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help feed their full potential. now with kellogg's family rewards, you can get even more from the products you love. join today at kfr.com. [price scanner beeping] that's $42.80. okay, there we go. and i have a coupon. i can't take this, it expired yesterday. yesterday? oh, she's right. darn. sometimes i wish i had a time machine. wait, if you had a time machine, you would use it to go back to save 50 cents on lysol? yes. yes, i would. you wouldn't use it to save abraham lincoln? fine, i'll save lincoln. it never ends with you. sir, do you have a different card? it says declined. declined? mr. monk, do you have any money in the bank? no. that could be it. okay. um... i'm sorry. please hurry. all right, i've got... $34.

is that it? yesterday was payday. yes, it was. but i didn't get paid. you know, your paydays are becoming sort of... theoretical. come on, you need to put some stuff back. no, i can't. look, i made a list. everything here is on the list. i know, i know. we're gonna come back later and pick it up. come on, people are waiting. okay. uh, this then. oh wait, no. i need this. oh, this. gotta have this spray. all right, how about one of these? yeah, this one. no! um, no. let's go with that one. oh, wait a second. it's like sophie's choice. except it's soup. okay, we're keeping the soup. putting back this, this, this, and this. mr. monk, look at us. this is ridiculous. we're both broke. we haven't had a new case in three weeks. what do you want me to do?

you need to get a raise. you gotta talk to the captain. we can't go on like this. i'm not good at this, asking for more money. okay, then let me do the talking. i'm not good at that either. mr. monk, you deserve a raise. you've solved a lot of big cases for them single-handedly. maybe i helped a little. no, no, no, no. you can't think like that. you gotta brag about yourself. you gotta toot your own horn. i'm not much of a tooter. (natalie) you better learn how to toot. ous. oh, hello. gladys. natalie teeger, this is gladys. gladys is great. ys has been cleaning up around here for years. i used to help her out in my spare time. oh, boy. oh, boy. remember? yeah. until i got that restraining order. remember? good times. good times. you have to get underneath, right, gladys? under? why? nobody ever looks there. but you'll know it's clean. isn't that its own reward? you'll know. the captain says i don't have to talk to you. i know, i know.

but under, okay? under the table. i wanna help you guys, okay? i really do. they already questioned me four times. (disher) it's not just you, mr. landis. we talking to all the guards, the cleaning staff. curators, anybody who was at the museum. yeah, but i haven't even been home yet. and i appreciate that. we just need your official statement, then you're free to go. so, for the record, where were you during the robbery? for the fifth time, okay, i was at my station on the main floor. i never left. i didn't even go to the bathroom. and you didn't hear anything unusual? no, sir. i was three floors away. okay. excuse me for a second. can i get you something to drink? no. monk, nat. what's going on? oh, you haven't heard? robbery at the macmillan museum. it was big big. the alexander diamond. whoa. i know whoa. robbery division asked us to help out, so we're taking statements from everybody on site. so you're not arresting him about the drugs. uh, no. what drugs? his fingertips are stained. looks like red phosphorous.

you get that from making crystal meth. he's gotta have a lab somewhere. okay, i'll check it out. excuse me, mr. landis. could you come here, please? if the captain needs me, i'll be in interrogation room b. uh, right this way. what? you know what. you just solved that case. for free. what was i supposed to do? well, if you're selling ice cream, would you hand out free scoops? what was i supposed to say? hey, lieutenant, there's a drug dealer somewhere in this room. i'll tell you who it is for $20. at least we'd have $20. all right, there's the captain. remember, you deserve a raise. you deserve it! okay, when you're right, you're right. okay, captain? hey, monk. what are you doing here? captain, i have to talk to you about something. can it wait? okay. well, we'll come back. we're back. and... natalie?

captain... if this is about money, forget about it. we're broke. the department is strapped. we just got another hiring freeze. captain, we haven't had a new case in three weeks. you know, you're right. there hasn't been a major homicide in a long time. but you gotta keep your hopes up. stay optimistic. okay, well, thank you very much. okay, captain, come on, we can't just sit around waiting for the phone to ring. it's not fair to us. we have no security. what do you want me to do? we wanna be put on retainer. what? yeah, retainer. like a lawyer. we want a guaranteed income. look, it doesn't have to be much. we just need a little security. okay, i'll see what i can do. but don't get your hopes up, okay? anything else? it's about gladys. have you been talking to gladys? captain... i told you not to talk to gladys. she's not cleaning under the tables again-- squish!

i think you should talk to her. i will. about her aim. get him downstairs. you were right. i get this guy in the room, he's denying everything. he's twitching, he's nervous. i threaten to get a search warrant and tear his house apart. i pick up the phone, i start to dial, he collapses. he gave it all up. crystal meth lab in his basement. narcotics is on their way over. i owe you one. okay. what? you know what. oh, the thing? about the ice cream and the free scoops? that's right. mr. monk? we're rich. we hit the jackpot. oh, good. look, it's about the alexander diamond. lloyd's of london is offering a $1 million reward to anybody that finds it. no questions asked.

so? mr. monk, you can find that diamond. aah, i don't think so. what? you're a great detective. you solve crimes all the time without even trying. it's annoying how many crimes you solve. come on! let's go for it. let's cash in! natalie, i don't do what i do for money. mr. monk, it's a million dollars. you'll never have to worry for the rest of your life. well, of course, you'll worry. but not about money. i don't know. mr. monk, you have to do this. i mean, i love this job, but i have to get paid. just--just please. just say yes. say you'll do it. just say yes. could you get off my counter? okay, fine. i'll do it. ♪ a million dollars a million dollars ♪ congratulations.

