and now abc's "jimmy kimmel li "jimmy kimmel live"! >> dicky: from hollywood, it's " jimmy kimmel live" ! tonight, sir elton john, and comedian whitney cummings. with cleto and the cletones. and now, stay right where you

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. i'm glad we're all here, i'll tell you. you know who else is here tonight. the great and powerful elton john is here. [ cheers and applause ] elton john has more hits and more pairs of glasses than any other recording artist. you know, years ago you probably know elton wrote a song for me. he said i could tell everybody, it was my song. it was about how wonderful the life is since i'm in the world. very sweet. guillermo, what's your all-time favorite elton john song, number one elton john song of all-time? >> guillermo: tiny -- tiny dancer.

>> jimmy: very good. that song was written for him. also tonight, very funny woman, whitney cummings is here with us. a special on hbo coming out this weekend. i would love to see whitney as the new bachelorette, wouldn't that be a fun thing? [ cheers and applause ] there isn't as much crying on "the bachelorette" as there is on "the bachelor" which makes it not as much fun. i think whitney would solve that. tonight was "bachelor" night on abc, quite an episode. "the bachelor" is like a reality show version of "the hobbit." everyone is on a mission to get the ring. and along the way many of these pilgrims become insane. much of the drama on tonight's show centered on olivia, who's the local news anchor from austin. she appears to be among the favorites to win ben's heart. some of the other women were talking about eolivia herein their back, making fun of her

so jamie, another contestant, did what any good fellow bachelor contestant would do, she got hold of olivia just to make sure she heard what all the terrible things the gals were saying. >> what were they saying? >> they started like picking apart -- like some of your like -- appearances. it's like stupid -- >> can i get? kankles. >> no. like tiny stupid -- talking about like your toes. >> my toes? >> i'm like -- >> i don't think -- >> jimmy: that is not right. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you don't talk about another woman's toes. olivia gets the shocking toe news. and then this is where she really hits it out of the park. later on, ben comes in to share some very bad personal news. and -- no, not a whoo. pay attention to how olivia responds.

morning from my family. two people who are close to my family passed abay in a plane crash last night. these two people have been pillars of my community back home since i was little. >> can i grab you? and talk to you? i'll lead the way. so, you know, everyone has things on their body that they just like wish they could change or things -- and like mine, waist-down, i hate my legs. i hate them. like people have written blogs that i have kankles. sorry. trying to be strong all the time. this is the scariest thing ever. >> jimmy: it is. she tries to be strong. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's the scariest thing ever. okay. now back to your friends that died. who were they again?

even crazier, ben gave her a rose. went from the toes to a rose just like that. it's inspirational. i really believe dr. martin luther king would have approved of this. meanwhile there's always at least one nut on the show. this season her name is lace. even if you don't watch "the bachelor" you know immediately hot crazy one is because some kind of haunted circus music plays behind her every time she talks. tonight lace had been with the words no bachelor ever wants to hear. >> ben, can i talk to you for a second? >> jimmy: "can i talk to you for a second?" never good. not from a doctor, not from your boss, not from one of the bachelorette. >> i just feel like going home might be easier. and maybe just continue working on myself. and trying to better myself. because you can't love someone else until you truly love yourself. >> jimmy: any sentence that begins with "like my tattoo

i'm in.ughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i know that's what the tattoo on your back says. but what does the dolphin on your ankle think?minated heard, she went home. but she's definitely going to be on "bachelor in paradise." that is a guarantee. meanwhile the bachelor,game, got a mention from none other than charles barkley. >> kobe bryant will play for the lakers his last trip to oakland and they are going to try to snap golden state's at home. they have won 36 in a row -- >> they got no chance. >> 18-0. >> they're like the black girl [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he was right. lakers went home crying in a limo. last night from charleston, south carolina, the democratic presidential debate between

and an unidentified man on the told his name is martin o'mally. if the democratic candidates were a boy band martin o'mally would be this guy. he look is familiar but -- you know what i'm saying? last night martin o'mally looked like the kid forced to choose between his parents at a divorce which is very sad are because you know, he's a middle-aged white guy, nice head of hair. 10 years ago they would have just handed him the nomination. now he's like the attractive older man sitting in the outdoorring an erectile dysfunction -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: it wasn't a bendly debate. bernie and hillary went at it. watch this look bernie gives sident obama has led our country out of the great recession. senator sanders called him weak, disappointing. he even in 2011 -- that again in slow motion.

