the wait is over. olive garden's never ending pasta bowl is back. unlimited breadsticks. unlimited salad. never ending bowls of pasta for just $9.99. did i mention it's all unlimited? never ending combinations of pasta and sauce. like new asiago garlic alfredo and even unlimited meatballs, sausage or new chicken fritta for $2.99. the never ending pasta bowl is back. it's all unlimited, but not for long. go olive garden! we're all family here. >> okay, will, i'm off to work. >> uh, sweetie, you got time for breakfast? i can whip you up some eggs. >> no, thanks. >> well, how about a cup of coffee? >> i will grab one at work. >> okay, well, slow down for a second. i-i came by the hospital looking for you. renee said you left. >> yes, she was right.

>> whoa, whoa. where'd you go? >> oh, so now you want to know where i was? last night, you were too busy kicking it with your ex-fiancée. >> oh. look, i wanted to talk to you about that. i didn't plan to be left alone with tamiko. my mom came back early. >> but you decided to stay anyway? >> well...yeah, but -- >> but, look, will. ever since you've gotten suspended, you've been sitting around here feeling sorry for yourself. and then your mother comes in here with your ex, and you all want to go out and have family day? well, i've got news for you -- i am tired of you, will. i am tired of your excuses and i am sick and tired of your mama. >> hey, can -- can you leave my mama out of this? >> why should i, will? you didn't. [ door closes ] >> so i guess you don't want no eggs! >> hey, cora. >> oh, hey, hey, gordon. how you doing?

>> good. i just heard a funny joke from the kids in detention. >> oh, really? what is it? >> yeah, now, what drink has a cold? >> i don't know. what? >> cough-ee. [ coughs ] get it? >> no. no wonder they in detention. >> i got another one for you. >> all right. what is it? >> what's colorful, loud, and round in the middle? >> a beach ball! >> no, no, no. try one more time. >> um... >> hello, cora. >> mr. brown! >> that's it. >> [ laughs ] >> look at you. >> what are you doing here? >> oh, i'm securing the premises. i'm your new security. >> really? >> yes, i'm security-fied. >> yeah, i had to contract with a security agency to basically get a temporary to serve as a security officer. >> really? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. but they had to have very specific qualifications. >> what you think -- what you think got me the job? was it my cat-like reflexes? maybe it was my ninja-like agility. >> fact is -- you fit the uniform. >> that's what i was gonna say next. i said to myself, "self, i looked like i fit." y'all go ahead. i'm security. >> congratulations, mr. brown. >> thank you, cora. thank you. back up. be careful, cora, 'cause i don't

want nobody to get you. >> so, uh, mr. brown, shouldn't you be making your rounds right about now? >> oh, no, no, no. i already made my rounds. i checked the basement, i checked the roof, and the doughnut shop. i'm trying to keep this school -- hey, delinquent! come here, you juvie! who are you? >> who are you? >> i'm your worst nightmare. i'm the new security enforcement officer. i'm -- i'm something like a navy seal in training. >> oh, the hall monitor. >> boy, ain't nobody no hall monitor. what you doing loitering around in our halls, anyway? cora, you know this punk? >> yes, this is milo. he's a student. >> i have my pass, ms. simmons. >> oh. >> you don't give ms. simmons nothing. i'll take it. give me the pass. try to give cora nothing. i'll -- i'll take the pass. now, what's your name? >> milo. >> milo what? >> jackson. >> milo jackson. mm-hmm. what's your social security number? >> don't give your social security number. >> i'm trying to help him. boy, your barber should have finished cutting the rest of your hair. what is that, a fro-hawk? >> you just mad 'cause you got a

no-hawk. >> i'll start to uppercut you and knock all your teeth out. here! you're all right. get on out of here and go to class. >> milo, go to class. >> hurry, boy! i said hurry up! don't run! tell them there's a new sheriff in town, and his name is mr. brown. well, i'm gonna be out there securing everything. holler at me if y'all need me. [ whistles ] thank you very much. >> oh, would you just stop it? look, your husband bought you a robe, ms. ogleby. use it! nobody wants to see your stitches. >> oh, hey, renee, how's everything going, baby? >> well, everything's fine except ms. ogleby. she keeps untying her robe and flashing all the alzheimer's patients. well, good thing they won't remember. >> ha! all right, well, i'll go grab her another robe and check on

