>> packed show. >> i know. >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen! i stand before you tonight surrounded by american flags, secure in the knowledge that i am not running for president and have zero chance of being elected anything! but are we going to let that stop meh. isabel juarren-tinez? si, se puede! from picking a vice president? no! that's right tonight, i am proud to announce julie wainwright, my vice presidentvice president running mate. you're my rock. thank you. and while i'm pretending i've got a shot, i'm proud to

supreme court is supreme court starting guard for your chicago bulls, mr. michael jordan. thank you for being here. m.j. wishes he could be here but unfortunately we have never met and he doesn't know this is happening and you know what? while i'm at it, my secretary of state's going to be harry potter and the rest of my cabinet is going to be the remaining beatles and please rise for our new national anthem, johnnie, drop it like it's hot! >> announcer: tonight, stephen welcomes the cast of "the good wife"! hank hank and phil knight,

human" and now it's time for "the late show" with stephen colbert! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: thank you, jon! good to see you, my friend! nice to see you! (cheers and applause) hey! welcome to "the late show," everybody! thank you so much! i'm your host stephen colbert. please, everybody, we've got to get straight to. so much show tonight, there's big news in washington this week. i mean like 2,000 pounds big. yesterday, the house of

the bison america's national mammal. so give it up for the bison, everybody! (cheers and applause) the bison. the bison, truly america's fat hairy horse. of course, the bison is also known as the american buffalo because early americans confused it for a different species. it's an easy mistake and the only mistake the settlers made. (laughter) what an honor for an animal that almost went extinct thanks to its delicious wings. touch and go there for a while. as one congressman put it yesterday, no other species tells america's story better than this noble creature, to which i say, really? no other creature? what about this creature? yeah. (cheers and applause)

you know i don't mean just me. last time i checked, humans are mammals as well. for pete's sake, four four out of five of the presidential candidates are mammals. one of them might be a space lizard in a convincing human costume. (laughter) i'm not going to say which one -- ted cruz. so... (laughter) (cheers and applause) got to have that thing tailored. no disrespect. no disrespect to our friend the bison. but if there's a national mammal, it is us, the american human. we built the railroad. the american human put the first human on the moon. the american human wrote "you give love a bad name," and that is not even bon jovi's best song, but still way better than

plus if there's one thing i know about national animals is that you can't eat them. so either we can't eat the bison anymore or they're bearing the lead here and we can now eat bald eagles. mmm... you have thought about it. imagine how good they'd taste with buffalo sauce. save the beak for dipping. some of my favorite humans are jon batiste and "stay human." say hi, everybody. (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) (humming tune) that's a new song, jon. that's a happy song.

>> jon: it's called true happiness. >> stephen: truly? >> jon: yes, true happiness is the title, it embodies happiness. >> stephen: it truly does, thank you, john. >> jon: it's like bite-sized snickers. it embodies the happiness. >> stephen: bite-size snickers technically embody funness, they're not a happy size. >> jon: but fun can be equated to happiness because when we have fun, we're happy. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: i see. i see. i tell you who's not having too much fun right now, that's ted cruz. and i don't know about you but i'm still realing from yesterday's big news out of the cruz campaign. first that there is still a ted cruz campaign. second, that he named a running mate yesterday. that is bold. after tuesday's huge wins by clinton and trump.

on the wall and laid off hundreds of staffers. meanwhile, ted cruz covered up the writing on the wall with a hang in there baby poster. take a look at his historish moment. >> after a great deal of consideration and prayer, i have come to the conclusion that if i am nominated to be president of the united states that i will run on a ticket with my v-vice presidential nominee, carly fiorina. >> stephen: yes, ted cruz. has found. a run. ning mate. (applause)

packard, fiorina is the perfect choice to balance the ticket and save some money on tone er-- and i gotta say, ted cruz has got some serious whaifos rancheros to announce a vice president at this stage. it reminds me of one other historic announcement. >> this is your campaign. please, everyone, we are main cal -- remain calm. i have important news. i have chosen a vice captain. her name is pam, and she's going to stay with us till the end! >> stephen: and fiorina was clearly honored to accept this important job that will never exist. >> i've come to know ted and heidi and caroline and catherine. i know two girls that i just adore i'm so happy i can see them more 'cause we travel on the bus all day

