and we all know what flirting can lead to. - i'm sorry. do i still need to be here? - yes. - i'm still having a bit of trouble understanding the importance of loyalty. so let's-- let's use an example. take erin. erin's boyfriend, andy, is away across the ocean. - yeah. - so is it all right for her to flirt with creed, for example? - let's try it out. - no, let's--let's-- let's not say creed. let's say mr. "x." - well, i think it would be immol for erin to cheat on andy. - oh, i'm sorry. didn't you cheat on andy? - yes. and he didn't like it. - does mr. "x" know that erin has a boyfriend? - okay, this is really hard to follow. can we just say pete, because that's the guy that erin's flirting with? - [clears throat] - ladies and gentlemen, the little ladybug ballerinas. [twinkle, twinkle, little star plays] ♪ all: one, two, three.

[cell phone ringing] - really? - oh, i'm sorry. sorry. ballerinas: one, two, three. - [whispering] hello? yes, this is pam halpert. i got the mural? oh, my god! all: shh! - [whispering] um, i'm sorry. i have to go. my daughter's a ladybug. i know that doesn't make any sense. um, thank you, thank you. - you're very rude. - yes, very rude. - shh! kids are dancing. - darryl and i will be here to serve you for years and years and years and years. [chuckles] so should we go call jim and go tell him to go screw himself? - dwight, look, i'm sorry you're having a hard time with this, okay? athlead is my future. no disrespect to dunder mifflin, but if i can have fun at work, i want that. - it can't be more fun than selling paper and paper products. - it can. - are you pretending to be crazy, huh? - pete and i haven't done anything.

- it's true. - yeah, right. with slammin' bods like that, they ain't playing checkers. - people, it's 2013. erin is a strong, independent woman. who says she has to end up with any man? - okay, can everyone please stop speaking for me? andy is my boyfriend. pete and i are just friends. and that's the end of it. right, pete? - hat is correct. come on, guys, where is this even coming from? - your feelings for erin? probably your heart... and a little bit your penis. [all groan] - nellie, you have to shut down youth task force. i'm not sure if you need to start a new task force to do that, but please just do whatever it takes. - i suppose that will-- that will be all right, yeah. most relationships eventually die on their own, but sometimes they just need a little pillow over the face. you're welcome, andy. and you're welcome, my own ass. - listen, i appreciate you taking the time with me.

- peter, please, we completely understand your concerns here. let us just show you the latest projections. jim? - uh, wade actually has those on the road, but he's gonna be calling in with those numbers any second. so just hold on one s-- [cell phone vibrates] oh, actually... uh, nope. that is my wife. again, he'll be calling in any second. - hey, uh, give me a call back when you get a chance. cece did great, and i want to tell you something. - hey, boss, you gotta jump on a delivery. - i don't do that anymore. - that's what they told me. - [sighs] all right, let's get this over with. - you looking for fun? it just found you! whoo! [laughs] [engine turning] here we go! yeah! ♪ filming a card to send to the fam. ♪ ♪ singing carol-oke with my best friends. ♪

♪ hanging out with mom, ♪ making ninjabread men all day, ♪ ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ that's my kind of holiday, ♪ oh oh oh oh ♪ what's your kind of holiday? mom swaps one of my snacks for a yoplait. i don't mind, i mean it's orange crème. and when mom said bobby was too edgy... 'sup girl. i just swapped him out for tyler. 'sup girl. mom never questioned bobby again.

two can play at this game. [ female announcer ] swap one snack a week for a yoplait. and everybody wins. yoplait. it is so good. for mcdonald's new jalapeno kicker sandwiches. brace yourself with heat from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. now through thursday, buy one jalapeno kicker quarter pounder or premium chicken sandwich, and get a free medium fries and soft drink. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪

- yes, we will be delivering a shipment of paper today, but i will also be delivering you a big shipment of fun! [fun.'s we are young plays] - ♪ tonight - how far is this place? [turns off radio] - uh, not far at all, but i thought along the way, we could play some sports.

- fun. - hey, really nice job in that meeting in there. - oh, thank you. ion't know. i sort of thought i-- - so proud of you, hon. - oh, i don't know. okay. - i'm just curious, though-- what do you have against pete and erin? - well, andy wrote me a really nice recommendation letter for the adoption agency, and i-i just sort of felt i owed him one. - pete's a pretty cool guy, though, and andy was a terrible lover to erin. he basically ignored her and left on a boat. - i didn't really think about it like that. - yeah, well... not everybody has what we have. - "what we have"? - mm-hmm. - i just remembered... i kissed that man. oh, no. oh, no. - yes. fast food. i'll take a burger over a gross philly cheesesteak any day.

