brutal. you see? just go get ready. unfortunate timing, too. i just fell into 2 tickets to the knicks/lakers game tonight. really? how did you get those? they were a gift from my friend willy over at swifty's dry cleaners. apparently, his regular client, a certain mr. latrell sprewell, had a nasty cranberry juice stain on his felt hat which willy was able to remove. willy happens to owe me a favor. long story short-- section 4, row "a." i'm sorry you couldn't make it. carrie, knicks/lakers. all right. fine. go. thank you. i love you. i'm in, baby. this is awkward. truth be told, i don't know anyone named willy. i only made up the story to taunt you, and it obviously backfired on me. my apologies. that was a rough one.

ice cream. cone? ice cream. chocolate, vanilla, scoop, dessert. da da da a da. ice cream. flavors, um, sundae, tom carvel, cookie-puss. come on! i need more here! ice creeeeam. i mean another word, doug. time's up! [laugh] what the hell was it? it was truck. ice cream truck. you know, good humor with the bell? it was a good clue. doug, you drive a truck for a living. how about, "what i drive for a living?" that would've been another way to go, yes. all right. what's the score? what's the score? ok. it's 18 for you guys and 19 for us. uh, 25 wins, so next round's for the money. whoa, whoa, whoa. where are we? let's just say you're well in third. yeah. well, that's ok. this is where we make our move. that's right, sweetie. all right. you ready there, rich? flip it.

clock's tickin'. how about a clue, rich? say something. time! it was turtle. so why didn't you give me a clue? i thought of a good one, but it had the word turtle in it. all right. good strategy. well, folks, this could be it. for the win. bring it. you ready? yeah. go. a famous ruin in italy. tower of pisa. nassau... the colosseum! yeah. peppermint... peppermint, peppermint twist! peppermint schnapps! deacon: yes. the colorado... river! no. colorado... time! was it rockies? yeah, but, man, i thought we had more time than that. yeah. it goes fast, doesn't it? ok. honey, come on. our turn! our turn!

hey, it turned out to be a fun night after all, huh? yes. fun night. yep. yeah. especially 'cause it looked like we were gonna lose, and then, boom! turned itself right around, out of nowhere. yeah. by the way, i promised kelly a rematch at our house on friday. is that cool? oh, yeah. yeah, sure. you know what i really love about being married to you? not having to pay for sex? yeah. yeah, that's good, too. no, uh, what i meant was that we're always there for each other. you know, to talk... to admit stuff. why? you, uh, you have something you want to admit? me? uh, yeah. yes. yes. as a matter of fact, yes, i do. well, what is it? uh, well, tonight, at deacon and kelly's--

yeah? i... i stole a bar of soap. you stole soap? why? well, it wasn't just a regular bar of soap. it was one of those nice decorative ones, looked like a seashell. had to have it. so, where is it? um, it's, uh, it's gone. i washed my hands with it and now it's gone. so you didn't actually steal it. you just used it. well, either way, i was very, very wrong. i wouldn't worry too much about it. phew. feels good to get that off my chest. man, what a relief. once again, i'm good with the man upstairs! ahem. how about you? got anything? no.

every day you stain it. so every day, use crest 3d white toothpaste to remove up to 90% of surface stains in just 5 days. no wonder the number one whitening brand is crest 3d white.

no wonder the number one whitening brand this summer, new york state is back and open for business. with endless beaches, hundreds of miles for hiking...or biking. endless rivers and streams ready to take your breath away. and more than enough wineries to please every pallet. we're ready to make your new york state vacation perfect. there's never been a better time to vacation in new york state. plan your vacation at iloveny.com the new state of new york. welcome.

has motionsense activated by your movement, the more you move the more it protects. ♪ do more. ♪ degree. it won't let you down. causing dark marks to become visible. dove has the effective solution. dove® cleartone™ anti-perspirant. the result? underarms with visibly reduced dark marks and an even tone. try dove cleartone.

