l be ready in five minutes. you're destroying those things. ay, jay, leave him alone. well, i'm sorry, but that cow has suffered long enough. fun. whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. hang on. dinner's ready in five minutes. coach wants us to practice lay-ups. they are deceptively hard. a curious mix of dance and strength. you're making it lame again. sorry.

ay, dios mío, that coach. i hate that guy. he seems to have the kids motivated. oh, dad, you haven't seen him. he taunts the kids. he's abusive. if this was a colombian soccer league, long time ago, one of the kids would have taken that guy out and kkkhh! a coach is supposed to ride the kids hard. phil, help me out here. he's a mean man. oh, you're such a woman. come to the game. you'll see. this guy's a real mother-scratcher. pardon the language, gloria. mm-hmm. gloria? he better cool it, or i'm gonna introduce him to the captain and tennille. [ sighs ] sorry we're late. i was at work. oh, he loves to say that. happy barbecue. oh. since mitchell is between jobs... wow! ...i've taken a part-time job at a greeting-card store, which i love. plus, with my discount, we're saving a fortune. how is spending a ton of money on greeting cards saving us a fortune? it's math. it's really not. look it up. $2.95, $2.95, $4.95... 40% off, 40% off, 40% off. ...$2.95, $3.95, $2.95.

jay: mitchell, i got this golf buddy of mine. great guy. super successful. you two should talk. it could mean a job for you. oh, thanks, dad, but i'm -- i'm not really looking for anything right now, but... yeah, that's right. with me bringing home the bacon, mitchell doesn't have to rush into anything. yeah, i know you have all that greeting-card screw-you money, but talk to the guy? he's expecting your call in the morning. dad, i appreciate it, but in the future -- oh, i can't stand this. i am sorry, but -- no. those steaks have been done for five minutes. i'm taking them off the grill. i'm sorry. i-i know how it feels to have him stick his nose where it doesn't belong. no biggie. that's just jay being jay. but one day i'm gonna be a grandfather, and then everybody better hide their meat. [ sighs ] ooh, who's she? i hate it when you do that. who's he? it's charlie bingham.

he's the guy that my dad wanted me to call. i googled him. look. oh, he owns earthgear apparel? i have their ski pants. really? you don't -- you don't ski. i have cargo pants, and i don't work at the docks. god, i feel like such a slacker. i mean, he has done so much for being so young. okay, look, he's opened up a dozen environmental foundations and conservancies. wow. so, are you gonna -- are you gonna call him? i don't know. i mean, you know, i-i sort of promised myself and you that i'd take a little time off and -- and you are loving your time off. totally. i am losing my mind. as much as i love lily, which is, you know, more than life itself, i am -- whew! -- not cut out to be a stay-at-home dad. no. but i-it's cameron's turn. it's cameron's turn to be out in the world interacting with other grown-ups while i get to stay at home and plot the death of dora the explorer. i'd like to fill her backpack with bricks and throw her into candy-cane river. so, i don't know. should i -- should i call him?

i don't know. maybe just to get your dad off your back. yeah. you know, i mean -- i mean, because the last thing i want for you is to take a job right now. i am loving our life. i am in a really dark space. being away from my lily is literally torture. [ voice breaking ] and i can't pressure mitchell, but i really, really, really just want him to get a job so i can go back to being a stay-at-home dad/trophy wife! [ whistle blows ] stupak: come on, ladies, move it! goodness gracious! turtles run faster! come on! could you run any slower? i dare you to run slower. you see? he's just trying to light a fire. no, i light him on fire. shoot! delgado! you're killing me, man! i love you, manny, no matter what! stupak: come on! okay, well, i'll let you know. all right. all right, bye. [ telephone beeps ] uh, so, charlie bingham just invited us

over to his beach house for a little get-together. oh! uh, well, what did you say? i said i'd check with you. i mean, what -- what do you think? what do you think? [ sighs ] well, i think it would be rude not to hear him out. yeah. i mean -- yeah, you're probably right. yeah. okay. cool. and don't worry. you know, i'm not gonna take any job. you better not. [ sobbing ] i just miss -- i just -- i just miss, you know... i just -- made grilled-cheese sandwiches. you're doing great, luke, if your goal is to suck. phil. i'm on it. wait for me. hey, coach? yeah. look, we appreciate your passion, but some of us are worried that the yelling is getting counter-productive. i got this. come on, stupid! no you don't "got this." what you got is a bad attitude. who are you? i happen to be the stepfather of...