[ applause ] >> jimmy: that's how a 74-year-old throws shade. a little extra poison. in a sense the debate was a victory for bernie sanders. in that he made it throughg without dying. meanwhile in london, the british parliament today actually had a debate on whether or not to ban country, for real. more than half a million people of great britain signed a petition demanding the trump from entering. so today lawmakers there -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: -- put that up for debate. >> this ridiculous individual [ laughter ] >> who may be elected as president of the unionald trump is a fool. he is free to be a fool. he is not free to be a dangerous fool on our shores. >> you don't need a crystal ball to recognize that t dealing with may be a

a buffoon. buffoonery. >> we've had a lot of talk in this debate aboutry. you've referred to mr. trump's buffoonery. >> donald trump is an idea. >> this man is crazy. >> donald trump as buffoon. >> jimmy: a waz z it. what is a wazzit? i've never heard of it ask elton john what it means, i have no idea. there you go, we're spreading fun all over the world now. today is the day on which we honor the life of dr.jr., who was a great man, no doubt. [ cheers and applause ] things. any fifth grader will tell you all you need to know aboutking but adults sometimes have a tendency to forget things. today we went on the street and asked people what they thought about martin luther kingmp for president. obviously that didn't happen.

individuals from weighing in in this of "lie witness news." >> dr. martin luther king jr. this morning came out endorsing donald trump for president. to that? >> he's don't. i on be a little nervous. i'd think he'd be the last one to endorse trump. >> whatr. martin luther king jr. endorsing donald trump for president? endorse donald trump for president, then maybe hell be a good president, his opinion. >> were you surprised that martin luther king jr. endorsed donald trump even though he got kicked off entice" last year? >> oh, yes. i would be surprised but you've got to do what's better -- you know, the rich are going to support the rich. and they got to know how to take care of their money.f donald trump being

care of their money -- sup tmz! >> were you surprised to learn that dr.g jr. never once voted for barack obama? >> actually -- i am. >> why is that? >> i am surprised. you would think because ofd want to vote for mr. obama himself. >> but the whole being deceased and not being able to get out to true. >> do you think martin luther king endorsing donald trump was a reaction to malcolm x endorsing hillary clinton? >> well, malcolm x and from martha's vineyard, they both -- malcolm x has a home on martha's vineyard so they vacation -- >> they>> yeah, they vacation, they golf together when they're on martha's vineyard. yes, my brother lives on martha's vineyard. >> does he see malcolmalking around? >> i've never seen him, my

>> anything you want to say to jr. on his big way? >> congratulations, martin luther king. if you support donald trump that's the right thing to do. if he's going to make this a better nation for us to live under, you've got my support too. let's make this one god, all the power in the world to you. so this is what we got to do for our country. >> let's bring the chargers in and keep theno, no, no, no, hey! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. save ourselves. when we come back, we're going to play "foreigner oraround, we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ]

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[ cheers and applause ]

welcome back.tney cummings are on the way. we shoot this show in the heart of hollywood, a great place to meet people of all ors from near and far. i like to put my observational skills to the test. it's time to play "foreigner or not." out onard, hello, cousin sal. >> sal: how you doing? >> jimmy: doing well. cousin sal will introduce me to seen this person before, the pedestrian is instructed not to speak so i can't tell if they have an accent. i will guess based on appearance alone if that person is a foreigner or not.al: we've done this a hundred times, are you telling me? >> jimmy: let's meet pedestrian number one. okay, well.re's a lot of thought that goes into trying to trick me on this. okay. hello there, sir, how you doing?

