show" with stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! whooo! it's hot! hey, everybody, up there. hey, over here, down there. hello, young man. what's going on, john? what's going on, marcus? welcome to the late show. everybody. that's nice. welcome to the late show. thank you so much, everybody. welcome one, welcome all. i'm stephen colbert, your host this evening. and there is huge news in the

right now the latest polls show that hillary clinton is tied with donald trump. that is amazing. isn't that amazing? right now, the exact same number of americans don't want to vote for hillary as don't want to vote for donald trump. it's completely-- it's very-- i don't know. does this mean-- i'm not sure what this means, what i am doing right here. but it feels right. ever since the damning f.b.i. report about hillary clinton's private e-mail ser c good. though the truth is she may have much better numbers hidden on her private server. we don't know. ( laughter ) and now, now, now she's in a dead heat, a dead heat with donald trump, even though in the key swing states of ohio and pennsylvania, and this is true, trump is currently getting zero percent support from black voters.

so obviously every poll has a margin of error, so it can actually be -3%. we don't know. at this point, they're matched absolutely perfectly even. at this point, the future of our country is basically, it's basically, it's a coin toss, okay, all right, so let's do it right now. let's figure out what it is going to be, heads, clinton, tails be trump. let's see who the next president is going to be, and... ( laughter ) ( applause ) i don't. all right. a little queasy, a little queasy. of course those polls might be about to change dramatically because donald trump, i don't know if you know this because you have been waiting to get in to the show. donald trump has made his vice presidential pick. yeah.

indiana governor mike pence and former speaker of the house, newt gingrich, a diverse group if you go by bowling ability. they're all over the map. but now trump has made his selection. >> breaking news from campaign 2016. cbs news has learned that donald trump has chosen the governor of indiana, mike pence. >> stephen: that's right. mike pence! and you can tell from the excitement in this room-- that is electric, you may know mike pence from not knowing who mike pence is. ( laughter ) but indiana governor mike pence is no stranger to headlines. headlines like, who is indiana governor mike pence? ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) now, it turns out when the story that trump picked him was being

so mike, if you are watching, surprise. going to be fun. it's going to be fun, i promise you. good choice. good choice. yay! pence. the question is, of course, why pence? well, trump has said for weeks now, he was looking for an attack dog. and the white-haired square- jawed pence might be just the ticket. as a matter of fact, we just got some footage of mike pence debating the demra take that! take that, medical family leave! hey. hey. thank you. i'm not sure if you are applauding that joke or you just love johnny quest so much. hey. though i got to say, trump may not let haji into the country. we'll have to see. no, it's true.

his policy, not mine. you know what i love? i love conspiracy theories. or do i? ( laughter ) only the illuminati know for sure. so right now i'm very suspicious about this footage from the international space station where you can see a white object traveling down heading toward earth moving pretty fast and just as it enters the earth's atmosphere, the feed cuts out, all right. this made a lot of noise t cover-up. but nasa claims the stream can sometimes be lost due to technical difficulties while live streaming from the international space station. oh really? well, what is more likely that a camera mounted on a space station orbiting the earth at five miles a second had a connection problem? or that aliens have invaded? it's occam's razor. occam, by the way, is the name of the alien race that will enslave us all eventually.

( applause ) that's what this was. that's what this was. i don't know if that's true but it seems like the simplest answer. now i have a lot of friends at nasa, and i will tell you exactly what is going on here, because i have the inside scoop. the inside scoop is, this is why the government cut the feed, it's-- ? ? ? >> stephen: i would like to apologize to nasa and i also want to thank the fine people of our armed forces, who keep this planet safe from... nothing, at all. now say hello to jon batiste and stay human, everybody! ? ? ?

