sorry. renee, what's wrong with you? >> i know. i'm sorry. >> can't be acting like that. >> oh, i guess this breakup with eugene is really getting to me. >> [ laughs ] [ snorts ] his name's eugene? [ laughs ] >> don't let the name fool you. they don't call him "eugene the machine" for nothing. >> t.m.i., renee. >> girl, he would have the scrunchie and that ponytail and -- >> renee, you got to get ahold of yourself. it's affecting your work. >> how? >> who put a positive pregnancy test in mrs. whitting's chart? >> so? >> she's 81 years old! >> uh, renee, um, look, i don't understand, okay? you break up with a guy every week. where's your backup? >> eugene was my backup. eugene? eugene the machine? don't ask me how i know that. >> look, what is the use of

being a successful, sexy, sizzling sister if you don't have anybody to share it with? i might as well just quit. >> yeah, you should. hey, look, can you drop this off in 301 on your way out, please? >> you know what? you just ignore my pain, okay? >> i will. look, don't touch anything in there, renee. that patient's in an oxygen bubble. and since i have a few minutes -- heh heh heh -- how are you doing? >> will, we have to help her. >> what are we supposed to do? >> i don't know. maybe we could hook her up. >> no. >> i know the perfect guy. >> no, you don't. no. no, no, no. you remember what happened the last time you tried to play matchmaker. >> will, they were perfect for each other. >> until his wife found out. >> if we don't help her out, things are only going to get worse. >> how could things possibly get worse?

[ crash ] >> oops! my bad. i'm gonna need some duct tape! and some more oxygen! >> oh, brown, this cologne i got is gonna drive edna wild. >> well, now, if you really want to drive her wild, you ought to start a fire. yes, horses hate fires. >> oh, brown, cut it out. >> i'm trying to tell you. >> what are you looking at, brown? you've been acting paranoid ever since we left the mall. >> colonel, i'm telling you, somebody's following us. >> oh, brown, it's all those cinnamon rolls you been eating. that sugar's got you loopy. >> no. colonel, you know what? somebody's definitely following us. come on, let's get inside. come on, hurry up. >> brown, you need to rest. you're seeing things. >> no, i'm not, colonel. i know when the -- [ whispering] colonel! colonel! so i guess the man standing at the window is me and my imagination, too. [ both screaming ] [ knock on door ] what you want,

opie cunningham? >> i'd like to talk to you for a second. >> well, who is he? >> who are you? >> we met at the mall. age b gone facial cream? >> oh, yes, yes. uh, well, be careful. sneaking around on people in this neighborhood will get a cap [imitates gunshots] right up in you. >> so, how'd you find us? >> he followed us. duh! >> well, you filled out these information cards. >> colonel, i know you didn't put my address on your card. well, i did 'cause i didn't want to put mine on it. >> oh, you just -- step back. okay, what can we do for you? >> well, i couldn't help but notice both of you were getting facials and really seemed to enjoy it. >> oh, no, no, not me. only reason i got one -- 'cause colonel got one. >> anyway, we're looking for the perfect face to test our product and then shoot an infomercial for it. >> i'll do it! >> actually, mr. brown, we thought you'd be the perfect candidate. >> oh, no, i don't mess with them infomercials. no, they stay up late nights, slinging them products, lying to people. who would want to be a part of

that? >> it pays $5,000. >> you can count me in. we can shoot it right here, and what we can do is we can do me a dirty single and then line up me a super-wide shot. i'm may need a narrow shot from this -- how does this angle look on me? >> ridiculous. >> i'm gonna go to the car. i'm gonna get the product. you use it for a couple of days, then we're gonna shoot a commercial. >> wait, wait, wait a minute. are you telling me that this face is not infomercial material? [ grunts ] >> raymond, renee is going to love you. >> yeah, if she's into trekkies and seashell collectors. >> it's trekkers. >> okay, will, would you give this a chance? baby, i got this. this is going to work. >> you didn't tell me you were hooking her up with rain man from the men's choir. >> hey, will, look, just give him a chance, all right? renee's gonna be here any minute. let's, um, let's -- ah, let's

grab a drink, huh? >> hey, how you doing, man? can i get an apple martini for my wife? i'll take a whiskey sour, and -- >> um -- ooh! a hot chocolate. >> he'll have a glass of merlot. >> extra ice. [ clicks tongue ] >> will? >> oh! what's up? >> what's up, fool? what you doing in here? >> looks good, man. oh, wife and i came out with some friends, you know, just kick it for a minute. hey, babe, look who's here. >> hey, anthony. >> what's up, sasha? >> mm-hmm, mm-hmm. so, who are you here with tonight? >> it's not about who i'm with. it's about who i'm taking home. [ high-pitched voice ] ah! you with me, baby? >> [ high-pitched voice ] you ain't changed a bit, john. still pimpin'. >> ah! [ both laughing ] [ coughing ] ahem. >> raymond! >> [ clicks tongue ] >> uh-huh. yeah. um, this is one of will's old college buddies -- anthony. >> what's up, pimp?

