>> i mean, i guess so. i just -- >> okay. well, then, you take care, okay? >> but you know what -- >> thanks for coming over. bye-bye. >> who was that? >> oh, that was just the girl scouts. yeah, i told 'em that you had all the cookies you need. >> okay. so what's next? >> did you put the celery in? >> mm-hmm. >> oh. no! you're supposed to chop it up first. silly willy. >> you know what? i knew that. i knew that. i'm sorry. i don't know what i was thinking. just -- all right. >> okay, now what's on your dome piece, home piece? >> dome piece? seriously? who says that anymore? how long have you been in jail? >> long enough to know when somebody's bothered. now, what's up? come on, come here. >> what? >> come on. dr. tanya's in. have a seat. talk to me.

>> are you serious? >> yes. so tell me what's up? what's up? what's on your mind? >> i don't know. i can't believe sasha's been hanging out with renee. she knows that girl's got warrants. >> who doesn't? i mean, come on, why are you so worried about what sasha's doing? >> i'm not sure. i mean, i guess, uh -- i guess i really shouldn't care, but i don't know. i just don't know what to do. it seems like she's changed, you know? >> yeah, well, will, change is good. i mean, look at me. look at me. i've changed. i mean, come on. i've gone from roofies to rehab, okay? i've gone from prison to princess. i have gone from heathen to housewife. holler! >> you know what? i'll give it to you, tanya. you -- you've come a long way. >> yeah. well, thanks, will. you know, i really do owe a lot of it to you.

>> no, no, no. that was all you. you know what? now, i've seen that you can do just about anything you set your mind to. >> you think so? >> i know so. >> wow. well, come on, let's go get back to this gumbo. can you get the green beans for me out the fridge? >> okay. >> okay. >> got it. mm. [ man ] every corner, every week! let me just say something. we all got a choice to make. and we can keep focusing on the bad... dwell on the bad, talk about the bad... or, or...we can focus in on the good.

i want to give it up for good. give it up for what is good. what can be good. what will be good in our communities. now who's with me? perfectly bite-sized drops of rich and creamy chocolate happiness. when the chocolate is hershey's, life is delicious.

>> what? >> what are you doing? >> well, i'm doing what comes next. >> next? there's no next! >> well, i don't see why not. i mean, come on, will, you've been so nice to me. >> well, i'm just trying to show that -- you know, show you that i appreciate you. just because a man is nice to you doesn't mean he wants to sleep with you! >> yes, it does! oh, come on, will, i am running around here playing kizzy, cooking for you, cleaning your house, washing your funky drawers. i mean, come on, now. if i'm acting like wifey, shouldn't i get the benefits of the wifey? >> no! >> and wait a minute. i thought you were here for brianna and joaquin, not me. >> that's how it started. i mean, will, come on, man. you know we hit it off. we had a moment on the couch, right? we had the little celery moment, right? we had the moment right here. you needed me. come on, will. do you know the last time i felt needed?

>> look, tanya, i mean, i appreciate everything you've been doing here, but -- but i'm married. >> come on, you're married to a woman that you kicked to the curb because she cheated on you. >> she didn't cheat on me. it was just a kiss. >> oh, okay. and you didn't just cheat on her? >> no, i didn't. you tried to kiss me, and i stopped it. huh. just like sasha did troy. >> oh, lord, have mercy. jesus, help us all in this house! uh! here you are defending her again. >> just because sasha and i are going through a tough time right now doesn't mean i'm not still in love with her. >> wow, boy. oh, that must be nice. i made a fool of myself. you must think i'm a fool, huh? >> no, tanya. i'm the fool. [ chuckles ]

well, look, tanya, you know, i mean... >> okay, all right. uh. i'm going. but i got to take my gumbo with me. shoot, i can sell this at the shelter, okay? >> ah. you know, some of your parents been out there for hours, and they're upset, especially your dad, milo. >> my dad's here? man, ms. simmons, that's my mother. >> oh, my bad. >> you got to look past the beard. >> i'm tired, i'm sleepy, okay? >> hold the spitballs. i'm coming in. i'm your negotiator. >> good. mr. brown, come on. >> look, i'm the negotiator. see, i'm the negotiator. >> what'd they say? >> uh, well, let me get the list. >> hurry up, mr. brown, please! >> i got he latest from the faculty. here it is right here. >> okay, what does it say? >> okay, it says right here, run! get out, everybody! >> mr. brown, this is serious.