and an even tone. so, when we're driving home, i gave her every possible chance to come clean, and nothin'! you know? like it never happened. she just sat there like ice. i don't know. you think i'm making too much of this? what do you think? oh, i don't know. maybe i'd have more of an opinion if i'd been invited to this little game night. don't look at me, all right? kelly put the whole thing together. i had nothing to do with it. and believe me, you're lucky you missed it. oh, yeah. i feel lucky. i got to stay home, eat cheetos, and watch the e-true hollywood story of leif garrett. will you listen to me? it was a couples thing. ok? you and a furby don't count. now, will you just give me your opinion? fine. i--i think you're overreacting. so, she cheated at a board game. that's not so terrible. see? you just don't get it, do you? i've been with her for 6 years. i thought i knew her. i thought i knew everything about her. now i feel like i hardly know her at all. i mean, if we went on the newlywed game, we'd--we'd come in last.

actually first, 'cause she'd probably cheat. this is just so weird. i don't know what the hell's going on here. wait a minute. i know what the problem is. what? i made a comment to kelly last week, and i think she took it racially. that's why she didn't invite me! it was delicious fried chicken. i shouldn't say anything? hey! hey. you're late. yeah. i just, uh, stopped off and had a beer with spence. oh, yeah? yeah. we were just talking, just chit-chattin'. do you know he's got a third nipple? wow. that's a weird one.

yeah. threw me, too. listen, i'm, uh, kind of beat. so i'm just gonna grab a beer and hang out in the living room till dinner. you all right with that? sure. you can also pee if you want. you don't have to ask. ha. i might take you up on that. man, my pockets are just stuffed. so i'm gonna leave everything here for now. if that's all right, you know? what have we got in here? gosh, i got some keys... well, what else? ooh, jolly rancher gum. look at that. you ever chew this stuff? i know why he's jolly. and all this bundle of cash. gosh, i don't even know how much is there, you know? who's got time to count nowadays? uh-huh. anyhoo, all right, uh, so i'm gonna go crash on the couch now. you do what you gotta do, and you and i, we'll-- we'll regroup later, ok? you got it, butch. [laughs] ok. hey!

what's up? forgot my beer. nothing like a little alcohol to pull you under, huh? i got a beer. oh, my god! what are you doing? i think the question is, what are you doing? i'm trying to cook dinner. oh, really? what are we having, cash foo yung? i was just moving your crap. what the hell is going on? why are you watching me? because... i saw you cheat at game night. what? what are you talking about? that's crazy. carrie, i saw you do it. i saw you flip over the timer when deacon and kelly were about to win. what? would you-- would you stop it?

it fell, and i put it back, maybe the wrong way. yeah. fell. ok. then how do you explain you picking up the card, looking at it, and putting it back, huh? i--i did not. excuse me, you gave me a good clue, so i got the answer. oh, please. ok? the word was "snorkel," and my clue was "that curvy thing." you see, i got the image. we had a good thing going there. carrie! all right. fine. so, i turned over the timer and looked at the stupid card. big deal. you don't think it's a big deal? you know what? let me tell you something, i think it is a big deal because i've been walking around here for the last 2 days, worried that my wife is some sneaky, shifty little sicko. oh, so that's why you decided to lay your trap for me with your enticing $12 in singles, huh? where--where are the video cameras, huh? ooh, are you wired? all right. all right. now, stop it. ok? listen to me! all right. that was stupid. i admit it, but... i--i--i was worried about you. you were worried about me? maybe you should worry about yourself, buddy boy.

what do you mean? excuse me? when we go to the sizzler, you don't steal from the salad bar? uh, any shrimp that falls on the ice is up for grabs. and besides, the sizzlers are not our friends. look, doug, did anybody get hurt? no. we all had a good time, and we'll all have a good time again this friday, so just drop it. ok? having another game night on friday? yeah. damn. what? well, i was feeling badly about my cruel practical joke the other night regarding the knicks. so as a gesture of good will, i went down to the garden, and i purchased 2 tickets for friday night's game. really? that was very nice of you, arthur. mind you, they're not great seats, but they're the best i could do on such short notice. unfortunately, i didn't know you had another game night scheduled. you know what? i don't feel very much like going to game night on friday, so count me in, my little friend.

once again, this is awkward. game night. let's get things rollin'. kelly: how about some "oppo-zoppo?" "the game where opposites attract." what else you got? well, we got "naught-t," where the letter "t" is taboo, or "baby talk," which is actually too annoying to even consider. uh, "oppo-zoppo" sounds fun. all right. well, let's just oppo some zoppo. you know what? who says we have to play board games at all? hey, you guys wanna light bags of dog crap and leave 'em on people's porches? what are you talking about? we had fun last time. yeah. besides, you can't just win and walk away. we got--we got business to take care of. [all boasting] guys! guys. guys. guys. guys. guys. i, um, i have--i have a confession to make. um, last week, when we were playing, i... i think i may have cheated.