>> stephen: hey, everybody. hey. hey, thank you very much. you're very kind. please. ( cheers and applause ) couple of orders of business. next week, next week we are doing shows live, all week long after the republican national convention. so you see it there, we make fun of it here, half an hour later. so please join us. and it is going to be a live show. we're going to be broadcasting from this spot from 11:30 to 12:30, so, i don't know who the sponsors of the show are, but my sponsors will be red bull and adderall, okay. i also want to share one other thing. there's a guy in the audience here tonight--

there, how long ago did this happen, sir? you actually ran into me in time's square. ( cheers and applause ) how long ago? how long ago was this in time square? >> eight months ago. >> eight months ago in time square. you ran up to my car. i had my window down and you thrust your head through the window and you-- you-- you did this. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: all right? that's a really good photo and your phone will be returned to you after security has a good look at it. thank you so much. thank you for being here tonight. i'll put that right over there. that's nice. you know, i forgive you. i forgive you.

you know, as a catholic i often ask myself what would jesus do to fill the next six minutes of air time? ( laughter ) well, obviously, for sweeps, he do the loaves and the fishes and walking on the water and raising of the dead. those are crowd pleasers, but after all i would like to think he would offer forgiveness for our sins. and that sounds nice. so i was wondering if i could examine my conscience with you, the audience. you won't tell anybody, right? >> audience: of course not! >> stephen: great. this is stephen colbert's "midnight confessions." ( cheers and applause ) standard disclaimer. i'm not sure if these are technically sins, but i do feel bad about them.

forgive me, audience, i once told my daughter i sold a bunch of her girl scout cookies at work, when i really just ate them in my car. ( laughter ) audience, audience, i'm not on facebook, but if i was, i still wouldn't care about your trip to italy. ( laughter ) i always get a little sad and panicked when they tell me my hamburger comes with a choice of ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) not only do i not blame my farts on the dog, but when the dog farts, i take credit.

sometimes, sometimes i wish i had more health problems, because the people in the pharmaceutical ads have more picnics than i do. ( laughter ) i tell kids that after he's done delivering presents every year, santa gives birth to next year's santa. ( laughter ) he's not fat, he's pregnant. ( laughter ) one of my biggest fears is eating something really healthy just before i die. ( laughter ) ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) when someone starts telling me about a dream they had, i start having a dream about punching them. ( laughter )

the mcdonald's' drive thru speaker, i pretend to yell at my kid in the back seat, so they don't know the happy meal is for me. ( laughter ) do you want the shake with that, billy? ( laughter ) when i get a full body scan at thrp hope the guy looking at the screen will give me one of these. ( laughter ) i once burned a boat just to collect the insurance money, and only later remembered that i don't own a boat. ( laughter ) forgive me, audience. >> audience: we forgive you! >> stephen: thanks.

for something like saying the line wrong that was in the prompter just now, tweet it to me with the hashtag late show confessions. we'll be right back with mr. bill maher. ( cheers and applause ) ? midnight confessions. ? ? poor mouth breather. allergies? stuffy nose? can't sleep? take that. a breathe right nasal strip instantly opens your nose up to 38% more than allergy medicine alone. shut your mouth and say goodnight, mouthbreathers. breathe right. ohhhhhweee! woah!

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these pants always smelled like yoga-aroma. i'd wash them, and it'd be back before i even got to class. finally, i discovered new tide odor defense. it eliminates the yoga aroma. so i can breathe easy with new tide odor defense. if it's gotta be clean, it's gotta be tide. ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight has been calling b.s. since 1993. please welcome bill maher.

>> thank you. >> stephen: i'm so glad you're back. >> now, why don't you put the chair over there? >> stephen: why? >> because we're entering on the wrong side for sitting down. >> stephen: really? >> i'm just-- >> stephen: that's how johnny did it. johnny came in over here and came across his desk and sat down. >> johnny who? i'm a millennial. >> stephen: my apologies! how are you enng are you enjoying it? pikachu! >> enjoying it, in i haven't tried it. >> stephen: i didn't have a question, i was just saying how much i enjoyed having you on. >> great, because i didn't prepare either. >> stephen: but i really did, the last time were you here, one of my favorite interviews i ever had or been a part of. like playing tennis with serena williams. you're a quick. >> i am a strong black woman. ( laughter )

i have heard that about you. now one of the things though, when you were here in november you said that trump was wearing off. >> he is. >> stephen: between now and november-- ( cheers and applause ) but now between, you said in november he was wearing off there had been no primaries and i said i wanted you to come back to serve you a big bowl of trump when he started winning primaries. and you doubted that that would happen. >> what a horrible thought. >> stephen: a bowl of trump. >> a bowl of trump is. >> stephen: you don't know what a bowl of trump is? >> i don't remember this. >> stephen: some trump steaks, do you want some trump steaks? uh-huh. a little trump wine. a little trump wine. something like that. ( cheers and applause ) and of course, something orange. something orange. do you want to? because he won. he won, you doubted he would win.