doesn't matter who. what you need to start doing is a little more coaching and a little less yelling. 'cause if i hear you call one of these kids stupid again, i swear to god, i'll throw a shoe at your head. i don't need this. you think you can do a better job? you coach. jay, you know, i was handling this. i saw how you broke out peaches and herb. it's the captain and -- [ buzzer sounds ]

coach had to leave for a little while. why? is he sick? yes. he's very, very sick. is he going to die? everybody dies, boys, let's focus on what's important. our next game is in one hour. we are going to go from being five fingers to being a fist. how does that sound? great. great. i can't hear you? great! that's what i'm talkin' 'bout. all right, gentlemen, i talked to the referee. i'm coaching. oh, really? 'cause i -- phil, i coached football. jay, i actually coached basketball. i think i can get these guys -- relax, you've already got the assistant job.

now, think you can round us up some waters? yeah. go ahead. gentlemen, this is what i need. i want you to hit them, and i want you to hit them hard. phil: father-in-laws are tough, because you can't let them push you around, and you also have to show them respect. it's like walking a tightrope, which, by the way, i can do because i went to trapeze school. did jay? i doubt it. honey, i'm gonna take off. i'm gonna buy alex some clothes. okeydoke. how come you're not coaching? 'cause your dad coached football. i'm sorry. and i am going to make it up to you tonight. and i'll be thinking of your dad while you do. mm. disturbing. hey, phil. hey. how's it going? great. your dad coached football. ahh, a fellow victim. thank you again for taking care of lily. i know it's last-minute. ay, don't be silly. [ chuckles ] we'll probably just stick around for a few minutes. you know how fussy she gets when we pass her off, so -- no, she seems fine. yeah.

ay, i think she's getting used to being away from you now that you have the new job. [ whimpers ] mwah! so proud of you! we need to talk. okay. what happened? mom, i love you, but your words of encouragement encourage the other kids to make fun of me. okay, i won't say anything else on the next game. promise. we both know that your latin blood makes that impossible. i think it would be better if you didn't come to the next game. [ whimpers ] ah! i know. i hate our house. i know! and what's -- what's this thing? i don't know, but it's fancy. stop -- stop playing with it. come on. just...don't break it. [ doorbell rings ] [ music playing ] hey, mitchell!

charlie bingham. nice to meet you. hi! this is my partner, cameron tucker. pleasure. cameron. so we just went ahead and parked on that round thingy in the driveway. is that -- that's fine, right? no problem. it's a turntable so you don't have to back out. oh. [ chuckles ] you have a car turntable and you're wearing rubber. you're like batman. [ chuckles ] i really am. come on in. turn the music down! mitchell: wow. pardon the getup. killer waves today. you guys surf? only for bargains on the web. everybody, say hi. hi. hi. hello! that's jolie. she's head of my europe division. she cheats at poker. you do. and that's my girlfriend, jenny. she makes a hell of a margarita. want one? absolutely. oh, no, not -- o-okay. everybody, mitchell pritchett and his partner, cameron. business partners. mergers and acquisitions. [ chuckles ] i'm kidding. we're gay. stop talking. cameron: when things are relaxed, i'm great in social situations. i would have fit in at the algonquin round table. but when the stakes are high, i get a little tense.

