hand. it was like she was building up her determination to go through with doing it. then i ran in literally and grabbed the nail clippers from her hand and squeezed her to me. >> i could die or bleed to death. >> now you know better not to do that, right? >> i want to, though. >> reporter: so what will happen to josie, even if her parents would allow it, doctors in the u.s. do not perform sex reassignment surgery before age 18. but some have been experimenting

with new hormone therapies for transgender kids, drugs that can start the gradual process of reshaping a child's body from one sex to another. it is a radical treatment for someone josie's age. >> i'm just really eager for her to feel at peace. and if she takes estrogen, she's see her body respond to that, and she'll have that peace. >> reporter: it is a two-step process. first drugs called blockers that suspend puberty. in josie's case, blocking the release of testosterone. then a more controversial step. she could be given estrogen to make her body develop like an adolescent girl's. >> they're talk about giving you hormones and doing blockers and all that kind of stuff. is that something that you want to do? >> yes. >> could you tell me why? >> it's going to make knee not have big hands and big feet and get bobs. >> y-- boobs. >> you want boobs? >> yeah. >> you do?

>> dr. margaret moon is a pediatrician and bioethics professor at johns hopkins university. she says drugs that delay puberty, blockers, may be helpful in some extreme cases. but that second step, giving opposite sex hormones, is alarming at josie's age. the changes are irreversible and include rend, the child sterile as an adult. >> any change you make that's irreversible is harder to justify when the child is young. >> reporter: even among the doctors who specialize in treating transgender kids, there is debate about when and whether opposite sex hormone therapy is okay. >> we have lots of very well-informed, very well-intentioned people looking at the same data and coming away with very different ideas. >> is this an overdiagnosis issue? >> potentially. it's potentially an overdiagnosis issue. >> reporter: for vanessa there was no debate. she felt certain that not only would female hormones help joe says, but forcing her to go through male puberty could be psychologically devastating.

transgender young people are five times more likely than their peers to attempt suicide. >> whenever people ask me, how can i just let her do this, i'd rather have a living transgender daughter than a dead son. >> yeah. we have to go north go to los angele angeles. >> reporter: having been unsuccessful in finding a local doctor who could help, vanessa set out with her daughter for children's hospital in los angeles in september of 2010. >> are you nervous? >> so you're thinking about gender all the time. all the time, night and day. >> reporter: dr. johanna olsen, who the romeros traveled to see, is one of the few medical doctors in the u.s. who treat kids with gender identity problems. >> our patients aren't mentally ill. there is alignment issue between their gender and their internal body. >> if i were a parent and i see my child and i notice there are some gender issues you would

think that a, it's a phase, or b, maybe they're gay. >> they'd be right. those are very common occurrences. what i look for is persistent, consistent and insistent. these are the profiles of kids that have very, very solid gender identities. >> reporter: dr. olsen had already consulted with josie's psychologist. and after her own examination, she could decide to give josie hormone blockers. in effect, pushing the pause button on her male puberty. >> how old were you when you transitioned? >> about six. >> okay. >> reporter: or she could also prescribe estrogen, the far more extreme option to begin josie's female development. >> seems like puberty, the idea of impending puberty, is a little scary to you. >> i just want to get done. >> you just want it to get done. >> yeah. >> what does that mean? >> like i want to get surgery right now. >> let's say you could wake up and have whatever you wanted on your body, no penis.

