the phone. >> yeah, i wanted to use it so you can get up off of it so i can watch this game on tv. >> hey, hey, hey! i was watching that. >> well, now you watching this. you go home, you can watch whatever you want to watch on your tv. >> yeah, but he's over there. >> that ain't my business. come on, boy, run. run! >> forget you. let me catch up on my reading. >> i bet you, if one of them pit bulls was chasing you, you'd be running fast. run! >> since when did you become a football fan? >> i've been watching football all my life. you know, we hit three home runs just the other day. bottom of the ninth inning, knocked them out the park, and it was the first down. come on! run! run! hit them out. hit it over the net. excuse me. i'm trying to stretch out. >> yuck! get your dogs off of me! come on! >> help! help! help! >> come on! come on! >> i ain't scared of you. >> what is all this noise down here?! what is it?! stop!

what is going on?! what are y'all doing?! >> cora, this dude tried to hit your daddy. >> he put his nasty feet on me! >> mr. brown, is this true? >> cora, i was sitting here on my couch, minding my own business, getting comfortable like men do in they own house, and this dude struck me! come on! >> oh, just like the colonel, huh? i suppose he's getting a little too comfortable, too! that's why i'm not going anywhere, and the wedding is off! >> what? >> you a liar. >> mr. brown... >> she can't stay here. >> you made it worse, didn't you? >> yeah. cora... [ mom ] with my little girl, every food is finger food. so i can't afford to have germy surfaces. but after one day's use, dishcloths can redeposit millions of germs. so ditch your dishcloth and switch to a fresh sheet of new bounty duratowel. look! a fresh sheet of bounty duratowel leaves this surface cleaner than a germy dishcloth, as this black light reveals. it's durable, cloth-like and it's 3 times cleaner.

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>> [ chuckling ] i can't wait to see you, too. [ chuckles ] okay. yeah. okay, see you soon. bye-bye. >> oh, so, you and the colonel are making up, huh? >> um, that wasn't the colonel. i was talking to a friend. >> oh, miss edna, you back to your old ways? >> no. i mean, the night is young. >> oh, miss edna, i don't understand. the colonel came by here and asked you to come back. what's wrong now? >> he didn't ask me. he told me. and i didn't appreciate it. >> morning, ladies. >> good morning, will. >> morning. >> you know, it is a great day to be going back to work. >> i am glad you got your job back, will. god is good! >> all the time. >> yes, he is. whoo! that's good. >> hey, uh, you still have the

information to that florist? i want to get sasha some flowers. >> oh, yeah, it's on the fridge right there. ooh! but -- oh, flowers are so romantic. don't you think so, miss edna? >> ugh. >> "ugh"? what's wrong with her? >> don't ask. everything. >> [ chuckles ] yeah, i figured flowers were the least i can do, since sasha put up with me when i wasn't working. >> what? what about my flowers? you got on my nerves, too. >> wait. wait a minute. now, you gonna assume sasha wants some flowers without even asking her? >> well, if i ask her, then it wouldn't be a surprise. >> right. >> [ chuckles ] anyway, i got to go. >> all right. >> see you, cora. >> all right. bye. >> and bye, miss cruella. >> [ laughs ] i like that! >> ha ha ha. it is not funny. he's trying to control her, too. >> what?! nobody's trying to control nobody, miss edna. you know what? i just figured out what this is all about. you got cold feet. >> i do not. >> you do too.

you know what, miss edna? you've been single for so long, now you're scared to get married. >> i'm scared for someone to try to control me. that's why i'm having a little evening with a friend. >> do you hear yourself? you have a man out there who's willing to commit the rest of his life to you. and you want to throw it away just because he wants you to be regular? >> he thinks i'm old. >> you are old! and you're acting like an old fool right now. >> hey, watch your mouth, cora. >> oh, no, no. wait. now, look, i'm only telling you this because i'm your friend. miss edna, god sent you a good man. don't let your pride get in the way. >> [ sighs ] maybe you have a point. >> well, of course i do. it wouldn't be me if i didn't have a point. >> hey, look i found walking over! >> oh, really? hey, colonel! >> you found me on my couch, brown. >> well, you was thinking about coming over here to walk and talk to edna. i read your mind.

i'm a mind reader. >> maybe i'm the one who should do the talking. colonel, um, i know i've been acting a little ugly lately, but... [ telephone rings ] ...i know how you feel about me, and... >> hello? yeah, she here, but she can't come to the phone right now, because she arguing with -- with colonel. yes, yes, yes, they always arguing. i didn't mean to put you in their business. rodney, do you -- yes. what time? okay, i'll tell her. all right, bye. edna, rodney say he'll be here at 8:00 to pick you up for your date. >> hush! >> "date"? >> honey... >> so, you're back to your old ways again, huh? >> look, i can explain. >> no, you don't have to explain. i'm going home...alone. >> you done hurt him. >> hey, welcome home, baby. >> hello.

