tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 4, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
11:35 pm
11:36 pm
i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. very nice. you know, today is a special s facebook's birthday. which just like every other birthday we only know because facebook reminded us. facebook turned 12 years old it's hard to believe it's only been 12 years since i learned to hate every single person i know. like most 12-year-olds, facebook on snapchat today. but it's kind of funny. facebook, they've been online kind of celebrating their own birthday. facebook kind of ruined birth daze. before facebook, somebody said happy birthday, it meant something.
11:37 pm
now you spend two seconds typing man, keep crushing" and you're done. i preferred cake. earlier tonight in new hampshire there was another debate between hillary clinton and bernie already had so many debates they're starting to run out of things to fight about. tonight they sat there quietly like an old married couple at a restaurant.shire, hillary and bernie took part in a town hall event on cnn. one of the people in the crowd asked bernie sanders about the possibility that if he was elected and re-elected, he at the end of his second term. and i think what these people don't realize is -- let's go through his high school s bernie sanders' class photo. there he is, he's on the basketball team. a party. he was very active. and they named him most likely to mall walk. so the point i'm trying to makeas always been 83 years old.
11:38 pm
old. there's nothing -- there's one curious sighting in thet the town hall event which was a democratic event. now, this guy right here in the bottom left-hand corner, does he look familiar at all? he does because i'll tell you that's ted cruz in disguise. scoping out the competition. maybe he's secretly a democrat,. ted cruz's wife revealed that the way ted alleviates stress is by singing show tunes. for real. whenever he's feeling anxious ore right before a debate, he calls her and sings broadway show tunes into the telephone. make no mistake he still believes that marriage is a sacred union between one guy okay? this is pretty crazy. some people get very excited about the candidate they support. and there are tattoo shops now in i think vermont andshire giving people free tattoos of bernie sanders.
11:39 pm
and if you're a supporter on the other side, you can get a verytoo of donald trump. which looks more like a bloated martin sheen, really, right? you know, donald trump somehow made the list of nominees for peace prize. he's on the list, right next to pope francis, which might seem ludicrous because it is. ludicrous. but trump is he might be the first person ever to campaign for a nobel prize consideration. >> i'm donald trump. i love peace. i'm the most peaceful guy i know a lot of people. my golf courses are probably the most peaceful places in the world. my hotels? you can hear a pin drop because t allowed to talk. when i'm president, i'm going to make the world such a peaceful place, you won't believe it. you're going to be so happye, you're going to say,
11:40 pm
so do i deserve a prize for peace? i think so. i mean, who are you going to give it to? this guy? look what is that, a fiat? believe me, you don't want your nobel paets prize winner driving a loser car like that. it reflects badly onis nobel season it's time to honor the most peaceful man in the world, and maybe history. there's no one more peaceful than me. donald trump! oh my god! the hostile takeover of donald trump! man of peace. >> oh no! >> paid for by me.yself. that's how rich i am. [ cheers and applause ]s crazy too. here in california somebody
11:41 pm
turned out to be worth $63 million. the deadline to cash it in was ne showed up to claim it. so now the money goes to california public schools. what a waste, you know? [ laughter ] you jen. the story's especially painful to me because losing a winning definitely something i would do. for whatever reason the winner didn't show up today. maybe the person wasn't in it for the money, maybe whoever had the ticketory sometimes is its own reward. no? the super bowl's on sunday. denver broncos will play the carolina panthers. you know, between the super bowl and ton show, this has been a very big week for broncos. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]uper bowl is not only the most important sporting event of the year, it's also a
11:42 pm
beyonce is doing the coldplay, lady gaga is going to sing the national anthem which is weird. wonder if francis scott key thought, someday be sung by a woman wearing a dress made of beef. other channels offer counter programming during the game, like the puppy bowl, e! network running a kardashians" marathon on sunday. which i'm not sure how that's different from their schedule every other day of the week. do they even have othere of the more interesting as pecks of the super bowl is all the different things you can bet on. it's not just who will win or lose or the total points or the point spread. you can bet on what are known asp bets. they come up with creative ways -- i thought it would be fun to go through some of them. come over here. you don't really have to come anywhere, i'll go over here.ting propositions on what they call the board is about cam newton and his touchdown celebration.
