>> i'm ready for my trip, miss edna, to the spa. >> girl,i was so excited, i couldn't even sleep last night. >> oh, me either. >> that's because it was a full moon and you had a lot of work to do. [ howls ] how many rabbits you kill? >> i had to stay up searching for your hairline. >> [ laughs ] >> come on, cora. let's go on before we get stuck in traffic. >> all right. >> uh, cora, cora, make sure you let the window down so edna can stick her head out of it. she like that. her ears'll just be flapping. [ imitates ears flapping ] ow. where'd she go? where'd she -- where'd she -- >> that's what you get. >> i'll fight her, too. i don't mind fighting her, too. that knocked the skin off my head. my brain loose now. >> i see the cat's away, so the mice can play. >> we got rats again? i got rid of them rats. >> get down from there, mr. b. >> what's up? what's up? >> look at all this food i got

for the colonel's bachelor party. >> oh, hurry up, because i got something to do afterwards. >> what? >> put you out. >> stop playing, mr. b. >> i'm not playing. >> did you invite all the colonel's friends? >> yes. yes. i invited all two of them. >> the colonel has more than two friends. >> you coming? >> of course. >> make that three, then. >> we can't have a party with three people. >> why not? >> did you call his family? >> they're not speaking. >> what about his army buddies? >> they're not speaking, either, because they dead. >> what about his church family? >> i'm coming. i told you i'd be here. did you invite some of your fat brothers? >> they're my frat brothers. >> oh, that too. >> and they're not coming. they said old people smell like mothballs and hemorrhoid cream. >> oh, well, i'll invite a few people from the church. i'll give it -- there's nothing brings deacons together like fellowship and free food. >> oh, well, we got plenty of it. >> what you got? what you got? >> we got chips. >> uh-huh. >> and salsa. >> salsa. >> and bean dip. >> wait, wait, hold -- ixnay on the ean-bay ip-day. >> what's wrong with bean dip? >> bean dip and old men? boy, you gonna turn us into a weapon of mass destruction. don't do the bean dip. >> are you sure the colonel won't figure out what we're

doing? >> derek, the colonel still hasn't found out his fiancée [imitating edna] is a dude. >> all right, well, is there anything else, mr. b? >> yes. one more thing i should do. uh, put you out. get out. >> can you at least open the door first? >> oh, okay, i will. now get out. [ door closes ] [ dialing ] >> hey. what up, mike b? hey, do you still have that information on that joy? yeah. that joy. yeah, i need her to provide a little entertainment for this old guy's bachelor party. >> why are you sitting there so calm? i'm completely freaked out about this. what are we gonna do, simone? >> should we tell somebody? >> like who? >> your parents, maybe? you said they're pretty cool. >> nobody's parents are this cool.

we're just gonna keep this between me and you till we figure out what we're gonna do about this. >> well, maybe it's a mistake. isn't there another one in the box? >> that was the third one. simone, i'm scared. >> me too. >> ah. dinner's almost ready, baby. >> oh, great, because i'm starving. >> [ chuckles ] >> brianna, joaquin! let's go! get your butts down here! [ clapping ] >> will, honey, remember the book. >> gotcha. brianna! joaquin! get your butts down here before i grab the extension cord. >> wow. are we going for father of the year? >> ha ha. yeah, baby. i'm a quick study. >> i brought down the trash. >> oh, great. >> now i'm done with my chores. >> all right, put it back in there. >> now if you could just go wash those little hands, please. thank you very much. so nice.

oh, brianna, you look so pretty in that dress. >> really? thank you. >> yeah. and it's covering up everything so nicely. >> uh-huh. uh-huh. you are finally leaving something up to the imagination. >> yeah, and those little boys better keep their imaginations to themselves. >> [ chuckles ] >> too late for that. >> what was that? >> i said, i like your hat. >> i'm not wearing a hat. >> oh, that's your hair? >> [ laughs ] >> looked like his hair. >> bad jokes. >> i told you to get a haircut. >> oh. everybody got jokes. >> i wish my family was this cool. >> yeah, we're one big happy, dysfunctional family. >> that's about to get a little bigger. >> what do you mean? >> this is what i mean. >> wait, a pregnancy test?

