>> historically what we have seen, new hampshire can affect other primaries. there have been a number of polls where bernie sanders go head-to-head with clinton, and in almost every case as of late, sanders does better against republicans then clinton. what you saw here tonight is that independence can participate in democratic primary processes, and it is critical for a democratic candidate for president to be able to have the support of independence. reid: hillary clinton has to be feeling a little bit of fear at this point. a statistical tie in iowa and 40 points behind here. a big landslide victory here tonight for the bernie sanders campaign. >> we are doing our own thing in the clinton campaign is going to do whatever it wants to do. we are going to stick to the

he has talked about the issues that affect the real people' s lives, you know, bread and butter, kitchen table issues. reid: he has a meeting tomorrow morning at sylvia' s restaurant, famous in harlem, with the reverend al sharpton. he needs to court that african-american vote. in the southern states, the black vote leans in favor of hillary clinton. >> reverend sharpton is a highly respected leader in the african-american community. we have seen a number of african-american leaders joining bernie sanders' s campaign. senator nina turner, who is a well-known african-american woman from ohio who has a national profile who has joined the campaign, the rapper killer mike , cornell west, as you may know, have been campaigning for senator sanders, and a dozen of

carolina, keith ellison, the cochair of the house progressive caucus of african-americans, a congressman, you know, all have come to support bernie sanders' s campaign, because of the lyrical revolution that he is calling for is one that will uplift all people of all races in this country. reid: you are under way to get ready for another debate, which is on the 11th, a couple days away. jeff weaver, thank you very much for your time, we appreciate it, and congratulations as you move forward. that is the story here from concord high school gymnasium which will be back to a gymnasium here in a couple of hours. i am reid lamberty, thank you. maria: with basketball hoops that bernie sanders, right after he was declared the winner, the projected winner, decided to play some hoops with his grandson. ed: perfectly natural. it really fits great. the stories tonight are all easily with trumpet sanders, but

headquarters tonight, and mary, that might be story number two. mary: that is definitely going to be story number two, and they john kasich campaign has been saying quietly all along that they absolutely had to focus on new hampshire, and they proved that they had your ground game out here and that they worked hard and that they got 106 town meetings. think about that. he was packing them in. you know that he is articulate, he talks about the issues, he talks about tough questions, and it paid off tonight in new hampshire. mr. kasich: hillary, you only need it this much in south carolina, that it is not working here. it is not working here. and it is not going to work your in new hampshire in the fall because i am coming back.

mary: so john kasich is already looking ahead to south carolina. that is going to be a tough estate for him and i will tell you why, because the powerhouse of that state is lindsey and he has thrown his support fully behind jeb bush. in fact, john kasich hasn' t touched down there yet, and jeb bush is campaigning against him, saying he is too moderate and he is not conservative enough for the gop. take that for what you will, and he has got to turn the dollars coming in from this win very quickly into advertising and ground game in south carolina and nevada. back to you. we live in a quickly tearing down ballroom here in new hampshire. maria: and let' s heard over -- let' s head over to janet wu in the hillary clinton

janet: the clinton campaign really never expected to win new hampshire. at least not in the last few weeks. they were trying to prevent a big loss. here is what to look for from here on in. number one, her campaign already said tonight that she is going to sharpen her message and narrow her issues. after all, she does know that bernie sanders' s message is working. ms. clinton: when people anywhere in america are held back by injustice, that demands action. that is why i believe so strongly that we have to keep up with every fiber of our being the argument for, the campaign for human rights, human rights as women' s rights, human rights as gay rights, human rights as

across the board for every [applause] see very quickly if her plan on changing will work because she is going to go face-to-face with bernie sanders on thursday in wisconsin. that will be their first debates is new hampshire and she is heading to new york at this hour do. reporting live from new hampshire, janet wu. ed: janet, forgive as, we know that you are outside right now, but we have a question. or give the sports analogy and the boxing analogy, what is hillary clinton on the ropes right here? is she on the ropes? janet: well, i have to tell you, i think they know that they have to adjust fairy, very quickly, because they left new hampshire with a very narrow victory in 2008, and they thought they were

