>> reggie, i was trying to have lunch. what'd you call us down here for? >> yeah. what'd you call us down here for? >> first of all, i got a surprise for you. and secondly, ain't nobody called you. >> and fourthly, you too dumb to

be getting smart with anybody. >> so what do you want me to see? >> oh, cora, it is not a what. it's a who. >> he got a big turkey in there. >> introducing my frat brother, mike! >> hah! hah! hah! hah! hah! >> [ groans ] >> ooh. you all right? hey, pleased to meet you. >> i knew it! i knew it! he trying to pimp you out, cora! you ain't gonna pimp my daughter! get you some of this, dumb juan! [ men shouting ] >> hey! hey! hey! [ whistles ] hi. i'm cora. >> hi. pleased to meet you. >> and this is my daddy, mr. brown. >> yes. i'm her daddy. >> mike here, he's a big-time football recruiter at decatur u. >> wow, that's impressive. >> yep. yep. that's impressive. >> yeah. >> yeah. you're a big-time recruiter, and your friend is just big. >> hey, cora, in college, i used to be better than him at everything. >> please. >> football... >> nope. >> baseball... >> are you kidding me?

>> women. >> you pitched a no-hitter on and off the field. >> heh. yeah, but that's all changed now. >> hah! no, it ain't. >> so, mike, what brings you to town? >> oh, he came to see me about a job. >> really? >> yes. i'm gonna have my frat work with me at decatur u. in illinois. >> doing what? y'all got an eating team? >> no. coaching. >> coaching what? the eating team? >> football. >> reggie coaching football? you got to be -- be serious. be serious! [ laughs ] oh, you're serious. >> of course he's serious. >> yes, the university is looking for an assistant coach, and this is the best man for the job. >> really? that's wonderful, reggie. >> cora, that's whack. that sandwich this boy got hidden in his drawer is a better coach than he is. >> i ain't got no sandwich hidden in my drawers. >> hey, coach, bite me. say cheese. >> mr. brown. reggie, so does that mean you

have to relocate? >> yeah, maybe. >> yes! yes! like i was saying, reggie is the best coach in here right now. windows touch laptops withers intel inside on layaway. here's what they say. i do love the touchscreen. i find it much easier to use. this is so much faster than my old computer. i like that you can personalize it - that you can have the things that you like. it's an awesome price for what i am getting. i love the price and i love the layaway plan. free layaway is amazing! i want to take it home! (laughing) walmart has top brands of windows touchscreen computers powered by intel -- and you can put them on layaway today free with no opening fee. like a squirrel stashes nuts, you may be muddling through allergies. try zyrtec® liquid gels. nothing starts working faster than zyrtec® at relieving your allergy symptoms for 24 hours. zyrtec®. love the air.

fruit, with a cool finish. allergy symptoms for 24 hours. fruit on one side. cool on the other. ice breakers duo. a fruity cool way to break the ice. [ school bell rings ] >> oh, hey, reggie! i've been looking all over for you. i confiscated this from one of your students. >> oh! well, he was just practicing. i mean, you said you was grading on a curve. >> yeah. >> so reggie's been telling me about all the work he's been doing here, and that's the kind of man we want at decatur u. >> ha ha! i'm gonna be making so much money, i could buy a house, a car. i could buy you bus tickets to and from the games. i could buy you hot dogs, and we're talking about footlongs, cora. >> i can hardly wait. >> well, just hold up on the bus ticket, okay? it's not final yet, but they asked me to find somebody, so i thought of my boy. but he wasn't available, so then i called reg! >> oh, go ahead, frat man.

you know i can coach. >> hey, coach, i learned all the plays in the playbook. >> oh, david hill. hey, you need to meet mike -- uh, mr. johnson. he's a big-time football recruiter at decatur u. >> really? how you doing, sir? >> and what do you play, son? >> a little halfback. >> a little? you ought to see this boy play. >> mm-hmm. he leads the district in touchdowns. >> he had four last week. >> actually, that was five, miss simmons. >> all right. >> and we almost won. [ laughs ] ooh, this kid is being recruited by some of the top schools in the country. [ chuckles ] i'm surprised you never heard of him. >> we have so many kids trying to join our program, you know, it's hard for me to keep up. >> huh, but none of them is like david here. he averages eight yards a carry. >> 8.5. >> and he's a 3.0 student. >> oh, that's 3.6, miss simmons. >> all right. >> yeah, that's pretty impressive. >> hey, look here, son. don't correct us in front of company. >> um --