to talk. but i'm guessing this gentleman doesn't follow rules. i'm guessing -- this looks like a man who makes his own rules tookay. cheated. but you know what? i'm going to say foreigner. and you are from? >> sal: let'sed states. >> jimmy: oh my goodness, wait a minute, let me hear you talk again. >> i live in l.a. >> jimmy: oh, all right. what's that thing hanging around your neck? >> this is a: oh, yeah, you really do live in l.a., yeah. all right, we have a prize for you for participating. cousin sal will give you the things, an apple pie, enjoy. thank you very much. all right, thank you. all right. a kid who seems to have lost hishe boulevard. >> sal: he'll be fine. >> jimmy: okay, all right.

so -- can we pan down? i'd like to see the shoes. those are frequently a give-away. oh, yeah, okay. like that here in this country. but then -- i don't really know what's fashionable and what isn't. that you are a -- foreigner. >> sal: let's see the flag. -- yes, a foreigner! i can't see -- where are you from? >> from france. >> jimmy: >> jimmy: welcome, welcome. are you having fun? >> yes, so much fun. >> jimmy: are people being nice to you? >> very nice. >> jimmy: what have you donit to l.a.? >> i'm studying in ucla. >> jimmy: you're here studying. ucla. what subject are you studying? >> jimmy: okay, good. all right. all right, cousin sal has a prize for you.

it is a delicious bon soir. all right. 1 for 2. all right, okay. on his shirt, she's an american. but her appeal is international so you really never know with this sort of thing. the hair is -- be -- you know, things have really -- in the old days this the hair would not have been acceptable here in hollywood. correct, cousin agree with you, yeah. >> jimmy: i see. and his shirt is in english. can we see the shoes, please? the shoes are -- okay. adidas that could be anything. you know what? i'm going to go out on a limb here, i'm going to say american. i'm going to guess -- usa.from? >> jimmy: what is this? dual citizenship? wow. >> i was born in mexico but i live here. >> jimmy: what?

don't fit in, leave? >> that's what they keep saying. but i don't want to. >> jimmy: guillermo, do you know guys with red hair in>> guillermo: no way! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. i think you get half the apple pie, i'll take the other half, okay? >> sal: he was great in "thegirl." >> is it gluten free? >> jimmy: you really are from l.a. thank you very much. are they gluten free, cousin sal? >> sal: i'll eat themu know. >> jimmy: so this guy -- of course i would guess that this is an american because he has a giants shirt on. but knowing cousin salr give me a lay-up like that. he has kind of an irish look to him. might not know that that's a team, might just think it's souvenir from his visit to new york.d look at the shoes? okay, they're nikes, all right. i guess you can get those anywhere.

knots -- is double knotting an american thing? not really, not really. i am going to say, sir, that you are -- a foreigner. >> sal: let's see. >> jimmy: yes, indeed a foreigner! where are you from? and isn't that where i guessed, from ireland? >> you're right.my: all right. i'm going out on a high note. cousin sal, give him his apple pie. welcome to the united states of america, enjoy your pie. thanks to everyone forthat's "foreigner or not." thanks, cousin sal. tonight whitney cummings is here and we'll be right back with elton john!pplause ] so since you have at&t and directv you can get our new unlimited data plan. unlimited data? so we're like rich?! you're data rich. t.i.'s " whatever you like"

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back. top night on the show, very comedy special called " i'm your girlfriend." it premieres saturday night on hbo, the wonderful whitney cummings is here. then later, we'll go outside for music. nd only sir elton john from the samsung outdoor stage. tomorrow night, we have a fun show tomorrow. zach galifianakis and s, and we'll have music from weezer. and later this week, casey affleck, zac efron, vanessa hudgens, lauren cohan from " the walking dead," plus music from both savages and ben harper and the innocent inals. so please join us then.

influential musician who has inspired singers, songwriters, philanthropists and optometrists all around the world. erful crazy night" comes out february 5th. please welcome elton john.nd applause ] eers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for coming. you don't need that. how you doing? >> i'm good. [ cheers and applause ]k great.