what's wrong with you? >> pimping. >> mm! mm! look, there's renee. come on, let's go meet her. come on. raymond, i would like for you to meet -- >> the finest thing in here. come over here. >> hey! focus, all right? renee, this is raymond. raymond, this is renee. >> it's nice to meet you. >> yeah, you, too. >> you look...nice. >> thanks. >> uh, renee, this is my boy anthony from college, and that's renee. >> it's a pl-- >> rain man -- i mean, uh, raymond -- just started his own fishing business. >> [ laughs ] "rain man." i haven't been called that since...breakfast. [ laughs ] my mama's crazy. listen, if anybody needs

fishing equipment, i've got -- huh? -- "the hook-up." [ chuckles ] get it? hook-up. [ laughs ] >> if you're ever feeling sick, i do make house calls. >> he's a doctor? >> girl, please. anthony's a nurse. how lame is that? [ laughs ] >> it's lame. >> it's lame. >> ahem! we're nurses. >> oh. >> that's not lame. >> i know. >> that's not lame. >> that's good. >> wonderful. >> uh, raymond, renee, why don't -- why don't you two dance? >> yeah -- >> sounds like a great idea. do you want to dance? >> yes. i would love to. i love this song. okay, why don't you hold my purse? >> no, no, no -- >> make sure my name's next on your dance card. >> why'd you let her go with him, man?! >> ow! he's cool. i think she likes me anyway, you know. i could sense a fire. that girl is digging me. >> really? >> yeah. >> okay.

dude... i guess you got this one hooked. >> can i, um, could i cut in? get whatever you want, baby. let's just share a 20 piece. [ internal ] 20 mcnuggets, for only $4.99? she's beautiful, smart and sensible. [ male announcer ] mcdonald's crispy, juicy chicken mcnuggets. there's always more to love at mcdonald's. ♪

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so just go ahead and eat dinner without me, okay? yeah. love you, too. [ man on radio ] ...82 degrees by this afternoon. oh! hello? jimmy john's? [ tires screech, bell chimes ] you ordered jimmy john's? wow! that was fast. i would've been here sooner, but this traffic stinks. [ male announcer ] jimmy john's. order online at jimmyjohns.com. ♪

>> i'm telling you, miss edna, mr. brown is out of control. since he started using that anti-aging cream, he thinks he's 25. >> only thing 25 years old are his clothes. >> right. >> and i can't believe they didn't choose me to be the pitch man. what?

oh, i'm sick of this. oh, my god. >> what's up, old school? >> mr. brown, what are you wearing? >> cora, these are, uh, skinny jeans. only young people wearing them. this is what you got to wear when you're old, like, i mean, well, young. >> i suggest you let them wear them. >> right. >> and i suggest you get a flea collar, but you won't. >> i'm telling you, the product reps think i look great, though. >> [ stifled giggling ] >> oh! >> mr. brown, why are you scratching so much? >> ain't nobody scratching, cora. >> maybe that cream is giving you a rash. >> mr. brown, you can't endorse a product that gives you a rash. >> cora, and miss out on $5,000? unh-unh. you got to be out your mind. only rash in this house is

right there, in the green. you looking like you like it. >> i take this pie and throw it in your face. >> i tell you what, we'll be fighting. i'll fight a dude. i ain't scared of you no more. look, i tell you, cora, i just need to get rid of these toxins in the house. >> what? >> toxins, be gone. >> all right. thank you. >> what you doing out here, baby? where's renee? >> late from lunch -- again. >> ah, she's with anthony, huh? >> oh, yeah. i don't know what she sees in him, but -- >> well, he's a successful nurse, and he's a great father. >> he's a womanizer. >> look, sweetie, anthony went through a really bad divorce, and now he's just enjoying himself. >> no. no, will. what he's doing is filling his life with a bunch of meaningless physical relationships. >> like i said, he's enjoying himself. >> look, i still think renee needs a good man, all right? i mean, raymond was obviously the better choice. i don't understand. i just -- >> obviously. right.

well, she seems happy. >> ohh, i hate you! i hate you! i do not believe you! >> all i'm saying is act like you see the bill sometime. give a fake reach or something. >> oh, you want me to fake it? you want me to fake it? 'cause i can do that. i did it last night. uhh! >> oh, well, first of all, if your kids weren't screaming, "are you my real dad? are you my real daddy?" a brother could concentrate. >> whatever! you look just like him! >> you know what? you just need a two-bedroom! >> i'm saving! i'm trying! ohh! >> ohh! >> wait, hold up. >> why you introduce me to her? >> hey, what happened, man? what's going on? >> i don't know. >> what's going on is your boy needs to know how to treat a lady. >> first of all, you show me a lady, and i will treat her like a lady. >> i am a lady! >> hey, hey! >> what is wrong with you? >> i mean, y'all need to stop. >> will's right. this has to end. >> oh, it's ended. oh, trust me, it is so ended. it is over. >> good. don't call me no more, okay? i'm good with you. i'm done with women. it's a wrap. not no more. hi, tight booty. hey, how you doing?

