- nate! your mother is dying. - see, i feel bad about that. - it's all right. it's all right. - so she's gonna pull throug again? that's great. can i talk to her? - no. she needs her re again - now, listen, now that we have got you here, l's talk about this mural business. - you know who the vandal is. now i know a lot of these warehouse guys are your fends, but we've got chewing gum. - gum's gotten mintier lately. have you noticed? like, some of it's just too minty. it's like they're literally trying to hurt your-- - tell us who defaced the mural. - he diit. - all right. you can go. give him his gum. there's no gum. there never was any gum. - wow, that's really rude. [indistinct atter, soft piano music] - opening with puff pastries? that's a bold play. they're saying it's only gona get better from here?

good luck. - that painting is just... how can anyone that weighs less than a guinea hen be so terrifying? - ladies and gentlemen, senator and angela lipton. [applause] - thankseverybody. thanks for coming. phillip had no idea he was so popular. [laughter] - this is the team. - nice job, man. - you too, darryl. - what? oh, man. i'm sorry about that. - it's cool. reading's tricky sometimes. - oh. are you really mad about this? - that's my go-to thermos, that's all. - oh. it's your go-to-- oh, man, that's a bummer. i'm sorry about that - no big deal. no big deal. - no, no, if it's a big deal, it's a big deal. no big deal. - no, no, no, no, you don't have to do that. - honestly, i don't mind.

did you want me to wash it for you? - i don't know. are you gonna wash it, or are you gonna let it soak? - okay. [picks up piece of paper] here you go. - thank you.

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- so, frank, do you have any thoughts about what was done? by you? - maybe--maybe i could get the ball rolling. frank? hi. pam. i am so sorry if i've done anything to offend you. i'm sure it isn't easy for you guys to have an upstairs person coming down in your space.

so truly i apologize. but enough about me. your turn. - insert apology here, frank? - i'm sorry i didn't like your crappy doodles. i drew a butt. big deal. butts are funny. - well, i didn't think that butt was funny. - well, maybe if you got the stick out of yours. - what was that? - you know what? you people can't fire me, so screw u. [an object falls] - whoa. hey, that is not okay. what are you gonna do about that? - [speaks indistinctly] - the first sorry sounded sincere. - there were two or three soies in there. - mm, that's quite a lot. - it's a lot. - that sucked. he didn't apologize. there's no talking to that guy. - oh, your little feelings party didn't work out, huh? who won the hugging contest? no, let me guess.

everyone tied for first. - we should just take him down. - wait. are you saying... - i'm saying we should go scorched earth on that guy's face. - normally i find pam to be a comforting if unarousing presence around the office. like a well-watered fern. but today she has tapped into this vengeful violent side, and i'm like, wow, pam has kind of a good butt. he messed with something that was important to you. we need to mess with somein that's important to him. a little eye-for-an-eye action. - yes, yes. - go all hammurabi on this clown. - we need an filttor. - i know just the man for the job. - clark? - he even looks like a mole. - one of his tee shots can wipe out a whole owl population. [laughter] - you two seem very close. - yes, we're good fends. good friends. - yeah. - and i suppose that may ruffle a few feathers, because for a long time our party has turned its back on the hispac people.

well, that is not who i am. i am a friend of the lati cmunity. and, if you ask m it's time that we bid bigotry hasta luego. [laughter] now does my embrace of hispanics make me more electable? given demographic trends, i don't know. and i don't care. what i care about is oscar. my friend. mi amigo oscar. [applause] - maybe i should be insulted that honly invited me here to be his token mexican friend, but he could have invited any number of hispanics ate knows-- his gardener rohelio, or he could have invited... rohelio. but he chose me. rohelio's malaysian. the son of a bitch is malaysian.

- oh, hey. - hey. - hey, i usually watch tv during my lunch break. it's cool? - yeah, totally. it's mine. don't worry. - i didn't say anything. - i don't think you had to. - excuse me? - i think you might be going a little crazy with this labeling thing, man. i mean, you put your name on a five-pound bag of flour. are you honestly saying that, if i needed flour, i couldn't use that? - what you need flour for, jim? - that's not the point. - what you making, bread? - no, i'm not making bread. - what kind of bread you making? pumpernickel? - it doesn't matter. darryl, i think you know the point i'm trying to make. - all right, i'm being a jerk. you got me this job. i should be grateful. i am, but just, you know, i get a little finicky about my stuff. that's all. - it's all good. are we all good? - we good.

