uh, well...we got some bad news, honey. yes! uh, well, dispatch just called. we gotta make another drop. oh, my god. where do you have to go? um... burmhaven. burmhaven? where the hell is that? exactly. it's out in the boonies somewhere. i got deacon checking the map right now. well, why do you have to go at all? why don't you just dump the crap off at fed-ex? they're good. ha ha ha ha... no can do, honey. well, i guess i'll just find someone else to go to the show with. ok. well, have a great time. i love you. all right. i love you, too. drive safely. bye. ♪ there's no business likehow business ♪ ♪ like no business i know ♪

put on a tie. hot dog! [born to be wild by steppenwolf playing] whoo! atlantic city! ha ha! city of the atlantic! ¡ciudad atlanticano! hey, let me use your phone so i can tell kelly. whoa, whoa! what are you gonna say? that we're going to atlantic city. you can't say that. she'll tell carrie. they talk all the time. so i have to lie to my wife just because you lied to yours? it's pronounced "burmhaven." all righty... let's beat the living crap out of this place. here we go. whoa! hold up. hold on a second. listen, i just cashed a check, and i don't wanna lose more than $200. hold the rest of my money.

sure. you know how i am, so even if i beg, don't give it to me. ok. i mean it, deke. i might get ugly. i could mention your mother. don't take the bait. don't mention my mother. fair enough. let's gamble. oh, yeah. that's our table. granny gon' be sweet. hey, how's everybody doing? oh, just fine. all right. hey there, mary from cedar rapids. i'm doug from... wanna-win-a-lotta-money. oh. good luck, everyone. bets up. he looks nice. [orchestra tuning]

oh...hi. hello. you're mr. berenson, one of the partners, right? yes. uh-- i didn't know anybody else from the firm would be here. i'm carrie heffernan, grossman's secretary-- or mistegrossman, as i always call him. oh, yes. hello. and from what i hear, you're doing a very good job. hey, you, too. so, who are you here with? oh, uh... my father. oh, how lovely. $5.00 for a box of sno-caps! boy, they really got you by the gonads here. uh, this is arthur spooner, my father. dad, this is mr. berenson, one of the partners at my law firm-- you know, wherework. that nice. pleased to meet you. likewise. ok... darling, you're in my seat. just sit in mine. it doesn't matter. sure it does. sometimes they do a spot check during the performance. then we'll just switch tickets.

"non-transferable." ok. ok, here we go, showtime... and those wine coolers are just starting to kick in. that's 13...15... and 6 is 21. damn. that's all right. that's ok. that's just a little bet. that's the secret to my whole system: you lose the little bets and win the big ones. stay. 20. lost another little one. sweet. i'm gonna try roulette. come on, man. this table's gonna turn around. i can feel it. nah, i'll catch you later, man. all right, my friend, but you're gonna miss the ride. ooh. that's 21 again. my goodness... i've gotten a lot of those. my goodness, you certainly have.

by the way, where is cedar rapids, in hell?! hit me. gimme another one. one more. da--i... hate my own ass!! [orchestra playing there's no business like show business] both arm rests. both he has. just use mine. no, no. you enjoy the show. i'll deal with him.

oh, hey! 3 nickels! maybe i'll go see a ow! hey, man... how'd you do? how'd i do? i'm playing nickel slots. what does that tell you? easy. i got killed, too, if that makes you feel any better. a little, yeah. give me the rest of my money. what? no. come on. no. you told me not to. the doug who told you that is dead. come on! you're not getting it. but here you go... you can have this. what the hell's that? a coon for the buft. it came with the room. a buffet coupon? can i bet it? do you want it or not? yes. oh, macaroni and cheese. yeah, i like macaroni and cheese. oh, potatoes! that's nice. eh-eh. ah, desserts!

that's right, yeah, yeah. oh, and... i have a coupon. for shopping that took half e the time. converse, skechers, nike, and more at famous footwear. victory is yours. [ female announcer ] outlast stay fabulous from covergirl can. outlast is a primer, concealer and foundation all in one for all day flawless skin. outlast stay fabulous. [ sofia ] from easy, breezy, beautiful covergirl.

