uh-huh, uh-huh. so, you're sayin' it's just me, then? no, i'm not saying anything. just that i do the food drive. ahh, i make me sick. i mean, look how lucky we are, you know? look what we got. we got chairs, curtains, bowls on the wall-- couldn't a hungry kid be eating out of that bowl? that's a light fixture. still, a hungry child could be eating out of it. but no, no, no, i've got to have my precious light. so, do something. become a big brother. i know, i should. it's just--my schedule. i don't have the time. honey...sweetie... you flick a lot of cards. that's my hobby. honey, i'm just saying, deacon has the same exact job you do, and 2 kids, and he manages to find the time. i know, and he doesn't even tell anybody about it. he's not even in it for the publicity. [telephone rings]

hello? oh, hi, doug. doug pruzan. he's on of the lawyers from the jamaica trip. i'm sorry about that. yeah, what's up? oh, you know what? the document didn't come in till after 6:00, so i'll get it notarized in the morning. yeah. ok. got it. ok, doug. i love you. bye. that i loved him? mm-hmm. do you? no! i said "doug," and the "i love you" just slipped out right behind it. so call him back. i can't. he was calling me from the plane. well, it's noisy in there, you know. maybe he didn't hearou or understand what you said. well, what if he did? then love him the best you can.

what's up? ah, nothin' much. just fillin' out my application to become a big brother. really? yeah, yeah. i'm gonna be a big bro. have a little bro. do bro stuff. all right. i guess i rubbed off on you a little, huh? yeah, a little. well, welcome to the ranks. thanks. "douglas s. heffernan." what's your middle name? steven. huh. what's yours? john. hmm. whoa. they want you to commit to once a week for a year? yeah, at's a normal thing. wow. can't i take this kid out for a test drive? throw him up on the lift, make sure he's not rusty underneath. kiddin', man. i'm kiddin'. you know it's a serious commitment, right? yeah, i know. what, you think i don't know that? well, it's just you gotta follow through with this. i mean, this can't be like when you said you were gonna have washboard abs by christmas.

hey, i would've if i hadn't gotten the flu. uh, excuse me, doug. yeah? can i talk to you for a second? sure, carrie. so, i go all those papers notarized, and it's on its way to claybourne's office. great. thank you. is that it? well, uh, yeah. that i heard you when you asked me to do all that stuff. 'cause, you know, airplane phones--wow! connection was fine. so, then, you heard me...ok? all the way through? i think so. yeah. even, like, at the end where i might have said

something a little weird? like what? like, uh... possibly... "i love you" or-- so you did say it? huh. thought i imagined that. yeah, did you? yeah, how about that? anyway, the thing is, i gotta tell you some-- oh, doug, come on. we've got to get the conference room. the depo's starting. oh, ok, i'm coming. um, we should talk. let's pu a pin in this. yeah, quick-- quick thing-- i'm sorry. i have to go. uh, we definitely should talk later, ok? ok. ok. don't--don't love you, doug. [doorbell rings] little bro time. all right, you know what? the kid doesn't have a father. he probably doesn't care where the pillows are. hey, buddy. oh, hey. i just got off work. wanted to see if you wanted to grab a slice of 'za

and go catch the knicks game. ok, first of all, calling pizza 'za stopped being cool in '82. second of all, i can't. oh. fine. all right, see you. i guess you probably want to know why i can't? all right. no, that's ok. i'm sure you have a good reason. i do have a good reason. i got a damn good reason. so stop ridin' me, ok? can't. all right. what's up with you? fine. i will tell you, ok? i signed up to be a big brother. you? well, good for you. my little brother's on his way over right about now. just thought i'd boomerang a little back to society. it's what i do. you know, deacon a big brother, but doesn't advertise it. doug? oh, hey, barbara. good to see you again. you. good-bye. doug, i'd like you to meet your new little brother jason. hey, there he is. kiddo, what's up? i'm doug. man, how are you? hi. jason, your mom will pick you up at 5:00, ok? mm-hmm. all right. have fun. yeah. take care.

so, you're jason, huh? mm-hmm. hey, have a seat, man. take a load off. yeah, sit back. all right. heh heh. brothers. big, little. this is great, huh? i guess. hey, you want to go to the batting cages? you know, grab a couple heroes. you like batting cages? not really. ok, how about the heroes? you like heroes? nah. ok. cool, cool, cool. that's all right. we'll just chill out here then, you know? the two of us. [whispering] yeah. oh, i am spraying way too much whip cream on this thing. yeah, crazy how much whip cream's on here, huh?