her, okay? >> okay. thanks. >> hey. >> oh, hey, troy. >> i had a good time last night. we closed the place down. >> i know. look, i cannot remember the last time i did that. troy, i just have to thank you so much for listening. i really needed that. >> anytime you want to get together for coffee or conversation, i'm available. >> oh, well, i'll keep that in mind. thank you. >> so, when's your next break? we could take a walk and, uh... talk. >> uh-huh. yeah, well, i think i've done enough talking already. >> yeah, you're right. [ mom ] with my little girl, every food is finger food. so i can't afford to have germy surfaces. but after one day's use, dishcloths can redeposit millions of germs. so ditch your dishcloth and switch to a fresh sheet of new bounty duratowel. look! a fresh sheet of bounty duratowel leaves this surface cleaner than a germy dishcloth,

as this black light reveals. it's durable, cloth-like and it's 3 times cleaner. so ditch your dishcloth and switch to new bounty duratowel. the durable, cloth-like picker-upper. so ditch your dishcloth and switch to new bounty duratowel. all this produce from walmart and secretly served it up in the heart of peach country. it's a fresh-over. we want you to eat some peaches and tell us what you think. they're really juicy. it must have just come from the farm. this right here is ideal for me. walmart works directly with growers to get you the best quality produce they've ever had. what would you do if i told you all this produce is from walmart? wow! is it really? (laughter) find fresh peaches and all your quality produce. backed by our 100% money back guarantee. walmart.

>> are you crazy?! what the hell were you thinking? >> i was thinking the same thing you were. >> no! this -- that never crossed my mind! >> but that's how it felt. >> okay, you know what? we cannot do this, okay? i can't do this. i am married. >> look, if you weren't married, would things be different? >> you know what? that topic is not up for discussion. the point is that what just happened shouldn't have, and it will never happen again. >> sasha. sasha. look, look, look. okay, maybe i misunderstood. >> oh, you sure as hell did. >> look, i'm sorry, okay? now, let's just -- let's just back up. >> troy, you need to listen to me, okay? i talked to you as a friend. i confided in you. do you think that i wanted that to happen? >> look, can we finish this conversation later? >> no, we can't because there is nothing to talk about. okay, this conversation is over. >> dr. crane...

are you following me? >> no. >> why not? >> sasha, i'll get those charts to you later. >> that is great, because i will send renee over to get them. >> girl...did you see that? i'm wearing him down. did you see the way he ignored me? that's pain right there. that's pain. he fighting it. i'm fighting him back. fighting. fighting back. >> you go ahead on and fight, renee. what do you want? >> oh, um, can -- can i punch out early? >> renee, you left early yesterday. >> i know, but today, i have female problems. >> oh, you got female problems? >> mm-hmm. >> what kind of female problems, renee? >> there's this female whose husband i'm kind of seeing. she's in the parking lot trying to key my car. she's so ghetto. >> [ coughs ] cough-ee. get it? [ coughs ] coffee. get it? oh, it's a joke. fine! that's why half of you will be hearing the same joke next semester.

open your textbooks. >> cora! don't nobody in here move! we got a perpetrator! >> what is it? >> somebody perpetrating! >> what's going on? what is it? >> cora, i was walking my beat, and i happened upon this right here. >> what -- and this is -- >> that's a fake hall pass, and the ink is still wet on it. >> really? >> yep. either the ink is wet or my hands are wet, 'cause i-i dropped my keys in the toilet and i reached down up in there. but anyway, cora -- >> mr. brown, that's nasty. >> go ahead. >> oh, hey, don't put your hands on me. i'll take care of it, mr. brown. >> no, i know i can take care of my own stuff. cora, call me -- call me officer brown when we at school, okay? do that for me there. all right, listen up, you perpetrators! delinquents! we can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way. it don't make me no never mind. i'll tell you what -- i'm gonna search everybody's in here backpack. >> what? >> okay, class, i just need you to cooperate. just cooperate with officer brown. >> i'll tell you what -- any resistance will be met with swift and cruel punishment. i'm gonna hit you in your neck. >> mr. brown. >> boy, is your hair leaning?

why is your hair tilted to the -- i'll tell you what -- just hold your head like that, boy. just like that. now! oh, you got an attitude. you attitudinal, huh? you attitudinal. i see you with your fake -- your fake -- what is these? nails. and your fake purse and your fake shoes. what else am i gonna find? maybe a fake hall pass? huh? what else am i gonna find in here? ha! there it is, cora! is this your cheddar right here? this your bankroll? this your provolone? right here, cora. >> mr. brown, mr. brown, that's a bit much, isn't it? >> no, it ain't a bit much, cora. that's just 35, 36...37 cents, cora. look at you. you're cheap. you could have at least gotten about $20 for them things. you're a delinquent and you're stupid. >> mr. brown, don't do that. >> cora, i'm trying to help this girl. cora, i'm scaring them straight. you scared? hey, you! come here! come here!

come here! looking like a broke-down jimmie "j.j." walker. get over here. >> man, didn't we do this already today? >> get up. back up. get your hands out your pocket! that's how they killed malcolm x. come over here. boy, ain't nobody playing with you. get up here. you know what? you said something. i heard you mumble. get over here. what you think this is? looking like you wake up eating cornbread every morning. boy, unfold your arms before i break your arms off. i'm security. take all your stuff out your pockets and put it on this desk right now. take it! boy, i'll start to rip your pockets off. take the stuff out. >> you -- turn that way. don't be looking at -- you don't look at me, neither. turn that way. looking like carrie. you gonna burn the school down. turn! boy, how old are you? you look bad. you look 40. look at your skin. it's all wrinkled and -- >> what is going on in here? >> this boy right here bumped me.

