>> now on "ok! tv," kris and bruce jenner calling it quits. we have the pigs lit. split.g >> jane lynch reveals how the tears were flowing on and off the set. >> and the biggest stars on the dance floor. are the moves taking a toll on the celebrities when the ballroom goes dark? one-on-one with gene simmons. he is no stranger to shocking moves. the iconic rocker is opening up about marriage. ley stealing his signature move. >> i think everybody should stick their tongue out.

>> all of your favorites together in one work room. >> stop making excuses. >> project runway all-stars is back and we have your look at season three. entertainment. gossip. life. team ok starts now. >> welcome to "ok! tv" it is what everyone is talking about, the split of one of america's most watched couples. the first tore report the separation. what can you tell us? >> the couple has finally confirmed the worst kept secret in hollywood. releasing a statement in which they are concerned that their marriage is over. they said that they are living separately and are much happier that way. they went on to say that even though they are separated, they will always remain best friends and their family will remain their number one priority.

that begs the question, what went wrong? the tension in the relationship began about three months ago, around the same time that kim kardashian gave birth to northwest. -- north west. jenner had moved to malibu, where he has led a separate life for the last three months. much at must be so stake with the separation. is there a prenup? >> there is no prenup. despite the relative calm right now, it could get bitter. the couple's fortune is said to be worth more than $175 million. >> is this all going to play out on the reality show? >> of course it is. the couple's marital rose -- woes will be a big story. i can't also tell you that usrces close to bruce tell

that although he is contracted for one more season, he does not want to appear. that could spell trouble for the cardassian empire. ardashian empire. >> we want to know what you have to think. are you surprised by the separation? it is our question of the day. his untimely passing shocked the world and fans can mourn together. lynch talked about the touching episode. a bigt season will be episode because the family has lost an amazing cast member. we are all morning -- mourning. it will be a tough one. >> how does the show plan to deal with that and keep it as light as it has been? >> that is the challenge. the thing about "glee," it does not stay light.

it asks the hard questions. it always has. ryan has never shied away from things like bullying. this is something we have to deal with. he have lost our quarterback, literally. we have lost the man who plays the role and now we have lost the role in the show. the episode is a memorial , but also they passing of finn hudson, the character. guys wrote all of the first season and they are executive producers. it is really beautiful. radary on "ok! tv," online celebrity news. >> we are with the entertainment editor with radar online. let's talk about lady gaga. she has some lawsuits pending. >> lady gaga is all about protecting her brand.

there is a brand called gaga jeans. thathave a special zipper goes horizontally to provide easy access. lady gaga does not like this. she has fired off a stern legal letter saying that you cannot name her name -- your genes after me. she wants this to stop. they are too sexy for her. ry celebrated the birth of her new son and a name has been picked. wax it has and it has -- it is so cute. esteo, it is a really touching tribute to her husband. >> rebel wilson is doing quite well as an actor-comedian. the diet companies are starting to court him. >> not only do the movie studios want him, jenny cragg and weight watchers are fighting to have

her be there spokesperson. she worked for jenny cragg in australia a few years ago and lost about dirty pounds. -- jenny craig a few years ago and lost about 30 pounds. the thing is, no one cares what she weighs. they just want to see her and laugh with her. >> her stock is going up. for all the celebrity inside news, check out radaronline.com. stars" isg with the in full swing. no one knows better than shandi finnessey. she is in los angeles, seeing how the stars are handling the physical demand of the competition. >> shandi finnessey here in hollywood. the dancers are getting extremely demanding. i am asking the stars how they are holding up and more importantly, how their costumes are holding up.

are very scantily dressed. are you worried about having a wardrobe malfunction? >> no actually. -- it is actually kind of malfunction-proof. many little things that the public do not see and how it is put together. >> i am in there. i am covered up under here. >> i have to do a check. >> whose job is that? >> it is mine. >> pint sized is your size. >> i do not think my size matters. physically, my body just crashed. >> how does dancing with the stars rank among your accomplishments? >> it is unique. it is like nothing else i have ever done and it has been great. it is like a lot of things i have done.

i came in second as a hula dancer when i was 11. >> can i see? >> sure. hula hand ♪ >> coming up, shocking details revealed. taking you inside the hotel room where janis joplin spent her last hours. plus, legendary songs from legendary artists. tol the web guy is talking sir elton john. >> you are watching "ok! tv."

>> ♪ yeah we got it ♪ singer janisrock joplin is getting a new show on broadway. inside the hollywood hotel room where her life tragically ended 43 years ago this month. >> i am here at the highland garden hotel in the heart of

hollywood, where a rock icon spent her final hours. room.s is janis' toome here every october 4 celebrate her life. >> do you still get the basely feel -- the basic feel of what the room was like? >> we started calling because she did not show up to the session. finally, they showed up and got the road manager to get a key. we all had drug use back then. it was a fact of life. she shot up. she went to the front desk to get change for the cigarette machine. and just fell on the floor over by the corner. a lot of times, in the middle of the night, the toilet flushes or the tv comes on or the lamp comes on. closets, you walk in and the closet doors are open almost

every morning. the front door has been open on several occasions. it is just strange things happen. >> the artwork has remained untouched. love her fans. she absolutely adored her fans. and they love her. " takes youk, "ok! tv behind the scenes of the broadway show "a night with janis joplin in new york." >> you are a professional animal wrangler an expert. >> i have been handling animals for the past 20 years. likeall is said, you look that, and i am from the bronx, so i am urban tarzan. i was on a highway in pennsylvania for a wild life theif that was jumping and

snatching at me. i have been bitten by alligators, crocodiles, but that beaver -- >> you found an ostrich in a grocery store. >> with animals, people hire them to do certain things for promotions. they can go haywire. >> i want to talk about -- >> she is a little grumpy. >> she is awake. >> when she gets a hold of me, call 911. do you hear that hissing? that means she is not happy. she is not even a very large one. she is about 12 feet long. from the everglades and she will bite any chance she gets. no joke. on theas his finger pulse of all things pop culture. this week, paul the web guy meets up with a rising star singing a classic and the legend

, sir elton john, for what you need to know. '> 16-year-old singer lourdes breakout single is number one in the country right now. she has such a unique voice, we had big hear her sing some beatles. thing i can tell you is you got to be free come together right now over me ♪ to hear you sing. so awesome. i recently got to chat backstage with keith urban at the i heart radio music festival. he is known for his country style. with so many genres in the house, i had to find out if he collaborates. do you like to be around all this music and these kinds of people? are you see somebody in the hall and thing, i want to work with you? >> sure.

i bet that happens a lot. >> because i want to do a rap album with you. >> give me a sample. >> i am with keith urban we are --lling like an urban adn and drinking bourbon. did not make the cut. i also caught up with elton john and we talked about how much piano is in his new album. >> we are very happy with it. it is a very mature record. it is the most yeah no-based record i have made in my life. i have made more than 30 records. that is saying something. the are very proud of it. >> cannot wait to hear it. so glad to have you here. >> i am glad to be the oldest person on the show. >> make sure to check back here every week. , talking tongue with gene simmons.