we get to play (audience reacts) >> stephen: it's like disney gave the wicked step-mother her own song. i know i know i know a girl named cinderella i'm gonna lock that girl in the cella (laughter) yes, of course, ted cruz isn't alone. all the candidates are starting to vet their potential vps. so for everyone out there on the short list, here are tips on how to be the most appealing running mate possible. this is stephen colbert's just the tip.

potential vps, my first tip, you have to prep for the state of the union where, as far as i can tell, the vice president's job is to blink, clap and occasionally stand up. so, to practice, just stare at a bright light in a room full of mosquitoes. (laughter) (applause) tip number two, you're going to want to attract a key voting demo, so consider having an hispanic last name. elizabeth warren, meh isabel juarren-tinez. si! tip three, as vice president you will be sent to places the president does not want to go.

costco on a sunday morning. how can that many people all need bulk cheese balls at 9:00 a.m.? finally, a scandal is terrible for any campaign, which means no skeletons in the closet. so try not to have done anything for the last 30 years, which will be good training for what you will be doing as vice president, which, again, is this -- we'll be right back with the cast of "the good wife"! (cheers and applause) and here we have 1893, from the makers of pepsi cola. i'm gonna smell it. i'm just gonna take one small sip... kinda seemed like more than a sip. 1893. bloldly blended colas.

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>> your husband did it did.

i (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody! (cheers and applause)

together for the past seven years on the on the good wife. please welcome julianna margulies, matt czuchry and christine baranski! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: juliana,, matt, christine, thanks for being here. does it seem like you just started? >> no. >> stephen: you could have been doctors at the end of this, seven years! >> actually, one of our

pierre, came up to me the second to the last day of shooting and said, ma'am, i'm taking the bar and i will be a lawyer. i have been going to law school this whole time, and he's been with us since day one. >> stephen: wow! that's incredible! >> yeah, and it made all of us look really bad. >> stephen: i'm still an actor -- >> actually, i have a daughter who decided to go to law school, went to law school, passed at the new york bar and practiced at the brooklyn d.a.'s office while i was doing the show. a lot of life happens in the course of seven years. >> stephen: did she ever say, mom, i do this for real. i have to know my stuff. does she ever correct you? >> no, i have to say, she had mired the show for its accuracy, though she did say cases happened way too fast, it happens in the course of three days on tv law, boom boom, you win the case in less than a week. >> stephen: what's it like to say goodbye to each other after

we're not saying goodbye. we're just going to be great friends for life. >> stephen: yeah, but you won't be together every day. >> at least we'll be drinking when we're together this time. >> stephen: that's right. there was no drinking before? >> not on set, dear god. >> stephen: well, all right. all right. i don't know, some sets are different than other sets. >> yes. >> stephen: did you ever have to just spit out things you had no idea what you're talking about? >> every day. i actually took the lsat before becoming an actor. i did so bad that i became an actor. true story. (laughter) i majored in history and political science at the college of charleston. >> stephen: great, very high girl-to-boy ratio with that college. >> why i went there. >> stephen: that's why a lot of guys go there. >> that and drinking. i took the lsat exam, did so horribly, became an actor and

than i ever newel take it again. >> i couldn't do any worse. >> stephen: the initial premise of the show, the show, you know, grew, was both a popular and critical success, and it broadened what it was about but initially it was about a woman who was the good wife of a husband who had cheated, a politician who had cheated on her. >> right, state's attorney. >> stephen: after looking back seven years, do you think that it's time for a woman to be a sleaze ball and a man to stand next to her? don't you think we've come far enough as a nation that a man would have to stand embarrassed next to someone? >> it would be a miracle. when we first started, i got the question would this ever happen if the woman was the one who was the politician? and when i started the show, i was a new mom and wife and doing 14 hours a day, and i looked and

