tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC February 17, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
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jimmy kimmel!use ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. to those visiting, welcome to los angelee home of the 2024 summer games. the olympics -- do people outside of l.a. know that? do people that? the olympic city picked post to host the olympics but the people of boston said, no, thank is. we can barely find parking spots as it is.heir bid. and then like a pathetic former lover -- like the successful orthodontist who marries the
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gets dumped by the bachelor," we stepped in and said, we're hoping the olympics will select us. we have a logo. the l.a. olympic committee unveiled this official logour city's most popular back tattoo? it's a great logo for a community dance studio, the olympics i'm not sure. it's okay but i think we need to representative of los angeles. we can do that simply by doing this and that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] our state bird, the flyingashian. that would be a great new logo for the rams too. now that we have a logo we can move forward. the only problem with l.a. hosting the olympics is by ood chance we won't have enough water left to fill an olympic-sized swimming pool. do they have dry diving?
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pope francis is inweek where we got to see something yesterday i don't think we've ever seen from a pope, that is anger. that is the pope. i don't know is but he's trying to keep people calm. watch this, the pope all of a sudden gets annoyed. and starts yelling at someone in the crowd.ppy. i don't know who he yelled at but it's kind of fun to see a pissed-off pope i have to say. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] a similarne you can hear what he was saying, listen closely because the audio is not great. there's the pope. he gets pulled in. into a guy in a wheelchair.>> don't make me -- i just washed this hand! i just washed this hand! >> jimmy: you can see somebody licking him. he you.
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>> jimmy: a little bit, not too much. un poco?mo: yeah. >> jimmy: president obama yesterday made it clear which candidate he does not think will be moving into the white house. and even explained why. >> i continue to believee president. and the reason is because i have a lot of faith in the american people. and i think being president is a serious job. it's not hosting a talk show.dience booing ] >> jimmy: excuse me? i host a talk show and it's a very serious job. just the other day i recapped "the w gees. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this really makes me
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oh, i'd love to hearo oprah. maybe i don't get to do serious stuff like pardoning a turkey on thanksgiving but i'll tell you something, mr. obama. every minute of every day i'm how to keep americans safe of matt damon, are you thinking about that? [ cheers and applause ] as you might expect, donald trumpely to the president's comments too. donald trump and his republican rivals are facing off in a series of town hall events in south carolina. tonight ben carson,marco rubio squared off. tomorrow it's trump versus jeb bush and john kasich. trump had his own town halton night on msnbc. just himn and a hall. and he had a rally yesterday in north augusta. apparently a man in the crowd removed or helped removeers and trump was soil pressed he invited a guy to join him. >> who is the person, raise your hand, that took action over
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come here. come here. say it. i tell you what. i when you first got into this i kind of was lippy. i ain't gonna lie. i don't know, donald trump.my: i did not understand one word of that, right? could anyone translate that? oh, yes, sir? yeah, can you help me? >> he said, i tell you whatna lie to you, donald. when you first get into this i kind of was a little iffy, i ain't gonna lie. you're the best we got by far.
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[ cheers and applause ] like a trapper cone came to life. kendall and kylie jenner released a new iphone app. a great name for the app, it's ask kylie. this is the game. it lets you enter the "glamorous and exciting world of kendall and kylie jenner," another wayre at your home for hours. once you down load this app, your phone is no longer a smartphone. [ laughter n apps seem so dumb, then they make a billion dollars. then i remember when i was young the game i loved was a plumber who tried to kill monkeys.er signed a deal to be spokesperson for puma,
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the announcement was made by puma's global director of brand and market hog said kyliesh and exciting new era for fashion and we couldn't think of a more fitting and influential female to headline this campaign. really?u thinking? seems like if you'd given ate bit more time an idea might have come to you. the reason this is funny, kylie'skanye -- west -- works closely with adidas. after the announcement waction made he insisted publicly it was not going to happen. he tweeted 1,000% there wille a kylie puma, anything, that's on my family, 1,000%, kylie is on easy team. it was a little less than turns out. i'll say something, a shame. i've seen too many families torn apart by shoe endorsements and i
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we're almost at the height of award season in los angeles. the oscars are a week from sundd year there are eight films nominated for best picture, which is a lot of movies. we asked our pal yehya to review some of the nominees to help you decide which of the best you want to see. up front yehya is not a member of the academy. but he is a lover of celebrities and cinema and here he is now with his review ofthe revenant." >> action! hi, i'm talking about the movie behind me, it's called that "raventoni," leonardo dicaprio. i'll kill you, son, couple you, everybody think that he die, and he come out again. you right? and i got picture with leo.