i'd be the guy that would knock over the round table. then dorothy parker would make a quip, james thurber would laugh, and then i would end up leaving, crying. how long you been on the lam? what? honey, you are looking around like the feds are after you. no, i'm not. let's just get this over with. oh! great. oh, no. it's them. oh! oh, you know those girls from school. hey! let's go. over here. what -- what is your problem? [ sighs ] nothing. i'll meet you at the car in an hour. please, mom. please. [ sighs ] hi, jenna. claire: and just like that, my baby girl became a teenager. she entered that dreaded phase where my very existence embarrasses her. i-i think i can help. you're not your mom. wow, that's your mom. oh, i just got chills. so, first off, i'm a fan.

i saw you in court once. [ chuckles ] seriously? yeah. mayhew vs. propyltech. you are a good lawyer. if you'd have handled my divorce, this house would be twice as big. oh, he's better than good. try winning an argument with him. last night, i wanted to have indian for dinner -- and we're talking again. top of your class at cornell and columbia law. had your pick of jobs but instead chose to work in environmental law until last month. and he used to be a really great figure skater. why'd you quit? his sister lost interest, and then there was -- he means my job. you can tell me about figure skating, too. um, well, it was -- she did lose interest. that's enough. okay. oh, my gosh! i didn't know you guys were gonna be here. hola, claire. mwah! hi, lily. mwah, mwah! i had enough basketball for one day. oh, i know. come here, sweetie. oh, sweet thing, you love me, and you want me to buy you a dress. ay, but i'm gonna buy her some shoes first. what's that, lily? do you want me to buy you a dress? she said, "yes."

what? she did not say, "yes." okay, "win" on 3. 1, 2, 3... 1, 2, 3... win! don't forget the pick-and-roll. these guys won't know how to defend it. phil, try not to confuse my boys, okay? okay. i sleep with your daughter. what? good luck. all right, let's go, let's go, come on, let's go! get out there. hustle up! get the tip! get the tip! [ whistle blows ] watch the give and go. oh! all right. keep the hustle, keep the hustle. come on, boys. don't let them push you around. oh! all right, little defense. play defense. i did a little scouting, and the other team only has two shooters. if we isolate both of them -- good, phil, good. thank you. good. manny, pay attention! what are you looking at? what? oh! "modern family" will be right back.

...will be right back.

mitchell: ...and that was in 2004. so, tell me this,

what are the regulatory challenges of a solar farm? [ slurping ] well, you know, it could be anything. agriculture, military, protected species, ironically, even some environmental groups. i think you got all of it. mm. i think you got it. yeah, i'm just gonna freshen this up. okay. let me ask you a question. how do you like the beard? i'm thinking of growing one. jenny's against it. oh, well, i've -- i've been very happy with mine. that's it. i'm doing it. look, i've made a fortune. i want to use it for some good. i need a lawyer to help me navigate. i like you. you get me. so, in or out? [ objects clattering ] i'm very sorry. it's okay. um, that's a very big question. you know, i'm obviously gonna have to go talk to my, um... [ clattering ] ...bull in a china shop. i'll be right back. sure. talk it over. it's a major life decision. hey, jenny! the beard is on!

okay, lily, it's time to buy you beautiful shoes. oh, no, no, no. i saw another really cute dress for her. ay, she has already six new dresses. what she needs is strappy shoes. oh. oh, oh. there's alex. i'll -- i'll see you later. alex, honey. hi. mom, i said i'd meet you at the car. ugh. here. thank you. still wish you had a daughter? manny didn't want me at the game today. [ clicks tongue ] oh, i'm sorry. it's okay. [ sighs ] no, it's not okay. it sucks. i miss babies. they never tell you to go away. yeah. or wait in the car. i don't know about you, but i'm not gonna stand here and feel sorry for myself. you know what we should do? get pregnant. i was gonna say go for ice cream. okay, we'll do yours first. luke! luke! it's hard to guard a player if there's no player near you!

