hin first, yeah. - is that where the nanobots like to come in? - take it all the way up to your lip, yeah. - okay, is that how they like to get in? - yeah, that's crazy. - i don't know. i just don't know. - yo, bad boys of a cappella. all: hey. - heard any good stories lately? or new twists on old stories? - yeah, i got a call from broccoli rob. i guess you really are the boner champ. - did he tell you how i got the name? - no. - spring sing '95, got completely ripped on bud dries. i had sex with a snowman. i just went at that thing. cold would've stopped most people, but i stayed locked in, you know. took the face off. just seemed easier that way. - and i told phyllis not to put it out, but she insisted, so anyway... hi. oh, oscar. - oh. - remember my husband, the senator?

- senator lipton, nice to see you. - nice to see you, oscar. - wait a second, who designed this spread? the sweets and savories are all mixed together. this is mayhem. - so, oscar, you're a dinosaur? - actually, i'm the electoral college. - ouch! right on target. - [laughs] - you know what? this is outrageous. i have to find phyllis. you two talk, okay? sorry, babe. phyllis! - god, it's just so good to see you. - i--uh-huh,just... [chuckles nervously] - all having this wonderful halloween gathering. excuse me, is that punch? - they didn't know about the snowman story, and when i told 'em, they were not impressed. - hey! you better do faith, you get me? - we don't know it. - so learn it. you all go to cornell, you're like eight rain men. just learn the frickin' song. - look, i know it was big with the old guys, but-- - buts... are for pooping. make it work. you have to or andy will flip out... and make it a surprise please.

this isn't stupid. - what? - hey. - hey. - hey, toby. - are--are you me? - yeah. [laughs] oh, my goodness, look at-- [both laughing] look at this. - yeah. - [indistinct mumbling] - i thought i'd, you know, be you. - look at--look at me. - oh, look at you! [laughs] it's funny, right? mm. just stay focused on the pill. - okay, look, dwight, let's just call this thing off. i mean, it's just an anxiety pill.

lots of people have anxiety. - you think i don't have anxiety? i have anxiety all the time. every waking moment of my life is sheer torture. i have land disputes to settle and idiot cousins to protect, and i don't need some stupid pill to get me through all this. - cool, free upper. - ah, ha, ha! the jig is up, psychopath! - what? hey, what-- - yeah! yeah, gotcha! - don't dog-catch me! - gotcha! yeah! - oh! - let's see you get out of this web, huh? - the pill is mine. - wh-- - get her out. - oh. - stop baggin' my head! [door slams] - [sighs] oh, dwight, look, it's just a pill, all right? it's for anxiety. i take it every day, and it makes me feel better. and mae it could help you too. [indistinct chatter] - oh, hey! how'd it go? - hey. , man, it was great. they were great. - did you end up investing? - i did, yeah. - how much? - uh, man, by the end, i guess it was...about ten. - "about" ten?

- ten. it was the full $10,000. - wow. - yeah. - wow. - yeah. yeah. it's a good thing we talked about it, though, 'cause we had to-- - yeah, yeah, no. - yeah. so did everybody-- - what is it? hold on. - did everybody end up investing $10,000? - um, oh, man, i don't actually know. - what? - they weren't really talking that much about money. they just said, "we're good with investing," and--and i-- - ladies and gentlemen, here comes treble. [a cappella group vocalizing] - they said they were done with the investing, and then you volunteered $10,000? - ♪ ooh, ooh - no, no, i had to. look, i needed to look like a team player, pam. - so you invested $10,000 to look like a team player? - you weren't there. all: ♪ and i'll be... - it was very clear that $10,000 was what we had-- we'll talk about it later. - no, i want to talk about it w. - pam. - jim, that was most of our savings. - ♪ and i'll be better when i'm older ♪ ♪ i'll be the greatest fan of your life ♪

- wait. wait, hold on. where's the band? 'cause there's no way you guys are making this magic with just your mouths. - that's what she said. - what, am i overdoing it? no. no. - ♪ that color them wonderful stop me ♪ - we said "some." - we'll talk about it. - we said "some." - we'll talk about it later. - ♪ steal my breath - we said "part," not "all." - ♪ and i'll be ♪ your crying shoulder

llo, everyone. i'm kyra phillipsrom hln's "raising america."