>> well, i'm trying to help get this thing over with. okay, what they said was there's pizza and juice for everybody that'll give up right now 'cause i know you're hungry. i know you're hungry. i know somebody here is hungry. >> man, look, tell 'em that they can't bribe us with food, right? >> [ laughs ] >> man, the revolution does not include pizza. >> well, maybe now they'll compromise since you done let go of one of your hostages. >> man, little biggie wasn't a hostage. little biggie was a traitor. we ain't got no hostages. >> you ain't got no hostages? >> no. >> no revolution song? no slogans or nothing? >> no. >> you're wack! if it was left up to y'all, we'd still be marching for our freedom. >> hey, look, these are the concessions that we're willing to make. >> what the what? why did you write this with your feet? cora, you let him get away with writing stuff like this, cora? >> mr. brown, just take 'em the note. >> look, just tell 'em if they let us keep our backpacks, we'll

end the strike. >> well, all right, i'll tell 'em. cora, you hold it down. if anything pop off, you pop a cap. these are the latest confessions from the students. they said they want better caf-- >> cafeteria. >> cafeteria food. >> and backpacks, backpacks. >> and they want to keep their old backpacks, and they say they want fried chicken and liver for lunch every day. >> okay, i'm coming out. >> okay, bye. hey, girl. so you ready for tonight? >> renee, i don't think i'm up for it. >> what? oh, come on, sasha. you know i been waiting forever for the health department to open this club back up. they got escorts to walk you to your car so you don't get jacked and everything. it's good now. >> renee, as classy as this place sounds, i think i'm gonna have to pass. >> [ sighs ] all right. but you gonna miss out on the free buffette. mm-hmm, and miss pearline, she is bad with them vienna

sausages, girl. they scrumptious. gonna miss it. >> hey, sasha. >> hey. >> uh, renee, can you give us a moment? >> sure. no problem. i just have three words for you -- vi enna sausage. think about it. >> look, can i, uh -- can i talk to you for a minute? >> well, actually, i am really busy and i was about to get ready to go out with renee again, so -- >> no, she wasn't! >> well, look, it -- it won't take long. look, um, these past few weeks i've been hurt, mad, embarrassed, but i appreciate the fact that you told me.

>> will, i have always been honest with you. >> i know, and i'm -- i'm sorry. especially because now i understand how easy it is for something like that to happen. >> oh, you do? >> yeah. tanya came on to me today, and i never saw it coming. >> well, i saw that coming from a mile away. >> me too! >> oh. that chick has been sniffing around you like a canine in a crack house. >> excuse me? >> look, man, i'm sorry, okay? i've been hanging out with renee. >> [ laughs ] look, sweetheart, i never want to go through this again. >> and we never will. so what you gonna do about tanya? >> well, don't worry about that because tanya... will not be home when we get back.

i want you to come home. >> charge! >> sorry, mister. >> how much longer do we have to wait in the car? >> yeah, are you coming home or not? >> i'm coming home! guys, guys. >> come on, everybody! come on, hang in there. look, we're paving the way for the students behind us. come on. who's still with me? >> all right, all right, milo. look, they done cut the air off. they disconnected the internet. we hungry. we haven't eaten all day. come on, now. i'm just tired of this. >> okay, listen up. i got some good news, and i got some bad news. everybody gather around, gather around. okay, stay where you are, then, if you want to. >> okay, what is the news, mr. brown? >> okay, the good news is, cora, there's no bad news. the bad news is there's no good news either. [ laughs ]

>> look, mr. brown, that's enough. enough is enough from you, too. now, it's hot. we ain't -- i ain't ate. my feet hurt. we've been here all day. now, look -- >> cora, cora, don't holler at me, and stop running up on me like that 'cause i get offensive when people run up on me. >> what do you mean? i -- >> listen! i hold in my hand the latest degree from the powers that be. >> well, hurry up and read 'em. >> they're not forcing y'all to have the backpacks! >> that's what i'm talking about. >> yes, yes, yes. unfortunately, biggie ate all the pizza. >> oh, well, we can go home now. >> uh, who's the negotiator in this piece? didn't i negotiate that thing? >> so, mr. brown, what really happened? >> cora, everything was going fine until the faculty found out they was gonna have to carry clear briefcases. >> really? >> yeah, the home-ec teacher quit. apparently she was carrying more than oregano. >> oh. >> so, ms. simmons, you were right. nonviolent protest does work. >> that's right, baby. >> uh, not so fast, wino. >> that's milo. >> whatever. the principal want to see you in his office now. >> ooh. >> it's all right. it's all right.

