and now abc's "jimmy kimmel live"! >> dicky: from hollywood, it's " jimmy kimmel live" ! from " the martian," michael pena. the boston fish guys, and music from slightly stoopid with cleto and the cletones. and now, how are you, here's jimmy kimmel!

>> jimmy: very nice. thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. i appreciate that. i think i have a feeling i know why you're all so excited. today is national coffee day. did you know that? [ cheers and applause ] i tell you something, i tried a cup, it's pretty good. it really is. it tastes like a mixture of tea and cigarette butts. coffee for those who don't know is an ingredient in the milkshakes they serve at in honor of national coffee day millions of americans drank coffee this morning like we always do. according to a survey conducted by staples 37% of american workers cannot get dressed for work until they have a cup of which raises an interesting question. why is staples conducting

surveys about when we're getting dressed? i mean, aren't those perverts supposed to be selling office supplies? a bunch of coffee chains participated in free coffee day today. it was free coffee at dunkin' donuts. although you know every day is free coffee day if you just pretend your name is on the cup of whoever they call. happy coffee day. i guess there's a day for everything now. did you know tomorrow is national mud pack day. for real. grab a handful of mud and pack it in, you know? i'm glad you're in a good mood because today was a difficult day for me. this morning intel security released their annual list of most dangerous cyber celebrities. these are the people that if you search for names online there's a greater chance to get a link to a site with a virus or malware or some kind of criminal activity. last year i was the most dangerous person to search for. [ cheers and applause ] now i feel disappointed to tell

you this year i dropped all of a bummer. i mean, i'm still dangerous. sometimes on the weekends i go to costco without my membership card. trying to barge right in. according to intel the new most dangerous celebrity in the world is deejay armin van buuren. if you don't know who he is, up. whatever you do, do not look him up. country singer luke bryan is the second most dangerous celebrity. usher is third. and of all people, betty white finished eighth on this list. [ laughter ] how the hell i got beat by betty white, i have no idea. i tell you something. i have never heard of deejay the truth is except for the really big ones i've never heard of most of these deejays. i see billboards around l.a. for nightclubs in las vegas with these guys on them. i feel like i'm 100 years old. jeff. that's the deejay i know. we're going to play a game now

called deejay or microsoft word font? okay? now, the way this is going to work is i'll give you a name, you guess whether it's one of the top deejays in the world or a font that comes with microsoft word, okay? first up is eurostile. is that a deejay or a font? the answer is font. that's right. that's right. let's try another. this one is madeon. >> jimmy: you're very good at this. madeon is deejay from france. he's 12 years old. boy. all right. next is kaskade. what do we think? >> deejay! >> jimmy: i guess i'm the only one who couldn't know any of this stuff. and, yeah, that's deejay

kaskade. next up, luminari. how do we feel about luminari? >> font! >> jimmy: font, all right. and that is, yes, a font. the last one. and final name is rockwell. deejay or font? who says deejay? >> deejay! >> jimmy: who says font? >> font! >> jimmy: by the way, this is the worst crowd activity ever. who says deejay, who says font? well, you're all right. it is a deejay and a font. [ cheers and applause ] you wanted font humor, you got it. this is alarming but not a big surprise. the number of people getting injured using their phones while they're walking is skyrocketing. thanks to cellphones you're now far, far more likely to get in an accident on foot than you have been in the past. it's a real problem. as a matter of fact, a terrible thing happened just a little while ago. viola davis was on her way into

the show. you can see she's entering from our parking lot there. she's on her phone, texting and -- ouch. miraculously, she's fine and she [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] meanwhile, there are a lot of happen in russia but this is pretty crazy. police in the kurov region of russia are reportedly investigating apple because apple products have emojis of same-sex couples on their devices. like these are the emojis on the apple devices. i think they should be less concerned about the fact they're same-sex couples and more identical twins seem to be marrying each other. [ laughter ] they say these emojis violate a russian law against "promoting homosexuality to minors." if apple is found guilty they'd face a fine up to 1 million rubles, about $15,000 american dollars, which is about how much