>> i'm a victim of racial profiling! >> you're black. you ain't -- you're a victim of a bad haircut. just shut up. >> milo, sit down. >> you need to get a perm. >> mr. brown. >> yes, sir? >> can i see you in the hallway, please? >> i'm glad you asked. cora, if anybody moves, you're in charge. hit them in the shin. it'll crip-- it'll... yes, sir? >> mr. brown, we have a problem. >> yes! did you know milo is 37 years old? >> mr. brown, i'm not talking about milo right now. i'm talking about you. you're doing too much, mr. brown. you're out of control. >> what you talking about? i'm -- i'm just trying to break up this counterfeiting ring around here. it's international, local, even. >> the teachers are saying that all your tactics are completely disruptive. >> that's 'cause they're used to a stinky system. this system stinks! >> okay. mr. brown, consider yourself now on probation. >> you don't like... i see what you're doing. this what they tried to do to shaft, too.

i'm not gonna get emotional. i got an emotional wall. i'm not gonna show emotion. [ whimpers ] >> i'd like to say that this looks good, but only doctors get to have bad handwriting. do it over. >> girl, who pulled one of your tracks out? >> renee, i am not in the mood. >> okay, why are you all snappy and on edge? do you need a little something-something to take the edge off? 'cause i got a little something-something in my purse. >> renee, you had better not have any contraband in this hospital. >> i know that. my purse is in my car. >> isn't it time for your break? >> okay, fine. i'll be in the car. >> sasha, can we talk? >> i've already said everything i have to say to you. >> well, i haven't said everything i have to say.

>> hey, troy, can't you see that i'm trying to work here? >> well, i guess you don't have time to hear about the board calling me back to talk about will. >> what do you have to say? >> oh, so you have time now. >> ok, troy, i am not here to play games with you. if you need to talk to someone, maybe that person should be will. >> or maybe i should talk to the board and tell them the truth about what i know. >> excuse me? troy, wait a second. are you trying to blackmail me? >> no, i'm just giving you options. >> what do you want? >> i want to make sure that what happened between you and i never happened. >> well, that's what i said from the beginning. >> yeah, that's what they all say at the beginning. >> are we done? >> yes. i'm glad we had this conversation. >> hey, everybody. >> dr. brown, my star resident. >> hey, i learned from the best. >> the board will come to see that soon enough. i'll make sure of it. >> all right. thanks. >> good talking to you, sasha. >> will, what are you doing

here? >> came to see you, babe. >> okay, well, couldn't you have waited until i got home? >> well, no, actually, i couldn't. now, look... listen... these last few weeks, i've been selfish and unreasonable. you've been nothing but supportive. >> honey, you don't have to talk about that. >> yes, i do. this whole thing with my mom and tamiko -- it just -- it just got out of hand. and expecting you to lie to the review board was -- was just wrong, all right? i made a mistake and i'm sorry. >> so am i. >> ugh! why don't y'all use the back of the ambulance, like i do? move. go. >> [ sighs ] hey, cora. >> hey, gordon. we made it through another day, huh? >> yeah, no scratches, no bruises, and only one

disruption. >> did mr. brown take care of it? >> mr. brown was it. >> well, he can be a little enthusiastic, but that's mr. brown. it was his first day. he was excited. >> i'm afraid this is gonna be his last day. >> do you have to fire him, gordon? he means well. >> hey! boy -- boy -- boy, i start boy -- you don't know what -- come here. don't you know that eating candy in my hall is a direct violation of code number oi812? look at you looking like you're looking. boy -- boy, who do you think you are? snoop puffy puff or somebody? look at your hair. it's just scattered up. you need to get your ends clipped and get some more -- exfoliate more. now, what i'm gonna do is -- i'm gonna write you a warning. and if you do it again, i'm gonna bust you in your face, you understand? consider this a warning.