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he do the movie with zhaq olasson. do the movie, gumbar klib, rubber demere i don't "bug's life," he do the movie with new "catch me if you can" with tom hanks. the english woman in the boat, sink in the war. that beard is not fake. i don't know, some people said apparently won't go sex with leo, which is not true. sex, is jump up to him and with the teeth and his -- you know, it's crazy, don't come very close to the zoo, very close to the animal, it can kill you fore he don't have brain. is animal. >> animal! >> one day i saw one lady in tv show, she so hope.
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the ground, and good she not die. good luck leo, good luck watching the movie.eers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's the best damn ypt. did you understand any of that? >> nope. >> jimmy: a teenager in florida is in trouble for opening his own medical practice. prince has released thert photo of all-item. chris stapleton puts your east-favorite words to music. stick around, we'll be right back! whatcha gonna do when you get outta here? i'm gonna have some fun! what do you consider fun? fun, natural fun! ow! i'm in heaven , my laughing boyfriend. steppin' in a rhythm to a funky flow. think when your feet just go?
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megan fox, ben mckenzie, music from chris stapleton on the way. first, florida. i know, i was surprised too. a teen was arrested yesterday for prestent tending to be a doctor and running his own fake m he had an office and everything. he's 18. authorities became suspicious when during a mammogram he kept giggling and saying the word "boobies," a red flags in palm beach, this kid has quite a history already. >> detectives arrested 18-year-old malachi love robinson for practicing medicine without a license. we've been investigating loveince early january when he held a grand opening party for his new west palm beach medical clinic. are you telling the community that you are, in fact, a doctortreat patients? >> i am not portraying myself as an m.d. >> reporter: love robinson says
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mistake he says that he didn't authorize. >> i didn't operate, i didn't reach in someone's tch up a baby. >> jimmy: right, what's everybody freaking out about? i'll never forget the moment our doctor reached into my wife's uterus and snatched out the as one of the happiest moments of my life. by the way, anyone who thinks that kid is a doctor needs to see a doctor.lause ] i hope he also pretends to be his own lawyer when i shows up to court. one, there are a lot of individual yoles out there of people who have strange reactions to the drugs they give you. after the operation people go nut in the car on the way ight be the best since david after the dentist, titled "bart after dental surgery." >> you okay? what do you have? do you have your tape? >> yeah.et me see your tape.
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>> it's right here. >> what's it for? >> if my head falls ead won't fall off. >> yes, it will. >> no worries, it's not going to fall off. >> okay. >> what's going on? okay? >> no. >> how come? >> because if my head falls off nobody can hear me. >> i'll hear you, okay? >> okay. [ laughter ] plause. >> jimmy: boor part. i never saw -- when did dentists start giving people lsd? i would watch a whole show out ofthe dentist dentist's office. the artist formerly and currently known as prince has released what might be the passport photo to end all passport boat ce, his actual passport photo. he tweeted this.
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get into a another country, this is a passport to gether world. i like to think he spent three hours at the cvs photo center making the lady take this shot over and over again. then having sex with her. show. from "new girl," megan fox is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] ben mckenzie and mmy award-winning artist out of nashville, happens to be one of my favorites, chris stapleton. [ cheers and applause ] chris has been working on -- h of grammys over the weekend. he's been working on a special new album, a concept album. the concept is interesting. he's taken the most irritating words in the english turned them into this. >> you just saw him win two grammys. >> thank you very much. i want to thank you. >> now hear him will make you cringe.
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tell you about my new album, where i turn all the words you hate the most into songs you love the "cringeworthy" full of songs like "panties." panties ell me are you wearing panties >> "nom-nom yummy nom-nom."'m a foodie >> "ladyfriend." this is brenda she's my i'm singing lady lady lady lady friend >> va-jay jay. heyr have a jay
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>> and many, many more. awesome sauce >> and the breakout love song of 2016 -- so juicy moist when i feelt when i feel moist i also feel juicy going, ladyfriend? >> chris stapleton's "cringeworthy." order now and get a free tube of ointment. >> ointment! ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, chris. i see gramny number three on the
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tonight on the show, music from chris stapleton, from ben mckenzie, be right back with megan fox! [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: portions of ji you by wendy's: home of the deliciously different dave's single, double and triple. f in a lot less time. like look at a site without going to it. a video without opening it. you can do pretty much everything faster. shooting stuff. music stuff. couch shopping. shoe shopping. running. kind of.from an email. i'm peeking my flight. i'm not peeking my flight. i'm peeking my...wait, i missed my flight. owl photos. desert photos. photos of... dolphins! pizza gifs.