apple made since i started this sentence. the russians are very anti-gay. in russia you're not allowed to use two eggplant emojis in the same sentence. did you know that? they're very hostile to homosexuals. you can see it in the advertising they do to lure tourists. >> attention homosexuals. if you are looking for a terrible vacation destination, russia has nothing you will like. you won't like our flamboyantly colorful architecture, you will hate our furry hats, and you will definitely not be interested in popular russian sports like figure skating and wrestling. and while you're not here, be sure not to look at the dancers in our bolshoi ballet. for gay people russia truly doesn't have it all. take it from our president. russia, straight. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

in america donald trump came out with his new proposal for a tax plan yesterday. just like a real presidential adorable. trump has interesting ideas. very rich which doesn't include him because he's very, very rich. also under president trump you won't have to pay any income taxes if you make less than $25,000 a year, you won't pay taxes if you and your spouse make under $50,000 a year. illegal mexican you won't pay any taxes at all, no matter how much you make. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's here legal. every politician comes out with his or her own plans and proposals, but i wonder if voters pay attention to the specifics of those plans. it seems to me most people pick a candidate and go along with whatever that candidate says. so today, armed with a new trump tax plan, we went out on the street and found people who claim to support hillary clinton for president and asked those

people about her tax plan. but what they didn't know is the tax plan we presented them with is not hillary clinton's, it's donald trump's. and let's find out how they liked it. >> are you a hillary clinton >> yes, i am. support her. >> i'm a hillary clinton supporter. for one, it's definitely time we >> i think a female president would be a great idea. >> i sure am. >> what about donald trump? >> next? >> you don't support donald trump at all? >> i do not. >> would you be able to support anything about donald trump? >> in short, no. >> donald trump, nah, not so much. >> i feel cold towards donald trump. >> you wouldn't support donald trump? >> no. >> okay. and would you support hillary clinton's plan to cut the corporate tax rate from 35% to 15%? >> i would be -- i would be -- i think that's a good idea. >> do you support hillary's plan to eliminate the estate tax?

>> to you support her plan to eliminate taxes for those who make less than $25,000 a year? >> i would support that, yes. >> do you support her plan to eliminate the alternative minimum tax? >> alternative minimum tax, yeah, i support that. >> do you support her plan to eliminate the estate tax? >> yes. >> and what would you say if i told you these are all donald trump's proposals? >> i would say he's a pretty smart man. >> i would say i feel stupid. >> i would say that that's shocking, but i mean, if it is, i'm still not voting for donald trump. he's a caricature. >> what if i told you those are all donald trump's policies? >> i wouldn't believe you. >> they are. >> well, i support donald trump then. >> what if i told you those are all donald trump's policies? >> oh, god. i hate him. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: none of us deserve to vote.

i don't know if you know this, if you watch this on tivo rewind because there's a very fat spider-man in the background. i'd like to talk to him tomorrow, okay? i think you will enjoy this, if you haven't already, this is a video that went viral of two men fishing near graves light station in boston harbor. i've watched it now many times. if that video of the pizza rat embodies the spirit of new york this video i think captures the >> holy [ bleep ]. look at this [ bleep ] thing. oh, my god. what the [ bleep ] is that? gee, what the [ bleep ] is that? >> look. it's a baby [ bleep ] whale, man. holy [ bleep ]. we are witnessing a baby [ bleep ] whale right here, dude. stop. here it is, right here, jay. thing. holy [ bleep ]. what is that [ bleep ] thing? >> that's a big flounder. >> if that's a flounder, man,

that's a tuna, bro. >> no, no. >> that's a tuna or something. come on. >> it's a flounder with the fins. jay, let's pull it in, dude. look at that [ bleep ] thing. oh, my god. jay, that is still good meat on that [ bleep ] fish, jay! holy [ bleep ]. thing, jay. what is that thing, dude? oh, my god. look at this thing. oh, my -- look at this [ bleep ] thing. we got to call the aquarium or something, dude. what the [ bleep ] is that? >> jimmy: good will fishing. i would love to take those guys to the aquarium. we're going to take a break now. when we come back mikey and jay, the guys from that video are standing by. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by columbia sportswear.