will, that's not mine. >> whew. okay. all right, if it's not yours, cora's abstinent, edna doesn't live here. >> mr. brown's been looking a little baby bump-ish. >> ha. really. >> mr. brown? really? [ horn honking ] >> well, there's my mom. >> yeah. let's go. >> whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. where do you think you're going? >> i guess nowhere. >> no. sit down. brianna, i can't believe after all we've taught you, you up and let this happen? >> what? nothing has happened? >> brianna, we talked to you about birth control, and you asked us to trust you. >> can i say something? >> there's nothing for you to say. we are sick and tired of your excuses, brianna. >> i'm not pregnant. >> you're lying! the test is right here! >> fine. >> no, brianna, this is not fine. you're 16 years old. you're not ready for this. >> i know, but -- >> i am talking.

tomorrow we're gonna take you to the hospital to see the ob-gyn. >> if you would just give me a chance -- >> no. we've given you a chance. >> so you guys are just not gonna listen to me. fine. uhh! >> you know what? where's that extension cord? >> i'll help you find it. >> look at this. didn't i say two meatballs? give -- give it here. how you gonna make a to-go plate and you just got here? get out of here. the only thing that's to go is you. goodbye. see, a disobedient child will number his days. i tell you what. look. listen up. everybody, listen up. i said it once, and this is the last time i'm gonna say it. there's a two-meatball limit. colonel, you can get three because this is your party, but everybody else, two.

count it. two. thank you very much. sir, thank you for being so obedient to the lord's call. you know what? just for that, you just earned yourself a second glass of punch. i got it. we out of punch, but you'll get your reward in heaven. just wait. okay, i'm gonna go refresh the fruit before they realize the bottom ones are fake. >> oh! >> okay, deacon lowe, i'll get something for that tooth in a minute. don't swallow it. >> i was just about to come get you, mr. b. >> for what? >> meet joy. she's the entertainment for the night. >> oh, joy. hey, such a spiritual name. i bet you're going to touch us all with your talents. >> okay, but that's gonna cost you extra. >> all right, uh, joy, why don't you get yourself ready and i'll go set up the music? yeah! >> it's nice to meet you, joy. ooh, i bet you with a name like joy, your daddy must be a pastor. >> [ chuckles ] so, so what? are you going on first? >> going on first to do what?

>> well, i thought you were gonna juggle since you're dressed like a clown. >> a clown? how many clowns you know dress like this? >> all of them. >> well, your clothes ain't exactly up-to-date, neither, with them fishnet stockings on. >> ha. really? >> yes. >> well, this is coming off. >> aah! she's -- aah! aah! aah! aah! aah! aah! >> what's wrong, mr. b? >> i was standing there, and she opened up her dress, made everything -- bam. just like that. and i didn't -- she flashed me, showed her business. >> oh. >> i can't see that. >> yeah, that's the business i want to get in. >> you gonna have your own wing in hell. you shouldn't look up on her like that. >> i thought we were having a bachelor party, not a bible study. >> is there a problem? >> no. >> yes. look, i thought you came here to make a joyful noise unto the lord, not show us your iniquity. >> well, look, believe me, when i start to do my thing, all of those men will be making a joyful noise.

>> hey! you're not going in there. you're coming over here. >> mr. brown, why would i hire a singer for a bachelor party? how many bachelor parties have you been to? >> counting this one? one. >> look, can we get this party started, because after this, i got a bar mitzvah. >> you ain't going in there. you going this way. >> okay, fine. just pay me my money, and i'm out. >> i ain't paying you nothing. >> oh, really? >> oh, really. >> well, we will see about that when boo-rock has you hanging over a balcony. >> b-b-b-b-b-boo-rock? that name sound like it come with two strikes. and you better stop wiggling your neck at me. you ain't no fish on no hook, so you don't be wiggling at me! pay the lady, derek. >> what? i don't have that kind of money. normally, we take up a collection to pay the entertainment. >> you think you gonna get some stripper money from a room full of church folk? you're not doing it. >> okay, so, wait, hold on. you got a room full of church people who don't know you hired me? >> that's right, jezebel. >> well, listen, joseph with the technicolor dream clothes,