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excuse me. any suspect yet? i wouldn't know, i'm just delivering flowers. no, you're not. you're a private detective, just like me. well, not quite like me. me, a detective? that's pretty funny, actually. i can't wait to tell the guysack at... look, you're insulting me. that satellite dish on your roof. the number on the side, 555. obviously a fake.

conclusion number one, you're after the alexander diamond. conclusion number two. you haven't got a prayer. excuse me, that's a handicapped spot. it's okay, i'm psychotic. is this where they stole the rock? you addressing me? not anymore. you, poindexter. is this the scene of the crime? excuse me, boys, i got a million dollars waiting for me inside. [door opens] ah, apparently we think alike. frightening thought for those of us who aren't you. uh, phillip wick.

access to all areas. this'll do me. hello again. what does this say? curator sally kanter. here, try this one, robert gant. that's a boy's name. uh, look, chaps, since we're all after the same thing, why don't we just pool our talents? what are you talking about? well, work together and split the reward. why don't we begin by introducing ourselves, all right? my name's st. clare. retired scotland yard inspector. i moved to san francisco-- i'm interrupting you. no frigging way. i'm finding that rock myself. and i'm keeping all the money. well, may the best man win. i intend to. he said man. this entire wing was locked. i mean, it was completely locked down. somehow they opened that connecting door from the inside. we can't figure it out. what do you think? i don't know yet. well, come on, focus. concentrate. do that thing you do.

i've never seen you like this. what, broke? ah. what-what-what-what? these scratches here and here. looks like these tire irons weren't heavy enough to do the job. gentlemen, we have competition. that is adrian monk. adrian monk? i thought he worked homicide. (dirk) what are you two afraid of? something's off here. what is it? glass shards on the inside. when that case was shattered, this case was open. i think they took this weapon, used it, and put it back and relocked the case. what does that tell us? a lot. it means it was an inside job.

and they didn't want us to know it was an inside job. ka-ching. what does that mean? [over headphones] it means we're gonna be rich. ka-ching. this guy's good. what's he saying? put that thing away. excuse me, sir. did anything unusual happen tuesday before the break-in? anything at all out of the ordinary? no. well, now that you mention it, tuesday afternoon i heard, or i thought i heard somebody whispering. whispering. it wasn't in this room, it was down the hallway. it was about 2:30. i was standing about there. and i thought i heard someone saying, "my womb." "my room"? "my womb." it was a man's voice. and he was saying it over and over. my womb... i thought it was coming from that vent, but it's impossible. [phone rings] i think i'm going senile. i'm sorry, i've got to take this. hello? my womb.

my womb. my womb. it sounds like a mantra. like, a meditation. my womb. look at this. what? it's a footprint. somebody was hiding in here. wait, in there? that's how they opened the connecting door. let's grab the detectives, we need an evidence kit. wait, not yet. what do you mean, not yet? let's find the diamond, then we'll tell 'em how we did it. natalie, this is not a game show. this is a felony investi-- it's a broken necklace. that's an unusual design. (natalie) oh, good, good, good. we'll try to id it.

come on, let's go. sorry. you okay? i don't know, something's... something's wrong. i... [muttering] i'm not balanced. (rufus) um, excuse me. yeah, um, i'm gonna be needing that back. because i only have two of them and the other one doesn't work. are you following us? what? ah, mr. monk. what an honor. my name's st. clare. inspector st. clare. i've been following your cases assiduously from across the pond, you know. shakespeare, nobody cares. wait, i can't believe you're following us. is that a lead? maybe. look, mr. st. clare. inspector. i'm sure a gentleman like yourself can appreciate the fact that these two leads belong to us. two leads? well, yes, the necklace and the initials

carved in the desk. mr. monk. i'm sorry. excuse me. my name is jennie mandeville. and i did something i'd like to confess. what'd you do, jennie? i robbed a bank. it was about three weeks ago. the community savings trust in sausalito. sausalito. i don't remember anything about that. i'll take it. hi, i'm lieutenant disher. uh, jennie. miss mandeville. just have a seat.

uh, is there a problem? i'm claustrophobic. is this the only room that you have? all the rooms are the same size, miss. please, just have a seat. this is lieutenant disher. i'm in interrogation room a with jennie mandeville. so, you say you robbed a bank. that's right. i went inside and... i saw one of those pens. you know, chained to the desk? and i really needed a pen. so, i snapped it off and i put it in my purse. you stole a pen? one pen? oh, god. do you think god will forgive me? i don't know, ma'am. but we do. you're free to go.

what is up with those three detectives? do you think we lost them? oh, natalie, they are not detectives. they're rent-a-cops. they're hired guns. they are mercenaries. in other words, they're us. this whole thing is about greed. you know how you always say you'll thank me later? you'll thank me later. oh, that's gotta be him. hello, are you mr. kwan? i think he nodded. that... was that a nod? sir? sir... if that was a nod, nod. sir, we found this at the scene of a crime. a robbery. we've been doing some research. this is your design, isn't it? you give these to your students? natalie, please. sir, you... you have a thread... hanging right in the middle there. just--i'll get it. just one little... uh... okay, mr. kwan, you look like

a very busy man, so i'm just gonna get right to the point. do you have a student that could fit inside of a roll-top desk? he can't be more than five feet tall. does that ring a bell? or a gong? mr. monk, you're distracting him! no, he's distracting me. is there anyone here who's that small and limber? who could scrunch up inside of a desk? a scruncher? a little scruncher? mr. kwan, there's a lot of money at stake here. i got it. i got it. (st. clare) well, well, well, mr. monk. we meet again. surprised? why don't you get your own clues? well, normally i do. but you two are so easy to follow. especially when you're kind enough to keep your emergency blinker on all day long. i told you. it's the safest way to drive. wait, don't question anybody yet. i have a voice stress analyzer. i'll be able to tell if he's lying or not. he hasn't said anything. you are a pathetic little frog, aren't you? you thought you could lose me, huh? well, you can all just relax. dirk'll take it from here. hey, hippie. you in charge? my name is dirk. i'm a professional bounty hunter.

i was wondering if i could have a word with you. maybe this'll change your mind. i got $200 here. $200? they do use money on your planet? [all talking at once] cabin 14. it doesn't say that. you're good. 225. his name is chasen. he's over at cabin 14. mr. monk, what are you doing? excuse me. hello, mr. chasen!

is this your necklace? we found it in a museum. okay, where's the diamond? hey! hey, i'm talking to you. wow, that's a really deep trance. couldn't be deeper. this man is dead. and it's not exactly therwhat you might think.town dannon oikos greek nonfat yogurt is packed with 12 grams of protein in every 5.3 oz cup. sink your teeth into that. dannon oikos. the new protein. ♪ dannon boredgive it a color boost! with l'oreal healthy look crème gloss haircolor. go from mousy to glossy! l'oreal healthy look haircolor lasts through 28 shampoos. so boost the color you've got - a little or a lot. go from mousy to glossy with l'oreal healthy look.

