here barefooted, crazy. >> after today, we can call sasha "mom." no more court and no more being foster kids. >> that's right. no more crack. >> hey, kids. i got it, brown. >> oh, good. >> what's that? >> it's a record player. it plays records. >> that -- that's great, and... what's a record? >> it's like an old people cd. >> oh, hey, you want me to show you where sasha hides the cookies? >> sure. >> good, colonel. i can listen to smokey, yes! >> oh, you got smokey robinson? >> no, i got "'smokin' joe' frazier sings 'white christmas.'" i think he punch drunk, 'cause he keeps saying "brown christmas." i don't know what's wrong with him. >> well, edna love the oldies. >> yeah, that's why i think she's still fooling with your old behind. >> oh, man -- hey, listen. why don't i invite her over? >> no, no, edna'll mess up everything! unh-unh, you don't want to do that. >> all right, well, i'll just put it over here. >> no, colonel, i set my record players over here. >> no, brown, put it over here! >> colonel, just -- >> brown, you gonna break it, brown!

>> nobody gonna break nothing. i know what i'm doing. if you set it -- >> it done slipped, colonel. >> oh, no. look what you did. >> look what you did! >> i told you i can put it close to the plug on the wall. >> i always set my record players right there on that table. that's where i like my record players. >> well, what happened to your record player? >> it was sitting on that table, and it broke just like that one. >> so, what are we gonna tell edna? >> why don't you just tell her it was sitting there and it don't work 'cause it's so old? like you, just broke and old. >> well, it worked before you put your hands on it. you break everything. >> i'm gonna break your face. >> you ain't gonna -- >> colonel, step to me. >> whoa, whoa, whoa. oh, lord, that's edna -- hey! >> oh, colonel, there's somebody coming. here. go to the back. they won't even know -- >> oh, idiot! pick it up! >> go to the back. they won't even know it -- >> oh! >> they won't know you broke it. >> you broke it.

>> where's the colonel going? >> he ain't going nowhere. just don't get in grown folk business. whenever you hear grown folk talk, just do like this. i don't play with kids. just don't do that. >> hey, you guys. hey, uncle. >> i ain't have nothing to do with it. they was playing, throwing them records, and i said, "colonel, don't do nothing," and i ain't had nothing to do with this. >> mr. brown, of course you didn't do it. you weren't even there. >> w-wasn't even where? >> tanya won. >> she got custody. ♪ shield...sneeze...swish ♪ shield...sneeze...swish ♪ this back to school, there's a new routine ♪ [ female announcer ] kleenex tissues with sneeze shield are now thicker and more absorbent. in this lab demo, they help stop moisture better than the leading competitors. ♪ la...la olive garden's never endingter than the leading competitors. pasta bowl is back. unlimited breadsticks and salad, plus never ending combinations of pasta and sauce just $9.99. and even unlimited meatballs, sausage or chicken for $2.99.

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>> i don't understand. i mean, how could the judge award that woman custody after all the things she's done? what does that say about us? >> i am so sorry, sasha. i never thought this would happen. i was only trying to help tanya get her life together. i never thought the judge would give her the kids. >> well, that's because we keep forgetting one important fact. she's the biological mother. >> it's true, but i just didn't think it would go -- >> boo-yah! in your face! ha! >> is all of that necessary, tanya? >> i'm sorry. i just had to get that out. y'all okay? you need a drink? you all right? you handling it? >> oh, hey, kids. >> hey, you guys. you guys want something to eat? >> no, no. i just tried to feed them. they're not hungry. >> spaghetti! >> my favorite. >> oh, come on, here. sit down. i'm finished.

tanya, would you like some dinner? >> no, that's okay, but can a sister get a to-go plate? that would be cool. >> sure. >> okay. thanks. now, listen, now, i know that this is very awkward for y'all, but i want y'all to know something. now, i really appreciate how y'all have been holding it down for me while i've been getting it together. >> yeah, well, we did it for the kids, not for you, tanya. >> yeah, well, we appreciate it. don't we, kids? kids. hey. hey. y'all stop falling asleep at the table like that. that ain't nice. stop that. >> tanya. they're saying grace. >> oh, my bad. my bad. >> this spaghetti looks great, sasha. >> mm-hmm, that's 'cause i put a little sugar in the sauce, just the way you like it. >> it smells perfect. can you make spaghetti? >> no, no, but my fried bologna is off the chain. i cut the bubble, and i put sugar in it. >> [ sneezes ] >> oh, baby, don't be sneezing in your hand like that. you got to let those germs out in the air or else it'll kill you. >> he's got allergies, all