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[ female announcer ] better taste. better quality. hey, dad... got you one of those glossy programs that you like, huh? thank you, dear. oh, come on. you're still not upset about that arm rest thing, are you? why shouldn't i be upset? i paid for this seat, and i'm entitled to rest my arm! first of all, you didn't pay for the seat... and second, i don't think mr. berenson is doing this on purpose. don't be naive. i've dealt with people like him all my life. just because they're rich and important, they think they're entitled to step on the little gu dad-- well, all his wealth and power may get him off the hook in an underage sex scandal, but it will not buy him this arm rest! all righ dad... do not make a scene, ok?

i work for this man. don't worry, darling. whatever goes down here tonight, i will make it clear that you are in no way involved. dad, all in all, i've been a pretty good daughter, wouldn't you say that? certainly. i've always tried to look out for you. i've given you a place to live in my home. haven't i? in the basement, but yes. so for me...please... don't let anything "go down" tonight... for your little girl. it goes against every fiber of my being, but i will hold my tongue. thank you.

tv: if you have a 13, and the dealer shows a 10 or a pictur it's a good idea to take a card. 8! that gives you 21. you win again! congratulations! hey, man. hey. how was the buffet? let's just say they'll be putting my picture up. so, how'd you do? man, i thought my luck might change if i played some craps. and? i don't have a cent left. just a...butt-load of chips, baby! how much is here? $1,750! nice job. hey, i'm gonna call room service, have 'em haul a nice, big-old, juicy steak up here. guess you don't want anything, huh?

no. ok. is is great. this is... at least one of us did well, huh? yeah! i could not be happier. you know, and since i'm feeling happy... give me my money. let's not go through this again. come on, deke, give me a chance to get even. come on, guy. enough. come on, guy. no...no. come on, guy! come on! hey! what? all right, look... if you lose all your money, you gonna blame me? not only won't i blame you, but i will respect you... 'cause to give me back my money takes...courage. all right, here... knock yourself out. what happened to the cash i gave you? oh, i lost all mine, so i used it to play craps. you used my money? yeah. i figured if i lost it all, i'd just go to the atm and pay you back, but... didn't lose, baby!

right, right. yeah, hey, this is mr. palmer is 709. i'd like to order the new york steak. medium well. all right, i'm gonna head on down. tear 'em up. yeah. yeah. baked potato, green beans... ♪ the thing that's known as romance ♪ ♪ is wonderful... wonderful... ♪ excuse me. do you have the time? it's 9:30. oh, this guy's good. you promised you wouldn't say anything. just wanted to know the time. dad, just switch seats with me? and let this s.o.b. take me down? never. you see this? now he's just taunting me. would you just switch seats with me? no. dad-- no!!

all righty... dad, it's time to look in my eyes and pay attention. now, you either switch seats with me now, or so help me, you're going over that railing like a little rag doll. fair enough. i was right under the vent. oh, really? 'cause i'm roasting. would you mind switching seats with me? sure, sure. i'm back. how'd it go? let's just say i'm not allowed within 50 feet of mary from cedar rapids. well, we should probably get some sleep so we can hit the road early. fine. i can't wait to get the hell out of here. couldn't get twin beds, huh? this is all they had.

oh, what's the difference? if you're gonna have me, you're gonna have me. listen, sorry we couldn't both win. yeah. right. well, good night. you know, it was my money. huh? what was? the money you used to win your money. so? so nothing. i'm just sayin'. just sayin' it was my money. look, you got a problem, just say so. no, i ain't got no problem. it's...just a little weird. i mean... you wouldn't let me use my money, but it was ok for you to use it. ok, good. got it. no problem. good night. i told you i only used your money because i didn't have any more cash.

well, sweet roy malloy! that was some lucky money, wasn't it? what are you saying? the money you gave me was destined to win $1,700, no matter who bet it or what they bet on? that's exactly what i'm saying. man, you are ridiculous! oh, am i? you know what? maybe i'll just sleep on the sofa, ok? you are unbelievable, man! unbelievable. all right, enough, already, huh? just... just come back to bed. oh, no, no, no. i wouldn't want you to have to sleep with somebody you find ridiculous. then fine, fine! do what you want! i didn't wanna come here in the first place. i was looking forward to a nice evening at the theater. you dragged me to this... city of sin. oh, please! you wanted to come. you were just afraid to tell carrie. i am not afraid of carrie, ok? i fear no man. oh, yeah? then how come you couldn't tell her you wanted to go gambling, huh? how come?