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welcome back, miss mandeville. have a seat. you know the drill. i don't like this room. please, miss mandeville, you said you had something important to tell me. something about a dead body. and you said you didn't wanna talk in my office.

i told you, i'm claustrophobic. what about another room? all of our interrogation rooms are the same size, unfortunately. no wet bars, no jacuzzis. please just have a seat. now, you said you found a body. your roommate's body. this... this is a real thing, right? not like, uh, stealing the pen from the bank? okay, good. tell me about it. this is lieutenant disher. i'm in interrogation room d talking with jennie mandeville. again. so, let's start from the beginning. what was your roommate's name? toni. toni? toni what? i don't know. you don't know. male or female? i think male. you're not sure? to tell you the truth... i just brought him home the day before.

okay. um... let's move on. so you came home, you found toni. and you, what, disposed of the body yourself? you realize that's a federal offense. i couldn't take it, okay? i couldn't just stand there looking at it. jennie, what did you do with the body? i flushed it down the toilet. was toni a goldfish? a hamster. a hamster. okay. here's the coroner's report. victim's name danny chasen. it's probably an alias. victim was poisoned. somebody spiked his all natural barley tea with ammonia. was he part of the heist?

looks like it. they found some hair samples in that roll-top desk at the museum. they match the body. what about the diamond? still missing in action. wasn't on him or in the cabin. we know he had a partner. somebody who works at the museum. it's probably still with them. wait, wait, wait. so the reward is still good, right? i mean, no one's claimed it. yes, as far as i know, the offer is still good. ka-ching. uh, can you make her stop saying that? this is no longer a parlor game. a man is dead, this is a homicide investigation now. which means nobody is to withhold any information from anybody. what, you're looking at me? yes, i am, ms. teeger. (gladys) did you write these?! don't deny it, i know it was you! "how are things down under? hint, hint." "monk was right, you should clean under the table." you don't fool me for a second. "it goes without saying, don't forget to throw away these little post-its too." captain, she never cleans under the tables...

you are not the boss of me! well, i think i am the boss of you. what makes you think you're the boss of me? if i was the boss of you, you'd be fired! whoa whoa whoa whoa! hey, separate. both of you. monk, over there. gladys, can i have a word with you, please? look, gladys, he's monk. try to ignore him. can you ignore him? no, i can't. just do the best you can. so you're not gonna arrest me? no, not this time, miss. but listen, the next time you feel like confessing something, you might wanna call a priest. will you escort miss mandeville out? [whistles] who's she? the looney tune of the month. her name's jennie mandeville.

she keeps coming in here and confessing to stuff. what was it this time? she comes in, same as yesterday. says she accidentally killed her roommate. so i take her into the back room and i turn on the tape recorder. turns out her roommate was a hamster. she didn't look unstable. they never do. okay, can we get back to work now? missing diamond, remember? ka-ching. ka-ching. she is putting so much pressure on me. she's obsessed with this million-dollar reward. obsessed. all right, well, adrian, she's worried about money. now, i know, a lot of people are. not me. when i was on the force, i used to hate cashing my paycheck. i still do. to me, police work is like a higher calling. like the priesthood. you know, adrian, even priests have to get paid. but it brings up an interesting question. something i would like to explore with you. what would you do if you had a million dollars? well, uh...

i guess i'd hire you full time. mmm. and keep you on retainer. 24/7. maybe i'd buy you a house right next to mine. so i could just drop in. anytime. [chuckles] this is fun. what would you do with a million dollars? buy an island. a desert island in... the middle of nowhere. so we would do our sessions over the phone? [laughs] well, see, this island, in my mind... no phone service. i guess i'd have to buy a boat. see, that's funny, because, the island, in my fantasy... no dock. well, may the best man win. excuse me! what are you doing? did you see that? there was someone out there.

i'm going to have to report this. it's okay. it's okay. he's just another detective trying to find the diamond. there's a whole bunch of them. yesterday, they followed us down the coast to that big meditation center in monterey. oh, i've been there. it's just beautiful. but this was years ago when jennie mandeville was still alive. jennie mandeville. jennie mandeville. yeah, she owned the property. there's this big plaque there with her name on it. that's right. i remember, i saw it. what? i just solved the case. i think i know where that diamond is. ah! i have to go. we'll add 20 minutes onto my next session. oh, adrian! adrian, i'm sorry. i have a policy. if you leave early, i have to charge you for the whole session. ugh! yeah.

okay. okay. okay. okay. [trolley bell chimes] natalie! natalie, i did it! i solved the case! i know where the diamond is! what? so where is it? it's at the police station, it's been there the whole time! it's been right under our nose. oh, my god. (natalie) who would do that? oh, my god. natalie! they're listening. what? what i meant was, i didn't solve the case. i wish i had, i'm completely stumped. what are you talking about? no, wait. what i really meant was, i did solve the case. the diamond is in the philippines. we gotta go the airport, fly to the-- forget about it. just run! run!

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we lost 'em. wait. we've been following monk, we've been watching monk. why don't we try thinking like monk? think like monk. think like monk.

he went that way. [laughing] i think we lost 'em. you keep saying that, but we never do. hey, taxi! taxi! police headquarters on vinton street. whoa whoa whoa whoa. what are you doing, chief? i'm with her. you gotta ride in the back, that's the rule. no, i prefer to sit up front. it's one of my things. it's true, it's one of his things. well, here's one of my things. nobody rides in the front. i'm afraid it's not negotiable. who's negotiating? that's it, i'm out of here. whoa whoa whoa, wait wait wait! i'll give you 50 bucks if you let him ride up front. why? what's he gonna do? nothing, nothing. he's got a cluster of compulsions and phobias that manifest themselves in a variety of,

you know... it's one of his things. he has things. $100. oh... all right, 72. that's all i have. welcome aboard. whoa, whoa, wait. this inspection sticker expired yesterday. yeah, i'm taking care of that tomorrow. expired. it's expired. mr. monk, it's a million dollars. please get in the cab for me. it's expired. forget about it, forget about it. give me back my money. no refunds. it's one of my things. where's... where's... oh, disher. yeah, yeah. i think he's in the observation room. gladys, we're being followed. don't tell anybody you saw us.

they locked the door! it says "push." that way. lieutenant! lieutenant, remember the security guard that you arrested? yeah. where did you interrogate him? right there, room b. and the girl who kept confessing, jennie mandeville, where did you take her? room a then room d. but she was never in there? no, no. it's gotta still be in there. in that room! what's in there? monk, what's going on? tell you later. whoa, you cannot come in here. my two friends are american citizens. they have a right to be here. myself, i am on a temporary visa. which i hope to extend. are they with you? only in the strictest, most terrible sense of the word. i heard you tell your shrink you solved the case. excuse me. nobody's going anywhere. not until we know what he knows. you just made a big mistake, my friend. i happen to be a police captain. and this is an unlawful imprisonment. book him. you're under arrest. turn around.

