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i said, we're downwind of the sewage treatment plant. uh-oh. uh-oh. captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

>> elliott abrams is a senior fellow for middle eastern studies at the council on foreign relations near our

nation's capitol. he served a deputy assistant to the president and deputy national security advise advisor in the administration of george w. bush where he spfd policy for the middle east in the white house. we're glad to have you here today. >> glad to be here. >> how does the palestinians think. >> i think they're divided, you know, they're divided between the west bank and gaza. they're divide between fatah and ham as. i. i think they all want an independent country but are their views of what that country should lock and how it relates to israel and us are divide. >> how can you want a state if the majority of your financing comes from elsewhere? you continue to arm terrorist groups, and you respect none of the agreements that you reach and you just want to highjack an airborne over the negotiations

between and you south carolina o the u.n. where their record on israel is i go nothing but a joke, it's embarrassing. when you don't even have a starting point, how can you talk about it as a state. >> i think you can talk about it as a tboal, as an objective. i think most israelis would like to separate. from the palestinians. don't want a one state solution. they want a separate state. whether or not the palestinians have met the prerequisites for statehood is a good question because as you just said, the economy doesn't make it. they survive on foreign aid. they don't really control the territory which is divided. ham as has half of the population. so i think if you have an objective set of standards for what you need to be independent, they don't meet those standards yet. the europeans imposed those after the soviet union collapsed, and you had a lot of new countries in eastern europe. they came up with a set of

standards, control the territory, control the population, have a government, have a -- they don't meet those standards yet. >> i'll tell you something that is quite bothersome. it seems that it wasn't until anthony wiener's seat was lost in new york, and when the mainstream media printed the tea leaves that it appears as though the solid jewish vote was abandoning the president, that all of a sudden the administration found a policy with some backbone. and before finding that, they created an environment where the palestinians thought they could do stuff that had never happened on the dime of george bush. totally disregarded the process and do whatever they want to do. and what is so bothersome about that is that it does seem that this administration's policy is about principles, about any kind of loyalty to the possible democracy in the e-mailed middle east.

you wave your finger in the wind but i don't know which constituents they administration is playing to. >> i think you're right. you're right about that speech at the u.n. all of a sudden the president durns turns on a dime when we get into an election year. to me that was a campaign speech more than a speech addressed to the u.n. but then whos he kirking favor with? i think he made a big error at the beginning of this, 2009. he thought that distancing from israel is good for the united states, helps us and helps move them toward peace, and it does not. not only does it make the israelis obviously nervous we'll be right back makes the palestinians think we don't need to no, imraipt obama will deliver everything on a silver platter for us. and for the europeans and arabs, they just move away from israel and they say, oh, good. the united states is distancing. we will distance even more. we can go get the israelis now because they are vulnerable now if the americans don't have their back. huge mistake because that's not the road to peace in the middle

east. >> whom in the middle east from your experience can we actually trust? is it the saudis? is it the egyptians? at this time is turkeyish who have abandoned israel, by the way. i think they are backing the president's policy. but where do ours trusts lie where we give it and don't get it? >> well, we've got one solid alli because it's a solid democracy, and that's israel. in the case of some of the gulf arabs, they are to iran and that makes them turn to us as the only power that could conceivably counter balance iran, and i think you can trust the iran policy, they hate them, but that's about it, particularly now. you have a new gofd in tunisia, new government in libya, new government in egypt. who knows what their policy is going to be. and then you have toish which has been an alli for 50 years and i would say today it's still in nato but i don't see how you can call turkey an alli today

not with their new foreign policy. >> so much has been given to assange and the uprising and the turmoil in the middle east to egypt to what's going on even in turkey, even in syria, even in libya. it was that that gave this administration to support sarkozy in his efforts to oust gadhafiy. but what is that it we have not talked about that from your experience that also continues to lead to the uprising besides assange and wik wikileaks? >> well, i'd like to go back to president bush who i think had it right as far as 2003 saying that everybody in the middle east is not constantly focused on israel. they are in the u.n. but what tunisians care about is their own lives. what egyptians, libyans care about is their own oppression, their own poverty, their own search for dignity and justice, and that's really led to these

