>> jay: all right. my first guest co-stars opposite don cheadle on the popular showtime series "house of lies." her new movie "the lifeguard" debuted earlier this year at the sundance film festival. it got such terrific reviews. it is available on itunes and on demand. it opens in theaters august on 30th. please welcome new mom kristen bell. kristen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jay: it is good to see you again. >> nice to see you, too. >> jay: the last time i saw you, you were seven months pregnant. >> whoo! >> jay: yeah that's pretty amazing. >> yeah. >> jay: and you look fantastic. >> thank you. >> jay: congratulations. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: how is your daughter lincoln doing? >> oh, she's so delicious. she's so delicious. she's wonderful. she's my best friend. >> jay: wow. really?

wow. now lincoln, the name. is it the president or the car? >> i think it's kind of both. i don't know, it was dax's idea. we thought she was a boy for a a while. and we had no proof. we just vibed boy. he always wanted his first born son to be named lincoln. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> and so we got lazy when we found out she was a girl. [ light laughter ] why not lincoln? >> jay: yeah. yeah. does lincoln keep you up at night or does she -- >> lincoln is not keeping me up at night. >> jay: oh, okay. >> but i am up at night because i'm being tortured by a devil bird. [ light laughter ] >> jay: a devil bird? >> yeah, have you heard of these? apparently they're called mockingbirds. [ light laughter ] and it's their mating season. and i have a bachelor in my tree that starts squawking about midnight and wraps it up around 7:00 a.m. [ light laughter ] and the baby sleeps. that's the irony here. is the baby's sleeping but this

bird -- ooh, guys. >> jay: you know, this sounds like some sort of sexual metaphor. i have a bachelor in my tree. >> no. [ laughter ] i have -- >> jay: is it a real -- you've seen it? >> oh, i have seen it. >> jay: you've just heard it or you've seen it. >> we have made -- i have had numerous interactions with him. he did this to me last year. and i'm positive -- >> jay: same bird? >> i would guess. 'cause he's schizo. and i'm always yelling up at the tree. [ light laughter ] >> jay: the bird is schizo. >> "nobody wants to date you!" [ laughter ] yes, because he can't -- he's trying to get a mate. believe me, no one's coming within ten feet of this guy. but last year, i got -- there's a bunch of empty water bottles lodged in the tree from when i'm like chucking things at him to try to get him to go away. [ light laughter ] i would sometimes get up in the middle of the night and just go out and shake the branches of the tree. i bought -- i can't hurt him because unfortunately he's protected under the california bird migratory act. i've looked it up. [ light laughter ] >> jay: oh. >> there's legal ramifications. >> jay: did he have the documents with him? did he show you?

[ laughter ] >> no. believe it or not. i got a nerf gun last year and i was shooting soft pellets to try to get him to go away. the problem is this. it's not a good bird sound. he's a mockingbird, so he does nasty sounds from the neighborhood. whatever he's heard. and he's like known on our block for doing car alarms. so this is what i hear in the middle of the night and i'm not joking. he'll be like -- [ mimicking car alarm ] [ laughter ] right outside my window. >> jay: i think what this is called is postpartum depression. [ laughter ] i think what happened is -- whatever happened -- >> i'm not making this up. >> jay: whatever happened -- >> i can't sleep with ear plugs because i have to have the baby monitor. i'm screwed. [ light laughter ] >> jay: yeah. did you try -- >> we tarped the tree. >> jay: tarped the tree. >> tarped the tree. he still comes back. but this year, here's what we've got. i bought a super soaker. right? [ applause ] because i have heard that this is what you can do is like hose them.