11:43 pm
if he scores a rushing touchdown, what will he do first? you can bet on that. if he, for instance -- let's getre. guillermo? you can help us with this. [ cheers and applause ]my: okay, so if cam newton -- this is a real thing you can bet on. are you going to hit me with that football? all right. if he dances on his own, solo, and you bet on $180 for every $100 you bet. show us exactly how cam newton would dance, guillermo. >> jimmy: that's the camyou keep dancing throughout this. will the panthers players -- keep dancing -- whohdown give the football to a boy or a girl? people in the crowd.
11:44 pm
bet $100, win $200. bet $300 to win $200 -- do they assume there are more boys or girls in the stands? this is real, keep dancing, what color will beyonce's foot wear she comes onstage for the halftime show? black pays 3-2, gold brown is 5-2, white is 2.75-1,y is 4.75-1. any other color is 7-1 odds. if she comes out barefoot you get nothing at all.ing announce his retirement in the postgame interview? yes is 5-1. no means you get $1,000 to win will peyton manning cry during the postgame interview? yes is 6-1. no is negative 1,500. no, peyton manning will not cry, papa john does not to cry. this one is morbid, will there
11:45 pm
you can bet on this. if you bet yes and there is an earthquake during the game and get 10 times your money. and you go to hell. you can stop dancing now, guillermo. thank you.you. >> jimmy: thank you, you did a great job. more americans gamble on the super bowl than any other sporting event. you don't have to wait for sports to gamble. i sent my cousin sal to then vegas to roam around like some sort of gambling fairy with some unusual proposition bets of his own.: sir, i will give you $20 if you tell me the sex of the next person that walks out of these elevators. >> female. >> sal: female,ch and wait. why female? >> just a guess. >> sal: just a guess? are you usually right about these things? >> yeah, much have you won off this game before? >> haven't played this one. >> sal: oh! are you a guy or a girl?
11:46 pm
yeah.. that's totally a guy. man or woman? >> woman. >> sal: woman, all right. let's see. and it is -- oh! oh, so close! man wins. so much fun, though, wasn't it? oh my god. i will give you $20 if you tell me exactly how many ice cubes are in that lady's drink >> which lady's? >> sal: right there, sitting alone. >> five. >> sal: five, all right. let's go check. doing? how you doing? >> oh no! >> sal: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, 10, 11 -- like 14, sorry, you lose. thanks, ma'am, appreciate it. >> oh no! >> sal: sir, let me ask you something. i'm going to give you money. co to give you $20 if you
11:47 pm
end of the bar are married. are they married? >> yes. >> sal: they are marrie come here. come with me. excuse me. excuse me. you guys aren't married, are you? >> [ bleep ]. >> sal: he said you were, what a weirdo. sorry. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] break. when we come back, arnold schwarzenegger's truck is for sale. "this week in unnecessary censorship" too, so stick
11:49 pm
11:50 pm
eers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. jason sudeikis, lionel richie, mousse trick elton john is on the ber? [ cheers and applause ] uber unveiled a new logo this week. i don't know if you noticed. it did not go over very he old uber logo. which is simple, clean, you knew what it stands for, it says "uber"ide they had needed to change it. probably a consultant. these are the kinds of things that consultants do. they changed their logo to this unrecognizable symbol.hing that would be in the corner of a credit card. here's the question. is it a good idea to drastically redesign your logo when 90%se your app are too drunk to stand up? you walk out of a bar, you get out of your phone -- where did my uber uber go? for those who are too good for
11:51 pm
a car dealer in texas is using six-ton truck that was once owned by arnold schwarzenegger. what i would like you to do is i would like you to really do this close your eyes right now. your eyes. schwarzenegger's truck might look like. okay? you have it in mind?open your eyes. that was exactly it, right? [ laughter ] the truck is called ey're asking like $350,000 for the truck. it's interesting. when arnold first decided to sell this truck, his wife said, why don't you give it to the housekeeper?rly he misunderstood what she meant. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they're no longer married.
