[sports news plays on tv] hey! hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? turning off the tv. in fact, we should move the tv. i don't want dr. nora to think this is the focal point of our living room. it's the focal point of our lives. ray, just move this into the den, ok? [doorbell rings] [gasp] oh, my god, she's here. i'll get it. no, no, no, no! i'll get it. just, ray, please.

please what? just...please. debra: ok... hello. hi! debra? yes. oh, my god. come on in. this is unbelievable. ray, this is dr. sarazin. there's no reason to be so formal. call me dr. nora. ha ha ha! dr. nora. i feel stupid. debra: ha ha ha! you have a lovely home. oh, thanks. you know, we're gonna repaint this room. too many bad memories here. ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha! and, uh--well, these are our 2 boys, geoffrey and michael. what adorable twins. oh, thank you. it is good you dress them differently. well, of course, because they're different people with different personalities. and--and this is my daughter ally. hello! what are you drawing there, ally? naked barbies. um...honey, why don't we draw barbie building something, huh?

she could still be naked. ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha! he's always so funny. can you go soon? ok, sweetie, it's nap time now, ok? you want me to get 'em up? oh, no, i'll get 'em. i love caring for the children. it's so...fulfilling. [cooing voice] ok, come on. come on, ally, let's go. i'll read you a story, ok? i'll be just a minute, all right? and, uh, ray. don't... don't what? just don't. so, ray, what's it like having 3 children under the age of 5? well... i like to tell people it's kind of like a frat house. yeah. nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up. can i quote you? why, you like that?

oh, yeah, i do. debra: get back in that crib now! said the mama bear to the three little bears. she tells great stories, doesn't she? ray: oh, no. ray, there's a big black car parked in your driveway. yeah. debra's got some company, all right? so-- you know who drives big black cars? the feds. it's my car. i'm here to see debra. ooh, wait a minute. say something else. hello. i'm dr. nora. oh, that voice. are you dr. nora? that's me. ohh! oh ho ho! i can't tell you what a huge fan i am of yours. you taught me to express myself. thanks a bunch, lady. these are the... kind of parents th keep you in business. we live right across the street. really? how ya fixed for pie, ray?

i take it the boundaries are rather informal. oh, they're rather invisible. oh, you and i have a lot in common. all right, ma, dr. nora's got time to write you one quick prescription, then you gotta go, ok? oh, i am so glad that debra's seeing someone, you know. uh... just between us, what's wrong with her? so you're a radio doctor, huh? uh-huh. you wouldn't think you'd have to be on the radio with that figure. frank! it's a compliment. yeah. he used to write for hallmark, my father. you still don't know how to behave, do you? hey, leave me alone. i'm talking. you're not talking, you're embarrassing. you always do that to me. like with lee and stan in the restaurant. ♪ i'm not listening anymore to that ♪ he does that to try to drown me out. how do you like it if i say, ♪ frank barone, won't you shut up tonight ♪ ♪ shut up tonight ♪ shut up tonight [both singing over each other]

♪ shut up tonight, shut up tonight ♪ all right, mom, dad, stop it. mom! look, company. ray, come here. dr. nora is here to talk to me, not to... peaches and herb. i know. all right. i'm gonna get rid of them. don't call my mother herb. [knock on door] hey. debra: ray... oh, robert! i want you to meet dr. nora, the famous psychologist from the radio. hello! is this about me? um...actually, it's not about any of you. dr. nora is here to talk to me, so thanks for visiting-- oh, debra, i would love if they would stay. i think they'd add an interesting dimension to the piece. hey, chips. [mouth full] you hear that? we're interesting. and your husband is very funny.

she's gonna quote me. well, you know, actually, that's why i married him, dr. nora, for his sense of humor. you see, um, we met when i was doing p.r. for a hockey team. i know what you're going to say. "oh, a woman in hockey?" but actually, um, it wasn't--um... i--well... i'm not sure if that's the, uh, kind of information that you're looking for. would you like me to get right to our sex life? excuse me. are you very nervous right now, or do you do that all the time? do what? shoparly with kmart ys sneak free layaway. and even (shop your way) member priced... items can be put on layaway. kmart. get in. get more christmas.

uh, hey pumpkin bear. didme from something happen? i sent you like a hundred texts. jerk. jerk? what? oh, hey, they're coming in now sweety. wait, you fell off your bike. you broke your arm. i'm gonna hunt you down, all caps. two years is too long to wait. introducing jump from t-mobile. upgrade when you want, not when you're told. get the samsung galaxy s4 for $99.99 down at participating t-mobile stores now.