i was like, no, i need more range. >> jay: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> because when i open the door he hears the knob. and he stops and then he freezes and then he flies to a a tree that's like ten feet away where i definitely can't reach him. so he's onto me. >> jay: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> i ordered this 35-foot range supersoaker. i've got him -- i think we're going to wrap this up this year. i really do. [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: you know, it's interesting. this would be viewed as your last tv appearance. [ laughter ] when they go to court they'll show this. is this a picture of you with the --e >> well, here's the picture of what i just tweeted. [ light laughter ] doesn't that look great? rapid fire, massive soaking capacity. >> jay: let me ask you a a question. is that your dog doing his business? >> you betcha. [ laughter ] it's massive soaking capacity. >> jay: were you aware he was in there? >> oh, yeah. that's what made it a great

pic. i thought i was the gonna be the only one who noticed it. >> jay: no, no. >> you're onto my tricks. >> jay: yeah, yeah. well listen. we'll take a break. we'll try to take all this in. >> okay. >> jay: did the bird go away? did you hit him with the water? >> no. oh, i've hit him with the water a couple times. no, he's a stubborn old guy. >> jay: yeah. >> i'll get him. don't worry. >> jay: okay, yeah. okay. [ light laughter ] i'm going to call child services and we'll be right back with kristen bell. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ marjorie... i can't stand you! you're too perfect. even the inside of your dishwasher sparkles. ok, so i'm the bad guy for being clean? you said it! you know, you... bababababa ladies! let's not fight dirty. hi, cascade kitchen counselor. see, over time... new cascade platinum's triple cleaning formula delivers brilliant shine that finish gel can't beat. it even helps keep your dishwasher sparkling. new cascade platinum is cascade's best.

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now, when you were in the hospital, when you were pregnant, you started a a company? what is this company? >> i did. well, prior to being in the hospital and being pregnant. but, i -- yeah, i -- well, a couple of my very good friends had this idea to start a granola bar company. like, a bar company that was kind of -- every time you buy a bar you give something to a child in need. so, for every bar that's purchased, a life-saving nutritional packet is delivered to a child that either can't afford it -- >> jay: so, the more candy i eat, the more children get saved. >> bingo! >> jay: i love this idea. [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: you know, i'm trying to work out something now with the pizza company. the same thing. the more pizza i eat, the more children -- >> i couldn't recommend it. i couldn't recommend -- >> jay: fantastic. >> yeah, it's called this bar saves lives. yeah, i'm really proud of it. itas the idea of a couple really good friends. and when they told me about it, i said, "i really, really, really want to be involved." i tested all the flavors while i was pregnant. so it was like heightened senses. and they're delicious, and it's for a good cause. >> jay: do you know what's really good? the mockingbird flavor.

[ laughter ] >> it will be on the menu. trust me. >> jay: hey, congratulations on your movie, "the lifeguard." >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: it's kind of a serious kind of -- [ applause ] not dark, but kind of different for you because i always see you doing comedies. so this is kind of fun for you. >> yeah, it's much darker. much darker, yeah. and it's a -- >> jay: were you ever a a lifeguard in real life? >> no. i can barely swim, jay. i mean, i can swim, but i would not be in charge of saving anyone. >> jay: no? okay, okay. well, tell people what this story is about. >> it's about a girl who is kind of having a quarter life crisis. she's about to turn 30. >> jay: now, see, i love that. katy perry was here the other night. she used this term "quarter life crisis." this is hysterical. >> the kids and their terms these days, yeah. >> jay: oh, a tenth of a life crisis. i'm nine. [ light laughter ] i mean, i've never even heard of that. >> people panic at any age. and you want a label it, i think. but, you know, my character is about to turn 30, and her life isn't as she expected it to be. so she decides to move back home and create the circumstances that she was last happiest in, which was when she was a lifeguard in high school. and then she starts to hang out

with some 16-year-olds, and it's not appropriate. >> jay: oh. [ light laughter ] oh. yeah. >> it's not, guys. it's not appropriate. >> jay: suddenly guys are going, "oh, i want to see this." >> yeah, it's a great -- [ light laughter ] she has a dangerous relationship. >> jay: now, is that difficult for you? working with young, handsome co-stars? >> oh. no. i was nervous because there are some intimate scenes. but thankfully, he was not 16. he was 19. but there was definitely more -- [ laughter ] yeah. it was more intimate. >> jay: huge difference. you're just talking legally. >> right, it was. yeah. >> jay: so your only problem was with the law really. >> right, of course. i had asked dax going in. because, you know, you still have a real life. and i asked my partner, like, "hey, read this scene. like, is this cool? this is fairly intimate, and how do you feel about this?" and he said, "you know what? you can do anything you want. as long as you don't come home pregnant, go for it." >> jay: right, right.