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1 test message test text1 underline test text1 italics test te >> jimmy: welcome back to our show. viola davis, michael pena, and music from slightly stoopid on the way. i mentioned before, two fishermen from the boston area have caught not only a giant fish but the attention and admiration of all the world. for those of you just tuning in this is just a bit of their big catch. >> holy [ bleep ]. >> look at this [ bleep ] thing we've got here! oh, man! holy [ bleep ]! this is going on [ bleep ] 25 news tonight. holy [ bleep ]! look at you [ bleep ]. oh, my god, jay, look at him. he's trying to get away. >> what kind of fhsh is it? >> who the [ bleep ] knows.

it's moby dick. >> jimmy: all right, gentlemen. from massachusetts on our big cisco screen, please say hello to mikey bergin and jay foster. >> what's up, jim? >> jimmy: what's happening? >> oh, man. this is crazy, huh? >> jimmy: this is pretty crazy. you guys were out on a boat and now here you are on television. >> yes. can you believe this [ bleep ]? >> jimmy: well, i enjoyed your video immensely. you look exactly as i imagined you would. [ laughter ] exactly. >> i sound like a bum! >> jimmy: how do you guys know each other, first of all? >> we grew up in the same neighborhood. >> we've known each other for 30 years. >> jimmy: oh, all right. wow. who spotted this fish first? >> this meathead. he thought it was a turtle. >> did you really think it was a turtle? are there turtles out there that you've caught before? >> we never caught a turtle, but we had no idea what it was.

it could have been several >> jimmy: had you ever seen anything like that before? >> we never seen anything like that. >> absolutely not! >> jimmy: let's go through some may have been. besides turtle you thought maybe it was a baby whale, you thought maybe it was a flounder, a tuna, a sea monster. >> i was hoping it was a tuna! imagine the money we would have got? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. you would have gotten a lot of money for that. are there tuna in that area? >> yes. >> jimmy: there are. okay. so it could have been a tuna. turned out to be a sunfish, yes? >> it was a sunfish. >> imagine that [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: those are not good to eat, the sunfish? >> no, no. >> not for us. >> chinese eat them. that's about it. >> jimmy: we don't typically eat them here in the united states? >> no. >> no. >> jimmy: you guys released the fish, right? >> oh, yeah. absolutely. >> yeah. >> that fish dove like eight

feet. we seen it go -- swim away. >> jimmy: it swam away happy, okay. how long was the fish on? how long did you have to reel it in? >> we didn't reel it in. we kept pulling around it with the boat. [ laughter ] is it attached to a rope? >> no. >> no. we snagged it with a fishing line out there. but it snapped quick. the water. and mikey kept saying go back, go back. i didn't want no part of it. i didn't know what it was. >> the fish run! this kid became a man. >> jimmy: i'm just going to say right now i'm in love with the both of you. >> and we love you, dude! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know what, i would love it if you guys hosted "shark week" or something. wouldn't that be good? i'm going to work on that. >> see some [ bleep ] i ain't never seen before! >> jimmy: i know it has nothing to do with the fish, but what do you think about tom brady? what are your thoughts on tom

this season? >> oh, we love tom brady. >> jimmy: you do, yes. what do you think about the -- what do you think about the commissioner of the nfl? >> sucks! >> he sucks. >> you suck, roger goodell! >> jimmy: i also think if they do another dvd of "planet earth" you guys would be great narrators for it. >> oh, man! >> jimmy: i tell you what. we'd love to see more of you guys. would you be willing to come out to california? >> whoo! whoo-hoo! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: but i don't want -- i don't want you guys going all hollywood on us. we have to keep it real. okay? >> oh, man. we're straight up real. boston, by far. >> jimmy: all right. hey, is that -- are you selling those shirts, the "it's a tuna, bro"? >> we are. >> he looks like a big tuna, don't he? >> jimmy: it's hard to tell.

