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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  March 4, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST

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what did you think of j-law's dress? which white people did you go after, bro?alk to us! >> jimmy, jimmy kimmel, what are you doing out here? >> jimmy: my mom got me this get a few shots. >> don't you have the "after the oscars" special tonight? >> jimmy: yeah, but -- did you t? can i get some of that nourishing lotion? yo, chris.ta rock it tonight? chris, who are you wearing?
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wearing! i need to know who you're wearing!icky: from hollywood -- it's " jimmy kimmel live after the oscars" ! tonight - ben affleck, vill, jesse isenberg, j.k. simmons, will arnett, nathan lane, matthew broderick, mike tyson, and less.ive to the governors ball. presented by samsung. with cleto and the cletones. and now --action - here's
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you. i was not expecting it. thank you. i'm jimmy. thanks for watching. thanks for staying up.day night but welcome to our 11th annual after the oscars special. the statues have been handed out, the speeches have been spoken, and once again i was notf the after parties so here we are together. [ cheers and applause ] making the best of it. it was a night of controversy. it was a night of awareness.ight of a lot of uncomfortable famous white people trying to make sure they clapped when the cameras were on them. as you know there were no black nominees in the acting categories. were whiter than the line to buy t-shirts at a michael bolton concert. the only way a black or hispanicer was going to win an oscar was if they let steve harvey announce the winner and that didn't happen. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] went mostly
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the biggest surprise was learning there's actually a movie called "the 100 year old e window and disappeared." it was an interesting show. the sound cut out on one of the d design. true. i think the person -- the kid est short was short. so that was good. and the woman who won best costume design showed up dressed like this. the second oscar and tenth nomination for jenny bevin. the first oscar in this category -- oked like sammy hagar in sturgis. i guess she doesn't take her work home with her." won best picture. brie larson won best actress. [ cheers and applause ] leonardo dicaprio won best actor.
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types. never won but everyone kept saying, this is his year. and it was. but you know, the man has had sex with a different victoria's ht of -- every year of his year. from 1991 on has been his year. and it was a special night fan of movies, movie stars, or the ryan seacrest men's wear collection. we still have many great moments ben affleck is here. [ cheers and applause ] he's batman. yesterday was ben's 4-year-old son's birthday party and guess what costume his son made him wear to entertain the kids at the party. we'll find out how that went. it's not all glamorous, this hollywood stuff.red carpet, next day 15 preschoolers are beating you with pinata sticks. right now the stars are heading the post-oscars party across the street. our man guillermo is there
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[ cheers and applause o him now, guillermo, what's it like, are there any big stars around? the big stars around here. beautiful women too. >> jimmy: why don't you have any of them? >> jimmy: they're at the bar, see who you can russell up for later. how many drinks have you had?equila. perfect. so he's ready to go. that's actually less than he thank you, guillermo. we'll check back in with you later at the governors ball. one of the most critically acclaimed movies of the year this year that was not nominatedt picture was "creed." the toir of rocky balboa training the son of one oft rivals. stallone was nominated for an oscar. it would not be a movie without a sequel. the world premiere trailer for the much-anticipated followup to "creed."
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this is my one shot. this. can't nobody stop me!>> you got no business being here.hters are fighting for their lives. look at you. eating a hero sandwich. >> it's a hoagie! >> get the hell out of my gym! this. your first fight with clubber. you got caught with a right uppercut. in with an itchy blow hole. hee hee! hee hee! hee hee! hee hee! hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!ch about that fight? >> that was my pops.
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us. i need you to train me. >> train you to do what? >> what do you think i'm talking about, fool, to fight. >> you don't look like a fighter. whole life. the people who said i couldn't fight -- >> ha ha ha! >> hey, baby. >> fighting that lady in the wendy's drive-through because she wouldn't give me extra dipping sauce. uce? >> all i asked for was extra honey mustard! aahhh!ight, kid. let's get some shorts on you do. come on. >> all i asked for was extra honey mustard. >> come on! come on now!
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here! >> boxing isn't just about strength and conditioning. it's about heart. brains.nd fowls and wings! >> over, under, round and through. meet mr. bunny pull it through. you're not focusing. you've got to focus.at like you mean it! harder! harder!! give it to him! what the hell are you doing? whoa, whoa, whoa! hey, hey, no! no!no! got it? you've got it. you've got it! [ cheers and applause ]t's the fight nobody thought would happen. >> this is a fight nobody thought should happen.