either pay me my money, or i'm-a show them my honey. >> oh, no, you're not. oh, she touched my arm. i done sinned! aah! here, i got to sprinkle some -- lord, help me, for i have just put something on -- uhh. what can i -- vamanos dusty! the fans await! roger that. so, el chu... what do i do? i've never done this before! just smile and be yourself! oh! it's dusty crophopper! over here! dusty!!! hey! aaaaaagh! wow! so many fans! dusty my friend, don't let it go to your head. you have to stay humble... like me! aaaaaaaah-ha-ha-hiiiiiiy! fly into target for everything planes. if you like options, we've got lots of them. burger bites, boneless wings, potato skins, and more. choose any three for just $9.99 for a limited time. chili's triple dipper. more life happens here.

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>> hmm. whoo. we definitely should've got that extension cord. >> this is not the time, will. >> baby, would you sit down?

you are making me nervous. >> how do you want me to sit down? brianna is pregnant. >> sit down. oh, now i can't sit down. you know what? i'll bet it was jamal. mm-hmm. coming over our house all the time, talking about he's there to "study." >> will, brianna and jamal are just friends. >> yeah, well, obviously too friendly. >> okay, would you sit down? you're making me nervous. god. that little girl's gonna have to grow up way too fast. >> huh. so will we. here she is. >> oh, god. paula, how is she? >> why are you asking her? i'm standing right here. >> don't be rude. >> thank you. >> well, come on, baby. what does it say? >> i'm not pregnant. >> she's not pregnant. >> you're not pregnant?

>> okay, wait. brianna, but the pregnancy test. >> test? the test was simone's. >> simone's? >> yeah. >> why didn't you tell us the test was simone's? >> maybe because you didn't ask me. >> okay, you let us come all the way out here knowing that you weren't pregnant? >> i tried to tell you -- >> and spend all this time worrying about you. >> see, you're doing it again. you're not listening to me. >> huh? >> you always assume the worst and accuse me of not listening. but sometimes y'all need to listen, too. >> brianna, we do listen to you. >> no, you don't. i tried to tell you that i wasn't pregnant, and you didn't believe me. >> you're right. you know what? you're right. we didn't believe you, and obviously, we should have. >> we're sorry, bri. >> [ sighs ] look, obviously, we need to do a better job communicating, because we can't just talk. we need to learn how to listen,

too. >> wait, where are you going? >> i'm gonna go convince simone to talk to her parents. i got you guys to listen to me, and she needs her folks to listen to her. >> look, woman, we gonna get you your money. just don't go in this living room and don't call boo-boo. >> boo-rock. >> girl, you don't work for the president. >> brown, what's going on? i thought this was a party. >> yeah, and all the wings are gone. >> and we don't have any more breasts. >> don't you say nothing about breasts. zip it. >> hey, is this the entertainment? >> well, yes, i am, except that these two are trying to stiff me out of my money. >> uh, how much is the donation? >> $200. >> we can get that. >> yeah. we can easily get that.

>> if i miss heaven 'cause of this -- if i miss heaven -- >> if you don't get into heaven, it's because of the dress code. >> listen, this young lady is gonna perform for colonel jackson's party. >> yes. >> we need a love offering of $200. everyone... >> don't do it. she only take devil dollars. >> oh, brown, leave her alone. let her share her god-given talents. >> that ain't all she sharing that god giveth her. >> yeah, if the meatballs don't kill you, this will. >> [ laughs ] >> young lady, we have $197. >> wait, wait, wait. she's my guest. put something on it. there you go. >> make that $197.50. here, young lady. take this here. >> what? >> the floor is yours. >> hold up. wait a minute. >> what now, brown? >> let me put some prayer in it. okay, everybody, grab hands and let's pray. come on. pray.

you get in the middle, you sinner. okay. bow your heads. oh, sweet baby jesus that died on the cross for our sins, we thank that you forgive us for our sins. we thank you for forgiving us when we could've just died in our sins and you forgived us. we even thank you for people that are praying with their eyes open. close your eyes. and we ask that you would just help us. help us. everybody help us, lord -- >> what is going on in here? >> oops. >> uh, lord, i didn't know you was gonna help us like this, but this'll do. >> i thought you weren't planning on a bachelor party. >> well, i didn't plan it. brown did. i just came for the meatballs. >> yeah, right. >> i didn't plan it. derek did. >> so you just gonna blame me? >> yeah. you younger than i am. you'll heal quicker. >> i thought you wasn't coming back until tomorrow. >> we spent all our shopping money. >> huh, but who this woman?