you find the place where you were right and the guest was wrong and then you invite them-- >> stephen: it's so rare, though. i got to celebrate the times that i am right. >> what i remember is that when everybody else said that donald trump was not serious about running for president, i always said no, i think he is. ( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah. >> that's what i remember. >> stephen: yeah. are you surprised at all that he got the nomination? >> i think everybody was surprised that he got the nomination. >> stephen: i was shocked, i was shocked he got the nomination. >> oh great, maybe you should eat that bowl. but maybe we shouldn't be. i mean, i had a guest on the show who was telling me that actually it is not surprising, because first of all, americans are not logical. >> stephen: no, we're very emotional. >> and he does not appeal to logic. i mean it's not about policy. it's about a feeling. and that feeling is that, you know who has gotten a raw break in america?

( laughter ) that's what he is selling. always like, hillary is playing the woman card, that card the women always play by being born female. >> stephen: but it's going to be great for the women, like never before. he's going to be great for the women and the blacks love him and he is going to win the latinos. he's going to win everybody. >> but i do take your point that we have not quite figured out how to defeat donald trump yet. and i think what we have to do is what they do in serial killer movies. ( laughter ) you know, in serial killer movies, the cops can never figure out how to defeat the serial killer. so they get another serial killer to work with them to figure out how to-- and that's what we-- >> stephen: who is the serial killer? >> we have to find another narcissistic billionaire. i'm thinking el chapo.

>> stephen: por favor, amigo. putin, putin might be a nice person. >> putin is a great ally of his. >> stephen: putin compliments trump, trump compliments putin, it's symbiotic. >> that is all he responds to. >> stephen: compliments. >> yes. >> stephen: have you interviewed him. >> stephen: trump. >> i thought you meant putin. i have not. when he sued me, he kept saying, "the reason why we have this feud is because i won't do hissh like i give a ( bleep ) if he ever did my show. ( applause ) >> stephen: a lot of people think-- a lot of people say, a lot of his critics say that donald trump is dumb. i don't think he's dumb, actually. he seems like a smart guy who is just using his smartness in a way that i don't agree with. >> he's smart in a certain way, i will give you that. i mean he never lost touch with his high school bully, you know.

he knows how to brand things. but that doesn't really make him smart. he doesn't know anything. he doesn't know anything. i mean, brexit was a big issue recently. they asked him about brexit, you know, brexit, right? >> stephen: big fans. big fans. big fans of the end of the world economy out there. >> well, they asked him about brexit a couple of weeks before it happened. and what? okay, sure, they had to define it for him. were. the idea that someone is going to be president and just learning things. he's like a baby with a mobile over-- brexit. >> stephen: fresh eyes. fresh eyes. ( applause ) >> not the way the country is supposed to work. >> stephen: were you on tv last week? did you have a show last week? >> no, we were off last week, that is why i am here. >> stephen: so were we. you have a show this friday. >> absolutely, sir. >> stephen: how do you begin to approach?

>> stephen: that's right. that's right. nicely done. nicely done. we have to take a little break. and when we come back, we'll talk about bill's show on friday, tomorrow. ( applause ) by iron & wine.) ? we all want what's best for our kids. introducing mcdonald's new chicken mcnuggets. made with 100% white meat chicken and no artificial colors, flavors and now no artificial preservatives.

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? ? ? >> stephen: ba friend, bill maher. bill, as i said, tomorrow friday, you've got a show live. "real time." >> i'm glad you reminded me, i've got to leave. >> stephen: exactly. well, wait a few more minutes, please. >> all right, i'm sorry. >> stephen: what are your thoughts on what has happened last week? it was one of sort of the saddest weeks on memory, given a change, many sad weeks we've had in this country and around the world. >> right. >> stephen: do you have any reflections on what happened last week? >> yeah, on both sides of it.

i'm a bit of a cynic. i think civilization is a mile wide and an inch deep. without the police on the job, you know, that movie "the purge," it would be that every day. without the police. >> stephen: i believe that there should be a social order and there should be some authority. >> right, and without it, you know-- >> stephen: not an anarchist. >> in two days would you eat my liver. ( laughter ) and it wouldn't be good for you. >> stephen: yeah. >> okay, so obviously any time anybody shoots a policeman, you know, it's just abhorrent. and you know, there's no ands, ifs or buts about it, so i don't condone it, but i understand it. i mean, you can only look at so many videos of shooting unarmed black people. i'm surprised it actually didn't happen before. so-- >> stephen: kennedy said famously that those who make peaceful revolution impossible make violent revolution