you want a vagina and breasts. i made you giggle. is that a yes? i hear you. >> reporter: after a one-hour examination there was a physical exam. then mother and daughter waited for dr. olsen's decision. it was not what they expected. >> so a little bit of alleviation of concern of this impending puberty coming down the pike right now. >> uh-huh. >> it's not happening right now. that's a good thing. that's a good thing. you don't want your kid to go through puberty at nine. >> reporter: josie was too young, even for blockers. >> i don't want her like trying to modify her body. >> no body modification on your own. no body modification without talking to the doctors. the worry is we want to go through girl puberty now even if our body's not ready to go through puberty. >> do you want a hug? >> i want to go through puberty. >> you do? wh

why? >> i want to go through it with all the other girls. >> can you hold me? >> i am holding you, honey. >> when she really understands that she's not going to walk out the front door with breasts i think she's going to be really disappointed. >> reporter: back home in arizona, josie clearly was disappointed. >> i want to be like all the other girls. it's not too long. really longer. >> reporter: nearly a year went by at the romero household. josie's dad returned from a tour in afghanistan. josie was still waiting impatiently for the estrogen treatment, which is controversial at her age. guidelines developed in europe suggest waiting until around age 16. and bioethicist dr. moon says the few study that is do exist suggest young kids with gender identity problems often grow out of them. >> a lot of those kids that start out as children who are saying i'm in the wrong body end up finding of by the time they're middle adolescents they're actually fairly comfortable with their own

gender. >> reporter: but josie is not one of those kids. or is she? coming up. >> are you a boy or are you a girl? >> maybe i'm a boy inside and a girl outside. >> a dramatic moment of indecision. is josie really sure? is anyone? >> everything i said i knew is kind of in question. >> and later, he's the action hero. or wait. is she? >> she's planned this escape with military precision. >> how did katie do it? inside the split, when "dateline" continues. stay informed catch a show. make your point make a memory make a masterpiece. read something watch something

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josie romero has been desperate to become a girl.

born as a boy, joey, josie has been living as a transgender girl since she was six. her family has been unwavering in their support. but now it's josie herself who seems to be wavering. hoda kotb picks up our story. >> reporter: at 10 years old, josie romero believed she was born in the wrong body. and her parents have been seeking a controversial hormone therapy that would start chemically changing her boy body into an adolescent girl. >> 14 inches. >> 14 inches? a foot and two inches. >> yeah. >> reporter: estrogen treatment is irreversible and would make josie sterile. but josie and her mother never doubted it was the right thing until an unexpected conversation happened one afternoon. >>ed in where nobody else can see are you a boy or are you a girl? >> maybe i'm a boy inside and a girl outside. >> really? >> yes. is that true?

>> only you know the answer to that. so if you wanted to grow up to be a man would you tell me? >> yeah. >> hey. if you wanted to grow up and be a man you could. >> i want to be -- if i want to be a girl would you let me? >> of course. i would love you no matter what. i always have and i always will. >> reporter: it was the first time vanessa ever heard josie sound uncertain. >> i feel like maybe there's a part of you that's afraid to tell me what you really want. if i said, oh, please don't be a gir girl. >> like would i be of boy? >> no, honey. >> i need to listen to you because you're my mom. >> you need to listen to me about what's healthy to eat and

what time to go to bed. you are the one. i have to listen to you. >> yeah, well, if you said i feed to be a boy i would have to. >> no. no. >> for her to have any indecision now, i don't know what it's rooted in i really need to find that out. >> you look like you're about to cry. >> i'm kind of surprised by the answers today. it's the first time you've given them to me. >> everything i thought i knew is kind of in question. >> reporter: has vanessa's whole-hearted unwatchering support of josie's transition actually pushed her child too far too fast? >> the thought of her having made such a huge decision in her life all based on what she thought i wanted, that would be traumatic for me. >> reporter: bioethicist dr. margaret moon who opposes opposite sex hormone therapy for kids josie's age, says most 9 and 10-year-olds are not mature enough to participate in life-altering medical decisions. >> they're not sure of who they are. and they can't really offer

their parent that sort of reassurance. >> reporter: even dr. olsen says there is no exact science that can determine who is truly transgender. >> what's missing in the data right now is these exact characteristics mean that this person is for sure going to be a transadolescent and adult. we don't have that data. >> now, the estrogen thing i find concerning. a decision is being made whether or not josie will have children, her own biological children in the future. >> that's why the role of blockers is so important. they get an opportunity for two years, three years, to really work with a mental health therapist on what it's going to mean to be transgender. >> but that could still put you at age 12. to me it seems ridiculous to have a kid at age 12, 13, 14, deciding whether they want to have biological children when they're 20, 30 or 40. >> well, they make the decision to kill themselves at 12 and 13. that's a pretty powerful decision. we take an oath, first do no harm. if doing nothing is doing harm,

