a small town in oregon is ringing in the holidays with a unique bid. take a look at these festive lawn mowers, the parade started in 2008 with one neighbor riding his tractor around the block, now over a dozen people decorate their lawn mowers to spread holiday cheer. ,,,,,,,,

[ susan ] so...have you started your holiday shopping yet? [ seth ] i've been looking a little. got any ideas? you know me. i've always got ideas. [ male announcer ] show her she's loved with a helzberg diamonds gift box. godiva chocolate gems and diamond pendant. i love you. you do? [ laughs ] what does hope look like?

it's in the rising walls of a home rebuilt. raising the spirit of a community reborn. what does heart sound like? it's in the rhythm of nails pounded into wood. a beat driven by the conviction that inspiration can overcome desperation. what does home feel like? it's in the faces of americans who built generations of memories in their home and then saw it slipping away. until friends they have never met, turned out to lend a hand. for more than 30 years, rebuilding together has spread hope to home owners in need. providing free home rehabilitation, making homes safer and more energy efficient. this is a place where you can turn dreams into reality. go to rebuilding together dot org and share the feeling of home.

letterman next. that is it for us. i am vic carter. >> ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> from new york, the greatest city in the world, it's the "late show" with david letterman. tonight... plus paul shaffer and the cbs orchestra. and knowliquored up and get, david letterman!

captioning sponsored by worldwide pants and cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) ( cheers and applause ) >> dave: thank you very much.thd gentlemen. that is very nice, thank you. thank you very much and merry christmas and a special happy holiday greetings to the govenor of delaware. i have no idea who that is. we don't care who that is. welcome to the show ladiesa, now listen. you know something the holidays are fantastic because you have christmas and everybody gets excited about christmas and then you also have the hanukkah. >> paul: hanukkah. >> dave: everybody in new yorkc.

today they dropped a motza ball. [applause] anit's winter.it's the firsf winter i saw a rabbi wearing a north face yarmulke. [applause] this is our end of the year joke clear out sale. i have to tell yousomething. >> i was talking around and iwa. new yorkers, i don't know what you hear from new yorkers they are not impressed by santa claus. you know what i mean? to new yorkers santa claus is another prowler on the roof. with a bag of junk and stealing stuff. not that big of a deal.

[applause] i will tell you what is nica television show or even what behave. you -- ba w what we have. you get christmas cards. i got one from th kardiasians. the whole crew is there. >> they are nice you think therr seats don't you? you are being awfully polite and well mannered because you think there might be. by the way if anybody last minute gifts.

anything drives you crazy the last minute shopping. congressman barney frank has done a wonderful job representing massachusetts down there in washington. if you are thinking about getting something for him, he could always use another bra. [applause] nice knockers. >> it's our holiday show.[laugh] it's the time of year i don't care who you are or where you are going everyone gets caught up in the festive mood. even ron paul has the christmas spirit. look at this guy. i thought this was darn nice.

♪[laughter] you know, here is the big holiday movie. you have your big christmas celebration you go city a movie. go see the new matt damon movie "we got a zoo". i was talking to a guy who has no idea who the govenor of his home state is. but that is another story. i don't know why? [laughter] is there some kind of shake down do i have to know everything? what am i google all of a sudden? what am i mr.wikipedia. i don't know who it is. i got nothing. leave me alone. [applause] let me see your license and registration. the thing to do is go see "we bought a zoo" we have a clip. i think it's going to be a big

holiday block buster. a little taste of "we bought a zoo". p here we go. it's a monkey riding a dog. ♪ i got to get out of showbusf my back. it's the holidays how about a sneezing monkey. >> paul: why not? >> dave: let's go to thesneezin. here we go. i can't even get a sneeze not evenly a god bless you? are you kid being me? >> kim jung il the evilmurderinh korea passed a way. i think we have a shot of him. see what this is. this is a glass, a sarcophagus