- what's that cooler? - nothing. it's mine. [soda can snaps] [beep] [beeping] [electronic ding] what happened to my tavis smileys? - oh, crap. were those yours? - i never want to see you worng in the upstairs office again! do you hear me? - but my only crime was loving the local sports teams and trying to be one of the guys. - silence. you'll now be working in the warehouse with the untouchables. now go make your hands rough with work. - okay, boss. pam, you know this is ridiculous, right? like, you're smarter than him. - shh, shh, shh. - this is never gonna work. - shh, shh. remember your lines. - what lines? - go move some paper.

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- hey, you know that guy frank who works in the warehouse? - he's not my hire, but i know who he is. - okay, what is he like? what's important to him? does he have, like, a favorite pair of boots or a lunchbox? - what, is he retiring? you getting him a gift or something? - yeah, something like that. - i know he loves his pickup truck. - oh, great, his truck. - great. get the plate number. - okay, do you know the plate-- never mind. why would you know that, and why would i be asking that? - so we know which truck to fill. - while i got you on the phone, your husband's like a sloppy, homeless hobo. can you fix that? - ye. i was kind of hoping you could. i gotta go. bye. come on. - hold on a second. sundeep, let's get you closer to the senator. just about there. great. and, oscar, i'm gonna need you

to step a little closer to the senator as well. somewhere there. - he's blocking me. - it's only a photo, honey. - excuse me. what's your name? - shawn. - lashawn, great. you want to be in a photo? right this way. not you. no. - he put me here. - he put you right in front of me? - he placed me there. he did. he placed me here. - let's just wheel margaret right in front-- - ow! - here. - robert. - smile. - i'm done. what are you... is that supposed to be my mural? - yeah, frank draws a butt on your mural. i'm drawing your mural on frank's truck's butt. eye for an eye, mamacita. - aw, dwight, that's really sweet. - let's see yours. - oh, no. i'm embarrassed. it's stupid. - this is amazing! frank, and he's leavi a trail of poops? - yeah. - and he has saggy boobs. - i saw that. it's great. - i feel better. - good. i'm glad you feel better. this has been a wonderful day.

i have to say, i like hanging out with a vengeful bitch. - i know. you miss angela, don't you? - ugh, don't spathize. you're ruining the mood. back to work. draw his penis. - i got back at frank in the most fitting way possible. with my art. you know, the paints are water-based. it's gonna come off with a hose. but i think the lesson will last-- - lady, my truck? you had no right. - no, you had no right! - it's a $40,000 truck. - so? you started it. - so? so somebody needs to shut you up. - hey, hey, hey. - whoa. - easy. - son of a bitch. - guys? - you're gonna hit a woman? [all grunting] - thanks so much for coming. thank you so much. well... have we all calmed down yet? - yes. sorry about that. - it was all my fault. - let's all try to do better next time. kevin, great to see you.

- thank you for the food. and also you suck. - i beg your pardon. - you're, like, a terrible person. these guys care about you, and you're just using them. again, the food was very good. - well, i'm gonna say something to the producers. - no, no, it'- - you shouldn't be fired. i mean, you were just protecting me. - it's all good. i knew what i was doing. i'm sorry about youmural, though. i mean, because you put so much into that. - oh, no, forget about my mural. it's stupid. - no, you worked hard on that. that guy's an animal. i'm glad they're firing him too. - it's crazy. brian, i'm so sorry. - look, i don't--i don't want to pu myself where i don't belong. if you ever need me, you just call me, and i'll be there for you. - thanks, brian.

- see ya. - wow, this whole philly thing has been so much fun that i may have lost sight of what really matters. i mean, having fun is not nearly as important as being good to the people you really care about. i mean, that's just roommates 101. - oh, come on. - oh. - uh. - oh! - damn. - you wins. [gunfire and explosions in video game] how good did that feel? - that felt really good actually.

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>> i had no idea when i got into that car to go to new york that i was going to be quitting. i got on the ramp, and i was like, "two hours, two hours to go. "feelin' good. crank some tunes. should have peed before i left." >> michael, get to the good part. >> okay, so. get up to building. >> mm-hmm. >> revolving door broken. >> ooh. >>so i have to take the normal door.