11:52 pm
and if the ebay ad isn't enough to entice you, maybe this one will be. >> do you want to buy a car? yes, you want to buy my car! it's not a a tumor, it's a un ichlt imog! it has a body made of melted dumbbells, a turbo charged engine, r, terminator, speedometer, odometer, predator, bennett! it doesn't use gas, it runs on testosterone, arrgh! jingle allas direct auto dealer. buy today and i'll put danny devito in the glove compartment. with wings. we're twins! you son of a buse ] >> jimmy: if it comes with a danny devito, i'll buy it. all right, one more thing before we forge ahead with tonight's rsday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big television moments of the not.
11:53 pm
censorship."o you feel you'd do better when you're [ bleep ]ing from behind? >> well, the intensity of the experience -- >> [ bleep ] you. [ bleep ] you. a [ bleep ]ed up senator marco rubio. >> everybody needs a workout. we wanted to show you -- oh, [ bleep ], i'm one story ahead, let's go back. >> eventually there will be aller republican field? >> you'd think so. there's not enough hard [ bleep ] to go around. >> first thing i want to say is two words that mostt hear off then ten enough, and that is [ bleep ] you. >> did you hear the president is taking a little [ bleep ] up the [ bleep ]? >> [ bleep ] you. >> oh.] you, seriously. >> what these other countries are doing to us, they're just [ bleep ]ing our [ bleep ]. i've had it with them. >> i want the title so bad, the weight championship so bad, i'm going to [ bleep ] my own brother for
11:54 pm
and i'm going to [ bleep ] you for it. >> i can'tbleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from elton john,ie is here, be right back with jason sudeikis! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: portions of e brought to you by digiorno. make the right call on game day with fresh-baked digiorno pizza. it's not delivery, it's digiorno. guys the sign's working! get unlimited data so you can watch, stream, and download you want. get 4 lines for $180 a month when you have
11:55 pm
ll be right back. be good. text mom. boys have been really good today. send.is own cell phone. nice. send. brad could use a new bike. send. [siri:] message. you decide. they're your kids. texting grandma? it was him. it was him. keep your family connected. app-connect. on the newly redesigned passat. from volkswagen. >> jimmy: guillermo, you look
11:56 pm
>> guillermo: thanks jimmy. >> jimmy: wear that everymo: no way. >> jimmy: why not? >> guillermo: i've got to go bee and this is ve do you know the secret to a happy home in these modern times? it's a housewife who's in control of the finances. husband, or human person can use progressive's name your price tool to take control of their budget. and while the men do the hard work of making money, e car insurance options her little heart desires. or the women might do the hard work of making money. [ chuckling ] women don't have jobs. ? modernizing car insurance with -- that's enough out of you! the name your price tool, only from progressive.
11:57 pm
nd applause ] >> jimmy: hello, there. tonight, he's a legendary singer, songwriter, and ceiling dancer, lionel richie is here.album. [ cheers and applause ] then, another legend of popular music. his new album comes out tomorrow, it's called "wonderful crazy night." msung outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] next week on the program, oscar nominees brie larson and alicia vikander. khloe kardashian, zendaya, sacha baron cohen will be here.
11:58 pm
did i get that right? >> jimmy: thank you. alessia cara, and the return of mash-up monday. the band neon trees will join forces with squeeze, to form neon squeeze. we've got some good ones planned for everyth for join us for all of those mash-ups. our first guest tonight is a very funny man and actor and person whom you know from eight seasons of "snl"." his newest movie is called "race." >> ready, go! >> whoo! >> i don't know why you look so impressed. this is a second slower thankopf's record. >> he runs yards.
11:59 pm
yards, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: "race" opens in theaters february 19th. please welcome jason sudeikis.eers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> hi. >> jimmy: did you wear the nt me because of the mets or the world series? >> happy accident. >> jimmy: oh, happy accident. how you doing? >> doing well. >> jimmy: did you meet>> i have not, no. i've never met him. him before. >> jimmy: where? >> sunset tower. he was eating dinner.e in town we stay at occasionally. you know. you remember? >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! a big salad of cash. [ laughter ]hundreds, fives, mixed denominations, vinaigrette.
