at idea. what? what if mike and susie stayed with us for the whole thanksgiving weekend? what? yeah! they could stay up in my office on the sofa bed. what do you think? right in front of them. right in front of them, she asks me. "can they stay with us through the whole thanksgiving weekend? we've got that spare room with the sofa bed." that's rough. what am i supposed to say? "yeah, sure. that's ok. i'd rather put a cigar out on my ass, but this is good, too." all right, where the hell is spencer, already? the movie's startin' right now. i gotta spend 4 days with this guy, and with no buffer, either, 'cause i know carrie's gonna peel off with her friend and then just leave me there, alone with him. i'm gonna die. that's it. i'm gonna die. his unpleasantness will actually stop my heart. where the hell you been? i know. i know. i had this whole thing with my mom.

the super was fixing the radiator and she didn't want me to leave her alone with him. why not? she kept saying he was making bedroom eyes. "mom, he's 80. he has glaucoma." ah, it was so stupid! if it was so stupid, spence, why don't you just walk out? hey, i wanted to, that's why we had the fight. but what could i do? it's my mother. we been hearin' the same crap for the last 10 years. "i need to drive my mommy to the store. "i have to cut her meat up for her. i have to draw her eyebrows on her." shut up! all right! take it easy, both of ya. i'm not gonna take it easy, moose. i missed a movie because nobody told this wuss that he's 32 years old, not 8! you know what? forget about it. that's it. i'm goin' back to the firehouse. and you know what, spence? i hope the supe is ringin' your mother's bell right now! and not her doorbell! i meant, like, he's ringin'-- i know what you meant! don't worry about him, all right? he's just in a bad mood.

by the way, we're not on a date. sit over there. do you think i'm a wuss? well, define "wuss." someone who keeps inventing excuses to live at home 'cause he's just too scared to grow up already. define it again. oh, that's it! i'm a wuss! i'm just a big, stupid, doughy wussbag. you don't have to be, you know. just move out already. you know what? i might just do that. right after thanksgiving. well, why wait until after thanksgiving, ya know? i don't know. give me some time to ease into the idea. ease into the idea? i'm sorry. what exactly does that mean? i don't speak wuss. come on. it's obvious, man. you don't wanna move out! i do so!

no. you know what someone who wants to move out says? they say, "i wanna move out right now. tonight! "that's right. yeah. "i'm gonna find a friend who's got, like, a spare room "with a sofa bed, and i'm gonna stay there "through the thanksgiving weekend if necessary, but i'm takin' my life back tonight!" ah, what's the use. doug? yeah? ahh... good... aah! aah! no! naked? naked. how--how naked? any nakeder, and i'd have seen organs.

the inside ones. which i would have preferred. i'm sorry. by the time we got back here with all his stuff, you were already asleep. well, what happened? why is he even here? he got into a huge fight with his mother, decided he wanted to move out tonight. so i--i told him. i said, "look, man, you can stay with us until you find a place of your own." well, how long do you think that's gonna be? i don't know. how long does it take to find an apartment, ya know? a week? 2 weeks? doug?! 2 weeks? the gladdens are coming! huh? mike and susie? they're supposed to stay in that room for 4 days? didn't you even think of that? excuse me. no, i didn't think of that, ok? my best friend's in the middle of a huge personal crisis. what am i supposed to say to him, "gee, could you be out by thursday 'cause we're havin' company over." you are unbelievable! ok. no! no! no! no. i'm sorry i snapped. but this is a man's life we're talkin' about.

ok? eck! 32 years old, and he picks this week to grow up. bad timing, i know. so... should we call the gladdens and cancel? no. no need to do that. just help spence get an apartment by thursday. then they can still come, right? i'll do everything in my power to make that happen. all right, sue, so i'll call you as soon as i know that room is free. i'll talk to you soon. bye-bye. ok, with any luck, this will still work out. good morning, my esteemed host and hostess. morning, spence. hey, buddy, grab yourself some eggs. ooh! don't mind if i do. by the way, carrie, i'm sorry about our little encounter last night. in my old life, i was discouraged from, uh... locking the bathroom door. ok, well... new life.

hey... here! here! man, i am exhilarated. i really did it! i moved out! i did it! you realize you're not done doing it, right? yeah. i was gonna get the paper and start lookin' at places today. your damn right you're gonna start today 'cause i'm gonna be on you like a cheap suit, ok? i could be your best friend, or i could be your worst enemy. the choice is yours. all i know is you're gettin' an apartment. we are not running a charity around here, ok? the whole world doesn't revolve around-- ok, doug, relax! he said he was going to start looking today. yeah. he says a lot of things. you and me, we go today after work, you got it? sure. happy for the help. ok, then. good morning. good morning, daddy. what's this? spence moved out of his mom's house last night, so he's gonna stay with us until he gets a place of his own.