[ laughter ] >> and sure enough, i came home pregnant. >> jay: yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] >> i mean, it's not his baby. >> jay: you mean it's dax's baby. >> i -- >> jay: yeah, yeah. >> yes, it's dax's baby. >> jay: you know, i remember you telling me, you and dax are going to get married when gay people get married. well, now it's legal. >> yeah, i know! [ cheers and applause ] you know, i said to him the other day -- >> jay: there's no excuse. >> i know. on the day that it passed, i called him. and i said, "hey, do you want to do it today, just out of principle and just go to the courthouse." and he was like, "oh, i have a a meeting this afternoon. i can't." [ laughter ] >> jay: yeah, so romantic. >> it's all right. i'm fine. >> jay: that's the old fashioned way. you meet. you go get a bite to eat. you have a baby. and then -- hey. >> eventually sign your papers. >> jay: if it works out, sure. >> we're unconventional. >> jay: now what is this clip we're going to see? what's happening? >> this clip is -- my character leigh and the boys that she just started hanging out with. and the boys are in trouble with the cops. and she kind of intervenes and comes to their defense. >> jay: here, take a look. >> leigh?

>> the issues here are threefold. number one, you got a nice community here. number two, you have no respect for -- >> hey. >> leigh london. how you doing? >> hi, rick. how are you? listen, i know these guys. can i help at all in this situation? >> no. this is police business. they're skating. >> and someone complained? or is there an ordinance against it? i didn't think there was. >> ma'am, i'm going to have to ask you to go away now. >> unless you have a valid reason to be cornering these under aged youths, what you're doing is called harassment. >> maybe i should take you downtown for impeding an arrest. >> am i impeding an arrest? if you have a reason to arrest them and you can prove it, then by all means take me down because i will understand. >> no more skating. >> but why, rick? >> you're a real piece of work. kind of a bitch actually. >> i'm sorry, what was that, officer? you know i'm a reporter for the associated press, right? [ cheers and applause ]

>> jay: i understand you just finished -- you did the "veronica mars" movie, correct? >> i did, yeah. we just wrapped it on monday. >> jay: oh, very cool. when does that come out? >> that'll be out, i think, early 2014. >> jay: oh, early 2014. come back before i'm gone. we'll talk about it. >> all right, i will. >> jay: congratulations. >> thank you. >> jay: say hi to lincoln. >> i will. >> jay: all right. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with jake johnson, right after this. ♪ hi, i'm cherry. and i'm here to talk about your bums. these are bum-wipes. do you think that would be quite an interesting addition to your dry routine? yes. so you like using them? i do. because you feel... ultimately clean, i guess. you're welcome to borrow my container. it's new, look at that. would you ever use these? i think i should. would you like to have a go? yeah, we could do that. it's awesome! [ cherry ] nothing leaves you feeling cleaner and fresher than the cottonelle care routine. so let's talk about your bum on facebook. where to next?

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: my next guest, a

a terrific actor who is best known for his role as nick on the hit series "new girl." his latest film was called "drinking buddies" it is available on itunes. it will be out in theaters on august 23rd. please welcome jake johnson. jake. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: nice to finally meet you. >> nice to finally meet you, jay. i'm honored to be here. >> jay: and i know you're from chicago, my favorite food town in the world. [ cheers and applause ] big chicago eater are you? >> yeah, you know, unfortunately i am. >> jay: yeah. you seem in good shape. >> now i'm in okay shape. >> jay: yeah. >> but when i booked "new girl" i was coming right off of living in chicago, you know, mr. beef's -- >> jay: mr. beef's on orleans, it's fantastic. >> deep dish pizza. >> jay: oh, and the seven layer pizza. >> yeah, the good stuff. >> jay: yeah, yeah. >> so i booked the pilot. and i'm really excited. it's the job of a lifetime. >> jay: right. >> can't believe it.