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from "both that will,"ioner ben mckenzie is here. later from nashville, tennessee, he just won two grammys for this album called "traveler." chris stapleton from the samsung stage.m "scandal," kerry washington." from "game of thrones," nicholas decoster. music from she refuses to come even though i sit on the stairs waiting in a nice way. she has returned to television tuesday nights on the show "new girl," on fox. police welcome megan fox!
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>> jimmy: you haven't beenong -- like five iphones or something. >> i think it was 2009. >> jimmy: did i do something terrible, anything weird? >> no -- i >> jimmy: how have you been? you have two little boys now. >> a 3-year-old and a 2-year-old. [ cheers and applause ]he boys' names? >> know was the older one, bodie is the baby. >> jimmy: noah and bodie, bible and "point break." >> i was inspired by "point it's a spiritual term for when a buddha becomes enliedened, it's short for that. >> jimmy: you grew up in asehold but not a buddhist household? >> i grew up in a pentecostal household. it's southern christian. those are the people that like handle snakes. people are getting the holyaking in tongues all the time. so the women in the church
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only dresses. you can't wear makeup, jewelry. it's a sort ofronment to grow up in. but i have -- i lean left of that now. >> jimmy: i see, yeah. there are no snakes in the house on >> jimmy: the boys can wear pants? >> the boys can wear pants. noah wears dresses. >> oh, really? >> you can be whatever you want to be in my>> jimmy: this is your instagram, you describe yourself as child of the cherokee tribe, forest nymph, lunar leo mother goddess to two bohemianaries. >> yes. >> jimmy: do the boys know they are bohemian revolutionaries? >> they informed me when i was pregnant with them. they tell you who open to it. >> jimmy: noah said, i'm a bohemian revolutionary. the other one said, guess what, you got another one. >> me, immy: two bohemian revolutionary revolutionaries. >> i don't think someone that's going to be a financial planner
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mother. i think they're all going to be more artistic and rebellious you talk about lunar leo? >> that's astrology. my moon is in the sign of leo. that's something that i associate with. leo sign that's always in the spotlight. >> jimmy: you believe in that? here's what i think about astrology. is if -- like somebody is born on the same as hitler. so that doesn't make them like also a hitler, right? >> no, but there's a polarity toh every sign you can take on the positive aspects or the negative aspects. so he obviously took on the negative : i think so, yeah, he really did. >> and it changes with every four minutes the chart changes. you would have to be born at the exactxact location. >> jimmy: who wrote all this down in the first place? >> in ancient times they didn't separate from it astronomy, they considered astrology and
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and until the middle ages where we started making advancements in science where it was sort of put off like a charlatan trade. before that it was really respected. thing to it. although we don't have all the information, which makes it easy for people to sort of take advantage of each other. >> jimmy: are you into that, fortune telling and ort of -- i don't want to lump everything together. >> i mean, i'm not into it per se. i don't seek these people out. but i am -- i lean into it. >> jimmy: you lean into it forous way? >> mm -- that's a good question. some of it for funi do think there's something to it. i just think most people that are teaching it are not -- >> jimmy: you were coming out of a place with a book about palm reading? >> i've done research on ink i've gotten pretty good at it. i can predict when someone's going to give birth based on where the moon will be.
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palmistry for fun. it's more elusive than astrology is. but i've learns a little bit about it. that said, the only book ias "the idiot's guide to palmistry." so i don't know how qualified i am. >> jimmy: you can tell someone's future from reading their palm? >> you future. the idea is that the palm -- this exists in reflexology -- it's a reflection of the current psychological state. so the lines on your hand will change happening in your life and depending on how you're dealing. >> mine have all gone away. i also have a red mark from a pen.-- would you like to read my palm? >> tattoos will affect it. let me try. >> jimmy: i don't have a tattoo. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks, st of all you want to identify the shape of the hand. so if you -- >> jimmy: mine's hand-shaped. >> it is hand-shaped.