actually, i did cheat. i did. you cheated? how did you cheat? well, i flipped over the timer. i looked at a card. i told you one of your right answers was wrong. i just got caught up. it was really stupid. i'm very sorry. it's ok. carrie, don't even worry about. it's a game. it's not a big deal. yeah. it's no big deal. you know? so you guys are not mad? no. no. no. come on. how could we be mad? you're carrie. kelly: it's really fine, hon. really fine. richie: let's "oppo-zoppo!" deacon: let's do this! box. box... spring. "oppo-zoppo." fall. yeah! yay! whoo! guess you found your game, rich. yeah. i was beginning to think you didn't have one. well, any game that gets donna jumping up and down is the game for me. oh, stop. you guys are 2 points away from winning. get out of here. let me see that.

kelly: you've got 48. they got 40. we only have 36. deacon: we better get on it. kelly: yeah, baby. [all saying good-byes] we had a great time. not a problem. great. good-bye. you guys are 2 & 0, but next time you're going down. you know where we live. it's just a game. who cares who wins, right? bye-bye. what the hell is wrong with you? i don't know! you're unbelievable! peeking at cards, moving our thing extra spaces, you know, once i started to look for it, it was quite a show. and what was that whole confession thing about, huh? was that just to throw 'em off track? no. i meant that! you know, when i said it. and then you still cheated. well, i wouldn't have had to if you had given me one decent clue. oh, now i understand. so, it's my poor "oppo-zoppo" skills that have forced you to become a pathological liar. got it! i am not a liar. i'm a cheater. my bad. what do you want from me, huh? i agree with you. i know this is wrong.

it's just that when we're in the heat of the game, something comes over me. i can't stand the thought of losing, so i just--i snap. you know, it's just stupid. at least i understand why you always beat me at scrabble. huh? oh, actually, that's all you. you were right. i am just a sneaky little shifty... what did you call me-- a dingo? no. a sicko. sicko. you're not. you're not. all right. look, you're not a dishonest person, carrie. you just have this one very weird problem. well, let's just hope it's just one thing. just in case, watch your back. i will. all right. i have a headache. i'm gonna go upstairs to bed. ok. i'll be up in a little bit. ok. hey, you think i should call everybody and confess again? no. no, please. let's not go back to that well.

what's going on? it's carrie. the weirdest thing. every time we get together with our friends to play board games, she--she cheats. she cheats? my little girl? that's impossible. arthur, i've seen her do it. no. no. she may put some cotton in her bra from time to time, but she does not cheat at board games. she admitted it. really? yeah. huh. that's so unlike her. when she was a little girl, we used to play games all the time. and she was never like this? oh, no. no. goodness no. she was always so sweet, so considerate. oh, the fun we used to have. [sighs] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. you sure you wanna go there, darling? i think so, daddy.

all right, then. you lose. sorry! ha ha! loser! winner! [arthur laughs] too bad, chump. maybe next time! i'm number one! i'm number one! i'm number one! i'm number one! yeah!! oh, the fun we had. good memories. well, sorry i couldn't shed more light on this, douglas. honey, i think i know what's going on! honey! uh-oguess what day it is!is?? huh...anybody? julie! hey...guess what day it is?? ah come on, i know you can hear me.

mike mike mike mike mike... what day is it mike? ha ha ha ha ha ha! leslie, guess what today is? it's hump day. whoot whoot! ronny, how happy are folks who save hundreds of dollars switching to geico? i'd say happier than a camel on wednesday. hump day!!! yay!! get happy. get geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. the next powerful storm is going to hit... but it will... that's why there's a new duracell battery. introducing duracell quantum. with its high density core, it's a quantum leap in battery power. the next storm is out there. but so are the heroes. so we're giving a million duracell quantum to first responders everywhere. power. in the hands of the most powerful. duracell. trusted everywhere.