and i get a call from my manager saying, congratulations. i know how you like method actors. you know, the daniel day-lewis' and the de niro's. he said, "now it's time for you to go a little method." and i go, "what do you mean?" and he goes, "you have to lose 15 pounds before we start because you're too fat for fox." [ laughter ] >> jay: too fat for fox. >> so, i love chicago food, but i got too fat for fox. >> jay: you should have told them to go fox themselves. eat that chicago food. >> that's right. so now when i go back to chicago and see the pizzas and cheeseburgers, i love it. and i'm so happy. >> jay: demon dogs. >> oh, yeah. full of it. i hear, too fat for fox, too fat for fox. >> jay: did you ever work at one of those places? >> i did. you know, i worked at a burrito truck. >> jay: okay. >> in chicago there are these burrito trucks -- >> jay: right, right. sure, sure, sure. >> -- where they sell burritos on the side of the road. my job was to say, "chicken, beef, you know, veggie. get your burritio." and the guy next to me's job was to say, "our burrito's are better than sex -- with this guy."

and i had to go, "yeah, that's accurate. [ laughter ] chicken, beef, vegetable." >> jay: there's a whole routine. >> that's right. >> jay: so, it works out. >> that's right. >> jay: and then the truck takes off. very good. >> and then you eat a burrito and you get sick. >> jay: right. now, i understand you were the inspiration for that show "drunk history." >> yeah, "drunk history" on comedy central. [ cheers and applause ] it's awesome. watch it, it's great. >> jay: explain what the show is to people. >> so, "drunk history" is a a show started by my friend derek waters and jeremy connor directs. and it's somebody gets really drunk -- >> jay: right. >> -- and they tell a story about history and then they get actors to reenact it. it started years ago. derek came over to my house one night and we had nothing to do. we were struggling actors, we got a case of beer. >> jay: right. >> we got very drunk. >> jay: method again. >> method. >> jay: method again. >> and i've got a story that to this day i believe is true. the internet does not back it up. >> jay: okay. >> but it's about otis redding and the night he died. and so i tell the story and there is about three minutes of information. >> jay: right. >> but i take about 25 minutes to tell it.

>> jay: right, right. [ laughter ] >> it's over and i'm thinking derek is thinking what a great storyteller. this guy is the king. and i'm like, that's my story. i really thought that. >> jay: right. >> the next day he calls me up. he goes, "hey, can i get you really drunk again and film you telling that story." >> jay: yeah. >> and i go, "why?" and he goes, "the whole time i imagined otis redding next to you going, would you shut up you liar?" [ laughter ] so i said, "no." and then we got another buddy, mark, and we filmed the first one. >> jay: so, how many of these have you done? >> you know, i just did my second one. it's coming out on comedy central in a few weeks. but they now have a whole tv show. >> jay: oh, okay. >> so, it's pretty badass. >> jay: got a lot of beer. okay. [ cheers and applause ] now, you've got -- oh, you took the brace off. >> i took the brace off, yeah. >> jay: because you had a brace on your finger in the dressing room. what happened? >> well actually, you can kind of see the funky finger. >> jay: yeah, what did you do? >> well, i was doing a stunt for the movie i just did called "let's be cops" with damon wayans, jr. >> jay: a stunt? >> a stunt. >> jay: yeah, all right. >> you know, so all right, i'll just get into it. my wife told me not to tell the

story. but i'm telling it. >> jay: don't listen to her. [ laughter ] she doesn't know what she's talking about. >> that's right. take that, erin. jay leno said that. there is a scene where there is a little kid. a 12-year-old comes at me and i'm supposed to throw him. >> jay: right. >> so, they got a stunt woman to do it. and so, they got a little person. >> jay: okay. >> and so, you know, i'm trying to be really cool for the crew. >> jay: i don't need a stunt guy to throw a little woman. >> jay: sure. you're a man. >> i'm a 35-year-old man. >> jay: that's right. >> i can throw a little person over my shoulder. and so, i'm trying to be so cool. the director, everyone said, we have a stunt guy. there's a pro here. shut up, i got it. let's just shoot. we'll get it in one. we'll get it in one. so this little woman comes running at me. >> jay: the little woman comes at you. >> dressed like a 12-year-old boy. >> jay: dressed like a a 12-year-old boy. >> in like, a skater outfit. >> jay: okay. i take this little lady, and i whip her. and we fall back. and i'm trying to be cool and land perfectly and i fall and my finger bends back. and i rip the tendon off here. [ audience ohs ] but, by the way, the little person was fine. [ laughter ]

