strange noises go and it just stink! >> that wasn't me. >> you a liar. >> that was the cat. >> we don't have a cat, mrs. brooks. >> okay, it was me. reggie, you need to hurry up. i'm gonna be out in the car. >> well, did you have a good time? >> no, i did not. >> did you have a good time, mr. brown? >> no. that was the second worse time i ever had with a woman. at least with madea, we got cora out of it. i need to go take a bath and wash off some of this bitterness and iniquity. i feel nasty. >> i don't think that was such a good idea. >> yeah, nobody should have to sit in a room with your daddy for 3 hours. >> my daddy?! what about your mama? >> my mama's a saint. >> more like a saint bernard. woof! >> and that smell, it's cabbage soup. she's on a diet. your daddy is a terrible host. he needs to be more hospitable. >> well, that old relic you call a mama need to have some more

gratitude! >> oh, who you calling a relic?! >> oh, your mama! >> whoa, whoa! >> what, what? >> uh-oh, look, i think i better leave. and you know what, you can apologize to me tomorrow. >> well, you can hold your breath, 'cause i never want to see you again! >> whoa! i never want to see you again either! >> bye with your stinkin' mama! >> how does she expect me to make a ham sandwich with no jelly? cora, where the jelly?! >> you need something? >> uh, why are you still in your robe at 2:00 in the afternoon? >> because i was supposed to go to the farmers' market, but... since i wasn't going, was no need to get dressed. >> well, cora, put your clothes on. i'll go with you. >> no, i always go with him. >> who, reggie? >> don't say his name. >> cora, do you miss reggie--i

mean, him that much? >> no. i'm a liar. >> cora, there's more fish in the barrel, i'm telling ya. >> i want my fish! >> cora, you need to--come here. you just done let yourself go. come here, cora. come over here and sit like--sit on my knee. i'm gonna tell you a story. >> you sure? >> yes, cora, just don't--aah! girl, girl, you messed up my lap. you got me slobbering. cora, sit right there. girl, you like to bust my kneecap. cora, you know, one time, when me and madea was together... >> y'all was together? >> well, cora, we was together, but we wasn't together, we were separated together. yes, mm-hmm. well, one time, we had had a bad fight, cora. actually, she jumped on me. she punched me in my face and grabbed me by my throat and put a knife to me and said, "i'll kill you." >> she did? >> yes. i call the police on her.

i said, "i hope you get 20 years." yeah, but that ain't what i'm talking about, cora. that day, i said, "i never want to see her face again." >> so, what did you do? >> i was praying, and i told the lord, "lord, i never want to see her face again." >> well, how was that supposed to help me? >> cora, all you think about is me, me, me, me. you need to start thinking about other people. >> that is not true, i... >> that's your problem. >> i broke up with him because of what he said about you! >> what he say about your daddy? what did he say? >> oh, never mind. i told him i would never speak to him again until he apologized. >> oh, well, you stand your ground. that's good, cora. >> cora! >> what the what? you can't just come walking up in other people's house! >> that's what they all say. cora, i need you to come get this boy out of my house. all he doing is moping around, singing old negro spirituals. >> what? >> i'm sorry. i'm sorry, but it's over. it's over. >> this is all your fault!

>> my fault?! >> you know what, it don't matter whose fault it is. >> look, how we gonna fix this? >> well, reggie said this all started because we don't like each other. >> well, you know what? maybe if they thought we got along, they would get back together. >> i don't care if they get back together. i just want that boy out of my house before he start listening to lionel richie. [ woman ] i used to let frizz rule my life. then my stylist clued me in to a salon-powerful frizz control that lasts up to 48 hours. ♪ tresemmé keratin smooth. the lower sulfate system, infused with keratin, leaves hair so smooth... even my stylist loves it. now i rule my hair. [ male announcer ] keep salon sleek, chair worthy hair without the salon price. tresemmé. professional. affordable. now we have bold new tastes like never before.

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>> all right, mr. mayfield, your wife's gonna live. >> oh, that's great, doc. >> all right. >> yeah. damn! >> hey, baby. >> hey. >> ha ha ha. um, are you okay about what happened yesterday? >> what happened? oh, you mean the crying thing? >> yeah. >> oh, forgot all about that. >> really? >> oh, yeah. >> oh, baby, i was so worried about that. >> nah. sasha, you know, just let it go. let it go. i have. see, crying is a natural emotion that, you know, helps to relieve stress and allows us to deal with our problems constructively. >> wow. you're more in touch with your feelings than i thought. >> hey, i'm secure in my masculinity. >> mm-hmm. >> okay? ha ha ha. plus, i talked to dr. lucas down in the psych department this morning. >> got it. well, um, speaking of your masculinity, you know what else kind of relieves stress? >> oh, yeah. >> huh? >> and you know room 306 is

open. >> ha ha ha. >> ha ha ha. not funny! not funny! it was one night. i'm talking to my wife. >> hey, hey, hey! this is a hospital full of sick people. now keep your voice down, for crying...out loud. >> see? >> renee, would you cut it out? >> what? >> i told you that in confidence. >> no, you told me that right here in the waiting room. and, will, if you want to be a crier, then you shouldn't have married the town crier. >> how many people know about this? >> none. i swear. i just mentioned it on my blog. >> your blog? the internet? >> mm-hmm. >> oh, great. >> baby, baby, calm down. whatever happened to you being secure in your masculinity? >> i was lying about that crap! >> okay. >> you wouldn't be saying this if it was your secret. >> well, that's because i don't have secrets. ha ha. >> really? >> really. >> uh, okay, so, um, then renee knows that you shave your chest.