we good in the hood? this is a uniquely frustrating group of boys. i hear ya. um, one thing that might help, instead of a zone, if you switch to a simple man-to-man. i got this. really? 'cause according to the scoreboard, the only thing you got is 4 points. good luck. come here. you -- you -- cam. cam, you have got to relax. i told you i wouldn't take a job -- take the job. what? i want you to take the job. i thought you liked having me home with lily. i don't. i mean, i do. i just -- i miss my time with lily, and i know it's selfish -- no, i want the job! you do? oh, my god, yes! i-i love lily, but i hate baby talk. i wuv baby talk! [ both chuckle ] oh. let's go get this job. let's get this job. [ chuckles ] okay. oh, no. [ doorknob rattling ] it's locked. hello!

hey, guys? [ music playing ] [ knocking on door ] oh, my gosh. they not gonna hear us. we're trapped out here. that's -- stop being so dramatic. we'll just go through the garage. that's why he wants to hire you. you're good in crisis. yeesh! what-- [ whirring ] [ thud ] it's not opening. push it again. i'm hearing things, but it's not -- push it harder. [ thud ] that's not -- is it this one? i hear something. what is that? no. stop touching. stop -- [ thudding ] this -- oh, that was it. all right. [ garage door opens ] mitchell! oh, my god! no! oh, my god! no, cam! cam. did we do that? what are we gonna say? oh. oh. i will take the job. i kind of think you have to now.

guys, you're on the same team! time-out! [ whistle blows ] time-out. get over here. guys, earlier, we practiced a few set plays. did any of them involve wrestling the ball from your own teammate? but you said to be aggressive. yeah. not on your own team! wait here. you got to coach. i can't take it. you talkin' to me? yeah, i'm talkin' to you. you got to take over. i'm about to lose it out there. that sounds tough, coach. what's your problem? hey, coach. tick tock. i was dealing with the coach, you pushed me aside. i was dealing with the boys, you pushed me aside. believe it or not, jay, there are some things that i am better at than you are. bam! it's out there! oh, for god's sake. coach! he's calling you. listen, i don't blame you for being angry. all right? i'm used to taking charge. that's all. i should have let you coach from the get-go. and? i love you. no, the barbecue. oh, for god's sake.

i'm sure your steaks would've been delicious and not chewy. okay. i'll do it. thanks. and so the student becomes the master. the once mighty -- you know what? forget it. no, no, no, no. i'm good. i'm good. i'm good. hey, hey, guys. who wants to go out like a champ? yeah! yeah! i love it! okay, jordie, you inbound to luke. manny, set a pick on luke's man and roll to the bucket. luke, you know what to do. no, i don't. bounce pass to manny. but dad -- coach -- manny hasn't taken a single shot all season. then chances are he'll be open. [ whistle blows ] okay, guys, let's bring it out. hey, hey. bring it in. let's show these guys what kind of team they're about to beat. huh? "li'l dribblers" on 3. 1, 2, 3... li'l dribblers! okay, red ball. side out. here we go. [ whistle chirps ] phil: what's my coaching philosophy? give a kid a bird... yes. ...and he becomes one of those weird dudes who walks around with a bird on his shoulder.

but give him a pair of wings... and he can fly... ohh! ...unless he has absolutely no hand-eye coordination. okay. i support you. [ chuckles ] hey, mom. that was 20 minutes. [ sighs ] mom. i am so, so sorry. i know it's no excuse, but i've been feeling a lot of pressure at school -- you know, with friends. and i love you so much, and i appreciate everything you do for me. i'm still your little girl. oh, honey. that is so sweet. can i get $20? a bunch of us are going to a movie, and we're gonna get something to eat afterwards. jenna's brother's gonna take us home. okay! of course. sweetie, you know what? take $40. oh, my gosh. yeah!

that's right. thanks, mom. go on. have a great time. oh, alex, honey. when you're out shopping, you might want to pick yourself up a training bra. i know you don't need one now, but your little boobies are gonna come in soon. mommy loves you, kitten! mwah! mwah! [ engine turns over ] teach her to screw with me.

lled towards the basket. luke passed to me, i shot the ball, and i almost made it. ay, i bought lily the cutest little dress today. and then i stole the ball from the other team, did a 360, and almost dunked it.

