[ sports crowd cheering on tv ] >> joaquin! wake up! [ tv turns off ] >> i was watching that! >> it was watching you! you were watching the back of your eyelids! i already got to talk to the light company about this $1,200 light bill y'all done ran up. >> what does that mean to me? >> it means sit there and hush your mouth -- hello? yeah, this is leroy s. brown, and the "s" is for...still on hold. dang it! put me on hold no more... >> joaquin. >> unplugging everything. >> i told you to clean your room two hours ago. >> i did already. >> no, posting a "keep out" sign on your door is not cleaning your room, son. >> i told you not to go in there! >> i'm sorry. you told me what? >> uh, lord, don't let him kill this precious lamb -- uh, yeah, yeah! hey! no, don't put me on hold no more! i don't want to be on hold. >> all right, is your homework done? >> most of it. [ tv turns on ] >> how many times do i have to

tell you no tv until your homework is finished? [ tv turns off ] >> one more time? >> don't test me. >> i'm not testing you. >> what was that, young man? >> nothing. >> you better go on upstairs while you still have legs, joaquin. >> sometimes i hate it here! i wish i was grown! >> oh, god. boy done lost his mind. [ harp plays ] [ tv turns on ] [ sports crowd cheering on tv ] >> hey, will. >> hey, little man. [ tv turns off ] >> will? >> joaquin? >> both: aah!

>> i'm on the phone! >> what am i doing down there? >> what am i doing up there? >> is that what my bangs look like? >> is that what my head looks like? >> both: what did you do?! >> i'm you... >> and i'm you. >> somehow we switched bodies. >> yes. i know. hey, hey. >> uncle brown! oh! >> i was in the kitchen eating, and when i came out -- >> wishing that i was grown, and then all of a sudden -- >> i was joaquin! >> oh, that's messed up. wait a minute. y'all better not keep trying to put me on hold! let me talk to a supervisor. i need a supervisor. give me a supervisor. >> both: aah! you know what they say.

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>> uhh! joaquin! >> oh, this is crazy. how did this happen? >> i don't know. you're the one that made the wish. >> wow. i can't believe i'm so tall. hey, there's money up there. >> that's cora's emergency stash. >> is this her emergency dirt, too? >> little boy, get your butt down here. >> hey, you can't talk to me like that. i'm bigger than you now. >> now, joaquin. >> okay. >> so, what exactly did you say before all this happened? >> well, i-i think i said i wish i was...an adult. or was it grown? i don't remember. hey, can i get a juice box? >> focus! >> okay. um...

okay. i-i think i said i wish i was an adult. >> okay. this time, close your eyes and say, "i wish i was a kid again." >> okay. i...wish... i kind of was a kid again. >> what do you think? >> i don't know. let's open our eyes and see. >> it didn't work. damn! >> [ gasps ] ooh! will, joaquin cursed. >> i did? he did?! >> yeah, he did. get him. get him. >> i forgive you. >> thanks, "dad." >> are you serious? you grounded me when i cursed.

>> well, that's because i like him better than you. now, go away. shoo. go away. i have adult things to do, like go to the bank and pull out tons of money and buy a suit and new games for joaquin. but first...i got to pee. >> okay. hey, dirt face, how much is it gonna cost me to get you to cover for me tonight while i sneak out to angie's party? >> you do that? >> don't play stupid. you know the deal. i pay you to cover for me. >> and how long have we been doing this? >> you're acting weird. why are you acting like that? >> i'm just curious. how long? >> okay, you're being weird. >> maybe i should just tell will. >> well, maybe i should tell

will that you hide brussels sprouts in your backpack. >> do i? >> yeah, you twerp. >> go to your room until i can have a talk with you. >> whatever. you're not the boss of me. >> but i am. yeah, and i got big muscles, so go ahead and try me. i dare you. >> okay. >> ha ha ha! i got the power! >> don't overdo it. we have to deal with this. >> oh, i know, and, um, the hospital called your cell. you have a mandatory meeting today. >> oh, i forgot about that. we have to go. okay, you be me, and i'll be you. >> okay. ooh! can i drive? >> no. we're getting a cab. >> tsk.

