i'm not goin' there with that father. come on. no, get out of here. he'll use me to beat you to death. come on, look -- hey, maybe he'll chase us with the shovel. come on. fratello mio, e' cosi' buono -- get off me, you nut! hey, hey, hey! you got to wake up, here, little bro! look where you are, man! you're missin' it! ♪ la donna mobile, qual piu ma vento ♪ i-i've never seen him like this -- so happy. i don't like it. hi, daddy! hi, daddy! hi, daddy! hey, what did you do, feed the ducks or somethin'? you want to feed them with us tomorrow? yeah, maybe. i don't know. we'll see. yeah, yeah, daddy's very busy, you guys. he really doesn't have time for fun this trip. he has a lot of moping to do, which is quite time consuming. all right, give me a break, please. why don't you give me a break, huh?! i thought that this could be a time for all of us to be together! all right, listen, i can't do this right now, because i promised my mother we'd take a walk.

t-that's true, dear. have a nice time. i'm so glad we could do this, raymond. you really seem to need it. need what? this -- just the two of us walking and talking. you know, we never get a chance to talk. we don't? no, not like this. we rarely get a chance to just talk -- no interruptions, distractions, deb-- anyway...first of all, i'm feeling a little bit upset about something. that water is kind of nice, huh? it's beautiful. i'm feeling that everyone else seems to think that they have the right to do just exactly what they want on this trip. and they don't? well, they do. of course they do. t they could at least consult with me first... i know, i know -- he's your father. between you and me, i can't take it anymore.

you seem to be havin' a good time. what, this morning? that's finished. i had the nerve to tell him to wear a hat... i begged him 50 times -- "please, please, get someone to fix the garage door." you know what he says? "i could do it myself." and, of course, you know what happens. he doesn't do it. ha! it's been three months! anybody could get into that garage if they wanted. oh, please. what are you stoppin' for? nothin' -- no, i just never seen them like this before, huh? pretty. you see the way they wrap them? you look at these? i've seen flowers. my point is -- i can't talk to him... ooh! there's a butcher shop. i got to run in there and get some meat for the barbecue. you want to come in with me? no, go ahead. all right, i'll be right back. and don't forget what we were talking about. okay.

[ boys speaking italian ] here, you guys. [ sighs ] you want it with the foot? okay, there. oh. what, i'm in it? here, there you go. you want to -- want to play a little game, huh? [ laughs ] i'll pass it. there you go. you guys are good at this. i don't play this. yeah. italian woman: alessandro! luca! ciao. okay. ciao. ciao. hey, ciao. yeah.

hey. pizza. okay, give me one. can i get one? here. thank you. wow. it's okay? yeah, yeah. i had a cold, but it's -- it's gone now. this is awesome. hmm? "awesome" -- you know "awesome"? uh, magnífico. oh, grazie. prego. oh, this is, like, the best pizza i ever had, man! you like more? hell, yes, i want more!

you made this? i make, yes. so you're, like, a genius, then. oh, all done. oh, i've got some chops for later. what -- you're having pizza now? yeah, uh-huh. will you be able to eat your lunch? yeah, sure. you want a bite? no, no, no. oh, good. come on. all right. come on. l-let's go up this way. [ laughs ] i forgot what i was saying. how you can't talk to anyone but me. oh, yes, right. because, i mean, nobody values communicating anymore. to me, that's the most important thing. don't you agree with me? mmm-hmm. absolutely. oh, raymond, this is so nice. did i tell you the other thing your father did? no, go ahead. well, i had forbid him to use my cutting board...

it's an opportunitye to stop and savor, the unmistakable taste that reminds us that life is delicious. tell me you can't wait for christmas. and you appreciate the things i do. because we'll always be a family. tell me i bring out the best in you. ♪ that you're thankful. ♪ that it won't be the same without me. tell me you love me. even if you say it every day. just tell me. [ female announcer ] everyone you love has something they need to hear this holiday. tell them with a hallmark card.

[ female announcer ] everyone you love has something they need to hear this holiday. for mcdonald's new jalapeno kicker sandwiches. brace yourself with heat from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. now through thuray, buy one jalapeno kicker quarter pounder or premium chicken sandwich, and get a free medium fries and soft drink. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪

hello, dear. hey, marie. have you seen raymond? where is he? don't know and don't care. he's been a drip this entire vacation. i've decided i'm not gonna let him ruin it for me. i had a lovely walk with him this morning. it's so nice that you two have each other. ugh! stupid, stinkin' hump! ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha! you like that? i got a million of them. unbelievable. unbelievable. signore fogagnolo. come va? you don't see my daughter no more. oh. [ clears throat ] you know, sir, if i may --

here -- here, look -- let's sit down, huh? please. please. can we -- can we sit down? per favóre, huh? let's sit. grazie. mílle grazie, huh? [ clears throat ] signore fogagno... frank: ah, your mother's ass!