that's nice. ay, i just had the best day today with lily. that girl is so sweet. i have a game next saturday. you could come. no, it's okay. i wouldn't want to embarrass you. i'll probably take lily out for cupcakes. mm-hmm. okay. any suggestions? i usually go with earrings. [ slurps ]

how you doing? phil dunphy. what do i have to do to get you to ask, "what do i have to do to get you into this car today?" well, why don't we start with a test-drive? i'll get the keys. sounds good. right where i want him. come here. come look at this. this thing warns you if you deviate from your lane. in my car, that's my wife. "andre, if you try to kill me, i swear i will kill you!" well, i guess this is what i'll be driving for the next 39 months. this is my dna talking, but you do not seem sufficiently excited about the prospect of driving a new cadillac. no, it's great. i've just leased the same thing forever. part of me wants to shake things up. i don't know. get something like... like that. oh, wow.

colonel klink, that is nice. we took lily on her first train ride. just a quick trip to chinatown. i was worried she would think we were taking her back to vietnam, but she seemed okay. yeah, yeah. possibly because she was an infant when she left vietnam. also, vietnam is not china. well, i had a lollipop with me just in case. i love that we're doing this. it's important for her to explore the city she lives in. so much diversity. keep your wallet in your front pocket. my shoe's untied. oh, sweetie, it is. here, have a seat. right here. there you go. hey, hold bunny. (bell chimes in distance) no! no, no, no, no, no, no! bunny! how did you miss that, mitchell? mr. conductor! i-i... what? i was purell-ing! and it's me! why would you toss it? because my hands were full? i want bunny! i know. w--okay, i have an idea. let's catch the next train and ride it till it catches up. they don't catch up. that's called a collision. okay, well, do you have a better idea? you're the one that lost it. no, you tossed it. he who tossed it lost it. don't try to clever your way out of this.

daddy lost bunny. (both) she means you. oh, i wanted a car like this since i was a kid. me, too. i used to imagine the wind blowing through my perm, blasting some hall & oates, maybe horsing around with my mr. microphone... yeah, we wouldn't have been friends back then. you should buy it. no, it's not practical. practical? you never see a person on their deathbed saying, "i wish i'd have been more practical." i see a lot of people on their deathbed, phil. a lot. i thought you operated on knees and elbows. phil, this is a nice car. and it's half the price of a new car. if you don't buy it, i will. what would claire say? you know what? maybe we should find you something with a little more lumbar support. yeah. you know, with you not having a spine and all. i have a spine. do you have a spine? i have a spine. so wanna take it for a spin? you know what? i'd rather take her for a spin. let's get her top down and see what she can do. (laughs) i'm--no, i meant the convertible. (laughing) ♪

well, i just talked to the concierge, and room service will save me a bread pudding. load off my mind. you mock me, but "travel and leisure" says it's not to be missed. this weekend, we're going up to pebble beach. i'm gonna meet a bunch of guys i played high school football with. man, those were the good old days. yeah, unless you were a woman, black, hispanic, or gay. true, but if you were a straight white guy who played football, you really couldn't have a bad day. gloria? hmm? which watch should i pack? this one's showier. this one's more expensive. why do you care so much about a watch? how do i say this without sounding like an ass? i'm kind of a legend to these guys. not like that. (honks horn, shifts gears) hey! (turns off engine)

who's your daddy? whoa! whose car is this? mine! i talked him into it. seriously? mom's gonna let you have this? (car door closes) luke, luke, luke... where is she? dad, i don't like this. why not? my friend molly's dad bought a sports car, and now he lives in a studio apartment and dates a girl who works at forever 21, which she won't be for two years. hear that? honey, i'm not leaving your mom. might not be your call. oh, my god, it's so pretty! i love it! and i love you, and i promise i'll take super good care of it! can i tell her? please. i ask for so little. alex, be nice to your sister. it's dad's car, not yours. what? but you're too old for this! it's just like last year when you wouldn't take off those skinny jeans. wouldn't or couldn't? hey. i looked hot. and you look hot in this car. let me tell you something about your dad. your dad is a man and he gets it. oh. at least that's what i heard. you know, i was there more as a friend and an observer than anything. andre. hey, claire.