you have to do something. >> you and your mom were talking, she was combing your hair. you said to her, would you still love me if i was a boy. >> oh, yeah, that? >> why did you ask her that? >> you know, my dad, when i started to change he was a little saddened. because he wanted his little boy back. and i didn't want the same thing to happen to my mom, like being sad all the time. >> reporter: josie and her psychologist discussed that moment of wavering, and just a few weeks shy of her 11th birthday she told us she never really changed her mind. she still really wants to be a girl. >> now, what about people, j josie, would watch this and say she's going through a phase in her life. >> i'd say no, i'm going to stay like a girl. because this is who i truly am. >> you look a little nervous. it's going to be okay. >> come on in here. >> so what do you think? are you starting? are you seeing any signs? >> oh, yeah. >> okay. and how are you feeling about that?

>> i'm a little anxious. >> 15 months after her first visit, josie was back with dr. olsen. after examining josie in private, dr. olsen had a decision. >> you are in the perfect place to start on blockers. >> reporter: and she promises to begin giving her estrogen, female hormones, in two years. >> around 13. that's what i think. yes. you're not going to develop breast buds on the blockers. but you're not going to wait until 16 to start. you know that, okay? >> reporter: josie received the blockers as an implant in her arm. >> it's okay. you can cry. >> reporter: so with all the bravery she could muster, josie held on tight. >> ow! as another chapter opened in this young girl's life. >> a lot of times it strikes me that had this happened just 20 years ago, i wouldn't have been able to give her blockers.

and she would have had to go through male puberty. that terrifies me. >> it's all done. do you want a hug? >> i don't know that she would have survived male puberty. you know, how is she going to prove to somebody that she is a girl? at best she would have been shaving every day and been a man in a dress. and that might be great for some people. but it certainly wasn't who she is. >> reporter: so much about this child's life is yet unwritten, but josie has predictions of her own. >> when i grow up, i'm going to help save animals, habitats, like polar bears. as an adult my hero will be very blond. blond, wavey and super pretty. i'm going to marry a boy. i'll be a tiny bit taller than my mom. i want to be a mommy. i'm going to be very beautiful. >> we'll keep following josie on her journey. and you can learn more about her controversial therapy on our web

site at "dateline"nbc.com. coming up next, from over the top to just plain over, tom and katie and scientology. >> so there's really almost a third person in that marriage? the third person being the church? >> absolutely. >> and coming up friday on "dateline," deadly connections. it was girls night out, but somehow in the crush she got separated from her friends. >> she's like, are you with kim? i said no, i thought she was with you. that's when it all started. >> where was she? then another beauty, this one left for dead. was evil stalking young women? >> both dark-haired, both pretty girls. it was chillingly similar. >> investigators hunting a menace for months, until, far from the city, the truth revealed on a country road. >> he got out of the car and let

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my crowning achievement thus far. mom took a bunch of amazing pictures. but she can't share them. it's her data plan. she's stressing about overages because she already downloaded a fifteen megabyte cat video. [ laughing ] aww. you have to see this. i've already seen it, nana. like a hundred times. [ male announcer ] why limit your iphone? switch to sprint. the only network with truly unlimited data for your iphone. in a summer of blockbusters, it's hollywood's biggest cliff hanger, the real-life split of katie holmes and tom cruise. friends say there's a lot more