is miley taking the rockers move? and take a style cue from your favorite stars. what you can expect from season three of roddick runway. runway.ct >> you are watching "ok! tv." [ male announcer ] this is mike. mike's being healthy and chewing like a man. with one a day vitacraves for men. it's a gummy multivitamin with more b vitamins, which help convert food to energy,

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>> he is the ultimate rock star with lots of ladies in his past and that famous tongue. we talked to gene simmons about family, football, and miley stealing his signature move. not hang around. i did not want to become one of those statistics. i have been together with her and the kids 31 years. it took me forever to realize i have to marry my best friend. that was two years ago. i decided to reaffirm our vows. >> from the stage to the field, these days he is hitting the gridiron and he is hoping one of football's most famous reagents will hop on board. >> i am one of the few guys that owns the only football of any kind in los angeles. we have an offer out to tim toow, who we would be proud have on our team. >> he may be new to sports, but

we know this signature move, a pose miley cyrus is bringing that -- back. >> i think it is great. everybody should stick their tongue out. it is must be in there. she is a grown woman and should be able to do whatever she wants. you pan and criticize all of the divas or you leave her alone. everybody treated the same way. i think this is the one. >> "ok! tv" is going cover to cover. >> the beauty and fashion editor of style magazine is here to talk about the brand-new fall trends in shoe wear. let's start with the over the knee boot trend. >> you must be very careful. there is a fine line between trendy and tacky. no-no.gs are a

fine leggings that match your boots. you will be wearing a miniskirt. let's not show too much leg. >> you do not want to look like pretty woman. there is a fine line. the next one is stacked heels. this also means comfort, in my opinion. >> stacked heels are comfy. multiple layers of wood. trend isto nailing the to wear it so you can see those layers. the matter what color your boot is, your heel should be a natural green. >> and a new accent on the pump. >> it is very french and very sexy. bitkey is to show a little of the arch of your foot. it is a very sexy part of the foot. we are showing off. fall. a pointy toe for it makes your legs look longer and leaner. >> i love it. they do for stopping by. or the latest, you can check out

the latest issue of star magazine. >> coming up, taking you beyond the catwalk. >> what i am seeing in here is not all-star quality. >> the stars and the designers shining bright in the new season of "project runway: all-stars." find us on facebook. follow us on twitter. or go to oktvusa.com for all of your entertainment news. entertainment. gossip. entertainment. gosshey! are you the new colgate® slimsoft™?

your bristles are so slim! [ slimsoft ] my floss-tip™ bristles are up to 17x slimmer than other toothbrushes. they easily clean between teeth and along the gumline. wow! so slim! [ male announcer ] colgate® slimsoft™. floss-tip™ bristles for a deep clean. ♪ [ male announcer ] laura's heart attack didn't come with a warning. today her doctor has her on a bayer aspirin regimen to help reduce the risk of another one. if you've had a heart attack, be sure to talk to your doctor before you begin an aspirin regimen.

>> the show that inspires the ultimate in creativity for fashionistas is back. this time with another crop of designers and a brand-new post. the third season of "project runway: all-stars" hits lifetime with alyssa milano running the show. here is a sneak peek of the new season. thanks so much for watching and you can always pick us up on facebook, twitter, and instagram for your latest news. thanks so much for watching. >> what i am seeing in here is not all-star quality. any of you could go home. >> the pressure is kicking in. >> i am going to rip your fat little head off. >> welcome to the american museum of natural history. >> one of the classic elementary schools. >> this is awesome. >> i cannot feel my fingers. >> you do not know when she is

going to crack, but she is going to crack. >> roger crybaby. >> sometimes i judge close on whether or not i think beyonce would wear them. >> nick cannon. >> nina garcia. >> kristin chenoweth. >> i cannot believe that came out of my mouth. >> you are an all-star. captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org--

(upbeat march play ♪ good morning, usa! listen, rose, you're gonna go on and make lots of babies, and you're gonna watch them grow. promise me you'll survive. never... let go. (cooing) (thudding against ceiling) very nice audition. thank you. thank you, mr. rivera-perez, for writing a play as brave as piñata man. a lowly piñata maker who pretends to be as empty as the toys he makes. oh! thank you. thank you.

who's next? you have my headshot, correct? uh... yes. excellent. forgot to strike my prop. (crickets chirping) then duper said we were out of paper clips, so i went to the supply closet, and guess what your old dad found behind the post-it? (gasps) had my big audition, and... (imitates gunshot) (gasps) ...killed it! good for you! that's great! hey, i was in the middle of a story! you found the paper clips. terrible story. anyway, the director liked me so much, i got a callback for the lead. it's the role of lifetime. much bigger than my voiceover work on pac-man, the animated series. i eat ghosts like you for breakfast! (imitates pac-man video game sounds) what do you think you're doing? that's the big piece. yeah. so? the big piece goes to the big dog, aka me. and what makes you the big dog? um, everything.

i'm smarter than you, i'm stronger than you, i can wet-nurse better than you. (fluid leaking) easy, girls. sorry, stan. anything you can can do, i can do better. i can do anything better than you. no, you can't! yes, i can! no, you can't. yes, i can. ♪ yes, i can! ♪ no, you can't! ♪ yes, i can! ♪ no, you can't! enough! can't we have one meal without you two getting into an angry singing contest?! why is everything a competition? yeah, you guys should just (bleep) and get it over with. clearly, they have repressed sexual feelings for each other that they're channeling into hostility. how's that psych 101 class going? it's only day three, but i understand how the whole world works now. roger, while you act in your little community theater plays, do you know where i am? jerkin' it? i'm on undercover cia missions acting for an audience of ruthless thugs, terrorists and assassins. and if i'm unconvincing or forget a line, i don't get a bad review. i get a bullet to the head. life-and-death stakes. that's real acting. your a bad ass, dad. you guys don't really do that james bond stuff.

and you, that's enough from you for the night! it's bedtime. go to your room. get back here. give me a kiss. you're a good boy. you just frustrate me. so, what's on the agenda for tonight's sleepover? well, after pizza, we'll retire to my tree house, watch an '80s crap fest, say critters or critters ii, and cap it off with a foray into demon worship, courtesy of the ouija board. no! last time i summoned a demon, and now he won't leave me alone. delicious! (groaning) oh, wait, wait. you dorks still have slumber parties? (laughter) look, they're not slumber parties. i mean, trust me, when the four of us get together in a bedroom, there's not much slumbering going on. (laughter)

have you ever seen the word piñata, miss lopez? it has that squiggly line over the "ñ" that looks like an eyebrow. or a stain upon the soul. oh, rehearsing for your little play audition? well, i have a big undercover mission tonight where i'll be doing some real acting. no, he doesn't. he's so lying. you know, stanislavski says that acting is the grandest lie. oh! (gasping) (school bell ringing) you guys ready? yeah, uh, i just remembered. i got to go get my circumcision touched up. and... toshi and i have to get to a taping of benson. wait. you're all bailing on the sleepover because people made fun of us. maybe we are too old for sleepovers. we're not kids anymore. there's a person inside big bird! but the best moments of our lives have been at sleepovers,

remember? ♪ i know we got to grow up sometime, but damn it, not today. i say we plan one last sleepover. two weeks from today. the sleepover to end all sleepovers. who's with me? all: we all... had a black friend! (crickets chirping) (engine starting) (indistinct chatter) bullock: hurry up, people!