revolts. it's true that wikileaks, particularly in the case of tunisia which was the first domino to fall, i think wikileaks did matter. but for me the key thing is this error that president obama has made in thinking that everybody in the middle east goes to bed every night thinking about palestinians. they don't. they go to bed thinking about themselves and their families. that's why they wanted to get rid of the these offensive, failed reseems -- oppssive failed regimes. >> i'm going to take a break and add the time from this to my next segment because i don't want to be in a rush what i'm about to ask you. the honorable elliott abrams, formerly with the bush administration advicing him on middle eastern affairs our guest. i'm armstrong williams, and we'll be back.

elliott abrams was educated at harvard college, the london school of economics, and harvard law school. he is the author of thee books "undue process" "security" and cashing fice" and "faith or fear." we welcome him back to the broadcast. can you be objective about israel? >> i think i can. feel very attached to israel but as you said i studied in england and europe, feel very attached to england. i think i can be objective. >> let's test it. >> okay. >> we talk about the palestinians. we know about all of their problems and their disregard for this process. about you what about israel? what are they doing in this process?

that could, let's say, escalate the situation. could they be a better peace broker in this process? could they deal with the west bank situation better and the housing situation that has been going on? where are they are shortcomings in this process? >> well, there are always shortcomings. we start with that. no government is going to have a perfect record where you can say, oh, they're just ideal. and i think my criticism of them would not be on the settlements where i think there haven't been new settlements in years. they're basically building in and not expanding, despite what our own government says. but i would like to see them be a little more active. i think they've been kind of reactive and you can understand why if you look at the change in situation, egypt, turkey, but i do think they have not taken the igns in their own hand as much as they could with respect to particularly the west bank. >> now, i want to take this further.

you know, i am obviously biased towards israel. i mean, it goes back to my christian faith, it goes back to the fact that i spent so much time there, but something that i've never really had anybody to explain in great detail, which really needs splen as a, and i think you're the best person to do it, i could not understand israel's involvement with south africa's apart hide government. given its own situation and what it's had to endure, i cannot understand why it would be supportive of such a bloody regime. >> well, first of all, it was a mistake. i mean -- >> i ask you to explain it because it's something that i always get, and i'm asking you what is the answer. >> i think the answer is they just felt the whole world was against them and they reached out for any ally they could find, and these guys stepped up. at the same time the shaw of iran was an ally. the shaw was a horrible

repressive dictators in those days but he was this. he was pro israeli, basically. i think they were looking around, your willing to be pro-israel. he's willing to be. i think they took anybody they could get. the again mistake, mistaib politically, mistab morally. but i think they were just looking around and saying yes to anybody who said we want to be your ally. >> you know, why has it taken so long in libya to do -- first of all, many people disagree with us going into libya because you could have justified going into syria, iran, saudi arabia, as far as we're concerned that's supposedly our greatest ally in the middle east. but why has it taken months and months to do what could have happened in a few weeks? >> well, i think particularly this isn't a mistake by president obama in this sense. if you decide that you're going to support the libyan rebellian and nato is going to do it, nato

is the tool for doing it, then put the resources in to do this in six weeks. i think that would have been possible. we went in and we pulled back. there are assets we only have. the air-to-ground attack. the french don't have that, british don't have that. we pulled back. i really think that when there was significant momentum, i'm going back to march, he could have been ousted in a matter of weeks, and thousands and thousands of libyans are dead because this thing lasted six months. i think that was a mistake and it is a failure leadership. if you're going to go in, go in and win. don't drag it out. >> has terrorism become an industry that's overhyped, oversold, and it's such a lucrative business that people make money out of keeping people in fear that it's just not around the corner but it's looking at you? >> i don't think so. i think there are, you know, in washington lots of beltway