>> uh, i'm the entertainment. >> yeah, she's getting ready to perform. >> uh, uh, do i need to pray one more time? >> no. no. >> cora, forgive me. i -- i went and accidentally hired a -- one of them -- >> ♪ amazing grace ♪ how sweet the sound ♪ that saved... >> go up high. >> ♪ a wretch like me >> do a run. >> ♪ i once was lost ♪ but now i'm found >> go down with it. >> ♪ was blind but now i see >> help me, cora. [ applause ] >> mr. brown! >> yeah! >> thank you! thank you for just singing. she just sang a song. >> whoa. that's it? i want my 50 cents back. >> there.

>> you have a beautiful voice. >> of course. >> yes, and a beautiful -- >> watch it. >> spirit. spirit. a beautiful spirit. >> i just haven't sang that song in so many years. >> you couldn't tell. >> we have a church home for you if you're willing to join. >> well, thank you. i'll think about that. you know what? >> why you looking? >> let me give this back to the church for a donation. >> oh, thank you. god bless you, darling. god bless. >> oh, you so sweet. i don't care what they say about you. you know what? i tell you what. here. you get you -- you get you some -- here. give you two meatballs. you know what? better yet, you take you three. >> come on, colonel. i got a little private bachelor party for you. >> ohh! >> oh, wow. can't wait. >> colonel, good luck at the petting zoo. you already got your hat. now you got your horse. >> [ whinnies ] >> ride him, miss edna! ride him! [ laughs ]

>> all right, gentlemen, the math is simple. if you divide 3 into 65, you get 28. there should've been a lot more meatballs. everybody was supposed to get two. colonel, you got an extra one and a doggy bag for that rottweiler you call your

fiancée. >> brown, this is ridiculous. >> i'm talking. as we can all see, there's just two left. >> mr. b, what is the point of this? >> the point is there is a thief in the temple. take your hat off. and we not leaving till -- >> oh! >> what'd i tell you? i know how many meatballs are supposed -- get up. everybody get up and get out now. oh, i'll get my pistol, and somebody'll be moved. somebody gonna get out. xx

>> you hear that? >> he-- >> shh, don't say nothing. don't say nothing. you'll mess it up. i love the sound of no sound. >> curtis! >> it's beautiful. [ laughs ] whoo! i am so glad janine took them kids to be with her parents for a few days. it makes me want to give you a big kiss. >> mm, mm, mm. well, handle your business, big dadddy. >> i handle my business. >> both: mwah! [ both chuckle ] you think them parents will adopt them while they out there? >> curtis! >> what? >> now, don't do that. now, janine is excited to see her parents. after all, this is the first time she has seen them since she got out of the rehab. >> whatever. [ telephone rings ] >> yello. this is curtis payne.

what? oh, oh, oh, oh! yeah, yeah, yeah. yes. no, i'm interested. i'm very interested. i just -- i need to discuss it with my family, though. okay. well, i'll tell you what -- i'll discuss it. we'll have a little meeting, and then i'll call you back aspca. okay. a-a-all right. all right. good afternoon. o-okay, i'll talk to you later. [ mumbles ] ooh. yes! >> okay, baby, who was that? >> you don't want to know who that was. >> why? what are you talking about? >> that's gonna change our life forever -- that call right there. >> who was it, baby? >> that was my boss. >> okay. >> my boss want to know, how would i like to be the fire chief? ugh! >> aah! uh?! babe, you are already the fire chief! >> no, baby. you don't even get it. i'm not talking about a regular