wilturn last week, you soundedgreat. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: voice is fantastic, piano playing, you seem to be enjoying yourself. are you enjoying yourself>> if it wasn't for the wooden leg i'd be in great shape. no, i'm having a ball. i've put out a new album which is full of uptempo eeling happy. life is great. my boys are doing great, all three of them. no, things couldn't be better. >> jimmy: excellent. you talked about writing an upbeat album. we know bernie tophamhe lyrics to the songs, you write the music for the songs. what if bernie is not happy, unhappy place in his life?forehand. >> jimmy: okay. >> i want to make sure we make a joyous record. he's happy at the moment, i'm very doesn't -- the moons don't meet place.

yeah, we were both good. >> jimmy: you do look really happy on the album cover. this is one of the happiest album covers. [ cheers and applause ] the last time -- i didn't know this at the time. i found out want to apologize. the last time you were here there were cockroaches in your dressing room? >> there were. but don't mind, don't mind. >> jimmy: it's just the've ever played? >> no, [ bleep ] could take the [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] in america you call them [ bleep ] >> jimmy: no, but we will now. by the way. great title for your next album. [ bleep ] roaches. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i wanted to show -- last time you were here you told me that you phone, you weren't on twitter or any of that stuff. now you're on twitter and instagram.

i don't have a phone. the office twitter forou still don't have a phone? >> no. >> jimmy: you could afford a phone, right? it's not a money thing? >> no. it's -- i just don't want one.agram things but david does that for me. i'm a luddite. >> jimmy: david did did this, correct me if i'm wrong, i believe this is a class this? >> there was my 3-c class reunion from 50 years ago which happened april this year of my house. have rent seen any ofle for 50 years. >> jimmy: it was at your house? >> yes. >> jimmy: that's when you know you have juice, you have everyone come to the house instead of going to some , i was very intimidated. because a lot's happened in 50 years. >> jimmy: yep. >> i've been married to a woman, a man, i've got ere they going to think? you know, i have to say, for six hours, it was like being back at

they were so fabulous. they were my school ngs together, went to see concerts, went everywhere together, we had so much fun. it was one of the nicest days of my: did they call you elton elton? >> sir. >> jimmy: yes, sir. >> at school they used to call me something else but they called me elton, yese you when you realized, i love music so much i want this to be my life, i want to do this? >> as long as i can remember. records. music was always a constant companion for me. my family, i grew up in my grandmother's house, my mother lived there, my all loved music. the radio was on, records were being played. wherever i've been, happy, sad, music's been mymy: was there an audience? elton john. i thought i'd be a songwriter, maybe a piano player in a band.

was lucky and very fateful.l for it. >> jimmy: were you most likely to succeed by your class? >> no, not really. no. i was kind of overweight, very i mean, i was kind of meek and mild. i didn't ever envision the life that happened for me. >> jimmy: who could ever imagine this? really. >> no, you cannot write said to me ten years ago i'd be sitting in los angeles in my house with two children, i'd have said, you put acid in my drink. and it's been the greatest ride everything in my life what happened to me has been for good reason. my bad behavior got me sober, my sobriety got me my husband, my husband got me my children,n fantastic, i can't complain. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a book of photographs of you by terry inside your plane. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what year was this? >> about 1975,rect me if i'm

>> it's an organ. plane? >> i remember being on the plane and after a show, was on the plane and he played "happy birthday" to me. >> jimmy: that's pretty solid. [ applause ] there's a no smoking sign on the piano while this guy's>> it was an amazing plane. it had a bedroom, a shower. >> jimmy: what happened to the plane? >> it was owned by bobby bobby sherman? >> jimmy: yeah, of course, sure. >> he owned it and rented it out to led zeppelin, me, the rolling stones. >> jimmy: there's the bedroom, oh my god. >> that's one of my better yeah. that's the only way i could get satellite television. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: elton john is here, the album is called crazy night," we'll be right

here i am in cancun. this is me talking to la policia. this girl? totally sweating me. and uh, i don't even remember taking this one. job interview. i know, i wanted to show you how proficient i am in social media. we'll be in touch. excuse me. hi, i'm just following up on the interview. dimpatient. dim and impatient. hunger keeps inventing new problems, so we invented all right everybody, if this doesn't get your toes tappin',