as a parent, you want to make sure that your chilknows how to deal with bullying when they see that it's happening. chances are, they want to help. they just don't know how. so teach them that the best thing to do is calmly walk away, find a teacher or another adult, a speak up. join hln and cartoon netwrk to help stop bullying. go to stopbullyingspkup.com to find out more. go to stopbullyingspkup.com - ♪ get your r wash today, bah dah bah ♪ ♪ fill and u n't have to pay ♪ -♪ bah dah bah - ♪ come angives play ♪ all: ♪ get a wash righay♪ ♪awash, yeah - yes! ohman. - th'sow you do that! - oo! - thk yo

- sso pri.his cra - nool, bypeciequest, wee gog to take a ttle old sool. there is aormer trebr in this room - who? it'sr.ndy rnard! [hummi oning hp] hummg geoe mhaes fai] - no,o not ng that. do not--oh, n. he remindeus today ofowuch ea to us anwe certainly seemo mean a lot to m, so without any fuher ado, ers an o tree clsic. ♪h,h ♪ dank, dank,ank, dank, nk ♪ ♪ g-a,k, dank, dank both♪-well, i gus woulde nice♪ ♪ if coul touch ur by ♪ knot ybody has got a body like you ♪ ♪ i gta thintwe - whoa! whoa! i heart away ♪ what the hell is broccoli rob dngere? - e sd you wanted tor faith. that's bccoli rob's signature song. - ♪ butd so time off frem♪ - ths my signature song.

- ieay dn't ow that, - russell, ireeorge michael. - i thought you were adam lambert. - wha-- - the more i hear about all this a cappella dra, the more i think it's ktic, but when you're with someone you put up with the stuff that m you lose respect for them, and that is love. are you okay? - he's still mad. - okay. - shut up, broccoli. - chai feel awful about this wholthing. russell called me up, and they said they needed 20 ccs of george michael, stat, so just...wham! i sprang into action. you know me. i assumed you wanted to hear me do your signature number. - you thought i wanted to sit in the audience like some slutty treb rat? a man's signature solo is his for life. okay? that's group policy and you know it. - look, it's not my fault i still live near campus, and it's my duty as an alum to be friendly to the young guys, and stop in two, three times a week.

- just don't do the song anymore. - i'll tell you what: we'll have a sing-off for it. you pick 12 alums from any year to back you up and i'll do the same, and i'm so confident that i'll win, i won't even warm up. - fine, go ahead, thrash your pipes. - my pipes are primo, champ! why don't you ask trey anastasio abo mpi - i knewou would go the, you son of a bitc - he said, and i quo, "h, rob, nice pipes." hat happened! - oka fine, yeah, that's one guy'opinion. - that's real! that'll never change! - okay! oka doesn't mea you're e best singer ! dick. - i thought that concert was pretty great. - oh, yeah. i decided "acapelca" music is awesome. - ey lost me when they sang monster mash. that sg viousl glorifies the occult. - angela, it's halloween. you have to sing monster mash. - oh, you have to, jim? you literally have to? - uh... - no, i'm just-- i'm saying, what would happen if they didn't sing it? would they go to jail? would they be shot?

- okay. we'll just forget it. - no, no, i'm interested. - mm-hmm. - i mean, i think everybody's interested in why they have to sing it. - 'cause it is halloween. - mm-hmm. - so if you're gonna sing a concert, it's a good idea to throw that one in. - yeah, yeah, no, no, it's a good idea to brush your teeth, but you have to, um, feed your children, send them to school. you know, all things you can't do if you just keep singing monster mash. - it turns out pam really, really hates monster mash. i mean, like, never bring that song up in front of her. even though jim was making great points, like, in favor of the song, pam was like, "no. hate it. stupid." - this is all so silly, right? - [grunts] - what am i gonna do, move back to cornell? - [laughs] yeah. - i mean, what if we did that? like, we got jobs and we were happy all the time?