fire chief. i'm talking about the fire chief of the whole city! >> curtis! curtis! oh, babe, that is -- what?! ♪ wonderful... >> you bet your butt it is. and that's a g bet. hello! [ laughs ] >> curtis, don't do that, baby. this is just what you wanted. >> yes. >> to be the head of all the fire stations. >> of all the stations. >> yes! yes! >> every station in the city, i'm the man. >> curtis, congratulations, baby. >> there's just one minor detail. >> what? what? >> nothing big. it ain't nothing. [ chuckles ] i probably need to mention it, you know, just because you should know. >> okay, baby, what? >> [ mumbling] yeah, it's in -- it's in los angeles. >> wait, wait. it's what? >> it's over across the street, over a little. los angeles. >> it's over across the street in the what, baby? say it right here. what? >> [ mumbles ] >> [ laughs ] oh, curtis, get out of here. >> get out of here. california?!

>> the sunshine. >> what are you talking about? head of the fire stations in california? >> the whole city of los angeles, baby. >> curtis, you can't take that. >> there's a lot of naked womens running around. i mean...a lot of churches. they have so many churches there, it's like... >> it's like what? >> i'll -- i'll go with you. >> where? >> to the...church. los angeles! ♪ reinforced with scratch- resistant glass and a unibody made kevlar strong. okay google now. call my droid. the new droid ultra by motorola. when strength matters, droid does.

could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. yep, everybody knows that. well, did you know the ancient pyramids were actually a mistake? uh-oh. geico. fifteen minutes could save you...well, you know. >> hey! >> hey, honey. mwah. mmm. ok, lisa, i want you to meet the wonderful man that i've been taking about. c.j., lisa. lisa, c.j. >> hi. nice to meet you. i heard so much about you. >> likewise. >> well, have a seat. >> okay. sit down. >> so, how long are you visiting? >> just for the weekend. >> yeah, i was telling him how, you know, we've been friends for years, known each other since

the fourth grade. >> so, c.j., you treating tanya right? >> oh, yeah, yeah. you don't have to worry about that. i'm treating her like the princess that she is. this is my queen! >> and he's my king. >> well, if you don't, i'll beat you like you stole something. >> should i be scared? >> [ laughing ] oh, honey, don't worry. her bark is bigger than her bite. she grills all my new boyfriends. >> yeah, just like her last one, charles. that man had so many kids, he could have started his own marching band. so, c.j., how many children do you have? >> two. two wonderful children, yeah. >> by the same mother? >> lisa, stop it. >> just asking. >> well, if you must know, yes. yes, by the same mother, whom i happened to be married to once. >> oh! divorced. so any baby-mama drama? >> well, uh... >> [ laughs ] i knew it. i knew you were too good to be

true. >> okay, lisa, that's enough, really, enough. >> okay, okay, okay. i just have one last question. >> no. >> no, it's okay, tanya. lisa -- she can ask me anything. i'm cool with it. go ahead, lisa. ask me anything. >> okay, all right. um, are you on the down-low? >> lisa! >> hey, hey, hey, you got to ask nowadays, okay? >> no, no, no, no. i ain't on no down-low, sweet'n low, no kind of -- don't ask me no damn question like that. >> okay, well, if that's the case, how many women have you dated in the last year? >> okay, lisa, you know what? you said one more question. >> this is just a follow-up. >> act like you the police or something. >> yeah, that's right. new york's finest. >> i forgot to tell you that. >> well, i'm a fireman. and one badge to another, you don't intimidate me. >> [ scoffs ] [ chuckles ] >> my turn. >> okay.

>> how many kids you got? >> none, but that's because i am intelligent and i have foresight. the last thing the world needs is another broken home. hint, hint. >> no. no, no, no, no, no. the last thing the world needs is another mad black woman with an attitude. hint, hint, hint! >> well, i guess it's a good thing i'm not a mad black woman with an attitude. >> how many dates you been on in the last two years? >> well, none, but that is because i am a very busy person. what am i doing explaining myself to you? who are you to ask me about my relationships? >> who are you to come in here talking about somebody on the down-low? you ain't nobody. nobody know you. >> ding, ding, ding! ding, ding, ding! ding, ding! i said ding. okay, you know what? back to your corners, okay, guys, you know? come on. the only fighting i want to see is at, you know, shoe loft, you know? i would do anything for an open-toed sling-back, you