'cause i was tryg to spare her feelings! yeah, right. it is right! that's bull! and on top of everything else, i had to lie to kelly because you were afraid she'd tell carrie about this. you know, i don't like lying to my wife. doesn't make me feel too good. [wimpy] "oh, i don't like lying to my wife. lying makes my tummy ache." hey, you keep that up, i might call kelly and tell her we're here. go ahead. well, maybe i will. do it. go ahead! fine! here i go. go, go, go! hey, kel, it's me. listen... remember when i told you before about us having another delivery to do? well, actually, we didn't have another delivery. we went to atlantic city to gamble. i was bluffing! yeah. i'm sorry i didn't tell you before, but, hey, i won $1,700. i love you, too.

kelly says hi. she's gonna call carrie. she's gonna call carrie. that's all right. i'm on it. i'll just call carrie first and confess. she'll be mad at me, but at least i'll get credit for coming clean. better hurry. kelly's a yenta. tell her what i did was very wrong, i learned an important lesson, blah blah blah... and with any luck, this will blow over by thursday. hey, honey! hey, baby, iiss you. yeah, i miss you, too. how was the show? oh, it was a nightmare. i brought my father, and one of the lawyers was there from my firm-- yeah, that's brutal. listen, anyway... i have another call. hold on one second. doug? it's kelly. she just wants to tell me one quick thing. hold on one sec. wait! carrie! ca-ca-carrie! carrie!! carrie, i was baaaad! carrie?! now we have bold new tastes like never before.

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cannonbox! [splash!] >> okay, now walk to me, joaquin. >> no. why should i walk to you? >> 'cause i'm the oldest. >> so? i'm the youngest and the cutest. >> yeah, if you got some sun, frosty. >> hey, hey, hey, hey! you're working my nerves now. now, don't make me have to relapse up in here.

y'all figure that out or go to bed. >> i'm okay with that. >> yeah, me too. >> hey, hey, hey, hey! you better get your butts back here and fold up this sheet. you wouldn't last a minute in lockdown. >> lockdown? i'm 9. >> hey, everybody. >> hey, will. >> will? when are you guys gonna call me daddy? >> hey, daddy. >> uh, not you, tanya. sorry i'm late, but surgery took a lot longer than i expected. >> yeah, and i knew that you'd be hungry, too, so i left you three pieces of chicken in the kitchen. >> oh. >> two. >> one. >> you know what? go on up to bed, you little chicken thieves. bye! >> and guess what! i folded all of your clothes, including your underwear. >> oh. okay. you didn't have to do that. >> oh, ho ho. please. it's not a big deal.

i'm telling you, you know how long i've been trying to get in them drawers? [ both laugh ] >> hey, girl, you stupid! girl, you silly. >> oh, and don't forget to go to joaquin's parent/teacher conference on wednesday. >> oh. no, i didn't forget. but i might not be able to make it. >> oh, well, don't even worry about it 'cause i'll be there. >> oh. >> yeah. yes, i will. oh! oh, my gosh, i better get out of here and catch my bus before i miss it. >> uh, what time's your last bus? >> in two minutes. can you take those clothes upstairs? >> uh, sure. your last bus is in two minutes, you better run. >> i know. >> see you later. >> all right, see you, will. >> tanya! >> huh? >> you know what? i'm just joking. why don't you, uh -- why don't you just stay here on the couch? you might as well. >> for real? >> yeah. >> cool. oh, my gosh! you're so kind. shoot, this is great! oh, i could get a good night's sleep without hearing the sweet

sounds of, "last one in sleeps on the floor!" ♪ ♪ use your debit or credit redcard for an extra 5% off our everyday low prices. putting up with those annoying period symptoms? general pain relievers, like advil, only treat cramps, but midol has three active ingredients to take care of that... and fatigue and bloating. because you deserve better. people have been daring them to clean up tough messes.

my fans think a paper towel can't handle this. ♪ that is tough when wet. [ peggy ] grab viva and break the rules on all your tough messes. >> mm! you are so cute. what is your name? >> renee, mr. stevens in 307 said he hasn't been getting his dinner. >> he lying! he does get his dinner, and then when he don't like it, he just throw it out in the hallway. [ thud ] sounds like a job for the night nurse. >> uh...isn't that outfit too skimpy for work? >> really? what? didn't nobody say nothing when i wore it to church on sunday. >> okay. where are you going? >> wherever we are going, the drinks are going to be free. ain't that right, sasha?