you want to watch this? i don't care. oh! how about this? ants, huh? they got a whole world goin' on... just below the surface. well, thanks. ok, yeah, this was great. this was terrific, man. i'll see you next week. heh he yee-ha! ok, one week down, 51 to go. hey. hey. so, how'd it go with your little brother? did you hit it off? did you--did you bond? uh, yeah, about that-- i want to run somethin' by you. and keep an open mind. what? i'm not sure, but i'm-- leanin' towards dumping my little brother. what are you talking about? i think i got a bad one. i did, i got a bad kid. "bad"? bad, how? what, did he pull a knife on you?

a knife would have been great. i would have loved a knife. at least it would have ended the afternoon early. i'm tellin' you, i got nothin' from this kid. nothin'. well, even so, you can't just bail. i mean, this is not like the time when you ordered that ab-roller thing, and you wound up-- i got the flu! boy: ooh, uhh! oh, body blow! body blow! [japanese accent] oh, you have dishonored me. now i must kill you. hello, uncle. welcome to hong kong. man: come on, stu. oh, my dad's here. i gotta go. oh, uh, really? ok, stu, take it easy. hey, i'm here every sunday! hey, how's that pretzel workin' out for you? fine. ok.

heh heh, hey. hey, buddy, what are you doin' here, n? at mortal komb. hey, man, you're the one that's goin' down. that's big talk from 4 feet off the floor. what? huh? [laughing] oh, man! oh! so, how's it goin' with you guys? oh, are you kiddin' me? it's goin' great. yeah, it's goin' good. we're just takin' a breather right now, but earlier we were gettin' wild, weren't we? whoo, whoo-- ow! oh, god. i'm sorry. are you all right? you all right? i'm sorry. he's gonna be ok. he's good. he's good. he's good. i got a tough guy. got a tough guy. hey, you know what? we should hang out, the 4 of us some time. what do you say? hey, that would be great, man, yeah. maybe we could do some kid-swap thing. you know, you take mine, i take yours. how about sunday? eddie and i are running a 10k to raise money for heart disease. 10k? that sounds cool. we would totally be into it, too, except that i have a medical condition. i'm huge. plus, i don't think that's your sort of thing, is it, j-man? actually...my dad died of heart disease.

you don't say? a marathon. yeah. good idea. ok, it's not a marathon, it's a 10k. do you even know how long a k is? no. do you? no. but if it's longer than a foot, you're in trouble, buddy. i can do it. doug, you once considered putting a chair halfway up the stairs. do you realize this kid's father died of heart disease? yeah, and how is your dying gonna help that? my body won't let me die. i'll vomit and pass out way before that happens. come on, i'm serious. hey, you're the one who wanted me to try to break through to him. can't you do something else? can't you guys go skateboarding or... get pierced? i know what i'm doing, ok? and i'm gonna finish this race. i don't care if i have to slither across the finish line with my nipples. just back it off, ok? i'm about to ratchet up the tension.

save a little for tomorrow. carrie. hi. oh, hey, doug. this a good time to talk? yes, yes, it's perfect. so, carrie... where are we at here? uh, here--here-- here's the thing, doug. i hope you don't think i'm an idiot, but my husband's name is also doug, so when i was on the phone with you when i sadoug, the words i love you, they jt came out automatically, you see? like, ah-choo and god bless you. they're a team. that's what this was? don't love you. well, i was on the plane and you said that, and i was like, whoa, where'd that come from? right, right. it's a funny story though, huh?

yeah, it's funny. well, i guess i shouldn't have dumped my fiancée and gotten us springsteen tickets. heh heh. guess not. wow. fourth row. um...i gotta make a phone call. nice butt, though. race announcer: attention, please. the race will start in one minute. all runners, please make sure you're checked in and proceed to the starting area. all right, we got-- we got a minute. so let's, uh, let's start to get loose here, ok? ok. i'm gonna show you a couple stretches i learned from my varsity football days... many moons ago. oh, speaking of moons, i better hike these up. remember, crack kills. all right, first stretch here is gonna stretch out the hamstrings, ok? now just stretch it down and feel the stretch. just get into it, you know? you feel-- aah! god!

let's go with the hands. just shake the hands. look, man, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. i want to do-- i want to do this. believe me. hey, you know what? i was gonna run 10ks today anyway. might as well stamp out a disease at the same time. hey, there you are. you guys made it. yeah. wow. you're really punishing that lycra. hey, somebody's lookin', i know that much. race announcer: runners to the starting positions, please. hey, want to run together? uh, yeah, sure. i gotta warn you though, they slipped me a few bucks to be the rabbit today. race announcer: runners, on your mark... [starter pistol fires] all right. feels good. pushin' it to the limit. how far we gone? just under a k. all right. i would have thought a little more, but...ok. time to start pacing myself.