[door opens] hey. [door closes] all right, i'm no expert at body language, but... stop yelling. dr. nora was supposed to be here for me, not your family, and by the end, she didn't even know i was in the room. sure, she did. who did she think was bringing her all that...pie? look, of course she was interested in them. some shrinks got to go to 40 institutions to find all the action she found in that room today. yeah. she was pretty interested in you, too, huh? and me...

little bit. i think she was very impressed with my weekly underwear schedule. huh? 8 years. 8 years you made fun of me. come on. dr. nora thought i was boring. look, you're not boring. you're...normal. all right? that's good. growing up in my family, i prayed for normal every night. then i'd fall asleep to the sound of my brother naming his toes. there was, uh, fat tony, jimmy the weasel, billy, stretch, and tastes bad. [sighs] i was so excited that dr. nora was coming here, but there's no way i could follow the dysfunctional family circus. well, you should've went on before them. look, maybe if you'd been yourself, dr. nora would've been more interested.

why did you go put on a big act for her? because i am boring! there's, you know, nothing about me that's...you know, like, quirky or...funny or...interesting. what are you doing? um, there's a little left in there. i'm sorry. no. see, that's exactly my problem. i don't do that. do what? lick the bowl! i mean, that's the kind of great weird stuff you freakin' guys do all the time. what? what do you mean, this? you could do this. you...come on. come on. come on. come to the dark side.

come on. lick the bowl. "i won't hurt you. i'm just a bowl, that's all." all right, we'll work on it. look, ray, just tell me something, ok? do you think that i'm...boring? thank you very much for your answer, ray. oh, come on. i didn't say anything. come on, deb. deb... ally, want some chocolate milk? there you go. ally, how did you think of that? it's easy.

guess you just have to be a blood relative. hello, dear. hi. oh, what's for dinner? just turkey dogs. turkey dogs? what an interesting choice. well, i have them every week. that's totally, uh, insane. what? ha ha ha. what he means is you've got some imagination there, debra. ha ha ha ha. where are you going, honey? can i be excused? well, you didn't finish your hot dog. it tastes like chocolate milk. ok. ha ha ha. isn't she marvelous with the kids, huh? so, uh, offbeat? so...debra...hi. hi. oh, look. you're wearing slippers and socks at the same time.

that's--that is so unique and different. ok. all right. you can all stop now. i get it. stop what? trying to make me feel like i'm interesting. it's a very nice effort, but it's a little transparent. what's she talking about? that's that imagination again. all right, already. hey, honey. what's up? guess what, ray. your family came over to convince me that i'm fascinating. what do you mean? all at once? not one at a time, which would be the smart, subtle way? you know, when you're feeling really bad about yourself, there's nothing to make you feel better than being patronized.

thank you very much, ray. you're welcome. what did you do? what did you do? well, we tried to do what you said, but she didn't give us much to work with. sock and slippers. ok, i'm very boring! yes, i know. i'm very boring, ok? we can all agree. oh, honey, i would never call you boring. you--you-- you just lack a certain... flair! flair. like all of you have. well, your dr. nora seems to think so. yeah. she's sending a photographer over to take our picture. all right, stop helping out. thanks. no, no, that's ok. they're right. i'm not interesting. i don't have flair. i mean, maybe i would have flair if i, uh... oh, barged into people's houses 50 times a day going, uh, "oh, what's that dear? "oh, frosting in a can. ha ha ha ha.