>> oh, i love my pretty flowers. >> i'm glad. >> [ chuckles ] >> mwah. ooh, and looking like this, you gonna get a lot more than that. >> okay, okay, well, i got your message, and i'm so excited about dinner. >> me too. >> you know, just you, me -- troy? >> and troy. [ chuckles ] i invited him to dinner with us. >> i tried to say no, but he insisted. >> oh, well, maybe you didn't try hard enough. >> oh, no, he tried hard, but you know how persuasive i can be. >> hmm. >> we were supposed to double, but my date canceled on me. >> so i guess that makes us a threesome. >> no. no, it doesn't. >> well, hey, i got to run upstairs and grab something real quick. i'll be right back. >> okay, troy, what the hell do you think you're doing? >> about to have dinner with you and your husband. >> are you crazy? >> [ chuckles ] sasha, relax. i'm not gonna say anything. >> okay, well, there's nothing to say. >> so why are you so nervous? >> you're enjoying this, aren't you? >> i enjoy dinner with friends.

>> all right. y'all ready to go? >> um, baby, i was actually just telling dr. crane that i'm not really feeling well. i'm kind of tired. so why don't you guys just go and celebrate. >> oh, no, sweetheart. i mean, i want you to be a part of this. >> no, you and i will celebrate whenever you get back. >> you sure? >> yes, i'm positive. >> okay. all right, good night. >> oh. >> good night, sasha. >> mmm. hurry back, baby. >> mm-hmm! >> cora? >> yes? >> i hope this works, 'cause i'm sure sick of edna eating up all the food, watching the tv, and breathing up all my air. >> oh, it's gonna work, mr. brown. nothing brings a couple together like a lovely romantic dinner for two. >> i hope it's a dinner to go

for two, 'cause i'm sick of her. >> oh, miss edna, you look beautiful! >> thank you, cora. >> oh! >> what do you think, brown? >> my mama said, if you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all. i can't resist. why you standing there looking like you looking? ew! look at you! >> hmm. >> you look a mess! >> [ sarcastically ] very funny. [ chuckles ] ah, this is lovely. i sure hope it works. [ chuckles ] >> it will work. what's taking the colonel so long? did you tell him, mr. brown? >> yes. >> well, maybe he's not gonna show. >> he ain't that smart. >> brown! >> oh, speaking of the dummy... hey, dummy. >> what the hell is this? >> what it look like? >> i thought you said we were going bowling. >> i did. i lied. lord forgive me. now, sit down, shut up, and eat dinner. here. sit down! i slaved over a hot microwave.

>> something smells good. >> that's that perfume you bought me. i wore it just for you. >> i was talking about the mac and cheese. >> well, i made that, too. i, uh, put a little behind my ears. >> desperate, cheesy goat. uh, more wine, your royal high-lane-ness? >> mr. brown... >> yes, here you go. >> don't mind if i do. what year is this, brown? >> this year. it's fresh. >> rolls? >> thank you, cora. >> she keep eating like she eating, she gonna have a whole bunch of rolls. >> shut up. >> look at your middle. >> shut up. >> you shut up. don't tell nobody to shut up in they house. why don't you go home? >> why don't you grow a neck, you little brown crayon?! >> you can't tell me nothing! >> let me at him. >> hey, hey, hey, brown, brown, brown, hold it! listen, i'm not gonna allow you to stand here and talk to my fiancée like this! >> what? >> did you say "fiancée"?

>> did i say "fiancée"? >> yeah, you said "fiancée." >> you know what? in latin, that means "edna, pack your stuff and get out." just walk this way. come on this way, edna. come on, come on. >> i do miss you, edna. >> i miss you, too, colonel. [ chuckles ] >> y'all gonna make me throw up if y'all keep on with this. >> edna, please come back home. >> oh, you ain't got to say it twice. >> you better be glad he asked you once. hey, colonel, get her leash and walk her home. >> oh, come on, brown! >> mr. brown! >> go now. >> stop it. they haven't even eaten dinner yet. >> yes, they have. leave. bye. here. put it a dog bowl. >> i despise you, brown. >> well, i despite you, too. why don't you despite me at home?! >> hey, listen, you... [ indistinct shouting ] now, look, i'm not gonna stand here and watch you talk to my woman like that, because it's gonna seriously jeopardize our friendship! >> well, we can jeopardize it -- >> "well, we can jeopardize it"? what you want to do? what you want to do, huh?! what you want to do?! >> colonel? >> yeah? >> you still want to go bowling? >> sure, i do. >> okay, let's go.