12:00 am
my beef with him is that anyone else sings on "we are he starts it off, this is the greatest lionel richie song. next thing you know michael jackson's getting in there, screwing it up, dylan, you're like, bow wow wow, no! he seems like a good soul. he likes to pass the ball around, i guess. change the world. oh, congratulations on your baby. >> baby, likewise yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: enjoying it? >> babies and am, are you? >> jimmy: yeah, it's a lot of fun. >> our ladies take the brunt. especially in these first couple of years. >> jimmy: mine doesn't do anything. >> really? that's not bad, good for that because i know she'll go crazy when i go home. yeah, that is true, that is true. of course, do you have it where your son -- my daughter, she was just upstairs. as i went down to do the sed screaming because i was leaving and left my wife -- >> my son doesn't do that at all with me. >> jimmy: he doesn't. >> no.
12:01 am
usually has the keys by the t like, let's go, buddy! go make money, bring it home! school's expensive for us fancy kids. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you brought a video along with you. >> oh yeah, to see it. i think it's very cute. you want to show it? >> yeah, i mean basically, like any kid running the streets these not in "star wars" so much as he's aware of it because of the brilliant advertising campaign that's been going on for 40 years. >> jimmy: sure. >> so i bought three s. one for mom, one for dad, red and blue, and a yoda one for him. he hasn't seen the movie, he's watched episodes of "clone playing with it. next thing you know, boom. it's a vacuum. [ laughter ]
12:02 am
he's going to purge the universe of evil forces! he's trying to get the sound to h! finally -- look at the smile. >> jimmy: he's adorable. >> he's ready to go. [ cheers and applause ] you know, this movie by the way, which is great, this is your first drama? >> yeah i mean, outside the drama in everyday life that i experience. as far as ama, yeah, yeah. that's what's so funny wheni do say the clips of the movies i've been in, great research by everybody here. and then it's like, we show a clip of like this blackand me in a hat. wait, where's the laugh? this guy usually smuggles weed across mexican borders, owens. >> for those who don't know, it was a great triumph for the country and for americans. >> yeah, indeed us a little bit about the story of jesse owens. >> basically, 1936, he ran in
12:03 am
him as a black man, you had a tough enough time in america. >> jimmy: in the united states. >> yeah, exactly. especially ohio where he was from, ohio state, which was -- they didn't let black people play ont that point. he goes over there. this event was a giant commercial for hitler and his whole ideology. and that's considered to be revolutionary. and this man owens embarrasses the whole -- >> jimmy: the "mastertly, by clocking four gold medals off those guys. it tells the story of him from his first days at ohio state, i play his coach, larry ot a lot of information about which is good. because i don't like to do homework. >> jimmy: right, yeah. no sitting down to get the essence of larry. >> yeah, tapes. i just did what worked. like keith richards, what seems to work. >> jimmy: you did shoot -- you
12:04 am
>> well, weor some of it. all the berlin stuff, the majority, we shot in berlin in the actual olympic stadium, which is still there. and it was like the greatest history lesson/field experienced. >> jimmy: so crazy that you would shoot it in that very stadium. >> yeah, there's a moment in history where he wins the first gold medal and jeremy character who plays the head of the american olympic committee is like, his voice, i can't do it. "the chancellor would like to meet you."s up to meet hitler and hitler bounced, he split, and goebels delivers the line. he had to leave.hake the winner's hand because of "traffic." such bs. they shot that scene in the actual place where he got blown off. >> jimmy: that's crazy. >> we had to rebuild -- we didn't have to.sm we rebuilt the box that hitler was in the stadium
12:05 am
circumcised from the stadium. >> jimmy: the luxury igation are you box. we rebuilt it. the production rebuilt it. the stadium's open, they play soccer matches there. tourists and locals were kind of like, people working there, what's going on? we should know about? why are we rebuilding hitler's luxury box? is trump campaigning in merlin?laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] but yes, it was -- it was amazing. >> that's really crazy. >> idaughters. his daughters who came out to berlin. i was there with my little boy, hanging out with jesse's profound. and a the young man that plays jesse is this unknown fellow, unknown for about two more weeks here. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> stefan about the poor guy who had to play hitler? was he invited to the wrap party afterwards? >> yeah i mean, of course. you know.
