here's another story involving a mother. now this woman is helping the public deal with -- she has identical quadruplets. here's how she deals with it. here's how she tells them apart. take a look. there they are all dressed the same. they're all identical. they all look alike. how can you tell them apart? there you go. look at that. [ laughter ] [ applause ] that is also their employee i.d. at the apple factory. [ audience oohs ] oh, yeah, but you use your iphone, don't you, you bunch of hypocrites. don't give me that. oh, that's so wrong. you know, 911 operators have heard it all. but this one, here, take a a listen.

>> may i have the address of your emergency? >> this is not an emergency, but like i was wondering like when -- this is kind of embarrassing, but i got my penis stuck in an amplifier, the hole, is there any solution, i can get for -- or any advice you can give me by taking my penis out of the amplifier? >> take what out of your what? >> my penis out of an amplifier? >> out of an amplifier? no, i don't. i can send somebody there to help you. >> no, i don't really want help. this is really embarrassing. >> so, what is your address? [ dial tone ] [ laughter ] >> jay: we'll be right back with kristin chenoweth right after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ didn't phone it in.

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♪ >> jay: all righty. my first guest. a tony award winner, an emmy award winner and a lot of fun.

she'll be performing at the hollywood bowl on august 23rd and 2 -- two nights at the bowl. she sold out. she's gonna sing for us later but i thought that we'd talk to her a little bit first. please welcome one of our favorites, kristin chenoweth. kristin. ♪ [ applause ] >> did you miss me? >> jay: i did miss you. now i heard you had a bone to pick with me. what's up? what's going on? >> okay, so the last time i was on here, maybe some of you remember. i have a charity, maddie's corner and you said if i -- you know i don't like seafood. >> jay: right, i know you don't like seafood. >> i hate it. taste or smell, taste, all of it. you said if i ate sushi -- >> jay: right? you would make a donation to maddie's corner.

so he brought out sea urchin. >> jay: right. [ light laughter ] >> exactly. >> jay: very expensive. >> i don't care if it costs $10,000. so anyway, he brought it out, and by the way, it tastes like snot and b.o. [ laughter ] >> jay: it tastes like b.o. that's an interesting -- yeah. >> i'm trying to give the visual end of it. >> jay: you're quite a cook. okay, go ahead. yeah. [ laughter ] >> anyway. i ate it and i -- i just want you to know what some of my friends -- >> jay: wait, wait. show me. >> just wait. >> jay: okay. >> there are people on the streets, strangers that come up to me and think that you owe me more money. >> jay: really? why is that? [ cheers and applause ] why? why do i owe you more money? that was the deal. >> because it was $500 is a lot of money, yes, but you should have -- that should be triple that. and i want to show the clip to this audience. and i want them to tell me what you think. >> jay: first of all -- i gave you -- i gave you $1,000.

>> you did double it but it's double that. >> jay: you know what kind of woman i can get for $1,000? [ cheers and applause ] >> i don't know. what kind, jay? >> aaah! it's a worm. [ cheering ] >> jay: yeah! [ cheering ] >> so, i would like to know by show of applause, how many people think jay leno should give maddie's corner double, because i did not know!

[ cheering ] okay, okay. how many people think -- >> jay: how many think i should come up with something way more interesting for her to eat -- [ cheers and applause ] >> what is -- what is more interesting than that? >> jay: oh, i'll come up with something. i'll come up with something. next time you're here we will do that. >> okay. and i will -- i will make another donation. but i will come up -- >> a sizable one? i mean, that was sizable. >> jay: it was sizable. >> it was sizable with all due respect but that has snot and claws and eyeballs. [ light laughter ] >> jay: there was no snot in it. >> have you guys ever eaten sea urchin? >> audience: no. >> exactly. >> jay: now you were just in australia. >> i was. >> jay: now, what was goin' on down there? what was that? >> i went in tour all over -- all over australia. and have you played -- >> jay: no, haven't played australia. >> you haven't played the sydney opera house? >> jay: no, strangely enough they don't do stand-up comics

in the sydney opera house. [ laughter ] >> you know what, you should. >> jay: have you played chuckle comedy club? >> no. [ laughter ] >> no, but i've been to chucky cheese's. anyway -- thank you, thank you. >> jay: so you're doing a a concert at the sidney opera house. name drop. name drop, okay. >> let me just pick that up. it was -- it was absolutely amazing. and i don't know that the people there are amazing and the audiences are amazing. but the sidney zoo is my favorite. >> jay: oh, okay. >> i got to meet a koala. and i learned about baby koalas. first of all, a koala baby is the size of -- maybe about this big. >> jay: yeah, like a seed almost. >> it's like a little -- like a kidney bean. >> jay: right. and if it lives inside a jelly, a pocket of it. >> jay: right. >> it's a miracle that it -- because the mama is like, you're on you're on. if you fall out, sorry. if you starve to death, sorry. by the way, they eat their own poop. they regurgitate and they re-eat it. >> jay: $1,000! [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ]