>> stephen: don't have time to be sleaze balls? (cheers and applause) we'll get there some day, baby. >> i think it would be a wonderful thing to see. i don't think it would ever happen. women, we're too smart to do that. >> stephen: too smart? (applause) not too nice? just too smart to get caught? >> at least to do it and get caught. i mean, yeah, i do believe that women are a little bit above the level of taking a picture of things and tweeting them. >> it's just s& silly, so dumb to do that thinking you're not going to get caught. >> i agree. >> stephen: i do agree. i'm not acting. i'm honest about. this do young lawyers come up to

or i love the portrayal of lawyers that you do on the show? >> i have been incredibly overwhelmed, since we announced we were ending, the letters started flying in, and i've read over 200 letters about girls who started in college watching the show and now all have their law degree and they say because of the show. they didn't know what they wanted to do, then started watching and really loved the idea of going into law and making the world a better place and a lot are environmental lawyers and all these different facets they're going on but i had no idea that we influenced anybody to do anything except watch. >> my experience was slightly different. i had a naked man in a gym, actually in a locker room, come up to me and was very excited about the show. (laughter)

>> stephen: how excited was he? >> he was very excited. he was standing up and i was sitting down and -- >> stephen: okay. did you offer to spot him? >> i was very -- i didn't want to make any false moves. >> stephen: he said? i had no idea what he said. it was like the charlie brown teacher going wa, wa, wa, wa, you, thank you. >> stephen: but it seemed positive. >> highly positive. >> stephen: christine, do you get any free legal advice now that you have been a lawyer so many years? >> no, but at the emmy awards a law professor of a prestigious school said i was a role model for her students, that she considered me a role model which gob smacked me. i thought, how great. this show was so well written

wonderful way, strong women. (applause) >> there are two more episodes. this sunday, the following sunday, and that's it. >> and that's it. >> stephen: and we have a clip between you julianna and you, matt, this sunday's episode coming up. >> i don't think i've seen this. you didn't have to do that, cary. i never meant you any harm. >> you know what's amazing, alicia? after all these years working together, you still think i would come in here into a court of law and purger myself to hurt you. i was here to tell the truth. what are you here to do? >> stephen: that's cold. (applause) what are you here to do?

>> stephen: well, if you guys, like i said, you have been in college together, law school together the last seven years, if you're going to write something in each other's year books attend of this, what might you say? >> let's go out for martinis and a burger. >> stephen: okay, i wouldn't write that in a high school year book but yes. >> i had a guy who would run around and get to the year book and find the crack of the year book and he would say, "i just signed your crack, ha ha ha ha ," so i would have have to sign your guy's year book drag. but i would say thank you to all the cast and crew for making me a better person and actor, and i just signed your crack. so... (laughter) >> i'm going to find it very painful so say goodbye to people with whom i worked in the

years and i will say meet again until we work together again because the network of working actors, we always keep bumping into each other and you live in hope that it will continue. so i will just say, dot, dot, dot, to be continued. >> stephen: to be continued. (applause) well, hope we see you all here again. "the good wife" airs sunday night on cbs, two episodes left, everybody! we'll be right back! (cheers and applause) when a rear hatch remembers your height. when systems can help sense your surroundings. and when cameras change your perspective. that's the more human side of engineering. experience what a lincoln can do for you

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i can't reach it. if you have alligator arms, you avoid picking up the check. what? it's what you do. i got this. thanks, dennis! if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. growwwlph. it's what you do. oh that is good crispy duck. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my next guest is a five-team emmy award winning actor, he now stars in "dry powder" at the

please welcome hank hank azaria! (cheers and applause) welcome. >> thank you. this is a very nice theater. >> stephen: very lucky to be here. >> you are very lucky to be here. >> stephen: i'm lucky to have you. i'm a big fan. everybody knows you from the simpsons, apu and moe. you're also season four ray donovan, congratulations on that. >> thank you. >> stephen: and the hits keep on coming. you're also in "dry powder" at the public theater with our friend john cree john krasinski. >> the mayor of hollywood, pretty much. >> stephen: seems like a very nice guy. >> he's a lovely man. >> stephen: he is a very nice guy.

