it, and i'm telling you for the last time it wasn't me! next question. >> i have a question, brown. >> yes, yes, yes. >> now, as a bored church member--i mean a church board member, i'd like to know how you plan to eliminate the excessive spending. >> what the--what-- >> good question. >> that's a good question. >> that ain't the question i told you to ask me. >> well, can you answer it? >> well, you don't simply ask... >> well, i can answer that question. we can save more money by running our air conditioning 20% less and offering more hand fans for the members to use. >> all right. that's a good answer, cora! >> you stole my answer, which is exactly why you shouldn't vote for my opponent! 'cause if she'll steal, she'll lie! you probably lying right now! everything coming out your-- >> ahem. >> the house recognizes the troll from under the bridge. troll along, troll-y. >> what else do you bring to the table, other than your stomach?

>> ha! [mr. brown laughs] >> it's funny you should ask. deacons, y'all help me with this. i possess style and charisma. look at all of that. [mr. brown laughs] >> well, i can be funny, too. but church business is serious business. >> mm-hmm. >> our church needs new, updated hymnals, we need new choir robes, and we need new cushions for our pews. >> oh, yeah! >> can i get an amen? >> amen! >> yeah, 'cause the ones we sitting on right now, i can't get no sleep on. well, i can't. >> you as bad as brown. well, okay. cora, our blessed sister here, who deserves to win better than that old psychedelic heathen standing next to you, you are gonna win hands down, because you're blessed... >> dude! excuse me, dude, sir, ma'am, mister! do you have a question?

>> no, i don't have a question. >> well, park your trunk over there, please! thank you! thank you. >> excuse me, brown? >> yes, sir? >> now, i do have a question. >> recognizing colonel. speak your mind. let the lord use you as he walks with you in perfect peace. >> well, the question i have, brown, is, who is catering this blasted thing? 'cause my stomach is touching my back! >> well, i plan to feed the multitude, yes, right after you all vote for me. thank you. >> that is bribery, mr. brown! >> that is not bribery! that's pancakes! and i plan to use real butter! thank you! >> all right! >> thank you. >> real butter?! that's why i propose a church health fair. >> amen. >> because our bodies are our temples. >> that's right. >> boo! boo! >> um, yes, yes. and in closing, i'd just like to say how much i love this church. >> take your time. take your time. >> how much it means to me to be able to serve you. okay? my sister. oh, brother. serve you? oh, mother.

oh, please let me serve you. i love you all. i love you all. power to the people! ohh! >> that touched me, girl! mmm! that touched me! mmm! >> now, what you got to say about that, brown? >> well--first-off thing i got to say is, satan, get thee behind me! and another thing-- cora been stealing communion wine and getting drunk after church! anybody want pancakes? >> that is not true! you think washing your face is healthy. but if your skin feels tight and dry it could be a sign of damage. [ female announcer ] get a healthier clean with neutrogena® ultra gentle cleanser. unlike ordinary cleansers that can over-penetrate and damage skin's healthy barrier our breakthrough formula cleans gently without the damage, yet removes dirt, oil, even eye makeup. so clean really is healthy.

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>> awkward! >> don't you have something to do? >> probably. look, how long are you gonna keep this thing up with sasha? >> listen, renee, my--my personal business isn't up for discussion. >> oh. i wouldn't call it personal, 'cause everybody in the hospital know about it. everybody. >> everybody knows what? >> that you caught sasha sleeping with troy. well, yeah, i heard he had her on every wall in 306. ugh! >> what are you talk--that's not what happened. they just kissed. >> exactly. so why are you acting like that? >> i'm not acting like anything.