bandits who are making good money was terrorism consultants, but every few months you see an incident where americans might have been inland killed killed, whether it's in chicago or in time's square or something coming out of pakistan. they're still trying, and it's, you know, it's not a miracle. it's hard work by the c.i.a. and the f.b.i. and so forth that's given us ten years without an attack. so while maybe the government is spending too much money on consultants and so forth. basically, they're still trying to kill us. >> what are our policies in the middle east? does our president and secretary of state have the trust and the respect to bring everyone to the table to see them as honest brokers? >> i don't think so. i think the president, frankly, has gotten this wrong right from the start, first of all by thinking there's oy one issue in the email 1 not iran, not libya, it's the palestinian

issue. and then he's lost the confidence both parties. clinton and bush had the confidence of the palestinians and the israelis. you can do that if they see you as an honest broker. i don't think the israelis see him as much of a friend, and neither do the palestinians. there's a famous interview in march that president abbas, the palestinian leader, gave to newswe where he basically said i didn't invent this settlement as a precondition. president obama did, and once he did it what could i do but, of course, support him? i couldn't let him be more palestinian than he me, and he took me up a tree and left me on that tree three times. that's almost a quote of what abbas said. it's not easy but we have managed to do it, to lose i think the trust of of both sides at the same time. >> finally, before we say goodbye, what are we to do about that lurking time bomb in iran? >> this is the tough question. i mean, we talk about some of

these other issues, libya, the palestinians. these are not nearly as serious as iran, and we're getting there. 2012, maybe 2013 they're going to be at that point of no return, and the question is going to face whoever is our president then and whoever is israel's prime minister. do you mean it when you say it's not acceptable for them to have a nuclear weapon? do you mean i don't like that, that's a bummer, that's not good or do you mean it is not acceptable? because if you mean it's not acceptable, you need to have the military option on the table. >> what is the military option? >> military option is some kind of missile and bombing strike at their key nuclear facilities. that wouldn't destroy their program but it would set it back by a number of years. and then -- >> and if we don't, should israel do the honor? >> my short answer, yes. >> then there's no long answer. listen, it's been such an honor to have you on. much respect.

continue to do what you do. and finally, will there be a palestinian state? >> there will be a palestinian state but it's going to take a number of years. >> how many? >> something like three to five, i think. >> three to five, but it will happen. thank you so much. when we come back. >> you're welcome. >> erik will be joining us to stalk about another aspect of terrorism. mr. i will yot, thank you. we'll be back. >> from the travelers along the road of life who have fallen asleep at the wheel to the many who woke up in time to avert disaster and get back on righteous path, for those who adhere to a virtuous and righteous path. finally armstrong william's new much anticipated new book "reawakening vir views" gives his insights into these daily challenges and much more. "reawakening virtues" is

>> one of my personal favorite comment taurus eric stegallbalk.

the terrorist next door: how the government is deceiving you about islamic threat. let's talk about the islamic threat and how beav been deceived. >> a few ways. first thank you for having me. the islam threats the u.s. number one obama after the assassination of osama bin laden, a great day for america no doubt, we're being led that the war on terror is all about al-qaeda. this administration that is dmit tunnel vision. they're leading the american people to think we are only fighting al-qaeda when we have hamas, the muslim brotherhood, this whole muslim brotherhood thriving including on american soil. this is so much deeper than just al-qaeda. the muslim brotherhood. this is another part of this deception, armstrong. the muslim brotherhood is the granddaddy of them all when it comes to islamic jihaddist dpriewps. as i outline in the book, our administration is reaching out to the muslim brotherhood,

treatening them as a moderate broker for peace, and a counter weight to al-qaeda. it sounds crazy. the muslim brotherhood is a jihaddist group, yet the administration considers them moderate and worthy of outreach. that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to deception. >> what about terrorist groups on american soil in. >> well, look, in the past two or three years, armstrong, we have had an explosion of home-grown terrorism. now, a lot of it has flown under the radar, but we have tens, dozens of americans, american citizens arrested on terrorism charges right here on u.s. soil in some of the most unlikely places, in the bible belt, in rural america, in the book i outline a case in willow spring, north carolina. this is dukes of hazard country. a nine-man islamic terrorist cell rolled up in the rolling country side of rural north carolina plotting to attack u.s. military installations. this is happening more and more with greater frequency from coast to coast, not just in

