you've got to try this sweet & sour chicken helper. i didn't know they made chicken. crunchy taco or four cheese lasagna? can i get another one of those actually? [ superfan ] hey, america, we're here to help. ♪ there's no subtext... just tacos. yeah, it's our job to make you want it.

but honestly... it's not that hard. old el paso. when you gotta have mexican. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: all right. all righty. my next guests are a a world-renowned group from cuba. they're on tour and they'll be in in burnsville, minnesota at

the performing arts center on september 25th. tonight, they're performing a a song from their album, "buena vista social club at carnegie hall." please welcome orquesta buena vista social club. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ [ singing in spanish ]

♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ ♪

[ singing in spanish ] ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] ♪

>> everybody! [ singing in spanish ] ♪ ♪ [ singing in spanish ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: yeah! yeah! orquesta buena vista social club, nice job! thank you, good job! good job!

thank you very much! i wanna thank my guests. zooey deschanel, terry crews and orquesta buena vista social club. monday night, chris hemsworth! but "jimmy fallon" happening right now! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6a in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ]

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. thank you. thank you very much. oh, thank you very much. looking good out there. good looking crowd. great new york city crowd, right here. welcome, everybody. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." you guys feeling good? [ cheers ] welcome to the show, everybody. i cannot wait for this. next week is the new season of "survivor." [ cheers ] i love it. i'm a big fan. it premieres next week. but get this. so this new season has a good twist. it has returning contestants competing for a million dollars against their own family members. [ audience oohs ] yeah. so if you're wondering what it takes for people to be willing to be stranded on an island with their families -- the answer is $1 million. and then no less. nothing less. that's it. i'll do it. [ cheers and applause ] i'll eat bugs.

yeah, i don't care. that's right, family members trying to one-up each other for a chance at money and fame or, as that show is already called, "keeping up with the kardashians." [ laughter ] it's already out. it's a great show. [ applause ] hi, bruce. [ laughter and applause ] i can't believe this. we just had our primary for mayor here in new york city. and the new poll found that only 20% of new yorkers voted. it's got even worse. then 50% were like, "wait, giuliani's leaving?" [ laughter ] i like that guy. oh, this is pretty cool. doritos is asking people from around the world to submit videos that could end up in its super bowl commercial. yeah. then the jets were like, "sweet, maybe we will be in the super bowl." ♪ doritos doritos [ cheers and applause ]

did you see this earlier this week? russian president vladimir putin wrote an op-ed piece on syria for "the new york times" so that he could speak directly to the american people. yeah. and i guess he really caught the newspaper bug because now he's even doing sunday funnies for some other papers. i mean, this is true. take a look at this. [ with russian accent ] "i can make mondays disappear." [ laughter ] just helping out garfield right there. yeah. here's a "dennis the menace" cartoon that putin wrote. [ with russian accent ] "don't worry, dennis, you won't be hearing from mr. wilson anymore." [ laughter ] dennis looks frightened. >> steve: he's scared. >> jimmy: dennis looks frightened. the kid, poor kid. and the last one he's got -- it's a "peanuts" cartoon. [ with russian accent ] "i suggest that you do not remove football, lucy." [ laughter ] yeah, that's -- i wouldn't do it either. i wouldn't do it either. but, it's amazing. he's getting it out there to the

american people. this is pretty interesting. officials in washington, d.c. have proposed a 24-hour waiting period before people can get tattoos. of course, no one's sure of the exact details since the new law is written in chinese symbols. it's like -- i think it says "peace." i have no idea what it means. that's right. a 24-hour waiting period before people can get tattoos or as people who want tattoos put it, "you mean we've got to stay drunk for 24 hours? i mean, i'll do it. that's fine with me. all i want is 'peace' written like here in a different language. that's all i want." i was kind of sad to hear this. technical problems have forced an american man to give up his goal of crossing the atlantic ocean while attached to helium balloons. when asked how he felt about the defeat, he was like -- [ high pitched voice ] >> hey, you win some, you lose some. [ laughter ] i mean, you don't understand my life. i had nothing when i was growing up. i had no friends.

who wants to be friends with a kid with a voice like this? i have a high voice. i'm not even small. i mean, i'm six feet tall. i wish i was like a jockey or something. or given to someone who normally has this voice. but i'm not. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] show's over. show's over! >> jimmy: calm down, dude. >> steve: just helium balloons. >> jimmy: i was watching "america's got talent." i love that show. this week they had this -- you know, there's that dog trick. people doing tricks with dogs and stuff like that. really impressive. it's amazing what tricks these dogs do. but one trick seemed like it was a little awkward for one of the dogs. look at this. ♪ [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: what? weirdest coincidence ever. i caught my dog watching the same thing on cinemax. i was like, "your show's on! sorry, sorry." i was embarrassed. my dog was embarrassed. this picture is everywhere today. you probably saw it. this man in utah -- i love this dad. he's awesome. he's a great dad. and he gets dad of the year award. he was so annoyed, i guess, by his daughter wearing short-shorts that he decided to walk around in a pair of cutoffs himself. there's the picture right there. yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. he was like, "now do you see my point?" she was like, "uh, everyone can see your point." so -- [ laughter and applause ] [ as a teenage girl ] "thanks, dad. please change your shorts. take those shorts off and put jeans on or pants or something." let me see that picture again.