right? we give him medication every morning. >> yes, and he also has baseball practice on tuesdays and thursdays. now, brianna has study group on mondays. it's across town, so the other mothers and i alternate pickups. okay, tanya, you gonna write this down? >> don't worry about it. i got it. i got it. it's up in my head. there. i got a brain. okay, y'all. come on, now. hurry up and eat, 'cause y'all got to go pack. >> it's gonna take me all night to clean up my room. >> you know what, tanya? why don't -- why don't you just let the kids stay the night and you can come get them in the morning? >> oh, baby, that's a great idea. >> please? >> okay. all right. well, i got to go get your room ready. okay, y'all, i'm gonna take the sheets off the window and put it in the bed and spray the bug repellent and light some incense and get all the bugs out before my babies come home and get into bed. okay. love you. >> is it too late to run away?

>> what's wrong with you, colonel? >> can't sleep, brown. i keep thinking about the record player, and i feel guilty. >> well, stop thinking about it. >> well, i can't help it. >> what -- you know what? just clear your mind. let your mind be blank. i do that all the time. >> well, i keep hearing edna's voice saying, "i know what you did." i'm living in fear, brother. i can't be in a relationship like this. >> well, you ought to quit her. just break up with her and quit her. that'll be good on your heart. >> i could tell her the truth. >> you -- if you tell her -- if i go down, you're going down, too. i'm gonna tell her you had something to do with it. >> oh, lord. >> colonel, i've been looking all over for you. >> edna, i have something to tell you. look -- >> he said he, uh -- he was looking for you, too, so y'all could live happily ever after in love and happy. happy, right? happy?

smile. >> hey, will. >> hey. hey, you guys. >> well, not everybody's living happily ever after. what's wrong, will? >> well, actually, you know, just kind of got some bad news. brianna and joaquin are gonna be leaving us to go live with tanya. >> oh, no. she got the kids? now, what judge in their right mind would take those kids away from you and sasha and give them back to that old...that woman? >> well, obviously this one. >> i know what'll put a smile on that handsome face of yours. >> what's that? >> listening to some old-school. >> that's sweet of you, miss edna, but uncle brown doesn't even have a record player. >> i'll let him borrow mine. >> uh, no. no. >> no, no, no, no, no, no. i can't be trusted with other people's property. you said it yourself. you said it. stick to your word. be a man of your word. >> i'll make an exception. >> edna, i brought the record player over here while you were asleep, and brown broke it.

>> you weak punk. you just weak! i bet you you'd tell on jesus. >> wait a minute. uncle brown, didn't you break your record player? >> nephew, you need to be trying to figure out your own problems. how you, a doctor, gonna let a crackhead take your babies? figure out your own business and stay out of mine. >> i know what you did. >> so, you knew all along? >> i was asleep, not dead. >> colonel, with a face like that, i could see how you would get that confused. you look dead now. >> edna, i'm sorry. how can i make it up to you? >> i'll think of something. >> drown her. >> well, now, at least now i can get some sleep. >> mm-hmm. [ chuckles ] i just thought of something. come on, colonel. >> [ laughs ] >> let's go. >> [ laughs ] >> ooh, colonel, that's got to be cruel and unusual punishment.

>> okay, babe. here's the last of it. >> all right. thanks. hey, you okay? tossing and turning all night. >> oh, baby, i couldn't sleep. i kept having this dream about the kids in this apartment with no curtains, being chased by fried bologna sandwiches. >> well, look, we just got to be strong and not let the kids see us get upset. >> oh, the babies are leaving. i'm just so... >> cora, stop, okay? you're gonna have me going, too. stop. >> i just hate that they're leaving us, sasha. >> damn allergies. >> so sorry. >> i guess that's it. >> hey. >> do we really have to go? >> well, look, even though you do, you guys can come by here anytime you want. >> yeah, guys, our door is always open, okay? >> and don't forget to call every day, okay? >> you know what? speaking of calling, hold that, buddy. where's tanya?