uh-huh. i see. i must have missed the family meeting where all this was decided. there was no family meeting, arthur. uh-huh. well, god bless fascism. so, where is the little fella staying? on the sofa bed in my office. your office? oh, yes. the warm, insulated room upstairs. i'm familiar with it. now, if you'll excuse me, i'll return to my dungeon. dad, would you stop it? sit down and have breakfast. i've lost my appetite. besides, he's sitting in my chair. there's another one! not with my initials carved in it! hey, doug, i'm home. hey, buddy, how ya feeling? ah, fantastic! all day at work, i just had this energy, this mojo. this pretty girl, as i was selling her a token, smiled at me. she knew.

there is no question about it. you look radiant. all right, look what i got. i got the daily news. i got the post. i got the penny saver. i even circled some possibilities during my lunch hour. wow! you are a mad man. oh, man, i am fearless. i'm psyched! good! well, let's find you a place quick before you come to your senses and realize how scared you should be, huh? what do you mean? nothin'. ok... ooh, here's one. look at that. that looks good. "corona heights, 2 bedroom, one bath." that sounds interesting. yeah, and it says, "immediate occupancy." should we go check it out? sure. all right. uh-uh. uh-uh. what? what? mmm...first floor. i don't feel safe with you on the first floor. why not? why not? a burglar walks by, "hey, look at that open window, slow, fat kid." eee! eee! eee! ok, look... ok! i didn't think about that. but what about this one? oh, man, i deliver to that building. oh. you like rats? not so much.

mmm... oh, but this one is perfect. yeah. that is perfect. and when exactly did you win the lottery? 'cause i don't remember hearing about it. come on! this is ridiculous. one of these has to be ok. you know what? if you know it all, then you go out and look for yourself. take the first place you see. have a great time. wait! don't go. i want your help. ok, then listen to me, all right? finding an apartment is the most important decision you'll ever make. if you pick the wrong place, there's no undoing it. couldn't i just move? can i finish my thought, please? sorry. ok, now, if we're gonna do this together, help me help you. ok, what's the first step? so, huh, feelin' better? not really. i kinda wanted to go look at apartments. but you kinda wanna play some defense 'cause... boom! i just scored on your white ass! hello, douglas. hey. hi, arthur.

oh... good evening. i heard laughter and some rather ribald comments coming from here, so i thought i would investigate. just playin' some foosball. funny. i was under the impression that foosball was our game. arthur, we played half a game last march, and you scored 3 goals on yourself. and those memories mean nothing to you? look, we're in the middle of a very important tournament here, all right? you and i can play another time. fine. go ahead and play with your fancy new friend! see if i care! ok, bye-bye. doug, enough of this. i wanna go look at some places. good god! you want some cheese with that whine? it's after 6:00. you can do what you want. i'm gonna look at some of these listings before the whole day is shot! we're in the middle of a game here! doug, what is going on? it's like you don't want me to get my own apartment! i do! then let me go look! no! no! stop! stop! stop! come on. come on, please. all right, look, you're right. i want you to stay. i need you around here for a while.

why? well, the truth is... it's me and carrie. the marriage is in trouble. oh, god. really? yeah. it's-- it's a mess. well, you-- you do a good job of hiding it. yeah. well, sometimes you gotta put on a show. it must be really difficult now. i mean, especially during the holidays. yeah. yeah, it is. but at least with you here, she'll, uh... she'll watch her drinking. oh! aw, jeez! jeez, man-- tsk! come here, buddy. come here. aw, that's good medicine. hey, let's go play some foosball. sure. you gotta promise me. you can't tell carrie anything about this, all right? oh... all right? as far as she's concerned, we're still apartment-hunting. hey, you were there for me. i'm here for you.

ok. there they are. and they won't let me play! doug, what is goin' on here? i thought you guys were out lookin' for apartments? we were workin' on it. we're takin' a break here. could i talk to you outside for a second? sure. what is goin' on here? i know. it's brutal, isn't it? he's fightin' me every step of the way. what do you mean, he's fighting you? you open up a newspaper, you point to the rentals, you say, "here, you, live. go!" yeah. i know. i know. look through the window. are there not, like, several papers on that table right there? ok, so what's the problem? the problem is-- i'll tell ya-- he's completely petrified of the idea of living on his own. he's like a child, you know? twice today, he called me "mommy." once..."nanna." oh, my god. what should we do? you want me to go talk to him? no. no, no, no.