keisha! i see you, girl! if you're gonna leave your baby in the locker, at least leave it cracked so he can breathe! now, this is your warning. if i have to warn you again, i'm gonna scalp you like an indian. you understand me? do you understand -- oh, you're trying -- don't look at me like that. >> mr. brown. >> that's how you got to treat these kids. >> they're just kids. >> nobody being rough. >> mr. brown, gordon has something he want to tell you. >> well, gordon, i know i haven't found out who's, uh, making these fake hall passes, but i'm on it. >> i appreciate your high level of energy, but i regret to inform you that, mr. brown -- >> just wait a minute, droopy drawers. where you -- britney spear-head, go to class. droopy drawers, you left your i.d. in ms. simmons' classroom. i want you to know that. look. here -- here's your i.d., looking like you're looking. pick it up. aha! i told you! i knew it! i knew it! look at that! what is this? what is this? >> um, these -- these are my

hall passes. >> you're a liar and a half. that's what you is. two lies. what's your name? >> milo. >> milo what? well, why does this have "milo mccallister" on it? that's "milo mccallister"... "milo johnson." >> get your stuff. to my office now. >> yes, sir. and i would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for this meddling hall monitor. >> boy, i start to kick you -- i'm gonna kick something so i won't kick -- hurry up! hey, you better not be running! yeah, that's how you got to treat these kids. if you allow it, he'll steal from you. if he'll steal, he's gonna lie to you again. >> good work, mr. brown. >> thank you. >> didn't he do a good job, gordon? >> very impressive. >> thank you very much. i'm just doing my job. i'm just doing my -- thank you so much. i love you all so much. >> now, mr. brown, speaking of your job, i have to -- >> gordon. >> i'll see you in the morning. >> thank you so much.

oh, you're so wonderful. >> bright and early, all right? >> yes, yes, you're bright, just like cora, too. yes, yes. ?ó

>> cora, the lord is good. >> yes, he is. >> he's been better to me than i've been to myself. >> so true. >> i can't tell it all. if i did, i wouldn't.

i just couldn't. cora, i'm official! >> yes. i'm happy for you. congratulations. >> thank you, thank you. oh, cora, let me show you my keys. this right here is the main key. >> okay. >> yeah, that's the main office. this right here is to the principal's office. >> uh-huh. >> and this -- oh, this is the master key right there. but i don't know where that room is. you know where the master room is, cora? you don't know where the master is? cora, this is to the cafeteria. i'm gonna stop and get you a lunch...or two... or three.

>> ooh, hey, girl! oh, wait, ah-ah, wait, wait, wait. how long are you in town for? oh, oh, well, then you have to come back tonight. we're having game night. yes, you can join us. ha. well, yes, i do still -- no, i have not gotten rid of curtis. [ laughs ] listen, listen, he still does that, yes -- every day. >> what do i do? what do i do? >> i'm not talking to you. i'm not talking to you. uh, oh, huh? well, listen, just come on by later, okay? okay, okay. all right, bye. ha ha ha! ooh! >> who was that, baby? >> that was bernice. >> bernice? that big mouth from college?

>> yes, that was her. >> wait, aunt bernice is coming by? >> she is not your auntie. >> well, she's just like an aunt. she spent more money on our birthday gifts than you did. >> that's because she like you more than i did. >> well, we could always use an extra woman in the game, especially with the way you all cheat. >> we don't cheat. >> yes, you do. >> oh, yes, you do. harry potter is not the wizard of oz. >> he was a wizard. >> okay, but magic johnson doesn't really do magic. >> on the court. >> ha! great. yeah, it don't make a difference anyway. look here, that bernice is not coming to this party. she will ruin the game, ella! >> curtis, you're just mad that if we win -- >> when we win. >> ...when we win, you'll have to put on that patti labelle wig and go to the mall again. ha ha ha! >> ahh. i ain't mad about nothing. whatever. all i know is, big-mouth bernice is not coming to the doggone party, and y'all not gonna win. how about that? so i ain't got to worry about

it. >> we're not gonna win, huh? that's what you said last year, but y'all lost. how did you come up with whoopi goldberg being in "schindler's list"? >> her name was goldberg. >> so? [ male announcer ] you like to try new things. now we have bold new tastes like never before. you like things made by hand. we're now grilling up freshly made egg-whites. you like to cool down. we just added a refreshing new smoothie. you get wrapped up in things. we're introducing new delicious ways for you to eat. there's no one quite like you. now more than ever, there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. be in our ad. go to imlovinit.com but i don't love chlorine bleach. ...see this? this is what bleach did to my favorite dress... ...oh, but i don't see a dress. nope. exactly, because using bleach over time made it dingy so i threw it out.