yes. much like the koala. >> my poop? my poop? or it's poop. >> jay: no, no. that's disgusting. >> i can't believe i just said that. >> jay: what else did you see? other animals? >> i saw kangaroos. >> jay: a kangaroo. those are indigenous, yes. >> you know, to them it's like seeing for us like a cow. 'cause i was with a bunch of australians, so when i saw the kangaroos i was like, "aren't they pretty?" and they're like, "yeah." you know, they seem them all the time. but to us it's like a cow. >> jay: actually, it's like a a kangaroo. but yeah, yeah. >> you know what i mean. >> jay: how often do you see cows, really? you don't see cows -- >> i'm from oklahoma! >> jay: oh, that's right. you see cows all over. [ scattered applause ] anything else? any giraffes? anything like that? >> giraffes. okay, the tongues on the giraffes are about as big as my head. they're very, very long. they're thick. these tongues are so thick. it's like, thick. [ light laughter ] and they're like a brillo pad. >> jay: yeah. >> it's like -- and hair is on the tongue, it's not very attractive. >> jay: right, right.

now you are very -- you can do things with your tongue -- no, it's not a salacious comment -- >> why does he remember these things about me? >> jay: no, no but you can. remember you told me -- >> of course i can do tongue tricks, yes. >> jay: what tongue tricks can you do? >> i can do the roll. >> jay: the roll? oh, let me see -- >> everybody can do this. >> jay: okay. >> can you do that? okay. can you do the layover roll? okay. and i can also -- do the layover flat. i'm going to get a lot of prison mail after this. [ laughter ] >> jay: what's this one? [ audience ohs ] >> and i can also touch my tongue. you ready? i mean my nose. >> jay: yes. [ laughter ] the bleach is going into the brain. okay. [ laughter ] >> jay: wow! you got -- you got -- [ cheers and applause ] >> i tried to get everybody besides me. >> jay: you got all kinds of ways to earn a thousand dollars. look -- all right, more with kristin.

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♪ >> jay: welcome back. talkin' with kristin chenoweth and we --. you saw me a little under the weather. what happened? you all right? >> i am better now. and -- some people may have heard of meniere's disease. do you know -- do you know what that is, meniere's? >> jay: no, what is that? >> it's an inner ear disorder that causes vertigo. >> oh, okay. >> yes. >> jay: so you get dizzy -- you get dizzy and you get sick. and i know a lot of people who suffer with it, really

struggle. and being a performer is not -- not easy, but at least i'm not a window washer, right. i can still function. by the way, window washers are very nice people and it's a a great job. [ laughter ] anyway, so i went to the inner ear doctor to find out you know -- sometimes they do these maneuvers, jay, where they throw you into position to get these little bones that fall out of your scotch tape. >> jay: what? >> basically your inner -- your inner ear is like a piece of scotch tape. and you know how things get stuck and then they fall when scotch tape gets dull? that's what i have inside my head. yeah. anyway -- >> jay: so we know there's something in there. yeah. no, go ahead. >> jay!e thank you. read between the lines! >> go ahead. [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: ow, ooh. >> that's the southern way to say -- anyway. so i went to the inner ear

doctor and what he does is sticks this is tiny, tiny, tiny little camera down your ear and on the tv screen, on the wall you can see what's in your ear. and he'll take a little vacuum and suck things out. and i saw on the wall there's my inner ear and he goes, "kristin, lots of debris." i said, "i know, i know." he went and started getting in all the sudden we both -- we look and through the fog of all the other debris we see -- he goes, "what is that?" i said "what is that?" he goes, "what is that?" i said, "what is that?" he said, "it's shiny." i said, "it's pink." he said, "be very still. i can't get it with -- with this vacuum. i'm gonna have to get tongs." >> jay: all right. >> i got -- he went in there. he pulled it. it was kinda sticking. he pulled it out. it was a bedazzle. [ audience ohs ] from my phone because i love to bedazzle, as you know. >> jay: right, right, that's right. that's right.

you're from oklahoma. i remember now, yes. >> so i bedazzled my phone and one of those crystals -- i don't know how. maybe i fell asleep with it. who knows. and he goes, "is that from a a costume? and i said, i think it's from my phone." i seriously -- this is a true story, as is everything i say on here. >> jay: yeah. i pulled -- i pulled out my phone and there was a bedazzle missing. [ laughter ] and that was it! >> jay: that was it. well, there you go. >> he said he had never seen that in his career. >> jay: and i doubt he will ever see it again. [ laughter ] >> by the way, people, don't have bedazzles on your phone. >> jay: right. don't have anything that can come off and go into your ear. he says he pulled all kinds of things out of people's ears. >> jay: i'm so glad you told me that. and be -- or whatever to my phone. now the song you're singing, i'm fascinated -- you're fascinated by this anthony weiner story. >> you know, i am fascinated. i'm fascinated because i'm disappointed. >> jay: you're disappointed. >> in that situation. >> jay: men do these things?