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i think you have an earth hand. because you have a shorter palm that's wide with >> jimmy: huh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why do i have to have an earth hand? >> that means that you're more practical than maybe people >> jimmy: oh, that's true. >> most people would assume you were not. >> jimmy: that is true. >> maybe you're more grounded than other people. someone with a water hand to emotions that move with the tides, unpredictable. you're a more predictable person. >> jimmy: thank you. i think. >> can you show me what happens if >> jimmy: i -- just normal. like that. [ laughter ] >> do like a -- >> jimmy: like if i do this? no, if i was in ais. >> wait, wait. okay.e all -- >> jimmy: i feel like i've
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>> your fingers are relatively close together, which suggests are a control freak. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that could be true, yeah, yeah. >> when i wave, this finger is really far so that shows somebody who's eccentric and doesn't try to belong to the crowd and has unusual ideas. >> it does? >> yeah. see how the firstfar away? this is the finger of rules and laws -- >> jimmy: when i drink, i have a tendency to put my pinky out. like in a -- does that mean i'm>> that means you're classy for sure. yeah. it also means you're an intellectual. >> jimmy: it does that. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: all right, oh. well. working with a trainer. maybe you could look at his hands. we'll talk about "new girl" also.
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and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep. i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough? who'll step up when things get tough? of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me. but only if you have a brain. sweetheart, don't look at me like that, it's gonna be amazing. disaster! who's the genius who puts a girl in heels on a subway grate? miss monroe, eat a snickers. why? you get a little cranky
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>> jimmy: we are back with megan fox. ben mckenzie and chris stapleton are on the way. "new girl" is a show that zoe is a star on the show, she was on maternity leave, you were nice enough to come in and fill that gap? >> i don't do a lot of tv, i was skeptical of why were theye to do this, it's a comedy and i'm not associated with comedic stylings. i wanted to know what they pitched it and i thought it was really funny. i watched it and i think the l and everybody on it is really talented. >> they are, and a nice group of people as well. >> really nice, a really fun time. i'd been filming a lot in good to be able to be in l.a. >> jimmy: coming in as the new
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immediately accept you? was there some riod? >> there was a brief feeling-out period. i mean, they accepted. they were all very kind. but i could tell there was like a -- because you never know what like. if your reputation precedes you, they worry that you might be a diva, you might be high maintenance. they were sort of -- there was a period where they were waiting to see how i was going tomy: but they found out you had water palms and it was fine. >> i did. >> jimmy: guillermo, i think you have sweaty palms if you have water palms, ns you have a really -- >> jimmy: right here, come sit on my lap, megan's going to read your palm. he's been going to a trainer her go, isn't that right? >> guillermo: that's right. >> jimmy: that's true. >> you also have an earth hand. >> jimmy: that's nt along. >> okay, let's get into this. so you have a wide-reaching lifeline which means you're
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orar away from home. >> jimmy: yeah, he came from mexico. >> there you go. i did not know this, everyone, you're going to be super impressed by the time i'm d line here. it's connected to yourh indicates there was some sort of at least psychological trauma from the early parenting. or early childhood. >> jimmy: that's true. >> i have it too, don't feel bad. it's the first thing i checked on my own kids and theirs is my: his mother made fun of his moustache. >> your head line swoops down which means you're a create ive thinker, you're not ar, you're a more creative time. do you believe that's true? >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah definitely yeah. >> and decent love line. >> jimmy: oh! >> it forks right here. >> jimmy: really? his love line is forking right now? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my >> close your hand and let me
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so you have -- this shows that you have three major relationships in your life. i don't had all of them. there's definitely a marriage, that is marriage line. >> jimmy: he's married. >> there's three so you may have had two other significant wife or -- >> jimmy: could i be one of his relationships? >> it doesn't show me gender, so sure, it could be. do you feel that jimmy is one of your significant relationships? >> guillermo: well, he doeshe best second thing that happened to my life. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: see that? thank you.he first is my son. >> jimmy: the first his son, the second is me, the third one is chalupas. right? get off my lap, come on,x is here. why did you touch his hand and not mine, this is outrageous. >> we didn't get that far into your palm reading, you went to immy: next time you come.
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hopefully it won't be so long. "new girls," megan fox.ckenzie! [ cheers and applause ] st. all. year. long. don't waste it on a pricey wireless plan. mystery fees and overages. switch to straight talk... ...to get coverage on america's largest and most dependable 4g lte networks. ost. that's right. half. get any of the latest samsung phones or bring your own phone. unlimited talk, text and data is 45 bucks a month. find out more at
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we're back. still to come, chris stapleton. our next moved from the o.c. to d.c. comics, he plays rookie copt summoner. james gordon battling baby penguins and junior-jokers on " gotham." it returns to the air february 29th on fox.enzie! [ cheers and applause ] let me see your palms. you have effort hands. >> guys deeply into my eyes. >> the earth hands thing means you have dirty fingernails. >> i was watching that going,tever you have to, do it's worth it. >> jimmy: very good to see you. you came in from new york? >> that's right, on furlough from "gotham" for 24 hours only. >> jimmy: was there everou would not
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new york? >> there was. i love new yrs and applause ] i started off there, unemployed actor. >> jimmy: oh, really, so your living conditions have improved. >> they have. i actually shared a jimmy: oh, really? >> with an old roommate. i was 23 years old. i had a bunk bed. the room was too small, i had tooom for $700 a month. >> jimmy: who got the top bunk? >> he got the top bunk. >> jimmy: that is better? i think the top bunk -- you think the top bunk is the best but then as the years go by going to sleep on the bottom, be honest, any conversation where you're starting "we had a bunk bed" it's a lose-lose. i was a bottom.immy: how about when you bring a young lady home, and you have bunk beds? >> first of all, you try as hard as you possibly can do go to her: yeah. >> that's the first move. the second move is the sock on the door. >> jimmy: that's a classic. >> yeah, yeah, sure. >> jimmy: it really is.