i don't like you. [ bell dings ] ciao, tútti! hi, daddy. hi, daddy. hi, daddy. ciao! hello, everybody! beautiful day, huh? oh! look what i have. signóra, bellisima. for you. you can have those. here, you can have one of those. beautiful. see how they wrap them? and what is this? mom... and aunt coletta! these are for you. [ laughing ] what are you doing? you look good. come here. i want to talk to you. what? come here, come here. listen... um, i know you wanted to talk to me before, and i know what you were gonna say. no, you don't. whatever you were gonna say, you were right. and i'm not just sayin' that so we don't have to talk about it anymore like at home.

it's just -- there's somethin' about this place. do you get that? there's, like, a feeling here. i-i don't know how to describe it, but it's more...simple. the way the whole place shuts down in the middle of the day so the people can just, you know, enjoy the day? it's like they know how to live here, don't you think? don't you think it's kind of beautiful here? yes? okay, so we agree. and the history -- i was thinkin' -- thousands of years here. we got no history at home. everything was built last week. where have you been? oh, i had a bike ride. no, i -- not today. i mean this whole trip. okay, so, what do you want me to say? your hair does look nice, though. so, now you're being romantic? look, i don't know what i'm bein', but we got a couple of days left. you want to enjoy it, or you want to mope around?

okay, i think that's everything.

raymond: [ laughing ] oh, god. look at this. [ laughing ] what are you rebellin' against? what have you got? yeah, you see? they rode one. that was fun. yeah, i got to get one of these. all right, fun's over, here. time to go home. thanks for everything, there, giorgio. colletta... bène, bne. bène. ah. bella. bye-bye. listen, anytime you want to come to america and give me a shower,

it's fine with me. giorgio, i'll see you, okay? no, nothin', it's ah, it's just -- debra: hey, where's robert? oh, robérto. oh, boy, stefania. must you be leaving so soon? yes. yes, i must.

i will miss you. me too. maybe u can come a visit me in america sometime. bring your father along for laughs. here, for you. you don't have to pay me. you throw a coin in the water. it means some day you return to làgo di bracciano. you would like that? would i like that? aspetta, aspetta. cosí. sí, cosí. bràvo. [ laughing ] my credit cards...

and traveler's checks. [ laughing ] roberto. [ sighs ] okay. all right, everybody, i'm sorry. mi dispiace. aunt colletta, mílle grazie, huh? ciao, ciao. thank you. hey, did you say goodbye to gelato lollobrigida? all right, dad. grazie! colletta: sí, sí. [ sighs ] che launa mezzo mare mama mia me maritari ♪ all: ♪ figghia mia, a cu te dari mamma mia pensaci tu ♪

♪ o mamma, piscia fritta baccala ♪ ♪ o mamma, piscia fritta baccala ♪ ♪ che la luna mezzo mare mamma mia me maritari ♪ enough plastic water bottles to stretch around the earth over 190 times. each brita filter can take up to 300 of those bottles out of the equation. for aveeno® positively radiant face moisturizer. [ female announcer ] aveeno® with soy helps reduce the look of brown spots in 4 weeks. for healthy radiant skin. aveeno®. naturally beautiful results. aveeno®. your relaxing side is calling... your let's do it all side has arrived... and an unforgettable disney vacation is all within your reach.

and right now, you can create a 7-day package including a select walt disney world resort hotel room and theme park tickets for as little as $75 per person per day for a family of four so come on. show your disney side, this year at the place where dreams come true. she can't control herself around chocolate. she'll devour you. really? yeah, uh, thanks for introducing us. anything for a friend. ooh, strong grip! ow! ♪

hey! have you ever tried honey nut cheerios? love 'em. neat! now you on the other hand... you need some help. why? look atchya. what is that? you mean my honey wand? [ shouting ] [ splat ] come on. matter of fact. [ rustling ] shirt. shoes. shades. ah! wow! now that voice... my voice? [ auto-tuned ] what's wrong with my voice? yeah man, bee got swag! be happy! be healthy! that's goa go too. ♪ hey! must be the honey! [ sparkle ] sweet.

[ man ] adventure, it means taking chances. it means trying something new. [ woman ] just, that uncertainty of what's to come. [ man ] just kidding. ♪ can you please stop doing that? ♪ [ woman ] you walk outside in brooklyn, and it's cement and broken glass. and this is just like... the opposite of that. ♪ the opposite of that. raymond: ♪ figghia mia, a cu te dari mamamma mia pensaci tu ♪ ♪ o mamma -- ♪

flht attendant: sir, could you please keep it down? some of the other passengers are starting to complain. oh. oh, sorry. ♪ cella luna mezzo mare mamma mia me maritari ♪ ♪ figghia mia, a cu te dari mamma mia pensaci tu ♪ captioning made possible by talk productions closed captioned by captioneering your closed captioning resource

shut the door! hey, ray. and don't step -- don't walk anywhere! you're freaking me out, man. what's going on? i lost the hamster -- ally's hamster. oh, no. he got out? yes, he got out. what the hell? come on. look, debra and the kids are going to be home in an hour. you got to help me look for him. they leave you alone for one weekend, and the only other living thing in the house needs to run away.