so much easier than homemade." yeah, yeah, or what about, "i smelled something questionable in the refrigerator. ooh, ooh, it's gotten worse." ha ha ha ha ha. she's doing you. maybe this is more interesting, huh? "how ya fixed for pie, sweetheart?" take it easy. stop it. ♪ i'm not listening anymore ♪ ♪ doo-dah, doo-dah she's very good, i'm telling you. you're very good. you're very interesting, too. that's all. how about this for some fascinating behavior, huh? yeah. "oh, gee. never ends for raymond. hmm. no. you're a lucky man, raymond. lucky man." no, no. oh, no, no. everybody loves raymond. everybody just loves raymond. everybody loves raymond. everybody just loves raymond. do me now.

got the aspirin. oh, thanks. feeling better? i think i popped something. don't worry, though. i'll go over in the morning and apologize, all right? you can go over there, but don't apologize. just do the act again. they loved you, huh? you were afraid you were boring. yeah, but, i mean, that wasn't me, ray. that was them. nothing funny about me to imitate, you know. what are you talking about? here, i'll do you. "ray, get off of me. it's not your birthday." i'm kidding, all right? you don't say that... exactly.

ray, you just, you know, you don't know what it's like to go through your whole life just...normal. you don't get it. you got to be normal. i mean, look at all of us. we need a normal one. god, that's true. that's why i married you. hey, you know what? you are weird. oh, you're just saying that to be nice. no. uh-uh. listen. why would any normal person put up with us for as long as you have? i don't know. that--that's right. i was born into this family. i'm stuck with that one, but... what kind of weirdo would choose to be one of us? there's something wrong with you. you know, you really think so? you think something's wrong with me? well, of course. look at you. how could you explain it? yeah. i think you're right.

i'm really weird. you're weird. you're a sick, twisted individual. sick. really twisted. yeah. ray... give yourself some credit. yeah. we have got a safe driver headed toward the freeway. he is doing 44 in a 45, now looks like he is headed into a tunnel. the headlights are coming on, it's dark in there, that's good. in the nation, safe just got a little more exciting. alright he's out. add vanishing deductible from nationwide insurance and get $100 off for every year of safe driving. he's entering the freeway, blinker is on. just another way we put members first. because we don't have shareholders. look at that. bill, that's a perfect merge. join the nation. i mean that was just, that was flawless. ♪ nationwide is on your side ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm watching you tonight. ♪ it's in those blue eyes.

♪ sweet surprise. ♪ that everything feels right. ♪ tonight. ♪ oooooooo.

high fructose corn syrup from yoplait original and light, we were like, "sure. no problem!" and you were like, "thanks, but what about thick & creamy and whips!" and we were like, "done and done! now it's out of everything yoplait makes." and you were all, "yum!" and we're like, "is it just us, or has this been a really good conversation?" and you were like, "i would talk, but my mouth is full of yogurt." yoplait. it is so good!

you imitated everybody today except me. i can't do you. come on. no, i can't. go ahead. give it a try. "ohh, no... "honey, there's something wrong with the shower."

"get outta here." "ooh, my rash is back." you know, it isn't funny if it hurts the other person. you know that. captioning performed by talk productions captioned by captioneering your closed captioning resource

okay, see this radish? that's gonna be mars. that's earth's next-door neighbor here. hey, debra, i gotta use your dryer. ours is out of whack, and i got a handball game in two hours. yeah, but, frank, i have a whole-- i can't tell whether marie washed these or if they're still damp from tuesday's game. ( sighs ) okay, i'm sorry, honey. now where were we? debra, look, do me a favor. i'm calling channel 11. ask the lady which twilight zone is on tonight. oh, robert, no. why don't you ask her that? she knows my voice. oh, come on, i can't-- yeah, hello, hello? uh, yeah. can you tell me which episode of, uh... twilight zone. twilight zone is on tonight, please? yeah. okay. thank you. lady picks up a hitchhiker who turns out to be death. ah, that's a great one. you know, you would think death is a big guy, but he's a little guy.

genius. my shorts are riding along with some of your fine washables. debra, these potatoes are great. robert, those are for company tonight. come on. ray! hey. what's going on? how ya doin'? your brother came over to find out what episode of twilight zone is on tonight. oh. which one? "death the hitchhiker." little guy? yeah, uh-huh. good one. little guy. dad, what are you doing here? waiting for his shorts to dry. in the morning is easy. pop them in, go about your business, and in just 15 minutes, your family can enjoy warm fresh from the oven biscuits.