>> joaquin, can you get the house keys for me? >> sure thing. [ clears throat ] [ deep voice ] what's the magic word? >> now! >> [ normal voice ] okay. [ deep voice ] 'scuse me. [ giggles ] [ normal voice ] this is awesome. hey, hey! um, can i carry you? >> oh, my goodness. >> shotgun! >> uh, yes, finally. i need to -- [ beep ] charge this cellphone. 555-555-0555. >> hello? uh, yes. i need help with this electric bill. >> thank you for calling. your call is very important to us and will be answered

shortly. >> well, how long is shortly gonna take? >> mr. brown, you still on hold? >> no, cora, i super-glued the phone to my ear. >> again? ha ha ha! >> "ha ha ha!" that ain't funny, cora. the bill wouldn't be so high if you'd hang your hair out to dry on the line like i told you. >> this is all mine. >> yeah, right, cora. >> you're gonna miss me when i'm gone. >> well, how about we start practicing that today? >> thank you for holding. >> uh, yes, yes. >> your call will be answered in less than one minute. please have your account number and a pen ready. >> cora, pass me the pen and the bill right there. they're on the phone. >> oh, i got to hang my hair out to dry. >> cora, i'm not playing with you, little girl. give me the pen and the thing there. pass it over here. >> what? oh, this bill? >> yes. >> oh. oops. ha ha ha! >> cora, just for that, i'm not gonna let you use none of the electric no more. hold -- hold on. >> for help with a bill, press or say 4. >> wait. hold --

wait! hold on! i wish i had tentacles like edna. >> for help with a bill, press or say 4. >> there we go. uh, what you say? >> for service interruption, press or say 3. >> oh, that's it. >> for help with a bill, press or say 4. >> okay, that's me. >> you have chosen 3. would you like to make a payment arrangement? >> yes! i need somebody to help me with this bill because this $1,200 bill ain't mine. my bill shouldn't be but $60. >> i'm sorry. i didn't understand you. please repeat your request. >> [ robotically ] my bill shouldn't be but $60. i want to talk to a human being. >> for your convenience, an english or spanish menu is available. >> okay, i see. go ahead. >> [ speaking spanish ] >> no! e-e-- no! english! en-go-rish. en-go-lish! julio iglesias!

>> un momento, por favor. >> what the jalapeño, tamale -- what?! no! hello? >> okay, we're gonna go to the meeting for a few minutes. in and out, and don't say nothing, okay? >> got it. >> what are you doing back here, you little rent-a-kid? get out of here. you get on my nerves. >> hey, uh, r-renee, you got any candy? >> sure do. couple of pieces. >> wow! thanks! >> you don't need any candy, will. >> well, of course i do... son. >> aw! look at will and wikipedia playing. >> boy, you're strong. >> heh heh heh! yeah. >> why don't you go play your videogame? >> okay. >> yeah. >> cool.

>> so, renee, what's happening? >> nothing. what's happening with you? >> i mean, where are they having the meeting? i... i mean, will can't be late. >> oh. can you tell will that the meeting is postponed? i was supposed to tell him, and i forgot. i always do that. i always forget to tell him stuff. >> hmm. well, that's not very professional. how do you cover? >> oh, it's easy. watch this. will? hey, will? >> hmm? >> um, dr. graves just called right now, and he said that the meeting is postponed. he just said that right now at this moment. >> i don't care. >> see? easy. >> the meeting's canceled. hey, joaquin, the meeting's canceled. let's go. let's go. >> oh. okay.