look, he'll get real embarrassed if he knew i told you. i'll tell you what. let me work on it, and i'll see if i can nudge him along. ok, well, do you think you can nudge him out by thursday? i think i can give it one hell of a try. thank you. oh! and let my father play foosball with you! sorry, arthur. no go. spence is afraid to get a place, sorry, arthur. no and spencer thinks that you and carrie are on the outs? yeah, and i told them both not to talk to each other about it. so, how's that sound? you think it'll all hold up? sure. hell, moose, you're great at this. you know, you could fool around on her if you wanted to. whoa, whoa, whoa, man! i love my wife. but thank you. you're welcome. yep. all right. it looks like it's gonna be a mike-free thanksgiving. it's just that--

what? for some reason, i just keep thinkin' that i overlooked something. hi. still here, i see. oh, yeah. are you done in the bathroom? oh, i'm done. oh, darling? yeah? there's a leaky faucet up there. you may wanna look at it. ok. oh, man! aah! oh! spence! [door slams] i think my point is made. he doesn't belong here. oh! i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. spence, you have to stop letting me see you naked! it's very, very disturbing! i know. i'm sorry. god, what is the big deal anyway?

about what? look, i know you're scared, but you just gotta suck it up and get your own place and stop calling my husband, "mommy"! oh, god! you're drunk. what are you talking about? what are you talking about? mike is very, very annoying. so all this time, just to keep mike and susie from coming, you've been stopping spence from getting an apartment? i can't say i've been makin' it easy for him. did he even want to move out of his mom's in the first place? i like to think so. you are psychotic! i can't believe you did all this just to avoid spending one weekend with a boring guy. look, i admit it, ok? i was a little out of my mind. i was like one of those mothers who lifts up a car to save her baby. the adrenaline was pumpin'!

i'm sorry. yeah. sorry. ok. thanks. i mean, susie is one of my best friends. i never get to see her anymore. this was a perfect opportunity for us to spend a little time together. look, look... i caused this problem, all right? so i'm gonna fix it. how? how? it's already tuesday night. how are you gonna find spence an apartment in one day? well, hey, i don't know if i can for sure, but i'll tell ya this: we will apartment-hunt all day long, ok? sunup to sundown, we will pound that pavement. that is my pledge to you! [screech] do you realize how much raw sewage is seeping into that groundwater every day?

no. 8,900... cubic...meters. hmm...well... i knew it was in the 80s, but wow! god, this has been so much fun! you guys have to come up to our place for easter. you know what? doug and i both have that week off. we're there. right, doug?

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fructis hydra recharge >> oh. oh. [ sighs ] good morning, everybody. >> good morning, cora. >> now, cora, you been working out? >> yes, sir. >> how many miles you run today? >> two. >> girl, you know you ain't ran no two miles. you walked two miles. >> i'm working on it. ooh, brianna, is that makeup you're wearing? >> yes. [ chuckles ] >> you need to take it off. >> i hardly have any on. >> told you you looked like a clown. >> i'm scared of them clowns. i come down the hall this morning, and there was one wearing a red wig, with a white face and big red lips. wait a minute. that was miss daisy. >> cora, she's just wearing a little lip gloss and liner. i mean... >> she's too young to be wearing makeup. >> no, she's not. >> no, i'm not. >> look, no offense, cora, but that's not your decision. >> [ scoffs ] well, you are new at this

parenting thing. letting her wear makeup now, before you know it, she'll be in the fast lane. >> i agree with sasha. a little age-appropriate makeup ain't gonna hurt nothing. >> thank you, mr. brown. >> you're welcome. >> [ scoffs ] well, i think the appropriate age is 18, when she can vote and wear makeup on the same day. >> i agree with cora. i think 18. >> um, heller? guys, don't i have any say in this? i mean, it is my face. >> no. >> no. >> ooh, girl, you got dissed in surround sound. kids are made to be seen and not heard. >> and seen without makeup. >> do i really have to take off my makeup? >> no. >> yes. >> no, you don't, brianna, and i'm done talking about this. >> ooh, sasha, you got -- you got attitude. you don't mess with her until she done drunk her morning coffee.

yes, and she got to have her coffee, or she will have a nasty attitude for the rest of the day. >> all right, kids, it's time for school. >> oh, don't forget, my class is having a bake sale. >> i got you covered. lemon pound cake. >> i love miss cora's lemon pound cake. >> but i'm making your lemon pound cake. >> aw, man. >> what's wrong with my pound cake? >> well, if you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all. >> sasha, did anybody ever tell you you're supposed to put sugar in pound cake? girl, i done had cornbread sweeter than your pound cake. >> mr. brown, the directions don't call for sugar. >> you don't use no directions for no pound cake. you use a recipp. >> you mean a recipe? >> you can't tell me nothing, 'cause you can't cook. you think washing your face is healthy. but if your skin feels tight and dry it could be a sign of damage. [ female announcer ] get a healthier clean