>> yo. >> [ sings indistinctly ] >> what are you doing, mr. brown, hmm? >> i'm watching "freeloaders and the people that love them." >> but the tv isn't on. >> hint, hint. uh, where you going? >> we are going shoe shopping. >> oh, i feel sorry for you. mnh-mnh. i don't like going that shoe shopping. they sit there. they try on one shoe. they put off another shoe. they try on another one. they do it. you're sitting there, and you're waiting. you're looking, and they never make up they mind. >> that's why i bring a book. >> you? >> hey, everybody. >> hey, joaquome. >> hey, guys. hello, brianna. brianna? >> listening to that loud music is gonna damage your hearing. >> what? >> see? it's starting already. let me fix that. >> okay! no, mr. brown. i'm just kidding. i can hear just fine. >> girl, you better stop that.

the lord gonna make that happen for real. you gonna go deef. i'm telling you, i don't play like that. mnh-mnh. that's why i can hear like a snake. >> snakes don't have ears. >> oh. well, anyway, i can hear a rat pee on cotton. y'all hear that? y'all didn't hear that? >> think cora is calling you. >> yeah. i hear it. yeah. i can hear it. yes? huh? say what? yeah. i hear. i heard. cora, i'm coming! >> she's not home, is she? >> no. >> good one, baby. good one. [ laughs ] come on. >> uh, uh, sasha, can you pick up my red blouse from the cleaners? i want to wear that to tracy's party. >> well, have you finished your essay yet? >> huh? >> no essay, no partay. >> come on, baby. let's go before all the good shoes are picked over. >> sure. can't wait. yay. >> bye. this is the worst! >> i guess you better get started. >> hey, uh, why don't you help

me? >> let me think about that. uh, no. >> come on, joaquin. pretty please? i would do it for you. >> if you did it for me, i wouldn't get out of elementary school. >> hey, hey. i'll give you a quarter. >> a quarter? >> mm-hmm. >> a quarter. who -- who do you think i am? dee from "what's happening!!"? how about you give me your ipod? >> no way. nobody touches my ipod. >> okay, then. good luck. >> okay! ooh! you can have it for one week. but you have to write the essay in my words. i don't want my teacher to get suspicious. deal? >> that's easy. i'll just write it in crayon. deal. >> uh! not so fast. you need to get to writing. [ school bell rings ] >> whoo! >> man, that david kid is a

beast! i did not know he was that good! >> i taught him everything he knows. >> yes, i noticed after he inhaled that sandwich after practice. >> ha ha ha. you still got jokes. i don't even eat that much. you want one? i got another one down there. >> i'm okay. >> all right. >> wow, that david kid is faster in person than he is on film. >> what? i thought you'd never seen him before. >> i watched films in your class while you were teaching gym yesterday. >> i told you he was good. >> listen. we got to get him to come play for us. i mean, wouldn't you want to coach him again? >> of course, but he's being recruited by some of the top schools in this country now. it'd be a hard sell. >> no, no, no, no, no. that boy needs family. you're like his family. come on. i'm sure he'll listen to you. >> uh... what's this for? >> what? i can't treat my new coach and his lady to a nice dinner? come on. you know what this position comes with. >> ho! this is mine?

>> uh, this is mine, but the perks of the job gets things like this. take your lady out to a nice dinner. >> [ laughs ] oh, my man. [ laughs ] oh. hey, i hope that back seat is roomy. >> whoa, whoa, whoa. dummy. >> you all right, frat. >> thank you very much. >> you the man. >> no. you the man. [ cellphone rings ] no. you the man. actually, i'm the man. yeah. it's mike. yes, david hill will be wearing blue and gold next year. yes. i'm sure. david hill is so poor, all i have to do is flash a few bucks in front of him, a couple of empty promises to old reg, and it'll be like taking candy from a 40-year-old baby. i'll talk to you later. i am the man.