is it just me or does he kind of pull it off? i don't know. i'll talk to my therapist. i'll talk to my therapist. i don't know. >> steve: i'll pull them off. >> jimmy: of course, everybody -- everybody -- [ laughter ] [ cheers ] >> steve: right there! >> jimmy: put some sweat pants on! >> steve: ew. >> jimmy: ew. ew. of course, everybody is still excited about football being back. i mean -- [ cheers and applause ] football's so fun. and this sunday night, we've got the seattle seahawks and the san francisco 49ers going head-to-head. oh, this is very exciting. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: yeah. two great teams, right here. now, every year at the end of the season, they give out awards like most valuable player. but they also give out awards during the season, sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks. like most likely to succeed, class clown, stuff like that.

so with that in mind, it's time for "late night superlatives." here we go. ♪ late night superlatives ♪ >> jimmy: this is great. our first player is zach miller. he was voted most likely to request a rectangular helmet. [ laughter ] when they make those. next is phil dawson. he was voted most likely to be the love child of james carville and mr. clean. [ laughter and applause ] that was a close race. this is russell wilson. he was voted sexiest cabana boy. [ laughter ] we have michael bennett. he was voted most likely to star in the b.e.t. version of "duck dynasty." [ laughter and applause ] i didn't know they had a version of "duck dynasty." >> steve: i didn't either. >> jimmy: this is justin smith. he was voted most likely to be getting a prostate exam during

this photo. [ laughter ] just hurry the thing up, all right! just take a picture, man, all right! [ laughter ] >> steve: saves time. >> jimmy: this is -- multitasking, man. this is christine michael was voted strongest christine. [ laughter and applause ] that's interesting. here we have mike person. he was voted most likely to have made up his name on the spot. [ laughter ] uh, what? the name's mike. >> steve: mike what? >> jimmy: you need a last name. uh, mike person. [ laughter ] mike person. will tokuafo, he was voted most outgoing. that's interesting. doesn't seem that way to me. doesn't seem that way. this guy, max unger was voted most likely to drink his own pee in a nonemergency. i don't even know -- [ audience ews ] what does that mean? why does he do --

i don't know why. and last, of course, andy lee was voted best hearing. there you go. those are your nfl superlatives. we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots, everybody! oh, my goodness! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what a great week we've had, and what a great night to end with. we had -- "joking bad" was great. we did on the show, and it got a lot of good pickups. and people enjoyed that spoof we did of "breaking bad." so i want to thank those guys. bryan cranston, aaron paul was in that. colin quinn did a cameo in that. which was really fun. we got surprised by kanye west. came monday night, just stopped by. by the way, nice guy. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i thought he was going to be, like, punk. i didn't know what he was going to do. i was like -- i mean, he has grilled fangs, like gold fangs here. and he was wearing a kilt.

but besides that, great guy. [ laughter ] super nice, super -- like, he was awesome. he was on time. i loved him. he played with the roots. then we had justin timberlake came by. [ cheers ] and we did a bit. we did a bit, "the evolution of end zone dancing." and we did a bunch of different end zone dances. we showed a bunch of different dances that players could do after they score a touchdown. and we had some pretty good ones. look at this. we had the "earthquake waiter," which is basically you just walk around after you score a touchdown and you do this. you just walk around like -- [ light laughter ] people will get it. then we also had "the football spin." this is where you just pretend you're spinning the football, and you spin it. and it spins on the side. but then, it turns into it's the love scene from "ghost." [ laughter ] and so one player can get behind the other player and mold the football. yeah. then, of course, we had the "manti te'o on a date." that was an interesting one. anyway, you can see -- you can see the whole thing on

our youtube page. but the reason i bring it up, i want to challenge -- issue a challenge to all the nfl players playing this sunday. you know, the nfl frowns on these end zone dances. >> steve: they don't care for them. >> jimmy: they don't care for them at all. >> steve: do not do it. >> jimmy: is what they say to the players. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: and they fine them. but i'm saying this. the first person to do one of our end zone dances, i will match your fine and give it to your favorite charity. [ cheers and applause ] do it for the charity! do it for your charity! do one of our end zone dances! check out our bit on youtube! pick a dance and do it! it's a really good thing. watch this sunday. see what happens. >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: we've got a great show tonight. she's a great actress. oh, we love her. every single time she comes by, we have so much fun with her. scarlett johansson is here. [ cheers and applause ] he is a hip-hop superstar. drake is going to talk! perform!