he looks more like a sunfish to me. thank you, mikey and jay. it was great talking to you guys. i hope to see you again very soon. >> thanks, jimmy. >> thank you, jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mikey and jay. we've got a good show tonight. music from slightly stoopid, from "the martian" michael pena, be right back with viola davis! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of " jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by sam adams. delicious oktoberfest, get it while it lasts.

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>> jimmy: tonight, from the new movie " the martian" which opens friday, michael pena is here. then, from down south in san diego, their latest album is called " meanwhile, back at the lab," slightly stoopid from the samsung outdoor stage. tomorrow night we will be joined

by an american treasure named don rickles, dr. ken jeong will join us, and we'll have music from kelsea ballerini. and thursday night, ll cool j, kate mara, and music from andra day. so please join us. two sundays ago our first guest added yet another trophy to an already burdened mantel to win the emmy for outstanding lead actress on a drama series. her show " how to get away with murder" airs thursdays at 10:00 on abc. please welcome viola davis. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> very good to see you. >> jimmy: by the way, you recover quite rapidly from bus accidents, i have to say. >> yeah. yep. i have good dna. >> jimmy: it even scared me when i saw it. >> yes. it scared my hairstylist. she screamed. with food in her mouth. >> jimmy: even though you were sitting there right next to her. >> yeah.

>> jimmy: how are you doing? the last time i saw you you were on stage accepting the emmy award. [ cheers and applause ] i think a great accomplishment. really not just because you won the emmy, in a very tough category. network television. which nowadays is a very >> it is because there's so much you can't do on network. even with the sex you can't show breast. you can't show -- which i'm grateful for, by the way. i said the only thing you can show on me is my feet. so there's so much you can't do. >> jimmy: you're stopping every like 11 minutes for a charmin commercial, also. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it changes things. >> you need those sponsors. >> jimmy: that's right. were you working today? were you getting away with murder today? >> i was getting away with murder today. yes. i got here at 3:15. my life, it's just crazy. i was working, yeah, the morning after the emmys. >> jimmy: you were? the very morning after.

>> didn't know any lines. >> jimmy: really? >> i mean, i was like, okay, i'm going to suck. but then i don't know my lines. >> jimmy: how do you handle that? how do you handle that when you don't know your lines? >> i go, you know, this is not working for me. you know? the writers while you buy a >> yeah. i learned that at juilliard. you know? >> jimmy: that's funny. has there ever been a situation when you didn't know your lines before? >> there's been a situation where i have not known my lines. and there's been a -- the most prominent situation is when i was doing "doubt" and meryl streep kept screwing up one line. she just completely forgot it. and i was thinking -- >> jimmy: she's the worst, yeah. >> yeah. [ laughter ] how do you tell meryl streep that she's forgotten her line. you do it telepathically. you know? forgot the line! >> jimmy: but she's so nice you probably -- >> we just screwed up the scene again and again and again. the director is, why is it not