the indonesian drug cartel will be here any minute. it's almost show time. smith, you need to get into wardrobe and makeup. he really is an actor. sir, they're pulling up. places, everyone. ♪ good evening, gentlemen. right this way. (whispers): that's your cue! magic time. water? what did you say? water? you're offering me water, but somehow i'm not buying that you are really offering me water. it's a setup! (screaming, gunfire and glass breaking) what the hell were you thinking?! improvising a line?! there's a reason i never give you lines, smith. you can't act!

stan, don't blame yourself. oh, thank you. that's acting. how cool is this? he got shot in the back of the head. now he's just like a puppet. hope he doesn't mind i'm doing this. 's all right? 's all right. [ male announcer ] has your phone turned you into a control freak? like, scoring the perfect table? ♪ or getting a better seat?

♪ or let's say there's an accident. if you have esurance, you can use their mobile app to start a claim... upload a few photos... and get your money fast. maybe that doesn't make you a control freak. more like a control enthusiast. esurance. insurance for the modern world. now backed by allstate. click or call. how'd the big mission go last night? uh... fine. wa-ter? wa-ter? what are you doing, roger? what-what... what am i do... what am i doing, stan? wa-ter? well, whatever he's doing, it doesn't sound genuine. i don't believe he's really offering you water. all right, i can't act, okay? (laughs) you guys should have seen it. a whole room full of agents killed by stan's bad acting. god, it was terrible! hilarious! big piece for the guy who didn't create 14 widows last night. (sighs) you're right.

you're a real actor, i'm not. i was jealous because i never get the cool parts in undercover missions. how did you get to be so good? i had a great teacher. you should look him up, tell him i sent you. "irwin beyer, junior, acting coach." this-this is you, isn't it? i'm-i'm gonna get down there, and it's gonna be you. it's a strong possibility. now, i'm afraid i have some bad news. i've got a callback next week for the new play, piñata man, and since i'm going to get it, that means no class for a while. no! no! no! log that emotion, save it for a rape scene. okay, we still have this week. let's get to work. peter and bess, you'll be doing a scene from hamlet. jamie and darryl, you'll do our town. and stan and stacey, i'm giving you one of the most riveting scenes ever put to paper: wargames, act two, scene 19. david and jennifer, broderick and sheedy are trying to flee goose island to prevent global thermonuclear war. but david's about to face his own personal war.

tic, tac, go. maybe we can swim for it. (stilted): no. no, i can't swim. you can't swim? no, i can't. okay, wonder woman? i can't swim. i always thought there was going to be plenty of time. i wish i didn't know about any of this, and tomorrow it would just be over. oh, god, i really wanted to learn how to swim. somebody remind me to cancel my ambien prescription. (chuckles) okay, stan, we're going to run this scene all week until you make it perfect. the rest of you will get no attention from me, but there's no refunds, so... your move. that's the one. those are the pajamas we should wear for our last sleepover. i don't know. the striped ones are better for hiding unwanted pillow fight boners. no, no kimonos. i'm sorry, we need to get on the same page here.

can we think about it? you can. i can't guarantee that the pajamas will be here when you return. just this morning, there were four other boys looking at these same very jammies. they (chuckles) smacked of rich. come on, this guy's full of it. (stilted): i really wanted to learn how to swim. (blows raspberry) i give up! i'll never learn how to act. stan, you need to make a personal connection with the character-- and you have one. just like david doesn't know how to swim, you don't know how to act. stacey, i want to try something with stan. go get me a butterscotch. a butterscotch what? stan, we're going to do this again, but this time, i want you to exchange the word "swim" with the word "act." maybe we can swim for it. (stilted): no, no. i...

(fluidly): can't act. you can't act? no, i can't. okay, wonder woman? i can't act. i always thought there was going to be plenty of time. i wish i didn't know about any of this, and tomorrow it would just be over. oh, god... i really wanted to learn how to act. (cheering and applause) (all murmuring approvingly) oh, stan! you can act. okay, let's finish the scene. wait, we can't finish the scene-- they kiss. so? i'm not going to kiss you! you're... you! you can't be a great actor unless you commit. forget it, i'm not kissing you! i wasn't sure, so i got butterscotch pudding, butterscotch candy and butterscotch morsels. wrong. wrong. wrong. pudding man!

who knows why that didn't work? okay, so we're all agreed. we're going to go with the pepperoni. (hissing) oh, i don't know. pepperoni doesn't seem like a last sleepover pizza. you know, because pepperoni starts out as one stick and then you have cut it all up. i fear it sends a message of separation more than unity. you're killing me! don't bite my head off! yeah, don't bite his head off! shut up, barry! you're just going to eat all the pizza anyway. hey, don't lob factual statements at me as if they're insults! can we all just calm down and pick a pizza? you mean can you pick a pizza?! you're the one pushing for a sleepover, even though we all know we're too old for this crap! learn english! learn... english! (grunting)

(screaming) stop! all of you just stop! you know what? i don't think we've outgrown sleepovers. i think we've outgrown each other. the all is lost moment! atención! i have the cast list. now, when they announce me as the lead, i want you to pop this bottle of champagne and pound it so you work up the courage to go buy me cocaine. ha! i'm going to want to celebrate. let's start with the male lead. a real sparkling talent. for the role of piñata man... stan smith! (gasps) what? i'd like to thank mr. rivera-perez for giving me a last-minute audition. i'd also like to thank my acting teacher who unknowingly trained me to steal this part right out from under him,

making me the better actor and, once again, the big dog. (barry panting) the all is lost moment!

francine: ...will return. (spanish accent): you don't know what it's like to taste the pico de gallo of a man's heart. (spanish accent): i know too well, hombre. our chips inside us are the same, no? lo mismo. salty. salty with tears. would the señor and señorita like hear about the nacho especiale? cut! you don't have any lines. stop improvising! i need to be heard. i have 20 people coming to see me.

i'm crushing hard on one of them. do you know what that's like, mr. rivera-perez? you're a gay, amateur director. you must've crushed hard on someone along the way. daniel? maybe, maybe there was a daniel in your life? yep... don't need anyone else to have a good time. just, uh, going to entertain myself. (grunting) oh, hey, ho-- hey! hi! wh-what are you doing here? we got an e-mail that the sleepover was back on. i didn't send any e-mail. i did. ronnie? that's right. the forgotten fifth member of the sleepover gang. but you moved to scottsdale years ago. how did you...? let's just say someone sent me an e-mail about what went down. i understand you guys got in a big fight. look, you aren't mad at each other.

you're mad at growing up. and i'm mad, too. but we gotta get over it. tonight, we gotta... sleepover it. but first, i suggest you all turn around so you can see steve's mom undressing through that window. mmm, look at them tig ol' bitties. ♪ atención, i have terrible news. jacinda and her understudy were both injured in a freak accident. how are we going to do the show without a leading lady? luckily, i met an ingénue today who knows the play by heart. everyone meet cleshawn montegue. ♪ diamonds, diamonds, friends and men ♪ ♪ diamonds! i can't believe you sabotaged those girls. really? seems like something i would totally do. get ready, stan. i'm going to to act circles around you out there. we'll see. may the best actor win. this is sparta! this is sparta!