do you have your cuffs? in my office. it's in there, isn't it? the diamond is in that very room. it is? whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. [all yelling] shut up! everybody, shut up! everybody but monk. monk, what's going on? okay. here's what happened. the woman who founded the meditation center was named jennie mandeville. what, the confessor? no, the girl you met was not the real jennie mandeville. she got the name from a plaque she saw up at the retreat. she needed a fake name, maybe she liked the sound of it. what was she doing up there? she went there to kill danny chasen. the guy in the roll-top desk. it was probably her boyfriend's idea. jewel thieves are like children. they hate to share.

this is a very crowded room. this is a very very very very very very... monk, monk, it's okay. it's okay. who was her boyfriend? he was the security guard that randy arrested. he was the jewel thief! he was the inside man. the diamond was still in his pocket when you were talking to him. (disher) that's right, we brought him here right from the museum. (monk) i remember before the interrogation he was chewing a big piece of gum. when i saw him after the interrogation, the gum was gone. you had him on the drug charges, he knew he was about to be arrested. which, of course, meant he'd be searched. he panicked. he hid the diamond right there under the table. (stottlemeyer) with his chewing gum. (monk) people do it in restaurants all the time. i've written letters to my congressman and to the editor. what can i do? he must have telephoned his girlfriend from jail to tell her where he stashed the diamond. and that's why she was coming in here confessing to everything. and why she was always asking to switch rooms, 'cause she was trying to get in there. o-okay. i changed my mind.

there's seven of us and we're all adults. we'll just divide the money seven ways. no way. we were here first. i think it's only fair that we divide the proceeds. i mean, we have been working in tandem. we've not been working in tandem. you've been chasing us. that's not tandem. excuse me, could i say one thing? you and you and you... you're breathing my air. what about them? they're breathing your air. you're breathing his. it's complicated. but if these two dropped back-- monk. monk, it's okay. i'll call for help. (natalie) oh, my god. gladys. no no no no no. oh, no no no no. gladys, no! [all yelling] [knocking on glass] monk? is that you? [all yelling] [knocking] i told you to leave me alone. somebody barfed in the bathroom! no, come on! hey! [all yelling] there it is. [all yelling]

okay, fine! look, i'm gonna clean under the table just like you want, okay? [all yelling] go over the table and clean! okay? you happy? i can't look. ka-ching. [laughing] ♪ male announcer ] for those who willingly take on the day. [ screaming ] [ male announcer ] to make it better for someone else. the same way the smooth, creamy taste of coffee-mate

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she came in again late last night. said she had something to confess to. this time we got a real confession. okay, listen to this. "gladys winchim, who was employed "by a local cleaning service for the last 22 years, "will be flown to london on a private jet "to pick up her reward. "miss winchim found the stolen gem while cleaning under a table in an interrogation room." you're blaming me? under a table. why would they even want it back? there's gum all over it. i've got some good news. sort of a consolation prize. i talked to the commissioner. he's gonna put you under contract.

really? put you on a retainer. he has guaranteed you 16 homicides a year for the next two years. 16 a year. well, what about after that? well, we'll have to take it one year at a time. we'll see. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com

>> today on "tmz" -- >> the audacity of britney spears to be a coke enthusiast when she made millions off of pepsi. >> she has been wheeling and

dealing in the stock market. they lost $340 on mcdonald's. she invested in john deere. >> the stock, i like tractors! >> i got this video of michael jackson doing a photo shoot. a sheet of paper has the holes in the wall. he starts to crawl through the hole. he can't get his leg through. he eats it so hard. >> what was it for? >> it was for ebony magazine, how did equalify? > holloway online for kids trashing kids on the house. >> he is concerned that there is crack use among the kids. >> we're not going to argue against high school crack. >> bruce jenner, got another face surgery. he had some cancerous tissues on his nose. >> its kris jenner's fault. she is supporting him financially. when is making him be lazy and

now he has cancer. >> kris jenner causes cancer. >> is that cancer with a k? >> that's funny. >> it's time to play that and go.guessing game, >> hey, beautiful, how are you? >> let's see, she is beautiful, but there is a guy in the leather jacket grabbing her arm. >> so they're going take you. >> quick, call the police! you better let her go. >> we have adriana lima on bedford. >> thank you god. >> how did she get back from europe too fast? >> airplane. >> it's amazing. >> dude, literally photos just came of her taking photos for victoria's secret. >> she was giving parisians photos so is she stateside now? >> this is the sexiest video

that we have done. she comes out of the deli. >> everybody thinks you're the most beautiful. do you think anybody else is the most beautiful? can you just blow me a kiss, to "tmz." oh, my god. >> wait a second. >> that is not adriana lima? >> i trust zach. >> it seems weird that she would blow a kiss? >> yeah, because she is in europe. >> no human here. >> you're going to get your badge back. >> you got the x, he took his best and independent investigation against policy and got it back. inspector dax. thanks random hot chick. >> we got mark cuban, what do you think of bill gates on the "forbes" list? >> he said let me tell you a story. >> bill gates stole my girl.

>> that is an awesome story. >> tell me. >> true, man, he had more money before. >> i found the story online. he says that he was at a party in the 1980's. i was way couple of girls that were clear out of my league. one of their friends said they're leaving to party with some guys named bill gates. he was worth $60 million. >> they're both amazing. >> bill gates is changing the world every single day! mark cuban, this is a really good show. >> shark tank and locked up. >> i'm sick of locked up. >> you got to go locked up abroad. it's the same things you got drugs in your [beep]. >> same thing. >> ass master! >> thank you, mr. cuban. >> britney spears spent thousands of dollars on coke. no, that's lindsay lohan.

that's alleged. we keend of got off on the wrong foot here. someone explain about brit. >> she is wheeling and dealing in the stock market. we got her portfolio for the year 2012. >> what we found will make you go -- yes. >> last year she sold 574 shares of coke, but the bigger thing is she has no pepsi stock. >> no pepsi stock! en show brit femalely repped pepsi back in -- famously repped pepsi back in 2001. you were the choice of a new generation or you were tasting the difference or whatever. more importantly -- >> she made $8 million off of pepsi as endorsing it. how am i to believe that britney spears truly likes pepsi when i was watching these commercials -- >> yes, picture a young harvey levin, say in his early 60's, backwards baseball cap rocking

out to brit selling pepsi and it was all a lie. >> she has no idea what she had. never touched it before. >> she may have people for that. what else is in her portfolio? >> she lost $640 on mcdonald's stock and about $1,200 on khipotle stock. >> hope she is ok. what else? >> she is investing in john deere. >> who are choosing these stocks. it sounds like the kids in fifth grade, i like tractors! >> yes, she does manager her own portfolio. shame on you, plrit. don't want to hear it. >> we got percy sledge in new york. >> what is happening, mr. sledge. >> everyone in this room knows his song. >> percy sledge wrote and sang "when a man loves a woman." >> your song, "when a man loves

a woman" the best of all time. >> that's his song. that's his song. >> that, my friend, is michael bolton's song. >> it's not michael bolton. >> no, no, no! >> you give michael bolton credit for that, are you kidding me? don't say that. >> we have the michael bolton version, do you worry when people cover his song, people will know them rather than you. he said no. >> myself, i can never do that again. >> he can do it again. >> michael bolton song, dude. >> percy sledge is so much more awesome singing that song. >> play that song. >> we can do both. ♪ when a man loves a woman >> that's not michael bolton? >> no, that's percy sledge. hold on ♪ when a man loves a woman ♪ [cheers and applause] >> horrible!