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of boxing.o see it. >> this is our last round, you need this one. >> i keep thinking it's gum. d your edge out there! >> rrrow! hey, get me some. honey mustard, you remembered! >> that's right. >> that was clubber. >> i know, i know. mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.much. i got hair in my teeth. go get him! >> pop?ur jibber jabber, fool!
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yeah.quel. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have to take a orth it, stay there. we have many stars and many surprises on the way. it's our biggest show of the year. our 11th annual " after the oscars" special - we'll be right back after this.] have to forage, got two jobs to pay a mortgage, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. i'll be working while you sleep.think i've got a brain? you think a resume's enough? who'll step up when things get tough? hat kind of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me.
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and welcome back to our 11th annual " after the oscars" special. first let's check in with guillermo on the wall of america at the governors ball happening across -- look at this, guillermo, you did it! us a big star, you got us a big star, sacha baron cohen, hello!
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>> hello, america. you were supposed to present and allieg. ended up filling >> that is true. nature called and i went into the bathroom and next thing i knew i had been made a fool out of. >> jimmy: did she know that alig. was coming out instead of -- oh, hold on. i'm trying to -- i'm real sorry. apologize but there's some idiots in the back >> yeah, there's a lot of complete pardon my french [ bleep ] walk, there are people like --
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famous. a lot of people are here upset they didn't win tonight.is is really a shame that we put so much work into the show and then people just show and up they ruin it like that. >> bad losers. you know -- sacha, you have a movie "the brothers grimsby" coming out. >> that's right, that's right. march 11th. apologize for what's going on here, very unprofessional. guillermo, you're the one that should be watching for what's going on. out of the shot! >> who is -- >> jimmy: thank you very much. >> dim wit. >> jimmy: i'm so sorry. >> stay away, please. xcuse for that. i apologize again. some people are just gross. but thank you very much. >> yeah. >> jimmy: sacha baron cohen!lause ] >> stay away. >> jimmy: thank you so much, >> stay away next year. you, guillermo? no -- >> hey, jimmy --
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much.me off, that's all. so back to the movies. this is the reason why we're watching television tonight. is on car night is a night to celebrate great films. th the movie "the producers" you know it is one of the best comedies ever. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the producers" is a classic, won an osrd-breaking 12 tony awards when mel made it into a broadway musical starring nathan lane and matthew broderick. it's been almost 15 years. now they're back with a diabolical new scheme to unleash their most spectacular disaster yet. a pair of political consultants on needed a break. >> that's it! we're finished, through, kaput!. >> let's face it, bloom, we haven't had a winning campaign in years. >> max, do you realize under the might be possible to make more money from a losing candidate than from a winner? >> what did you say?
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like crazy and promise all the donors ambassadorships to italy or sweden or armenia.ic figures out what a nut case our guy is he drops out of the race -- >> and we keep all the dough!m, glorious bloom! you bloody genius you! >> max, don't. >> but wait, wait. this candidate.st candidate in history. a real train wreck. schmuck, putz, gold-plated nincompoop.d a buffoon like that? >> and now a message from the board room. >> people have been asking aboutt i have so many papers on my desk. it's actually very neat., i mean, there's a lot of stuff. i've noticed over the years -- people have a lot going on on their desk.
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part of me -- >> yes, yes, yes. hello, hello, operator?'s a good thing -- >> get me the board room. you know which one.y had a foolproof plan. >> there's a new horse in the race for the white house. his name, donald j. trump. can he beat the establishment? who will support him? fiscal conservatives? the religious right?racist white people? >> they're sure he can win?onald trump is the very definition of a winner. >> just read the pin. >> oh. ky, bless you. thank you. thank you. yes. i keep the checkie, thank you. yes, good-bye, mrs. comisky. here we go. that's a girl.