doug: ok, stay focused. you can this. all right, the pain is all in your mind. it's all...in your mind. although the nosebleed, that wasefinitely real. and the shin splints, those are angry. whoop. just threw up a little. doug! what are you doin' here? i am worried about you. come on, stop it. this is crazy. i'm fine. leave me alone. doug, you're gonna have a heart attack. and this is a race against heart disease! so, it'll be a push. come on, just get in the car. look, look. i have soda. i'm finishing this thing. fine. i'll meet you at the finish line. are those my shorts?

no! drive away! hey, buddy. just takin' a break. you don't look so good. are you kiddin' me? i'm fine. i wish i wasn't layin' on a rock, but i'm fine. i got you somethin'. oh, thanks, buddy. i think you're gonna have to help me up. yeah...all right. ohh...ok. oh. so, uh, how'd you do? i did pretty good. i was like 48th or something. 48th? are you kiddin' me? i'm proud of you, jason. that's unbelievable. thanks. unbelievable. that's good. that's very good, 48. you could have come in, like, 56, and that would have still been good. captioning made possible by sony pictures television

captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org-- public performance of captions prohibited without permission of national captioning institute

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>> 2, 3, 4, is that venus? i wonder where serena is. [laughter] >> hey, mr. brown. >> hey, cora. oh, lord. hey, sasquatch. >> what are you doing? >> i'm sitting here counting, uh, the cracks in the ceiling until y'all interrupted me. >> what? >> now i got to start all over. there's 3, 4, 5. there go earth. >> man, why are you doing that? >> 'cause there ain't nothing else to do around here. where are y'all about to go? >> we're about to go have lunch. >> oh, where we going? >> you want to come, too? >> yes, yes. >> oh, man...well, that's a great idea. >> well, i'll go unless y'all ashamed of me to go with y'all. >> oh, no, no, no, no, we're not. >> you sure? >> i'm ashamed. unh, unh. it's just that, ha ha, it's a date. >> right, it's a date. yeah, it's a date. >> well, go on y'all little date. i just be sitting here by

myself lonely. i hope i don't die, because people die and people don't find their bodies till buzzards is just boozing around and they body is stinkin' and decayed and decrepit. >> he looks so pitiful. >> [sighs] >> look at him. >> baby, he always looks pitiful. >> not this pitiful. >> how about we stay here for lunch? >> because he's here. that's why we were going out. okay, fine. >> good. cora, what we going to eat? >> a big bowl of three's a crowd. >> well, i have some leftover meat loaf. would you like a sandwich? >> yeah, cora, i want to put some pickles and mayonnaise on mine. >> pickles and mayonnaise. >> hey, i'm gonna get my swim stuff. >> okay, okay. >> cora, i'm gonna go upstairs, and we gonna come back outside. we gonna play in the water. i'm gonna get the water hose and wet y'all up. we're gonna have fun! whoo! yeah! >> i am so sorry. i'm so sorry about him, reggie. i didn't-- >> cora baby, when are we gonna get some time alone?

>> well, maybe we have to spend some time at your house. >> no, my mama's 10 times worse than he is. i wish they was kids, 'cause then we could get them together and they could have a play date. and then we could sneak out. [laughter] >> cut it out. aren't they too old for a play date? >> oh, cora baby, i would ship them to the moon to get some more time with you. >> ha ha ha. you're so sweet. [laughter] i'll mention it to him. >> oh, oh, oh, don't do that. >> why? >> let's just put them together and see what happens. it's better to ask forgiveness than permission. >> okay. >> what we gonna do after lunch is we gonna see who can hold their breath the longest. >> oh, that's a great idea! i'll stand over you, and i bet you set a world record. >> oh, and then when i get through, you can break it, 'cause i'm can hold your head underwater. >> mr. brown! >> let him drown. >> mr. brown! stop it! >> no! ♪ [ dennis ] let's give it up for second chances.