>> come on. oh, man! >> oh, and how are my 2 favorite men, huh? [ giggles ] what's joaquin doing here? [ will and joaquin both talk at once ] >> um... i was teaching joaquin... what it's like to be a doctor. >> oh, that sounds cool. well, since i've got you here, i have a question. you remember that patient that you treated last week? what was her prognosis? >> [ clears throat ] she was sick, very sick. never seen anything like it. >> i thought she had a broken leg. >> and she was sick about it. >> okay. >> let's go, will. >> okay. >> yeah. >> uh, you guys want to stick around for lunch? >> no! >> yes! >> paging nurse brown. >> oh, i got to get that. you know what? i will be right back. >> eww!

>> oh, right. not at work. boy, please. >> ow. >> [ chuckles ] >> okay, here's our chance. here's your stuff. let's go. >> okay. >> okay. >> [ gasping and coughing ] >> uhh! that's disgus-- that's nasty. cover your mouth! oh, my god. you don't have any manners? what? what are you saying? i don't know what you're saying. oh, you're choking! she's choking! she's choking! >> [ coughing ] [ female announcer ] come to jcpenney for our lowest prices of the season. get doorbusters friday 3pm to saturday 1pm. like, 25-55% off fine jewelry and bijoux bar and 50% off all dresses. plus, 4 days only starting friday get a coupon at jcp.com for an extra 10, 15 or 20 dollars off. jcpenney. or 20 dollars off. [ cherry ] today i'm talkingdo you use dry paper?p. i'll go with both. if that's there, i'm taking it. why? it feels good. it feels clean.

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twizzlerize your tricks and treats with twizzlers. the twist you can't resist. >> take her down to the emergency. >> wow. that was so cool! can -- can you teach me how to do that? >> of course, when i get my body back. now let's go. >> mm-hmm. that was really impressive, joaquin. >> thanks. will taught me everything i know. >> oh, is that right? and what is a normal blood pressure reading? >> everybody knows that it's -- >> i'm talking to the doctor! >> everybody knows it's, uh, uh... 2? zero. one. uh... umbrellas. uh -- >> i knew it! you are so busted! >> we are? >> yes, yes. i'm not stupid.

you had this kid take your medical exam for you. >> no, he didn't take my exams. >> mm-hmm. >> we switched bodies. >> then i don't cheat on my taxes. >> no, it's true. >> mm-hmm. >> then prove it. >> you take 2-hour breaks, shop in the lost and found, and haven't bought a single roll of toilet paper since you've been here. >> everybody knows that. >> your pudding hook-up is in the chinese restaurant on mlk. >> you did switch bodies! [ gasps ] >> see? now you believe us? >> yes! yes! yes, i do. oh, i heard about this happening -- this freaky kind of stuff -- but i've never been a part of it. this is so cool! oh, my god. like the man who got struck by lightning and still lived. >> what?! >> yes, and the woman that was in the plane crash still lived. >> no! >> mm! kanye west? >> what's so strange about kanye west? >> really? >> so, what can you do to help? >> well, i wouldn't let kanye west go to any awards

shows, because he's -- >> i mean us. >> oh, i can't. >> [ sighs ] >> ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! yes! but my cousin key-lo-lo in new orleans -- she has been known to work some miracles with a root, some asian hair, and cream corn. >> what type of miracles? >> oh, two words for you -- flavor flav. yeah, boy! >> now, this don't make no sense. you call, you expect somebody to answer you in a timely manner. >> mr. brown, you still haven't got through yet? >> no, cora. cora, could you do me a favor? pick the phone up in the kitchen. this one is a little staticky. >> mr. brown, do you know the -- >> cora, do what i asked you. could you please get the phone? it's staticky. >> i'm just trying to tell you -- >> cora, do what your daddy tell you to do. i'm trying to do something positive for this whole family. you're just selfish...with your slow-drying hair. yes? >> hello? >> oh, finally, a real person. yes! >> it's me, mr. brown.