lines! >> jimmy: do you find that as you become more and more successful and you have more accomplishments under your belt other actors are nervous about doing scenes with you? >> yes. >> jimmy: you do? >> i do find that to be the case. and i always tell them, please do not be nervous because if someone is going to screw up it's going to be me. >> jimmy: and that generally relaxes them? >> it generally -- no. >> jimmy: no, it doesn't. >> it doesn't. it doesn't. until i screw up. >> jimmy: can you tell if they're nervous about being there with you or just nervous in general about acting in front of people? >> no, you can't tell -- let me tell you something. people always ask me, so how did the scene go, viola? how was so-and-so in the scene? i'm not looking at so-and-so. i'm worried about me. it's about me. it's always about me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: you made a great speech at the emmys. is that something you enjoy? i imagine you prepared that beforehand. >> i did prepare that. now, there were two quotes i could go with. i said if i go with the harriet tubman they may think it's militant. or i could go with the other quote but they may be confused. let me go militant. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: not really militant. >> it's not really militant, you know. but i just thought that that moment was bigger than me, you know. it was bigger than just an actress winning, you know, in that category. it was the first time an african-american woman had won in that category. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a big deal. and it's you. >> yeah. i lost a miss central falls recreation contest when i was 6. and that literally dictates my entire life. >> jimmy: what was the miss central falls recreation contest? >> every year at central falls in jinx park, literally i was

the difranco family. >> jimmy: and? >> and i peed in my pants. with my finger in my mouth. can you imagine? with snot dripping down my nose. there you go. i was 6 years old. it didn't work. you know? >> jimmy: wow. that stuck with you? do you remember who won that competition? >> michelle bradshaw. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and she -- and she's blonde. >> jimmy: you really stomped her i hope she was watching when you >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is viola davis. "how to get away with murder" is the show. we'll be right back. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" brought to you by columbia sportswear. gear that's tested tough in the

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cc1 test message test text1 underline kill your husband? >> i will not stand for this, your honor. i have the utmost respect for your court but not these speculative, antagonizing questions. >> as if i have any choice. >> the point of this hearing is to present evidence, not against me. if that is the case, please charge me with my husband's murder. i'm guessing that has not happened due to lack of evidence. your strategy has been to attack me with accusations making it clear that this is not a preliminary hearing but a witch hunt. i did not put my hand on this court's bible to be burned at the stake and especially by an petty, foolish, amateur prosecutor who doesn't deserve mine or anybody else in this court's respect.

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: viola davis, " how to get away with murder." that you had memorized, right? you didn't have a cue card or anything. >> no, but my lips kept getting in the way. >> jimmy: we're one episode into the season. and there are many, many things going on. you guys started with a bang. >> yes. >> jimmy: yes, yes. you have a new love interest. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's a woman. >> yep. >> jimmy: yep. how do you like that? >> um, listen, like i said, i'm not comfortable with any sex scene. but i just don't want my mom seeing it. so what i'm doing is every thursday night i give her money to go to the casino. >> jimmy: oh, really? [ cheers and applause ] she goes? >> she goes to the casino every single night. but this thursday especially she

will be going to the casino. my mom literally -- that's her job, to go to the casino. that's work. >> jimmy: she's a professional gambler. >> she's a professional gambler. in fact, i called her about a year ago and she said, viola, someone stole my wheelchair. i said, how could they steal your wheelchair? she said, i was at the casino playing the slot machine. you know the egyptian slot machine. i turned around and the wheelchair was gone. i'm like, are you freaking kidding me? this thursday she's going to be at the casino. >> jimmy: is it possible -- i don't want to cause any trouble here. is it possible that your mother sold her wheelchair to get money to gamble with? [ laughter ] >> you know what, it's possible. >> jimmy: how do you get her to actually go on thursday, like why wouldn't she just kind of save the money and go on friday and stay home and watch you? >> because you have to western union it by 3:00 p.m. l.a. time. >> jimmy: wow.

>> and she will get the money and it will be there. trust me. she will get the money, get that money control number. because there's a money transfer control number on western union. and by 4:00 she's there. >> jimmy: send the money directly to the casino? >> you know what's funny. >> jimmy: what? >> i've done that. >> jimmy: you have done that, yeah. it's a good way to make sure she goes. >> yeah, absolutely. >> jimmy: and there's no dvr in the house, right? >> oh, my god, there's no dvr. she wouldn't know how to operate a dvr. >> jimmy: you do have all the bases covered? >> yes. >> jimmy: did she watch the emmys? or was she at the casino that night? >> she watched the emmys. >> jimmy: you let her stay home for that. >> she fell on the ground. she was crying and all of that. >> jimmy: yeah. she doesn't have a wheelchair anymore. [ laughter ] viola davis, everybody. " how to get away with murder" airs thursday nights at 10:00 p.m. on abc.