he's a very lovely man. >> stephen: yes, you seem like a lovely man, too. >> i get a little cranky, sometimes, too. >> stephen: i was told before you came out here it was your birthday, happy birthday. >> it was, yes (cheers and applause) >> stephen: gig big number? yeah. >> stephen: 50? 51? >> it's the deck of cards. the amount in a deck of cards. >> stephen: 52 pick up, okay. how do you feel about getting a little bit older? >> ah, you know, it's all right. >> stephen: yeah? you're very fit 52. >> i run around a lot and -- >> stephen: i've seen you with your shirt off. >> four years younger than i actually am. >> stephen: that wouldn't be bad. >> 52 wasn't so bad. i don't like the seven years. >> stephen: what do you mean? i didn't like turning 47. i'm late 40s.

46 you're mid. i'm happier being 52 than 47. i'm in my early 50s. >> stephen: for 50s you're great, for 40s you're on the down side. >> very old for the 40-year-olds. >> stephen: when you're 92, you're like, i'm in my early 90s. >> exactly. >> stephen: (laughter) everybody knows you from the simpsons. you're a master of so many different voices. did you know your entire life that you could do this? >> i have been mimicking ever since i can remember. i've said this many places -- i thought everybody could do that. i didn't realize it was a marketable skill until i was a teenager. >> stephen: before you were a teenager, you were doing this? >> always. >> stephen: who was the first person you were doing an impression of? >> mostly cartoon characters bugs bunny was my idol until i

mel blank, he became my idols. do you remember the tape recorders. >> stephen: yes. you had to press play and record likely hard? >> stephen: yeah. i would record myself and really entertain myself. my impressions could not have been that good when i was seven, but -- >> stephen: do you still have these tapes? >> i wish. no, i don't. >> stephen: your mom didn't keep them or anything like that? >> no. >> stephen: did your mom like your impressions? >> no, she didn't think it was that funny at the time. my mother was very dismissive. like, ah, very funny, take out the garbage. (laughter) >> stephen: your mom sounds like moe. (laughter) >> a little bit. my mother's more here, and moe is like if she smoked a lot. (laughter)

impression of your grandmother. >> i did. we're really trashing my mom tonight, as you're about to see. my father's mother who my mom did not get along with tremendously well, she sounded like this -- hello baby, hello honey, i love you, honey. and she used to show up a lot unannounced which is one of the things that made my mom not love her to death. so my mother would come home after i would get home from school and i would say, hey, momma, guess who i ran into downstairs, and i would go to the other room, hello, honey! i love you, honey! there would be a little pause and i could tell my mom was going, oh, god! hi, hi! and she would come in and see it was just me, and -- (laughter) yeah. (applause) >> stephen: as long as we're going to over all the different things you have coming up here. >> i have other jobs, too.

is going to do a series next year based on your great character jim brockmeyer. >> jim is a baseball announcer, a golden-throated guy from yesteryear. i don't know why they all talk like this, but they do -- (laughter) and they always have to call you by your full name, stephen colbert... >> stephen: you did you did a skit about him calling a game after his wife was found having sex with another man on their kitchen floor. >> that was not funny, but this is a little funny, this is a man who would prepare for a broadcast by having two shots of rye whiskey, and that die after seeing that, he had about 19

saying whatever occurred to him. his home run call became, hit to right center field, i can't see the ball. it's either out of here or lost inside my wife's big fat cheatin' (bleep)! (laughter) >> stephen: yeah. o your mother didn't want you to do this for a living, i don't know why! >> mom had a problem with that one. >> stephen: hank, thank you so much for being here. >> my pleasure. >> stephen: do you have anything big coming up this spring? you're doing something at tufts university. >> i'm commentsment speaker. that was my alma mater. >> stephen: a great honor! yes. >> stephen: do you have any preview? a message to the kids? >> i remember being bored to tears by my commencement speaker. so i think i'm going to give

characters. can i try? >> stephen: please. i think chief wiggum will tell them -- kids, alwayso bay the law, and if you don'to bay the law, don't get caught. if you do get caught and you notice the officer is overweight, don't run. yeah, it's unhealthy for the officer. you can have a stroke or -- one time i fell on my egun and it didn't go off, but i had a very strange bruise on my hip. >> maybe i should stop earlier in the joke. >> stephen: no, give the kids the bit were the sweet, that's all of life. thanks so much for being here. >> thank you. >> stephen: "dry powder" in the public theater. the great hank azaria, everybody, we'll be right back!