power. in the hands of the most powerful. he and his mom, natasha, justan. shopped at family dollar to get him ready for school. let's look for the same items and see the difference. come on. here at walmart you saved over $1.50 on crayola colored pencils. wow! love it! not bad for your next picasso huh jordan? ok. you saved over 53 cents here on jif peanut butter at walmart. great savings. wow! you saved 53 cents on expo dry erase markers. not bad. unbelievable! alright. here we go. same items at walmart. and look how much you saved. fantastic! fantastic! wow! save time and money. come see for yourself and see how much you can save. [ woman ] the technology in these pads... best creation ever! [ female announcer ] always infinity. the only pad made with foam not fluff so mind-blowingly thin,

you'll be surprised it's up to 55% more absorbent. genius. always infinity. [ sound fades ] at a moment like this, i'm glad i use tampax pearl. [ female announcer ] tampax pearl protects better. only tampax has a leakguard braid to help stop leaks before they happen. tampax pearl protects better. vo:remember to changew that oil is the it on schedule toy car.. keep your car healthy. show your car a little love with an oil change starting at $19.95.

ahem. you sure you want to move there, darling? i think so. i'm sorry, dear. you seem to have lost, but that's perfectly all right. yes, it is. because i'm still a good and valuable person. indeed you are. that being said-- winner! loser! ok. let's try it again. captioning made possible by sony pictures television captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org-- public performance of captions prohibited without permission of national captioning institute

>> cora, i'm not the one to gossip, but i think sister davis want to become brother davis. >> what are you talking about? a lot of women grow facial hairs when they get older. >> madea had facial hair when she was 15, though. >> but she was hairy. that's madea.

[ door slams ] >> that man. >> oh, lord, speaking of facial hair... >> mr. brown, stop it. hey, miss edna. how you doing? >> i'm mad. >> oh, cora, she got the rabies. come here. you know, they shot old yeller. let me get my gun. we can bust a cap in her. >> wait! what happened? >> the colonel and i had a fight. >> y'all fighting over that razor again. i told you, get your own, 'cause you dull them too fast. you... [imitates scratching] >> no, fat sajak. we're fighting over the fact that that man has a complete lack of respect for me! >> what are you talking about, miss edna? that man loves you enough to want to marry you. >> yeah, that's what i thought until the man committed the cardinal sin. >> edna, you can't say nothing about sin. you done sinned so much, you gonna have to look up to see hell. >> i am serious, brown. >> i'm serious, too! you gonna have to look up! >> don't do that. what did he do? >> i sent that man to the store to get some refreshments, and he had the audacity to bring this back. >> what is -- what is that?

>> fiber. >> fiber? >> i mean, what is he trying to say to me?! >> well, he trying to say you full of -- >> mr. brown! >> it means he thinks i'm old. [ both laugh ] >> maybe that's what he's trying to say! >> wait a minute. whoa, whoa. i don't see what's so funny. >> hold on, let me get a mirror and show you. >> whatever! i'm moving back in. >> over my dead body. >> whatever it takes. i refuse to live with a man who thinks i'm old! >> well, you gonna die alone, then. you gonna die all by yourself. >> mr. brown! >> cora, look at her. she living on borrowed time. she was old 20 years ago. her time is running out. ticktock, ticktock. go!

the wait is over. olive garden's never ending pasta bowl is back. unlimited breadsticks. unlimited salad. never ending bowls of pasta for just $9.99. did i mention it's all unlimited? never ending combinations of pasta and sauce. like new asiago garlic alfredo and even unlimited meatballs, sausage or new chicken fritta for $2.99. the never ending pasta bowl is back. it's all unlimited, but not for long. go olive garden! we're all family here. >> can i please have my old room back? >> sure you can. >> no! i turned it into a gym. >> [ sarcastically ] yeah, right. what did you do, lose your key? >> okay, you gonna be living

back on the street corner, trying to get your old job back. >> oh, mr. brown... >> you a hustler. >> i'm sorry, brown. i-i-i couldn't help myself. please, i need a place to lay my head. >> okay. cora, go turn on the oven. [ pounding on door ] >> edna! edna, i know you're in there! >> aww. isn't that romantic? he's coming to claim his woman. >> oh, quick, give her to him before the moon change and she turn into a wolf or something. it's a full moon. >> i refuse to talk to that man. >> [ muttering ] colonel, come get this thing. >> oh, there you are. look, edna, come on home. >> yes, edna, shoo. go on home. please, just go back home. >> stay out of this, brown! >> if you stay out my house, i stay out your business! i'm trying to get you to stay out! get out. >> well, he asked you to come home, miss edna. >> well, he sure took his good time showing up. >> well, i would've been here sooner, but i had a couple of those fiber tablets. >> that's your stomach i hear? >> now, come on. >> not until you apologize. >> apologize for what, edna?