♪ ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's wonderful now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's so groovy now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪ ♪ i think it's wonderful now ♪ that people are finally getting together. ♪

>> how they look? >> better on the floor. >> come on, baby. can't put these on the floor. they're new. >> hey, guys. >> hey, guys. >> hey. what's wrong, brianna? >> got my essay back. >> what happened? >> boo-yah! i got an "a." >> both: "a" what? >> an "a" on my essay. guess this means i'll be going to tracy's party after all.

yay! >> wow, this is great! >> both: thanks. >> "the great wall of china and its effect on the african continent." >> what do you know about the great wall of china? >> i know it's great. >> and? >> "and"? and... it's -- it's in, um, afri-- >> [ coughing ] china! >> china. >> well, we are very proud of you. [ clears throat ] >> hey, guys, i got an "a" on my math quiz. >> all right. you know what? that's great, buddy. you know, brianna, i knew if you applied yourself, you could do it. >> oh, actually, they entered my essay into a contest. the first prize is $500. >> it is? >> it is? >> it is? i'm proud of you, too. you know, even joaquin has never had an essay in a contest. >> sweetie, i think we should

have this framed. >> good idea. these, too. [ giddy laugh ] >> yeah. they're pretty. >> [ chuckles ] >> speaking of framed, we need to talk. >> what's up? >> we need to renegotiate. >> ha! no way. a deal's a deal. here's my ipod. you have a week. >> the deal is off. >> oh, i get it. you're jealous because i'm getting all the attention. >> that's not true! if your essay wins, i want my half of the $500. >> you're crazy! that's $150! >> no, brianna. it's only -- only $300. >> deal. [ school bell rings ] >> ladies and gentlemen... gentlemen...gentlemen... introducing the new assistant

coach for decatur u...u... reggie "perfect season" brooks! [ imitates feedback ] oh, sorry about that. um, you know, i really hate to take credit for all these wins, but since i'm responsible, i will. [ laughs ] i know some of y'all is wondering how did i get so big? >> it's probably that no-fiber, high-fat diet you're on. >> ain't nothing wrong with my diet. >> boy, you eat deep-fried cake. >> i don't eat no deep-fried cake. >> don't have me to open your drawer. >> whoa. >> reggie, we need to talk. >> uh, reggie needs to jog. >> mr. brown, would you just sit down and just be quiet for a second, please? >> yes, ma'am. i'm sitting, and i'm quiet for a second. >> reggie, i need to talk to you about something, but i don't know how. >> well, maybe you should send him a taco-gram wrapped in bacon. >> shh! reggie, mike is playing you, and he's trying to illegally recruit david. >> what? mike ain't like that.

>> look, reggie, i overheard him say all he has to do is give david some cash and you some empty promises. he said it was like taking candy from a 40-year-old baby! >> well, i mean, he's not talking about me. i'm 39½! >> oh, let's get real. come on. be for serious. come on now. let's just be real with each other like a reality show. who gonna hire you as a coach? let's be serious! if we're gonna be serious, let's be serious and be real with each other. >> mr. brown, i'm serious right now! >> you can't even coach fantasy football! >> you're not helping. >> you're sorry. >> i'm serious, reggie. i heard it with my own ears. >> well, then you heard wrong, cora, 'cause mike ain't like that. >> you're just gonna lie to your own self? >> ♪ da da da da! you are looking at decatur u.'s newest star. >> ha ha! how you doing, miss simmons? what's up, coach? >> well, if it ain't the illegal recruiter and his boy,

ocho stinko. >> what you smell is success, brother. >> no. what i smell is a mess, brother. [ sniffs ] number two. >> uh, where are you guys coming from? >> and where'd you get these clothes? >> yeah, 'cause you look like dj slimee slim. >> never heard of him. >> exactly. thank you. >> look, mike took me shopping. he said if i'm gonna be making a million bucks, i might as well start looking like it, right? >> boy, you look like a million pennies. >> and you can't afford these things. >> well, the boosters at decatur u. can. sort of a token of our appreciation for a verbal commitment. >> david, you can't accept gifts from a college coach. now, if they find out, you lose a year of eligibility. >> look, the big-time schools do it all the time. >> uh, excuse me. do y'all need a security guard? >> uh, i'll make some calls. >> my man. i'm gonna help you get that theismann. i might even do it myself. i'll see y'all. >> just because other schools are doing it doesn't make it right. >> mike says he can help my family, okay? he gave me $5,000, and we really

need the money. so i'm sorry, miss simmons. >> hey, look here, david. that money is gonna cost you way more than it's worth. >> listen, man. >> no! you listen. now, david, i know you want to play, son, but i taught you boys to play by the rules. >> the rules? the rules ain't gonna pay my mama's bills! >> david -- >> mind your business! look, we got a deal. now that he's verbally committed, it's quite possible that you have a chance at getting that assistant coaching job. >> oh, so it's "quite possible" i might get the job. >> that's what he said. "quite possible." >> that must be one of them empty promises, right, cora? >> yes, empty. >> now, listen. david. now, i know you don't want to hear this, but if you don't give him back his money, you're suspended from the team. >> suspended! >> suspend? you can't win without me! >> boy, i'm not winning with you. >> sure not! that's what i'm talking about! >> that's enough support, honey. >> too much? oh.

