excuse me? nothing. my father thinks that geoffrey has... homosexual tendencies. but, look... don't worry about what he thinks. he's still not sure about me. ha ha! well, in my opinion, michael's only slightly behind the other children, and i'm sure he'll be fine to move on to kindergarten. but...there's a question? oh. well, not with me, but the kindergarten teacher rita will come down and make her own evaluation. so michael might have to stay in preschool for one more year. it--it happens sometimes. and it's better if it happens in preschool because there's no shame in repeating at this age. sure. right. but this kindergarten lady rita, she'll make the call? yes. is she tough? well, what do you mean?

you know... [grr] you really got to leave him back? i mean... what about that other kid i saw, the one licking the blackboard? ray, it's not a competition. you know, my biggest concern is splitting up the boys, because they're so close. well, i thought of that, and, you know, if it comes down to it, they could both stay in pre-k one more term. again, they're on the younger side, and moving forward at this age isn't crucial. i don't know. maybe that would be...best. i--what do you think? is the board-licker moving up?

go ahead. cut. a straight line. go ahead. but no, straight-- go straight. go straight. go straight, mike! stop--slow down. stop.

go straight across, ok? no...no, no, no! all right, hey, hey, hey, maybe--maybe this isn't a good idea. no, but he doesn't cut-- no! it's ok, ray. it's ok. no! i think it's better if he doesn't associate cutting paper with you foaming at the mouth. why don't you just help him with his comedy routine? yeah. great, great, great. that's a future. "hey, hey, "funny boys! "put on these chicken heads "and hand out these coupons. don't worry, michael, we cut them out for you already." hey. hey, robert. all right, michael... go upstairs and-- here, practice cutting. take the scissors. go. run. no, don't run! don't run! idiot. this is how michael cuts paper. so...we hate him now? he just needs to work on his fine motor skills a little. they're thinking of keeping him in pre-k one more year. really.

interesting. why? why is that interesting? oh, nothing. you got any doughnuts? don't give him any! he already had 2! i still have coffee left! you refilled that coffee so you could have more doughnuts! so she ate them! that's right, because 2 doughnuts are enough. well, how many did you have? why do you change the subject? wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. i know what to do. i know what to do. get out! what's the matter, dear? michael might get left back in preschool. what? oh. interesting. what? what's so interesting? what, is he stupid? nobody's stupid, frank. michael's a little young for the class, and besides, girls mature faster than boys. oh. so i guess geoffrey's fine then. yeah. all right. stop it, frank. raymond's upset. it's ok, dear. it's just preschool.

that's what i told him. and if he has to stay, geoffrey will stay with him. oh, that's good. no, no, no! why not, frank? law of nature. you get left behind, you get eaten. you're too soft on the kids. you got to push 'em. push 'em forward. just keep pushing 'em! until when, frank? until they cry. that's nature's way of letting you know you've pushed enough. here's a man they let have 2 children. raymond, don't worry about the boys. they're beautiful, sweet boys. they're gonna fly away soon enough. yeah, all right, ma, look, i want them to move up to kindergarten and be with the other children. other children are overrated. but it won't hurt michael and geoffrey to stay little one more year.

you know, that's what i did with you. what? ha ha! it's funny... i never told you this, but when you were the twins' age-- you remember a nursery school used to be on jay street with the pretty yellow flowers out front? well, you and i would walk there and back together every morning. you were so cute holding my hand. so when it came time for you to go to kindergarten, which was crosstown with a bus, i decided it would be nice for everybody if you stayed in preschool one more year. you left me back? left back for love. that, and you were slow. i remember you couldn't even cut paper. hee hee!

frank! wait. what? what was wrong with me? nothing, sweetie. you were just a little young, too. so you stayed there one more year, and we got to walk by the yellow flowers some more. th-that's why i was always the oldest in my class. yellow flowers! you knew? no. yes, you-- of course you did! that's what was so interesting. ok, i knew. well, why didn't you tell me? i don't know. you tell your brother this! i couldn't! why? because. because why?! because i felt sorry for you! you...felt sorry for me? you felt sorry for me?! ray, it was just pre--

gaaah! i was just-- gaaah! ee--no! maybe i should've waited another year to tell him. vamanos dusty! the fans await! roger that. so, el chu... what do i do? i've never done this before! just smile and be yourself! oh! it's dusty crophopper! over here! dusty!!! hey! aaaaaagh! wow! so many fans! dusty my friend, don't let it go to your head. you have to stay humble... like me! aaaaaaaah-ha-ha-hiiiiiiy! fly into target for everything planes.