>> stephen: and black lives matter movement is trying to raise awareness of the fact that this has been going on for a long time and it comes, is paid attention to and then it passes. >> well, this goes back to, well, certainly before. but on tape, rodney king. rodney king was what, 1991? '92, something like that. i mean we all looked at that tape and we thought, "how can these cops get away with this?" you know, no matter what rodney king dle they got him on the ground and there are six guys whaling on him with a baton and somehow he gets off. i mean, there is something wrong here that has to be addressed. so obviously violence is wrong on both sides. but you know, i've been talking about police culture in this country for a long time. like i say, we all need the police. i think we respect them, but there is something wrong with police culture. and i don't think most policeman are bad people at all, or would do the things we see on tape,

line" mentality where they protect their own. and i think that-- >> stephen: do you think it's different now, do you think it's worse than it used to be or do you think that we just get to see some of the abuses of authority now? >> well, that's true too. we see it more. i certainly don't think it's any better. i think we just see it. and i think the police, kind of like the priesthood, they attract the wrong kind of people sometimes. sorry. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's all right. >> but it's kind of true. you knowme there's a lot of people who go into police work because they were the person who, when they were young, they had no authority. they were kind of losers and now they want to have the ability to lord it over people, you know. the police department cannot be revenge for high school. and we have to weed out-- >> stephen: are you thinking of a few people? or are you sort of painting with a broad brush there? >> we don't know. we don't know. but certainly, i've seen enough videos to know that there are

and yes, i do think that's a type of person who goes into police work. and by the way, you can eliminate that. there are psychology tests that you can take. why do you want to be policemen? i think most policeman want to do it for the right reasons. i think most do do it for the right reasons. but i also think that, you know, when they say it's a difficult job, it is a difficult job. that you volunteered for. you know. no one is conscripted into police work. you wanted to do it. it's dangerous, yes. on this side of the card that refers to us, you are protecting and serving. you're not there to protect yourself. >> stephen: that doesn't diminish in anyway the tragedy of what happened last week. >> did i say it does? >> stephen: no, but the implication of that when i hear that is that you have to expect that that is going to happen sometimes. >> no, i didn't say that either. i said i'm surprised that it hasn't happened before. you cannot shoot unarmed people

that's just the way it is. and i hope it gets better in this country. it should get better. and i don't want to see any more violence. but yes, i do think police culture has to change, to a degree. it's only been recently when we saw these horrific shootings and only recently that they even said, "well, you know, this was wrong." before that it was always, "they were doing it by the book." by the book? well, maybe you need a new book. >> stephen: there is some sense of-- >> so the funny part of the show is over. >> stephen: oh, this is all being edited out. none of this is going to make it to air, bill. we're going to stick with the pokemon jokes for all of this. so you know, we said earlier that it's happening on both sides. do you think there is a way that it doesn't end up being sides.

sense that there is a side. and that you have to be on one side or the other side. because i think that leads to another era of hostility. >> it shouldn't be sides, but it does have to start with the police stop shooting unarmed black people. and the police stop going for the gun immediately. again, it is a dangerous job. i'm sorry it is, but you volunteered for it. it's like a proctologist getting to the office and going, "oh my ( laughter ) ( applause ) when you're a cop, you're going to be looking at ( bleep ) all day. that is the job you signed up for. and the first time you are a little nervous, you can't just bam bam bam. so i don't get hurt. and again i don't think most cops do that. >> stephen: do you think they are trained into this behavior? >> i don't think they are

shootings where they fired, like, a lot of times, very close range. and didn't even hit the guy. spend some time at the range. >> stephen: or be a stormtrooper. ( laughter ) >> you know, i think what happened in this country is that in the late 60s, people called the cops pigs. which was very, very wrong. that was the mentality. and ever since then, we've kind of been trying to make up for that. and we put them on a pedestal. you know, we-- c criticize, you can't say anything. they're always heroes. well, they often are heroes but they are also human beings who are doing a human job. and again most of them i think like their job. because yes, you see some of the disrespect. and sometimes they are disrespected. but to be a cop is also has a lot of perks. a lot of people kissing your ass. a lot of free donuts. a lot of free stuff, you know. and that's fine. but that's the job. and i think most of them would