know, pair of shoes, half off. come on, all right? come on, let's have some fun. grab your bag. come on, honey. >> i was about to get gully, take it to the streets on you. >> oh, whatever. you know, a guy said that to me last week. you know what i did? i hit him over the head with my billy club. >> that don't mean nothing to me. i got a plate in my head. >> oh, stop it. >> baby, baby, do you realize los angeles has the largest fire departments in the whole country? >> [ sarcastically ] that's great, honey. >> whoo! i'm so excited! i'm so excited! [ laughs ] baby, do you know what kind of honor this is? >> curtis. >> huh? i mean, you have to be recommended by the mayor. the mayor, ella. and then still you got to be voted in by the city councilor and three other white people i don't even know. >> okay, curtis, baby, listen. um...

i know you're excited about your little job opportunity, okay? but i have to be honest, curtis. i don't want to leave atlanta. i like our home. i like this. >> but -- but, ella... ella, you lo... ella, come on. come on, this? come on, baby. atlanta, los angeles, what's the difference, huh? they both got an "l" and an "a" in their name. they both got bad traffic. >> curtis, listen, baby. we haven't really even discussed this, okay? what about c.j. and the kids? >> they can't go. >> curtis. >> okay, what if we let c.j. rent the house? >> i don't want to leave my friends and the church and the help center. >> what does the help center -- the help center?! >> i just don't know about this. >> ella, ella, ella, we can be in sunny l.a., baby, walking on the beach.

>> or, curtis, we can just stay right here in hot-lanta. i'll walk you outside... and choke you in the streets. baby... i don't want to go. >> my mom said you was back here. i thought you were going to the mall with tanya. >> i did. i went. and i had to shake tanya's friend lisa, too. man, that girl is a trip. i mean, straight drama. boy, she grilled me more than george foreman. i'm telling you, she had the nerve to ask me -- me of all people -- am i on the down-low. >> [ laughs ] >> what's so funny about that? >> i mean, you do ride a pink and purple bike. >> what's wrong with you? i should crack you with this wrench. >> just playing.

dang. >> i think the girl is just mad 'cause she don't have a man, that's all. >> oh, so she's a hater, huh? i can't stand women like that -- you know, the kind that get upset 'cause you don't give them no play. >> the bottom line is, i want this girl to get back on the plane and take her butt back to new york. >> you know what? you should cook for them. every woman loves a man that can throw down. >> honey, that dinner was delicious. >> oh, thank you, baby. i thought you would like the pasta. >> personally, i thought the pasta was overcooked, and the sauce tasted like it came out of a can. >> well, that's funny, lisa, because you usually like takeout from demarco's. >> takeout? you mean c.j. didn't cook this? >> no. c.j. doesn't cook. >> oh, well, you probably left it sitting out too long. >> you know what? that's it. i mean, that's it. we both know that i can't do nothing right when it comes to you. i think you jealous of this relationship. >> [ laughs ] no, no, no, no, no. i am not jealous, okay? i just think that she could do better. tanya could find someone who

doesn't have kids and an ex-wife who live with him in his uncle's house. >> well, you know what? c.j. is perfect for me. and if you could find a man and keep a man, maybe you'd understand that, right, honey? >> yes, baby. >> okay, i'm sorry. [ chuckles ] i guess i had a little too much to drink. ooh, and you had a little too much to eat. it's all between your teeth. >> excuse me. i'll be right back. >> oh, no, no, here, here. let me help you with that. >> oh, you want to help now? >> yeah, c.j., that really was just the wine talking. i actually think in all honesty that a man taking care of his kids is, you know, respectable. and kind of, you know, sexy. >> a compliment. oh, from you? okay. >> yeah, i'm not always mean. oh, wait, hold on.