i--renee, it's complicated. >> mm-hmm. >> i mean, when you're married--you ever been--what? why am i talking to you? >> well, because you need to talk to somebody, 'cause you're not talking to your wife. >> renee, this is between me and sasha. >> no, it also affects brandy and little yoakum. >> that's brianna and joaquin. >> why did y'all name those kids that? oh, wait. i forgot. y'all got those kids on layaway. forgot. >> okay, look, not that i need to explain anything to you, but you know as well as i do--and everybody else that you told--that sasha was wrong. >> okay, look, i'm not saying that she wasn't. but haven't you ever made a mistake? now, come on. real talk. now, maybe what sasha did was just a reaction from your actions. >> i didn't do anything. >> yeah, and if you keep doing nothing, you're gonna lose your

family. >> everything looks good, brianna, except there's one little problem. there's a fork missing. >> there is? >> yeah, i think i dropped it over there, like, way, way--yeah, yeah, it's there. oh, here it is. >> oh, okay. now it's perfect. >> yeah. [door closes] will's home. >> okay, just act normal. >> okay. cool. >> hey. hey, kids. >> hey. >> welcome home, father! >> "father"? really? >> too much? >> it smells good in here. what'd you do? >> nothing. we're just so happy to see you. >> okay. it must be bad. what'd you do? >> sit down.

>> allow me to pour you something to drink, sir. >> "sir"? really? >> i smell lasagna. >> yeah, your favorite, and it's not smoked, either. >> so, since when do you two know how to cook lasagna? >> ta-da! dinner is served. >> i get it. what are you doing here? >> sasha came by to make your favorite dinner. >> isn't that nice of her? >> uh-huh. yeah, the kids told me you said it would be okay. >> hmm. you two care to explain? >> nope. >> nope. >> let's eat before the food gets cold. >> will, look, i didn't know, all right? what do you want me to do? >> sit down, brianna. bless the food, joaquin.

>> okay. dear lord, bless this food and this family. thank you for letting sasha come over so we can finally have a decent meal. no offense, will. >> and i thank you for bringing us all together under one roof just like a normal family should be, forever and ever and ever, and ever and ever-- >> brianna. >> and ever, amen. >> oh, man, i'm--i'm full. >> me too. um, i have calculus. >> yeah, and i'm gonna help her, you know? 'cause, um, she's not that bright, you know? some people need help with it. >> [laughs] wow. looks to me like we've been set up. [giggles]

>> you don't have to stay. >> well, i'm fine if you are. >> i'm good. >> is the food okay? >> tastes all right. >> i used a little mozzarella instead of the parmesan. if i remember right, the last time i made this, we were the ones who left the dinner table early. [giggles] >> look, the kids are gone. we don't have to do this. >> will, do what? i'm just trying to make a little conversation. >> and it's not necessary. why don't we just--just eat and go on our way? >> you're right. never mind. you know what? this is not working. i'm gonna tell the kids goodbye.

>> whatever. >> and if you want to talk... you know where to find me. >> cora, here you go. here, it'll help. take this. >> what? what is this for? >> cora, that's some comfort food to comfort you when you find out you done lost this race. >> what? >> scoot over. i just want you to remember, cora, everybody is a winner--except you. >> huh? what if you lose? >> obviously, you ain't listening to nothing i just said, did you? >> yes, i did. >> how much did i win by? how much? tell me. >> what happened? >> um, i have bad news, cora. >> ♪ i won! i won! i shot that bb gun! hey, hey! ♪ >> no, brown, you didn't win. >> wait a minute. it sounded like you just said i didn't win. >> you didn't. >> ♪ you lost! you lost! you ate the applesauce! ♪ >> um, unfortunately, you didn't

win either, cora. >> wait a minute. i don't understand. what? >> it was a tie. >> a tie?! >> a tie?! >> yeah. cora, half of them didn't want you on the board. >> and, brown, the other half didn't want you in church. >> well, wait a minute. who got the position? >> well, they say, because you two acted so poorly, they decided to eliminate the position altogether. >> wait, wait, wait. now, does this mean i can't run next year? >> oh, i sure wish you'd run out in traffic with some scissors. >> well, can i use the ones you broke trimming up your nose hairs?