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cc1 test message test text1 underline >> jimmy: still to come, music from slightly stoopid.

"ant-man," "crash," " american hustle," and " million dollar baby." now he's an astronaut who wisely abandoned matt damon in space in herewith new movie "the martian." >> we're at ten degrees. >> hey, we might be able to keep the mav from tipping. >> watch out! >> commander? >> warning. >> we are at 10.5 degrees, tilted to 11. >> copy that. if it tilts, you launch. >> do you really think i'm going to leave you behind? >> it's an order, martinez. >> jimmy: "the martian" opens friday. please welcome michael pena! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> how you doing, brother? >> jimmy: i'm doing well. i really enjoyed the movie. you got stuck on the ship while on mars. is that a bummer as an actor? >> they're just trying to save

you know how it is. >> jimmy: yeah. >> seems like a lot of movies money. is this like "saving private ryan" in space? >> jimmy: not in my house they don't. i tell you that. the nice thing was once you left him on mars you didn't have to with him face-to-face anymore. >> not so much. the other crew members are like, i think we should save him. i'm like, uhhh, you sure? >> jimmy: as an actor when you astronaut, is that as exciting as it gets? >> no, immediately i looked up how many mexican astronauts are [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how many? are you the first one? >> maybe just like, you know, maybe just in movies. whatever. i'll take the credit. i don't care. >> jimmy: i think there have been mexican astronauts. let's go to our expert on this. guillermo? have there been? >> guillermo: yeah, one. >> jimmy: there was one mexican astronaut? >> did you say juan? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it seems like you should know that. you might want to do some research on that one for the

>> no, i'm the only one. >> jimmy: now you're shooting the movie "chips" with my friend. >> "chips." >> jimmy: so dax shepard is going to play -- >> john. i play ponch. >> jimmy: do you ride a motorcycle? >> i do now. >> jimmy: you do now, okay. >> it's different. >> jimmy: dax rides a motorcycle regularly. >> he can ride. like, he can ride. and i -- you know, i got into motorcycles. i had to do motorcycle training. i got to do some. i'm not as bad ass as i thought i was. >> jimmy: you're not? >> know what i mean? because when you get on you're like, oh, man, i got this. literally like, i had somebody like video me. it's the slowest riding that you possibly have. i got a kid so i'm like, man, i could die on this, man. i'm like, no, i'm glad that tmz or something didn't -- >> jimmy: that's not very ponch. it isn't. >> literally, it's the slowest circles. i'm like, eh? i sent the video to dax, i'm not impressed.

>> jimmy: do you remember on "chips," though, if you recall, they would just have a shot of them and there would be like the background was a movie screen behind them and they were pretending to ride their motorcycle. >> i know. it's like that bad driving like in old movies, they're on motorcycles. yeah. i'm like, nobody does that on a motorcycle. nobody rides a motorcycle like this. not even in slalom. >> jimmy: they're just trying to do something. >> yeah. i'm looking at the wide shot, are there any cones. what's up? >> jimmy: i'm interested to see what your approach to this movie is. will it be comedy, will it be a mixture? >> if it's dax shepherd, there's going to be a little comedy. that's for sure. i got to work out for that. >> jimmy: are you working out for this? >> i mean, you know. constant diet right now. i'm eating less than 2,000 calories. i was slightly overweight. i don't know if you guys can relate to that. >> jimmy: you are -- >> i'm sucking it in even more. >> jimmy: -- the same role -- [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: you look good. you're playing the same role that eric estrada had. he had a 22-inch waist at the time. >> 22-inch waist. it was like, yeah. nonexistent. it was like a doughnut. that's how big it was. >> jimmy: like no cop you ever see in real life. >> my brother is a cop, too. so i understand. >> jimmy: speaking of doughnuts, what are you eating now? are you on a special diet and all that stuff? >> doughnuts. >> jimmy: doughnuts, yeah. >> i'm just kidding. i'm eating like just grass and rocks. just mad all the time. like a dog. i'm like a dog. >> jimmy: how long has this been going on? >> it's been going on for like 2 1/2 months. >> jimmy: oh, my, really. >> i dropped 20 pounds. which means i had -- i had some good cushion. never cold. >> jimmy: you have -- you have a trainer that you're working out with? >> yeah, this guy arin babaian. >> jimmy: what's his name? >> arin babaian. he's from jersey. he trains channing tatum, too. if i ever try to puss out or