>> oh, my god. >> at least he's in the building. >> no. no. i was so nervous, it was the wrong building. >> oh. [quiet murmuring] >> i had walked into the wrong building. >> he finally has a story we really want to hear. and he knows it. okay, focus, focus. you're in the right building. you're with the right people. what happened? >> i looked at wallace and i said, "i quit." and as i turned to leave, i ed back and i said, "you have no idea how high i can fly." >> you didn't tell him how sick of him you were? >> why would i do that? >> well, wouldn't it feel good to tell him that he's incompetent, uh-- >> that he's wasted 15 years of your life. >> maybe spit in his face. >> you guys have thought about this a lot more than i have. i just wiedt. >> i love a good quitting story. it makes me feel like i have control over my own life. gives me hope. maybe i'll have one of my own someday. [chuckles] but i dream. [quietly] so. [cheerful music]

♪ >> [laughs] >> about a week ago, michael gave his two weeks' notice. and surprisingly, there is a very big difference between michael trying and michael not trying. >> michael, is that scotch? >> scotch and splenda. tastes like splenda, gets you drunk like scotch. [slurps] clinky clinky clink. come on. come on, come on. what am i gonna do? i'll tell you what i'm gonna do. i'm gonna do a little bit of this, a little bit of that. i'm gonna stay up all day. i'm gonna sleep up all night.

i'm gonna give -- ♪ ho, hey, ho and i'm gonna stop worrying about calories. >> maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs. >> i have a job. >> for four more days. >> do you have any leads on a job? >> pam, what you don't understand-- at my level, you don't just look in the want ads for a job. you are headhunted. >> have youalled any headhunters? >> any good headhunter knows that i am available. >> any really good headhunter will storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head wi a cemonl ife. >> right, 'cause that's what we're talking about. >> uh, i need you to go over these client lists and indicate any wrong or false data. >> your "i need you to" is my command. >> okay. [sighs] >> hey, michael. >> hey. >> can i talk to you for a minute? >> you can talk to me for as long you want

because i have all the time in the world. >> [chuckles] >> oh, god. ugh. phyllis. >> i just wanted to, uh, tell you that-- oh! ah, what's that? >> oh, hey! what is this about? >> um, you know, 'cause you're go-- you're leaving and everything. it's a farewell. >> right. >> so i hope i get to work with you some day again. >> me, too. me, too. >> is this wine? >> ah! busted, yes. >> i already have wine. >> oh. >> hello. >> hi. >> isaac silby here for the interview. >> uh, yes. plea have a seat. it'll be a few minutes. >> thank you. you interviewing, too? >> mmm. hmm? >> interviewing? >> for? >> regional manager. >> yes, i am. >> for regional manager, i've decided to go with an outside hire. for obvious reasons.

>> where you from? >> philly. >> that's a drive. >> yeah, well, this is one of the few places that's hiring. it's, uh-- it's brutal out there. >> [sighs] >> pam. >> mm-hmm? >> when will the new copier be ready? >> i'm working on it, kev. during the course of business, a copier goes through something called "normal wear and tear." >> i think it's 75 cents. >> that's a lot. >> bandit, no. no, no, no. >> oh! >> yesterday they delivered the new one. but they didn't set it up. so my day just got a little more interesting. [loud groaning noises] >> it's monster.com. singular. >> thank you. [groaning ceases] you work in paper long enough, you get to know the players. >> hi, you've reached prince paper. we are sad to inform you

that after 40 years of serving the community, we are no longer in business. thank you for your support and may god bless you. >> bye! >> [sighs] wt gonna do? uh... [chuckles] ♪ been pinning fun ideas along the way. ♪ ♪ thanksgiving photo booth before the meal ♪ ♪ to capture all the joy we feel ♪ ♪ elf on a shelf, like it, pin it ♪ ♪ with my redcard, i'm in the game to win it. ♪ save big this season with price match, plus 5% off and free shipping with your debit or credit redcard. ♪ that my kind oholiday.

>> psst. [crash, shatter] psst. >> yep. you want me to come into your office? oh, okay. >> [chuckli] okay. all right. uh, close your eyes. >> i'd prefer not to. >> just close your eyes. >> [quietly sighs] >> [laughs] i'm going to start my own paper company. [laughs]

>> you're starting your own paper company. >> yeah! >> why? can you believe-- 'cause i know paper. i know everything there is to know about paper. >> do you know that the industry is in decline? >> yeah! oh, god, i practically invented decline. >> right. >> right? i know paper. i know how to manage. i have a name. close your eyes. >> no, i did that before. it added nothing. >> just close 'em. >> okay. >> all right. "michael scott paper company." you want in? do you want to be a part of this? >> i am not gonna do this. >> oh. obvious-- >> and you are not going to, either. >> oh, agreed. mmm, except-- >> here's the thing. what i wish for you is that you land a job at a company that "a," exists, and "b," has a salary because they're set up to do that kind of thing. >> hey, hey. what's up, chuck? >> jim. >> h. >> what are you doing? >> nothing. just talking. >> okay. chael nded in his two-week notice. did you also hand in your two-week-- >> i didn't. >> no? okay. [sighs]

