thank you, ma. oh, and, gerard, don't forget to tell your mother that we're even now.

[ male announcer ] a guide to g little carro. little bit of hummus. lonely wing... well we have got the perfect match for you. of course you can't beat the classics. delish... sabra hummus. dip life to the fullest. sabra hummus. do you mind if i sit? sometimes my legs give out unexpectedly. yeah. yeah, go ahead. you know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. what do you mean? well, i mean, you know, you shouldn't be forced into doing something that you don't want to do. i'm not going to have to do anything weird, am i? what? no, no, no, no. i mean, we are in a basement. remember when you had that idea-- we were 7. all right.

all right, so we're gonna do this. good. uh, so the book i'm writing is about baseball. you follow baseball? you want me to say yes, don't you? i'm just asking. yes. ok. uh, i was thinking, you know what you could do is read what i've already done and kind of proofread it. ok, so all you gotta do is kind of... and punctuation, you know? here, you know what? just highlight anything that you see is wrong. all. what, already? you've found something already? do i have to use this highlighter? why? why? what's wrong? this is really throwing off fumes. i'm getting high here. what do you want? how about that red pencil? i'm using it. i'm using the red pencil. ok. listen, you're the boss.

all right. here, here. take it. take the pencil. thank you. "...sandy koufax, nolan ryan, to name a few. while these men..." what are you doing? yeah, it's nothing. it's good. whatever. but, gerard, if there's something wrong, you gotta tell me. no, it's just... i don't know. doesn't "whore" have a w? what are you talking about? you called some guy a whore in here, and i-- wait--wait--wait a minute! wait a minute. i don't call a guy a whore in my book. yes, you do. "lou gehrig was the iron hore." h-o-r-e. horse! see, i forgot the s. he was the iron horse. oh. that doesn't make sense either. but that's good. that's a typo. that's a typo. thanks. yeah, but you would have found it eventually. yeah, but--but you found it.

or someone else would have. gerard, you did it. i--i might have missedsomething. something else, though. i think i was distracted by that whore. it's not--it's not whore! i don't write whore in my book. hey, how did it go with gerard today? yeah, thanks for mentioning things to my mom, peppersquat. i can't get any work done. he's allergic to the pen and keeps asking me stupid questions. you gotta just give the guy a chance, you know? you try spending the day in the basement with him. he--he's got something negative to say about everything. even when i compliment him. and he keeps complaining in that nasal, whiny voice.

"oh, no, i spi ha ha ha ha. what? you could be twins. what? he sounds just like you. no, he doesn't. yeah, yeah. that's you. "oh, i spilled the witeout1/4." yeah, that's me. it's not me. as a matter of fact, you-- what? what? what? what were you gonna say? nothing. something about the kids. you really think that i'm his twin. no, ray, i was just kidding. no, you weren't. what were you gonna say? [sighs] it's just that... i noticed your heads are kind of the same shape. heads?

"oh, no, i spilled witeout1/4."

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[ male announcer ] and now you can get it too, for just $89.99 a month guaranteed for 2 years, plus your choice of a $300 amazon.com gift card or a $300 visa prepaid card with a 2-year agreement. technology that makes life more entertaining, call the verizon center for customers with disabilities that's powerful. at 800.974.6006 tty/v. technology that makes life more entertaining, so you don'te verizon center live here anymore?h disabilities no, no, i've had my own place for about a year now. you? yeah, 12 years i've been on my own. 8 if you don't count the hospitals. hey. hi. hiya, raymond. hiya, gerard. uh, good morning, cousin. hello, raymond. you hungry, dear? i'm making some eggs for you, too. is that my shirt? oh, well, he had a stain on his other one. all done, aunt marie. do you mind if i visit your rest room? no, dear. go ahead. be careful in there, all right? 'cause you're not getting my pants!

take a wild guess. again? what, is he on the installment plan? marie, how long is he gonna be around? uh, i don't know. when you gonna be finished with your book, raymond? i don't know. jeez aloo. i can't take it anymore. i'll tell you something. my relationship with his mother is not worth this. hey, wait a minute. you're the one who told me to-- i know, but he's such a mopey fellow. "oh, no... my leg's bothering me." "oh, i'm allergic to that." wait a minute, wait a minute! he's not that bad. he's a schmo. he's got no zest for life. i mean, he's very negative. how did you put it, robbie? loser. over here to eat.

your eggs are ready, dear. um, what the hell was that? what, dear? it was like time froze there for a second, and when-- what are you laughing at? you agree with debra. no, not at all, dear. it's just that-- now that you mention it-- ha ha ha. it's uncanny! you think i'm like him. and you think he's annoying, so you think i'm annoying. uh, i believe that's the transitive property. there is something. oh, ra're annoying. you're just blowing this whole thing oh, am i?f pro yeah. i--i don't hate you. i wonder why that is.