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>> hey, guys, what's going on? >> i was just telling c.j. how much i admire him for taking care of his kids. >> oh, see, lisa, that's nice. that is really very nice. thank you. honey, isn't that nice? c.j., come on. you're being rude. lisa's trying to be nice. >> yeah, c.j., lighten up. >> oh, okay, you know what? i think we could all use some laughs, so why don't we head down to the comedy shack? that would be fun. oh, come on. you guys mean so much to me, both of you. i really wish you could just kiss and make up. >> [ laughs weakly ] >> that's fine with me. >> all right, fellas, i need to talk to you. got a little bad news for you,

but sometimes, all good things come to an end. >> wait, wait, wait. hold on, pop. don't tell me you about to kick me out. i just moved back in. if anything -- if anything, c.j. should be the one to leave. >> me? you the one that just got a job. >> okay, hold on. both of you, be quiet. just stop it. both of you, sit down. now, this is not about either of you. this is about me being the fire chief in los angeles. >> los angeles? >> yes. >> what about us? >> what about mom? >> what do you mean, what about your mother? your mother do what i say do. >> you sure about that? >> yeah, i'm sure about that. what you think? you don't know that? come on, you don't know -- i'm the king of this castle. if i say, "cross the street," she gonna cross the street and run over and catch the chicken and bring the chicken back and fry it for me. hey, baby. how are you? ooh, god. and i love her like that. uh, baby, i was just telling them how we thinking about going to california. >> no, that's not what you said. >> huh? >> you said you was taking the

job in california. >> okay, will you shut up? why you gonna tell me that? i know what i said. i said, we thinking about moving to california. >> well, baby, i've decided. >> you -- you going? >> yeah, we're going. >> yes! >> no, no, no, no, no. mom, mom, mom. >> what you doing? what you doing? >> who's gonna do my laundry? >> curtis -- >> that's your problem. do your own laundry. >> mama, who gonna give me money? >> curtis, baby, you got a job. >> well, what about me and the kids? where are we gonna stay? >> you can stay at the vacant lot where your house burned down. you're still paying on it. >> c.j., no. baby, we've already discussed that about you, and, baby, we just said that you guys could just move in here and just pay rent. >> oh, oh, i got first dibs on the master suite. >> no, no, no, that's mine. that's mine as soon as i get the mothball smell out. >> well, who's gonna take over as fire chief at the firehouse? >> please.

you a volunteer. it's on you, nephew. you have to take over -- well, until the city, you know, hires somebody else to permanently take the job. >> yeah, i got that. >> wait, he's bad luck. he'll probably burn down the firehouse. >> [ laughs ] that's funny. >> y'all sure y'all don't want to take cousin calvin with y'all to california? >> both: yes. >> aunt ella, you don't want to go to california. they got mud slides and earthquakes and fires. >> well, baby, they also got denzel and blair underwood. i'm good. >> and they got halle berry. [ knock on door ] >> hey. >> hey. lisa told me what she did. >> she did? >> mm-hmm. she came clean. >> she -- wow. i mean, i'm glad 'cause that was -- i really, really felt

uncomfortable about the whole thing. >> yeah, so was she. you know what? i'm gonna go to the bathroom. and why don't you two just take a moment to talk, okay? and, lisa, apologize to him. >> okay. so, uh...apologize. >> well, i told tanya i was sorry about the pasta... but i really liked the chicken fettuccine. >> huh? get off of me! >> come on, c.j. tanya might hear us. >> yeah. tanya already heard you. what's going on? >> i am so glad you're here because your man was trying to come on to me. >> what? no, i wasn't trying to come on to her. >> lisa, i saw you trying to kiss him. >> girl, we were just -- we were just playing. [ chuckles ] >> playing? c.j. is my man, okay? why don't you go get your own man? >> okay, wait a minute.

