you're not changing? mom, tell him to change. [through clenched teeth] ok, ok, i'm going... mr. portraiture. yeah. that's funny. come on, now, now, now, boys, boys, part of my present-- as lovely as this is, raymond-- part of my present is that we have a family picture that's happy. and part of a family picture that's happy is what? it's him--he's-- i wouldn't know. come on. part of a family that's happy is what? 2 nice boys. 2 nice boys. that's nice, dears. now, that's a merry christmas. hi, all! debra: ohh! mom and dad! feliz navidad. what did you do? [evil laugh]

vamanos dusty! the fans await! roger that. so, el chu... what do i do? i've never done this before! just smile and be yourself! oh! it's dusty crophopper! over here! dusty!!! hey! aaaaaagh! wow! so many fans! dusty my friend, don't let it go to your head. you have to stay humble... like me! aaaaaaaah-ha-ha-hiiiiiiy! fly into target for everything planes.

♪ oh, oh, oh ♪ come on, people, now ♪ smile on your brother ♪ everybody get together ♪ try to love one another ♪ come on, people, now ♪ smile on your brother ♪ everybody get together ♪ try to love one another ♪ come on, people, now [ female announcer ] rich, creamy quality breyers. the taste you've loved for over 140 years. ♪ right now high fructose corn syrup from yoplait original and light, we were like, "sure. no problem!" and you were like, "thanks, but what about thick & creamy and whips!"

and we were like, "done and done! now it's out of everything yoplait makes." and you were all, "yum!" and we're like, "is it just us, or has this been a really good conversation?" and you were like, "i would talk, but my mouth is full of yogurt." yoplait. it is so good!

hello, everyone. debra: oh, i'm so glad you'reere. i was getting worried. the bloody parkway was completely jammed. i mean jammed! hello, robert. [unenthusiastic] hello. oh, marie, isn't this exciting? a picture of all of us. do you know we don't have any photos of us together? i wonder why that is. raymond, could i see you for a minute, please? ow, ow, nails, nails, nails! raymond, you know that i care for debra's parents a great deal. everybody knows that. don't be fresh. why are warren and lois here? i don't know. i'm just as surprised as you are, mom. i'm not surprised, raymond. i'm disappointed. all right, now, don't-- don't get disappointed. isn't this my present?

you finally got me a decent present-- it's still decent, mom. i'm--look-- all right, just help robert tuck his shirt in or something. hola, ramon. yo estoy listo para la fotografia. ok. that's "hello, raymond. i am ready for the photograph." i'm practicing my spanish 'cause lois and i are... on our way to buenos aires. oh, yeah? what time's the flight? well, it won't be for a couple of weeks now. despues del año nuevo. yeah. yeah, yeah, that's great. that's great. i brought another pashmina in case you want to wear one, too. oh, that could be so cute! matching pashminas. i'll be right back. oh, this is such fun, raymond. yeah. yeah. what's with your parents?

what are you talking about? my mom's all upset. she didn't know your parents were going to be in the picture. well, of course they're gonna be in the picture. you told them to come? well, yes, ray. i mean, you said "family photo," so... family photo. but you didn't even tell me. well, i assumed you knew that my parents were part of the family. ok, yes, i knew, but you had to know that my mom would go all dog day afternoon on us if--if your parents are in her picture. well...uh... ohhh... ohhhh... what? what? what's the matter? you did know she would hate this. did know. sabotage. what are you talking about? why are your parents here? because they're part of the family, ray. and since i won't be seeing them at christmas-- ohhh... ok. little debbie's revenge. you're trying to get bacat me

because i didn't "support" you with your little stupid christmas day thing. it is not stupid for me to want to be with my family at christmas instead of yours. instead of mine. you said instead of mine. that means you don't even want to be with mine at all. i am with them every day! well, so am i! ok, everybody, we're almost ready for the grownups. hey, snaps. officer barone! hey, i haven't seen you since i left the force. yeah, well, i made sergeant. so, you're taking pictures of the living now, huh? yeah, mostly. what was our last job together? what was it, the bronx? that's right. yeah. decapitation. yeah. yeah. [both laughing] could we just take the picture? you better go tell your parents that this is not cool. i certainly will not. why don't you tell your mother that she better accept the fact that she does not get to decide who's in and out of this family.

just talk to your mother. you talk to your mother. hey, how much longer? i don't know. a couple minutes. i gotta do something. i can't take that warren anymore. señor windbag. all right. he keeps-- he keeps telling me about his latest collection. vintage walking sticks. what do you want from me? talk about a waste of money. he doesn't even limp. just go be nice to him. he's even got on that holds booze in it. surprise! hey, ma. how you doin'? did you talk to debra? yes, i did. we had a great talk. now, here's the thing-- raymond-- no--uh, just listen, mom. it's--it's christmas. you know, you-- you love christmas. remember--remember that christmas movie, a christmas carol?

huh? remember the little crippled boy, and he said--he said, "merry christmas to all, and to all a good night." so--so he wants us... all... to have a good... ok, how about this? we put her parents at the edge of the picture, and later you can cut them out. it's all right, raymond. i'm not feeling very well. why don't you all take the picture without me? mom, i did this for you, mom. i did it for you. i thought so, too. all right, just wait here. wait here. excuse me, ray, can i ask you something? what? amy can't be in the picture, but there's plenty of room for hoity and toity? well...