the nomination. so they know they are in trouble right now and they have to rethink their strategy not only in the eggs states but also in the small states, and they are going to have to go after bernie sanders in areas that he might think are unnatural or are naturally in his column. and for them not to go after anything at this point would be a big mistake and i think their knowledge that. always, janet. it' s go up to new hampshire heather unruh who is standing by with some analysts there, and quite a night. lot of people predicted, heather. heather: i' m with pat griffin and steve marsh and -- steve marshan. no one thought this huge victory. >> we knew where this was going to go, but we have seen it in

there were two front runners who absolutely would run away with this thing. it changes both the complexion of the race because other than those two front runners who kind of blasted out front, we don' t know where this is going to go. on the republicans are, we still have a group of candidates. the question is, who drops out and who moves forward? we know at least one candidate is reassessing and i am thinking after we, we will see another reassessment. heather: chris christie is going home and he is taking a breather and he is reassessing. >> that' s right, and they are almost in there trying to figure out how to get delegates. heather: will some of them even had to the race in south carolina? >> i think we will see one drop out before south carolina, i think governor chris christie might do that. after south carolina, we will see another one or two folks.

certainly for ted cruz, maybe jeb bush, and i don' t know what marco rubio does, but it could be a long, extensive process. heather: we have a number of exciting weeks ahead of us with these primaries. but let' s talk about exit polls. >> i had to be this three times because this typo graphic good. [laughter] >> so for a small percentage of democratic voters, they said the number one issue for them was honesty and integrity and that' s who they voted for, was bernie sanders. 93 to 5 with bernie sanders and hillary clinton. that is the biggest gap i have ever seen in the exit polls. bernie sanders' s entire rand incredibly sort of refreshing, bluntly honest, it is the grandpa next door a little bit,

hillary' s weakness, it is working for burning -- for bernie. think about what she did, she was on the mat and done in 2008, and barack obama surprises her and it became the most epic 50 state primary process ever. nobody works harder and nobody is tougher and that is part of her brand and the best part of her brand. >> the thing that is confusing for republicans, the thing is we are not in 2008. both parties are completely different and i think hillary clinton is really going to have to think hard to go back to the premise of what she was, what bill clinton was, because the party has changed on her. the republican party has done the same thing. party of trump. i don' t know. i need to think about it. i am not sure what to say. i will have to sleep on and come

heather: as we look forward now, hillary took a few steps back tonight. >> a few? heather: but on the republican side, there was a few people who move forward a little bit. patrick: trump clearly moves forward, i think john kasich moves forward, a very good night. where does john kasich go? i don' t see were he goes and how big its two super tuesday. he might live off the land, but campaigns are expensive. i think jeb bush came forward tonight. certainly, ted cruz has got something going on here. the conservative race got through new hampshire after iowa and had gone to what would be much more friendlier turf. steve: look at some of the evangelicals who had succeeded in iowa and stubbed their toes significantly in new hampshire. these were guys like mike huckabee and others. ted cruz did a lot better and

ted cruz was the second biggest winner after the republican field after donald trump. heather: we are going to continue to debate this for the next 20 minutes or so and that we are going to go inside and thought out -- and thaw out. ed: you guys did a great job. it was spot on. outsiders, in. maria: and let' s talk to harvey, the cold is on the way. harvey: yeah, it sure is. in fact, it is here now. outsiders, in? they should come in right now. it is cold everywhere, and it is cold in boston. our seasonal snowfall is also average here. we picked up over six inches between tuesday and last night. we are nowhere where we were last year at this time. there we go with the clear skies. boston is at 23 degrees.

that is why everyone is really toughing it out in the cold right there. tomorrow we will edge up into the 30' s. i will show you more in a moment. back to the 20' s tomorrow night. the colder air comes in on thursday, so by lid -- by mid-to-late afternoon, we will be down into the single digits and the teens on thursday night, and that is not the real cold that i am talking about in this forecast, as i shall show you. the clouds are on their way back, and there is more off of the jersey coast. this band is moving through parts of new york state and pennsylvania. we have to watch all of these as they move east. tomorrow morning' s commute maybe impacted before they move off. some of these may be flurries, but some of these may be' s walls -- be swalls.