>> bolton! >> no. >> thanks, sir. >> september 19, 2013, will be remembered as one of the saddest days ever. >> the guy who brought nintendo to the world died. >> yes, ex-nintendo president passed on thursday at the age of 85 years old. in other words, he will not continue, but, boy, did he have a great three lives. >> he had a great life, worth $2.1 billion. >> more importantly, he brought joy to the entire world. >> he was the only person deciding on which video games nintendo was going to make back in the day. >> everyone has their favorite including "boardwalk empire" style michael kay williams. >> did you play them when your younger? >> yes. >> what was your favorite? >> "donkey kong." >> mario brothers.

>> epic. >> contra was good. >> petris. >> ninja guys, the list goes on and we all have this mega man to thank. >> this guy was a genius. they should make his funeral fun. you walk in, beep, beep, beep, beep. >> they can release the ducks and shoot them and everyone can leave him flowers which you can pick up and get fireballs and then we'll show this special tribute video. thanks for the good times. >> man, rest in peace. >> we're waving the mario flag at half mast. >> how are you doing tonight? >> good, thank you. >> bobby brown, both in new edition together. this is a story of a poor lady

trying to do the right thing. e is giving her money. he goes on to the car and bobby brown and the women come out and the rose lady runs up. she is speaking in spanish. they don't know what you're saying? >> no, no, no, no. >> she is being so annoying. >> oh, no. >> he comes up -- >> now in a moment of truth, what do they do? oh, sorry. >> he bought one flower for each of them. he is holding the entire bouquet. i think he bought the whole thing to make it up to her. >> or he jacked that woman's bouquet! >> [beep] give me them roses, now! >> have a good night. >> thank you. >> coming up -- >> brian latrell from the back street boys, he sold his tiny

little house. he does not live larger than life. >> oh. >> do that again without that. >> i don't want it that way. >> plus -- >> michael jackson from 2007 during a photo shoot, he eats it so hard in this video. he is like hiding in a hole in the wall. he goes back in time, michael. go back in time. >> he gets blacker? [laughter] >> "tmz" brought to you by netflix.

>> coming up -- >> bruce jenner had some cancerous tissues on his nose. >> it's kris jenner's fault. he is supporting him

>> "tmz" presents imaginea successful boy band mega mansions starring back street boy brian latrell and his maid's quarters? >> i learned something yesterday. brian latrell from the backstreet boys does not live larger than life. >> oh, larger than life. >> it's not funny because it's the name of a song. >> i figured they are all really rich. >> it's actually a fair way of putting it. it's not really a -- >> exactly. urious house that he sold for $1.14 million. >> it's only 18 square feet.

>> is there a pool? >> you think they have room for a pool? >> no, the $1.1 million house is a piece of crap. >> that's not the point. it's the point it's a back street boy, the most successful boy band in the whole history. you think it's going to be enormous, that's the point. >> why would it be enormous? >> it doesn't have to be enormous. stop playing games with his parts. oh, crap, it's contagious. as for brian, congratulations on selling your kind of nice but not worth millions of dollars home. >> don't call it [beep]. >> bruce jenner got another face surgery. he had some cancerous tissues on his nose. >> this is serious. >> he was out seen with all of these band aids across his nose. everyone was wondering what the hell was going on. he had cancer again. about a year ago, he had a cancerous spot on the side of his face they had to remove. you know what the problem is?

he has too much leisure time. >> it's kris jenner's fault. she is supporting him financially which is it making him lazy and going golfing and now he has cancer. thanks, kris jenner. >> it's a plausible theory. >> she is tryingo kill that dude. >> is that cancer with a k? [laughter] >> michael jackson has been dead for four years or alive for four ghost years depending on how you look at it. now he lives again, not literally, because we have video of his very last photo shoot. let's watch. michael jackson go boom. ok, someone explain. >> we got this video of michael jackson from 2007 during a photo shoot. it's awesome because he eats this so hard in this video. >> geez, a fall like that could have kild him. oh, right, sorry.

so how did this happen to michael? >> a sheet of paper with all of these like holes in the wall and he is hiding through like this taking pictures. the camera guy goes go back in time, michael, go back in time. >> his skin gets darker. >> go back in time. >> he comes back and he is like me. >> the guy from the fabulous "tmz" tour now available in hollywood and new york, wait, you meant black. back to m.j. >> he pokes his head back out through the hole like that. he comes back out and gives the thumbs up. it's the craziest video. >> what's it for? >> it was for ebony magazine or something like that. >> how did equal? >> you set me up for that one. you were saving that one. >> almost certainly. michael, any last words? hilarious. so, all right, michael jackson, we miss that sweet sound you make while falling down. one more time.

>> we got iliana. >> iliana. she is very famous. >> we finally got her. >> she had a talk show, now i think she is on oprah's network. >> i have seen the show, helping people out. >> love your work. > thank you. that's not great advice. >> why? >> go to rehab and stop cooking crack. >> is her show on anymore, is it still on own? >> all i can say is -- i'm not going to say it. >> say it. >> it just seems odd to me. >> what seems odd? >> with a black channel, the word "own" is not what you want to call it. [laughter] >> i love your work. >> coming up --

>> former nfl player brian holloway has a vacation home and a bunch of teenage children found out and had a giant party. >> they broke 10 windows and doors and got in the house. >> break one and unlock the door, dummy. >> they're not smart kids.