major cities look new york, chicago, l.a. in the heartland, in the bible belt i think it's really going to stun a lot of people to see just how deeply it's ingrained if the american fabric now, islamic radicalism, not just terrorism but radicalism, radical mosqueness nashville, tennessee, in the bible belt. this is becoming more and more prev ent and it's no coincidence. this is a strategy by islamic radicalises. >> some will tell that you president barack obama and his administration has done a yeoman's job in fighting terrorism, terrorist cells, even enforcing some of the laws that were controversial during the bush administration. >> sure. that's a good point. i think it goes back to what i said in beginning, armstrong, the tunnel vision. the obama administration in my opinion has done a very good job battling al-qaeda. they have killed several top al-qaeda leaders. they got osama bin laden. they have continued those drone missile strikes in afghanistan, pakistan, even in yemen. they've done a very good job with al-qaeda, i do believe.

but in terms of the larger, broader, ideological threat they've been completely out to lunch and be they have end boldened radical islam pipsz they have done in it several ways, throwing israel under the bus, for example, has done so much to e bolden radical islamic forces. empowering the slim brotherhood. the muslim brotherhood is the forerunner, the precursor of al-qaeda and all of these groups. they are the most influential islamic in the world but the obama administration is embracing them in a big way. the missteps in the middle east. throwing mubarak under the bus. libya, some of the countries in arab spring, it looks like radical islamists will come to power. so the obama dmrks, and you make a good point, armstrong, they have continued seferlt bush era counterterrorism policies which obama was fiercely against. then he got into office, got the briefing hoist desk and said these policies actually work and

they help protect america. so they have done a good job against al-qaeda. i will not deny that. but in the brotherly battle -- and about iran? iran is the epicenter of global jihad? what about this administration do about iran? we have yet to see this radical islamic fight. >> erik steg elberg is my guest. we'll come back with some final thoughts. don't want to miss it. >> for more information on the armstrong williams show, please visit our new website at www.rightsidewire.com. there you can find syndicated column archives, view live streams, and get your favorite conservative pundit's views on the current issues affecting the american people. from building wealth to foreign policy, stay connected with armstrong williams and his colleagues at the all new www.rightsidewire.com.

eric, the terrorist next door. i think what should surprise people most in the book is just the speed at which mosques are being rapidly being built around this country. >> yeah,, you know, armstrong, i think that's going to stun a lot of people. in the book i actually have a chapter called "mega mosque nation," and i point out the massive mosque building. in the year 2001 in the after math of 9/11 there were 1200 mosques in america. now ten years later there are over 2,000 mosques. the number of mosques in america in the past decade alone has nearly doubled p. that's astounding. that is not a coincidence. >> but could that also be an

indication of our freedom of religion and because america's still different from anywhere else, that may be a blessing for us instead of a curse? >> well, look -- >> you as the author. >> absolutely it's a sign of our tolerance and religious freedom without a doubt. we have heard otherwise from opponents if you on foes ground zero mosque you're a racist and it's an infringement on religious freedom we're told, yet say the a mosques as double in this country in only ten years so absolutely, armstrong, it shows our tolerance and religious freedom but i don't think it's placing because as i show in the book too many of these mosques preach terrorism, are funded by saudi arabia which is one of the hotbeds of worldwide radical islam. too many of these mosques are being built, and these are multi-million dollar project is straight ahead out over several acres of land in idz places as nashville, tennessee, northern

kentucky. too many of them are preaching hatred and teaching a radical brand of islam that's antithetical to the u.s. constitution. >> i want to thank our earlier guest elliott abrams for joining us. how does one get your box "the terrorist next door?" >> amazon.com, barnes & noble, cbn.com, wherever boorks are sold you can pick it up. >> thank you for writing the book. >> thank you. thanks for having me. appreciate it. >> because the best security agent to fight terrorism are we the people. thank you, everybody. have a good day. laverne's funeral,