i didn't get upset when you kissed my man. >> what man? >> billy. >> billy from the fourth grade? >> she crazy. >> lisa, we were kids! >> so? he was still my man. look, tanya, ever since elementary school, you have always had the cute guys. >> but, lisa, what does that have to do with now? i mean...c.j. was right about you all along. >> i told you. she crazy. >> come on, tanya, look, all right? i'm your girl. can't you forgive me? >> yeah. i can forgive you. but i can also forget you. >> oh, now, wait a minute. come on. you're not gonna let him come between us. >> oh, this has nothing to do with him. it is all about you. >> holla. [ chuckles softly ] >> baby, psh. that was -- [ smooches ]

that was class. >> i'm sorry. >> it was class. i'm sorry about your girlfriend. >> ohh. >> bam. bam. >> what are you doing? >> oh, i'm having a yard sale. i'm getting rid of all this junk, and then i'm gonna turn this into a bachelor pad. [ chuckles ] >> junk? but janine and the kids will still be here, so this will not be a bachelor's pad. >> yes, it will. they'll be staying in the garage. >> but you -- you got $3.00 on my lamp. this is a good lamp. this is my favorite lamp. >> oh, no, i'm not selling it for $3.00. i'm giving someone $3.00 to take it. >> what? >> hey, what's -- what's going on? >> oh. i'm having a yard sale. bam. >> okay, calvin, calm down, baby. there is no need for a yard sale. we will not be leaving.

>> why not? >> we looked at some of the prices in l.a. for them houses. man, it's ridiculous. we'd do better just commuting from here. >> the truth is... he did not get the job. [ imitating curtis ] okay?! you heard me? [ chuckles ] [ normal voice ] listen, they gave it to cletus payne. you remember him, right? >> no, i don't remember him. who is he, ella? >> oh, curtis! [ male announcer ] now you can get a kindle fire hd,

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>> ta-da! >> hey, baby, what's all this? >> well, we couldn't go to l.a., so i thought i'd just bring a little l.a. to you. >> okay. thank you. >> mm-hmm. [ chuckles ] >> both: mmm. mwah. mwah. >> baby, are we in l.a. or in hawaii? >> can you just play along, please? >> okay, i'll play along. >> these? we ain't gonna sit on this either. >> i'm gonna sit on it. >> don't sit on that. >> why don't you want me to sit down on it? >> curtis, just don't sit down on that. i don't know how sturdy that is, baby. curtis! don't you sit -- aah! okay. >> this is nice. >> well, curtis... >> what? >> if you are nice to me, i'll, um, make your earth quake for you later on. ba-do, ba-do, ba-ba-do >> oh. [ laughs ] oh, it's working! it's working. >> ah, see that? curtis, i'm through. >> ooh. ooh. >> curtis!

don't do that. >> ooh. >> curtis, i said -- curtis, don't do it. you turn it over, i'm gonna turn you over. >> it's a -- ahh! don't do it! >> it's a mud slide. >> it's a mud slide! curtis, now, don't you dare. don't you dare.

i tell you, douglas, that bank is stealing my money. for the last time, it's a service charge. get in the car. thieves! it's a dollar. let it go. can you give me a second, please? it's locked. i know. you gotta wait one sec, ok? try it now? no, no, not yet. every time-- now? no, not yet. when you keep-- now? now? one sec. now? now? now?! step away from the car! sit down on the curb. i'll come around and let you in! oy. captioning made possible by sony pictures television

hey, honey, come here. what? what now? i got my boxes out of storage today. look at all this. your mother's old things-- ukulele, communist party literature.

oh, and here we go. i think you know what these are. your photo albums. i've seen those... a lot. come on, it's gonna happen. don't fight it. uh, honey? we're out of jerky, huh? oh, you're right. i am so sorry. why don't you come have a seat right there. sit right there. and i'm gonna go... do something else. honey! ah, here's another beaut. ocean city, 1958. that's me in the pompadour. there we are in hershey, pennsylvania, getting the chocolate tour. and there's what a flesh-eating bacteria

can do to the human hand. there's the lake at camp wigwam, and there's me in the trenches with mickey dugan right after his leg got blown off. wow. maybe you should think about organizing these a little, huh? what do you mean? oh, i don't know. maybe get 2 books, you know? one for family stuff, and one for bloody carnage. look at that. little carrie. look at her there. what is she, about 10? yeah. heh heh heh. oh, look at her here. she's just a little baby in the bathtub. look at that tushie. i could just bite it. that's me. organize these, would you?! hey, who's that? oh. that's my first wife sophia. carrie's mom. it is? yeah. that's up in the catskills, about a year before she passed. wow, i didn't-- i didn't realize she was so...