(louder): this is sparta! jimmy: this is sparta. stop it, jimmy. you don't know what we're doing. ♪ (spanish accent): are you the piñata man? (spanish accent): sí. (whispers): he waits so long between words. (whispers): because he's good. (crying) (grunts) (gasping, applause) (grunts) (cheering and applause) whoa! (cheering escalates) why did i give my heart to a man who breaks everything he makes? everything you make breaks! (audience murmuring)

everything i make breaks! you break and you break and you break and you break! ♪ 'cause i be breakin' and makin' ♪ ♪ and takin' your heart. ♪ you been shakin' and fakin' ♪ ♪ and snakin' from the start. ♪ ♪ earthquake, bake cake ♪ flank steak, ricki lake. what you ladies want?! ladies: ricki lake! fellas?! fellas: flank steak! ricki lake! flank steak! ricki lake! flank steak! out! (cheering and applause) listen to that! they adore my acting. not for long, because next is a love scene. you won't be able to kiss me. the play will go off the rails, and once and for all, it will be clear that i'm the better actor. you... y-you don't know what it's like to taste the pico de gallo of a man's heart. i know too well, hombre.

our chips inside us are the same, no? lo mismo. salty. salty with tears. (murmuring) hmph! (moaning) you call that acting? (moaning) this is acting! that's nothing! man: oh, good lord. (audience groaning) (groaning continues) (disgusted groans)

(gasping) i'm acting the crap out of you. public indecency?! we weren't really doing it! we were just acting! you know why they thought we were having sex? because our acting was that damn good. no, because your acting was that damn good. no, you. you were a very generous scene partner. hey, i was just feeding off your amazing energy. (engine starts, siren wails) i, i don't get it. they're friends again? told ya. they just needed to (bleep). steve: that night, we had the best sleepover of our lives. maybe because we knew it was our last. in the morning, our childhood would evaporate like a dream, and we'd head into the dawn of adulthood. we never figured out which one of us e-mailed ronnie. in fact, to this day, i'm pretty sure he was just some black dude who overheard us planning our sleepover in the pizza parlor, but he sure was awesome. oh, my god. look at ronnie! you're doing it, ronnie!

you're doing it.

pelton [over pa]: it's hard to believe finals are here. back. and i know during this stressful time, my voice blaring over a pa can't help. which is why, for the next three days, you'll hear nothing but soothing sounds of nature.

and to kick it off, here's a babbling brook. [water burbling on recording over pa] will anyone back me up if i say this is ridiculous, or is it gonna be another avatar situation? i loavatar. okay! we're not gonna have trouble passing our final. i've transcribed notes from my digital recorder. you record every class? spoiler alert. you mean, nerd alert. alert nerd. here's a spoiler. we're gonna spend the next three days boning up. then pass the exam and move on to spanish 103. sounds like a good ending, annie. except for where i take spanish 103. what do you mean? spanish 102 fills my language requirement. i guess i just figured we're a spanish study group, so we'd keep taking spanish together. that's what i thought too. i'm in. i'm on a tight, four-year schedule to replace my bachelor's. i'm not gonna take an extra class. spanish has value beyond credit. jeff: not really. i know the family downstairs hates me.

i don't need to understand why. okay, fine. you want me to say it? i'll say it. i like this group. i want it to stay together. [group chattering] annie: yeah, you be the cool guy, jeff. and next fall when that gets lonely, i'll be in the front row of spanish 103. [group chattering] monday through friday, 6:00 a.m. six-- [pa clicks on] pelton [over pa]: and now, crickets. [crickets chirping on recording over pa] [the 88's "at least it was here" playing] ♪ give me some more time in a dream ♪ ♪ give me the hope to run out of steam ♪ ♪ somebody said it can be here ♪ ♪ we could be roped up tied up dead in a year ♪ ♪ i can't count the reasons i should stay ♪ ♪ one by one they all just fade away ♪ okay, if we're not interested in spanish 103 next year,

what about anthropology? ooh. anthropology. the study of man. i'm still trying to forget what i learned about that subject. go, girl. you just go-girled yourself. shut up. annie: see, it's fun. and they have a class at noon. noon, everybody. anthropology? anthropology? anthropology? annie, i'm not big on planning ahead, but i have one unmovable appointment, may 23rd, 2013. to buy a flying car? i have a table at morty's steakhouse where i'll celebrate becoming a lawyer again, which can only happen if i take a full load. don't. a full load of classes every year. i can maybe make it until then, but not by building my schedule around bffs. we'll build ours around yours. you realize we'll be friends whether or not we have a class together? of course you think that, britta. it's obvious from your name your parents smoked pot. i haven't said a single word in this entire conversation and i find that outrageous.

hola, el losers. winger, may i have a word with you in private? sure. good. shirley: sorry. oh, yeah. got it. cool. chang: come back in 10 minutes. and if anyone asks, i sent you to learn things. and, pierce, close the door, please. gracias. other side of the door. [♪] so you're here because your college degree was fake, right? i prefer the term better than real, but yes. two questions: where did you get it? could you have prevented being caught, and how? one question: where did you learn to count questions? are you telling me you need a fake degree? you know, in high school, i was in a band. we could've been huge,

but the world wasn't ready for an asian man on keytar. did you say "keytar" or did you pronounce "guitar" like a hillbilly? keytar. it's a keyboard you can play like a guitar. oh. get with the times, man. anyway, next thing you know, i'm 32. and i'm bagging groceries for, like, 5 bucks an hour plus tips. shocked? confused. i'm supposed to tip my bag boy? so i did what anyone would do. i faked my way into a job as a spanish teacher at a community college, relying on phrases from sesame street. oh, my god. save the judgment, winger, all right? if the dean finds out that i'm not a real teacher, your grades are invalid, and you'll all have to repeat this class. [chair creaks] that was the chair. good. [imitates jeff] good. [♪] [mumbling indistinctly] it's unsolvable.