but dr. cox was having more trouble adjusting to his new baby's name. what's wrong with jennifer dylan? you named our daughter... j.d. ♪ it's a beautiful mornin' j.d.! sorry, i was thinking about something else. why would you do such a thing? i was hoping that you would hate the name so much that you wouldn't be able to hide your spite from your daughter and she would love me more than you. i gotta go. don't forget, mama's comin' home tomorrow, so the fridge needs to be restocked with rice cakes and vodka. jordan, while you were on bed rest for the last 2 months, i served as mother, father, butler, breadwinner, and, thanks to our son's pension for eating nickels and your irrational fear that they're never going to pass through his system... poo-poo sifter, i was hoping that upon your return,

you would start to assume some domestic responsibilities. pass! captioning made possible by touchstone television and the national broadcasting company ♪ amazing grace ♪ ♪ how sweet the sound ♪ that saved... j.d.: the music was so perfect, that for a moment, it made us all happy. well, most of us. i'll you why they sound that good, roy, because they show up for practice! j.d.: everyone reacts differently at funerals. some people wear their emotions on their sleeves... others are more stoic... ♪ i'm found j.d.: and there's always that one guy who's completely inappropriate. i did her autopsy. i'm her uncle. your niece had beautiful guts. nice save, chief. j.d.: as for me, i couldn't help but imagine what my own funeral would be like.

♪ my girl wants to party all the time ♪ ♪ party all the time yeah! and as you know, j.d. only had 2 requests, and that is that the choir sing the song that will remind us of how much he loved to party, and that he could get one last hug from each of you. [organ music playing] [elliot sniffs] you were the only one i never faked it with. it's true. hell, i... i love you, newbie. i should have done this a long time ago. i knew you loved me! i just had to fake my own death to prove it. he loves me, everyone! can i get an amen?! all: amen! whoo! god is good! [snap] worth it. [thud] and then we'd have my real funeral. are you an idiot? no, sir, i'm a dreamer. ♪ i can't do this all on my own ♪

♪ no, i know ♪ i'm no superman captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org-- ♪ i'm no superman ♪ captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org-- [ male announcer ] at cheez-it®, whmmm,ect a lot frwhat are you doing? studying. studying? quantum physics. that's not mine?! i don't know where that came from! aw, do you ha... is that a check? that's not a good check is it? what do you think? it's a bad check. [ male announcer ] we take the time for our cheese to mature before we bake it into every delicious cracker because at cheez-it®, real cheese matters™. i will present your world, at a glance. i will remain untangled and uncomplicated. and let nothing or no one go unnoticed.

all from one. all for you. i am the new rhyme by htc. only from verizon. brothers and sisters, as we leave here today, let's not mourn laverne's passing, amen? all: amen. let us celebrate her life, for, isn't that what she'd want us to do? all: mm-hmm. that's where she got that. let us live like she lived, and don't be afraid to open your heart to those that are dear to you. amen? all: amen. and always make sure you put yourself in other people's shoes before you judge them. is that all right? all: that's right! and no matter how busy life gets, i want you to take 20 minutes every day, for yourself, so you can reflect on who you are as one of god's children, amen? all: amen! i love you, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. thank you for coming. ♪ amazing grace

j.d.: it was weird, because even though we were all caught up in the moment, once we got to work, we fell right back into our routines. turk, she's back. oh, my god. tammy 2-toes. carla: so that's it? one second we're mourning laverne, and the next you're making up ridiculous nicknames? baby, what am i supposed to call her? her name's tammy and she's got 2 toes. i hate this. everybody's moving on as if laverne was never even here. baby... it's like her feet are giving me the peace sign. j.d.: what carla didn't know was that some people were already taking laverne's life lessons to heart. perry, can i ask you a favor? actually, bob, out of respect for laverne, no. you see, according to the right reverend jimmy t. gibbons-- that's the name i gave the minister in my mind-- every day, bob, every day, i am to take 20 minutes for myself. right about now, i'm going to be entering my imaginary, soundproof glass bubble. that way, i don't have to be bothered