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(cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey, everybody! (cheers and applause) welcome back to "the late show." i take this job very seriously, and i know part of my job is i have to stay connected to popular culture in all its manifestations, and it's so hard to keep track of what's trendy these days. are bed bugs still a thing? god, i hope so. (laughter) and who better to show me the ins and outs of what's in and out than renowned designer and late show trend watcher isaac mizrahi! this is "the late show's in or out with isaac mizrahi "! isaac, welcome to "in or out with isaac mizrahi"! >> thank you, darling.

over at qvc? >> fresh! >> stephen: fashion as always. mm-hmm. >> stephen: what's with trends? >> i notice a lot of chokers, right. >> stephen: this year? yeah, a lot of chokers. >> stephen: is that in? totally. the other thing is denim head to toe. girls who work for you are not slouching on that trend. another thing i noticed, animal heads. >> stephen: really? very big this year. >> stephen: are they available? >> they're coming to, like, target. they will be coming soon. >> stephen: can i get them on q -- on qvc? >> on easy pay. and bangs. >> stephen: bangs? orry, no bangs. >> stephen: all right. contouring is out. >> stephen: that's the only thing that gives me cheekbones.

i know that breaks your heart. >> stephen: my gosh. you will have to get it all sucked out. >> stephen: crows feet? in, baby! >> stephen: in? absolutely. (applause) >> stephen: i'm set. okay. that's fantastic. okay. what's not on the radar but just over the horizon? >> there's one trend that's about to happen which i brought some models here. >> stephen: grease me right now. >> baby clothes worn as hats. first we have a gentleman called lava leer, and i love this! >> stephen: incredible. and you notice he has kind of a duck print thing going on? you can wear that -- where is that? >> stephen: where can i wear this? >> board room, like, you know, obviously the catwalk is fabulous, right, the aquarium. then we have celexa, and that speaks to me. >> stephen: what does it say? i am just about ready for solid food.

>> stephen: i look at that, i don't know where the head ends and the baby begins. >> have a drink, you will understand. >> stephen: thanks, celexa, isaac. (applause) are there any other surprising trends? >> i have a couple of quick ones. >> stephen: what's in? crutches. >> stephen: crutches? yeah, with strong eye makeup only. >> stephen: got it. andpaper, in. >> stephen: sandpaper is in? yes. >> stephen: will help with the crow's feet. >> the biggest one, nickels. >> stephen: nickels? yes. >> stephen: so surprising, are they hot right now? >> hot times five. >> stephen: you're kidding! this is something that's out, and will surprise you. >> stephen: what? car crashes! >> stephen: what! you're crazy! >> if you're going to do a car crash, do it in flats, not heels, that's all i have to say to you. >> stephen: somebody write that down. what's in -- i'm hearing a lot of buzz now about multiple

i'm going to bring someone out. is it bethesda. >> stephen: bethesda, come out here. >> it started with one lunchbox, and she looked so amazing and thin that we just kept piling on lunchboxes and it looked so right. >> stephen: what is in the lunchbox? they look heavy. nickels! hooray for nickels! i love it! >> who doesn't love it? >> stephen: do we love nickels? (cheers and applause) isaac mizrahi thank you! >> sure. >> stephen: isaac mizrahi what's in?