>> r. kelly in new york. the package is coming out. >> no, don't. that got you trouble in before. > we love hollyw

>> "tmz" online and on your hone 24/7. >> whoa, yeah, check it out, former new england patriots star brian holloway had the best party ever, but he wasn't there. and he didn't know about it. and he is face age lawsuit. blondy, do that thing where you tell the thing. >> brian holloway has a vacation home in up-state new york. somehow a bunch of teenage children in that area found out that house was empty for the weekend. >> they broke in, threw a party and posted a bunch of photos on twitter and facebook of them in the house. >> they trashed it. >> they broke 10 windows and doors and got in the house. >> break one and unlock the door, dummies. >> they're not smart kids. >> no, after brian saw the damage, he found the photos these kids posted online, he created his own website and reposted their pictures. now to the crazy part. >> and now the parents, i guess

are super pissed that he puts images of their children on the website. they're threatening to sue him for defaming their children. >> because the parents are saying my kids are not going to be able to get into college because people know who they are. >> now boo [beep] hoo. >> what about defamation. >> there is no defamation. at least half of those kids didn't know they were partying in a broken-into house. their names are in there because they went to a party on the weekend with everyone. >> there is a bigger issue. brian found evidence of meth and crack which he talked to us on "tmz live." >> if we don't do something about this, these kids are going to continue on this track and it's going to cost them their lives. >> he is concerned there is crack use among the kids. >> he has an outstanding point. >> i'm not going to argue against high school crack use. >> "tmz," um, don't do crack.

thanks, brian. party at brian's house! just kidding. >> coming up -- >> we got garcell. which songs are guaranteed to get you on the dance floor? >> wham. >> which is obvious with this video ♪ pick me up before you >> closed captioning and other considerations for "tmz" provided by --

>> you look amazing as always. garcel bouvier, fancy from the jimmie foxx show. >> what song is guaranteed to

get you on the dance floor? >> wham. >> we had a whole dance party. >> the where? >> during the eak in our office. >> just now? >> yeah, just now. >> you should view this video. >> ♪ wake me up before you go go ♪ ♪ leave me hanging on like a yo-yo ♪ ♪ >> i feel like i want to play this. >> it's on instagram. >> already? >> crystal. >> aw! >> i wanted to do it first. i'm so embarrassed. >> i didn't know this was going to get out so she tagged me. >> who is she? [laughter] [captioning made possible by warner bros. domestic television distribution] o>úúúc

nilely's father defends his little girl. >> what you got? >> now on "extra."

billy ray takes on the backlash over miley's twerkgate. >> a lot of people have hated what she did. >> what he once warned her here on "extra." plus, moving trucks at miley's. is liam gone? new pics, kim k blonde and out of hiding. was she just dumped from her megabucks diet deal? now trending, zac efron nearly trampled by a stampede of girls. the stars' extreme beauty secrets for sunday's emmys, botox, body slimming, wraps. >> any last-minute fashion emergencies? plus, "extra's" "new york times" emmy forecast. it's the show to beat. the voice's original four reunited on extra.>it's the sho the voice's original four reunited on extra.>it's the sho the voice's original four reunited on extra. it's the sho the voice's original four reunited on extra. ♪ >> how christina got super thin.

>> what have you been doing? plus, justin timberlake's most awkward interview ever. what's in the box? >> oh, my god. >> this is "extra" at universal studios hollywood. the entertainment capital of l.a. welcome to "extra," i'm mario lopez. >> i'm maria menounos. martha stewart denying the rumors she is dating a married man. >> whoa, martha's love life has been in the news a lot lately. first, the one person who hasn't talked about miley'sville ma performance, her father, billy ray cyrus. >> he is finally speaking out. and he says miley has had to sex up her image. here's jerry. >> dad on the defense. >> what you got? >> billy ray with "extra." >> everything is going great. >> moments after his hot seat sit-down with piers morgan. a lot of people hated what she did. >> now, miley's family concerned about her behavior holds private top-secret meetings, billy ray breaking his silence. >> all of what everyone is calling controversy now, i

still -- that's still my miley. >> publicly supporting his 20-year-old daughter. shfrmts went and cut her hair off. that was human. she could have stayed hannah montana forever, she is more of an artist forthat. >> billy ray on our "extra" set warning a then 13-year-old miley about stardom. >> as you know, i tried to steer you away from this. you were a bit scared? >> for everything that's good, there's something that's bad, hey, we are in the middle of hollywood now. >> yeah. >> no looking back. >> now his little miley naked on a wrecking ball. ♪ >> and twerking at the "vma"s. >> you know what she was going to do? >> i knew that she wanted to do something that everybody was going to be talking b. >> always going to make people talk, you might as well make them talk for, like two weeks. >> miley's upcoming mtv documentary hinting there are more shocking things to come. >> right now, i'm point in my career, i can be exactly what i want to be. >> word today she wants to be

back with her ex, liam, texting him non-stop. doesn't look like that will happen. moving trucks just spied at miley's. liam's new girlfriend spotted at a mexico city press conference, refusing to give up any secrets about their relationship. online now, five things about liam's new girl, including her plastic surgery. >> i know billy ray's great guy, as a father, i got to says the's got to be hard watching your daughter grow up like that on stage. >> a tight walk, he knows the business, he it is her dad it is kind of weird. now let's get to the other top trending stories today, starting with some crazy new video of zack he have roone. >> looks like those headlines about going to rehab didn't even faze his fan base. >> chased, mobbed by fans. zac efron braving you the cameras for the first time since reports broke of his secret trips to rehab for cocaine addiction. 295-year-old smiling, looking healthy, creating a wild scene at a peruvian airport he's heads home from a vacation at maccu

picchu. charlie sheen now denying screening headlines he and zac went on drug-fueled parties before efren went to rehab. today, rob lowe is coming to zac's defense tweeting, "if you only find out a person has been to rehab weeks or months after they got out, they are probably serious about recovery." true. >> rob told me just a few months ago that he is actually 23 years sober. >> the best thing that ever happened to me was embracing recovery. now, this story really surprised me, martha stewart accused of dating a married man. >> ben crepe pin kirk is the man who helped build her hamptons' home. >> martha is denying it it turns out the person making the claims is ben's daughter, laura. sounds like dad and daughter have been feuding for quite a while now. she claims she saw the incident years ago but is only now coming forward. new photo today, kim k in l.a. still rocking her new

blonde hairstyle. i'm waiting for her to be a brunette again. she lost a lot of baby weight already. >> i know. she looks amazing. reportedly lost a megabucks weight loss deal, mario, after dedemanding more thanned the 5 million the company wanted to pay her. who knows. happy birthday robin roberts, one year after her bone marrow transplant, michael strahan surprising her with a cake. the "gma" host unveiling her new ad for be the match.org. >> you have the power to save a life. >> 65,000 people have joined the bone marrow registry since robin went public. >> i love how people come up to me and say it gives them strength, knowing whatever they are going through, they are going to get through it, too. >> robin's been such a positive force for other people battling cancer so great to see huh? >> absolutely. well, the countdown to emmys is a officially on. >> yes. >> and i got on the party train early, hitting up the people's style watch bash last night. >> did you have fun? >> it did. i barely go out, nowadays.