by loudmouths like you. i was just going to ask you to keep your yapper shut while i read the paper, so everybody wins. dr. cox-- you might want to knock. he's in an imaginary glass bubble. what? i need help with a patient. 20 minutes. hey, how long does it take for an old woman to bleed to death? oh! j.d.: i still had the post-funeral blues, so i pulled out my secret weapon to bribe turk into hanging out with me. i'm gonna get that sour ball today, right? if i give it up right away, you won't respect me. hello, mr. francis. when did your son start having stomach pains? oh, i'm sorry. you're deaf. it's ok, it's all right. will you help me communicate with your dad? oh, and you're deaf, too. what are the odds? i'm a doctor, i should probably know that. here, i'll just write the questions down. give me your pen. i don't have a pen, my pockets are empty. except for the sour ball.

turk, there never was a sour ball. i knew that. i just didn't want to believe it. turk: dr. cox. do you know sign language? i know just one sign. it means leave me alone for 20 minutes or die painfully. dr. cox! oh! we can't place a chest tube in mr. carney, and he's crashing, so-- for the love of god! dr. kelso, do you know sign language? is that a really commonly used sign? i'm calling personnel. there's gotta be someone in this hospital that does sign language. doctors. get out of here! get the heck out of here! you don't know how to...all right. elliot...

i know i was supposed to be sad at that funeral, but all i could think about was how lucky i am to have you in my life, you know? i'm sorry, i'm just not really in the mood for relationship-y talk. yeah, sure. and don't you dare remove that tie. let me guess-- you want to do some crazy, sexual role playing. no, i just never get the chance to see you in a suit, that's all. elliot? fine. i'm a trailer-trashy pop star who rarely wears underwear, and you're one of my backup dancers who's not quite sure about his sexuality-- yet. no, i don't want to do britney and k-fed anymore. since the divorce, it's too sad. ok, uh... you're... one of rhode island's top defense attorneys, and i have just hired you because i killed my husband in an argument over my addiction to painkillers. got it. oh! [both moaning] his medical records are in michigan, with his mom. he's only with me for a week. ok, well, tell him we're gonna run some tests, and we'll be back once we get the results.

how do you know sign language? well, when i was in high school, i was a volunteer janitor with the hoboken zoo. and one night, i was out plucking peacock feathers to sell for pins, when i noticed gary the gorilla making the sign for "food." i gave him my danish. he gave the sign for "thank you." it was the only 2 signs that gary knew. except for boobs. he liked them big and hairy. join the club, player. get away. ok. so, eventually, gary, i'm sorry to say, died of lung cancer. for that, i blame myself because i used to share my smokes with him. but, he also piqued my interest in signing, and in his memory, i took my first signing class. is any of that true? someone would have to read it back to me. uh, what's up your caboodle? caboodle? oh, it's a new word i'm trying out to replace ass. i have loose morals, and i'm living in sin, so, still hoping that not being a potty mouth will get me into heaven. well, i was just thinking it would be nice if people at least acted like they missed laverne, you know?

keith: hey, elliot, look, i know this weekend is our one year anniversary, but my college buddy donny is in vegas, and he wants me to fly out. coolio. all right. [chuckles] are you for real? that's a trick, right? i mean, when he comes back from vegas, you're gonna tear him a new one? no. with keith, i've decided i'm going to be the best girlfriend ever. if that means skipping some silly anniversary, that's fine. if it means having some crazy sex and then running off without cuddling to go meet the fellas for a beer, great! i might cry. man, if you were just 40 yea older. hey, check this out. not only does our deaf kid only have a mild case of gastroenteritis, they just faxed me his medical history. his condition is congenital. they tried a hearing aid with no results, but i think he's a perfect candidate for a cochlear implant. i think we can make this kid hear! dude, that's amazing. can you teach me how to sign