>> so what's it gonna be, david? >> coach mike, let's go. >> i'm coach mike. >> david. >> hey, sweetheart. >> hey. >> what you reading? >> a book on relationships. >> all right. see you later. >> ah-ah-ah. hmm, i have a question. if i died, would you remarry? >> oh, yeah. at the funeral. >> will. >> what? the preacher's already there. >> what do you think? >> well, that all depends. do you want to go with yale blue or harvard maroon? >> how about plagiarism pink? >> what? >> nothing. >> aren't you proud of your

sister? >> i couldn't be prouder if i'd written it myself. >> why you acting like this? >> he's just a little jealous. >> why would i be jealous over your essay? >> well, enjoy wearing that now, because pretty soon, you'll be wearing a uniform at your new school. >> what new school? >> pine forge... >> both: all-girls academy. >> [ chuckles ] >> all-girls?! >> yes! great plan, will! >> no, no, no, no, no. bad plan, will! >> you need to be able to focus. >> all girls all the time, class 12 hours a day. >> ugly uniforms. >> oh, god. enough. i have a confession. i didn't write that essay. joaquin did. send him to the all-girls school. >> yes! i can't lose! >> yes! you can! you wrote it. i mean, did you really think you

could fool your teacher and us? >> both: yeah. >> i mean, the great wall of china, brianna? really? >> last week, you had trouble finding china in the cabinets. >> guess this means i'm not going to tracy's party. >> smart girl. yeah, but now you both get to write an essay on why you shouldn't be writing other people's essays, hmm? >> okay. but when i'm done, can i still go to the all-girls school? [ school bell rings ] >> i can't believe david is risking his future taking money from mike. >> yeah, well, unfortunately, a lot of young athletes come from struggling families. oh, they see this as their only way out. >> that's so true. [ knock on door ] >> oh. i guess you came here to turn in your equipment. >> no. actually, i came to suit up for practice. >> what? >> yeah. i, uh, i prayed about it, and i talked to my folks, and they think i should wait, too. >> oh, that's great, david.

>> oh, trust me, son. you made the right decision. >> i think so, too, coach. anyways, my mom has a second job interview with a company that seems to really like her, so if she gets it, they'll be paying more than all three of her jobs put together. >> see how he works? >> i mean, hey, besides, who needs that lousy $4,000? >> yeah. whoa! it was $5,000. >> i told you $5,000? [ laughs ] >> hey, hey, hey! hey, d-nice. i've been looking for you. >> look, we don't have a deal. >> you heard him. no deal. >> hold up. >> get to practice, david. >> we had a verbal commitment. >> well, he just verbally uncommitted, sir. >> [ sighs ] you know what? there's other kids out there. >> yeah, and you better believe i'm reporting you to the state athletic association, frat. >> uh, frat, you can't prove nothing. it's gonna be my word versus yours. >> man, what happened to the cat i pledged with? >> he grew up and started making money. >> no, actually, he didn't grow

up. >> but he's still making money. and i'm not worried. there's always gonna be some kid who'll do anything it takes to play ball. >> mm-hmm, but it's not gonna be that kid. >> tell him, baby. >> hmm. i knew you weren't ready for the big time. >> [ grunting ] yeah, but i am. you still need a halfback or a fullback or maybe even a fatback?

>> uh, sasha's meatloaf. sasha's chicken. >> will. >> guess what? i did it! i did it! [ laughs ] >> you did what? >> i wrote my own essay. i applied myself, just like you and will told me to. >> let me see it. >> wow. >> "do these heels go with my textbook?" >> write about what you know. >> guys, i really didn't think it was possible, but... [ voice breaking ] i dug down really deep, and i got a "b"! can you believe it?! >> sweetie, that's an "8." >> what? >> a number 8.

>> like out of 10? >> like out of 100. xx

>> hey. hey. >> what's up, scissor? >> yah! >> what is wrong with you, bro? >> what the hell are you doing in my house? >> oh. ella ain't tell you?