>> i like your hair, by the way, the '60s sort of deal with the big old curl. it was nice. >> thanks. it was a lot of fun. >> head on down to the emmy red carpet. rehn stay in there with our fashion expert, in style editor, hal rubinstein. >> i want to get your fashion forecast what we are going to see sunday in a sec, but first, all the videos from the late night emmy preparties. who's wearing what? who's going with whom? and last-minute red carpet beauty secrets exposed. emmy gossip going from a whisper to a roar around the parties in full swing just two days before tv's biggest night. stacy keibler was a new brown net do, jack osbourne, roma downey and jack burnett rubbing elbows at the hollywood bash. >> great to be together. >> diddy with katharine mcphee and jesse tyler ferguson from modern family, four nominations no wins, not that he is complaining. >> a embarrassment of riches at this point. >> the biggest question on the red carpet, will the recently separated michael douglas and

catherine zeta-jones come together? they share a birthday next week. sword he bought her a half-million sparkly present. the other biggest question always, may i ask who you're wearing? >> what hot fashion trends can we expect to see sunday? >> lightness, left beading, a lot more artisan rick, not so much about the flash and sparkle on the skip but true craftsmanship. >> who do you think will take the biggest red carpet risk? >> kerry washington, her year, claire danes, always modern, young and sleek, one of the freshest faces out there, emilia crock. >> what is under the dresses as important as the dresses themselves, extra uncovering this year's top secret body trim prerp, the l.a. slim wrap, head to toe in bandages, squirted with liquid and then you exercise. >> renee, don't need to do anything. she looks great. >> thank you, hal. when we are finally ready it is on to the show. >> gearing up to host and con throw verse brewing over the in memorial segment. people upset over a special tribute planned five tv

personality, including james began doll feelny and cory montei monteith, not on that list, larry hagman. joining me now with more backstage scoop, the "new york times'" brian set iter. how are you doing, brian? >> good, thanks. >> let's dive in talk about "breaking bad," final season, dos that probably have the most momentum? >> i think a favorite. knowing has been nominated four years in a row, hasn't one yet, i have a feeling they are going to want to give it the lifetime achievement award. always surprises, people thought last year mad men was going to win for a fifth year in a row and homeland stole the stage. >> thank you, brian. >> thank you. >> you, of course can see all the action from the emmys monday on "extra." maria? >> i can't wait, mario. going to be a lot of fun. this mon day is also the premiere of the voice, season five. renee spoke with the judges and they are picking up right where they left off, pick on each other. >> almost like they were never gone. ♪ >> oh. >> feel that right there?

>> trying -- >> the at that moment, the funny. >> i think you just like to look at me. >> i do. >> all back in full force as the voice preps for season five and another round of prime time talent show wars. guys, welcome back. christina, especially you. did you miss me? >> i saw you. >> happens everywhere we go. >> miss each other? >> of course. yeah. i couldn't be happier right now. a family reunion, to be very honest. >> christina's slimmed down maxim magazine cover figure, the talk of the stage. >> i think we can both agree she looks absolutely ridiculously amazing. >> she dose. amazing. >> what have you been doing? >> i think when things feel good inside they can come outside. >> aguilera hinting there was more to her year off than anybody knows. >> a time and place to get into what happened. seriously, it is about not stressing and finding true, i think, piece of yourself. >> shakira and usher going to be missed. >> didn't do as bad as one would

have assumed, but's my chair. >> as far as adam's concerned, blake is his. >> strayed from me for a minute i let him go on this journey. you go with us. you better go take pictures of them all, that's cool. but you'll be back. you'll be back. >> that's true. >> he is. he is. came running. >> the voice bucks back onto nbc monday. this weekend, adam and maroon 5 are going to be joining the biggest names in music at the iheartradio music festival in vegas. >> britney, mccartney, justin timberlake, katy perry, elton john. i can go on and on and mario and i will be backstage with them all and you will see them all right here. up next, mario's saved by the bell reunion with elizabeth berkeley. star selfies without makeup, rinna did it. >> now it's maria's turn. let's see. then dylan mcdermott in times square with aj, sneak peeking his drama-packed new show "hostages." >> this is fire television.

plus, how justin timberlake survived his lost in translation interview with this sexy brazilian reporter. >> say your name, justin? "survi translation interview with thi sexy brazilian reporter. >> say your name, justin?

tv fans rejoice, most of your favorite shows and a whole bunch of new ones are kicking off this next week. which show are you most looking forward to coming back? >> definitely home land. so excited. >> also excited see the michael j. fox show. really funny. one of the shows getting all kinds of buzz right now -- >> "hostages." aj is with one as far as new york now. >> hey, guy, one of the guys you don't want to mess with him on show, dylan mcdermott. >> not going to repeat myself. "hostages" a different type of television show, a thriller, like alfred hitchcock. >> he's a rogue fbi agent who takes a surgeon and her family host. an >> tomorrow, your going operate on the president. he will die during surgery. do this for us, otherwise, we will kill your family. >> that's how we begin. and from there it even gets crazier. >> a lot of action? a lot of stunts? >> like that. you hear what happened? that's extra. >> a lot of stunt? >> i do all my own stunts. >> don't mess with this guy.

>> watch "hostages." >> monday on cbs. monday on abc is the new "dancing with the stars." elizabeth berkeley, of course is a front-runner. i just saw on twitter, a saved by the bell reunion, 20 years in the making. ac slater and jesse span know back together. >> yeah. mama and i back. it was so much fun catching up with my girl, elizabeth. i totally think she has a great shot going all the way this season. >> yep t took a little push from me to get her to do it but now, my saved by the bell co-star doing me proud. out of the gate, you guys are were awesome, great job, taking care of my girl right here and you're fired second. how do you feel? >> first of all, just grateful to you for encouraging know go for t. >> thank you. >> grateful to him for being an amazing partner. and i'm just excited to keep working hard. >> that was a great piece of dancing. the choreography was so demanding. >> you're dore abelson, sky, he is only 1. >> he is 1. >> did he watch? >> when i got home, he was waiting up, he sat on my lap and

we played it back and he literally was swaying. can you imagine? mama, and turned back. i will never forget that moment. >> i will never forget this one, strapping the dance shoes back on, a quick lesson from val, then time to take my old friend for a spin. >> back, together. back, together >> and out. >> hey! hey! >> good! >> 10. >> 10. >> online, hitting up my former saved by the bell co-star with a little pop quiz. >> what? >> that's on extratv.com. coming up, justin timberlake's new "runner runner" interview pins the awkward meter. >> i'm sorry. and you got to see what's in the box for justin. plus, joel mchale is here with maria, roasting the kardashians and miley. >> i can't tell the difference between her around justin bieber.