"i think we can fix your son's hearing." or i could just tell him. i think it's best that he hear it from a doctor. no, you just want the glory. are you really that emotionally needy? have we not met? oh, you're right, i'm sorry. wasn't thinking. look, why don't we go in there and split the glory 3 ways, ok? let's go. the 3 doctors. j.d.: nothing is ever easy around here. whether it's something as simple as trying to find 20 minutes for yourself... dr. cox, can we go somewhere and talk about laverne for a while? that sounds like exactly... what i want to do. j.d.: or something as big as finding out your relationship isn't going as well as you thought. hey, can you pass me a fake sugar? elliot, this relationship isn't working for me. well, that sucks caboodle. j.d.: still, none of that matters when you get to change someone's life forever.

turk: what'd he say? he said, "no, thank you." a body at rest tends to stay at rest... while a body in motion tends to stay in motion. staying active can actually ease arthritis symptoms. but if you have arthritis, staying active can be difficult. prescription celebrex can help relieve arthritis pain so your body can stay in motion. because just one 200mg celebrex a day can provide 24 hour relief for many with arthritis pain and inflammation. plus, in clinical studies, celebrex is proven to improve daily physical function so moving is easier. and celebrex is not a narcotic. when it comes to relieving your arthritis pain, you and your doctor need to balance the benefits with the risks. all prescription nsaids, like celebrex, ibuprofen, naproxen, and meloxicam have the same cardiovascular warning. they all may increase the chance of heart attack or stroke, which can lead to death. this chance increases if you have heart disease or risk factors such as high blood pressure

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ok, i'm in. well, i told him everything you said-- his kid's the perfect age for the procedure, his insurance will cover it, and he's still not interested. elliot, i don't have a friend in vegas, ok? that was a test to see if you even care about our anniversary. obviously you don't. why are you trying to mess up a good thing? oh, so now my feelings don't count? look, i-- [thuds] sir, can we help you here? oh, you already are, sweetheart. i forgot to bring my paper down here, but this gab fest is just delicious. so go on. you were talking about your relationship. only it was like, he's the chick and you're the dude. all you think about is sex. here we go, nag, nag, nag. ha! you nagger! hey, what'd you just call him, you punk ass? a nagger. ok, we're cool. elliot, you're always talking to everyone else about marriage and having babies, but you've never seriously talked about it with me.

i love you, ok? you know you've never said that to me before? and that's fine. i can wait. but if we're not moving towards something, i need to know. so are you gonna say anything? i really don't know what i'd say. then forget it. bitches, huh? what are you gonna do? ok, what's the problem? laverne was our friend, and people are walking around like she never existed. it's not right, you know? yeah. tough crap. excuse me?! you can't tell other people how to feel. you just can't. some want to cry. that's fine. others may choose to laugh, and guess what? that's ok, too. plus, you don't know what's going on inside people's heads. take, um... take pee pants here. now how do you know he's not thinking about laverne right now? i am thinking about her. i haven't seen my cell phone since her autopsy.

you don't think, if i call it-- you're done. so, to sum up, tough crap. hope that helps. [whistles] people, before i disappear for 20 minutes, i want to make sure all my patients are alive. a simple "still here" will suffice. sound off like you got a pair... patients: still here. ted, we know denying surgery isn't technically child abuse, we're just wondering if we have any legal recourse. just give me one second. are you looking for a legal precedent? no, i'm looking up the word "recourse." recourse... dr. cox! what? what now? what does somebody need now? our deaf patient's father won't sign a consent form so he can have a cochlear implant. hmm. who could you possibly go to if the father won't sign? here's a hint-- it begins with an "m" and ends with an "r." marg helgenberger! the mother! get the mother to sign it! the mother will sign it!