may face that here in eastern massachusetts. then we just of return colder on thursday with a few more snow flurries or snow showers. i did want to point out that when we get to friday night and early saturday, a little bit of moisture close to the cape. there will be a storm developing. once that goes by, the gates are open for really, truly, bitterly cold air. this is going to come from the northern latitudes and come right on down into the northeast and new england. to give you an idea of what i am talking about, teens to about 20 with winds. it will already be in the single digits in the berkshires, that look at what happens by saturday at 10:00 at night. 10 in boston, three in worcester, and i think we' re headed to below zero, and well below in the suburbs, and there is going to be wind attached to this. austin is very likely going to dip below zero early on saturday night and all week to early

it is going to be six in boston. it may not even get up to 10 degrees in some places for high temperatures. it will be very cold right through sunday night for we start a temperature moderation. these are wind chill estimates. so that is very low as we go through these time periods. there is your next seven days. western mass has the first part of the day, eastern mass is the second part of the wall -- the swall. then we have colder weather on thursday. very cold on friday. but the we' re all -- but the real cold temperatures will be arriving on saturday. we will probably have to go through some snow which may even change to rain if it gets warm enough. i can' t promise that at this point. we are going to go through a lot of change. we' re going to have real that are cold for the upcoming weekend. maria: compared to last year at this time, i will take it.

we will just bundle up. that is what we do. break. spray. this changes everything. flonase is the 24 hour relief that outperforms the #1 non-drowsy allergy pill. when we breathe in allergens, our bodies react by over-producing six key inflammatory substances that cause our symptoms. one substance, flonase controls six. and six is greater than one. excite your senses, seize the day and the night. flonase. six is greater than one. this changes everything. i do everything on the internet. but, it's kind of slow. my friends say i should get fios because it's the fastest. i just downloaded 600 photos in 60 seconds. that's seriously better. (husband) we're out of 2%! i wonder what else could be better around here? switching to better internet is only fios has the fastest internet available, with uploads up to 5x faster get 100 meg upload and download

$69.99 a month online with no annual contract. switch to better. switch to fios. you like being r picture perfect. you should want yourr banking to be too. stop into td bank andr we'll help set you up with picture perfect banking. new customers, open a checking and savings account and you can get a polaroid cube+ video camera on the spot. ed: so you know what they say, politics attracts all sorts. today, a 300 pound female pig that got loose from a farm found its way to the local high school.

doing there, maybe it was interested import barrel politics? -- interested in porkbarrel politics? the pig' s owner eventually recapture the pagan and returned it to the farm. -- recapture the pig and returned it to the farm. so the pig is back in the poke. maria: i wonder where the pagan is now, because we covered this story earlier. >> carly fiorina and ben carson put up a better fight tonight in the bruins did. the la kings have been this -- have been declared winners. after stopping to play, there was a video tribute on the garden scoreboard and the crowd was going crazy. they led

the la kings. they got 52 shots tonight. they would score and wind up winning 9-2. trip. denver broncos won the super bowl with the defense, and the celtics nearly pulled off an improbable win tonight in milwaukee with their fourth-quarter defense but they final. with 23 seconds to go, jae crowder scores it. they make not one but two foul shots. so it was tied at 111. watch what happens here. bradley tries to go for a foul for no a pair reason. all he has to do is make one out of two, he does that, and that is the difference between a ballgame and milwaukee wins by one and the clippers come into town tomorrow night.

boston hockey in college. the women' s hockey team took a record 30-0 this season. meanwhile, mrs. roy williams of the coach of north carolina loses composure. look at this, he gets dizzy and collapses to the ground. he holds his head, they took him into the locker room. we are told he has been dealing with vertigo since 2007. anyone who has dealt with vertigo knows how helpless it is. he came back on the cohort -- on the boston college team and the coaches at the end of the game. that was a frightening moment there. roy williams is going to be ok. it was just another vertigo problem that he has been dealing with for eight or nine years. gold uniforms.