at stake than a movie star breakup. a child's fate hangs in the balance. tonight, inside details about the divorce drama. here's josh menkowicz. >> reporter: he's the guy who climbed that super sonic speed to the top of the hollywood heap and stayed there. >> tom cruise kind of is the ultimate movie star on this planet. >> reporter: she's the sweet young thing who pulled off her own mission impossible and married the star who was her teenage crush. >> i'm more and more in love every day. and it's like, wow! a hollywood fairytale playing out in real life. and then, just as suddenly, the fairytale was over. >> big news out of hollywood tonight. celebrity couple tom cruise and katie holmes are splitting up. >> reporter: katie holmes' bombshell, that she'd filed for divorce from tom cruise after five years of marriage, caught

everyone off guard. including, apparently, her movie star husband. >> katie holmes behavior is as though she were escaping from alcatraz, from an open prison. >> reporter: the speculation was immediate. and it was everywhere. she was splitting because of his controversial religion. >> so there's really sort of almost a third person in that marriage? the third person being the church? >> absolutely. >> reporter: news of their split was just as stunning as the start of their courtship. >> have you ever felt this way before? with tom's extremely enthusiastic declaration of love on the set of "the oprah winfrey show." >> the beginning of this relationship was kind of like a circus. >> reporter: melanie bromiley is senior correspondent for e. news. >> it was unbelievable. it went from 0 to 60 in the quickest amount of time. >> reporter: the year was 2005, and tom cruise was not just

professing his passion for katie, he gushed about scientology, too. >> the word scientology means knowing how to know. >> do you want more people to understand scientology? would that be a goal of yours? >> you know what, absolutely of course. >> reporter: cruz had been a sigh end ol gist since his first wife mimi rogers introduced him to the church. he in turn introduced his second wife, nicole kidman, to sigh end ol i by the time he met katie, he was the church's celebrity in chief. >> when you put a face on that organization, a very safe celebrity face, that face is tom cruise. >> reporter: for the moment katie, who had been raised catholic, seemed to have embraced scientology. >> i have looked into it myself. i really like it. i think it's really wonderful. >> have you tried any sessions at all? >> yeah. and it's really -- i feel like i'm bettering myself. >> reporter: yes, there were cynics who said the romance was all for publicity.

after all, a pretty young wife didn't hurt cruise's appeal with younger audiences. for katie's part, that began with on the big screen. she was good with a megawatt star at her side. >> the most extraordinary thing happened to me one day in april. and i met tom. and i'm just -- i'm just so happy. >> reporter: later came stories that this wasn't an accidental love at all. there were reports that leaders in the church played couupi d f tom. helping to find their leading man a leading lady. mark etner is a journalist who's been working on hollywood and the church of scientology for 15 years. >> we've all heard the stories of how mr. cruise was supposedly auditioning actresses to date and then marry. that seems very difficult to believe. you know, he's tom cruise. people are lining up, right?

>> tom cruise is not your average movie star. he's a sicientologist. the church and handlers within the church will do what they can to find the quote unquote perfect wife for tom cruise. >> it sound difficult to believe. which makes this man's story all the more interesting. mark headly worked in video production for the church at that time. he says he was part of that team tasked with finding the next mrs. cruise. he says it was called the tom cruise project. >> any and all scientologists that were actresses, we auditioned them. there was no part. it was just what do you think about tom cruise? what have you done in scientology. >> reporter: but apparently, none of those actresses made the cut. >> after all the girl scientologists or female scientologists had been exhausted then it was like, okay, we have to move outside of the herd. >> reporter: headly says that's

when someone found this issue of seventeen magazine. inside a quote from a pretty young actress named katie holmes. >> she had always dreamed of marrying tom cruise, and she had like a "top gun" poster up in her room. that's how she became a potential candidate. >> reporter: the church of scientology insists there was no project to find tom a wife, calling that "a blatant lie." headly split from the church in the months before tom and katie met. he sued the church over what he claimed were inhumane working conditions. he lost and is now appealing. the church accused headly of attempting to embezzle funds. headly denies the allegations, and no charges were ever filed. but whatever the back story, tom and katydid end up together, and at least for a time katie seemed to be more than happy to be in effect the first lady of the church of scientology. >> whatever she was, she was always with a sigh end ol gist. >> reporter: katie was often