the mother! come on! then it's not marg. we did not end well. hell hath no fury like a helgenberger scorned. scorned... after "r"... so keith's been on your case about getting serious? totally. first he wants me to be all, like, open and honest about how i feel. i mean, do you guys talk like that in your relationships? i tell turk i love him all the time. i wish i'd told laverne more. downer. i haven't seen you in a while. oh, she just had a baby. well, then, how can you be drinking? aren't you breastfeeding? i haven't decided. were you breastfed? of course i was. that is so interesting, 'cause you're a slaggy buttinski who ended up becoming a waitress for a living. maybe breastfeeding isn't the answer. this is the greatest night ever. you know what? i mean, if i really did have deep feelings for keith, i would have told him by now.

maybe it is time to move on. that's a bunch of crap. excuse me? you're a chicken. in the last 6 years, i've seen you get really close to one guy, and that was was j.d., and he crushed you. and since then, you've been so scared of getting hurt, i've seen you sabotage every relationship you've been in. honestly, you must be crazy about keith to let him have survived this long. but don't worry-- you'll be alone again soon enough. you know, carla, sometimes, you can be a real caboodlehole. [crunches] [sighs] oh, now, bob, what the hell? have you just been sitting on your pruney keister all day reading the paper? heavens, no! i also went downstairs to get a cup of coffee. well, it must be nice not having everyone want a piece of you. if one more person interrupts my me-time, i'm going to go ahead and get a tattoo of my hand giving the middle finger on the back of my head. well, why not? it's not as though it could make you look any more like a psychopath.

well, whatever it takes to get them to leave me alone. you love it. how's that? being everybody's go-to guy. perry, people do not do tngs over and over unless they get some kind of joy out of it. i've been watching you for 20 years, champ. your joy comes from being needed. that's who you are. the janitor: he wants to know what's going on. tell him we're prepping his son for surgery. we got the mother's consent. and tell him-- if you know the sign, that is-- booyah. booyah! nazi salute. oh. my bad. keith? [sighs] what, elliot? how can i say this? um... look, i once had a dog named precious. he was a great dane, and i loved him so much. i mean, even after he disemboweled old lady morgan's cat.

seriously, he, like, slit her right down the middle and threw her up in the air, and the guts just flew out of her like shiny, red fireworks. precious was such a sweet dog, and then, one day, out of the blue, he bit me. and i knew that my dad would have him put down, so i said that i was bitten by mrs. morgan's bulldog, which, ironically enough, she had gotten to replace the murdered cat. anyway, they came and took the bulldog away, and i never said a word. to this day, i wish that i'd spoken up before it was too late. do you know what i'm saying? not even a little. [guitar music playing] i love you, keith. i really do. gotta go. bye. [guitar music slows and stops] [guitar music starts] elliot, come here. [sighs]

and there he goes, off to surgery. fists in. blow it up! [imitates explosion] you know what's weird? he doesn't seem like a bad dad. he really loves that kid. it must hard with the divorce, barely gets to see his son. it would kill me. maybe being deaf was the biggest connection he and his son had. you know, when i was a kid, i made my d teach me sign language so i could communicate with my deaf sister. i ended up closer with her than with anyone. maybe mr. francis is afraid of losing that. is any of that true? mostly. my dad died before i was born. wait a minute. i met your dad. you met a man. guys, we should really go in there and talk to him. j.d.: and like that, carla knew that nurse roberts was still in all of our heads. because even if dr. cox never took that 20 minutes for himself

like the minister said, he still realized who he was as one of god's children. dr. cox, we're having trouble placing a central line-- you know what? we'll handle it. it's ok. you can go. i won't tell anyone. j.d.: elliot had finally opened her heart, even though it made her feel more vulnerable than ever. hey, susan, have you seen keith? we were supposed to meet here to ride home together, but i can't seem to find him. hey, babe. you ready to go? yeah. [sighs] j.d.: as for us, even though it took a while, we finally put ourselves in someone else's shoes. will you please tell him that we know this must be hard for him? this must be hard for you. he knows. he'll be fine. he just wants what's best for his son.

thank you for interpreting. yeah, no problem. that was for me. very impressive. stop talking, idiot. [laughs]

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