12:06 am
location, you know? >> jimmy: congratulations, very good to see you. the movie is called "race." it opens in theaters february 19th. jason ybody. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ht about the food. hi john. hey kevin. spent the day with an astronaut. one more. it's beautiful, isn't it? a baseball game next time? done! done. book priceless experiences around the globe with... ...your world mastercard.
12:07 am
okie here at left twix is extra crisp so it stays crunchy when we apply caramel and chocolate. >>right twix has the same thing. pe like that over at right twix? try both. pick a side. twix at straight talk wireless... ...we believe your tax refund should last. all. year. long. on a pricey wireless plan. lose the contracts, mystery fees and overages. switch to straight talk... ...to get coverage on america's largest and most tworks. for half the cost. that's right. half. get any of the latest samsung phones or bring your own phone. data is 45 bucks a month. and nothing more.
12:08 am
12:09 am
immy: hi. [ laughter ] welcome back. lionel richie and elton john are on the way. football game this weekend. when it comes to pizza, the decisions you make at home are just as important as those made on the field.uillermo with mas. >> pizza, pizza, pizza, pizzazza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza whoo!: hello, major pizza company? how long with it take to deliver? >> forever! >> guillermo: noooo! that's too long! that was the wrong
12:10 am
>> the answer you seek is >> dicky: what did you say? >> the answer you seek is digornio pizza. >> guillermo: what did you digorno pizza on the counter. >> guillermo: de-orno. >> >> guillermo: that's what i say. thank you, oven. hey, everybody, pizza's ready, yeah! whoo!onely. >> dicky: don't settle for delivery on game day. make the right call with fresh-baked digiorno not delivery, it's digiorno. >> jimmy: be right back with lie kneel ritchie!]
12:11 am
12:12 am
12:13 am
12:14 am
r every dollar car insurance companies say they'll save you by switching, you'd have like a ton of dollars. but how are they saving you those dollars? a lot of companies might answer "um..." or "no comment".nce - born online, raised by technology andp majors in efficiency. so whatever they save, you save:r work, hair tearing out and, yes, especially dollars. that's auto and home insurance for the modern world. esurance. backed by allstate. click or call. rilosec otc each morning for my frequent heartburn because you can't beat zero heartburn! ahhh the sweet taste of victory!tc. one pill each morning.
12:15 am
12:16 am
next week he will be honored as music cares person of the h he begins a residency at planet hollywood in las vegas. please say hello because it's him we're looking for to lionel richie!lause ] >> jimmy: hi. first of all, congratulations on being honored by music cares which as great charity which is a great honor for i think, of the people that have been honored as music cares person of the year. carol king, bruce springsteen, barbra streisand, paul mccartney, neilwill be honored. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's pretty great. >> you know, i have been a fan of the business for so long.
12:17 am
music cares, do you know the people in the background. yes, dylan. yes, mccartney. then i get home and i go, my god. >> jimmy: the list of performers. this event -- first of all, i'm hosting. >> you're hosting, thank you, by the way. >> jimmy: which is enough, really. that's it. [ cheers and applause ] needs. on top of that, rihanna will be there. performing one of your songs. lenny kravitz, usher, chris legend, dave grohl, stevie wonder, the band perry, ellie goulding, lake brunt, gary clark jr., apparently more, it says "more." >> if ever there were a night where i'm going to be excited just to be there, but they're singing my songs. then at the end they said, lionel, would you sing? uh, >> are there going to be any songs left for you to sing at the end of the night? >> there are going to be.