i have to act cool because of everything i did. so i stand up, i'm like, did we get it? they're like, yeah. can you go again? and i was like, absolutely. so we did it like four more times. >> jay: wow. >> later, i'm doing a scene and damon looks over in the scene and goes, your finger looks weird, man. [ laughter ] so, i put a splint on it and that was it. >> jay: some tears coming down the eyes. >> totally. >> jay: now tell people about your movie "drinking buddies." >> "drinking buddies" is a a movie directed by joe swanberg with olivia wilde, anna kendrick -- >> jay: good cast. >> great cast. really fun movie. it's about you know, two people who are in relationships who work at a beer breweries. >> jay: a microbrewery. >> the microbrewery scene. and kind of have a the grass is greener on the other side look at things. >> jay: are you a beer guy yourself? you seem like -- >> absolutely. >> jay: -- chicago. >> absolutely. all the stuff that's bad for you, i'm into it. >> jay: well, you don't drink beer in the movie, do you? >> no, we drink real beer. >> jay: so, you drink real beer throughout the movie? >> yeah, you know. part of the pitch that the

director said when he asked me to do the movie, i finished season one of "new girl." >> jay: right. >> i was pretty tired. kind of a lazy guy. >> jay: sure, sure. and i wasn't sure i wanted to do a movie. >> jay: right. >> you know? >> jay: i'm not sure i want to do a movie. yeah. >> i mean, jay, this was a low budget. i wasn't making any money. >> jay: right, okay. so i was like, all right. and then he calls up and he goes, "let me pitch to you what the job will be. >> jay: okay. >> eight-hour day. you're in chicago with your brother. my brother just had his son. so you get to see your nephew. >> jay: okay. and i want you to drink real beer. and if your character -- you know, if you drink too much beer then you and your character are both drunk in my movie. and i go, wait a second. so you just want me to drink beer. he goes, yeah, if you get drunk, great. i say, how do i say no to a job where you're told to drink beer? [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: now did you -- >> so, we drank a lot of beer, jay. >> did you drink a lot of beer to prepare for the role? >> the way i actually prepared for this role was my brother

dan when i was a little boy prepared me to be a little drunk actor. it's not how it sounds. we used to -- you know the game ding-dong-ditch? >> jay: ding-dong-ditch -- oh, is that the ring the bell -- >> ring the doorbell and run away. now, my brother who was four years older did a spin on that game. that is he would go up to a a house. he would make me spin in circles until i couldn't spin anymore. go, go, go. then he would ring the doorbell and he would run away. >> jay: oh, i see. [ laughter ] >> so, when the door was open i was like -- they're like, little boy, are you okay? and i'm like, yeah, i'm fine. and then once i would get my bearings i would take off. which helped me with drunk acting. >> jay: prepared for the role. >> that's my method, jay. [ applause ] >> jay: very good. now, do we have a clip from the movie? >> yes. >> jay: what's happening in this scene, do you know? >> yeah, olivia's character and my character are drunk, jay. >> jay: let's take a look. seems to be a theme. let's take a look. "drinking buddies." >> you have lost every hand. you are down a thousand dollars. i have yet to see my cards. >> will the casino kindly give

me another thousand dollars? >> i'll tell you -- >> i'm good for it. this is like college. >> i have never done this before. but i'll talk to the pit boss. we'll give you another thousand dollars. >> yes! thank you. >> you'd better win it back, kid. because if you lose $2000 i personally am going to bust your legs. >> i'm all warmed up now. >> how much? >> a hundred dollars. >> that low right now? >> you're right. let's get weird. >> $300. >> now we're talking, good luck, m'am. i really mean that. i do work off tips. [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: "drinking buddies," available on itunes right now and in theaters on the 23rd. jake, thank you, my friend. we'll be right back with phillip phillips. [ cheers and applause ] ♪