[♪] hold on. i forgot my-- hey. what the hell are you doing? hey. hey, come back here! come back here! jerry. hey, jerry. check this out. [♪] man [on recording]: and that is what milton was really saying. okay, exams are on tuesday. class dismissed. chang [on headphones]: if the dean finds out that i'm not a real teacher, your grades are invalid

and you'll all have to repeat this class. if the dean finds out that i'm not a real teacher, your grades are invalid, and you'll all have to repeat this class. [chair creaks on recording] that was the chair. right. [♪] hi, everybody. hi. i'm afraid i have some bad news for you, kids. well, it's actually bad news for the older people as well. señor chang is no longer with us. um. he's not faking his death again, is he? because i can't handle that. first, he's alive. then we're happy. and then he's alive again and-- i received an anonymous tip that chang had misrepresented certain aspects of his qualifications. for instance, having them. word of advice. if an asian man says he's a spanish teacher, it's not racist to ask for proof, okay? you ignore your mother's voice, get into that horse's mouth. so if chang's a fraud, what about our grades? are they invalid?

oh, no, no, no. that's not fair to you guys. i'm sure you've all worked very hard and learned. so just take your final with chang's replacement. doctor. [♪] buenos días. all: buenos días. [in spanish] all: sí. buenos días. all: sí. listen to this back and forth. it's like i'm at an embassy. what's on the final? [speaking in spanish] i know it's in spanish, dummy. what chapters? all three or...? veinte. oh, i know that one. she wants a large coffee. oh. she's thinking.

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i couldn't understand a word dr. escodera was saying.. and why is she teaching spanish if she's a doctor? go cure something. [car alarm blaring] i gotta pass that exam or my entire four-year plan will be thrown off. that might be your car, jeff. what? i was on my roof for the 4th of july, the fireworks set off the car alarms. that one sounded like a brand-new lexus. my lexus isn't brand-new. i know. yours is a 2002. that's the year i heard it. [yelling] hey! you two-faced jag. you're wearing protective goggles to destroy my car? safety first. stop! i ask you for help and you turn me in? what? i did not. why would i screw myself? what am i, dr. drew?

i didn't do it, okay? [keytar plays] tell me who did it so i can murder your face. guard: hey, break it up. oh. oh, oh. we're writing a song. for the battle of bands. [both singing indistinctly] [yells] good luck passing your exam, winger. at one point, i was teaching you klingon. why don't you tell that to your weird-sounding chair. i have a condition. [grunting] i'm peeing. i'm peeing. i'm peeing. [♪] [whistling] impressive. i dismantled that valve and i put out that free cake

because i wanted to see what you could do. you got a gift, kid. you know that, right? a gift for sinks. big deal. i'm a student. i like learning. yeah, right. learning. learn everything. learn until you're dead. or... you can call this number. that's a company that fixes toilets and sinks. oh, man. listen to me. toilets and sinks, real things. things that people always use and always need to get fixed. this is a life, kid. a real one. doing something that matters, that makes sense. the only thing that makes sense is this. learning, thoughts. so i can think, and get a student loan, and grind my own coffee, and understand hbo. you don't have to do that, kid. you're special. you could be a plumber. [door closes] you could be a plumber. [toilet flushes]

hey. hi. [♪] okay, so we know three kinds of verbs, which took 40 minutes. at this rate, if we don't sleep or pee, we can cover 10 percent of the exam. if it's multiple choice, 25 percent of our guesses will be right. that's a lot of right answers when you're guessing everything. i don't wanna sound like a defeatist, but we're defeated. [all chattering] face it. why even take the exam? we're all gonna be retaking spanish this fall. [shirley groans and annie sighs] what was that? what was what? i don't know. i said retake spanish and everyone went, "ugh." and you went, "hmm." maybe it's one of those recessive genes. i can also curl my tongue. who else? [all laugh] annie ratted out chang. what? you made this happen because you're obsessed with all of us being together. i wouldn't say i was obsessed. permission to treat the witness as hostile?

i'll allow it. did you record yesterday's spanish class? i don't think so. abed? you said you record all your classes. pierce called it a spoiler alert. you heard chang tell me he was bogus. and then dropped the dime because you would do anything to keep this group together. because you are insecure. because you didn't get hot until after high school. that's true. fine. i did it. for real, annie? oh, annie. someone make her a dude so i can punch her. go ahead and hate me. it's better. we were all gonna drift apart. you were all too cool to do anything. maybe not too cool, maybe just, you know, not psycho enough. a little crazy. little psycho. now she is going to make the disney face. her lip is gonna quiver her eyes will flutter, but they won't ever actually close. but do not feel sorry for her. she stole a year of our lives, and we're right to be pissed.

oh, annie. no. no. everyone close their eyes. do it. close them. abed, close. oh, don't worry about me. i can only connect with people through-- movies. she's the ark of the covenant. [gasps] you guys, i'm sorry. i only did it so that we could stay friends. picture her as paul giamatti. [all groan] i mean, he's-- friends don't do what you did to us. did the sisterhood of the traveling pants poison each other's food so they were too sick to leave? no. i've never seen it, but i'm pretty sure they mailed each other pants. i said i was sorry. who cares if you're sorry? we're still screwed. be sorry about this stuff before you do it. then don't do it. it's called growing up. we were gonna see each other all the time. yeah, that's what my rehab group used to say. the only one that keeps in touch is the guy that sells jewelry made out of bottle caps. i had hoped that this group would amount to more than passing hellos

and whatever the hell this is. [annie crying] nobody even think about going after her. that's what she wants, more personal drama so we fail the exam and stay in spanish forever. we have to beat her. don't text her. don't call her. don't mention her. we do not need her to study. [♪] does anybody know how to study? annie usually-- whose side are you on? [♪ awesome cheeseburger. no, it's not. it's not awesome? no, it's not a cheeseburger. look what's on a pretzel bun now. wendy's new pretzel pub chicken. now that's better. fruit, with a cool finish. fruit on one side. cool on the other. ice breakers duo. a fruity cool way to break the ice.

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[animal grunting on recording over pa] pelton [over pa]: happy finals week, greendale. continuing our stress-reducing nature sounds, that's cut five from sounds of the serengeti. here's a b-side from that album, "antelope slaughter at ndutu." [lion roars & antelope shrieks on recording over pa] oh, god. did we miss the exam? no, it starts in 40 minutes.

uh, i can't wake up pierce. is this gonna take an unexpected turn? you have to know how to do it. discrimination lawsuit. preposterous. should we call annie? absolutely not. keep your eyes on the prize and let her grow up. i'll see you all at the exam. wait for me, britta. i was with you in the bathroom yesterday. you're with me everywhere. i know you could be a plumber. i'm not gonna be, okay? i'm gonna be sophisticated and have no job, or a job that looks from a distance like i do nothing. troy, you know what the best part of my day is? ten seconds from the time i sit down in spanish to the time i look at your desk. because i think maybe i'll look and he won't be there. [♪] between our studying for 12 hours, and pierce being asleep for 11 of them, i think we may actually stand a chance. my horoscope predicted suffering. no, no, that's good. horoscopes are the devil trying to trick us.