for mcdonald's new jalapeno kicker sandwiches. brace yourself with heat from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. now through thursday, buy one jalapeno kicker quarter pounder or premium chicken sandwich, and get a free medium fries and soft drink. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪ you're supposed whatto help me.ing? would you look at these crumbs? the way debra keeps this kitchen, it's a miracle this place isn't infested with hamsters.

he's not in the basement. dad, just so you know -- we want the hamster brought back alive. that's up to him. all right, i checked out the entire top floor, and no sign of pumpernickel. by the way, you shouldn't hide valuables in your top drawer, and you could use some new underwear, raymond. i'll put it on the list, dear. they're going to be back in an hour. i'm going to get a new hamster. you can't do that. why not? they all look alike. she'll never kw. you would lie to your daughter like that? i'm not going to lie. i'm just going to say, "here's your hamster, honey." i'm telling ally. will you just mind your business? you're not going to find one that looks the same. oh, yeah, where am i going to find a brown hamster? i cannot be a party to that lie. you just keep your mouth shut, copper.

don't tell me to shut up. yeah, how about i make you, huh? huh? how about i'm right over here? stop -- stop it! be nice, boys. all right, now we all need a break. let's have a snack, and maybe if pumpernickel hears us enjoying our food, he'll join us. he can have some of yours. he's not getting any of mine. dad... what? i'm trying to move it. could you get up? give me a ride. marie: aah! robert: what is it, ma? what? oh, boy. there he is. where? right there. what? all i see is fudge pops. look at the hairy one on the left.

what? holy crap. what did you do? what did i do? what, you think i put him in there? i don't know how he got in there. he climbed into an airtight freezer by himself? i don't know how this could've happened. i-i cleaned out the hamster cage, and i must not have apped the cage back together tight enough, and then i went grocery shopping. did you have the groceries on the table? he must have climbed into the bag that had the fudge pops. look -- look at his whiskers. they're all fudgey. his last meal.

poor pumpernickel. ally is going to hate me. hey, give me one of those. will you get out of here? wait a minute. he may not be dead. what, are you kidding? you could crack a walnut with thathing. no, i'm serious. he maye cryogenically preserved in a state of suspended animation. he's dead, all right? i have to buy another one now. okay, look, not necessarily, ray. we may be able to resuscitate him. hey, let's toss him in the microwave. all right, all right, that's it. i'm taking over this operation. ma, get me some towels. dad, i need some ice. raymond, a cooler. we're evacuating pumpernickel to the vet. let's go. move, move. robert, the vet is not going to revive a hamster, okay? these are disposable pets. what about your daughter's feelings, ray? are those disposable? all right -- no, it's not all right! i happen to care about a little girl

whose heart is going to break if she finds out that her daddy didn't do everything he could to save the life of her precious hamster. now, damn it, raymond, get me that cooler! hey, ray, you forgot to fill the ice trays. well, then we'll just pack him with fudge pops. what about this box of fish sticks? oh, throw them in, too. when debra comes home, i'll show her how to cook a real fish. debra. frank, get up. huh? come on. this place is a mess. you haven't done a thing. hey, leave me alone. i'm taking a break. what have you been doing?

i not only straightened out the kitchen, i scrubbed the countertops and i-i cleaned out the freezer. and you celebrated with a bottle of hooch? hey, we're home. hi, grandma. hi, grandpa. hey, sweetheart. frank? hi, sweetheart. oh, this isn't mine. this is mommy's. marie, where's ray? oh, raymond had to rush out, but he should be back soon. why does my living room look like a frat house? i, uh, didn't notice any difference really. hi, daddy. oh, hey -- hey, everybody, you're home. hi. hey. hi. how was your visit? oh, boy, i missed you. how's your father? how's his thing? he's got a knee -- what did he have, a knee? oh, he got a new car -- he got a new car. ray... wh-what happened here? oh, nothing. unh-unh. why? what's that? oh -- oh, we, uh, we gave pumpernickel a ride

in robert's police car. yeah, yeah. he liked it, too. rode the whole way with his, uh, head out the window. this isn't pumpernickel. daddy, where's pumpernickel? um... um... pumpernickel sleeps with the fish sticks.

it's an opportunitye to stop and savor, the unmistakable taste that reminds us that life is delicious. tell me you can't wait for christmas. and you appreciate the things i do. because we'll always be a family. tell me i bring out the best in you. ♪ that you're thankful. ♪ that it won't be the same without me. tell me you love me. even if you say it every day. just tell me. [ female announcer ] everyone you love has something they need to hear this holiday. tell them with a hallmark card.