[ cheers and applause ] he's going to do a brand new song that no one's ever heard before. he's going to do it tonight. and also, he's going to play a game of charades with me and scarlett johansson. so i can't wait for that. we have fun. we have fun here. we have fun here at "late night." so thanks for tuning in. today's friday, isn't it? [ cheers ] it's friday. today's friday. that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. i check my inbox, return some e-mails and, of course, send out thank-you notes. [ cheers ] i was running a bit behind. so i thought, if you guys didn't mind, i would like to write out my weekly thank-you notes right now. is that cool? do you guys mind? can i do that? [ cheers and applause ] you're the best. james -- oh, my god. it's james poison right there. oh, my god. james poison. [ cheers and applause ] james, you are fantastic. i have all of your albums. [ laughter ] i have all of your albums.

james, can i get some thank-you note writing music, please? ♪ aw. it hurts so good. yeah. the first cut is the deepest, man. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: yeah. beautiful. ♪ thank you, britney spears' new song "work bitch," for sounding like a motivational poster written by jesse from "breaking bad." [ laughter and applause ] ♪ thank you, the new study claiming men with smaller testicles make better fathers, though i wasn't a fan of the study's name "awesome dads, tiny nads." [ laughter ] that's weird. >> steve: that's rude. >> jimmy: the whole study's weird. >> steve: rude. no need for that. >> jimmy: no. ♪

thank you, "the scarlet letter" 'a,' for being the original tramp stamp. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] first one. ♪ thank you, chopsticks, for making me feel like i'm playing the claw game every time i try to eat a piece of sushi. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ thank you, stethoscopes, for letting doctors listen to my heart, something i'm still learning how to do myself. [ audience aws ] ♪ [ high pitched voice ] it's all because of this helium voice. [ laughter ]

[ squeaking ] seven! [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, people who go camping every weekend, for letting me know that you have enough money to live like you have no money. that's very interesting. it's a fun game. it's a fun game we play. ♪ thank you, bowling balls, for looking like you're freaking out about having a dude stick his fingers in you. [ laughter ] there you have it. those are my thank-you notes. we'll be right back with scarlett johansson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ tires screech ]

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a tony award winning actress who you know from her work in movies like "lost in translation," "vicky cristina barcelona," and "the avengers." starting september 27th, you can see her opposite joseph gordon-levitt in a great

new love story called "don jon." please welcome back to the show our pal scarlett johansson everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, scarlett johansson. scarjo. >> yes. >> jimmy: do you like that nickname scarjo? do you hate it? >> jifa? jifall? >> jimmy: jifa is pretty good. jifa. i will take jifa. scarjo sounds cool though. >> it does? >> jimmy: jifa sounds like a pet hamster or something. this is my hamster jifa. i don't know what jifa sounds like. it sounds like a weird football league or something. >> it sounds like a fungus. >> jimmy: it does sound like a fungus, but i'm a fun guy. [ laughter ] i just had a heart attack. i had a little stroke. thanks for coming back here pal. >> thanks for having me.

>> jimmy: last time you were here we had a great time. we had the first lady, michelle obama was here. >> yeah. >> jimmy: wasn't that fun. >> that was amazing actually. >> jimmy: the whole show was fun. >> i know, and also we were talking about downstairs there was all this secret security going on. it was all very like first ladyish. >> jimmy: it was very first ladyish. how did you get out of the building? >> how did i get out? >> jimmy: did you get mobbed? >> i slept here. >> jimmy: you did. that's right. i remember that. i made you breakfast the next day. she likes pop tarts in the morning. that's very cool. it's very simple. >> jimmy: "don jon." first of all, look at this. very pretty human being. [ cheers and applause ] very good looking human being. >> i haven't even seen that. that's nice. >> jimmy: you haven't seen it yet? if you're on a magazine, do you pick it up? do you read it? >> apparently not. >> jimmy: but do you shy away from those? do you have them rip the covers off for you? >> no, i don't know. i never -- >> jimmy: it would be odd, i guess. >> what? >> jimmy: it would be odd, i guess. >> i could go in with like giant sunglasses and a hat and buy all the copies. >> jimmy: give me the new "bazaar" please.

i'd love that. >> i have my grandma buy it for me and she gives it to me. >> jimmy: my mom and dad always buy -- they buy every magazine in the rack. >> my grandmother has all of them. all of them. she also likes to read all the tabloid stories as if they're real. she calls me and tells me a couple months ago, "i'm so happy, bubbie, you're adopting a baby." >> jimmy: grandma, i would have told you that. >> no, i'm not adopting. yes you are. no, no i'm not. >> jimmy: she wants the truth scoop. she should work for like tmz. it would be great. your grandma running around with those guys. "don jon." my man joseph gordon-levitt who i love, talented guy. >> yes, he is. >> jimmy: great actor. but, he wrote and directed it. >> he did. he's like embarrassingly talented. he makes me feel bad about myself. >> jimmy: he works to hard. you're so supertalented by the way. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i say this every time you come on. let me just remind you. broadway, you won a tony. you put a record out that was amazing where you sang. you act in giant movies like