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we're going right out the door. all right, easy now., we don't have time for that. easy. all right. don't worry, it's only six flights. bye! >> bye. >> thank god for citizens united.rance so far. >> and 25 million bucks, bloom. i have to tell you, running trump was smart. but your idea about building a wall across the mexican border? brilliant. about making the mexicans pay for it. >> he won't last the week! is it. >> i will build a great, great wall on our southern border and t wall. mark my words. we're in the money we're in the money ick the wrong fool. >> good news for donald trump. the whole world has gone stark
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skulls, even in whack a doodle. >> you ready for someone who riors do their job and go kick isis' ass? >> he's still in the lead, max. >> how could this happen? proven businessman who knows how to get things done. >> yeah, he'll stand up to the mexicans. this it's not possible. >> where did we go right? >> i don't know. >> wait a minute. wait john mccain's war heroism? >> yes. >> did he say we should kick out 11 million immigrants? >> yes. e banning all 1 billion muslims from entering the u.s.? >> si! >> did he say heid >> yes, yes! >> nothing is working, max, nothing. >> oh, no! no!ouncer: just in time for the election, it's a story that
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really, really depressing. [ cheers and applause ]ed a chump to put on the stump a frumpy grumpy named donald j. trump he's building a wall a don't worry cause the mexicans will pay for it all >> announcer: from the producers of "the producers" comes a movieke america great again. nathan lane, matthew broderick, and cloris leachman star in -- >> maybe he won't be such a bad president.g bong bing bing bong bong. >> whoa, what have we done? [ laughter ] applause ]
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including we have tonight on the from "batman versus superman." [ cheers and applause ] the "after oscars post show." we'll be right back with ben affleck! [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: jimmy kimmel after the oscars is brought to you by samsung. go to youtube.com/jimmykimmielive to n a virtual world using a samsung v-r headset. trade is all about seizing opportunity. and i' his opportunity to direct.
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each, hurry. only at t-mobile. look good, you should wear that jacket home and make love to your wife. >> oh. that would be great.
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and we need voters whwho are disappointed in
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to remember come election time. ent obama's outrage. it's time we had leaders with the courage to stand up to the nra. i'm p.g. sittenfeld.l fight for commonsense gun safety, criminal background checks, ban assault weapons. i approve this messageckland will never stand up to the nra. i will. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. thank you for staying up late th annual " after the oscars" special. we are beaming to you live from way from the dolby theater, the room where it all happened earlier tonight. we have new shows tomorrow night and all next week. and a lot left to come tonight. two-time oscar winner, actor, director, producer and
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batman vs. superman: dawn of justice." >> stay down!if i wanted it you'd be dead already! ] >> jimmy: "batman versus superman" opens march 25th. please welcome ben affleck!
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wow. you look -- you look healthy, you look -- healthy. well, you know. you do the superhero movie, you get muscled.e turns to fat, you know. >> jimmy: uh-huh, wow. i mean, really. >> on and off cycle. >> jimmy: no offense, i don't uncomfortable position, but you really ballooned up. >> thanks. i didn't think it was going to be about body shaming tonight.g on? >> thanks but -- >> jimmy: have you got a monkey under there, what's happening here? what is going on here? it's moving. >> jimmy: what the hell is going on there? >> what is this? hey, why are you touching me?m not touching you.
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[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] sit! i won't have it -- sit down! no clapping!] long enough. >> jimmy: i'm upset with you more than him about this. >> i think it's maybe time to bury the hatchet here, man. ecide when it's time to bury the hatchet? you know what he's done to me? >> i think as a mutual friend it's time to, you know -- >> jimmy: this is not about you.it's not about us. >> matt, have a seat, sit down. >> jimmy: no, don't have a seat, that's my seat.
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sit. [ cheers and applause ]my: it's not a guest, that is not a guest segment, this is not a guest appearance. >> this feels amazing! [ cheers and applause ]this is not a guest appearance. >> it's nice, i feel good about this. >> jimmy: you might feel good about it, i don't feel good about it.r, that's not, that's a spare chair in case anything happens to this guest. you're unioning the oscars show, nobody wants you here. [ audience groaning ]>> jimmy: my own audience has turned on me! >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> and i still feel like dorothy. i do. this is wonderful. >> jimmy: you know this is illegal what you're doing, right? this is trespassing.
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entering.ld be -- i could have you arrested right now for this. >> i didn't know that. if that's true -- >> jimmy: that is threw and you're an accessory. >> no, no, no -- and you should treat him a little better. >> jimmy: there was not a plus one on your invitati, was there? >> not technically -- >> jimmy: not technically, no. >> that's why i was one shroud -- >> jimmy: can we not have him in please? please, yes, slide it over. yes, there we go. that's the segment, that's perfectly fine with me. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guillermo. do something, you're supposed to be watching the show and protecting me from this. >> i was actually nominated for an oscar and i can't get on the oscar show?] >> jimmy: thank you. dicky, please.