let' s go through the numbers tonight in the new say good night. we are closing in on midnight and bernie sanders and hillary lead for bernie sanders right now. with the republicans, with the leader being donald trump at 35% with 85% of precincts reporting. battling for third place and john kasich got second place. marco rubio is at 11%, chris christie at 8%, saying he is going to go home to new jersey this. are rounding out the bottom two. ed: as we told you, the path now primaries in south carolina. but they will be back at the beginning of next month. in the last couple of minutes we have, the weather. harvey: it is quiet now, but in

snow swall. thursday is colder, friday is cold, that when we get to saturday afternoon and saturday night, that is really cold. i think even boston is going to go below zero and there is going to be some wind with that as well. we are going to be following it carefully. maria: did you need to remind us that it is going to be cold? we are grateful for those cold temperatures because that is all we are getting compared to last year. harvey: in the second half of the week and -- of the weekend, you have to be careful if you' re

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- bill maher. from "the danish girl," oscar nominee alicia vikander. jake byrd at a donald trump rally. and music from nothing but thieves. with cleto and the cletones. and now, as luck would have it,

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. [ cheers and applause ] i hope you're ready to party. i really do. hey, you know, tonight is mardi gras. it's a big night of celebration. mardi means tuesday in french. gras means fat. it is fat tuesday in new orleans right now. everybody is drunk. even the babies. nobody gets a pass on mardi gras. it's an interesting day in america today because we're voting for candidates for president in one state and flashing our nipples in another state. [ laughter ] in new hampshire today the first official primary of the election season, and they had a bit of fat tuesday action themselves. this is a pig, a 600-pound pig.

it made its way to a polling location. a school in pelham, new hampshire. it took the police about an hour to round the pig up. [ laughter ] this officer appeared to be doing some kind of a square dance with the animal. swing your partner do-si-do. they got in touch with the owner. watch this pig tormenting the police. [ laughter ] the owner came, stuffed it in the back seat of his kia sorrento and the pig is safe back home on his farm. and month, the pig did not wind up at the polling place because he was being chased by chris christie. that is a rumor. and shame on you guys for even thinking that was true. [ laughter ] this is the -- this is the 10th -- the 100th anniversary of the new hampshire primary. they've been doing this, this primary in new hampshire since bernie sanders was 5 years old, if you can imagine that. [ laughter ] bernie sanders and donald trump were the winners tonight. i don't know.

you realize i made those jokes because chris christie is fat and bernie sanders is old, right? [ laughter ] oh, okay, you -- i wasn't clear. anyway. bernie is very popular in new hampshire. hillary clinton today spent the whole day quietly googling the words life expectancy for old man in snowy weather. [ laughter ] there was quite a bit of snow in new hampshire. but the candidates, they didn't let that get them down. jeb bush and john kasich had fun. here's jeb throwing snowballs. here's kasich throwing snowballs. those snowballs, they're throwing, those are the ones that don't have a chance in hell in this election. [ laughter ] jeb pulled out the big gun. he had his mother barbara out campaigning for him this week. they did a bunch of interviews together. which really was funny to see. jeb sitting there being interviewed next to his mom, it looked like a parent-teacher conference. [ laughter ] and jeb's brother george is pitching in too. george bush narrated an ad that ran during the super bowl in new hampshire and south carolina where he made a strong case for

jeb. >> america needs help. parents can't put food on their families, and our children still isn't learning. i know jeb. i know his good heart. it's inside his body. next to other things like his stomach. which is where his snacks go. i know that. and i know that experience and judgment count in the oval office, which is the room where the president works at his desk. that's where my little brother would work if he were president. which don't bet on it but don't misunderestimate jeb either. he's got a cute little wife, and he's a good little guy. and he knows how to open doors for america. [ laughter ] jeb bush. [ applause ] >> jimmy: nice. you know, bernie sanders may be the old man in this race, but

in new hampshire out. a guy passed out in front of him at a rally in concord on wednesday. and yesterday at a rally in derry a woman went down for the count. >> whatever the issue may be, what i will tell you is there is one issue out there -- >> jimmy: that was quite a reaction. almost krameresque. let's look at that again. >> one issue out there -- [ laughter ] at least we know he's cool in time of crisis. [ laughter ] let's watch that one more time but in slow motion and this time in reverse. here he comes. [ laughter ] like scooby doo saw a ghost. [ applause ]

currently running for president but he should. at this point he might as well because, well, last night on twitter kanye announced that he's changing the title of his forthcoming album for the third time. first he announced it was called "so help me god." then he changed it to "switch." then he changed it from "swish to "waves." and now he changed it again. kanye changes the name of his albums as often as diddy changes the name of his name. it's really crazy. [ laughter ] last night he tweeted this. he said that's the new album, anybody who can figure out the title gets ticket to season 3 and free yeezies, which are his shoes. acronym. at studio final versus new album title t period l period o period p. sought so the initials are t.l.o.p. and we have to figure out what that stands for and if we do we'll win. and i think i have it figured out. can i get a drum roll here? [ drum roll ] yes, thank you. kanye's new album t.l.o.p.