...but now i use tide plus bleach with boost vivid and my whites stay whiter than with bleach. why don't you try on that invisible dress? oh, dan. [ female announcer ] reintroducing tide plus bleach alternative. for incredible whites without the harshness of chlorine bleach. [ jen ] that's my tide for brilliant whites. [ dan ] what's yours? >> oh, thank you, babe. curtis, i cannot wait to catch up with bernice and just see what she's doing now. >> why don't you catch up with her over the phone, okay? make her one of your top 5. >> curtis, i would rather talk to bernice in person. >> i don't know why. ain't nothing changed about her. you know she's still got the same big mouth and the same big head. probably the same big pain in the butt. >> just like somebody else i know. >> now, it's not your average game night. >> really? >> no, no, i mean, it is very serious. the last time the men lost, had to all get bikini waxes. >> what? >> yes. >> hey, come on, c.j., is it really that serious? >> oh, it's serious. it's very serious, so get ready. >> okay.

>> are you ready? >> i don't know, c.j. to tell you the truth, i'm getting a little scared. >> oh, no, no, don't get scared. don't worry about that. i mean, everything's gonna be okay, all right? >> yeah. >> let me give you a little something just to make sure you're okay. >> okay. >> aah! gotcha. gotcha. ooh, i caught you. boy, you a slick one. you a slick one, boy. look at her eyes. you can tell in the eyes. come on, man! wake up! you can't let this woman trick you like that. come on! first they get you all wound up with their womanly ways. the next thing you know, bam! you serving her all day long. you better wake it up! that's the enemy. you heard me? now, come on! cut her loose! >> tanya. >> you should be ashamed of yourself. >> you should be ashamed of yourself. >> forgive my uncle. he gets a little intense during game night. >> grr! >> hey, pops. >> hey, mr. payne. >> oh, look, it's back again and born again. so, what'd you steal today, huh?

what'd you steal today, huh? >> now, mr. payne, i told you i don't do that anymore. >> come on, what'd you get? come on, come on. don't be like that. you under a 90-day probationary period with me, sister. no, you did right. get it up. move it over. and you don't need to get comfortable, 'cause we about to have a meeting. y'all got to roll. >> yeah, yeah, tanya and miranda, you guys need to go and study in the kitchen with your teammates. >> study what? >> how to lose. get out. >> okay, baby. >> bye, c.j. >> ooh, you a slick one! >> bye, gumdrop. >> bye, baby. [ chuckles ] >> whir. whir. whir. >> i swear. who knew penguins could be so evil? >> if it ain't the baller and

the beast. >> hello to you, too, uncle curtis. >> bryan, you can stay. janine, come on, you gotta go. >> stay for what? >> we're planning our game strategies. >> like that's gonna help. bryan, it can get a little bit crazy in here. if you need me, i will be right in the kitchen. >> all right, baby. >> you ain't moving fast enough. come on, y'all ready? >> oh, we ready. i'm ready. >> let's do the thing, then. >> you ready, cal? >> i'm pumped. you ready, bryan? >> i think so. what happens if we lose? >> lose? man, we ain't gonna lose. let me tell you, when we win, the women are gonna have to cook, clean, and bow down to us for a whole day, brother. >> that's the man law. >> man law! >> i love being a man. >> know that's right. now, look here. man, you can't let these women sidetrack you, you heard me? >> that's right. >> you can't do it. you got to be focused. >> all: focused. >> you got to be ready. >> all: ready. >> you got to be prepared. >> all: prepared. >> even if you gotta chicken walk. >> no, we not gonna chicken walk. >> you chicken walk if you gotta

chicken walk. you gonna chicken walk. you know why? because you are soldiers! you heard me? put it in there. we gonna do this, ain't we? we got this, don't we? >> yeah. >> do we have this, men? >> all: yeah! >> all right, then. 3, 2, 1. >> all: huh! >> cookies ready! >> oh, we gotta -- >> oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> what are you doing? calvin! get back over here. it's a trap. get me a couple of oatmeal-raisin cookies. and some chocolate milk. the big glass. >> okay, ladies, so, um, i know scary movies, and i know kids' films. >> oh, good, good, good, good. i got everything in the blaxploitation era. >> the what? >> you know --"shaft," them. >> oh, "shaft." >> oh, okay, good deal. >> you know, i can help out with that, because i know everything from "blacula" to jack black. >> ooh, good. good, good, good, good, good. >> okay, but hold on. jack isn't black. >> uh-uh. >> so... >> no, i know that, but i mean, his hair is.

just listen, just trust me. i know everything black. >> okay, all right, um, okay, i will take -- i'll take science fiction. all right? i'm good at science fiction. and every movie with morris chestnut and the rock. >> ooh. >> ahh, 'cause they are fine. >> fine. >> fine. fine. >> well, they are not as fine as my calvin. [ laughter ] >> okay, we see you have comedy down pat. >> [ laughs ] >> all right, all right. okay, bryan, you're in charge of all the sports titles. >> can't i have romantic comedies instead? what? football player can't have a sensitive side? >> look, i'll take all action movies, all right? animation and fantasy. >> yeah, and then i'll finish them off with the westerns. >> no, no, that's not a good idea. janine loves westerns. she watches them all the time. she saw "brokeback mountain" like 5 times. >> yeah, that was a good movie.