>> cora? girl, when you start working at the light company? >> no, i'm in the kitchen. >> hang on. i'll be right there. hang on. hang on. >> you said hang up. i didn't say hang up. you do realize how stupid that cordless phone in your hand, don't you? >> really? >> well, cora, what we gonna do? >> nincompoop. >> it's 555... >> welcome to our automated services. >> hello? repeat yourself. >> for english, press or say one. >> ohh! what i'm gonna press one again for? i'm just gonna press everything and see if i get everybody. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. how you get 10 on this, cora? >> no. >> we have to change back. >> oh, i don't want to! >> you don't have a choice. >> look, for the first time in

my life, i feel like i do. you don't know what it's like to be small and picked on. >> what? you think i was born that size? >> you were probably born my size. >> actually, i was smaller than you. >> you were? >> really? >> but i was confident. >> really? >> after i got those braces taken out. >> ooh, you had braces and that big old head? ooh, you were a loser. >> really? >> sorry. okay, i'm just gonna leave you 2 mixed-up kids to talk this out. >> will? weren't you supposed to transfer money into the kids' college funds today? >> um... why can't we just do it tomorrow? >> because the enrollment deadline was at noon today. we are gonna lose so much money in interest. >> uh, i-i'm sorry. i-i didn't realize. >> you were supposed to bring my car to the shop. >> that was today? >> mm-hmm, and brianna said you forgot to pick her up from work today. >> oh, uh, i-i was busy.

>> what, too busy for your kids? will, i don't know what's gotten into you lately, but you're supposed to be an example to joaquin. we depend on you to be head of this family, so the next time you want to take a little vacation from your responsibilities, how about you let us know, okay? >> ooh, i heard your face crack all the way out there. >> wow. maybe being an adult isn't as much fun as i thought it would be. >> and going through puberty again wouldn't exactly be a picnic. >> shall we try this now? come on. let's do it. >> okay, let's do this. why didn't it work? >> oh, hell! plan b! >> ow! [ harp plays ]

>> joaquin. joaquin. >> will? >> hey, man, that was some nap you just took there. did you clean your room? >> it's cleaner than it's ever been. i missed you. >> uh...okay. i missed you, too. >> hey. >> hey, sweetheart. >> anybody want to watch a movie? >> sure. what do you got? >> i don't know. how about "freaky friday"? >> no! no! no! no! no! >> what's wrong with him? >> uh, mm-mmm.

>> how may i help you? >> uh, yes, yes! uh, hello? i received a disconnect notice in the mail for a $1,200 electric bill. >> that sounds like a mistake, but i can't help you. >> why you can't help me? >> because this is the gas company. [ click ]

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hey, how you doing? fine, thanks. i'm lou. i just moved in next-door. so you did. excuse me! arthur: hey! you're not going to believe who's outside. lou ferrigno. doug: ferrigno? get out of here. i'm telling you, it's him! the incredible hulk! he just moved in next-door! carrie: you're crazy. i was just--i was just looking for something. oh! here it is! great. got it. thanks.

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followed by delicious entrees, like our new bacon jack grilled chicken with fresh avocado, from our $20 dinner for two menu. chili's. more life happens here. laura's being healthy and chewing her multivitamin. with one-a-day vitacraves for women! it's a great-tasting gummy multivitamin designed for women with more calcium and vitamin d. it's gummies for grown-ups. get $2 off at oneaday.com. hey, guys.mmies for grown-ups. merry christmas. can i help you with something? i got great deals here. uh, yeah. actually, looking for a gift for the wifey. um... you know what? can i see those 2 cameras right there? these are both excellent. i have them both at home. does this one have a zoom? yes, it does. it doesn't say zoom on the sticker. then it doesn't have it. so, can i ring you up? hang on a sec. deac! what do you think of this one? it's nice. hey, maybe i'll get kelly one, too. whoa. 80 bucks? i can't do that, man. she loses everything.