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a new memoir called "shoe dog." please welcome the creator of nike, phil knight. (cheers and applause) thanks for being here! welcome to the show. >> thanks. great for you to have me on. >> stephen: founder and still c.e.o. >> still chairman. >> stephen: of nike, a $30 billion a year company but from very humble beginnings, this company. >> very. >> stephen: how did it begin? how many years now has it been around? >> well, it started on the running track at the university of oregon where my old -- yeah, where my old track coach was always experimenting with shoes. i was a distance runner. he experimented with different shoes. they had a lot of good runners and he had me. he experimented with me. >> stephen: because you were

>> he didn't want to screw up the good guys. that planted a seed. i went on to the school of business at stanford and took a class in entrepreneurship and wrote a paper that the u.s. shoe market was dominated by german shoe companies. didn't make since to me they made shoes in germany. i thought why not in japan like the camera business. so i went to japan to call on a shoe company. i placed an order for samples and that was the beginning. >> stephen: what i have been told is the original waffle shoe is here. what is the significance of this nike shoe here? >> this put nike on the map. >> stephen: who the question signed the swoosh? >> a gask artist at portsland state university. we paid her $2 an hour. it's been easily worth it. but when we went public, we gave her 500 shares of stock, and she hasn't sold a single share and

>> stephen: oh, that's great. (applause) when you say waffle, it was literally made in a waffle, right? >> we had a discussion with the track coach that became my partner and said the runner shoe hasn't had a new outer sole in 50 years. he was thinking about it when he was driving back and his wife was making waffles and that was the start of the sole. just this last year the international inventors hall of fame made them a member of their hall of fame for the waffle sole. >> stephen: well, you have a new book called "shoe dog." what's a shoe dog? >> when i got in the business a shoe dog is basically a shoemaker, and they had a -- >> stephen: not a cob snrer. no, but the shoe dogs went through the generations and they had a way -- they figured out normal human being life expectancy will walk 275 million

part of their journey and part of their humanity, and i always sort of liked that story and became part of that business and considered myself a shoe dog. >> stephen: nike doesn't just make shoes and other apparel, it also makes stars because you were the first people to partner with someone, like michael jordan, seen here in the original air jordans, which we have right there. the original air jordans. >> the good luck was that david stern banned the color red on shoes. they had to be white or black in the n.b.a., so we ran an ad that said banned in the n.b.a. and the sales took right off. >> stephen: yeah, well, john over there has a pair on tonight, right now. the yellow and blue. still popular. >> you look great, john. >> stephen: i have not opened this yet but i have been told there is a special pair of nieblgies in there. >> yes, sir. basically, we wanted to give you something no other guest could give you.

that is the life of stephen colbert in a pair of shoes. >> stephen: mm-hmm. basically, we start with a sack that says 1964 which is the first year we had any sales for our company and was also meaningful to you. >> stephen: that's the year i was born. the year i started as well. okay. >> then here we have your life, which basically includes your mom and dad -- >> stephen: hold on. let's see. so there is the eagle from the old -- can you get a shot of this? the eagle from the old show. there's the "late show" with stephen colbert. there's me putting salt on the eagle because my mom sent me out with a salt shaker to catch birds. who told you that story? >> that was my favorite. >> stephen: i'm one of eleven children. nixon because i'm obsessed with him. here's j.d. salinger on the back

i hope you're prepared for a lawsuit from his estate. what is this? >> the press to which we thought was proprietary as well. >> stephen: will this make me want to exercise? that's the one thing i lack. >> i don't know if it will make you want to exercise but you will certainly exercise er? thank you so much, phil. >> thank you. >> stephen: shoe dog is out now! nike creator phil knight, everybody! we'll be right back schvment! (cheers and applause) blinds to go's new cascade shades. gentle diffused light when you want it. darkened privacy when you don't. modern elegance always. right now take 30% off our entire selection of beautiful cascade shades. let the sun shine in. or don't.

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blinds for life. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: that's it for the "late show." join us tomorrow when my guests will be anderson cooper. mark foyerstein, and gwen stefani. james corden is next with his guest, eric bana. good night! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org are you ready to have some fun. feel the love tonight. everywhere you go there is something happening. the "late, late show." . >> ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the district of columbia, give it up for your