obviously poops. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. size 11. by the way, kanye also tweeted this about an hour ago. bill cosby innocent. [ laughter ] which to me is a terrible name for an album. it is. valentine's day is on sunday. that means the price of roses is about to go way up. valentine's day is the only holiday where a plant suddenly becomes astronomically expensive and we're okay with it. it would be like if on easter [ laughter ] but we buy them anyway. the florida retail federation says this year consumers will spend an average of $147 on flowers, chocolate, jewelry and other valentine's stuff. and that's in florida. so you can imagine how much they'll spend in normal states. probably quite a bit more. [ laughter ] this is interesting. somebody did a study about the sex lives of married people. they concluded that the happiest

four times a month. which it seems a little bit low, right? so i thought it would be fun to ask some couples here wandering around on hollywood boulevard how, you know -- what their number is. well, let's go outside to my cousin sal now. now, sal and i -- my cousin sal. >> how are you doing in ? >> jimmy: we have a friend who've been married more than ten years. he claims he and his wife have sex -- how often did he say, sam? >> dan sanborn? >> jimmy: yeah. >> he said four times a week. >> jimmy: four times a week which is 16 times a month, which i think you should go to prison for that, right? [ laughter ] >> i don't believe him. he's already got six kids and he's balding worse than i am. >> jimmy: well, again, we shouldn't mention his name. you already did. couple. this couple has no idea what i'm they've just been asked to stop okay. okay. there we are. hi. what's your name? >> hi.

>> and husband rob. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, what was your name? >> rob. >> jimmy: where are you from in. >> owensboro, kentucky. >> jimmy: wow. are you on vacation? >> yes. yet? >> hopefully not. >> jimmy: hopefully not. okay. good. yes. how long have you been together? may i ask? >> we've been married 15 years. sweethearts. so dated five years before that. >> jimmy: oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] so you guys are probably really sex? all right? just go ahead and write it down. don't think about it too much. just -- okay.

figure tout. so karen's writing -- looks like three digits, karen is writing. [ laughter ] rob, what are you up to? karen, are you drawing a diagram of how you do it? [ laughter ] all right. we're going to start with rob. rob, show us your number. rob says five. all right. [ applause ] all right. thank you. guys, cousin sal has a lovely gift for you. cousin sal, what do you have? >> yes. i have undies for two. so you can share them. >> jimmy: that's nice. you can wear those on the plane home. nice to meet you guys. let's bring in one more couple and see what's going on. now, this couple has not been listening in. they don't know. you guys didn't hear -- oh, you don't have headphones are. so you literally can't hear me now. okay. be very careful. what's your name? >> theresa. >> jimmy: hi, theresa. >> fine, and you? >> jimmy: and is this your husband? >> it better be.

>> jimmy: david and theresa. now, did you guys intentionally wear the same shirt today or was that an accident? >> accident. >> jimmy: an accident. wow. how about that? you wound up on tv. [ laughter ] how long have you been married? >> seven years. >> jimmy: seven years. and it's been good, i assume? you're still vacationing together. >> yes. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> cincinnati. >> jimmy: cincinnati, ohio. hence the red, i guess. okay. i'm going to ask you a question. we're going to put you in a position where you can't see each other's answers on either side of that wall. don't answer it aloud. i'd just like you to write the answer down. be honest. and the question is how many times per month on average do you have sex? okay? [ laughter ] theresa is writing her number. david is writing his. all right. theresa's now changing her number. [ laughter ]

[ laughter ] hi, guys. oh, they're look at your number with envy. all right. theresa, show us your number. your number is? five. what was the original thing? a drawing of the planet? [ laughter ] >> she had a zero originally. >> jimmy: oh, really? five. all right. and david, your number is? >> boy. >> jimmy: 12? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> it's okay. >> jimmy: i have very bad news. david is cheating on you. [ laughter ] wait a minute. one of you can't count is what's happening here. [ laughter ] that's quite a discrepancy. david, are you counting your alone time here or what? [ laughter ] >> could be. >> jimmy: it might be. all right. well, we do have a gift for you. >> condoms for you. here's a couple. >> jimmy: condoms, yes.