and he was beloved by millions of fellow north koreans and ando beloved that it's bullet-proof glass. they would come in and take a couple of shots and riddle the corpse. what is that? can you push in? look at that. >> paul: oh for the love ofgod! [applause] >> paul: wow. >> dave: for the north koreansig when kim jong-il left us. and right about now he should be arriving in hell. [laughter] [applause] we have a copy of theofficih korea state television sharing

the news that their dear beloved leader had died. it's fascinating watch i this. >> dee dear leader kim jung il s passed a way at the age of 70. he worked for many years at kraft foods. >> he is survived by his wifean. we'll be right back with tonight's lotto numbers. [applause] >> dave: i'm being told thatwe m

courtesy of our affiliate in hell. okay. we are going to go live now to hell. there you go.[laughter] [applause] but what happened there was a lot of grief and hysteria and it was all fake when this guy died. because they are scared of him. he is just a schmuck. they were scared silly of the guy. it was like when regis retired, remember? [applause] it was crazy, it was awful. anybody see mitt romney on fox news this week? it was great great wasn't it.

mitt romney on fox news. >> the rap against you you haveg anything you haven't heard, you robotic. first of all do you think that is fair? [applause] >> dave: you never get tiredof . ♪ >> dave: that is right.oh, boy,y quarterback challenge. we'll be right back everybody. stay tuned for the top ten things you don't want to hear during the holidays. and the jay thomas with the late holiday quarterback challenge. i would like to say peace on earth and goodwill to men and also peace on the moon. hey, it can't hurt. we'll be right back. ,,,,,,,,,,,,

>> dave: merry christmas andtht. paul schaffer. and as always and especially

during the holiday season we have a busy weekend coming up. let's check in with bruce and linda and see what is coming up tomorrow on the weekend late show. bruce and linda take it away. >> merry christmas, dave. >> seasons greetings.tomorrow il christmas show and it's going to be the best one yet. jose feliciano is going to join us by phone and we are helping for me merry christmas. we are going to prepare aena blow torch or two. >> that is a tasty time saver.ae traditions the meteorologist will give his delightful riding of rudolph the red nose reindeer. all of that and surprises o. >> dave: bruce and linda.here i.

the top then ten things you don't want to hear during the holidayless. holidayless -- holidays. the experts agree that the holidays are a time of foo fatigue and disappoint. and family tension. [applause] i would represent the familyten.

that would be me. the top ten things you don't want to hear during the holidays. look out i hope you don't hear these things. welcome to dennys table for. no. 9 fedex is delivering your package. here it comes. there you go.take that.

♪ladies and gentlemen it's a happy night and sad night >> dave dorsett has been with us about the time to be retiring. let me give you the stats on this guy's career, 46 years at cbs. [applause] he began at cbs on

december 201,965 and as long as i have known him he has been right behind that camera that looks at me every single night. [applause] you think you have a lousy job, [laughter] his first job at the network he was operating a camera on the daytime show "the secret storm". >> paul: oh wow!yeah. >> dave: the secret stormthose e weather channel. >> in his career our good friens work behind the camera. [applause] i love this picture.

i'm going to start wearing this in a loc a lockett. this was when dave was a private detective. how long has your brother-in-law been missing? he is the guy that you want him to be and he has helped us out over the many years. we put together a little tape of dave as for the last 30 years. ♪ i wish you love and happiness ♪ ♪ i guess i wish you all the best ♪ ♪ i wish you don't ♪ ♪ do like i do

♪ ♪ don't fall in love like i did ♪ ♪ you got to walk around the block like a little kid ♪ ♪ the kid don't know new new they can only guess new ♪ how hard it is new ♪ to wish you happiness ♪ did he began in 19 65 working as a technician on the fran and nick show. celebrating his 36, his 37, his 41 year at cbs. not a lovelier man alive than dave dorsett. ♪ i wish you love ♪ ♪ i wish you happiness [applause] >> dave: that is the guy rightt. stop it.