>> tell me what? >> i'm moving in. >> oh, no, you're not. >> bro, vonita kicked me out. i just need to stay here just for a little while. see, ain't no room in the inn. i mean, wwcd? what would curtis do? >> kfo. kick floyd out. >> come on, man. i just need to stay here for a little while, man. >> what is a little while in your head? >> well, until vonita forgives me and her sister, her cousin the dog, her mama... >> okay, just stop. like you said, there's no room in the inn. there's too many people here already, floyd. >> come on, man. >> i got claretha, i got jazzy, i got malik... calvin, c.j., janine, miranda, ella... the twins. [ stammers ] >> the professor and mary ann. come on, curtis, just for a

little while, please? >> no. >> come on, curtis. >> no. no little while, no nothing. you got to get the hell out, okay? all you all over at my house, you got my house looking like the projects. this ain't the projects, okay? >> i'll just be your last project. come on, curtis. >> get out. >> please. >> get out. >> come on. we can share a beer. come on, curtis. come on. please? >> get out. i get up early so i can come in my kitchen and have a little peace time with myself. that's what i do. i'm gonna get my time. uhh! i ain't got my time. i ain't got my time. >> hi, uncle curtis. >> go away. >> you like my dress? >> no. i can't even see it. i'm not gonna look at it 'cause you're not here. you need to buy a house. come on, c.j., you got a good job. i should know, it was my job. >> i know, unc. i'm sorry. we're gonna go this afternoon and look for a new house. >> thank you. >> uh, uncle curtis, i need some help with my math homework. >> do i look like a "mathemagician"?

>> it's mathematician! >> it's your ass to the whoopin'! >> hey, uh, dad, i need some help with my homework. >> not right now, jazzy. yeah, yeah. unc, i promise, we gonna go and get a house as soon as we can. >> oh, c.j., look. hayden and jayden, he's doing the cutest thing. look. watch. oh, we have to find that camera. i want to take some pictures of them. they have on new outfits. look, they match. >> uh, i'm wearing a new outfit. >> what did baby...? >> am i invisible here? >> i see you. >> hey, cookie jar. who's a cutie? who's a cookie jar? ain't he cute? >> oh, he loves that. >> psst. >> he's a cutie. huh? what? >> shh. plug this in. >> plug this in? >> plug this in. >> plug that in for you? >> what the hell? what the hell is this?! what are you doing?! >> i'm plugging it in for him.

>> for the double dutch. >> ella, stop! >> you said i couldn't stay in your house. i'm out here. curtis... >> i got a feeling i'm gonna kill you. >> curtis. >> i know i'm a kill you. >> curtis. >> oh! floyd! >> ta-da! could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.

yep, everybody knows that. well, did you know the ancient pyramids were actually a mistake? uh-oh. geico. fifteen minutes could save you...well, you know. >> uh, could one of you quiz me on my math? >> baby, why don't you go ask your mom or your daddy? >> they're too busy with the babies. >> i got you. come on. show me what you got. okay. okay. oh, ooh! oh, curtis, she doesn't have that many problems. >> heh, a-heh. >> okay, you ready? >> yes. >> "linda's family traveled 400 and -- 400 -- wait. 495 miles going 55 miles per hour. >> i wish your family would travel 495 miles at 100 miles

an hour. >> they made 3 stops for 3 minutes and 2 stops for 5 minutes. >> your family made one stop and stayed. >> how long did the trip take?" >> all my damn life. >> uh, let's see. 9 hours and... >> wait, wait, wait. [ laughs ] curtis, maybe you ought to be glad calvin wasn't on this trip. [ chuckles ] 'cause it would have taken him 9 days. he would drink this large soda, and then he would have to stop 9 to 10 times before we'd get where we were going. what did we call him, baby? >> the whiz. 'cause he peed on down the road. >> ha ha ha ha ha! >> oh, ho ho! i remember that. oh, i needed that laugh. i couldn't stand him then. i think that's when i first started hating him. no, it wasn't then. it was when you brought him home. no, it was when you told me you was pregnant. that's what it was. >> whatever.