you're actually shocked, really? would you vote for him? you're from new york? >> no, no. >> jay: no? you can't. >> no, i can't in good conscious. i mean -- anyway, i put a little song together and some advice for mr. weiner. >> okay. we'll get to that later. >> okay. >> jay: how about eliot spitzer? that's another new yorker. he's running. >> well, i don't know much about his politics. but i know that he --didn't he have -- at least he's with actual women. [ laughter ] >> jay: that's right. >> right? >> jay: that's right. >> i mean, it's not good, but he's not just going on the internet and putting a camera down there. >> jay: yeah. did you see the anthony weiner photos? >> yes, i did. >> jay: really? i did take a little peek. little being the keyword. >> jay: yeah, yeah. >> i mean, my peek, not him. of course. is this really happening right now? >> jay: yeah, it's happening. so you're doing the hollywood bowl all by yourself. that's very exciting for two nights. that's really impressive. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. woo!

>> jay: that's a great -- that's a great venue. is it hard being outside when the sound just kinda goes? you know, when your in a a concert hall, it reverberates. >> right. is it harder when you're just singing out? >> a little bit. but you know, as i think when i played in the bowl before. and i walk out there and i see the most amazing view because you guys -- i'm looking into the trees, and i've got "l.a. phil" behind me, which is one of the top orchestras in our country. you guys know how amazing they are. and then just to stand out there and sing, and -- the last time i was there i did sing -- i was singing an aria and i kid you not, at some point a a mosquito and/or a bug flew inside my mouth. >> jay: wow. >> so i'm hoping that that will not happen. >> jay: and he had a bedazzle on it. so it was bad. [ laughter ] kristin will sing a little later! thanks kristin. be right back with josh gad right after this. [ applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] enjoying breakfast together is a pretty wonderful thing. but when you have a picky eater... won't touch this. it can be a bit of a dance.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: my next guest earned a a tony nomination for his performance in "the book of mormon." i'm the only one on the show tonight with no tony nomination. it's really annoying. >> kristin: you got to go to broadway then. >> jay: i know, i know. he's now playing apple computer legend steve wozniak in the terrific new film called "jobs." it opens everywhere august 16th. please welcome, josh gad. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jay: hey, good to see you, we called you a couple of weeks ago and you were on vacation. where did you go? >> yeah i was on vacation.

by the way, i just want to apologize for this. we just bought a house and so my wife is making me return all my clothes after we're done today. >> jay: really? wow. [ laughter ] i've always wanted to do this by the way. ♪ because i knew you know because i knew you ♪ i saw her do "wicked" when i was and i don't want to age you or me. >> kristin: like ten. >> yes. it changed my life. and it was at that moment i knew i wanted to be a blonde bombshell on broadway. [ laughter ] >> kristin: thank you. [ applause ] >> jay: well that's worked out really well. >> i was on vacation. it was -- this joke has run its course, jay. [ light laughter ] >> kristin: tuck it in there. >> jay: now you're stuck with the tag. >> now i'm stuck with the tags. my damn wife. first rule of comedy. don't get stuck with something you hate later on. we went to hawaii. and it was one of those amazing vacations that was just extraordinary. i got a little bit of a jew tan. [ light laughter ] >> jay: oh, okay. i'm not sure if that's different from a regular tan but yeah. >> just more like olive tan, i guess. and i sloppier beard than

usual. >> jay: right. so what were the highlights of the trip? what did you do? >> well, we went on the helicopter, which was incredible. the thing about the helicopters in hawaii is that literally everything has been filmed there. so they have the "jurassic park" music and "pirates of the caribbean" music. and you go above these incredible mountains and everything. but we took my 2 and a a half-year-old who was buckled in and just fearing for her life. and she was doing really well on it. and it gets to the part where we go above the "jurassic park" waterfall? do you all remember that "jurassic park" waterfall? >> jay: yeah. >> the t-rex was like "grrrrr." and everybody was like, "oh no." and then the car crashes. so we saw that waterfall, and as the music starts and crescendos they're like -- [ making music noises ] my poor daughter literally wakes up. she goes -- [ vomit noise ] [ laughter ] throws up all over the dashboard. or whatever the helicopter equivalent of a dashboard is. the pilot starts sweating profusely. am i'm just like, "we're never going to be invited to fly again." >> kristin: did you clean it up? >> n