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>> jimmy: we are back with elton john, his new album "wonderful, crazy night." you still listen to vinyl, records on vinyl? >> i've begun to buy vinyl d my vinyl in 1991. the elton aids foundation, i sold my vinyl, i had so much of it, i didn't know what to do with it so i sold it. again. i played vinyl in vegas, at home.

it's the ritual of looking at the sleeve, getting the album out, listening to five tracks, getting up, turning it over. and it sounds so different, i have to say. can i say you have the best band i've ever heard on a show like this. [ cheers and applause ] really nice. >> there are some great bands around but this one kicks ass. >> jimmy: thank you for saying that hear that, guys?'t paying attention but now they are. when you're driving you listen to the radio in the car? >> no, i don't, i listen to cds. i listen to new music because i have to keep up have a radio show that i like to listen to new stuff. so it's so great to listen to music in the car. >> jimmy: you keep up with the youngime to time we have people like ed sheeran -- >> you have savages coming on this week. >> jimmy: we do. i know ed sheeran is a guy you're involved with, brandon flowers ist you talk to -- >> we're friends and we've been friends ever since i started

so yeah, you have some good acts coming on. christina amazing. a french girl. >> jimmy: guillermo's in charge of all the music. christina mcqueen, she's next week. >> jimmy: guillermo's going to get her on. i'm interested in your song writing process. we talk about bernie, how he gives you lyrics. what i did not realize until an interview, you would talking about, and correct me if i have this wrong. you get the lyrics then you go in the studio and come up with the music right there? >> i don't get the lyrics, ie studio and there's 24 lyrics waiting for me. i look through them. see which one i want to start with. then try and write a song. i never, lyrics are going to be up front. >> jimmy: you don't sit at home -- >> no, no, no. you know, when i first started writing with bernie it was exactly the same as it is now. i would get a lyric, i would gowrite the melody, that's never changed.

exciting now as it was then. fy write a song on this album and i've finished it,in, this is the song, then the band come in and learn it and we put it down. >> jimmy: do you ever come up with a melody and try to match it to lyrics that he's given?ice. no, once. "don't go breaking my heart." that's it. >> jimmy: wow, really. that's something else. >> that's the only time. >> jimmy: do you know of anyone else who works like that? >> there must be some people like that. we've been writing 49 years together this year. it's just amazing -- i don't try and analyze it. it's strange but it works so i don't question reat to see you. we're going to hear music when you come back. bitny tage? >> i'm going to do first of all "looking up" from the new album. >> jimmy: "wonderful crazy ruary 5th. we'll be right back with whitney cummings!

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: still to come, music from elton john. our next guest i a very funny

new standup comedy special "i'm premieres on hbo saturday at 10:00 p.m., please welcome bitny cummings!lause ] don't know why we have the other chair. >> i feel this really threw elton john. getting. >> oh, so was i. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm good, how are you?eird this is your first time here. >> i'm uncomfortable. we have friends in common. we hang out. >> jimmy: one of them is my wife. >> one of them is your wife. big fan. but one on one. and this was our first time in front of millions of people. it's just weird. >> jimmy: this is where i'm most comfortable. in front of millions of people. >> yeah. are my dearest friends. [ cheers and applause ]

from denmark to see rue? >> jimmy: and to raise children. [ cheers and applause ] >> did you really come from denmark? >> jimmy: she did come fromefinitely call the police. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: everyone's clapping a lot because she's paid at to be here. it's almost criminal. >> they're scared of her. >> jimmy: i don't know why it's legal but it's unfortunate.ou and my wife are close. >> very close with your wife. also we have howard stern and beth in common. >> jimmy: howard stern and his yes. >> here's the thing, they were my friends and now i feel like you've taken them. >> jimmy: well -- >> let me finish. m longer than you have. >> okay. stop changing the subject. okay. so i feel like we were friends and now every time i ask them to hang out they're like, we're with jimmy andimmy: they're lying because