>> okay, the twins are asleep. miss ella, you have to look at my babies. excuse me, jazzy. excuse me. look, look, look, look. >> wait, wait, wait. >> sorry. >> um, show auntie ella the pictures of me in north carolina. >> oh, baby, i think i had to delete those to make some room for -- just look at hayden and jayden! >> ooh, baby. >> i wish i could delete your family out my house. >> oh! >> okay, let's go, baby. we're gonna be late. >> baby, look at this picture of jayden. >> oh, he's so cute. looks like his daddy. >> yes. oh, jazzy, do me a favor. go and turn on the baby monitor for me, okay? thank you. >> come on, now. we got to go. open house ends at 3:00. >> oh, okay. >> oh, i hope you find a house. scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot. >> thank you. oh, i'll get my purse and everything. >> don't come back till you do-do-do-do! >> okay, here's the baby monitor. >> come on, baby. >> you know, hayden and jayden aren't so bad when they're asleep. >> neither are you. want to go to sleep? >> [scoffs] >> so, where's my mom and dad? >> baby, they just left. >> no! but i wanted to go with

them so i could pick out my own bedroom. >> jazmine, don't worry about that. baby, come on. you can help me take care of jayden and hayden. >> oh, great. >> hey. >> scissor. what's happening, bro? >> uhh! >> what's wrong? >> what the hell are you doing? >> i'm watching tv. >> what are you doing with my robe on? >> you like it, right? >> get off my couch. >> i'm just waiting on the cable guy. i wanted to watch this show. >> get off my couch! >> come on, i just need -- >> i said get off my couch! >> oh! come on, man! what is wrong with you? >> what's wrong with you? >> what are you doing? >> what are you doing in my house? >> well, what are you doing with those for sale signs? >> what for sale signs? >> those for sale signs. the ones that say for sale. look, i'm putting them away because i don't want c.j. to see

them. >> why, is he stealing them or something? >> no, he didn't steal them. i stole them. i mean, i didn't steal them. >> tell the truth, curtis. >> look, i don't want c.j. to see 'em because then he'll think there's something available in the neighborhood. >> hmm. >> and then he'll think he can live here nearby, and then there goes the neighborhood! >> i know that. we can't have them kind of people living in this neighborhood. that's some craziness. i wouldn't live over here -- >> shut up. >> but, look, i-- you know what? i got to go, man. i just remembered something. i left some barbecue on the grill up on my balcony. >> take that robe off! >> oh, hey, mr. floyd. i see you moved in. >> hey, little man, what's going on? it ain't much, but it's home, you know what i'm saying? >> oh, well, this is nice. you know, i wish i would have thought about this. you got a good little setup here. >> well, thank you very much. you know, i would invite you in, but i haven't cleaned up the basement. [ chuckles ] >> so, uh, how's business at the shop? >> well, right about now with

this economy [chuckles] we had to make a few cuts. [ laughing ] i'm killing myself. whoo. boy, that walk-in closet is tight. i really want to tell you something. things really ain't that good with ol' floyd. >> woman troubles? >> yep, you know it. [ chuckles ] >> i hear you. >> but, you know, it's vonita. see, i really was taking this marriage thing real serious. i mean, i even stopped dating for a while. yeah, but now, she comes home... all attitude and everything, talking about, [deep voice] "i don't think i want to be married to you anymore." >> vonita sound like a dude. >> [ normal voice ] it's scary in the mornings. >> well, you know what? i can relate. >> you can relate? >> yeah, i can relate. >> now, i've been married 30 years, and you can relate to me. >> well, let me explain it to you. >> explain it, bro. >> all right. i remember. i was in sixth grade.

lisa rose came to me and said she needed "space." >> said she needed "space." >> uh-huh, just like that. >> all that attitude. >> yeah. >> wow. >> but you know what? the next day, she came, was all over me! >> see, that's how they do! that's how they do! see, that's how a woman's mind thinks, see? once they get a taste of the love buffet, ha ha, then they want to complain about the calories. >> oh! speak, brother! >> all right. >> ow! >> let 'em use you. >> oh! >> hey! >> hey! >> you on medication? >> but have you thought about this? do you think there's someone else? >> boy, you did that like a real preacher. i like that. i like that, but [scoffs] ain't nobody else, bro. ain't nobody else, 'cause once you get a taste of floyd, i'm hard to avoid. >> you know, they same the same thing about me. >> what? >> once you've been with malik, other brothers is weak. [ both laugh ] >> you don't never rhyme, but it happened that time. [ both laugh ] >> well, you know what? i'm sure she's coming to her senses, and she's climbing the fences! ha! ha! she came to her senses and climbing fences!