mm-hmm. oh. [♪] yeah. that make you happy? why aren't you at your desk? i don't wanna sit near you because you're a bad friend. he said the best part of his day is when he thinks i won't be there. abed, what a terrible thing to say. it's from a movie. then the movie it's from is terrible. [in spanish] where's annie? oh, i sent her a text. she hasn't responded yet. shirley, what did i tell you? don't play into her ploy. [cell phone buzzing] what does it say? she says she's fine and this isn't a ploy for attention. she's sorry. she does need to grow up, starting by making things right with chang. oh, no. what? he'll kill her. [in spanish]

[in english] who cares about a stupid exam? we're a study group. and annie's our friend. [in spanish] [clears throat] i'm friends with hannah too. the whole class is. and you can't have an exam without a class. right, guys? we love hannah! we love hannah! all [chanting]: we love hannah! we love hannah! annie: no! no! oh, no. the devil told the truth. oh! oh! oh! chang: whoa. winger, what the hell? what was that screaming? i was showing annie the magic of electronic sampling. [annie's scream playing on recording] we thought you were murdering her. annie getting me fired

was the best thing that ever happened to me. she's helping me re-plan my life. she's got a real mind for stuff like this. we're gonna find ben a job so he can stay as a student and work on his teaching degree. and music classes, you know? maybe get the band back together, huh? [keytar playing] oh. listen to that. yeah. music lessons would be great for you. oh, thanks, britta. now go pass that test. [chuckles] [♪] well, it was kind of easy, right? i think i might have passed. jeff, i can never forgive myself for what i did. look, i treated you like a child for having feelings. maybe because that's, you know, when i stopped having them. but you shouldn't. you don't have to be a kid to admit that you like people. and you don't have to dress like this to grow up.

you look like a travel agent. you don't like it? i was going for more of a professor thing. what? why? what? nothing. i got half of it, which got me through the half i didn't. like the first season of the wire. exactly-- ah, hell, i can't stay mad at you. i think i nailed it. oh, me too. i'm feeling pretty confident. i think we're gonna make it. still, we should plan for the worst-case scenario. because if we do all pass, that means next year, we won't have a class together. so we're gonna need a backup. anthropology? anthropology? anthropology? anthropology? [all chuckle] anthropology. abed: anthropology. anthropology.

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plubarnes, troy: 68. bennett, shirley: 81. oh! edison, annie: 95. hawthorne, pierce: 70. nadir, abed: 85. perry, britta: 79. winger, jeff-- i'm sorry, jeff. i'm sorry for the half-hearted mislead, 80. we all pass spanish. [all cheer] not to take anything away from anyone, but didn't the test seem extra easy? i don't know. uh-uh. [♪] hey, thanks. for making it easy. i was going to say the same to you, but you were gone before breakfast. i'm an early riser. i'll say. [both chuckle]

mac: look, bro, i'm only gonna be here for about ten minutes. i got to get my pump on. i have a very big day. man: i'm sorry. i can't let you in. i don't understand why you're insisting on jamming me up here, bro. i'm not trying to jam you up. i just don't believe you. what is not to believe? i am absolutely dennis reynolds. this picture looks nothing like you.

well, thank you. because i have actually packed on about 15 or 20 pounds of solid bulk muscle since that picture was taken, bro. it's actually a testament to your gym. i'm gonna need you to either buy your own membership, or get out. mac? yeah. hey, tranny. - carmen. - yeah. sorry. how you doing? wow. you look great. that's a good tuck job. you have it taped back there? - no. - it's good. it's actually gone. i had the surgery. - get out. - yeah. that's fantastic! oh, i thought i was gonna get a phone call after the old snip, snip, 'cause we talked about that, but... what are you doing this afternoon? how's it going? uh, it's going good, pal, but, uh, the lady isn't interested. uh, mac, i would like you to meet my husband, nick. husband? you're married. (carmen laughs) great.

charlie: now, what are you guys saying? they're good almonds, right? they are tasty. these almonds? yeah, they're fine. i found them in, like, in a little pile in the alleyway. a squirrel must have piled them up and then got hit by a car. why? why? why? why? why did you feed us alley almonds? why wouldn't you tell us that? they're perfectly good. guys. guys, guys, i've got news.

i've got huge news. so i went down to the gym this morning, right? i was all amped up, 'cause charlie and i found a bunch of nuts. i was so full of protein, okay? i went to get my pump on, but i couldn't get my pump on. now i know what you're thinking. clearly, i did get my pump on, but that's 'cause i just did a bunch of push-ups outside. also, why i'm out of breath. what in god's name are you talking about? is this the big news? no. i ran into the tranny. she got her (bleep) cut off, and she married a dude. - oh. - oh, that's great. congratulations to her. - no, that is not great. - no? that is a gay marriage. uh, i got a question for you. one's a girl, one's a guy. - yeah. - and how is that gay? well, for starters, clearly, her husband is a homosexual, okay? you were with the tranny. what are you saying? no, charlie, that is completely different, and you know it. yeah. no. he's right. that's different, 'cause this new guy-- if i'm hearing correctly-- he waited until she got her (bleep) cut off before he banged her. - but that means... - no. look, who gives a (bleep) if gays want to be miserable like everybody else and get married? let 'em do it. it's no skin off my ass.

no. marriage is a wonderful thing. it's between two people who decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together because they love each other very much. i'm all for it, and i think everyone should be entitled to it. oh, oh, everybody up on their high horse of marriage all of a sudden. marriage is about procreation, okay? this is a gay marriage. can you get babies out of that? i don't think so. uh, that is a persuasive argument. you should take your powerful extension cord argument straight to the supreme court. mm-hmm. they'll love it there. run that right up the ladder, right? mac, dude, look, i think you're just getting upset that the tranny married some guy that's not you, and that's what this is about. no, no, charlie, this is about the big man upstairs, - okay, getting boxed out. - oh, (bleep) it clearly says in the bible that gay marriage is wrong, okay? and i'm gonna show you. where's our bible? - where's our bible? - where's our damn bible? - we don't have a bible in here. - yeah. - why don't we have a bible? - we never have. it's a bar. okay, i see what's happening here. all right, i don't have enough facts to support my argument. - clearly. - but i'm gonna find a bible... and then i'm gonna come back, and i'm gonna school you sons of bitches, okay? because you guys are trying to confuse me.

you're trying to confuse me, because that's what god's work... ah, uh. oh, he's getting himself all worked up, huh? yeah. very worked up. very worked up. you know, i always thought i'd be married by now. - what? - what? yeah. well, i don't know. i... all that talk about marriage and everything-- it's got me thinking about myself and my situation, and i guess i always thought i'd be married by now. what the (bleep) are you talking about? frank, i'm talking about maureen ponderosa. oh, my god, dude, don't start in on this. maureen ponderosa was my girlfriend in tenth grade, and we were so in love. you remember maureen ponderosa, right, charlie? i remember her dead tooth, dude. what? dead tooth? she didn't have a dead tooth. you guys remember her brother bill, bill ponderosa? oh, that guy was like a walking cliché. he was hot, great buns. yeah, and i remember, every time you tried to talk to him, you'd (gags). i got a little gaggy. it's only 'cause he made me nervous, but he was, he was very handsome. what is it with you two and the ponderosas? i think i might call her up, actually.