>> you want me to translate the german instructions for you? >> no, i'm sure they're pretty much the same as the english instructions. >> [scoffs] typical american arrogance that got us involved ina war we never should have been in. >> that's a really-- >> world war ii. >> well, fine. do the german instructions say what this is supposed to do? >> [clears throat] deutsch. let me see here. it is either an incense dispenser or a ceremonial sarcophagus. >> hmm. >> my german is pre-industrial and mostly religious. [door slams] >> pam. listen, this order form-- instead of saying "dunder mifflin" at the top, is there any way i could get it to say something else? >> like "michael scott paper company"? >> you--oh. somebody's been talking in bed. pillow talk.

>> [chuckles] yeah. >> [laughs] >> listen, michael. have you really thought this through? 'cause it's a pretty big risk. >> this is a dream that i have had since lunch, and i am not giving up on it now. >> yeah. you could give it up though, right? and almost no one would know. >> before you got here, i'm the one who landed all of these clients. half of 'em, at least. i can do it again. i know the market. i know the price points. i'm on it. don't worry. so how do i do that? >> well, um, you can scan it. >> mm-hmm. >> and then you can upload the image, and then you can copy a neimag- >> could i take a piece of paper and just tape it with transparent tape? >> yeah. good. >> oh, thank you very much. >> mm-hmm. >> so that is why i have to leave at 5:00 on tuesdays. it's to pick up my little sisters from school. we're really tight. we're like the kardashians. >> you know, you can run this stuff by toby. [knocking] >> yeah, i don't like talking--

>> come in. >> i'm sorry. i didn't realize you were with anyone. but i just wanted to bring you the brochure on that accounting seminar that i was telling you about. >> yep. >> earlier. >> okay, we're in the middle of something, angela, so why don't you just-- >> okay, um, actually, you know, it was so much fun last year. there was a sundae bar. i mean, i didn't have any-- you know, to stay trim. >> did michael just let anybody in his office? > yes. >> yeah. [both talking at once] >> yeah. >> he was like, "come in." >> i am aware of the effect i have on women. >> so you should be heading back to your desk. >> okay. bye, charles. well, you'll let me know. good-bye [stammers] >> she's such a special person. she's turning 50 this year. >> i'm starting my own paper company. >> no way! >> yeah. >> in this climate? >> [chuckles] in all climates. it's going to be worldwide. and i'm looking for some talented salesmen to join me. that's where you come in. >> eh...

[with british accent] well, it's a very intriguing concept, isn't it? um, hmm... [murmuring] michael is starting his own paper company. what do you think about that? >> your own paper company. >> can you believe it? well, we'll see. we'll see. >> wow. >> it's just a--it's a nugget of an idea right now, so. >> right. >> potential. lots of potential. yes. >> what a courageous venture. >> it's--it's very courageous. very exciting. um... >> location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities so-- >> with the farm. you getting to wherever i'm gonna put my thing. >> okay, so yeah. >> so think about it. let's put a pin in it for now. >> you know, i would love to put a pin in that. >> everyone, can i have your attention? this is the moment you've all been waiting for. right? [drum roll]

>> little miss thing wants attention. >> meredith-- [sighs] [beeps and whirs] >> oh. it's, uh-- [beeping] g-44. [whispering] it's not ready, kevin. i am at a crucial point where i have sunk four hours into that copier. and i am not gonna let it beat me like that wireless router did. >> you put a note in my food? >> i made it sterile. >> just to say "sterile" doesn't make it so. >> i am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, oscar, to come work for me. >> do you have a business plan? >> [laughs] >> a funding request? market research? financials? >> no. >> you need those things. >> no. no! >> most new business, they don't make a profit till at least two years. and then your margins will be razor-thin. best-case scenario,

you don't cut yourself a salary for at least five years. can you go fi years without a salary, michael? >> okay. >> five years? >> hey. you already have theob. you don't have to convince me. >> it's just not prudent, michael. >> stanley. >> can't you see i'm urinating? >> listen, listen. stanley, you don't need to answer me now. >> no. >> just--i want you to think about it. i am starting my own company. >> no. >> oh--okay, you're not letting me finish, and you just lost out on $1 million. >> no, i didn't. >> you know what? i had a great time at prom. and no one said "yes" to that, either. hos it working? >> um, let's see. it's fine. >> good. i did it. i learned everything about this machine. i know all the buttons, even the inside ones. i know all the error messages. i could do a bound book in plastic with offset colors. which feels...