>> ah, you like it. >> yes. you look hot! >> thank you. >> wait a minute. you two are hanging out now? >> well, renee's been telling me about this club for weeks, so i figured while i've got some free time, i would go and check it out. >> that's right. we are hitting the streets, partner. we gonna make it do what it do, baby. but we only got like two hours to do that before these dogs start barking, so let's go. >> uh, sasha, can i talk to you for a minute? >> no, she is not talking to you. >> yes, i am. um, renee, could you give us a moment, please? >> oh. okay. i'm gonna go start the car. it takes about 20 minutes for it to warm up, so take your time. >> so what's up? >> just, you know -- just wanted to see how you were doing. >> i'm fine. yeah, you know, just staying busy. so how are the kids?

>> oh, uh, eh. you know, joaquin ran off, and brianna's pregnant. >> what? >> i'm joking, i'm joking, i'm joking. >> will, don't play with me like that. >> but, uh... they miss you. >> well, i'll make sure i call them as soon as i get in the car, okay? >> uh, by the way, the parent/teacher conference for joaquin -- >> oh, yeah, yeah. i meant to talk to you about that. i'm gonna be running a little late, but of course i'll be there. >> okay. um...tanya's gonna go. >> that's great. that's so good. i mean, it looks like you got it all worked out. right? i'm going to go now, okay? bye, will.

>> this is awkward. >> yeah, stick around, and it can get worse. >> man, about what happened -- >> don't even go there with me, man. >> listen, it was all me. >> it takes two, troy. >> not this time. sasha's a good woman. she never did anything to disrespect you, and you need to know that. >> do you really think i'm gonna stand here and listen to you talk about my wife? >> you don't have to listen to me. all i'm telling you is that none of this is her fault. >> and i heard you. >> as we discussed mahatma gandhi and dr. martin luther king jr. and how they became legends through their nonviolent protests, can anyone name any other legends? anybody? oh, milo? go ahead. >> john legend. >> he is not a legend, sweetheart. >> well, his music changed my life. >> well, anybody else? >> i tell you what, if i catch you running in this hall again, i'm-a hit you with this

flashlight. >> mr. brown! >> oh, hey, cora. >> you're interrupting my class. >> oh, they ain't paying attention anyway. half of 'em passing notes, and the other half is passing gas. girl, was that you, passing that wind like that? goodness. >> mr. brown. >> ah, cora, here's the new policy changes. >> do we have to do this now? >> yes. they said for your eyes only. they said nobody else to look at it. so i opened it up. well, it says starting next week, all the students gonna have to have transparent backpacks. >> what? >> what? >> wait, hold up, hold up. transparent backpacks? >> is there an echo in here? yeah, that's what i said. backpacks, backpacks, back-- what the what? >> ms. simmons, what about our rights to privacy? >> this is public school. ain't no private school. >> ms. simmons, no one ever asked us our opinion. >> well, i'm sorry -- >> you should have got somebody's opinion before you left that barbershop. you look a mess. look at you looking like -- >> mr. brown. >> huh? >> rules are rules, milo. >> yeah. >> don't we have a say so in this? >> yes, you do. yes, you do. do what the rules say so you

won't get in trouble. now sit down! all right, i'll see you, cora. >> bye. thank you, sir. >> i'm sorry. i mean ms. simmons. >> all right, class, all right. >> this don't make no sense. come on, y'all, we got to do something about this. come on, right? >> okay, well, first we need to calm down. there are ways that we can handle this. >> sure is. man, we about to pull a gandhi up in this piece. who with me? >> now, remember, gandhi went on a three-weeks fast on his protest. >> uh, well, well, uh... who down for a protest after lunch, you know what i'm saying? 'cause you know a brother, a hungry brother. for breakfast? [ doorbell rings ] >> oh, hey. >> tanya. >> yeah. i thought it was brianna. hi. >> actually, brianna left her jacket in the car. um, is she back from school yet? >> um, no. no, nobody's here. no, i'll take it. thanks.