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little bit too! hey, that's too bad. show, you go see his show next time. this is my show! [ cheers and applause ]t's a real bummer i have to say. >> i'm sorry. >> know your intentions are good but i am furious right now. and i was going to do something nice.w this picture of you and him when you were at your first oscars. now i'm not >> jimmy: how old were you in this picture? >> i am 9 years old there.t that, with your mom. look how happy you look. >> i know, this is how i get the reputation somehow. he gets the reputation for being the nice guy.not the nice guy! >> i've been figuratively carrying him for years. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there yo that's how he snuck into show business in the first place. true or false, you wrote "good
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typing? [ laughter ]know what i mean? >> jimmy: you remember when you guys won the oscar and you had to go up on stage, do you >> jimmy: do you have any -- did you have anything prepared? >> we were young and naive. write a speech? that would be assuming we were going to win, that would be ink we were going to win. the whole idea of writing a speech was absurd. then we do win. matt's like, you go first!ally gracious and generous. then i realized he was coming up with things to say.boston eight times in a row. we want to thank boston and -- go back. >> exactly. >> jimmy: i wanted to ask you -- >> half of dunkin' donuts. >> jimmy: birthday party, your and his request was? >> he wanted a superhero birthday party. >> jimmy: right. >> and so he wanted superheroes there.s do you
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he's ticking off heroes. then he was like, and i want you to do batman, real batman!ike -- what do you say? oh, okay. >> jimmy: you say yes. >> i'll do my best. i had to call the studio.y costume lying around? the cowl and the whole thing? what do you need? you know, just for some personalter. so they brought the costume. and i had to sign away, you ntee that i wasn't going to use it for evil. >> jimmy: really? >> ruin it or anything. a 4-year-old's birthday. i get the costume. the other guys are like -- the re. they have bits like all worked out, know what i mean? they're a little put off. >> jimmy: oh, really, who were the other heroes? >> wonder woman, superman,
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and there was me. ] think you're batman? is it blurred? >> it was so motorfying. it's kids. i didn't think of course all e. i had to put on my outfit for this movie. and put on my scary face.year-olds and all their folks are there. know what i mean? it's 11:00 in the morning and they're kind of like, wow! batman!ou have to tell -- no, he really wanted it. >> this means a lot to my son! don't make me come find you!eck is here. we'll be right back with a never before seen clip from "batman versus superman" so wake up! [ cheers and applause ] ogg's frosted mini-wheats ... 8 layers of wheat... and one that's sweet.
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better? this scene will never make the cut, morons. never underestimate the power of energizer. our longest lasting
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everything right but find it harder and harder to get by, you're not alone. while our people work longer hours for lower wages, almost all new income1%. my plan -- make wall street banks and the ultrarich pay their fair share of taxes, provide living wages for working people, for women. i'm bernie sanders. i approve this message because together, we can make a political revolutiononomy and democracy that works for all and not just the powerful few. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, guillermo. good job.leck. this is our "after the oscars" special. that's a great story about the birthday party.
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brady asked you to play batman at his son's birthday party, would you do it? >> i would miss this show to wash tom brady's car. now? i'll do wonder woman. >> jimmy: so by the way, i saw 's great. you know, for kids and for people who grew up loving comic books to see batman fight superman, it really -- it's unset settling.ng you've ever believed. too much. but i do want to say that i am in the movie. and you're great in it and henrys superman and i am really, really great in it. and i'm so excited. this is my first big role in a movie. >> you were good. >> in the process of making movies, as -- i'm a director so i have a perspective -- >> jimmy: i'd love to be in your next too.
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but one of the things that you confront are creative difficult ces. we have one thing that's so, so good. and another thing that's so, so, so good.the movie. >> jimmy: like you and matt on the show tonight, one of you had to leave. >> that was a hard choice. >> jimmy: unfortunate. but i am psych the about it. your work ike a tough choice. and it's just -- the movie was a hair long. you know. the stuff you did was so good and they were like, you know what? maybe what happens is he's on screen for too little amoime to be this good. where else is he? we can't have him be that good and be in this little part of the movie. so what they did was took that right out. [ laughter ]immy: this is a joke, right? >> no. >> jimmy: they took what out? i don't know what you're saying. >> the stuff was so awesome, it was too awesome.