- they have fast food in philly. - not like this. - exactly like this. - and your milkshake. - thank you. - it's 30 degrees out. you're drinking a milkshake? - nope. fire in the hole! [laughs] oh, yeah! now, that's what working at a paper company's all about! [keys jingle] wait. what are you doing? i need the k-- we have to go. - you just threw a milkshake in a restaurant where they make minimum wage. - it's a youtube thing. let's go. let's go. come on, they're coming. - anyone want to see the video from cece's recital? - oh, i would love to, but i am swamped... with that. - i'll watch it. let's get this over with. - all right, you don't have to. - let's get this over with, pam. - okay. [applause] - oh. - wait. what? excuse me. sorry. i'm in a rush to get back to work. oh, no. i took a phone call in the middle of taping, and then when i went to turn it back on, i must have turned it off. - user error.

i heard it happened to other people. - oscar, don't rub it in. i'm sure pam is already kicking herself for choosing a phone call over her child. - well, it was an important phone call. i haven't told anyone here about the mural yet. i want jim to be the first to know. whenever i tell him good news, he's always like, "beesly!" i love that. only thing better than getting the job-- "beesly!" [chuckles] - hey. - hello, peter. [copier whirring] - it barely even feels like a prank anymore. - you missed a spot. - fire in the hole! - go, go, go, go! [tires screech] - ha ha! yeah, joke's on you, buddy! they make you come back and clean it up!

- i am sorry that that was so awkward for you two in that meeting. but i am going to have to reassemble the youth task force. - oh, no, i really don't think that's a good idea. - well, that is not your call. you have no choice in the matt, and everybody knows it. - well, okay, then. - i guess we don't have a choice. - nope. - yeah. - yeah. - lady... you never stop surprising me. [clears throat] - what? what was that? did i just hear you laughing with glee? - no. i was clearing my throat. - [sighs]

- good night. - night. - night. - night, creed. [cell phone rings] hey. - hey. - so how's it going? - we lost bridgeport capital. i have no idea what happened. it's like everything i did, he just wouldn't go for it. - i'm so sorry. - i have no idea where we're gonna come up with this money, and we have to work insanely hard over the next few weeks. - oh. i'm sorry. i feel like you've already been working insanely hard. - can you figure out how to upload cece's dance recital? i definitely could use a pick-me-up. - um, actually, funny story-- i didn't get it. i shouldn't have been so cocky about my rectangle-holding skills after all. - you're not serious, are you? you didn't get any of the recital? - no, i got the teacher introducing them and then the applause afterwards. but not so much of the middle part. - come on, pam.

pam, i asked you if you could use the phone, and you swore that you knew how. - yeah, okay, i'm sorry. i'm sure we can get a copy. a lot of people were taping it. - oh, great. so we'll see somebody else's kid with cece in the background? i mean, it's really not that hard to film a video. - is there--um... you want to ease up a little bit? - look, pam, i don't know what to tell you. i mean, what do i do? it's gone. that moment's just gone. i miss it. - i don't know, jim--maybe you should have been there. - you're not serious, right? i mean, how is that fair? i'm in philly. these are my days in philly. you've agreed to this. - you know what? i don't think you want to start a conversation with me about what's fair, okay? this is way more intense than i ever-- - pam, i'm not explaining this to you-- pam, i'm not going over this again. i don't know how else-- - jim, we--we need you. - i don't kn how else to tell you, okay? i'm doing everything i can every week to bring home something... - i am--i am-- - for our fam-- - i am trying to make everything perfect here, okay? so that you can have everything that you want. - i'm doing this just for me?

is that what i'm doing? i'm doing it just for me. if that's what you think, then this is a really sad night. but you know what? i got to go. okay? - yep. - we'll talk tomorrow? - yep. i'll talk to you tomorrow. - all right. grea i'll talk to you tomorrow. - bye. [sniffles, cries] - hey, you okay? - what am i doing wrong, brian? - nothing. you're doing the best you can. - brian. - give her a minute. give her a minute. - [crying] - hey, it's just a tough situation, all right? - it's getting tougher. i just didn't know that it was gonna be this hard.