i bought the dvd. for my mother. [ doorbell rings ] >> scaring the mess out of me. [ knocking on door ] [ doorbell rings ] i'm coming! look who's here. it's mighty mouth. >> oh, hey, curtis, i see you still living large -- real large. >> i knew i heard you! hey, babe. >> both: oh, whoo, whoo, whoo! [ laughter ] >> oh, i'm so glad you made it! oh, you're looking good. >> calvin. >> hey, aunt bernice. >> oh, hey, honey! aww! >> aunt bernice, how you doing? >> hey, there, c.j. >> she is not your aunt. >> oh, shut up, curtis. >> yeah, shut up, curtis. come on, let's go in the kitchen. >> oh, honey. >> what y'all doing? >> okay, okay, where were we? >> all right, all right.

hey. calvin, did you check out the best of jamie foxx like i told you to? >> yep, i got you covered. i watched "booty call" twice. >> come on, guys, you know this one. come on, come on, mrs. payne! you know this! >> time! >> oh! >> time's up, time's up. >> janine, baby, it's your turn. >> okay. all right, ladies, we need this one, okay? ready? uh-uh, 'cause your face is cracked and on the ground. >> oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, "boomerang"! >> "do the right thing." >> time's up, time's up. >> time's up. >> ladies, "school daze." the girl in the window. >> oh, she was so cute! >> yeah, but i heard she was hard to work with. >> don't worry, ladies. they will not get this one. >> let's see. ooh. >> [ chuckles ] >> oh, okay. oh, good luck, baby. good luck, baby. >> okay, fellas. [ clears throat ]

say hello to my little friend. >> oh! that's too easy! that is too easy! come on! every gangsta knows that that is.. >> all: all pacino in "scarface." >> [ imitating machine gun ] >> uhh. >> wait a minute. so, c.j., now, you're a gangsta? >> what, you better check my gangsta card. check my gangsta card. ha! >> better put your library card away. >> let's get back to the game. >> we need a double feature this time because we need the points, okay? >> all right. >> so, ladies, man up. >> okay, here we go. we got this, we got this. >> let's do it. >> okay, here. okay, on this one, you gotta give the actor's name, title of the movie, and the year. >> i mean, if you gonna double up, you gotta double up. >> ha ha. we got this. >> okay. >> okay. >> all right, here we go. [ clears throat ] we didn't land on plymouth rock. plymouth rock landed on us. [ cheering ] >> we got it! we got it! >> uh. uh. uh. uh-huh.

denzel washington. "malcolm x." 1992. wha. uh-uh. uh. and i know this because denzel is... >> all: fi-i-ine. >> that was a lucky guess. come on, calvin, come on. let's go. let's go, big fella. they almost got this. >> let's knock it down. >> okay, fellas, okay, fellas, this is for the win. >> okay. >> oh, please. >> may the force be with you. >> oh. >> you got it, right? >> yeah, we got it. >> that's, uh... "the phantom menace." >> wasn't it "empire strikes back"? >> come on, guy, come on, man. what are you -- why are you -- this is the greatest science fiction of all time. it was, um, um, um, uh, "return of the jedi." final answer. >> now. >> curtis, you're an idiot. it's obi-wan kenobi in "star wars." remember, that's the movie we

watched the night we got busy? >> ooh? ♪ ♪ all the goodness of milk, all the deliciousness of hershey's syrup. a totally different breed of chocolate cereal. ♪ wicked crunch outside, smooth chocolate inside.

krave cereal. chocolate chocolate... yum yum!

even after you eat and drink? well i do. it's new colgate total® mouthwash. the germ killing shield works for 12 hours. new colgate total® mouthwash. 12 hour protection against germs. even after eating and drinking!