>> hello? >> tanya, where are you? it's will. >> will, wh-what's wrong? huh? is there a problem? huh? >> tanya. >> huh? >> i'm right here. >> not right now, will. i got a will -- somebody named will on the phone right this second. will? >> tanya. >> i was just on the phone talking to somebody. >> you're talking to me. >> well, why are you calling me on the phone if you standing right here? i don't get it. that don't make sense. >> tanya, you were supposed to come by here and pick up the kids. >> what, you thought i was gonna forget? [ scoffs ] i know you did. hey, kids. how y'all doing? where's your stuff at? oh, whoa. where's your stuff? >> well, she's back. >> brianna, why don't you take your brother in the kitchen and get yourself a snack, okay? >> hi. >> hey. you're high. >> i'm tanya.

you're sasha. ha ha. shh. i don't want the kids to know! >> tanya, how could you do this? you just got custody. this is what you said you wanted. then you come over here acting like this? i mean, i can't believe you let them down like this. >> oh, i can. i can believe it. >> and i vouched for you. what is wrong with you? >> okay, good gracious. what is this? is this team against tanya? come on, now. everybody is not perfect like little miss thing here, okay? she's so wound up she could blow at any minute. boom. watch. gonna blow. you gonna blow. >> tanya, tanya, you know what, tanya? tanya, you got to go. >> i'll go, 'cause i've been kicked out of better places, by better people, with better money and better food and all kinds of better stuff. y'all can kick me out -- >> oh, shut it up. [ door opens ] >> what are you doing here, huh?

too loaded to find the bus stop? >> sasha, we need to talk. >> there is nothing to talk about until you get sober. >> honestly, sasha, i was faking it. i'm not high. >> why would anyone pretend to be high? >> because i can't do it. >> do what? >> i can't. i can't do the medicine. and the games. the study groups. i can't be responsible for their whole lives. >> wow. so, this is how you handle things. don't you think those kids deserve to know the truth? >> the truth is, is that i can barely take care of myself. let me tell you something, sasha. in spite of what you think about me, i love my kids. i love them. and i'm doing this for them. >> so, what are you gonna do now? >> i'm gonna call the courts.

and i'm gonna tell the judge that you and will should have full custody of the kids. >> oh, wow. thank you, tanya. >> well, you're not welcome. but i do believe you'll be a good mom.

>> ooh, this -- this is my great album right here, "alfonso ribeiro sings the hits." yes! sing it, little man! sing it!

edna, now, if this is about your record player, i'm telling you -- colonel brought that over here knowing i was gonna tear it up. >> don't worry about it. colonel bought me a cd. now i can take all my music wherever i go. [ laughs ] >> what? let me see that. look -- how about if you listen to it when you go out there in the middle of the street and them cars? go on out there. [ horn honks, tires screech ] aah! be careful! [ female announcer ] new hot pockets sandwiches are even tastier,

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[narrator:nnouncer ] kids, the spring of 2008ality. was a pretty great time for me. stella and i had started dating, and i'd just gotten a big raise at work, so i decided to purchase something i knew would be the envy of all my friends. a new car! ted, this is new york city-- you're never gonna drive it. this is a really, really stupid purchase, and i'm sorry, but none of us can support it. shotgun for eternity! you can't call shotgun for eternity. i just called it. you can't just call things, barney. i call that i can call things! nah-uh. yeah-huh. hey, baby. beer. are you okay? beer. (whimpers) okay, what happened? arthur hobbs is one of the senior partners at my firm, and he's... he's my boss. he seems like a nice guy, but he's got a nickname... artillery arthur. how's your morning going? it's going fine; how is yours?

not too bad, not too bad. hey, is ferguson in yet? he is, he's in... just in his office next door. that's great. have a good one, buddy. you, too. you never know who's gonna get hit... arthur: hey, ferguson! i read your report, and it's complete crap! no, you know what? that's an insult to crap. if you last two more days here, i'll be shocked! shocked! (door slams) it was brutal, but the worst was a few minutes later. did you hear that? yeah, sorry. can you believe he did that on take your daughter to work day? so that brings us to today. oh, no. a little background. so i'm working on this report called "using 23-b-3 spurious class action precedent "to contest a class certification order based on a lack of commonality, numerosity..." dude, you lost us. can't you just call it something cool

like "the ninja report"? okay. yeah, fine, whatever. um, so i'm supposed to turn in the ninja report yesterday. awesome. ooh... oh, wow. cool. but i got insanely busy with other stuff, i didn't get a chance to finish it, and then this morning... arthur: hey, ferguson. ferguson: hey, arthur. how's your day going? i got to go. great. how is yours? great, great-- hey, is marshall in yet? oh, thank god. yeah, he's right in there. fantastic. have a good one, buddy. and then... he screamed at me. oh, baby, i'm so sorry. what, that's it? you're upset because a guy talked loudly near you? barney, i have never been screamed at like that in my life. come on, when's the last time you got screamed at at work? i got screamed at three times today. once in korean. this is corporate america, marshall. screaming is a motivational tool, like christmas bonuses or sexual harassment. it's just good business. oh, baby, it's just not fair.