honey. is this the new car? i know it looks impractical, but andre's seen a lot of people die. i'm not upset. i'm not upset. it's a beautiful car. just surprised you didn't get the sedan, that's all. beautiful. good seeing, you, cl-- mm. it's beautiful. what just happened? she did not blink once. do you wanna come in for a minute? no, i gotta... you know, i gotta get to the wife. uh, do you need a ride or anything? no. no, no, i'm gonna, uh, i'm-a jog. why--why are you running? i'm just gonna jog! lily was up all night because she didn't have bunny, which means that we were up all night because she didn't have bunny. god, she must have cried for... how long was it, cam? (snoring) cam. cam. hmm? oh, sorry. uh, last night was rough because lily... covered it. didn't have bunny. jay, tell me, why are we on the runway? surprise! we're taking a private plane.

wow! i've never been on a private plane! and you never will. i am not getting on that little thing! what if the rubber band snaps and we fall out of the sky? it's perfectly safe. it's a legitimate airline! hey, folks. whoa. nobody said three. all right. before we take off, i'm gonna need to get everyone's weight here. (pen clicks) no problem. i'm about 190. okay. oh, yeah. in that case, i'm 275. gloria, i would never put you and manny in danger. now come on! trust me on this! beautiful. it's american music the whole way, and i don't wanna hear a word.

how you doing there, sport? great. yeah. awesome. you know what's awesome? is this car has the engine in the trunk, so that means i get to... put these signs in the seat, which is cool.

very cool. (cell phone alert chimes) huh. what? oh, nothing. my, uh, client just wants me to pick her up on the way to the open house, which is great. i'll, uh, drop the sign off and just swing across town to... (chimes) oh. she's bringing her mom and a designer. well, maybe they'll fit in the trunk. here it comes! what? i was making a joke. what's your game, woman? i have no game. you're an adult. you can make your own choices. since when? do you wanna borrow the minivan? yes, please. okay, fine. then you're gonna have to pick up the kids from school. okay, i can't take it. if you got something to say, just say it. i have nothing to say. that just says it all. well, okay. (latin music playing) uh-huh. uh-huh. all--all right. thank you, serena. see you tonight. (music stops) good news--they rescheduled my massage for the morning. bad news--it's a dude.

don't blame me. it's your mom's fault. do you know how many people have died in these planes? john denver, patsy cline, ritchie valens. i've heard you sing. i think you're safe. all right, look, the welcome dinner starts in four hours. it's a 5-hour drive. no bathroom breaks. (slurps) uh-oh. i think you're gonna want to hold on to that cup. (loud bang) damn it! what was that? giant pothole. (tire thudding) the dash is lighting up like a christmas tree. tire's blown! this never would have happened if we were in the air! if this had happened in the air, we wouldn't be in the air. we would be in rock 'n' roll heaven! (engine stops) okay, what do you think? i'm gonna put these in the subway. okay, it looks like, uh, lily's missing and we're offering $25 to get her back. oh, don't be ridiculous. no one in their right mind-- okay. that's all i see now. how about this one? okay. um... "missing--stuffed bunny. brown and white fur. sympathetic eyes." what are sympathetic eyes? not those. i just--i don't really love the idea of our phone number being up in the subway. okay, let's play a different game. how about i be the problem, and you be the solution?

i'm sorry. i shouldn't be so critical. i know you're just trying to--got it! just came up with a better idea. took me less than five seconds. okay... (speaking inaudibly) huh? i can't hear you. what? window. i don't know... gah! what did i do? (laughs) oh. oh, my. yes. hi. hey, nice car. thank you. you gonna drive up the coast, or... oh, no. i'm gonna do some errands, actually. yeah, 'cause other people might go and buy a crazy car with an engine in the-- in the trunk, but not me. no. i'm responsible. mm-hmm. we have three kids. you can't pick up three kids in this car. you can't. you--it... it... i'll get you... catch ya. (car horn honks) i'm going! maybe i was a teeny bit mad. so i blew off my errands and headed up the coast.