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>> hey. >> ha ha ha, how's my girl? >> ha ha. i'm good. let me get my sweater. you know, they keep those theatres so cold. >> oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, no need for that. i'll be there to keep you nice and... >> and what, pregnant and full of babies like a rabbit? >> like i was saying, you better grab your sweater. >> thank you. >> oh, y'all about to go? >> yes, we're about to go to the movies. >> y'all don't worry about me. i'll just be sitting here so lonesome, all by myself, just sitting here counting the cracks in the ceiling again. >> oh, no, you don't have to be lonely. >> we have a surprise for you. >> reggie, i'm tired of waiting out in the car. you know my tape deck is broke. >> how you doing mrs. brooks? >> hi, yourself. >> uh, uh, uh, is this your mama, reggie? >> yeah, i'm his mama. >> well, why did you walk in my door? >> who else would be coming up in this house behind him? >> you don't just walk in somebody's house. >> perfect. >> hey, mama, why don't you have a seat? ha ha ha. >> i don't sit on people's

couches. they covered with diseases. that's how they got cassius clay. >> hello. cassius clay is still alive. he changed his name to muhammad ali. >> hunh! believe what you want to. i know what i know. >> why is she here anyway? excuse me, why are you here? >> well, we thought since you guys didn't have anything to do, y'all could just keep each other company while we went out. >> what you think this is, granny daycare? what if she needs to be changed? y'all take e.t. and go home. unh-unh, she can't stay here. >> ha ha ha. well, have fun. >> yes. >> have fun? i'm not moving from this spot till y'all get back. >> well, me neither. >> okay, then we'll know right where to find you. ha ha. >> hmm. >> hmm. >> you know you got something on your lip right there that's big. >> mm-hmm, i do know. shouldn't you be getting back to the forest with snow white

and the rest of the dwarfs? >> don't you worry, mr. bob, it's hospital policy. we're gonna treat you like a king. we take very good care of you, 'cause you're very special to--oh, shift change. >> aah! >> you know, i am so glad this day is almost over. >> oh, you want to go out with me tonight? there's this new club that opened up, girl, and we... >> no, no, no, because i'm going home with my husband. >> mm-hmm. >> and what about you? are you going out with that new man of yours? >> oh, girl, hell, no. i dumped that punk. >> renee, i thought you said you were crazy about him. girl, what happened? >> girl, you know, it's just the same old story. first, they want nobody but you. then, the next thing you know, you're hearing somebody else's name in bed. >> oh. wait, he did that? >> no, that was me. no, but then, ugh, he proposed after a week. >> oh, wow. yeah, that was kind of quick. >> yeah, i know. and when i told him no, he

cried. >> oh, renee, really? >> yes. >> oh, that's so sweet. >> no! can you believe that? i mean, who want to be laying up in the bed with a grown-ass man crying? it's crazy. >> well, it happens. >> oh, and i know you dumped that punk, right? >> no, i didn't dump him. it was our wedding night. >> will? you mean that fine, tall chocolate man--he cried and you didn't dump him? >> okay, look, renee, i think i've said too much, all right? i know will would not want you to know about this. >> all right, i understand. >> hey, honey. >> hey. >> renee, uh, can you grab those charts for mrs. eckhart please? >> and if i don't, what, you gonna cry? >> uh, no, i'll just have to remind you that i'm your superior. >> okay, will, you know there's a lot of charts around here, so it could take a while. don't go getting all emotional. >> renee, would you stop it? >> stop it? stop what?

what's going on? >> ahh, and here goes the tears. >> renee, that is enough. >> what? >> hi. >> hey. >> ha ha, um, baby, i, uh, kind of mentioned to renee that you, uh, once cried in bed. >> oh, really? >> mm-hmm. >> you what?! are you out of your mind? >> i know, look, i'm sorry, okay? it just kind of came out. >> baby, you're not supposed to tell that to anybody. >> i'm sorry. >> it's just that, well, how you going... >> [indistinct] >> and of all people in the world, you told renee. >> i'm sorry. >> who can't keep a secret if you held a gun to her head. >> oh, that was what i forgot to tell you. when i told tommy, he started crying harder when i held the gun to his head and told him to scoot. ha, here you go. [crying] here you go, the file you asked for. here you go, take it, take it.

[sighing] [laughter] >> next time, i'll pick the movie. >> there wasn't nothing wrong with that movie except the acting and the story. >> and the plot and the music. it was a mess. [laughing] >> hey. >> cora, where y'all been? we've been sitting here for hours. >> yeah, i have to use the ladies' room. >> oh, we have a restroom right upstairs, on the right. >> oh, i don't use other people's facilities. that's how they got nipsey russell. >> okay, now, who is they? you keep hollering "they." who are they? >> just wait, they coming for you. >> well, so, what did you do while we were out? >> nothing. >> what, y'all didn't watch tv or something? >> you heard the michelin man. we did nothing. stared at the walls till y'all got back. >> okay, i'm about to go up there. i can't stand all this. uh, by the way, y'all need to get her a tune-up or something,