photographed with a church spokesperson nearby. >> it wasn't something that she was offended by. it was a part of her life. and this was what being in love with tom meant. >> reporter: some people thought it was becoming too much for katie. >> scientology was effectively the third wheel, the third person in the marriage. >> reporter: andrew morton wrote a biography of tom cruise in 2008. and he's written that katie's family watched with growing alarm as the once vivacious woman became increasingly subdued. >> she looked kind of dull-eyed. she looked distracted. and when she was asked questions she said, "oh, everything's magical." so she was being turned into this kind of stepford wife. and people set up a web site saying free katie.com. >> free katie? that was just a web site. she was working on a plan. >> coming up. >> my situation was pure hell. >> what's leaving the church really like?

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move money with a slide. save with a shake. feel good about your decisions. >> reporter: they were hollywood and scientology's golden couple. the ingenue and the movie star. his fortune, her youth, their mad, passionate love affair. >> i saw tom and katie in a restaurant like less than a year ago. they looked really happy together. they looked like a couple that was getting along just fine. >> maybe they were happy a year ago in the restaurant. maybe not. you're for getting one fundamental thing. they're both actors. >> reporter: but to some on the outside looking in, katie wasn't convincing in her role.

journalist mark ebner believes katie was no longer enamored with the church, setting the stage with the split. >> marriages fail for all kind of reasons. why does the church have to be the reason this broke up. >> if you're in or out. if she had any doubt about sigh e scientology that would have caused the fracture. >> emily bromiley believes there's a different situation. >> it started to split a year ago because he wasn't around. the fact that they're both incredibly famous, how do they end? the two people in the relationship start to see the world in a different way. that's what happened here. >> reporter: only katie knows for sure her real reasons for wanting out of the marriage or her feelings about sigh nt cien. and she's not talking. but someone who's been there

says breaking up with a sigh ntologist is particularly difficult. >> my situation was pure hell. >> reporter: just like katie, carmen married a young actor and devoted sicientologist. she was 23 when she tide the knot in 1995. >> i became aware if i didn't become a scientologist i was out. i was aware of that. also at the same time i was madly in love. >> at first, carmen said she was almost as giddy about her encounters with scientology as she was about her man. >> a lot of the information is actually really cool. and it really is helpful, and it really does change people in a good way. and i was changed in a good way. >> reporter: she says she devoted time and money to auditing, spiritual counselling sessions that are supposed to help church members overcome past traumas and self-dedestructive behavior. there were days, she says, when she spent four or five hours clutching electrodes that were wired up to a machine called an

e meter while her auditor barraged her with questions. >> they can ask you anything. so if you have a secret don't expect to keep it. >> reporter: after awhile, carmen says the collection of her inner most secrets by the church started to bother her. >> what were they doing with all that information? >> they're writing it all down on a piece of paper. and they're keeping it in a file. and you're watching them do that. i know that there's something not right with that. because to me, sometimes it feels like intelligence gathering. >> reporter: the church or scientology says what's revealed in auditing sessions is considered sacrosanct and kept strictly confidential. carmen's marriage to jason lee fell apart in 2001. she had started abusing drugs and would soon stop practicing scientology. she says she was labelled a suppressive person. scientology speak for someone who undermines the church. someone to be avoided.

>> i was ostracized. scientologists cut off from me. they weren't allowed to speak to me, not even a hello. >> reporter: in this 2004 promotional video produced by the church, tom cruise can be heard using the term "suppressive person" s.p. for short. >> maybe one day it would be, wow, s.p.s, they'll just read about those in the history books, you know? >> reporter: what did all this mean for katie as she contemplated ending her marriage? would she stay with scientology, or could she become an s.p. if she left tom? she only had to look to the fate of tom's previous wife, nicole kidman, to get an idea of what could lie ahead. >> we all said she was an s.p. even i did. which i feel so irresponsible about. at that time we're like, oh, she's an s.p. that's what they say. >> reporter: after tom's divorce from nicole, the couple's two adopted children stayed with tom