it was my turn to be irresponsible. and luckily, i had sunscreen in my purse. well, your strut's shot, and we can't get parts for at least a day. fantastic. i don't suppose there's any place you can rent cars anywhere around here? know what, sir? we're not some one-horse town. of course you can rent a car. it just happens to be out for the day. it's unbelievable. we're gonna miss the whole weekend. i am sorry, jay. i know how much you mean to those guys, and i know how much they want to see you. i'm so sorry. uh, excuse me. you are... so pretty. and if you really need to get somewhere, maybe i can help you out. ay, yes, please! thank you! anything! check it out. restored it myself. no. i did not get in the little plane at the little airport! i'm not gonna get in this... takka-takka-takka-takka

flown by that guy that couldn't fix our car! gloria, it's either this, or we're in the motel. i don't like the sound of that. a lot of amenities disappear when an "h" becomes an "m." you know, when i met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket. (mitchell) hey, lily, guess what. what? uh, we just heard from bunny. (lowered voice) this is a terrible idea. no, it's fantastic. bunny said he's on an amazing adventure having the time of his life, and that you should pick one of his best friends to sleep with while he's gone. bunny doesn't talk. this is going great. he does now, because-- because he took talking lessons. so what do you think, huh? turtle or giraffe or, uh, little reindeer? where's bunny now? uh, st. louis. why? he's visiting his girlfriend. he doesn't have a girlfriend. he has a boyfriend! aw! aw! i want bunny! okay. no, no, lily. lily, uh, what about miss, uh, teddy bear?

no? uh, dr. tiger? no? mr. fish? i want bunny. i'm going to st. louis. really? you don't know nemo? it's on an endless loop in the den. i have a job. and then bodie kicked it to me, and i dribbled it past michael and got it to tyler... i was bummed not to be in my new cool car, so i wasn't joking around with the kids like i usually do. and i would've scored if that kid didn't trip me. i can't believe the ref didn't see it. i bet olivia saw it. she's always watching you when you play. (scoffs) yeah, i know. it's like she's in love with soccer. (crunching) (mouth full) ugh. stop texting me! what? corey. he is so clingy. (speaks chinese dialect) but, you know, there's something about driving your kids around. you're in the front, they're in the back. they forget you're there, and you learn so much. you're like sigourney weaver in "gorillas in the mist." except gorillas make less noise chewing. (crunching loudly)

once i hit the coast highway, i didn't stop. i turned off my cell phone. i ate fish tacos for lunch. it was insane! i haven't felt that free in years. all my stress completely disappeared... and so did my keys.

odern family" will be right back.

i'm sorry, but... these signs are ridiculous. oh, you're right. i should have used helvetica. it much better represents the urgency of our situation. no, the lengths that we're going to for a stuffed animal. you know, cam, maybe it's time lily learned about loss. no, she's 3, and i know. do you know how many times i had to say good-bye to a furry friend on the farm? and didn't it make you stronger? yeah, because i was a growing boy and they were chock-full of protein. but it was still heartbreaking. it builds character. you know, once, when i was a kid, my dad left my luke skywalker doll on an airplane, and i was so angry-- wait, which--which luke? shorty robe or dress blacks? shorty robe. oh, my. and you know what he did to get it back? not a damn thing. nope. he didn't lift one pudgy finger to make a single phone call, and i got over it. yeah, well, i want you and lily to have the same healthy relationship you and your father have. for sure. all right, give me these flyers. i'm gonna take everything to this side of the homeless guy. (lowered voice) mitchell! sorry, what are we supposed to say now? home-challenged? or... no, look! oh, my god! it's bunny!