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for a second, aah! >> jimmy: not my stuff? >> yeah, your stuff. >> jimmy: so there's no way of seeing it. >> i wanted you to see in person how awesome you are. so i brought the oh, you did? more people will see this than that stupid s a bonus scene from batman versus superman dawn of justice, starring me. [ applause ] >> mr. wayne. clark kent. "daily planet." what's your position on the bat
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the law.town, is that right? >> you could say that.le differently in gotham. >> do you? >> i know you. think so. >> excuse us. >> people ever tell you you look like superman? >> no. i've never heard that before. >> huh.e i said, mr. wayne. people in gotham need to learn -- >> you're superman! -- >> take a picture with us. i've got to get this on the gram. thanks. my wife's a big fan.l it when, you know, there's a celebrity that
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you're that guy. >> say cheese. >> put the phone back up for a second. you're batman! superman over here! >> look, i think you have me confused with somebody else -- >> no, look at that! >> hey, [ bleep ] off. >> whoa! >> this is awesome. vate conversation. >> oh, i didn't realize you were having a conversation. hey, everybody, they're having a conversation, they don't want any regular people to bother them. alone. thank you. >> anyway. as i was saying i think the hey can't trust an alien with the power to burn the entire civilization down -- >> yeah batman and superman. fight. >> is that so? >> i don't know what's going on. yo, what up, periscope?nd
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you off this planet. >> [ bleep ] off.ne meets clark kent, i love it. i love bringing people together. >> superman, batman. >> batman? that's not batman. he's in a nice suit.lowing cape. superman has perfect vision, whereas this man's in glasses. >> yeah, but -- >> what? >> look. >> oh my god.e such an idiot. of course it's him. >> yeah, i can see why you'd feel that way, took me like two >> spent my life trying to kill a journalist. i'm so embarrassed. carry on. i like your column. >> hey, look at this. >> batman. >> that's batman. >> it's true.atman. >> you're not batman.
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batman.ey care. we're still vital. >> anyway. i came with a warning. stop or i'll stop you. >> yo, yo, yo, could i get everyone's attention, please? firs deejay who's been chopping it up all night. you know what i'm saying. i want to welcome our special guests batmahouse, hit it! you know this song. yeah.is hole watch me crank it watch me roll superman and
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aaaaahhhhhhhhhh! you okay? you're on mars. e kidding me. oh god. >> kimmel. we the only ones up here? >> yeah. >> oh. you do? >> besides grow poo potatoes? i mean, not much.'re here i was thinking maybe -- let's do a talk show. you could host it, i'll be your guest. every night. >> oh. no, no.
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that. but thanks. and congratulations on not winning the oscar.o go over there and die alone. it's good to see you, though. nd applause ] >> i bought us a zoo! >> jimmy: there we go.body! "batman versus superman" march 25th. thank you for bringing that for me. it's too good. >> jimmy: we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] l live after the oscars" brought to you by samsung. go to youtube.com/jimmykimmellive to in a virtual world using the samsung
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to our spectacular. we are live.
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from the dolby theater and we ia vikander, congratulations. i wanted to talk to you, i heard you kicked matt out, i'm so proud of you. >> that. he was very rude to do that, he didn't announce he was coming. he actually snuck in, inside ben affleck's navel, which i thought big night of the year. >> that just shows who he really is. i'm so glad you can see that side. >> jimmy: this is exciting for you.ur size. >> it is. >> jimmy: is it heavier than you thought it would be?t's heavy. wait.
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>> to be equal. andled one of those before? >> i have not -- it looks like an oscar. >> jimmy: it does look just like an oscar. who did you call after you won? make any telephone calls?: you haven't called anyone? >> i've been running, haven't called anyone yet. i will. i think sweden is waking up at the moment. >> jimmy: i see. >> hopefully i can reach them on my phone. >> jimmy: wiu when you return home? >> i'm going to just -- i'm going to do a parade myself. at least tonight. i'm going to kick >> jimmy: okay, very good. congratulations, i don't want to keep you. i know you're having a big celebration there. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: thank you so much, congratulations alicia vikander! she's swedish. she's actually from sweden. a lot of people like those candy fish, they say they're swedish? not really.. we have one last thing for you.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to thank the academy, i'd like to thank ben affleck, tracy morgan, nathan lane, matthew broderick, sacha baron cohen, alicia vikander. most of all i'd like to apologize for letting that loser
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he shouldn't have been out heret damon you're a real sob. good night everybody. >> the mystery finally solved with a courtroom d you kill tammie myers. >> and the trial of the century. >> if it doesn't fit, you must acquit. >> the o.j. simpson murder the country fixated that the knife could be the missing murder weapon.

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