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technology that makes life deb.e entertaining, deb. ow!!! hey! what's up? what are you doing? am i stupid? if this is your new way of asking for sex, then yes.

come on, don't you see? that's what i passed on to michael. that's my legacy, the dumbness. no. you've passed on other things. your lack of tushie. ha. yeah, very funny. you have a stupid kid, you don't even care. he is not stupid. then why isn't he the same as geoffrey? you can't even get good twins anymore. why don't you think of it this way, ok? michael is the way the twins should be, and geoffrey is exceptional. geoffrey's your favorite. you're kidding now, all right? admit it. you've always liked geoffrey better, and that's why michael's goofy. good night. maybe if you were around a little more, michael could cut paper.

aha! i knew it was right there under the surface.

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all right, i think i picked up on something. oh. what do you want? nothing. over there sniffing out hints, ray? where are you getting them? you go first. no, no. you go first. i said "you go first" first. so? you go first. why don't you both go at the same time? all right. all right. 1...2...3.

hammock. you--you... you didn't say anything. hammock? that's right. it's a perfect gift. yeah? can you really see mom fighting her way out of a hammock? shut up. she'll love it. it's like an outdoor couch. when dad lies around, she doesn't have to look at him. we should get a hammock. hammock? that's right. so let's hear your idea. all right. are you ready for this? it'll blow your hammock to oyster bay. family portrait photo. who wants that? ma does. i read the signals loud and clear. yeah, and what were the signals, ray? she said, "raymond, i would really love a family portrait photo." "instead of something useless. like a hammock." she did not say that. she will. hmm. um...

you know, ray, about this photo idea? it's really stupid. why? it's perfect. it's what she wants. don't you think? look, we're gonna have to spend, like, this whole awful afternoon with them, and then after we're done, we have this permanent reminder of the whole awful afternoon with them. you lose. yeah, you wish. how about backing me up here a little? we're already spending all of christmas with them. come on. it's a family photo. it'll be nice. oh, all right. ohh...thank you, honey. nyah. it's good we're getting it done, you know? 'cause...every year you get older-looking, right? what? when i say "you..." i... i mean me. i mean me plus $20.

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we're here to help. here are your christmas cookies. i have to tell you-- not yet. will someone acknowledge the receipt of these cookies so i can have one? marie, those look-- good enough. hey. mom and dad, i think i know what i'm gonna get you for christmas. better not be a pet. i hate people who give pets. yeah, yeah, we know, dad. giving a pet means, "you're old, i find you boring, talk to a bird." we're thinking of getting you a family photo. oh, raymond, how did you know? you told him. and you know, mom, my gift, unlike raymond's, is a total surprise. and...is better. anyway, mom, mom, i'm gonna set it up, you know, next week. this way you'll have it for christmastime. i'm gonna have debra set it up.

oh, raymond, you're going to so much trouble. oh, yes, he is. um, you know, um, marie, while we're talking about christmas, i had this idea. now, i know this year is your turn, but i was thinking of starting a new tradition. what if we spend christmas eve at my parents' and christmas day at your house? that way, nobody misses christmas together. [chuckles] that's lovely. but you'd have to leave connecticut in the middle of the night to get back for christmas morning. oh, no, well, we would just stay overnight there and we'd get to your house about 10:00. but... marie: but... but the children coming downstairs in the morning and opening their presents, and their little faces... how could you take that away from me? well... they'll still have faces at 10:00. ha ha ha! "still have faces at 10:00." ha ha ha!

heh heh heh... [no audio] come on, 10:00's fine, marie. who needs that crack-of-dawn crap? grandpa'll give you a better show at 10:00. i have to say, debra, you're killing christmas. marie, i--you know-- it's really not that big of a deal. right, ray? don't you think it's a good idea, ray? just like i thought the family photo was a good idea. i loved that idea, didn't i, ray? it just sounds like a lot of driving.

dad, could i borrow $20? i think you made a wonderful gift choice. you have a lovely family. you haven't met everybody yet. don't worry. i can handle anything. i used to be a crime scene photographer. well, they won't be as quiet as your other clients. all right, we're here. debra: hi. where were you? what happened? you were right behind us. your father parked a mile away. there's meters right out front. that's right. meters, money, your father. mouth, noise, your mother. frank, there's a mirror over there. why don't you go comb your-- oh, that's right. professional photography-- one of the all-time great rackets. all right, dad, please. grab a camera, find some chumps, make 'em smile and say,

"ripoff." what are you doin'? you taking a picture dressed like that? ray, i had to come straight from work, ok? you did this on purpose. wearing that. what? you're trying to screw up my gift. right? hammock? calm down. i brought clothes. yeah, well, put 'em on, and... just watch yourself. hi, robbie. you're gonna change, aren't you, honey? y-yes, ma. listen, ma, i still don't understand why amy couldn't be in the picture? because it's a barone family picture. is she a barone? not yet, mom. well, when you make her a barone, she'll be in the picture. stop pressuring me!