happens, i'm up in age. >> jimmy: by the way, last night now that you say that, dr. phil was here. and he's also working with that trainer. >> babaian, yeah. >> jimmy: when your trainer tells you i work with channing tatum, you also work with dr. phil. so let's not go crazy. right? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> but it sounds like motivation though. if i'm trying to puss out or whatever, man, i think i'm good, dude. i just threw up a couple of times. i think we should call it. "channing wouldn't call it." "magic mike did pretty good, you know?" i'm like -- it's just an elliptical. not even hard running. like another five minutes. come on! okay, man. if you really think so. this will get me the oscar. >> jimmy: really, it's the same way you're going to be driving that motorcycle. >> exactly. >> jimmy: wow, this sounds like fun.

it is fun, right? the whole thing is fun. >> i get paid to wear makeup, man. what's up? so do you. >> jimmy: come on, man. that's not cool. sometimes when i am wearing -- getting makeup put on, one of my kids will wander into the room. i always think, boy, if i walked in on my dad putting makeup on, i don't know what the hell i would do. >> exactly. it's like, does dad have secrets? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: daddy does have some secrets. hey, last time you were here you mentioned your brother. how many brothers do you have? >> i have one but he probably takes the room of two. >> jimmy: he takes the room of two. you mentioned your brother -- >> no, because of his personality. >> jimmy: he's a character. >> and his charisma. >> jimmy: what does he weigh? >> he weighs less than me. >> jimmy: he does. how is he doing because he seems like a real character. >> he's doing great. oh, man, i still, no matter

what, i'm doing "chips," oh, man, that's cool, mike. you're pretending to be a cop. and he's a cop. just don't forget, you know, i do it for real life. he's always going to be my big brother, man. i can't win with that guy. >> jimmy: you never get around that. it's very good to see you. the movie, matt damon aside, the movie is really great. it's called "the martian." it opens friday. it's michael pena, everybody. we'll be right back with slightly stoopid. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is

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[ cheers and applause ] i never thought too much on wealth to let me keep it for myself but while the world's been turning upside-down it's hard to talk about another bottle off the shelf with the hand that you've been dealt what's going wrong been going on it's time for

and i ain't no prophet to cure some damn disease and would you help me anyway if i was on my knees i'm going through my time of change in my time of and every little thing is gonna be all the same i never thought too much on wealth to let me keep it for myself but while the world's been turning upside-down it's hard to talk about another bottle off the shelf with the hand that you've been dealt what's going wrong's been going on it's time for you to scream and shout >> get your hands up in the air. i went to the corner store to get myself a bottle of beer i was rollin with a friend of

i always knew that i wanted from the start was a reason just to get out late drinking early was a dream for the summertime music and my seed mary jane i never thought too much on wealth to let me keep it for myself but while the world's been turning upside-down it's hard to talk about a bottle on the shelf with the hand that you've been dealt what's going around has been going on it's time for you to scream and shout

wrong shout you know it's time for you to scream and shout