>> ooh. >> senses and fences. >> see, that's the problem with kids. they just don't know when to cut it off, brother. you should have left it alone at the last one. >> sorry. well, you know what? i'm sure she's climbing the walls right now for you. >> like spider-man. bro, there was this one time in particular, 'cause she likes climbing walls somewhat, she had this bungee cord connected to the chandelier. right, had on a cat suit, man, and she had this whip-- mm. how old are you? >> 16. >> mm. i can't tell you that story unless you're accompanied by a parent or the police. holler at you later. >> oh, oh. >> you got to check it out. it's got a finished basement. the man cave is sick! sick. i'm gonna be down there for days. >> look at it! look at it! for days, boy! gonna be in the man cave! >> in the man cave! >> you with your 5 little bears gonna hibernate forever. >> oh, miss ella, it has a master suite with a garden tub so i can take one of those nice, long, relaxing baths. ah! look at it! look at it! you see me this?!

>> i can see you hair laying all on the tub like that. >> oh... >> ha ha! >> oh! >> you go ahead on, relax in your tub with your wine. >> yes! >> that you bought! >> that i -- what? >> [ laughs ] >> you guys left me! >> oh, i'm sorry, baby, but we found a beautiful house. here, look at the pictures. >> oh, did you erase pictures of hayden and jayden to get pictures of the house? >> jazzy, here. >> look at it -- garden suite, master cave, different address. you got to love it. >> it's a 2-story, 3-bedroom house. it might be a little out of our price range, but i think we can manage it. >> what do you mean, out of your price range? ain't nothing out of your price range. look, you took my job, steal another job. have two jobs. supposed to be the happiest day of my life! i mean, your life. the happiest day of your life. [ laughs ] >> wait a minute, wait a minute. where is this house? >> it's in decatur, east side. >> no, no, no. decatur? that's way across town. >> oh, baby, be so dramatic. it's not way -- decatur's not

that far. i walk to decatur all the time. i walk to decatur. decatur takes two days. >> oh, is my room upstairs or downstairs? >> oh, your room is going to be upstairs. we're gonna have malik's room be right next to the stairs, right? and then you and the twins can share a room right next to us. >> me and the twins sharing a room? >> yes. >> but i thought i had my own room. that's not -- that's not gonna work. >> hush your mouth. yes, it is gonna work. baby, there's two levels. two levels, master cave. [ laughs ] >> there's a finished basement. >> mm-hmm. >> can that be my room? >> unh-unh, unh-unh. that's a man cave. man cave. >> i don't want to sleep with the twins. i want my own room! >> jazmine, go to your room. >> i don't have a room! you aren't even listening! >> ooh, lord. >> oh, i'm gonna have to get my belt. ♪

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>> um, jazmine ran away. > oh, that's great. one down, eight to go. get the hint, floyd? >> no, this is serious. she -- she -- she left this note, and her bed doesn't look like it's been touched all night. >> curtis. what do you mean it doesn't look like she slept in her bed? >> it's not -- it's not messed up or anything. >> say, "i'm 'runting'..." i -- i can't even read -- she went to a gifted school, and she can't spell? >> curtis, everything on here is spelled right. did you go to school? "i'm running away to someplace." hey, janine, just wait a minute now. >> wait a minute what? wait a minute what? she ran away. >> calm down. calm down. look, look. i ran away when i was her age. >> you ran away yesterday. you got a tent in my backyard. >> oh, that reminds me, too. i left my bathtub running upstairs. i'll be right back. i don't want to flood out the basement.

[ door closes ] >> jazmine's out there all by herself. i don't even know where she is. >> [ sighs ] >> c.j.! >> calm down. we don't-- >> c.j., jazmine ran away. >> what? >> look, look. she left this note, and her bed doesn't look like it's been touched, and her backpack is gone. we have to go out and find my baby. >> okay, okay, hold on, hold on. calm down. >> how you gonna tell me to calm down? i can't calm down! i don't where -- look at this! >> everybody, calm down! >> ain't nobody calmed up... 'cept her. >> i know where she is. >> what? >> yes. look at the note. it says right here in the letter that she went to a safe place. >> so what, c.j.? >> uncle curtis taught malik and jazmine that the safest place in the world is a fire station, all right? malik used to run away all the time and hide out in the crawl space, right, uncle? >> that's what i figured. i even made the place up real nice, hoping that malik wouldn't want to come back. >> ha. >> calm down, baby. i'll go get her, okay? >> okay, all right. okay. >> told you. [ chuckles ]