what? i don't care-- i don't care if amy's in it or not. talk to mom. well, you see, i would, but she's pretty upset. nice gift. ok, everybody. whenever you're ready. yeah. ok. sure. sure. all right. listen. she's crying. she is not. she's got the dry cries. photographer: ray. as soon as i get the adults in, then i can bring in the kids. right. no problem. are you gonna help me? no. this is so typical of your mother. it's either her way or no way. this picture, where we spend the holidays, how i raise my children. well, guess what. not this time. oh... come on. you're killin' me here! this is the--the-- the first gift i'm getting her that even has a chance of working. remember the toaster? huh? the--the aquarium? the--the fruit of the frickin' month club?

don't you see? i thought she would like this because... she told me she would. come on. hey, look, just take the picture, and then i'll do whatever you want. all right, we'll take the picture. thank you. as long as my parents can be in it, too. [whimpers] acch... fine. ok. fine. they're in. they're in. thank you for understanding. now, if we could just please get over there. come on. come on. did i tell you how beautiful you look? you look beautiful. like a nice little peach. ok. dad! we're ready. enough with the cookies. enough. come on. had enough cookies, and just straighten the tie.

hey, it's too tight! you're poppin' my head off. ha ha. yeah, we wouldn't want to do that. ok. warren, vaya con dios. actually, raymond, that means, "go with god." that's good. i learned something new today. ok. right over there, vaya con franco. oh, no. here you go. ok? ok. come on, robert! you ready? yeah. what are you doing? you said you were going to change. i decided not to. look, it's not my fault that amy's not in the picture. i'll tell you what. debra's not allowed in your hammock. you're not either. fine. all right, look, leave your uniform on. just get over there. get over there what? get over there now. get over there... please? there you go, raymond. you'll find that a little kindness goes a long way. thank you. thank you very much.

all right, that's almost everybody. all right, ma, it looks like it's all gonna work out. it doesn't look that way, raymond. no. no, no, it is. it is. oh, you smell nice. what is that? is that a new perfume? no. it's what i always wear. it's my jean naté. oh. i've always-- i've always loved that. and i gotta-- i gotta say something. you know, i've never told you this, but you know what one of my favorite things about you is? what are you doing? you know, ma, if-- please, i'm just trying to compliment you, that's all. i just-- i just love the way you're just so open-minded and considerate, especially when someone's trying to do something for you. raymond, you are putting me into a very awkward situation.

no, i'm not. i'm putting you into your christmas picture, which you're gonna love. hey, everybody, look. it's mom. if you could just, please, just try to smile. i will, raymond. but this is not the present i wanted. raymond, i just noticed that this background is blue. do i have time to change into my gray pashmina? get back in your place! we're takin' this damn picture! don't you see what i'm dealing with here? are you blind? uh, raymond-- baahhh! no hablé talky-talky. ok? i've had it with-- with trying to make everybody happy. i was trying to do something nice! i'm sick of everybody coming up to me-- "oh, talk to debra." "talk to your mother." "why can't my girlfriend be in the picture?" "oh, i don't want to spend christmas with them."

"oh, fix it, raymond. talk." i'm not talking. don't talk to me anymore, you hear me? if you want to talk, talk to yourselves, 'cause i'm out! maybe i'll just wear the blue. ok, here we go. we're taking the picture. we're taking the picture. listen, if you need 5 minutes, i can-- no, no. take the picture. take the picture. oh, all right. look over here. give me a big smile and say, "merry--" ray: take the damn picture. alrighty. 1, 2... [click] [we wish you a merry christmas plays]

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now we're warming up. these are living people. all right. one more. here we go. all right, come on, smile, everybody. we don't want raymond to throw another hissy fit. yeah, that's right. all right. one for the mantel, now. [imitating ray] nobody talk to me anymore! very good! very good. 1...2... robert got you a hammock.

captions paid for by the fox broadcasting company hey, everybody, welcome to "dish nation." i'm ricky smiley right here in atlanta. i want you to give a big welcome, show your love to brooke and jubal in seattle. >> what's up?

>> hey, rickey. today's all about the teams. two hot starts from parks and rec making out. >> tell me it was donnie and ron swanson. >> it's almost that sexy. almost. >> all right. appreciate that, brooke and jubal. everybody, i want you to welcome dallas to the show! what's up! the beautiful and sexy kelly raspberry. w oprah shut down. this started an international incident. >> this is probably going to blow your mind. britney spears is going into the meatball business. >> makes sense to me. >> have you heard about the new east coast-west coast rivalry? the kardashians versus the obamas. cris j kris jenner is firing back.

>> shaq, lindsay lohan. is that a recipe for disaster? >> they would be the best celebrity couple name. >> shohan. kim kardashian and kanye west. >> this is sweet 16. one of the biggest birthday parties you have. and they didn't even show up. >> let's see what's going on in dallas. >> k-fed got hitched. kevin federline went to the hard rock hotel and he eloped with his baby mama victoria prince. >> she's actually a very, very pretty girl. >> yeah. he proposed on monday and got married on tuesday. >> did he do the elvis thing? >> obviously. >> what's weird is britney is starting her biggest show. since she's there she thought

she might as well start a lucrative business on the side. i don't know how lucrative this will be. the meatball industry. >> i love meatballs. >> i thought the only [ bleep ] were cheese puffs. >> they're known for having six different types of meatballs. she's going to have some of her own, i suppose. >> i love it. >> yeah, but what's she going to name them? >> toxic? >> you can't -- >> not a good one. >> nothing comes out when you say the name. like -- >> she doesn't lip siync her meatballs out. >> give me, give me pauballs. >> that was awkward. that was really uncomfortable. >> that's not going to make your christmas tape. kris jenner is firing back at president