stop it. good luck to you david. >> thank you david. >> thank you very much.dave dor. ladies and gentlemen. thanks for everything. [applause] ,,,,,,,,,,

i would like to give aholidy and friends in mobile, alabama happy holidays. >> dave: thank you very muchhapr

family and friends in mobile, alabama. years and years and yearsagk playing for the jets and we had a meat ball and knock it off the tree and he kept throwing and missing an throwing and missing and throwing and missing and then from the green room he came running out and grabbed the football and threw it once and knocked the meat ball off. and zoom it was gone. and then that night he proceeded to tell the single greatest talk show story ever. >> paul: that is right. >> dave: a tradition was born. >> paul: that is all there wast. >> dave: ladies and gentlemenfoe anyone funnier than jay thomas? sirius, xm radio show host jay

thomas. come on out! ♪you get excited about coming here, jay. >> i do.i like when you say is e anybody funnier? and they all go, yeah there is. >> dave: i get excited aboutthe. i don't toss the ball around like i used to. to. are you ready for this. >> i'm shot up like a racehorse. >> dave: did you play footballi. >> i g did i played at centralpd many people probably follow them. >> dave: you have a laser eyeanu

came out and put vinnie to shape. -- shame. i called my bookie after the show i just beat this guy by throwing the ball. all the money is off. >> dave: that is half of thesto. >> you never bet on someone tha. >> dave: the holiday footballchk show story told. >> they said thomas' career has. >> dave: whose hasn't cooledfor. >> one of my sons threw a shoef. >> dave: i never quiteunderstoo. >> it was the week that bush ha.

>> dave: he thought it wouldbe . >> he did think it would befunn. he is the vice president of nike. >> dave: not the greatest talks. let's get to it. >> paint the worth of thepick--. when i was in south carolina. we would give out t-shirts for a big promotion for the car dealership. i was young and i had a giant afro. , a white man's afro. the lone ranger was working for the chrysler corporation, dodge and he was the spokesman. he had come to charlotte to open up the dealership and i was going to be the disk jockey. >> dave: it was clayton mooreths career he thought he may be the

lone ranger. >> he stood erect and he had thh you other than as the loa lone ranger. while the kids were busy we went behind the dumpster and we herbed up. [laughter] and then when i came back into the dealership everything that the lone ranger said was hysterical to us. we are there working and all of a sudden the promotion end prome are ready to leave. and he is standing erect with the mask and six guns and i said gee, mike we have to get him home some how. dl1 avidhhe has to get back to d

carpet inn on moorhead street. i said, mr.lone ranger would you like me to take you? and he said yes. >> i have a old beat up volvoant stoned as we get into the front of volvo. and we are driving on independence boulevard and it's 5:00 and there is no sound in that car. all of a sudden the guy decide to bar back up to get out of trc and he smashes into my car and it's a huge buick and he took off. and i turned to mike and i said we have to catch somebody. the lone ranger is in the back and i stepped on the volvo and no matter what way we went the lone ranger went in the opposite

direction. we are chasing this huge buick through the street of charlotte north carolina. dl1 aviddi >> dave: did you finally catchu? >> i did finally catch up witht. >> dave: i'm told we havevideot. >> we do have videotape.this hae in 13 years. >> never happened.what are you ? >> you hit my car. >> i did not.you broke my head . >> what are you going to doabou? >> i'm going to call the cops.w, me or you two hippie freaks?

♪ lone ranger theme song >> they'll believe me citizen.iu ♪ time to go. >> oh, my good, thank you. >> dave: come on over here.i neo wet these things down. let me take a couple of shots. >> you go ahead. >> daveright in there. >> dave: you have to take itrig. oh, know! ♪out of my way!

i am going for pizza. very close. here it is, here it is! >> oh!dang! come on jay. come on buddy get in here! [applause] jay thomas ladies and gentlemens. is. >> a funnier man alive?we'll bee pierce everybody. ,,,,,,,,,,,, i'm wishing everyone back home

in brooklyn new york a happy holidays. >> dave: the four fans offreedo. i will tell you something about being dressed as the lone ranger. it was the only time in my life i felt like a man. [laughter] [applause] our next guest is an emmy and tony winnin award winner callede up space" how about a lovely

welcome for david hyde pierce. david? [applause] ♪hi, david very nice for you o their your holiday time with us. i know you have to go to work this evening. >> what a great show to be on. >> dave: a closed up space,that? >> it's an editing term.i play . it's when you take a word out of a sentence and you have to close it up. >> dave: how is it going?you li. >> i do.it's a little. >> crazy.we are having fun tim.