the gotta see video of the day today, justin timberlake in the middle of the awkward olympics with a brazilian reporter. the whole interview is like a game of "lost in translation." check it out. [ speaking spanish ] >> i don't know. [ speaking spanish ]

>> oh. >> i cannot say your name, justin -- justin -- justin -- >> sounds good. say jt. jt. >> huh? jt. >> i got to say justin, justin, justin. super cool. playing along with it even when she presented him with a gift in a box. >> oh, my god. >> it was a butt in a box and i loved how she want him to play bong goes on it, too. >> reaction was amazing that inrview looks like the kind of thing you would see on "the soup." i talked to the roast master himself, host joel mchale. breaking news about the fifth season of "community." >> start with huh? jonathan banks in breaking sad about on the show. >> taking dead aim at his favorite tabloid target, the kardashians. >> i like how kim now says she has to get back to work. yeah, just existing and then someone recording it? >> it was really hard. >> she appears. >> grandma now. >> singer tiffany, one of the stars appearing in joel's "what would you do for a klondike"

celebrity challenge. sunday on facebook, he will he will be awarding celebrities the best challenge. >> clondy award, not to be confused with the emmy awards. >> won't see a twerking milely on the show. >> love her haircut. i can't tell the difference between her and justin bieber. they are both very pretty. >> for more on joel's very funny klondike campaign go to our facebook page. all right, so, mario, i am a woman of my word, i said i would post a self-no makeup on on twitter today, like all the stars are doing. here it s >> just as beautiful, you can pull it off with that face of yours. >> thank you. what are you gonna do now? >> you know, i have about thinking about it. >> uh-huh. >> so, howby introduce our next story? here's today's "extra" extra. monday's premiere night on cbs. chuck lori another hit on his hands with "mom." anna farris and allison jani star as mother and daughter, recovering addict reese connecting after years apart. >> just because you're sober doesn't mean you can't take a xanax. >> actually, mom it sort of does.

>> single mother, anna, struggling to stay connected to her own daughter. >> she has a lot of problems. >> i got pregnant with you when i was a teenager. please don't take this the wrong way. it ruined my life. >> right before "mom" -- >> we're back, baby. >> "two broke girls request" and cupcakes back for season three. >> name marks the hospital wouldn't let my mother name me oops. >> over on abc. >> oh, my god, you're proposing. >> season six picks one "castle" getting an answer to his marriage proposal. >> so that is yes? >> no, wait. >> no? you do know how this works, right? >> dallas howard and her director dad, ron, teaming up for the project imagine nation to prove anyone can be a filmmaker. contestants, using photos to inspire their short films. >> my dad and i watched the 20 finalists films and decided on the five winning films there and will be a film festival they are i don't. >> preps are under way for

tonight's entertainment weekly ands "extra's" preemmy party at hotspot. >> expecting about 450 guests, including kerry washington and you the cast of the big bang theory. >> gourmet meal and designer drink, including the signature l'oreal par

well, he may only be a few months old, but already, little prince george was named london's most influential person. his mom, princess kate, was number seven on the list. and she is the subject of a new juicy book. >> the world obsessed with william and kate's love story, royal watcher katie nicholl going beyond the fairytale,

discovering shocking new details in her new unauthorized bio. packed with bombshells, one of them, kate met william before they attended st. andrew's university. >> that was quite a startling revelation. >> after a ten-year courtship, a secret marriage plan hatched during a trip to the shea shells. >> she made a pact and that pact was they would get married. >> "kate, the future queen" in stores now. next time, get ready for something extra. >> at the emmir, of course. >> mario and maria with the hot emmy gossip, next "extra." ♪

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hey. miss me? debra: uh-huh. [whispering] i'm not talking to you.

i'm not talking to you, either. yeah, well, you know, it's just that sometimes i feel like there's not enough time. well, yeah, you're right, as always. yeah. oh, well, no, thank you for being so understanding. ok, bye. who was that? shh. debra on radio: you know, it's just that sometimes i feel like there's not enough time. you're on the radio? dr. nora on radio: your husband's not a mind reader, debra. husband? tell him what you need. need? debra on radio: thank you for being so understanding. dr. nora: and thank you for joining me today it's your problem. i'm dr. nora sarazin. good night, and remember, you've got no one to blame but yourself. whoo! mmm, hi, honey. you're talking about me to some radio shrink? she's one of the most respected psychotherapists in the country. i was lucky to get through. what did you say to her? it's just that i called because some other caller was saying

how she didn't feel appreciated. some hooker from dallas. wait a minute. so you don't feel appreciated. it's just that we don't get to spend a lot of time together. and dr. nora says that can lead to feeling unappreciated. oh, what the hell is she talking about? i appreciate you. by the way, thanks for... everything. yeah, you... [telephone rings] hello. oh, yeah, right here. it's dr. nora. shut up. sure. hello. [whispering] ray, it's dr. nora! that's what i said. [chopping] hi there. uh-huh. [chopping] do you have to do that now? stop it. uh-huh. oh, really? wow. that would be terrific. [ice cubes clanking] [ice cubes clanking] shh! yeah. what? oh, my god. i am so flattered. [rustling]

[clank] when would that be? debra: yeah. [snap] i think that would be fine. [snap] no, it would-- well, listen, [snap] it's great talking to you, [snap snap] 'cause i've been listening to you for years, and-- [snap] yes-- [snap] ok, well, thank you so much. [snap] ok, take care. bye. [snap] ray! bags! do you know what that was? do you know what that was? a magical illusion. dr. nora is coming here. she's coming here. wha-what are you-- get out of here. why here? she wants to interview me for a book she's doing on the american family. why you? because she says i'm part of a vanishing breed-- the housewife. i called you that. you made me sit in the garage. honey, i can't believe she's coming here! now, listen. she means a lot to me. so you can't be doing all this...stuff, ok?

you got to look like someone i would be with. i'm not going t be with you tomorrow 'cause i'm going golfing. you have to be here, ray. aww.... the book's about families. she loves to ask really tough questions, so we gotta get our stories straight. stories straight? what'd we do, knock over a 7-eleven? ok, now, that's exactly the kind of thing that is going to kill us-- your "sense of humor."