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>> what are you doing? >> oh, just trying to brighten this place. mr. brown's style is just a little old-fashioned. [ chuckles ] >> i decorated this place. >> oh. well, cora, just think of it as a face-lift, okay? do you like it? >> hmm! it's a little bright. >> [ gasps ] i know! cora, i got these pillows for next to nothing! ho ho! >> that's what i would have paid for them. >> you don't like it? >> i didn't say i didn't like it. i just wish you would have asked me first. >> cora, i was just trying to make the place look better. i mean... [ scoffs ] >> well, who said something was wrong with it, and who said it looks better? look, sasha, you worry about the kids, i worry about the house. understood? [ door opens ] got it? >> hey, sasha, cora. [ door closes ] >> hey, mr. brown. >> and i'll just -- err! push reverse. rrrr! [ imitating tape rewinding ]

okay, who turned my living room into a kool-aid-o-scope? >> she did. >> mr. brown, how about these new pillows, huh? ha ha! >> you didn't use one of my old shirts to make this, did you? >> no, of course not. look, how do you like the new throw? ♪ ha ha ha >> it should be thrown out. mr. brown, it's covering up the couch that your daddy gave you. >> yeah? you know, my daddy liked dull stuff. that's why he married my mama. boy, i tell you, that woman could put a book to sleep. >> you don't mind that i made a few changes, now, do you? >> well... >> well, i don't think it was necessary. >> i was talking to mr. brown. >> i done stepped into something, and it ain't my shoes. >> mr. brown, don't you think sasha should -- >> don't you think i should be allowed to just -- >> unh-unh! my daddy told me about this. he say, "never come between two women unless you're laying on your back." i don't know what he meant by that, but it seemed like it work right now. my name is bennett, and i ain't

in it. my name is paul, and -- bah-dih-bah-dih -- that's all. my name is ray, and that's all i got to say. my name is raphael -- i don't know what rhyme with "raphael," but that's -- that's -- you got -- you know what i mean. >> whoo! >> excuse me. london, what are you doing? >> working on my core. >> i thought your core [car] was parked out front. >> i'm doing pilates. >> oh, no, i don't buy them foreign cars. i'm just buying u.s.-made. i -- i buy u.s. cars. >> well, you should really try this. it helps with your abs. >> i'll have you to know my abs are good and strong. look, i'll tell you what. feel like a backwards turtle shell. here. hit it. it's strong, i'm telling -- i -- aah! london, you got to wait! i'm supposed to say "1, 2, 3"! you can't just punch me! >> it was all squishy. i want to do it again. >> girl, you better get back.

we ain't gonna do no foreign exercise. let's do some u.s. stuff. you done bruised my uterus, girl. on -- on 2. ready, go. 1...2...6...8. >> no, thank you. >> 7...8...9 -- 9...10...11... 12...13...1,400. yeah, see, i -- i'm -- i'm -- yeah, oh, come on. whew. what you two doing home so early? >> a water main broke in our school, so they sent us all home. >> your water broke at school?! >> i'm not pregnant. >> mr. brown, our teachers said to ask our families about a safety plan. do we have a safety plan? >> yes, we have a safety plan. stay out of mr. brown's stuff -- his wallet. anything that has to do with mr. brown, stay out of it, and you'll be safe. >> no, seriously. a safety plan for the house. >> yes, we have a safety plan. it's called code brown. anytime you hear "code brown," just get ready, 'cause

something's up. and i was watching the news the other day. they say you should always keep you a safety kit. i keep the main one in the garage and the other one in the house. i'm -- i'm gonna get the safety kit for you. now, there's a few things you should always have in your safety kit. >> [ gasps ] like an alibi and a good lawyer's phone number. >> yes, and you should probably have your psycho-chiatrist on speed dial, too. >> good idea. >> [ sighs ] yes, it is. uh, you should have bandages in case you want to bandages something. you should also have alcohol -- >> yum. [ chuckles ] >> not for that purpose, london. not to drink. seen you coming. >> what if there's a fire? >> oh, i'm an expert on fire. yeah, come here, let me show you. now, the main thing you have to do when there's a fire is you got to assess the situation. >> okay. >> everybody say "assess the situation." >> assess the situation. >> assessing the situation. >> yes. okay, first thing you need to do is smell and see if there's fire. smell. everybody smell.