(sucks in through teeth) charlie, not in the corner. put 'em in the closet, tuck 'em in the back. all right, frank. come on... you got-- - oh! - not on the floor! - dude, my back! - charlie, look at this. i've been saving these for years. - what? - (charlie groans) i think i slipped a disk, man. stand straight or something. ugh! frank, i got to go see a chiropractor again. oh, right, i just keep paying medical bills, right? - is that it? come on... - i keep lugging pennies. you're in pain? here, let me hit you with a two-by-four. - you won't feel anything. - no. i don't want to play that game anymore. all right, crack my back. all right, can you crack my back, please? crack your back. all right, come on, turn around. give me that. you ready? way up. (both groaning, bones crunching) oh! oh! oh! - did you get my back? - oh, my back. oh! - i'll get you... - oh! (bones crunching) oh. aah! oh, my back. aah! i need it again. (both groaning and muttering) (frank muttering and sighing) charlie... - don't touch me. - all right, all right.

this is gonna sound crazy. i just got an idea. if we do that domestic partnership thing that gay guys can do, i can totally get on your health insurance. you won't even have to pay for the chiropractor. (both panting) you proposing to me? come on, man. no. i'm saying, we're already friends, right? (groans) let's be friends with benefits, right? - i really got to see... - all right, all right, look into it. i mean, you got to hit me with the two-by-four. - i got too much pain. - it's bad on me, too. - it's bad. - all right, i got you. hit me in the head. hit me good. phew! i feel really nervous, dee. i haven't seen maureen in, like, close to 15 years. - i was really in love with that girl, huh? - yeah. no girl has ever really had this effect on me, so i don't know how to deal with it. it's crazy. yeah. i know what you mean. i'm feeling a lot of butterflies myself, too, you know. i mean, it's, like, "oh, i'm gonna see bill ponderosa." (dee stifles gagging) - is that gonna happen? - maybe bubbly water. maybe if you get me some bubbly water. (nauseating) slow down and get... here we go. - dennis! - hey, maureen! wow. look at you. you look amazing! - you look amazing. - oh.

who's this? is this your husband? - this is bill. - hey, guys. bill? no. wow! oh, wow, right? i would not have guessed that was you. - yeah, i gained a little weight. - did you now? oh, well, no, it's hardly noticeable, hardly noticeable. i do notice the ring, though. oh, good for you. you got married. - that's good. - yeah. yeah, ten years now. yeah, she's amazing. so are my two kids. - huh? want to see a little... - no, no, no, that's okay. i mean, good for you. it's awesome, but, you know, nobody'd really ever wants to see that, just fyi. uh, look, this has been a fantastic stroll down memory lane, but i am going to hit the road. maureen, great to see you. bill, you take care of yourself or whatever. excuse me. all right. well, uh, yeah, well, this has got to be a little awkward for you now, bill, right? 'cause you're here, and we're sort of having a... you know, probably gonna have a little sit-down breakfast, and now you're a bit of a third wheel, kind of wormed your way into our situation. yeah. not really. you know, i just came to catch up, so...

no. but i can leave you guys alone, i guess. yeah. oh, yeah, that would be great. that would be great. hey, take care of yourself. it was good to see you. yeah. i got to pick up the kids. - sure, pick up the kids, yeah. - bye, bill. - hey, you want to sit down? - yeah. great. hey, god, man. maureen ponderosa. i can't even believe those words are coming out of my mouth. - i know. - god, look at you. look at you. you look great. you're still quite a catch. - you look just like you did in high school. - oh. hey, do you remember all the good times that we used to have in the back of your dad's datsun behind this place? oh, man. so much romance. mm. hey, how is your dad? dad died last year. - did he die? - yeah. oh, that's... that's too bad. it happens, you know. he was getting up there, right? i mean, it was probably natural causes, or... suicide. sui... suicide? car exhaust, yeah. i had to break the window of the datsun, so... oh, yeah, it was one of those. - one of those, huh? - his eyes were so yellow. okay. yeah. oh, oh, maureen ponderosa!

- yeah. - oh, yeah. dennis reynolds and maureen ponderosa back together again at last.

hey, carmen. carmen, hey, i want to show you something. - oh. hey, mac. - yeah. - what's going on here? - oh, good. i'm glad you're here, too, okay, 'cause this pertains to both of you guys. i'm about to do you guys a huge solid. ready?

"men with men committing indecent acts--" you two-- "...will receive the due penalty for their perversion." (laughs) word of the lord. okay, what is it you're trying to say, mac? i'm saying that in the eyes of the lord, your marriage is an abomination, and if you don't get a divorce, you're going to hell. i love people tripping all the time. - can i see that for a second? - yeah, but i'm not tripping, - okay? it's all right there. - oh, no. yeah, just... it's gonna take you a little while to flip through it, 'cause that book is long as (bleep). - oh, yeah, i like this one. - yeah. - exodus 21, verses 20, 21. - mm. "when a man strikes his slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies, he shall be punished. if, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, for the slave is his property." that's, that's not what i'm talking about, though. that's not my thing. well, so you're saying you're gonna whup my black ass with a rod for as long as you like, and as long as i get up after a day or two, we all good. that what you're telling me? no, i wouldn't whup on you with anything, whether you were my slave or not. it's just... that doesn't really pertain anyway, - because that section is not from the same time. - oh, oh, really?

- well, what time is your section from, mac? - mm-hmm. look, i came here to help you guys, okay? and as a gay man, there's certain things you need to know about the afterlife. - i'm not a gay man. - yes, you are. - you're banging a dude. - look, if anything, you're the one that slept with me when i was a man. - oh, that's it-- you're gay. - no, no, no... - he's gay. - if this is about you and me, then just say that. i'm never going to admit that, carmen. but come on, i mean-- him? what do you see in this guy? i mean, look at my body compared to his. i'm a hard body. you're a hard body. we could be hard bodies together. not hard body and... i thought we established that there was going to be a phone call after the procedure. and then you had the procedure, and i never got that call. instead you called this soft body and you gay-married him. and now you're calling me gay, telling me i'm tripping and trying to confuse me with your liberal biblisisms. man, my guess is you've been confused for a very long time.