just say it! i'm annoying! all right, i got the same nasal voice, uh, i look droopy like him, i'm negative. no, no, no. i know all that. it's just it's different with you. i--i--i--damned if i know what it is, though. i know what it is. you're our son. that's it! wh-wh-what does that mean? i don't know. we're used to you. used to me. we've just developed a tolerance for you. tolerance for me? you tolerate me. good-bye, everybody. hey, don't get mad at us. come on, he's right, dear. you're the one who came over here, asking us if you're annoying. which, in and of itself, is quite annoying. why? huh? why is that annoying, robert? because you already know the answer.

see, that's you all over. debra already told you yesterday you were like gerard, right? for you? nooo. you have to check with everybody else. poll the world. they won't mind. because no one elsa? what do you think, we're just hanging on hooks over here, waiting for you to stop by? hey. marie: hey. my mom says next time they're working on my sinuses, they should do a whole nose job. wh-what do you think? well, we were having a conversation about something else, but we could stop to address your concerns, gerard. hey, robert, you really want to see annoying? why don't you check in the mirror? bravo.

all right, break's over. y back on the hooks. hi, daddy. hi, daddy. hey. hi. hey. you forgot something about last night. what? that i'm annoying. what? yeah, like you don't know-- hiya there. shh! hey, kids. got your nose. can i be excused? d, i'm punching in. i'll be down in the salt mines. ok. i'll be down in a little while. all right, i'm firing him. why? why? because everybody hates me. and before he got here, they didn't know that.

oh, so you're gonna take it out on that poor guy? yeah. can i make a suggestion? you want to fire him? no, but if there's something about yourself that's bothering you, then why don't you work on you? why do i talk [plays smoke on the water] hey. hey. sorry. is there a song you like? no, no. uh... listen, gerard... oh, boy. what? you're firing me? what?

it's just every time in my life someone has said, "listen, gerard," or there's a medical complication. ha ha ha. yeah, oh, oh, no, no. no. no. i, uh, just wanted to talk, you know? just...talk. ok. yeah. ok, um... i just wanted to apologize, you know, 'cause i've been kind of grumpy with you. i didn't want to say anything. it's ok. you know, people have told me that if you're not happy with yourself, you should work on yourself, and i've been kind of thinking about that, and that's why i think that we should work on you. what? i... no, 'cause, you see, since you're working for me, you are then a reflection of me.

and that is why... we should work on you. i don't know, i-- now, see, see, right there, right there, you're not looking at me. when you talk to somebody, you should make eye contact, you know? just try--try saying something to me. what do you want me to say? no, no. you're looking at your shoes. look up. look-- make eye contact. you do anything weird. and another thing. why you always got to look so mopey all the time for? that's my face. i can't change that. have you tried? you should just, like, raise your eyebrows, and smile a little. like this. will you? not a big scary... it's a big scary smile, just a little... smile a little. smile a little. no, you look like--like you're in pain there. smile. a little smile. not a big-- i don't like this.

ikes to work on themselves, gerard. i'm not supposedgotta stand up to move like that.ht, to i think i have sciatica. see, that's another thing. that's another thing. why do you gotta be so negative all the time? and, well, whose 'cause i'm nfault is that, very happy. gerard? you even talk strange. you're all nasally and whinily. and like the word you just said. right... neow? ok, what does a cat say? you mean a talking cat? no! a regular cat! a regular cat. what does a regular cat say? meow. meow. neow. meow. neow. you see that? see how annoying that can be? yeah, but what do you want? try it like this. right now. right neow. try it again. right now.

right neow. now. neow. now. neow. now. neow! neow! neow! neow! you say it just like i do. no, no, i don't! try it again! say neow! neow! neow! neow. neow! neow. it's the same! it isn't! neow! wait, this isn't about me, gerard! knock it off! you're really annoying! that's right. you know what? i quit. i've had it with you and your whole side of the family. i only took this job because my mom owes aunt marie. my mom owes your mom! yeah, yeah. believe whatever you want. i'm stard! you got problems, pal! you got problems, all right? and i'll tell you something.

you're gonna go through life blind to your problems! and there's no call for that kind of language! neow. duh! right neow. ahh! right now. now! now! right now! right now! ♪ ♪ ♪

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high fructose corn syrup from yoplait original and light, we were like, "sure. no problem!" but what about thick & creamy and whips!" and we were like, "done and done! now it's out of everyt and you were all, "yum!" and we're like, "is it just us, or has this been a really good conversation?" and you were like, "i would talk, but my mouth is full of yogurt." yoplait. it is so good!