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please, >> jimmy: what if the guy's already sleeping on the top bunk? >> that may have happened. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. for me that would have been an have been, all right, i'm going to see you. >> for her it was an out too, i think, yeah. >> jimmy: okay, good, you're enjoying your time there in new york now? >> it's york. the energy of the city is so unbelievable. the interaction with the fans is a little bit different. >> jimmy: you're shooting right -- >> shooting on over the city, the boroughs. in l.a. it's like, hey, man, i saw your show. in new york it's like, hey, you! from across the right. >> hey, you the [ bleep ] on gotham? yeah, yeah, that's me. >> jimmy: and you are -- >> i like it. you're like, to ask you about, i see you are sporting a little bit of facial hair. >> yes. >> jimmy: commissioner gordon, i know you're not commissioner yet on the show.
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know -- by the way i enjoy the show and like premise. it sounded ridiculous when i heard the idea. but you're on your way toward gordon. >> yes. >> jimmy: commissioner gordon, when i watch the old batman show and all the comics, has a es. he's also -- more full-figured. >> jimmy: he's also more full-figured. >> he's a little -- i'm not th well, you know what i'm saying is i'm not suggesting that you put on weight. but we do have some moustaches here. i don't know if you want to select one of these -- >> jimmy: none of them of really right for your hair. >> this is quite dashing. >> jimmy: this one i'd steer away from. >> no?ith the blond hair and blue eyes might be a problem? >> jimmy: yeah. >> was this even -- who was in charge of this moustache?
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none of them are great choices. i do have some rubber cement if you want to try one on. >> we can do might be a little sticky. or use the pin. try that one. >> this could work. >> jimmy: it may be the most normal of all of them. >> is this going to fall apart?. put that on. let's see what commissioner gordon -- see? [ cheers and applause ] certain appeal. yeah, no moustache is a good idea. give it a few years. maybe you grow it will be a big moment. the show's very successful. >> yeah, we're doing great. we're doing great.ot of fun. it's new york. and we're out in the elements in the freezing cold. >> jimmy: which is very different from the o.c. which i think when we first started this sh >> jimmy: that was the biggest show in the world, the o.c. >> i know. then it was over.
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it's weird. it was a weird thing. >> yeah, , we decided we've had enough of this. >> that was filmed in manhattan beach on the beach most days. now i'm sitting there. >> jimmy: things have really changed for you, for the worse. >> the worse. a slow precipitous fall, actually. >> jimmy: things are going very well for you. see you. congratulations. the show comes back on february 29th. 8:00 on fox. "gotham," everybody, ben mckenzie. we'llhris stapleton!y kimmel live concert series is presented
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life as spokesbox is great. people love me for saving them over half a grand ogressive. so i'm dabbling in new ventures. it was board-game night with the dalai lama. great guy. terrible player. don't stress, girl i got the discounts that you need it's a balancing act, but i got to give the people what they want -- more box. for the critics? what can i say? critties gonna neg. [ applause ] the what?!
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trying to find salvation in that city limit sign and one of those la nightst oh the stars come out and shine so bright they drown the downtown lights when the stars come oute stars come out everybody's somebody someday everybody's got a parterybody's trying to find a way to say what needs saying everybody's got a friend of a friend somebody that can get you in begging angels for a sinthat we're all playing
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this is "nightline." >> tonight, four teenagers' lives forever changed in an instant. a costly mistake with shocking>> he's got a dead body. >> they were sentenced to decades behind bars even though none of them pulled the n't kill anyone. >> the controversial conviction setting off a national firestorm. >> i think it's overkill. >> their mothers now on a mission to free their sons. we take you inside thethe young men dreaming of a second chance.
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