>> stephen: it's not a job that i would want to do. >> but that's why you didn't go into it. and they don't want your job. >> stephen: they might. ( laughter ) it's a nice job. i don't know who wouldn't want this job. it's a very nice job. i sit here, i talk to you, they pay me a lot of money. i was just drinking. >> you're right, i take that back. they would love to have your job. >> stephen: they would love to have your job too, because yours is once a week, that sounds really easy. ( laughter ) >> it's actually not. because i have to make it good. anay >> audience: oh! ( applause ) >> stephen: "real time" airs fridays on hbo and check out special convention episodes over the next couple of weeks. bill maher, everybody. bill, thank you so much for being here. ( applause ) we'll be right back. ? ? ?

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? ? ? ( applause ) >> stephen: hey, welcome back, everybody. my next guest played omar little on "the wire" and chalky white on "boardwalk empire." he now hosts a new show on viceland called "black market." >> let me ask you a question. you don't have to answer if you don't want to. did you ever steal a car for a joy ride? >> no. >> oh, you ain't no real jersey boy. you ain't never joy ride, never did a donut? >> no, i stole cars but it wasn't a joy ride. >> oh, you was one of those. >> i learned how to drive in a stolen car. >> seriously? >> yeah. >> you ever ride in a stolen car? >> oh, yeah, i have stolen a car or two. >> really? >> yeah. >> was it a pinto? >> no, no, one was a yellow taxi cab. >> did you return it? >> oh no, police stopped us on ninth avenue and 39th street. >> told them you were the passenger.

michael k. williams. ( cheers and applause ) ? ? ? >> stephen: thanks for being here. a lot of people here are very excited that you are here. huge fans in this building. obviously everybody knows you as omar-- ( cheers and applause ) omar from "the wire," chalky white from "boardwalk empire" but you have so much else going on right now, you've got the new show "black market." you are in "the night of," let's see, you are in the new "ghostbusters" movie this friday. ( cheers and applause ) you are in "assassins creed" coming this december. what-- >> i also work part time in accounting in h.b.o. i do a little, i do some promotions for them. i do it all. >> stephen: you are one of the

>> actually, man, you know, i've been blessed. you got to strike it while it's hot. >> stephen: playing omar, were you sort of, for a lot of people the breakout character of what is already a tremendous show. did that change your life, playing omar? >> it did. it put me on the radar a little bit. you know, it was my breakout role, basically, it definitely changed my life. but on a personal level it kind of grew me up. i equate my years with the cast my college years. i learned really the business from, financially how to manage my money better, how to, you know, how to ride a character out for a period of time. normally, you know, it would just be in and out guest appearance here, back to the drawing board. but omar got all this-- these five years to build. >> stephen: you got to develop the character. >> yeah. >> stephen: was it hard to let him go when that was over?

up until "the wire," you know, regular kid on the street. >> stephen: were you a performer before that? >> yeah, you know, background dancing, do my little stuff. >> stephen: background dancer. who for? >> i background danced for crystal water, technotronic, ginuwine, missy elliott, just to name a few. i used to boogie back in the day. but you know, the character of omar thrusted me into the limelight and you know, i was-- i had a very low self-esteem growing up, you know, high need to be accepted. corny kid, you know, in the projects. and so all of a sudden, omar got, you know, i'm like, you know, getting the respect, you know, from people that would have probably took my lunch money as a kid. so it kind of-- >> stephen: did you start to act like omar? did you want to be omar in any way? >> i couldn't be omar. i didn't have the balls.

got seven out of ten people calling you omar with all this, like, admiration. >> stephen: like people on the street would call you omar? >> yeah, you know, the lines got blurred for me. the lines of reality got blurred. >> stephen: i know the feeling, people call me stephen colbert all the time. that was a character i played. >> all the time. i want to be stephen colbert. >> stephen: i kind of want to be omar. i'd like to have those balls. well, let's talk about viceland and the new show, "black market." you're going all over the world. and meeting people who are sort of on the shady side of certainly pastimes. what motivated you to do this? why did you want to tell these stories? >> you know, in the beginning, i got a phone call from spike's office. and-- >> stephen: spike jonze. >> spike jonze, wants to meet you. like okay, we go meet spike jonze. basically he just offered me the job and i was like, well, you don't tell spike jonze no, but i honestly had not a clue what the heck they wanted to do with me. i was actually freaking out. like, what do they want with me, you know?