- all right, take it easy. - oh, oh, oh. thank you very much. all right, dude, okay. i admit this is more paperwork than i expected, all right? but that's-- frank that's because this domestic partnership thing is really worth doing, dude. there's a lot of perks in these bad boys, you know? there's a lot of jelly in these doughnuts here, frank. but, charlie, you still haven't told me how this (bleep) is going to be good for me. - me. - it's all in here. all right, okay, all right, think about this for a second. now, you're definitely going to have another massive heart attack or stroke - in the next few years, right? - definitely. alright, well, what's going to happen when you go on life support, dude? dennis and dee are going to pull the plug on you so fast, your head is going to spin. but think about this, frank, you know who's not going to do that? this guy right here. this thing-- this is so much complicated stuff, charlie. look who it is? guys, you remember maureen ponderosa, right? - charlie! - ooh! hey, maureen, how are you? dead tooth. let me see the dead tooth. - what's he talking about? - oh, he's, uh... pipe down, frank, pipe down.

so listen, guys, we just got married. - what?! - yeah. yeah, we're married. maureen and i got married. what is wrong with you? it's not what's wrong with me, frank. it's what's right with me, and that's this little piece of paper right here that we just signed. it's our marriage certificate. now we're married. boom. hold on a second. you just had to sign a little piece of paper. they gave frank and i, like, a million forms for our marriage. you guys are trying to get married too, huh? that's weird. well, we're out of here. so, good luck. oh, my god, what is the matter with him? - did you smell her breath? - are you kidding me? it smelled like she was nibbling on little (bleep). wait a second, wait a second. dennis, you're married? yes, man, i'm married. i'm a married man. yes, she's actually here, dude. it's awesome. she's in the bathroom. she's brushing her teeth. yeah, she must have eaten something a little bit sinister. must have been the funyuns or something, i don't know. whatever, it doesn't matter. anyway, the point is, i am having, this is crazy, but i'm having feelings again. like-like some kind of 14-year-old kid or something. you remember feelings, right? yeah. i have feelings every single day of my life. - do you? - are you saying you don't have feelings?

well, i'm saying i built up a shell. a shell around myself. a cold, calculated, heartless shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage. and that's what she did, dude-- she broke that shell with marriage. in a good way, if i'm being unclear. and that brings me, actually, to my next point. i need you to move out-- like now, like right away. what?! why do i have to move out? it's my apartment, too. uh, actually, you know what, mac? turns out it's not your apartment, because you never signed the lease, if you recall. - 'cause your credit was so bad. - oh. well, what am i going to do with all my stuff? you know what, believe it or not, i've been doing some inventory and it turns out you don't actually own anything in this apartment. - that can't be true. - it's shockingly true. yeah, yeah, every single thing in here is mine. for instance, that shirt that you're wearing right now. that was my shirt. and then i got tired of it, i threw it in the trash and then you fished it out of the trash and you cut the sleeves off it, as you are want to do, 'cause that's your thing, but whatever. also, listen, i don't want to rush you on this either,

but i did have to drop you from my cell phone's family plan. oh, and i'm going to need you to stop using my name at the gym. because i'm getting a lot of phone calls about that and that's a little embarrassing. - can i say something? - yeah, totally. (slams door, sighs)

for more "sunny."

oh, there we go. - oh, hey. - hey, how you doing? - hey, hey, hey. - no, no, no. - you got a minute? - no. quick question. yeah, i'm kind of in the middle of something right now. - let's do that-- - yeah, yeah. yeah. that's easy. okay, no problem. that's better. why do you people keep bothering me at the gym? i'm so sorry. it's going to be a quick question. charlie-- you remember me, right? - yeah. - frank. no, i don't remember you. look, my friend and i, we're trying to get, like, a gay marriage situation going on and he's all tripped up about some issue. and now he's uncomfortable talking to me. i figured you're an expert, so we could talk to you. all right, fine. just go ahead-- - what? - good. go. charlie and i-- we're going to get married.

who would be the man and who would be the woman in that situation? neither of you would be the woman. you're both men! are you kidding me? is this what you've been upset about the whole time? which one of us is going to be the woman? yeah. i'm not going to get my (bleep) cut off and sold to china. spend the rest of my life on a treadmill like this guy. what are you...? what?! i don't want to be the woman, charlie. and i don't want to see you be the woman. neither of us would be the woman, dude. we would both be men. we'd be two cool, straight dudes married together. oh. well, i never thought of it that way. why, two dudes getting married-- that doesn't seem very gay. yeah, right? it's not... yeah, right, yeah, okay. you know what, let's not argue on this - or think about it too much. - no. - two cool married... - dudes. - dudes... not gay. - two dudes. - i'm down with that. - all right. - excuse me. - bump it, bump it, bump it. - gay dudes married. - two gay dudes married. is my role in this done now? uh, any more questions? no. i think i got it. hey, did they really sell your (bleep) to china?

no. i can tell by your stare the answer is no. told you, frank. that's crazy. dee, hey, we got to talk. wait. you can't just come barging in here like that. what are you doing? okay, look, it takes a big man to admit defeat, but you were right, i was wrong. everybody should be able to get married to whoever they want. which got me thinking about you and me. oh, no, i'm not going to marry you, if that's where this is headed. what? dee, i would rather get shot in the face. okay, then what are you doing here? i'm glad you asked. i'm moving in. also i need to get on your gym membership, because i got to get back in there asap before i lose this pump. what's with the beers? are you carbo loading? no. (gagging) oh. what are you doing? - are you going to throw up? - no... then why are you gagging? oh, that... because, dee, that triggers my gag reflex, too, and then i feel like i'm going to throw up. it's fine. i had some bad spaghetti. (both gagging) dee, look, the point is-- the reason i came over here is because you were totally right about this marriage thing, okay?

it is a special bond between two people in love. and everybody deserves... (both gagging) ...that right. look, i'm thinking that... i got to throw up. - i'm gonna throw up. - no, no, no. not in there. oh, sorry. uh... wait. i know you. bill ponderosa. (gagging) where are you going? hey, maureen ponder... hey. i was just going to go meet up with the guys. but i thought we were going to watch a movie tonight. watch a movie-- yes, we were. yeah, you know what-- but i feel the need to reconnect with the guys. so... but you know what, you can watch a movie without me. - what? - yeah, yeah, yeah. oh, god. dude, we have so many great, great movies here. got a lot of action films which is very, very exciting. got all the lethal weapon movies, which is cool. including the one that i made with the guys-- lethal weapon 5. yes. amazing film, truly, truly. although it gets a little confusing halfway through

because mac and i decided to switch parts. he wanted to play murtaugh for some reason. yeah, and i'm not going to lie. his use of blackface i found a bit regrettable, but... come on, it's our first night as a married couple. i want to spend it with my husband. oh, yeah. i see that you're wearing another one of those kitty cat sweatshirts... - meow. - ...that you seem so fond of. and you've glued some jewels and some flowers and things to it. - uh-huh. - interesting. i like to be comfy and current. yeah, yeah. i did not remember that about you. - you don't remember a lot of things, silly. - yeah. now you get yourself on that couch. i'm gonna go make us fish sticks. uh, i don't-- i don't think we have any fish sticks. i bought some. yeah. i don't particularly like fish sticks, but... - dennis... hey. - hmm? i love you. aah, i love you. (clearing throat)

yeah. (trio chanting backwards)