>> all right, let's go. >> get your stuff. cora, we going bowling. i'll -- i'll holler at y'all when we get back. >> honey, i'll see you at home. >> we'll holler at y'all. >> yeah, well, you sure came back from dinner quick. >> well, that's because i couldn't stop thinking about dessert. >> mm-hmm. how was your first day? >> oh, it was great. >> yeah? >> it was great. it felt really good to be back in the trenches again, you know? >> baby, it's so nice to see you back in your element again. >> yeah, i know. now, finally, things here can just, you know, get back to the way they were. >> will, i have something to tell you. >> what is it? >> well, you know we've been through a lot of tough times lately, and it's been really hard on both of us. >> yeah, i know, and that's been mostly my fault, and i apologize for that. but i'm gonna do the best i can to make it up to you. okay? >> mm-hmm. well, one day i was so upset

that i went out and i -- i, um, bought a new dress without telling you. >> that's all? oh [laughs] that's nothing. oh, that's nothing. i don't care about that. hell, you should have bought yourself two dresses. [ chuckles ] all i care about is me and you being together. i love you. >> i love you, too.

he and his mom, natasha, justan. shopped at family dollar to get him ready for school. let's look for the same items and see the difference. come on. here at walmart you saved over $1.50 on crayola colored pencils. wow! love it! not bad for your next picasso huh jordan? ok. you saved over 53 cents here on jif peanut butter at walmart. great savings. wow! you saved 53 cents on expo dry erase markers. not bad. unbelievable! alright. here we go. same items at walmart. and look how much you saved. fantastic! fantastic! wow! save time and money.

>> chips? check. pretzels? check. sandwich? check.

drink? forgot! i knew i forgot something. >> [ sighs] [ sighs ] hmm. [ sighs ] >> okay, col-- [ imitates tire screech ] what the... colonel, what you doing here?! >> edna put me out. >> well, go back home. >> no, i'm here now. want some sandwich?

he and his mom, natasha, justan. shopped at family dollar to get him ready for school. let's look for the same items and see the difference. come on. here at walmart you saved over $1.50 on crayola colored pencils. wow! love it! not bad for your next picasso huh jordan? ok. you saved over 53 cents here on jif peanut butter at walmart. great savings. wow!

you saved 53 cents on expo dry erase markers. not bad. unbelievable! alright. here we go. same items at walmart. and look how much you saved. fantastic! fantastic! wow! save time and money. come see for yourself and see how much you can save. kids, back when we were younger, your uncle marshall and i were really into college basketball. every year, march madness would take over the entire apartment. hey. what's with the blackboard? it's our ncaa bracket. big board equals big luck! hey, that looks familiar. where did you get it? hello. uh, i'm looking for my wife, ms. aldrin. there's no school today. it's saturday. (sighs) of course. how could i forget? (laughs) dumb ass. (snaps fingers) ♪ big board! big luck! we found it. no big deal. anyway, every year ted and i go in together on this big money pool out in staten island. ted: yeah. the winner gets $100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag.

and you get to keep the duffel bag. why do you guys put yourselves through this? you lose every year. ted: that's because in the past, we were just guessing. this year, we watched every game, read box scores, tracked injuries. this isn't march madness. this is march meticulously thought-outness. your team lost 20 minutes ago. i didn't know they were playing today. (sighs) you okay, barney? something strange is going on. i was down at the hardware store, trying to get a little somethin' somethin'. wait. you go to the hardware store to pick up girls? there are four kinds of women who go to the hardware store by themselves. of course there are. single, recently single, recently divorced, lesbian who will let me watch. you could not be more evil. sorry. five. recently widowed. mm. so, i'm talking to this girl... look, i'm sure he's in a better place. now let's find you a sturdier ladder.

i was only gone for a second when... see? skid-proof. the same thing happened at the pet store yesterday. pet store? single girl, mid-20s, looking for a canine replacement for the boyfriend who just dumped her. instead, finds barney. god bless you, ted. you're reading my blog. i'm really bored at work. i'd call your ex a dog, but that would be an insult to little ladybug here. oh, i just want to take her home right now. not without a chew toy from uncle barney first. (laughing): okay. barney: and when i got back... i'm sorry, i'm already spoiling her, but diamond in the ruff? could your heart just melt? jerk! (muffled): okay. weird, right? yeah. the same thing happened last week at the museum. all: ooh, ooh, ooh! lily. you pretend to be a struggling young artist who needs a new muse. no. marshall: ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. marsh. you're a millionaire art thief

casing the joint for a thrill money can no longer give you! oh. no. robin. you're going blind, and you're trying to soak up all the beauty in the world before the darkness descends. bingo! (groaning) so, i was talking to this girl. at this point, about 83%. soon, these audio guides will be all that i have left. i'm so sorry. my god, you are beautiful. oh. hey. how about i get you a headset so you can see with your ears like i do? uh... aah! i'm s... aah! i... i couldn't have been gone more than 20 seconds, but when i came back... hmm. you know, i also love the smell of great art. (groans) why does this keep happening? maybe you're not as good a liar as you think you are. hmm. oh, really? then why am i not in prison for perjury? but i don't want to talk about work. something