you know. >> stephen: like a form of journalism? >> it is. i have way too much respect for what journalists do, especially investigative journalists, when they go out there and really put their lives on the line and get the truth. i just have too much respect for that to try to just jump into it. so i was a little intimidated. and the first couple of episodes you see me trying to struggle, the o.c.d. actor in me, i have to learn my lines and look like i know what i am talking about. and that failed miserably. and i got a reality check. i said you know what, mike, let it go. you and i both know i'm talking to myself in the mirror. you and i both know you are not the sharpest knife in the drawer. so stop faking it. just go out there and let people see you learn. let people see you just ask the question. my mom always said the dumbest question is the one you don't ask. and i just went out there, just being me and letting the audience see me learn, see me get invited into the world. and it was an organic, it became real and that is where the magic

you got these moments that you can't plan for. that's "black market." i got to meet a lot of beautiful people. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, congratulations on the new show. >> thank you. >> stephen: congratulations on the new show. >> i also want to say, you know, on this journey, what you are going to see is i got to meet a lot of beautiful people. everybody is in pain. and you know, whether we're white, black, male, female, young, old, across the world, we were in capetown, london, liverpool, chicago, atlantt was one common thread. no one was proud of what they were doing, breaking the law and living below the poverty line. and if they had an opportunity, they would do better, you know. and that was across the line, everyone shared that sentiment and it just made me, it just, i don't know. i felt, i feel enlightened. it was a lot of darkness i saw, but i feel enlightened for having being given the opportunity to share people's

world right now, thank you for sharing these stories with us. ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you so much. >> stephen: "black market" with michael k. williams is on viceland. we'll be right back with a performance by parquet courts. stick around. thanks, man. ( band playing )

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crest [hd]. step 1 cleans, step 2 whitens. it's the whole package. no one's done this. crest - healthy, beautiful smiles for life. >> stephen: here now performing, "captive of the sun," ladies and gentlemen, parquet courts! ( cheers and applause ) ? ? ? ? my misophonia brought the faders up now ? she's a military grade in dolby surround ? around 5.1 cue the barking from the baritone ? conductor in the pit for the car honk duet ? half-tone harmony from the sewer ? rebel youth choir belt phrases even newer ? dump truck man drops the beat with trash cans ? call 9-1-1! we got therapy demands

got a first chair car crash ? pan the falsetto to smash the glass ? it's a drive-by lullaby that couldn't get worse ? a melody abandoned in the key of new york ? where nothing comes after i'm a pastime streamer ? hanging from the rafters i don't get out ? i don't have fun livin' like a captive ? of the sun ? so i got to put my shades on ride through the city as i get ? my escalade on going down the street that my ? reputation was made o going through the city ? put a parade on drop off the rooftop ? make my roof drop i got a half a shot ? with a tube top with some tube socks ? create, you ignore, do music, i do it all ? i got my hand in some cookie jars ? i do it all i took a chance ? and threw caution up in the wind because i've got nothing to lose ? but i got something to win

? it's about being a bomb or being a -- ? they say the fix is in guess what, no way it's done ? until then, we'll just be captive of the sun ? i sight read the chart clap the rocks into sand ? a 12-pass van on a pot-hole band stand ? got an oil-can hangover by default ? and trucks pave the roads with amphetamine salt come on ? skull shakin' cadence of the ? the rhythm of defeat repeating like a pulse ? marching on and static shout a retort ? to the melody abandoned in the key of new york come on ? where nothing comes after i'm a pastime streamer ? hanging from the rafters i don't get out ? i don't have fun livin' like a captive of the sun ?

>> stephen: "human performance" is out now! parquet courts, everybody, and bun b! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) fios is not cable. we're wired differently, which means we can fix things fferently. thanks for calling fios. this is ryan. you can't tell me this cord isn't in.

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>> stephen: that's it for the "late show," everybody. good night!

captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) ? are you ready y'all to have some fun ? feel the love tonight everybody's got to ? put a smile on it's about to be all right ? it's the late, late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the district of columbia, give it up for your