- yeah. let's turn the cameras off. seriously, guys. enough. enough. - thank you. discover the feeling of fresh hydration with dial glycerin bar soap. dial healthier skin, healthier you. see our ad for a coupon in this sunday's paper.

♪ hello, jimmy john's? [ tires screech ] jimmy john's here. what took you so long? [ male announcer ] jimmy john's. freaky fast delivery! [ birds chirping ] i love a man in uniform.

for mcdonald's new jalapeno kicker sandwiches. [ birdbrace yourself with heat from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. now through thursday, buy one jalapeno kicker quarter pounder or premium chickenandwich, and get a free medium fries and soft drink. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪

step two, baconated cheese for awesome. step three, get ready to wow. step four... mmmmm. ♪ [ male announcer ] pillsbury crescents. make the holidays pop. he loves me. he loves me not. he loves me. he loves me not. ♪ he loves me! that's right. [ mom ] warm and flaky in 15, everyone loves pillsbury grands! [ girl ] make dinner pop! everyone loves pillsbury grands! - fire in the hole! - [screams] - go, go, go, go! [laughter] - i nailed that guy, dude. - oh, yeah. - and replay. - thank you. fire in the hole! - [screams]

- go, go, go, go! [laughter] - i nailed that guy, dude. - [sighs] i'm gonna miss the paper business.

>> yeah, that's no problem.

>> hang up. >> sure. >> uh-huh. >> pam--knock, knock. >> i'm on the phone. >> i know you are. knock, knock. >> you can fax it over. yeah, 5-7-0... 5-5-5... >> 5-9-1... >> 0-1... >> 7-4... "flive-ling." >> 7-5. 0-1-7-5. thank you. bye-bye. that really makes us look unprofessional. >> they would never know it was me doing it. here we go--knock, knock. >> [sighs] who's there? >> buddha. >> buddha who? >> buddha this bread for me, won't you? [laughter] >> great. >> i--i need something to wipe my hand. >> now there's-- there's butter on my desk. >> ah, it was melting. it was a classic. >> i got a knock-knock joke. >> no...god. >> michael, please? please? please? please. >> oh, my god. >> please let me. >> all right. >> [clears throat] knock, knock. >> who's there? >> kgb. >> kg-- >> [bad accent] we will ask the questions. >> what the hell was that?! >> what are you doing? >> what are you doing? >> hey! hey! >> you like that? >> stop that. >> you like that? >> come on. what are you doing? mine was part of a hilarious joke! >> mine was retribution. what are you doing?

no more knock-knock jokes. that's it. >> ding-dong. >> who's there? >> kgb. >> dwight, get the door. >> i'm not answering the door. >> answer the door. >> ding-dong. >> no way. it's the kgb. >> yeah, you get it. >> ding-dong. >> i'm not answering that. >> yes, you're going to. >> you answer it. >> i'm not gonna answer it. >> i'm not gonna answert. it's the kgb! >> [bad accent] the kgb will wait for no one. >> it's true. [cheerful music] ♪ >> good morning, michael. >> oh, no, no, no, no. i am not michael. i am willy wonka! >> good morning, mr. wonka. here are your messages. >> why, thank you very much. [gasps]

what are those? what are those? tell me please! >> jelly beans. >> no, no, no, they are not just ordinary jelly beans, little girl. these are extraordinary jelly beans! the willy wonka golden ticket promotional idea is probably the best idea i've ever had. it's probably the best idea anybody has ever had. three days ago, i slipped five pieces of gold paper into random paper shipments. this entitles the customer to 10% off of their total order. it will be a day for them that is full of whimsy and full of excitement and full of fantasy. i have written these things because it is my responsibility as manager of this branch to "profiligate" great ideas, and i think i have ne my part with the golden ticket promotion. now it is your turn. i want to hear some great ideas from you that are just as good as mine. [taps cane] mm-hmm. >> we own our own delivery trucks.

we could lease them out on the weekends-- >> too many words. good ideas are simple-- golden ticket. >> free...paper. >> no. jim, we're a business. post-its. that is a golden ticket idea. nasa took five or six golden ticket ideas to get men on the moon. >> golden girls. that's a golden ticket idea, right? i mean, how great was that show? golden grahams, another... is it... i don't get this. >> no, you don't. no, it-- [sighs] what will be the state of this company if i am the only one coming up with the great ideas, right? >> i think i should call her. >> hm-mm. mm, mm, mm, mm. no. no. no. >> why is it so bad for me to call and ask her to lunch today? >> [sighs] you're making it too easy for her. you're just conveying, "oh, i like you just the way you are." >> but i do like her just the way she is. >> well, that's not what we agreed on.