12:18 am
peers come outly -- they want to sing your songs. luke bryant, for example. he wants to just -- he'll sing all the songs. he tickles me. lionel, if i could do "penny said, you can't. >> jimmy: who is doing "penny lover"? >> i don't know. it can't be a guy. doesn't work. >> jimmy: wait a minute, you're a guy. >> i know. in the great words of one disk he said, penny lover, lionel's a cheap lover, the worst. >> jimmy: i assumed penny was the girl's name. >> how about jason who just left. said oh my god, lionel wash. >> jimmy: yeah, right. very well put. >> i was laughing so hard up. ing so hard, coins were shooting out of [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] deserved. >> i set that up. >> jimmy: favorite albums. this is right in the heart of my -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what became of the outfit?
12:19 am
>> you do? >> oh yeah. one of these days long down the road somewhere there's going to be a lionel richie museum. my son's going to sell it. >> jimmy: you better get that -- >> i mean, i have that. >> jimmy: what about this? [ cheers and applause ] all your love, lionel richie. when i got this album, oh, he signed it for me. >> yeah, let me just say, after showing that picture to the . >> jimmy: that's good. there you are. "miami vice." "miami vice." >> jimmy: this is the real one. [ cheers and applause ] whose idea was this?course that was the last shot. i remember that so well. the guy gave me this pole, said just jump up on the pole.
12:20 am
well for mymy: this was a mistake? >> that was a mistake. >> jimmy: you haven't made many but this was a mistake. >> that could have wiped out there. >> jimmy: that will make a great thing in the lionel richie museum. the yellow pole that lionel humiliated himself on. >> no, no, i got rid offast. you know what i should have kept? what i should have kept was the head. >> jimmy: the hello bust, absolutely. >> i spent the entire time telling bob hat bust does not look like me. >> jimmy: it did not. >> it worried me because i'm thinking, it doesn't look like me. when we got ready to shootel, she's blind. >> jimmy: a blind person? for a blind person it's a great y good. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bob's no dummy. >> jimmy: you're also going to
12:21 am
concert i was in high school in las vegas. and i bought tickets. i was excited. you were at caesar's palace at the time. and i thought, oh, yeah to go with me to the concert. and i did get a girl. that girl turned out to be my mother. because i couldn't get -- >> you took your mother? >> jimmy: i took my mother. >> i was going to say, came out to be your wife? but your mother. >> jimmy: even closer than a wife in a way. >> here's what i want to do. since that's your home and i know you're ait come toth knowing more of my career -- you. >> i'm putting this out there, when i'm there for the residency, come onstage and sing your favorite ld love to. [ cheers and applause ] i'll sing all of them with you. >> no, no.e any idea. this guy knows more about me -- >> jimmy: he got a little weirded out when i started talking about these things. >> at a party one night, he's rts telling
12:22 am
world." he knows the details behind "we are the world." he knows the commodores. he knows the details about the i'm thinking to myself, this is a weird guy. then i realized. so now when i write my book, i may need you to refresh me on what i did. forget that book for you, no problem. we'll put one of those pictures -- get the photographer who did the thing with the pole. you'll see a zillion done. >> jimmy: when are you going to write a book? >> most of the people i want to write about are not dead yet. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've got to wait. >> wait a littlejuicy stuff. i got to kind of wait awhile. >> jimmy: i see. >> if i want to do a humanitarian book about -- >> jimmy: a boring book, you can do it now. if you want took -- >> i got to wait a couple more years until everybody passes away. i'm hoping i'm not on that list i write the book.
12:23 am
then put it in storage. >> jimmy: right, let nicole keep an eye on it. >> right. >> jimmy: i'm looking forward to this event.o be great. i absolutely will come to see you. not only that, i understand that you brought tickets for everyone in our studio audience to see you that's right. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: lionel richie! man of the year, person he'll be in las vegas april 27th at planet hollywood. be right back with elton john! >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is
12:24 am
12:25 am
12:26 am
to the blues are all the blues i need yesterdaysong in sixty-five summertime long ago long before you came blue wonderfulul i know age is something i just left behind in the past far away used to be but you're present my blue wonderful go where you want when you want to just don't let the wind tear you free tick around the light that brings you home
12:27 am
12:28 am
128 Views
IN COLLECTIONS
WEWS (ABC) Television Archive Television Archive News Search ServiceUploaded by TV Archive on