ok. i can do 40. i'm going to go for this one. oh. well, thank you for making my camera look that much better. and thank you for making me look good whenever we walk down the street together. ok, i was just kidding, and you went to a really dark place. hey, arthur. douglas, tell me if this sounds repetitive. "dear mr. ferrigno, "i thought your work on the incredible hulk was, in a word, incredible." why are you writing him a letter? it's going with my screenplay. i think lou ferrigno is just the man to get it produced. oh, arthur. not the screenplay again. don't give it to him. just don't. why not? he's our neighbor. i don't want him to think we're freaks. oh, and i suppose mr. gary sinise thought i was a freak when i gave him a copy? you threw it at him on the subway, and yes.

listen, once word gets out that lou ferrigno lives here, he'll have 50 scripts on his doorstep. i'm going to make sure the first script in that pile is reconsidering sandy! the title doesn't even make sense. i read it, and there's no one in there named sandy. you obviously don't understand how the business works. ok, almost done with my shopping. i just got to get something for kelly. hey, who couldn't use a totes umbrella, hmm? no, it has to be nice. last year, she got us those crystal candlesticks, and we got her toilet paper that looks like money. speaking of gifts, i got you a gift today that's going to make you one happy lady. really? what is it? oh, no. i'll never tell. come on, what is it? no, it's a surprise. but i will say this. it's really, really nice. all right. well, give me a clue. uh...ok. well, it's about yea big-- is it a camera?!

damn it! how did you get a camera from this? well, you kind of held it up to your face, and i think you made a snapping motion. you couldn't just leave it alone, could you? you had to ask for a clue. did i know you were going to mime taking a picture? so, what do we do? do i give it to you now, or do we wait till christmas? well, if you give it to me now, i could actually take pictures during christmas. like, i could bring it to my office holiday party. i guess. and i could take a picture of you doing your traditional santa stuck in the fireplace gag. that should be captured on film, yes. wait here. it's in the closet. tv: hey, looks like more passengers this trip. ah, keep your fingers crossed. we may have some luck. you turned on the tv? i'm giving you a gift! i'm sorry. ok, ok. all right. well, anyways, merry christmas.

and just remember, if we could have held out till christmas morning, there'd be a beautiful bow on that plastic bag. oh, it is so nice! you like it? yeah, i love it. see, i knew you'd like it, 'cause it's got a wrist strap, and it's also-- you can hook it up to your belt. and it comes with batteries. but like, whatever, you know. whatever. this is a great camera. you did really good. thank you. so if i guess what you got me, can i get it now? ok! a snow saucer? sure i can't get you anything, lou? some 'nilla wafers? no, thank you. we have some very nice popsicles, if you're looking for something light. that's all right. so, let's talk turkey. what are we thinking? do we like? well, arthur, i read reconsidering sandy, and to be honest with you, i was pretty confused.

confused about what? well, first of all, there are 3 different characters named mike. let me ask you a questiolou. have you ever met anyone else named lou? well, yes. slice of life, my friend. i just writes it the way i sees it. so, what's the next step? can you get us a meeting at the william morris office? i don't think so. uh-huh. oh ho ho. i get it. i understand your problem. look, even though you're not right for the lead character of smitty, don't worry. i have a very nice part in mind for you. henchman number 2! that's another thing. there is no henchman number one.

oh! hi, lou. how are you? good. so, how are you liking the neighborhood? it's great. i grew up around here. great to be back. uh-huh. um... is he bothering you? darling, can't you see i'm in a business meeting here? excuse me... good lord. you see what's going on in there? yeah, i see it. i went in there for a ring ding, and your father ran at me like a badger. today was gift day at work. check it out. hot ziggity, you hit the mother lode. what do we got going on here, huh? well, we got some wine, got a basket of soaps and skin creams from one of the partners. um, some homemade biscotti. homemade? cheap-o! oh, i didn't even open this one. this one's from pruzan. he just made partner. he gave one of these to all the secretaries. what is it? what is it? what is it? it's...another camera.