- oh, well, andy, we're not moving to cornell. - [chuckles] duh, i know. that would be insane. - yeah. - it could totally work, though. i don't know why we wouldn't. oh, my god, are we doing this? - oy. andy, what is going on? - if i am not boner champ... i don't know who i am. - well, maybe you're the wise, old guy that the new, um, b-o-n-e-r champ looks up to. you know, you could just-- - make a donation. - well, i was gonna say be a mentor. - yes. i'm gonna make a donation. and it just so happens i know someone who works at the bernard family foundation. her name is "mom." - oh. - [whispering] i want some of those pills. - oh. well, good for you. i mean, you'll need a prescription. - oh, no. no, no, no, they're not for me. they're for my cousin mose. he's just having a tough time, being wifeless

and a high-pressure job and his crazy cousin mose. other cousin mose. - mm. well, you tell mose that he's a good man and i hope he feels better. - which one? mose or the real mose? - the real mose. - he says thank you. that soda breaks down tooth enamel. thankfully, she uses act restoring mouthwash. it rebuilds tooth enamel, making your teeth two times stronger. act. smile strong.

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love 'em. neat! now you on the other hand... you need some help. why? look atchya. what is that? you mean my honey wand? [ shouting ] [ splat ] come on. matter of fact. [ rustling ] shirt. shoes. shades. ah! wow! now that voice... my voice? [ auto-tuned ] what's wrong with my voice? yeah man, bee got swag! be happy! be healthy! that's gotta go too. ♪ hey! must be the honey! [ sparkle ] sweet. ♪ hey! must be the honey! - mom, i had this really charitable idea to set up a scholarship for a cappella kids at cornell,

and just need to wire some money over there. what? [a cappella group singing cornell alma mater] - ♪ far above the busy humming ♪ ♪ of the bustling town ♪ reared against the arch of heaven looks she proudly down ♪ - what's wrong? - my parents are broke. - ♪ lift the chorus, speed it onward ♪ ♪ loud her praises tell ♪ hail to thee, our alma mater ♪ ♪ hail, all hail, cornell

[phone rings] dunder mifflin. this is pam. i'm sorry. he's not in yet. would you like his voicemail? [michael yelling] yeah! yeah, okay! 12 miles an hour. eat that, carl lewis! angela made several 9-1-1 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building, so the police put up a radar gun. it's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard. [dwight yelling] aah!

wow, 13! no, no. no, there was wind. i was just jogging. dwight, there was wind. i want a do-over. no, no, no. it's not your turn. all right, 13 is the new number. oscar, go ahead. i want another try. here we go! 31! 31! there was a car. i was ahead of the car. 31 is my new number. 31 is humanly impossible. go, oscar. 31's my number. that's impossible. beat it! [cheerfulusic] ♪ ♪

♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's wonderful now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's so groovy now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's wonderful now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. everybody knows that. well, did you know that when a tree falls in the forest and no one's around, it does make a sound? ohhh...ohhh...oh boy! i'm falling. everybody look out! ahhhhh...ugh. little help here. geico. fifteen minutes could save you...well, you know. anybody? (michael) today's a big day. my presence has been requested by [authoritative voice] chief financial officer david wallace.

he says that he wants to talk about big picture stuff. and i'll be honest, i have little or no idea what that means, so... probably bad. quick announcement. new year, new candy. whoo-hoo! okay, be careful, kevin. they're kind of spicy. hot tamales. yeah. uh-oh. so maybe just try one at first, and then if it's okay, have a couple more. excuse me, everyone. can i have the floor please? um... this is insanely awkward. it's kind of the elephant in the room, so i'll just... no one has rsvp'd to our wedding yet, and the deadline was yesterday. wait, you still don't know-- (jim) no, no. nope. hmm? nothing. you still don't-- why don't-- let's-- what are you doing? how about we just-- i just have to talk to you for a second. andy, has anyone-- ahh! no, no one has rsvp'd, and i don't understand it. and now you're shutting me out.