>> [ chuckles ] you did wh-- you did what? >> man, you got a big mouth. >> okay, i'm really thirsty. tanya, you -- you thirsty? >> yes. yes, i'm -- i'm very thirsty. janine, come on. i'm sure you're very thirsty, too. >> yep. yep. you know, i think we're all kind of thirsty. you -- you should come on and get something for your thirst, bryan. it's really good. >> yeah, i'm right behind you. >> okay, i'll take some water with some ice in it. >> make that two. >> miranda and calvin, get your butts in here. >> you in trouble. >> now, what did you just say? >> i'm sorry, ella. i-i thought you knew. >> you thought i knew what? you thought i knew that my best

friend and my boyfriend got busy behind my back? >> now, ella, calm down. no, this was before you and curtis started going out. i mean, he was just a meaningless fling. >> bernice, why didn't you tell me? you're my friend. >> i-i was scared. you know how you used to be before you got saved. [ chuckles ] you were nothing to play with. >> you couldn't play with her then, boy, before she got saved. >> bang. >> oh, y'all got jokes? oh, this is funny? this is funny? >> i wasn't laughing, baby. she was laughing. [ door slams ] ugh! hey, hey, baby, i'm gonna wait out here till you come back -- till you come back out. i love you. >> i don't see what ella sees in

you. >> the same thing you did. >> so, um, that was interesting. >> i can't believe uncle curtis slept with aunt bernice. >> [ chuckles ] pops was a playa-playa. now i understand where i get it from. >> excuse me, playa? >> oh, that was before we were together. >> you know the problem? the problem is men only think about themselves. >> so true. >> mm-hmm. >> what? women do it, too. come on, uncle curtis wasn't by himself -- aunt bernice was in there right with him. >> women are a trip. you know how many women throw themselves at me just because i played football? i mean, do i look like a piece of meat to you? >> yeah. >> i don't see why mom's so bent out of shape. i mean, it happened before they were together, so technically, it's not cheating. >> okay, well, what's with all the secrecy, okay? if it was out in the open, it should have been out in the open. >> exactly. >> well, you know, sometimes people don't always put

everything out in the open. >> okay. all right. here we go, c.j. let's just do it. you want to bring up the past? let's talk about me being on crack, or let's talk about -- ooh, it's better if we talk about me burning down the house. or better yet, let's talk about the story of me stealing aunt ella's fur coat. why do you have to keep bringing up the past stuff, huh? why do we have to go there? >> actually, i wasn't gonna say any of that. >> okay. >> you -- you were on -- on crack? >> open up this door! baby. come on, ella. come on, baby. we -- we apologized. we're sorry, all right? >> yeah. ella, honey, i never meant to hurt you. girl, curtis isn't worth losing our friendship over. >> yeah. i'm not worth it. ohh! i'm so sick of you.

why'd you open your big mouth in the first place, huh? i wish i had a taser gun. >> oh, i've got one at you... i'll get my razor on you in a heartbeat. >> you have not changed a bit... >> you haven't changed... >> aah! she packing. >> oh, lord. >> [ speaking indistinctly ] >> curtis, get up. >> i was just talking... >> he don't hear you. okay, i am carrying this bible because i just don't want to lose myself. >> listen, ella. we can explain. >> oh, please. you should have explained 30 years ago. >> well, actually, i totally forgot about it. it's not like it was worth remembering. >> look, baby, look. back then, i wanted to grow old with you -- i knew that. first time we dated, i knew it. but i just thought that if you found out about that, i wouldn't grow old.

[ chuckles ] woman, don't you know i love you? don't you know that? i'm gonna spend the rest of my life with you forever. come on. come on with that. you forgive me? >> yes, baby. i love you, and i forgive you. >> yes! [ growls ] [ kisses ] >> curtis. so the past is the past? >> what about me? >> you know you're my girl. but you should have told me. >> i know. i know. you're right. i'm just -- girl, i'm just happy that i didn't say anything about you and eddie "six-pack" jenkins. [ laughter ] oh, no. >> w-what about eddie? eddie jenkins -- my teammate eddie jenkins? >> i have to go to the bathroom.

where is it? oh, it must be here. >> so, what the hell is this about eddie? >> i don't know what she talking about. >> so she just came out the blue with eddie jenkins? >> i don't know what she talking about. >> come on, girl. i saved you a seat. >> [ laughs ] >> i don't know why you try to play so wholesome when you was just born again last week. what has it been -- seven days since you was headed to hell? >> oh! oh, you want to talk? you a non-graduating, fake hustler, playa wannabe. you know what? at least i made money off my hustle. you still living with your parents. >> how you gonna say something like that? >> how can you say it's none of my business? >> because it isn't any of your business. and why do you keep trying to act like such a victim? "oh, these women keep throwing themselves..." >> wait a minute. wait a minute. don't jump all over bryan. you were the one who just put your business out there like that. he was just trying to help. >> okay, but, see, i didn't ask him for help, and i don't need

yours now. >> oh, now, janine, just wait a minute, okay? now you're jumping on c.j. you did -- you sat right here, and you just told everybody your business. don't jump on c.j. >> and i thank you for that. >> yes. and, bryan, you need to keep tabs on this one right here. >> c.j., please. keep tabs on yourself. and i wasn't talking to you -- uh, what's your name? -- miranda. >> what? >> you are so... >> yeah, yeah. don't just be jumping on people. why are you getting on her? >> hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! hey!! what's with all the yelling? >> yeah. you need to calm down in here. now, i don't know what happened, but you guys need to get it together. >> yeah. you're lovely couples. now, don't let curtis' problem become your problem. >> they're right. i'm sorry. >> yeah. yeah, they are. >> hey, sit down. i'm sorry, okay? you're not a mooching, wannabe, fake hustler playa, okay?