oh, lily's gonna be so happy. oh, that's so great. go ahead and get it. what, me? yeah. why should i go and get it? i'm not gonna do it. i spotted it. you're closer. it's your journey. luke skywalker? pattern-breaking? your father? get in there. fine. sir--hi, sir. hello, you--you... (singsongy) hello. he-hello? sir... i-i can't... oh, for god's sake! (coughing, hawking) (grunts) let her hate us. you turned out great. i did, didn't i? you're a big lawyer. (vibrating) this is not the massage i had in mind. all right. okay. in about an hour, a train goes through town that will get us close to pebble beach. now it's not technically a-a passenger train, so it won't be stopping. what?

so we gotta get running real good. no high-heeled shoes. and it wouldn't be wrong if we took that blanket with us, either, huh? so what do you say? anybody up for a hobo adventure? if we're voting, i'm a "no." manny, we're gonna be right back. we're gonna get some ice from the machine in the parking lot. classy. (click, vibrating) jay, this is getting crazy. is it worth it? i wanna see the old gang. do you wanna see them or you want to show off to them? the private plane, the fancy watch. you still want to feel that you're the big kahuna on the campus. that's not it. that's not even a thing. i'm taking manny home. if you want to go in the takka-takka-takka-takka, okay. go to pebble beach by yourself. no, what? that's not the plan. if you wanna go there so bad, that's the only way you're gonna get there. i'm not trying to get me there. i'm trying to get you there! what? look... i may have exaggerated the size... kahuna i was. i may not...

technically have been a kahuna. i was shy, and i spent most of my time... on the bench. but you always made it sound like you-- i know what i made it sound like. people didn't expect much from me, and, um... they certainly didn't expect me to end up with... somebody like you. so this is all about you parading me around like a trophy? (whispers) yes. why didn't you say so? i can be a trophy! come on. we need to get this up to pebble beach. manny! we're leaving! get ready! oh, good. if we get out of here in the next ten minutes, we don't have to pay for the second hour. how you doing there, sport?

i'm sorry. that's okay. thanks. (keys jangle) so... whatcha doing all the way up here? did someone snap? a little. yeah. i was mad at you for buying that stupid sports car. i knew it! and i was wrong. it's a great car. god, i had the best day. phil, i did cartwheels. without me? mm-hmm. yeah. hey, did you know there's a girl with a crush on luke? olivia. yeah. mm. oh, and haley's totally done with corey. that's new. alex is teaching herself chinese so she'll be useful when they finish buying us. she's so weird. i really want to be able to drive the kids around. i need a bigger car for work. i made a mistake. no, you didn't. you bought it for a reason.

when did we stop coming to the beach? i think it was when alex started printing out water quality reports. she'll be china's problem soon. you know... we don't need a sports car to get out here. mm. we should just make a pact. once a month, we get out to the beach. and we tell everyone we're running errands. yeah. yeah. so you didn't get to the dry cleaner? (manny) they say the important thing in life isn't the destination. it's the journey... the challenges you face along the way... the unexpected twists and turns... (shouts) the disappointments you overcome.

(singsongy) look what i found on the internet. oh, my god! it's luke skywalker in his shorty robe! i love it, cam--no. mine! but they're wrong. it's all about the destination, especially when the destination is your amazing oceanfront hotel. thank you again, serena. warmest regards, manny delgado. what's he doing? he's sending flowers to the concierge. oh, geez. hey... (snaps fingers) credit card. mm-hmm.

she wore you down, didn't she? this is not about claire. i really want to sell you the car. it's sad. she got you to believe that. no, i... turns out i'm just not a convertible guy. well, your loss is my gain. it's a sweet ride, phil. right? it really is. wow. (sniffs) uh-oh. what? i'm getting, like, a whiff of mildew. (sniffs) i don't smell anything. (inhales deeply) (inhales deeply) yep. that's mildew. huh? this car's been in the flood. it's a katrina car! i'm offended that you tried to sell me a katrina car, phil! your wife won't let you have a convertible, will she? we will never know, 'cause i'm afraid to ask. see you later, phil.

why are you running again?