>> wow, what a house. >> foxy ladies... y'all get ready. margaritas will be ready in 30 seconds. don't forget your swimsuits. nope. don't bring your sister 'cause those house-arrest anklets ain't waterproof. y'all come on! >> floyd! >> hmm? >> if you don't stop yelling at my neighbors... >> they my neighbors, too. >> no, they're not. look here, brother. come here. >> what? >> got to get you an apartment, man. >> you know i can't afford that, man. come on. matter of fact, i think this single life is kind of becoming, you know what i mean? it's real good for me. i mean, i feel like -- look at my skin. it's glowing. >> floyd, your skin ain't glowing. it's 98 degrees out here. it's not glow, it's sweat. and you're funky. >> no, for real, though, man. vonita does not know what she has done for me. >> nor how much suffering she's

brought to everybody else. >> no, really. i mean, the single life is really becoming, man. i think i really have found my purpose in life. >> being a burden to your friends. >> no. i mean staying out late at night, drinking and rubbing up against beautiful women. [ humming ] >> rub against me, i'll kill you. >> no, seriously, man. >> and if you rub up against women like that, then my purpose in life is gonna be trying to collect your bail money. just keep it down. >> no, curtis, seriously, though. i mean, i got everything i need here. man, look. i got my bachelor pad. i got my margaritas, and i live right next door to my bff. best friend forever. >> well, who could that be? and get your hands off me. are you losing your mind? >> oh, this the cable guy. i'm sorry i didn't tell you he was coming. hey, i'm floyd stanley jackson. how's it going? all right. no, the big screen is right this way. he must be going to get his tools and stuff. but, no, i'm telling you, bro. i'm getting ready to get the fine package. bro, i'm getting the ultimate sports package. i'm also getting unlimited

movies, and i'm getting hd. >> oh, and you're getting divorced. >> [ chuckles ] divorced? >> you need to change cable companies. >> thank god. jazmine, you had me scared to death. do you know how much trouble you're in? young lady, why did you run away? >> because things were different when i came back from boarding school. >> different how, baby? >> well, i thought that you guys were gonna be excited to see me, but you were too busy taking care of hayden and jayden. >> honey, they're babies. they need a lot of attention. >> yeah, i know, but i used to be the baby, but even though i'm not anymore, i still need attention. >> sweetheart, you're a big girl now. hayden and jayden need for you to be their big sister just like you needed malik to be your big brother. >> did you guys send me to boarding school to get rid of me? >> no, baby, no. >> no. sweetheart, we would never, never do anything like that to you. >> but you deleted me out of the

camera. >> baby, we have taken so many pictures of you that they're just too many to put in one camera. >> so, sweetheart, there has been a lot going on, and we apologize for having ignored you, okay? >> and you're gonna always be my little baby girl. come here. >> aw, see? all better, but you are still in a lot of trouble. >> mm-hmm. >> well, wait a minute. she in a lot of trouble for what? >> running away. >> why you gonna tell her she's in trouble for that? i don't get you. that's why the girl's confused. she do something good, you punish her. she do something bad, you -- you give her candy. look, the girl tried to help her uncle curtis out. she's running away 'cause she knows it just makes everything better. you don't punish the girl for that. >> uncle curtis... >> she's trying to help. you could learn from that and try to be like her. matter of fact, take her to get some ice cream now 'cause she

really did something nice. 88888ó

>> come here, babe! look at you. sit down. well, look at that. your family has their own house, and you got your own room. >> [ laughs ] >> ain't that nice? >> mm-hmm. >> that means no more running away, right? >> yes, sir. >> all right, then. you got everything you need. except for this.

bam! >> [ gasps and laughs ] >> hello! >> oh, my goodness! >> ha ha! ha ha! that's your very own camera. so since you and your family are moving away, and me and aunt ella ain't gonna be able to see you often anymore. >> [ chuckles ] uncle curtis, we're moving right down the street. >> since you and your family are moving away, and me and your aunt ella are not gonna see you often anymore... now you can take pictures and send them to us, and we can watch you grow up. >> [ laughs ] >> isn't that cool? >> yeah. >> [ laughs ] you know, my father used to tell me, he said, "pictures are stolen moments." so you take that camera, and you go and be a little thief! [ laughs ] oh. i can't stand her. [ knock on door ] yes? [ camera shutter clicks ] ooh! >> oh, i just stole a moment. >> look at you -- natural-born thief.