it's a small one. what is it? it's like a key chain one or something? i don't know. it's callthe scamp. what cereal box did that come out of? yeah, i know. right? actually it's got a panoramic setting. that's kind of cool. does it? and it takes this new kind of film. i guess it just... pops right in there and... oh, look at that. it's already winding. wow, you can hook it up to a computer. huh. huh. but--but the one you got me is totally... you know. totally what? well, you know. yours has that whole... the strap thing. you know what you got here? you got yourself a better camera. no, come on. better? who's to say better, huh? we're taking pictures of the same thing. doesn't make the people look any better, right?

actually, the scamp can backlight you like an angel. come on, don't be ridiculous. now, i love your camera, and i'm taking your camera to my office party tomorrow night. ok? honey? all right. ok. darling... i'm losing lou here. would you mind making him up a 12-egg omelette? ok. time to party on down with the same people i see 51 hours a week. thank you so much for my scamp. i just love it! it's just so cool. it was so above and beyond. hey, it's a great little camera for a great little worker. ok, here we go. now, let's take some pictures with your great camera. huh? ok. ok, i got it right here. i'll just load in some film.

ok, here we go. easy as pie. ow! ok. that pinched a little bit. yeah. you got to line the wheels up on the sprockety thing. ok, good. there you go. all right. good, that was easy! ok. ok. hey, carrie! oh, hi, amy. doug, do you remember amy? oh, sure. hi. how are you? so i just loaded up some film. let me get a shot of you two. all right? ok. all right. ok. here we go. actually, you know what? i'm looking for the flash...thing. you should have brought your scamp. it's totally intuitive. oh, the--yeah. doug got me this great camera. i'm going to use this. yeah, it's... i don't know. whatever. ok. it, uh, just has to warm up a second. [high-pitched electronic sound] heyyyyy. hey. holidays.

ok, ok! it's ready. here we go. hey, you guys. you mind if we jump in? oh. sure, ok. here we go. all right. i'm going to want a copy of this one. ok. make sure you get the christmas tree in the picture. oh, i don't think i can fit all that in there. you know what? everybody squoosh. uh, squoosh some more. where's your scamp? it's got that awesome panoramic setting. no, i got this. this one's great. ok, here we go. amy, i'm only getting half your face, honey. ok. you know, everybody can fit a lot better without me in there. ok? i'm going to go grab some booze. ok, you know what? everybody just hang on one second. ok, here we go. panoramic setting, and everybody say, "candy cane!" ok. candy cane. you brought your scamp? no! what is this?! you know what? just do me a favor, ok? return the camera i bought you.

uh...ok, you know what happened? i must have put this in my purse, and then i forgot-- carrie! take the picture with the camera you love. there should be some way to make it easier. [ doorbell rings ] what is a wetjet? some kind of a mopping device. morty, there's a lot of dirt on here. it's almost like dancing. [ both humming ] the swiffer dance.

[ both humming ] i have no idea what this is. i really don't. i'm going to check it out here. aah! the tight lies 3-wood. thank you! this is great. douglas, smile and hold it up. god, this thing is a joy to use. honey, you're sure you're ok with this whole camera thing? yeah, i know i got nutty at the party the other night, but, i don't know. why shouldn't you keep the better camera, right? plus, bonus gave me a chance to get you an even better gift. [doorbell] oh, that's probably lou. i asked him to stop by. you two just sit, watch, and learn. lou!

hi. glad you could stop by! i have a present for you. arthur, the cheese wheel was plenty. go ahead. open it. oh. your screenplay. my revised screenplay. you'll notice the lead character, smitty, is now a 250-pound weightlifter. you played your hand well, mr. ferrigno. arthur, i really can't do anything with your script. i'm sorry. i have to go. have a nice holiday. take it easy, lou. the game continues. come on. new gift time. let's go. open it up! whee-eee... [giggles]

wow! giraffes! that great! because giraffe's your favorite animal. your boss is not going to be giving you that. huh? no, he won't. so, you like it? i love it! so, try it on! honey, i love this camera. what a great gift. thank you. yeah, well... i thought you might like it. oh! it's another one for me. this one is from doug and carrie. hey. it's another camera. what? this is a really nice one. there's even a box. yours just came in plastic. wait a second. this is the same camera doug gave to carrie. she turned around and gave it to you! what? how do you know? because doug and i went out to buy cameras together. look, the film's already in it. and they took a picture! wait, wait, wait! you were at the store with doug,