>> what are you doing? >> huh? >> why don't you just go on a date with her? try to spark up an ongoing joke, and then in a month or two, if it feels right, you'll know. >> no. >> you don't have to wait that long. i mean, you don't have to wait a month to ask her out. just ask her out. >> you're asking him to give up all of his power. >> what power? >> andy, pam, and jim are all telling me how to deal with this girl that i like, lynn. i don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. i'm a textbook over-thinker. >> you can't let a girl feel good about herself. it will backfire on you. every compliment has to be backhanded-- "oh, i like your dress, but i'd like it more if you had prettier hair." >> that's psychotic. do guys actually do that? >> oh, guys with girlfriends don't. >> that's low, tuna. >> hey, tom. what's that? oh, you found a golden ticket. one of my clients found a golden ticket. >> ooh hoo hoo! >> yeah. >> la dee doo! >> no, congratulations. >> oh, whoo-hoo-hoo!

>> yeah, i'll take that down right now. >> tell me, was it a spoiled little girl with big lips? >> i'm on the phone. >> or an odd little boy with a cowboy obsession? >> hold on one sec. >> invite them on the tour! >> yeah, hold on one sec. it's actually blue cross from pennsylvania. >> really? >> yeah. >> that's kind of a big clit. hey, oscar. whoo-hoo-hoo. um, how much of a hit is 10% of our blue cross account? >> ten percent? >> yeah. >> th're our largest client. >> yeah. >> that's gonna hurt. >> hold on one sec. hold on one sec, tom. what's that? you found five golden tickets? and does it say "limit one per customer"? nope, it doesn't. how do you not spread out the tickets into different shipments? >> i thought i did, so no harm no foul. >> okay, well, i'm gonna go call corporate to make sure that they know i didn't lose half my sales. >> you didn't. that...it'll be fine. it'll be good. [door closes] hey, hey.

hey. you idiot. >> start over. >> sir, i placed a bunch of golden tickets into five separate boxes, and somehow they all ended up with blue cross. how does this happen? >> were the boxes near each other? >> irrelevant. >> i put three pallets on the truck to blue cross once a week. they use a lot of paper. >> okay, i'm going to ask you something, and i want you to be honest. what is a pallet? my golden ticket idea-- okay, why would anyone think that this is my golden ticket idea? there's a one in 13 chance that this could be anybody's golden ticket idea. that... >> dunder mifflin-- this is pam. oh, hi, david. no, i'm sorry. he's not back from the civil rights rally. i'll have him call you the minute he gets back from the lincoln memorial. when michael's skirting a phone call, he gave me a list of places to say he is--

"stopping a fight in the parking lot. an obama fashion show." whatever that is. or "trapped in an oil painting." i'm gonna save that one. >> nobody panic. the good news is they can't fire all of us, right? >> they can. >> no, they can't. >> yes, they can. >> oscar, you don't know what the hell you're talking about. >> michael, what do you think shutting down a branch is? >> all right, then we're screwed! i am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so... >> okay, well, i lost a ton of money today, and i have a mortgage, so i'm a little pissed, too. >> thank you. jim is with me. >> absolutely not. i'm mad at you. >> well, you know what, jim? it is not my fault that you bought a house to impress pam. that is why carnations exist. >> that's not why. >> okay, we need a gold ticket idea to get us out of this mess.

yes. >> does that mean an idea that blows up in our faces later? >> good one. [phone ringing] >> okay, don't get that. please. >> i've got a golden ticket idea. why don't you skip on up to the roof and jump off? >> that is not constructive. >> dunder mifflin-- this is pam. oh, hi, david. all right, i'll find out he' if he's out yet.scopy. >> hello, david. i just got back from my procedure, so... >> michael, what the hell is going on here? >> how are you doing? >> fine. what's going on? >> my colonoscopy was an examination of my large colon and the distal part of my small bowel with a camera. >> why did you okay this golden ticket idea? we're going to lose a fortune, michael. how could you let this happen? >> well, there is an explanation that involves me not letting it happen, and i just don't-- i don't...know. >> how could you not know, michael? >> i think... we might have hired an outside marketing consultant.