oh, good. glad you're here. i'm annoying? huh? you think i'm annoying? where's mom and dad?

shopping. okwell, you're on page 3. i'm annoying. you have your own place, and yet yo you havethat's loyalty. your ownthat's a devoted son. fine, that's your spin on it, ok, good. you can have that. how about the way you eat? every time you take a bite, you touch it to your chin first. what do you call that? quirky. if i was famous, everyone would be doing it. your feet smell. ha ha. all right. now you're grasping. hee ha ha. how about that? how about that laugh right there, huh? that's annoying. amy thinks it's cute. she's annoying, too. i've made my point! captioning made possible by talk productions captioned by captioneering your closed captioning resource

hey, nemo, pizza ready? look at this. ah... what the hell? oh, hey. hey, guys. hey, moron, where were you today? whoa, whoa, what are you-- how come you're not golfin'? we waited for your big nose for an hour. then we couldn't play because a tournament was starting.

nice work, big nose. ah, man, i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i just had to do something at the house, you know. i just had to... i had to... had to do that something. we kept calling. why didn't you pick up the phone? yeah, i know, but i couldn't hear because i was fixing the dryer, and, uh... that damned basin of it, it's all... out of its hoop. what, are you trying to lie or something? all right, guys, listen. i'm sorry. i couldn't make it this morning because debra and i, we just, you know, we couldn't get out of bed. oh, for cryin' out loud... no, but listen... i didn't want to. i was ready to go. i was ready to go. we were in the kitchen-- all right, ray, look, we don't need to hear the details. i bought new balls and shoes. he owes me details. listen, junior high, shut up with the details. it's his wife. er golf? it's your wife. ray: listen--

here's the pie, ray. you guys gonna order, or are you just gonna color the place mats? no, no. don't order anything, guys. look, let me make it up to you, huh? let's have my pizza. huh? zza i give to you. free. come on, free pizza. we're gonna need drinks. yeah! yeah, suzy, small sodas for everybody. co all right. so...you had a busy morning. did you remember how to do everything, or did you have to consult the manual? ha ha ha ha ha! hey. you want to know something? you're not gonna believe this. third time this week. that's a barone record. 3 times? get outta here! i'm tellin' you. no way. 3 times. tuesday, thursday, today. i think you're confusing sex with showering. so how come you're becoming so popular? i don't know. it's just happening. u doing something different? you talking to her more, paying more attention to her?

maybe it's your... technique. have you learned some new moves? no. moves. what do i got? i got fast forward and the stall. well, you gotta be doin' something different. no. the only thing i can think of is i got this pulled muscle in my ribcage, you know? so lately, everything i do, i'm favoring my left side. so? i don't know. maybe i'm just, like, accentuating some emphasis at a different angle. maybe she just, uh, g golf. what do you mean? think about it, ray. she's jealous. she hates when you play golf. she'd do anything to stop it. even if it means having sex with you. ha ha! that's it! he's right! no, that's not it.

what about tuesday and thursday? that's probably part of her plan. [high-pitched voice] i'll have sex with him tuesday and thursday, and he'll be none the wiser. yeah. sorry. that's not it, all right? it's the new action. yeah, right. hey, robert, do me a favor. i might get lucky tonight. punch me in the ribs? ha ha ha ha!

yes honey? dad told me that cheerios is good for your heart, is that true? says here that cheerios has whole grain oats that can help remove some cholesterol, and that's heart healthy. [ dad ] jan? hey. what are you doing? i'm brushing my teeth. oh. so that was a first, huh? this morning. making me miss golf like that. it didn't seem like you missed it. ha. i didn't, no. no.

hey... look, this morning, you you know what i was thinking? why don't you make it up to the guys tomorrow? yeah, all right. what do you mean? you...you want me to go golfing tomorrow?tomorrow. i mean, you did kind of ruin their plans today. yeah, you should go golfing. i'll take the kids to the park. oh, you're the byou're the best. [sing song] going golfing tomorrow. all right. i'm gonna go watch the news. that's the... same kiss from this morning. oh? no... why not?

you-- yes! why not?! ah ah ah ah ah! well... oh, you really like me a lot this week. i'll be in the bedroom. ok. don't start without me. i won't. [giggling] ow. ohh. ah. ohh. ohh... hey, what's this thing here? what? this--this thing with the muscleman on it. oh, that's from my gym. that's my new aerobics instructor. nick bronson. does that guy teach, or does he just model? ha. no, no, he's really great. as a m class 3 times this week. 3 times? yeah. tuesday, thursday, and this morning.

so? oh. yeah, i don't know. actually... my ribs are bothering me.