so they are tricking you. they're trying to get away from you, sounds like. >> even worse. then using you guys as pawns to avoid me. at home alone. we're with jimmy and molly, weirdo in denmark. >> jimmy: jimmy and molly are their cats. >> ird's always busy, you guys were at the gynecologist's together, whatever you guys do. you guys are always hanging out. >> jimmy: how did you meet howard stern? >> again, how all my relationships start. and it was super embarrassing. when i first did his show i had not listened to it. i didn't grow up listening to howard. but i thought i was just in and be very slutty. i thought that was the -- >> jimmy: that's what people think it is, right. >> i didn't get the memo he has a gorgeous wife, andally do that stuff anymore. >> jimmy: right. >> so i went to -- do you know the store american apparel?am an american. >> it's basically where like

workout clothes. and so i bought like these weird mini skirts. like i looked like --kelly bundy from "married with children"? you won't get that. so i -- i'm ready to ride. i think it's going to be this crazy -- i'm like doing in the lobby. then it was not like that at all. then i also kind of like was was. because he always says -- he attractive. but i said to him, you're so attractive. i was kind of like borderline flirting. then i get a direct message fromke, dupd to get a drink? i'm like, oh-oh. she's either going on beat my ass or i'm going to get to have a threesome with them. i'm available for. >> jimmy: which was it? which did it turn out to be? >> insultingly, neither.

oh, she must think i'm trying to take him. she's an angel, adonis, gorgeous. she's shockingly nice. i hang out with comedians. i thought she was a recruiter for scientology or something. i was like, i am so in. yeah, then we sort of became. >> jimmy: yeah, well, i have a similar thing except for the threesome and the beatings, yeah. so by the way, it's every o have a standup comedy special on hbo. >> pretty cool. >> jimmy: what was the one that made the biggest impact on you growing up? >> oh, man. all of as my favorite, still is my favorite. denmark, george carlin, anything? nothing? >> jimmy: she probably knew "married with children." do people know you now from the y? >> i feel like people -- i figure -- people either think they know me -- i can't tell. i'm at the level of fame where people either think i'm just think we went to college together.

>> like i'll go on an airplane, there will be someone to my right, someone will come on the plane, i'm a fan, can i get a photo!he person next to me is like, who are you? and i'm like, okay. he knows. like everything about me. you know nothing about me. what is it? i have to be like, i've been on they're like, what shows? he's not sure. then i have this thing where career advice. >> jimmy: oh, great. >> yeah. you? >> people are like, hey, why aren't you in the new "star wars" movie? that's what you should be doing!f i haven't thought of it, hadn't crossed my mind. >> jimmy: why aren't you? >> i overslept. i just hadn'te-mail. so i have to tell them why, which is that they don't want me. that i'm not famous enough. >> jimmy: that's not true, they just probably hadn't thought of it to be a lot more "star wars" movies to come.

be in at least one of them. >> maybe. i don't think so. then they'll be like, you know you should have your own late-night talk show. >> jimmy: you can have this one, i'm exhausted. >> i'm like, let me just call jimmy and tell him i'm ready to >> jimmy: you're welcome to it, any time. it's very good to see you. my wife and i watched your special, we thought it was great. saturday night on hbo, it's called "i'm your ney cummings, everybody. we'll be right back with elton john!lause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is

>> dicky: the "jimmseries is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank pologize to matt damon we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next but first, his album " wonderful crazy night" comes out february 5th, here with the song " looking up"

iguring out where i went wrong the script not followed then was awfully long too much pluck too little of not acting up i wore the world upon my back though someone pick up the slack just because i could say it's my life do things my way now i'm looking up more than i look down the view's a whole lotund too much of me was hidden in the shadows i looked up and felt my feet lift

color a lot with a broader stroke the laughter comes okes nowadays i'm thinking 'bout back now i'm looking up more than i look down the view's a whole lot better second time around too much of me was dows i looked up and felt my feet lift off the ground you drop a bucket in a well

e bring it up the water crystal clear i'm looking up more than i look down whole lot better second time around too much of me was hidden in the shadows i looked up and felt my feet lift off the ground looking up more than i look down the view's a whole lot better second time around

hidden in the shadows feet lift off the ground looking up