>> for calling me old. >> well, i never called you old! >> you brought me those fiber things. >> well, i take fiber tablets. >> yeah, because you're old. >> well, i don't care. now, i'm gonna ask you one more time. edna, come home. >> i can't come home. >> yes, you can. if you click your hooves together 3 times and say, "there's no place like home. there's no place like home." [ imitates horse ] >> nope. not until he apologizes. >> no, i'm not apologizing for something i didn't do. >> then i'm not budging. >> fine. >> fine. >> colonel, you ain't got -- somebody gonna say "sorry" or something. >> miss edna, he's your fiancé. you can't treat him like that. >> i can, and i will. i refuse to go home with a man who does not give me my proper respect. >> edna, you've been going home with men for a long time that didn't respect you.

>> renee, you got my check? >> sure do. >> what?! what the devil you looking at my check for? >> just checking it out. >> how's your six kids and your seven baby daddies? >> it's only four and four. >> well, tell all of them i said, "hey." what y'all -- what y'all -- oh, somebody died? y'all not gonna tell their families, are you? donate the organs to charity! >> mr. brown... >> uh, uh, sasha, can you prescribe me something to get rid of edna? 'cause she getting on my nerves at the house. >> guess what. >> what? >> that's illegal. >> no, no, not nothing like that. i just want something to just shoot her and tranquilize her. maybe we could use a tranquilizer dart and shoot her in the neck. then i can get her in a wheelbarrow and dump her by the church. you know, they take care of orphans. >> mr. brown, i can't help you with that. >> why not? >> because miss edna's probably just missing the comforts of her old home. >> oh, well. that's it! you know what? i'm gonna make her uncomfortable at my house. i'm gonna be loud, obnoxious, and rude to her, and that'll get

rid of her. >> that's it, mr. brown. be yourself. >> yes, yes. >> be all that you can be. >> you're a genius. >> be yourself. girl, you're a genius. >> work it out. >> most pretty girls are stupid. but you -- you -- you bright or something. all right, i'll see you at church. bible study start at 7:00. >> i'll be there. >> all right. you know you lying. you ain't coming. you're a sinner. [ telephone ringing ] >> renee? are you gonna get that? >> my nails are wet. thanks. >> nurses' station. oh, yeah, she's here. renee, it's one of your sons. >> ooh. could you? my... thank you. hey. hey, baby. no, wait a minute. hold up! slow down! i can't hardly hear you. because she not holding the phone correctly. >> you know what? all yours. >> you know what? that is so unprofessional. hello? what you say? no, the cable is in your name, the phone's in your brother's name. bye. [ receiver clicks ]

>> okay, troy, would you stop it? >> troy? >> troy -- um, dr. crane. you know, he has been playing jokes on all the nurses today. >> not me. >> shut up, renee. shush. >> what, you don't know my hands by now? >> baby, of course i know your hands. look, i've just been a little, um, preoccupied because we've got a lot of stuff -- you know, a lot of stuff going on around here. >> we ain't doing nothing. >> okay, renee, ain't it time for your break? >> yep. i'm on break. shh. >> honey, um, so, how did it go? >> oh, i mean, it -- it went great. >> yeah? >> i'm officially reinstated. >> you are? >> yes. >> oh, my god, baby, i'm so happy for you. >> [ chuckles ] not as happy as i am. look, dr. crane came through just like you said he would. here comes the man. >> no, you the man. >> no, no, no. you the man! ha ha ha! sweetheart, this man single-handedly saved our

household. >> well, i wouldn't say all that. >> and neither would i. >> [ chuckles ] sasha, don't be like that. okay, look here, i'm late for surgery. good to have you back, dr. brown. >> hey, it's good to be back, dr. crane. what's all that about? why you hating on dr. crane? >> what, you talking about him? yeah, well, he's just trying to be nice for working my nurses so hard lately. >> well, speaking of working, you gonna be working with me tonight. and the way i'm feeling, you just might be pulling a double. >> ooh, baby, i like the sound of that. [ giggling ] >> she is nasty. >> i have been on this phone forever. your recorder says that my call is important to you. but you don't act like it. what? all right, i'll hold. >> edna, i need to use the phone. [ music plays on television ] >> i thought you had to use