and the church. by og f by fer biographer andrew morton says she they're had little relationship with nicole. >> her relationship with the children was pretty distant. down to phone calls and on the internet. >> reporter: if katie feared being apart from her daughter suri, the stakes must have seemed very high as she considered her next move. >> everything katydid sort of leading up to her divorce filing suggests a significant degree of planning. >> a it suggests fear in some way, i think. >> coming up, a bold strategy. >> for katie to completely blind side him, that's something that tom cruise has never ever encountered before. >> what's next when "dateline" continues. ♪ [ male announcer ] the inspiring taste of mcdonald's new spicy chicken mcbites. ♪

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when you're trying to leave hollywood's top gun, it's not as simple as filing divorce papers. so how is katie holmes going about it? again, josh maiewicz. >> reporter: katie holmes must have known that walking out on a hollywood megastar with their young daughter in tow was always going to be a big deal. and many believe she must have known that it would be an even bigger deal, because her husband is scientology's top celebrity. that certainly is what cruise biographer andrew morton thinks. >> katie holmes behaved as if

she was escaping from alcatraz, from an open prison. and it was a very meticulously organized escape. >> reporr: so what happened? morton says katie's dad, a lawyer in ohio, flew to new york to help his daughter overhaul her life. >> and she has done so knowing what tom is like, how controlling he is, knowing how controlling the church is, and what a tough organization she faces. >> reporter: first, katie got her own place in new york. she found it in this luxury apartment building loaded with amenities, including an elevator that goes straight down to the underground garage. christopher hyland is one of her new neighbors. >> when you just see her from a distance, she comports herself with a regal bearing. >> reporter: next katie cleaned house. she fired the members of her team who were loyal to tom. katie also got a new cell phone, according to "people" magazine. >> what we learned, changes her cell phone, doesn't give her

friends her telephone number. >> the answer is somebody who knows they're about to be in for one hell of a fight. >> i think so. >> reporter: by all accounts, tom cruise was caught off guard, thousands of miles away on a movie set in iceland when those divorce papers were filed in a new york court. >> every move she's made in this has been to a t literally perfect. >> reporter: clearly, that's not how tom cruise saw it. his people put out a statement saying the star was "deeply saddened." late last week, as the media storm intensifies, cruise's attorney accused katie's people of playing the media. >> this is an incredibly unusual situation for a man who's controlled everything in his life for decades. >> reporter: but just today, it appears the temperature is being turned down, in what could have been a brutal and public battle. sources tell "dateline" that lawyers for both sides are near an agreement, negotiating details of the divorce including custody of suri and a joint

statement from tom and katie may be imminent. so what's ahead? jack reacher is cruise's next film. >> remember. you wanted this. >> reporter: it's the story of a hero who takes on bigger, tougher enemies and usually wins in the end. cruise may prevail as well. >> tom is charismatic. he is brilliant in his role as a movie star. and people love that about him. this will go away. >> reporter: for its part. the church of scientology told "dateline," "this is a personal family matter, and the church respects their privacy." and "the church has no comment on any individuals." >> as for katie holmes, she's been out and about in new york city, picking up groceries here, stopping by her attorney's office, and buying ice cream with her daughter. >> the most important thing is

that suri is able to have normal friends and a normal childhood, as normal as life can be for a movie star. >> reporter: on the internet, katie holmes is being hailed by some as an heroine. >> being a good mother. doing the right thing. >> standing up for yourself. >> yes. fighting the power. >> reporter: but it's not over. katie still faces the fallout of a fairytale gone bad. and tom cruise, the movie star, who's triumphed time and again in the final act may be facing the cliff hanger of his career. >> and as for scientology, the split of its most famous couple has left the church under a new spotlight. this week on "rock center with brian williams" what it's like for those who have tried to break away from scientology. that's thursday at 10:00/9:00 central. that's all for this edition of ""dateline" sunday." we'll see you again for ""dateline" friday" at 9:00,