>> we might have hired-- okay, whatfirm? >> you're breaking up. >> michael? >> okay. i think-- i'm--it might have been an inside...consultant. >> was it the sales department? >> yes. >> was it jim? >> no. >> okay. was it dwight? >> yes. on sale someplace else,t so i take my receiptee it and the ad back to walmart. and guess what? they matched the price and gave me the difference. amazing. right? woah! shop early with our new christmas ad match. even if you find a lower advertised price later we'll give you the difference on a gift card. walmart. just to tell you our products get the job done. instead, we give you $7.00 off disney's planes when you join scott shared values. ♪ sign up at scottbrand.com

>> come on in. good to see ya. have a seat. i just wanted to congratulate you on that great golden ticket idea. >> that was your idea. >> whoa. wow. who told you that? >> you did. several times. >> no, i don't think i ever did. >> over and over again. >> that was your idea, dwight. >> you were dressed as willy wonka, so... >> i'm not taking credit for that-- >> wasn't my idea. i'd love to--but i can't. >> wait a second. wait a second. i wrote it down in my diary. >> you don't keep a diary. >> yes, i do. you've just never seen it. "march 4th.

"dwight came up with the best idea today about golden tickets." >> okay, hold that thought. [door closes] >> march...4th. "michael scott came up with golden ticket idea to give five customers 10% off for one year." >> why do you have a diary? >> to keep secrets from my computer. >> okay, you know what? you came up with this idea. i remember you told me that you loved the willy wonka movie when you were growing up. >> impossible. >> yes, you did. >> i wasn't given candy as a child, so a movie that fetishized it that much would have made no sense to me. plus we weren't allowed to see movies, so... do the math. >> what are you writing? >> "had conversation with michael "about taking credit for an idea that wasn't mine. discussed movies." >> would you like to go to lunch with me? just the two of us? >> with all my heart.

>> you guys are throwing a lot at me. >> well, all i'm saying is it's the first date, so just keep a respectful distance. >> right. >> i don't think jim means to say that you shouldn't touch her. >> no, that is what i mean. >> shush. kevin, a playful touch on the arm or on the back, it can show your interest, and it's really romantic. >> like that? >> no. stop it. >> don't touch her, don't talk to her, don't look at her. put your heart out there like that, it's liable to just turn into this blackened carbon brick. it has barbeque sauce of shame and rage, and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that. >> we think a lot alike. sometimes you will think something, and i will say what you're thinking. >> okay, what am i thinking right now? >> um, nacho chips. >> no, i was thinking about how the skin is the largest organ of the body. >> okay. let me just cut to the chase, dwit.

i want you to fall on your sword for me. >> oh, not gonna happen. i did fall on my sword once. i was running with it in my belt. won't happen again. >> why do you even want to stay at dunder mifflin? i mean, what's the point? you're cooped up in there all day. you don't get to do your farming. you're not dating angela anymore. it doesn't matter if you get fired for taking credit for the gold ticket idea. it doesn't matter. me on the other hand, i would be lost without this place. you, way too manly. >> what about shoe la la? >> [sighs] it's not ready yet. i have an idea for a fancy men's shoe store called shoe la la, and it's just men's shoes for the special occasions in a man's life, like the day that you get married or the day your wife has a baby or for just lounging around the house. [door closes] may i have your attention please? i have an announcement. mr. dwight schrute and i just returned from a wonderful stroll together,

and although i probably will never do it again, i had fun. i really had fun with my best friend, dwight. >> these aren't announcements. >> yes, they are. you just don't care about the information. >> i love working here, and i do not wanna leave. >> he doesn't love it that much. it wouldn't be such a bad thing for him to be fired. >> well... >> i mean, like we were talking about, that is why he has come to the conclusion-- >> we discussed the fact that i'm cooped up here instead of experiencing the whole wide world. >> right. >> you know, plowing my own acres, going around shirtless all day. you know, experiencing freedom. >> that's it. that's it. you can't put a price on freedom. >> try me. >> that's why you've made the decision. that's why you made... >> i haven't made a decision yet. >> you kind of have. >> no. >> yes. that's that. >> oh, my god. dwight. dwight!