pillsbury grands biscuits. let the making begin. faster than kenny can dodge a question. honey, how'd that test go? [ female announcer ] in just 60 seconds, you've got snack defying, satisfying mmm. totino's pizza rolls. mm-hmm. hmm. [ female announcer ] zero to pizza. pronto. now in two bold new flavors! [where's my pot roast? zero to pizza. pronto. oh, that's over at my house. what? what's it doing over there? oh, when i smelled it earlier, it definitely needed some work. what? see, i drained it, and i'm readjusting the spices. what, you got it up on the lift over there, ma? marie, i made that roast for company tonight. listen, call me later this afternoon. i'll let you know how it's going.

you go into my refrigerator-- ( arguing ) no, i think it's time-- maybe we should leave. follow me. what about my shorts? dad, nobody's gonna touch 'em. i'm just trying to help. help me now, please. robert, please. come on. bread? yeah, yeah, you can have it. ray, am i a bad person? no. no. because i am having some bad thoughts. well, they'll do that to you. my god, i just can't take anymore. let's just move, huh? believe me, i would love to, okay? we can't right now. well, when can we? five seconds after we can afford it. i-i would never have thought that i would miss our little apartment in queens. come on, that apartment was tiny and cramped and noisy. yeah, and your parents would only visit every other month. i loved that place. i know. remember that little kitchenette?

yeah. remember the cozy little bedroom? yeah, it had that cute little love seat. yeah, yeah. oh... why did we ever leave? hmm. you all done, ally? mommy will help you, okay? ooh, that looks nummy. yeah...mmm! ray: found it! ha ha. come on,it's my last year. will you?b methe ic, ice cream... yep. we only got three more. that's all right.i . we could just tie itaround yourk and keep your handsfree for coo. okay. so, hey -- tomorrow'sthe big s.

gonna knoweverythin. no, no. i told you, i don't want to knowwhat's in te besides the ice cream. okay, fine,i won't , but i want to knowt. you're carrying low,and your no. you should be happy we have, ray, okay? rooting for a boy. i'm not rooting. oh. we have a girl, which is the greatestgift in th. to want another onewould be gre. ( knock on door ) a philanthropist, ray. that's me. hey. hey. hi, robert.how are you? here for a while? id oh, sure. you'realways welc. i tell you, raymond,you got it - a kid, one on the way... love. fightin' again? joae

"again" implies we stop. know why she yelledat m? during lunch. ping-pong what? what's wrong with that? i had fun without her. you know, you two have to talkthis stuff . on communication. i can talk a guyoff a b, when it comes tomy wife) all right, it's bad. okay, robert,it. all right. no, no -- all right, drag me down. let it if she doesn't want me,i'm e out there who...en might. i'm sure it's allgoing to work . well, i hope sofor her . she could end upa divorced d her parents' basement. ha ha ha ha ha! huh! here. oh, come on,you eat your . mmm. see how goodthey are? come.

these are yummy.watch. watch me. mmm. see? good? yeah, they're good,they're yumm. come on,you like potatoes. you haven't even touchedyour co. hi. hi, daddy. how did it go? information.on'tgivh how'dthe sonogram g? ray, you are notgonna believe -- no, no,tut-tut-tut-! you-you're giving i! sayianything. on your face.t's-a-k did not. that it's a boy now.ing me stop yelling!you're making me h! if you stop telling me what the baby is. just tell me,is it ? yes. that's enough. and -- bup-bup-buh! fine. okay. you'll find outin four mont. thank you.

of names now?'rg yeah, a little. jeffrey?thinkin. do you want to know? no. no. no. until i know.n't rest come here, ray,come on. jus- just come here. should i? yes. come on.si. you know already,right? just... look at this, okay? ( clears throat ) i'm looking at.t the hell your handiwork.ow you ( clears throat ) there's a leg. right. that's another leg. uh-huh. and, uh...oh! what's thatin betwe? is that an arm?