>> here's a basket of stuff. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. there you go. thanks for playing. we're going to take a break. when we come back, we have something very special. our old pal jake byrd popped up at a donald trump rally in new hampshire last night. now, if europe not familiar with jake byrd, he is the guy you will see behind donald trump in this clip. >> by the way, can you see in the back in they have the best view. can you see it's really my hair? >> yeah! yeah! >> jimmy: all right. so when we come back, jake byrd takes new hampshire by storm. so stick around. we'll be right back. there has to be a way. carry the centimeter, divide by 3.14 something something something... [ beeping, whirring ] great caesar salad! and now the name your price tool shows people policy options to help fit their budget. is that a true story? yeah! people really do save an average of over $500

about you inventing it. i invented the story, and isn't that what really matters? so... what else about me? what happens when lobster gets grilled, baked, and paired with even more lobster? you get hungry. and you count the seconds until red lobster's lobsterfest is back with the largest variety of lobster dishes of the year. like new dueling lobster tails with one tail stuffed with crab, and the other with langostino lobster mac-and-cheese, it's a party on a plate! and you know every bite of 'lobster lover's dream' lives up to its name. hey, eating is believing. so stop dreaming and start eating. p drake: you used to call me on my cellphone cut, cut, roll out, cut. perfect! here are the changes. i love changes. p when you say, call me on my cellphone p just add, device eligible for upgrade after 24 months. genius! you know what also, you need topinclude, that streaming music will incur data charges. fantastic idea. p

we are gonna go again. p other wireless carries ruin everything. switch to t-mobile. the un-carrier

for $399 a month

cs test text1 plain [ cheers and applause ]

alicia vikander and music from nothing but thieves is on the way. [ cheers and applause ] first the eyes of the nation were on new hampshire today because of the primary election. they had a caucus in iowa, a primary in new hampshire, and then they'll move on i guess to some of the states where people live next. it is a big deal for the candidates. even though the winner in new hampshire doesn't necessarily go on to win the nomination. you know who won the new hampshire primary last time around? what's his name? from -- mike "the situation" from "jersey shore." [ laughter ] but all the candidates are there. their boots are on the ground. and so is our pal jake byrd, who's a very passionate donald trump supporter. jake spreads trumpthusiasm everywhere he goes. maybe you recall seeing him back in september at the trump rally in dallas. >> trump! trump! trump! i love this these people back here. >> and we love you! we love you! we love you, donald j.!

each other. it's a beautiful thing. yesterday jake braved the elements to file this special report from a donald trump rally on the eve of the primaries in manchester, new hampshire. 3w4r >> i think trump is the person who will go to washington and actually get things done. he'll hire good people to be in good positions then hold them accountable for these positions. >> he's going to get us jobs. he's going to get america working again. i'm going to get hired back no matter how many times i assault a customer. they have to. donald trump says i do. >> and my -- >> i love your old-fashioned root beer. [ laughter ] >> i don't sell root beer. but that's fine. >> a country without borders isn't really a country, is it? >> this guy told me a great joke. he said hey, bernie, it's new hampshire, not jew hampshire. [ laughter ] too much. too much.