i'll go to the principal's office. >> all right. >> who with me? who with me? >> nobody. dead kid walking. dead kid walking. walking the green mile. get right with jesus. jolly rancher crunch n' chew. chewy inside... with a crunchy candy shell. untamed fruit flavor. jolly rancher crunch n' chew.

>> man, that was a really good movie. >> yeah. >> i can't believe they couldn't tell that that was a man in a dress. >> [ laughs ] >> obvious to me. hey, could we please stay up late tonight? >> for the last time, i said no. >> please, will. >> all right, 15 more minutes. then it's time for bed. >> okay, but you've giving us no other choice. >> oh, mr. brown!

>> yes. i am the negotiator. and joaquin and brianna would like an extra hour, and they will settle for nothing less! >> okay, how about we give you $10, a leftover slice of pizza, and a gift certificate to polyester palace if you send them to bed right now? >> move it now! go to bed! get into bed right now! move it! move it! move it! right now! let's go! let's go! let's go! [ male announcer ] now you can get a kindle fire hd,

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narrator: well, kids, here we are. we've arrived. my 30th birthday. the long-awaited story of... (bleating) ...the goat. that week started just like any other. barney woke up in some girl's bed. in my experience, the way this normally goes is, we lie here for a while, make a little awkward chitchat. check. then i make up some cabinet meeting, heart surgery, rocket test flight i've got to be at, slip out of the apartment and never call you again. and later at the bar, you tell your good friend robin the story of your latest conquest, and she thinks to herself, "who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed into bed with barney stinson?" hmm. actually, you usually say that out loud. (sighs)

so... ...i just slept with my best friend's ex-girlfriend. and i just slept with my ex-boyfriend's really good friend. best friend. okay, here's the deal, barney. the second my feet touch the ground, this never happened. okay. (sighs) wait. right click, save as... into the .bpeg folder, and okay. this never happened. it's a good plan. now we go back to exactly the way things were before. okay. okay. right. so, robin? yes, barney? guess who nailed the chick from metro news 1 last night? (chuckles) captioning sponsored by 20th century fox television okay, uh, let me take a shower,

till june, and, um, since you were never here to begin with, you won't be here when i get out. okay. okay. this never happened. (laughs) never happened. never... happened. narrator: but pretending it never happened wouldn't be that easy. ted: so, tell us, what was it like? what? penetrating that barrier. you and i are the first ones to hit it. well, not the first ones, certainly, but the first ones at this table. i... i... i... i'm... i'm... although i'm gonna be hitting it pretty soon. ted: mm-hmm. yeah, you are. yeah, and when i hit it, i'm going to go nuts. it's gonna be all night, and i think i want a clown there. i'm a little bit scared of clowns, but for you, i'm there. lily: yay. what are you talking about? the big three-oh. you know my 30th birthday is this friday. did you forget? what kind of friend is this guy? ha-ha, right. a great friend, by the way. the best.

is it my imagination, or are these drinks getting smaller? if this were a doctor's office, they'd say, "try again." (airy laugh) how you doing there, robin? i'm good. ted: oh, so, i made a decision. i'm going to go through all my old stuff, and i'm getting rid of anything i have no use for anymore. hmm. barney, you want my xbox? (gasping) ted, she has a name! and just what are you accusing me of? liking video games? i'm gonna get a drink. hmm. i'll come with you. okay. god, this is awkward. what is? being around ted. why? because of our thing. what thing? you're really gonna pretend this never happened? what never happened? hey. (whimpers) hey. what are you guys talking about? nothing. guys, you can cut the act. i know. i know about the surprise party you guys are throwing me. marshall let it slip earlier today. (mumbling) marshall. hey, i'll totally act surprised and everything. just be sure to invite stella. stella!