and you're not even listening. and that's really considerate. thank you. no, what i'm saying is-- no, no. no, that's not it. i know. andy still doesn't know that angela's having an affair with dwight. and it's been 17 days. i mean, eventually he'll figure it out... when their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. but right now it's just...awkward. [michael sighs] how can he still not know? we can't figure that out. i can't take it anymore. wait, what? you can't take what? i am telling andy. no. you can't do that. it shouldn't come from you. who should it come from then? angela. angela. from angela. angela. are you still having intercourse with her? what is wrong with you? she is engaged. did you ever have intercourse in this office? are you serious? ugh. where? where? [voice breaking] where, dwight? seems like you already know where.

kevin, you screwed this form up again. the amount owed goes at the top. oh, i'm sorry. i didn't realize i was doing something wrong. if i had, i would've admitted it and stopped right away. that's enough. because i wouldn't want an innocent person who doesn't know anything about the form-- what? that was good. it's just at the end, you weren't saying something that could also apply to the form. how about "i'm sorry i did such a whorish job filling out this form." (oscar) there you go. that cannot be true! you're going to charge me a fee to cut my own cake? uh, no. no, no, no. what i'm saying is i want to cut it myself. trade seats with me. no.

i've got a better angle on pam. i can see everything. please stop. i need a soup spoon. (dwight) rule 17. don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season. there are 40 rules all schrute boys must learn before the age of five. ♪ learn your rules ♪ you better learn your rules ♪ if you don't ♪ you'll be eaten in your sleep ♪ [makes chomping sound] [clears throat] [door opens] (angela) what is it? you've got to tell andy about us. that is a terrible idea. one of your worst. get it over with. then we don't have to hide anymore. you're expanding on your worst idea. do you love me or not? i've already admitted that i do. why do you keep making me repeat it? because you're engaged to andy.

[door opens] well? not yet. when? when what? [coughs] when what? you know this can't go on. what can't go on? we have to put an end to this. seems like-- (michael) come on. you guys should... be hearing what i'm saying. this is really not how this is supposed to happen. angela said she was gonna tell him. she's just not ready. when will she be ready? i don't know. is she crazy in bed? yes. stop. how so, specifically? what? okay, listen. this shouldn't happen at work. eager and flexible. and... really? this shouldn't be coming from his boss. and we should also consider the fact that that man has an anger issue. too late. well, it's not too late 'cause you haven't done anything. i am already walking. michael, once this gets out, i don't know how it's gonna go down.

okay, what does that mean? might get ugly. [sighs] jim, this has to get out so we can all deal with it. but you're leaving. (dwight) have a good trip. (michael) thanks. andy. yeah? walk with me. will do, boss man. oh, i do not have much time-- car's all the way over there-- to tell you what i have to tell you. and just bear in mind that when i say-- say these things... that are bad things that you hear... in your ears, this is something that i... if i were you, that i wouldn't want to hear. you're not making any sense. well...

no, i'm not. so i--i'm not very articulate today, so i'll just leave it for another time. another day. all righty. which'll be fine. i'm off. have a good meeting. thank you. kick wallace's ass. okay, i will. dwight and angela are having an affair, so. i can't hear you through the glass. dwight and angela are having an affair. they've been sleeping together for some time. that was the news. i wanted to let you know. what? all right. see you later. ahh. are you serious? yep. [tires squeal]

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[door opens] [whispering] i need to talk to you. we can talk right here. i need to talk to you in private. we're not listening. let's go to the conference room. is it true? what have you heard? that you're sleeping with dwight. that doesn't sound like me. is it true? andy, i'm engaged to you. i mean we just signed off on our wedding flowers. would i have said yes to formal chrysanthemums if i didn't want to get married? and we went through all that stuff with our wedding cake-- just answer the question. are you sleeping with dwight? a little bit. how long has it been going on? i don't know. i mean, we were together,

and then he killed sprinkles. and then we stopped, and... i don't know exactly when we started up again. who else knows about it? michael. who else? [quietly] let me think about it. um...there... (andy) oh, god. come on! (wallace) so listen, michael. your branch has been doing great lately, and your sales staff is reporting very strong numbers. outperforming last year, in fact. um, and i don't know exactly how to put this, but... what are you doing right? right what? utica, albany-- all the other branches are struggling. but your branch is reporting strong numbers. look, you're not our most traditional guy, but clearly something you are doing... is right. and i just-- i need to get a sense