>> it's like live free or die. it's live trump or die. >> we're so disorganized. we've done about 100 of these -- >> still don't know what you're doing. >> we know what we're doing. everybody needs to -- >> so you're a voblt. you volunteer. you work at the campaign? >> yeah. >> and it's so disorganized. >> it's a house of cards. i don't want to say that. >> no, that's fine. house of cards like the netflix show. are you going to throw someone on the train tracks like that guy? >> this is the number one campaign in the country. we're the [ bleep ] -- >> i just want to tell you. if she has the baby tonight in new hampshire, that guarantees victory tomorrow. please, ivanka, have the baby tonight. >> have the baby! have the baby! >> we're going to bring education back locally. no more common core. >> i don't know what that is. [ laughter ] >> we're not going to have people dying on the streets.

hospital and take care of them -- >> and die there. [ laughter ] in a hospital. in the hospital. >> and we're going to build ourselves so strong -- nobody. i'm telling you. nobody is going to play with us. we don't want to use it. >> nobody's going to play with us. [ laughter ] no play dates! no play dates! >> walls work. just ask israel. walls work. i mean, serious walls. i mean trump walls. >> trump walls! the best walls! the best walls! dtf! donald trump forever! dtf! donald trump forever! dtf! donald trump forever! >> who's going to pay for the wall? >> mexico! [ laughter ] >> some people -- she just said a terrible thing. you know what she said? shout it out because i don't want to -- >> [ bleep ].

>> whoa! [ laughter ] language! saucy language! wow. wow! >> if you're going to get hurt and if you're going to drive like a maniac, do it tomorrow after you vote. and i promise i will come and visit you in the hospital. >> you promise? [ laughter ] you better! now. [ laughter ] >> thank you very much, new hampshire. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> right now personally for me how i feel personally right now for me personally, the biggest threat i'm facing is finding a bus back to the hospital in the snow. you know? of the --

come on, let's stump for trump! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: unfortunate ending. but thank you, jake byrd, everybody. >> i'm still freezing! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. we have music tonight from nothing but thieves. alicia vikander is here. we'll be right back with bill maher. [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by mountain dew kickstart. three awesome things combined. dew, juice, caffeine. y. to prove it, p i switched from an expensive contract plan by popping a sim card into my phone. now it's a straight talk phone. and i get to keep my same number and network for half the cost. that's money we can put toward your college fund. oh, i'm not going to college.

invisibility, now! i can still see you... your phone, your network, half the cost. unlimited talk, text, and data is just $45 a month. find out more at straighttalkbyop.com. what's the most awarded car company of the year? ranking from top to bottom. luxury cars just seem like they would be top awarded there better be some awards behind what you are paying for, right. the final answer. chevy. the most awarded car company two years in a row. wow, it's like a luxury car. i was shocked. i mean it's like, this is chevy? current qualified gm lessees can get a sign and drive lease on this chevy cruze limited for around $179 per month. find new roads

i do everything on the internet. but, it's kind of slow. my friends say i should get fios because it's the fastest. i just downloaded 600 photos in 60 seconds. that's seriously better. (husband) we're out of 2%! i wonder what else could be better around here? (husband) i heard that. switching to better internet is now easier than ever. only fios has the fastest internet available, with uploads up to 5x faster than cable. get 100 meg upload and download speeds. plus tv and phone for just

annual contract. switch to better. switch to fios. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. tonight, she is an oscar nominee for her role in the movie "the danish girl." she is nominated for best supporting actress, alicia vikander is here. [ cheers and applause ] then, all the way from essex, which is all the way in england, this is their self-titled album. it's called "nothing but thieves," from the samsung stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night we'll have a good show. sacha baron cohen will be here. zendaya will join us. and we'll have music from mana.

republican or democrat, guest doesn't like what you're know it. he's the host of "real time with bill maher," which you can watch friday nights on hbo and you can see him live at the mirage in las vegas march 12th and 13th. please welcome bill maher. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for being here. i know this is an important night for you. >> it's an important night for you. >> jimmy: why? >> because you're on and i'm not. i'm not working tonight. i'm here. because you are my favorite talk show on the west coast. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. you're the only talk show on the the.