>> oh! what?! you, you, what? >> yep. >> will! will, i can't believe you said that. >> and her left big toe. >> will! >> it's furry as hell. >> oh, my god! will! >> there we go. >> mr. brown, what is all this food? i thought it was just me and you. >> oh, no, i invited thelma. >> i thought you hated her. >> well, she kind of grew on me like a wart. >> oh, really? >> yeah, yeah, i like my wart now. >> oh, okay. >> why you just walk in my house?! uh... friend, why you didn't use the doorbell like i asked you to? >> well, why mess with tradition? >> oh, well, i'm glad you came. >> well, now, i hope you don't mind. i, uh, brought a friend. >> oh, no, we don't mind. >> thelma, we need to check on the chicken. check on the chicken. come on. >> reggie. >> cora. i had to come.

>> oh, i'm glad you felt that way. >> i didn't. my mama said i had to move out if i didn't come. >> oh. >> and she said that you wanted to apologize? >> me?! you the one who need to apologize! >> okay, all ready. dinner is served. here we go. >> yes, dinner is served. >> now, i need to sit next to my, ooh, friend, uh, leroy. >> i prefer to be called brown. >> who cares what you--oh, i'm just teasing. now, why don't you two sit together? brown, you sit here, and i'll sit here. >> no way, no. you better [indistinct] i ain't pushing no table out for you. okay, say grace. grace. amen. okay. >> looks good, mr. brown. you do all this yourself? >> yes, yes, i poured the chicken out of the bucket all by myself. i didn't need no help. >> well, whoo, i am full. >> you too? >> yeah. >> oh, i can't eat another bite. >> not another for me either. >> me neither. i'm full. >> you full? but you haven't

even eaten anything yet. >> don't worry, we can't eat no more. >> well, it looks like they getting along pretty well. >> yeah, now she got twice as many friends as she did yesterday. [laughter] >> i forgot how funny you are. ha ha. >> i forgot how pretty you are. >> oh, thanks. reggie, i'm so sorry for the things i said. >> i am sorry that i called your father a stupid old goat. >> i don't remember you saying that. >> it was on the way over here. >> oh. >> you still my girl? >> oh, of course. [laughter] >> good. they made up. now take your stinking mama home. >> mr. brown, that is not nice. >> that's okay. we only like each other when we're being honest. right, jackass? >> right, broom-hilda. >> who you calling broom-hilda? >> i'm calling you... >> you black spasm. >> you don't call--you don't talk crazy in my house. >> i will call you anything i want to. >> well, i'll tell you what, just cross that line.

>> watch me. >> cross it again. >> oh, shoot. >> what's wrong, renee? >> the website crashed. >> oh, so your blog can't go out. >> not yet. >> so that means you can keep our secrets? >> well, except for the few people i told around here. well, i don't really want to. >> renee! >> what? this is how geraldo got started. >> you know what? we can make things very difficult for you here, you know that? >> so, i have to clean out a few more bedpans. >> oh, no, no, no, by, we're thinking about something much, much worse. >> mm-hmm. >> well, give it your best shot, bougie barbie. >> how many people around here know about your criminal record? >> everybody that watches "cops." >> okay, well, how many of those folks saw your mug shot... without your grille? >> [muttering] >> yeah, you want people to know

that those pearly whites weren't always so pearly or so white? >> or yours? >> y'all wouldn't do that. >> oh, yes, we would. >> okay, okay, i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm gonna fix it right now. look, look, i'm fixing it, i'm fixing it. there. >> you just posted it, renee! >> renee, now everybody's gonna know our business. >> oops. i must have hit the wrong button. >> renee, you know what? that is just so wrong. that is foul. okay, you know what? >> no problem. you know what? we got it. we got it. we'll take care of everything. we're just gonna get back to work. >> yeah, that's a good idea. everybody just get back to work. good. >> hey, my man. all right, that's for you, compliments of the hospital. >> that's the picture. >> make as many copies as you like, okay? >> give me my picture. give me that, give me that. give me my picture.

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>> renee, hey, listen, i just wanted to say, no hard feelings, okay, about all the crying stuff? >> oh, yeah, no, it's cool. and, will, look, i just want you to know that, you know, i love sasha. that's my girl. but if you, you know, ever want to come over, i will wax that. >> uh, thanks. >> you know what i was-- okay. >> uh, thank you. thank you. >> i just wanted you to know. >> no problem. >> the offer stands open. >> thank you very much. >> all right. >> have a good night. >> ha ha. shift change! ha ha ha ha!

narrator: kids, in the spring of 2008, something kind of strange had been happening to your uncle barney. he'd be doing great with a woman... so i throw the pressurized oxygen tank in his mouth, i shoot the tank, boom! no more shark. mr. holland and i swim back to shore. hey, let me freshen your drink.

he'd only be gone a few moments, but when he returned... so where were we? ...he'd get slapped. it kept happening. jerk! until finally, lily was approached by a mysterious woman who warned her to stay away from barney. so when it happened once more... again?! really?! wait... ...barney knew who to look for. hey, hey. hey, excuse me. did i sleep with you and then totally screw you over? no. what are you doing on friday? (grunts) hey! uh... no. stop!

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