>> yes, he is. >> i forgive you, baby. >> okay. >> bryan, i completely understand why women throw themselves at you. you're a great guy, and i shouldn't have yelled. do you have anything you want to say to me? >> seriously, baby... you were on crack? >> bryan! ♪ [ male announcer ] some people lift your spirits... the same way the smooth, creamy taste of coffee-mate... makes coffee and your day better. coffee-mate. coffee's perfect mate.

everything is better with sabra hummus. observe... little carrot. little bit of hummus. oh, lonely wing... well we have got the perfect match for you. shiny knife. oh, you had me going there for a second. of course you can't beat the classics. delish... sabra hummus. come on. dip life to the fullest. ♪

over $8.00 a meal. dinner out is come on. dip life to the fullest. this digiorno dinner from walmart is less than $2.30 a serving. replacing one pizza dinner out a week saves your family of 4 over $1,200 a year. save money. live better. walmart. >> uh, hello. is this eddie jenkins -- eddie "six-pack" jenkins?

well, this is curtis payne, ella thompson's husband, and i'm letting you know that when i finish my 12-pack, i'm coming to whup your behind! you heard? okay, now i call him. [ male announcer ] you know what's so awesome about the internet? it gets more and more entertaining every day.

and once you've got verizon fios, that's when you get it -- how 100% fiber optics takes your entertainment to ridiculous levels. i was streaming videos, movies, music. once i realized how fast it was, that's when i got it. [ male announcer ] want to upgrade your entertainment? switch to a fios triple play online for just $89.99 a month guaranteed for two years plus your choice of a $300 amazon.com gift card or a $300 visa prepaid card with a 2-year agreement. fios brings 100% fiber optic power right to your door. that's why it delivers america's fastest, most reliable internet for blazing fast movie downloads and smooth streaming video playback. plus get unbeatable tv picture quality. so switch to fios for just $89.99 a month guaranteed for 2 years, and your choice of a $300 amazon.com gift card or a $300 visa prepaid card with a 2-year agreement. visit verizon.com/hotbonus call the verizon center for this amazing deal. for customers with disabilities at 800.974.6006 tty/v. technology that makes life more entertaining, that's powerful.

doug, i'm gonna miss my train. what time is it?aining, would you relax? you have plenty of time. okay, that clock only has one hand. oh, yeah. all right, what time is it on the coffee maker? oh, well, the coffee maker is mountain standard time, plus, it's 5 minutes fast, so that would make it, uh... i can't do this. all right, the microwave says it's 7:10. that's good. 7:09, 7:08. oh, that's my egg pocket. i can't be late for work. what does your watch say? it's not a watch. it just counts my steps. holy crap, i'm at 32. i gotta slow it down. thank you. ♪ my eyes are gettin' weary ♪ ♪ my back is gettin' tight ♪ i'm sittin' here in traffic ♪ ♪ on the queensboro bridge tonight ♪ ♪ but i don't care, 'cause all i want to do ♪

♪ is cash my check and drive right home to you ♪ ♪ 'cause, baby, all my life ♪ ♪ i will be drivin' home to you ♪ captioning made possible by sony pictures television

so, julie comes in every morning at 10:00, and leaves at 4:00, and leaves me with all her freakin' work. i should report her, right? can i offer a little advice about this? i mean, i don't want to be a rat, but... she is annoying. and on top of that, she has the worst hair, so... may i, darling-- dad--dad, please. okay? all right, honey, i don't know what i'm gonna do. i'll just figure it out. okay, bye-bye.

okay, i think i can help you with this julie thing. if you want to help me, finish your dinner, 'cause i have to meet doug at the movies. i dealt with this type of character when i was a production assistant on a little show called sesame street. you worked on sesame street? sure. from march of '76 to mid-march of '76. anyway, i can't name names, but i had a similar situation with a large bird with an even bigger ego. big bird? you said it. i didn't. all right, is there a point to this, dad? i've had close to 200 jobs in my life, so i know a thing or two about office politics. now, do you have access to firearms? okay. i'm not gonna shoot her. i never said "shoot." just let her know you mean business. come on. eat your beets now. i will not eat my beets! why is it, day after day, i offer you sound advice on how to fix your pathetic life, and you reject it every time?