and then you saw him buy a better camera for carrie, and then you bought me this one? you lose cameras! so what time are deacon and kelly coming over? they should be here any minute. i've got to hurry up. what are we eating? a christmas goose? i got chicken. damn. i could really go for goose. or a tray of brownies. you're not going to wear your giraffe sweater? um, actually, i was going to wear this, because, um... come on, babe. here. wear the giraffe sweater. this would be great! i think that would really look good with those pants, too. black goes with everything. honey, um... are you sure you're not still mad about this whole camera thing? not at all. are you sure? because you do this sometimes. you bottle things up, and then sometimes they come out in these little... hostile ways. what do you mean?

oh, wait a second... you don't like the sweater? uh...well, uh... you think the giraffe sweater... was hostile? you--you tell me. you think i bought you a bad sweater on purpose because i'm still upset about a camera? like my sweater is so ugly it could only have been bought as a joke? wow! oh, my god. a beautiful giraffe sweater, a joke. all right! doug, come on, come on. look at my closet. you could see why... maybe i would... wonder... why giraffes? you said they were your favorite animal! at the zoo! that doesn't mean i want to be one! you know what? i'm sorry i bought you a great camera and what i thought was a great sweater. obviously, i bombed again. no, no. doug. no. listen to me. i'm sorry. i take it back. i love the sweater. you know what? i'm going to put it on. no. no! now you're not allowed to. no! hey, you know what? i may not have great taste, but i got great christmas spirit, which is more than i can say for you. [doorbell] i'm going down to greet our guests now.

feliz navidad. aw, come on, kel. remember when you lost those ray bans? you told me i should only buy you cheap stuff. well, i guess you took that to heart. i'm wearing it. i love giraffes. wearing this makes me feel closer to them. the more you talk, the more i hate. hey! merry christmas! hey! here's a bundt cake. oh, what are those? poppy seeds? mm-hmm. don't you hate the way they get stuck in your teeth? come in! yes! let me take that. all right. hey. why do you have giraffes on your sweater? well, because they're tall and spotted and just so darn fun! hey...thanks a lot! what's the matter? why did you give that better camera to kelly when you know i bought her one? what better camera? the one you bought when we went to the camera store. you know i bought her a piece of crap! i'll be right back. you gave my camera to kelly?! they know? yeah! deacon was with me when i bought it for you! well, you told me to get rid of it!

i said return it! now deacon's mad at me because he bought a less nice camera for kelly! this camera's bitten me in the ass twice! i'm out of ass cheeks! [doorbell] hi. is arthur here? yeah, hold on. yo, doug! there's someone here looking for arthur. hey! aren't you, uh... yes. lou! what a surprise! would you like some chicken? i know how you weightlifters like your chicken! how did you get your script into my bathroom? pretty clever, huh? if you're like me, you do most of your reading in the john. so, you broke into my house? i thought you'd like my moxie. apologize to them. it's not all my fault! kelly, honey, i barely used the camera! why did you say anything to them?! i didn't know he was going to go back and tell her! so, lou. what do you say? look, i just moved in. i have a million things to do. i haven't even finished unpacking.

come on. let's read a scene together. it'll come alive for you. would you stop it?! oh, god! look, i'm sorry. uh... it's christmas. we shouldn't be fighting. here, let me have that. i'll read it. have a nice holiday. merry christmas, everybody! everyone... lou ferrigno's right. we shouldn't be fighting. it's christmas. we're getting all worked up over presents. i'm sorry, baby. me, too. all right. come on. sit, sit, sit, sit. doug... i love the sweater. i do. and do you know why? because you gave it to me, and i love you. thank you. i love you, too, and... thank you for my golf club. well, this looks great.

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