>> dave: when you would visitus. do they come to new york with you? >> thank you for asking. the dogs are doing well. they are disappointed in the congress but but. [applause] we are in a weird face with the dogs. maude who is 12. and the previous dogs we talked are. >> dave: what is the or one. >> mamable.we now have mildrid. these are family names. [laughter] >> mildred turned two and we sh.

she and maude would play and then she turned two and she would get a leopard ninja look and it was like a bloody cage match in our house. >> dave: they make sounds likea. >> do you have a terror? >> hno he is a boston plumber. >> you know how you pull themap. if a dog is in a vicious fight you grab the dog by the back legs and it takes a way their leverage and they let go but mildred had not read the book.

>> dave: and so it was todeath. on fraser their dog they had to be separated or they would be killed each other. >> we had a trainer whorecomme a collar and it shoots lemon cloud up their nose and apparently they hate it so much they stop fighting. i should say i know they probably work if they are not operated by idiots. we couldn't figure it out. we just had lemon scented cage fights. what is wrong with that? to me it's a win-win.

it's impossible to live like this and impossible for the dogs to be fighting for 24 hours. how are things now? >> god bless her maude finallygr nose and going to the vet. she finally backed down and said, all right i'm your bitch and can we just play with the sock? and can we just play with the sock? >> dave: we'll be right backwit. i want to say happy holidayn stratford, connecticut and we'll see you soon. i want to say happy holidayn instantly opened my nose, etrips

tonight ♪ tonight ♪ ♪ they know that santa is on his way ♪ ♪ he is loading lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh ♪

an every mother child is going to sigh to see if reindeer really know how to fly ♪. happy holidays this is sergeant proctor from afghanistan i wish a happy holidays to my family proctor from afghanistan i wish a happy holidays to my family and friends back at home in new jersey. i love you all.

this is petty officer blakf. i want to wish you a happy holidays. i love you. bye sweetie. >> dave: you mentioned one ofhar grandmother. >>. mildred is named. pimy grandmother was mildred e.

and finally when she passed a a way and he it was emma. mildred was okay. >> dave: was she a big part ofw. >> now that it's holiday time,tf christmas. my dad's mom, when i was very little i would drive her to her house and we would smoke. we would herb up. [applause] >> dave: all right. >> this was a long time ago.my . we had candy cigarettes then. i would sit there and smoke mine

and hers second hand. she would come over for christmas and she was a sweet religious woman and she go like cocktails. and when she was finished her drink and ready for another she would rattle her glass. at christmas i would be in the kitchen and i would say is that santa and the reindeer? and mom would say no that is grandma wanting more begin. -- gin. [applause] my other grandma she woulds. her advice was wear sensible shoes. a tough, tough woman, when my grandfather got alzheimer's see she took care of him.

she showed up and had a steamed pudding and a hard sauce and they both thi had so much alcohn them it was like a flammable device. and after dinner i would say, mom, did i hear hooves on the roof top? and mom would say, no, that grandpa he fell down the stairs. >> dave: now you have to runoff. you have to get to the theater. >> it will probably be aterribl. rosie perez i is in the sho. >> i have and rosie slap me.befd

she slaps me five times in a row. it's fantastic. >> dave: to each it's own.whate. did i tell you when i was dressed like thises it was the first time i fel felt like. >> yes. >> dave: we'll be right backwitd gentlemen. hi i'm christie a departmene u.s. army so, if the mint makes this hot chocolate cool, does the mint hot chocolate make me cool? not really. the new mint hot chocolate from dunkin' donuts. grab the cool sensation of mint today.