>> i'm looking at my paper. that's all i'm looking at, is my paper. >> why did she go back? >> yeah, i don't know. uh, cora, greens is on sale. they got them greens on sale. >> well, go get some. >> oh, okay. well, all right. cora, i don't like not talking. you know what? i'm sorry. i let my competitive spirit get the best of me. i--i'm sorry. >> well, i guess i let my dear spirit get the best of me. and i know i know better. >> yeah, yeah. let's make a promise we'll never compete against each other again. >> okay. >> okay. pinkie promise. lock... >> deal! >> that's right, cora. we ain't gonna do that no more. >> hey, ms. edna. >> hey. >> did you all hear the news? >> oh, they found out what species of animal you from. tell us. what? are you a pterodactyl? >> shut up, missing link. you never stop playing. >> hush, mr. brown. she trying to tell us something. >> old man thomas passed.

>> oh, what a shame. >> that's terrible. really? >> yes. >> oh. >> wait. wasn't he a board member? >> yeah. >> one of the first. >> i got it! >> i got it, i got it! [ male announcer ] now you can get a kindle fire hd,

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narrator: now, kids,mazing. when aunt robin was a teenager, she was, well... a canadian pop star. but by 2008, she was an entirely different person... (gunfire) coming up next: is your baby trying to kill you? ...which made the events of that week all the more surprising. what in god's creation is going on with robin's breasts? i know! right? isn't it amazing? i spent half an hour making this happen. there's tape in there, cotton balls, half of a nerf football, but it works, right? totally. what's the occasion? and old friend from canada is in town, and i'm meeting him for a drink. ooh! somebody you went to degrassi with? no. actually, he was my first boyfriend. simon. i thought he was the coolest guy ever. he smelled like drakkar. he could ollie on a skateboard. and he had the most amazing collection of hard rock cafe t-shirts. we spent the whole summer madly in love.

tell me more. tell me more. like, did he have a car? so is he the guy who... how shall i say this like a gentleman? robin, did he take your maple leaf? no, it wasn't like that. sounds to me like he gave you your first "o canada" face. narrator: this went on for a really long time. some of the jokes were elegant and well-crafted... wait, wait. did he break up with you and tell you he's just not that inuit? (laughing) ...others were crude and ill-formed... um, something about fur trapping. ...and others were obvious but needed to be said... did you ride his zamboni? oh! come on! oh! well, i'm sorry, guys. it was all very tame. we only dated for a week and a half. wha...? i thought you said you were together all summer. yeah. summer in canada is pretty much the last week of july. anyway, one night, his band just finished playing this gig... oh, my god! simon.

that was such a good show. you guys totally rocked out. yeah. i know. i figure we're about four or five gigs away from really exploding. we're gonna be big, babe. i mean, like crash test dummies big. so, that everything? yeah. all right. listen, babe... it's over. what? i'm getting back together with louise marsh. louise marsh?! that's a whore's name if i ever heard one. yeah, why would he want to get back together with louise marsh? well, the thing is... her folks just put in a pool. oh... so... totally... i get it. pools are great. swimming's awesome. we have a sprinkler. run right through it.

well, i should go. uh... babe, wait. yeah, simon? you forgot to load the drum set. no! tell me you did not load the drum set. (drums feet) i did. (all groaning) and now he's coming here? robin, why do you want to see this guy? oh! i know why. you're gonna win, aren't you? i have no idea what you're talking about. yes, you do. whenever you haven't seen someone for a long time, no matter how much you want to deny it, there's always a clear winner and a clear loser. well, since you brought it up, let's add up the points. you're starting out with two big ones right there. thank you. okay. so, simon still lives with his mom. point robin. um, he never became a rock star. point robin. he now works at a water slide park outside of ottawa. point simon. wait. do they have a wave pool? no. ah. point robin. that's five-zip. there's no coming back from that.