>> jimmy: are you all right? >> why, what did you hear? >> jimmy: you got surfing or right? >> who told you that? one of your show business cronies. us. bill can't come. he got hit in the face way surfboard. [ laughter ] is that not true? >> that's not true. i went to hawaii. this year i brought david spade and jeff ross. we had a fabulous time. eddie vedder performed with us. it was really fun. >> jimmy: nice. >> thanks. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't address him. >> i'm from new jersey. i body surf. [ applause ] chris christie fans? [ laughter ] and you know, sometimes the wave face planted me. and yes, my face was too [ bleep ] to appear. [ laughter ] happy you got that out of me? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i love we can say that now. remember when we started in show business you couldn't swear. now they just bleep it out. no one gives a [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: yeah. i mean, i don't know what people

i think because now everybody's cursing on every other channel. >> trump. >> jimmy: you think it was trump? >> no, i -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> no, but he's running for president and he says [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's crazy. >> it is crazy. >> jimmy: do you like that or do you dislike it? >> i like that -- i mean, i always say donald trump and i are a little -- a little like the detective and the serial killer. you know. we're not so different, you and i. [ laughter ] i certainly don't agree with hardly anything he says politically, but i love the fact that he's politically incorrect. i used to have a show called "politically incorrect." [ applause ] >> jimmy: what happened to that show? >> well, i got thrown off the air for being too politically incorrect. >> jimmy: my god. guy. >> jimmy: fat guy, right? >> no, not a fat guy. people off.

but yeah, that's donald trump. he eats third rails for breakfast. i have yet to find something this man can say that will turn his fans off. i mean, we all thought it was over when he said john mccain not a war hero. we thought, oh, well, that's -- come on. no. but great, whatever. and then he went to megyn kelly, you're on your period. carly fiorina, you're an older woman, too ugly to run for president. hey, who wants to see my impression of a cerebral palsy guy? [ laughter ] like what does this mean have to do? fart in jesus's face? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that would be something. >> he's like a movie monster. whatever they think is going to destroy him just makes him stronger. you know? >> jimmy: you endorsed bernie

and you feel good about that now? >> look, i like hillary a lot. but not as much as bernie. we've never had a leftist in my lifetime. a true leftist. he's putting things on the table no one ever put on the table before. that's why we don't know. now, is he probably going to win in the south? probably not. he's a socialist jew who's 100. [ laughter ] but you know what? people have never seen this product before. people didn't know they wanted an iphone until they put it in the window and everybody bought it. we've never had -- i call it the new deal. like fdr's new deal. he is saying we could be more like a western european democracy where you pay a little more taxes but look what you get. free college, free health care. go after the banks. this stuff has never been on the table. we'll see what happens. i think he deserves for what he's done so far to at least get the benefit of the doubt.

and then, you know, and then if we go back to the old rules, fine. i've told my audience, my fans. i said look, i'm for bernie and a lot of you are too. but hillary is still good. it's like when you're on a plane if you don't get your first choice eat the chicken. [ laughter ] because if you don't get the democrat, then the nearest abortion clinic will be in london. >> jimmy: do you like any of the republican candidates? if you were forced to vote for one of them -- >> i'd kill myself. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but if you had to vote for one of them, is there anyone in your mind -- who do you think is the worst among them? >> ted cruz is always the worst. >> jimmy: why do you say that? >> because they laughed. that why. [ laughter ] i said it because he is. because he's smart and evil. the other ones are true dummies. like rubio. you know, he doesn't know what he's talking about.

but ted cruz is diabolical. he's smart. what i really hate about him. and this is what a true cynic is. he's smart but he knows what to say to his dummy base that they will believe. so he always says things like -- here's my favorite. he said, you know, before 9/11 i was a fan of classic rock. after 9/11 i found myself switching to country music. [ laughter ] because as we all know the world trade center was attacked by three dog night. [ laughter ] what the hell does that mean? or the thing about new york values. remember that a couple of weeks ago? like he doesn't have new york values. he clerked for the supreme court. he went to princeton and yale. and he's like, do i even own shoes? i love when he plays the [ bleep ] kicker chord like -- oh, i did it again. >> jimmy: bill maher is here.

he's in vegas march 12th and 13th. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] tsweetheart, don't look at me like that, it's gonna be amazing. this is a disaster! who's the genius rwho puts a girl in heels on a subway grate? miss monroe, eat a snickers. why? r you get a little cranky when you're hungry. better? much better. t this scene will never make the cut, morons. oh hello, deadpool here. (swish) i always wanted to be a professional athlete. (music) (crunch) cause i wanted to have children in cities all over the world. (music) (explosion) (music) deadpool: incoming! (motor revving) (music) (crunch) (explosion) (crunch)