>> ohh! i hate him! i hate him! >> renee, renee, it's okay. babe, babe, are you all right? >> yes, i am fine. i'm fine. i'm fine. i was about to catch a case. you know, i already have two strikes. i'm cool. >> yeah, well, you know that raymond would never treat you like that. >> sasha. >> you know what? you're right. you're right. why don't you hook that up? hook me and your boy raymond up. >> consider it hooked. ha! >> hey. you just can't leave it alone, can you? >> i just think that renee needs the right man, you know? she's a very sensitive, sweet, kind young lady, and no one else sees that. >> no, she's not. you're the only person that thinks so. [ indistinct shouting ] >> i'm gonna kill you! >> hey. >> hey, mr. brown. we are ready for you. if you will stand over here, i will say, "action," and you just give us your testimony. >> um, if you need a stand-in, i'm ready. what?

i'm sick of this. >> hmm! it's gonna be a disaster. let me get comfortable. >> all right, here we go. and action! >> hi! my name is leroy s. brown, and the "s" is for silky smooth skin. when i first started using... age b gone, i could feel the years just -- just falling off of me. >> cut! >> when i first started using silky smooth skin -- >> cut, cut, cut. >> my age erased -- >> yeah. mnh-mnh. mr. brown, i thought we were gonna stand still. >> okay, i am. maybe it's not me moving. maybe it's your cameras moving. >> no. um, it's not the camera, sir, okay? so this is your spot. >> right here. >> that's right. >> all of this. >> you stand in your spot. >> okay. >> mm-hmm. okay. >> whew. >> we're ready. >> okay. >> and action! >> hi! my name is leroy s. brown, and the "s" is for -- the "s" is for

still scratching -- i can't get this -- >> what in the world is wrong with him? >> he's allergic to that cream, unlike my battle-tested skin. >> is this true, mr. brown? >> no, no. um, yes! yes! oh! oh! >> you need a backup? >> aah! >> what? i'm sick of this! >> mr. brown. >> little itchy? little itchy? ha ha ha! >> mr. brown. >> he look like that dog next door. ha ha ha! >> wow, isn't this great? i mean, no yelling, no fighting. just us having a great time. ha ha! >> yep. way better than watching the game. >> i'm surprised to see you here, renee. i was beginning to think you weren't interested. >> why do you say that? >> 'cause your text said "not interested."

>> oh, that was before i realized what a great guy you are, rudy. >> i-it's ray. >> that's what i said, randy. >> i don't know if i ever mentioned that ray owns several tackle shops. >> several times. >> several tackle shops. >> i just opened my 15th store in macon. >> 15th? >> yeah. >> wow. >> what about you, renee? how long have you been nursing? >> well, my youngest son is 4, and so i'm trying to wean him, and i used to be a size "c," but now i'm a "b". uh-oh. you're talking about how long have i worked as a nurse? >> yeah. >> five years. and how long you been fishing? >> he's not a fisherman, renee. he owns -- renee, what are you doing? >> hey, stop texting. >> oh, i'm sorry. i'm being rude. >> yes. >> um, so, rudy, you're a...

stalker! >> what? >> stalker! >> look, i followed a girl home once, but that was a long time ago, and they dropped the charges. >> so this is how it's gonna be, huh? >> mm-hmm. >> anthony, what are you doing here? will, would you say something? >> you gonna eat that? >> so, yeah, why are you here? >> you told me you were gonna be here, but you didn't mention obama. >> maybe i should go. >> sit down, rudy! >> it's roy! i mean, ray! >> you just couldn't get enough of me. you just couldn't get enough. >> i was doing fine until you started texting me. >> please! ain't nobody texting you. you just realized what a good thing you was missing out on -- that's what's wrong. >> hey, guys, please. >> both: shut up, will. >> you know what? i knew i shouldn't have messed with you. i knew it, 'cause i knew you was gonna get all sprung out and all cracked out on me. >> whatever. >> i knew you would. >> you're the one all sprung. >> you sprung. >> you sprung. >> you sprung. >> in your tight dress. >> so? >> lips juicy and poked out. >> yours, too. >> i can't stand you.

>> i hate you. >> mm-hmm. >> ooh. >> ooh. >> can i go now? >> yep. [ indistinct conversation ] >> nice to see you again, renee. pimping. [ clicks tongue ] xx

>> whoo! hey, mr. brown. what are you doing? >> cora, that stuff is just about to eat me dead. >> [ laughs ] >> where is colonel and his pet? >> oh, they went shopping. >> shopping? >> yep. >> that's the second shopping spree this week. >> miss edna said they came into some money. >> oh, shut up, cora. money? >> yeah. >> cora, turn the tv -- turn the tv up. turn the tv -- i know that ain't. i know that ain't. >> my name is colonel cleophus t. jackson, and the "t" is for tender skin. >> shut up, me. >> when i first started using age b gone cream, i noticed the young girls -- how they started looking at me -- and it wasn't just for money. i know using this cream has helped my sex life a whole lot. >> what?! cora, he jacked me for my commercial! i'ma cap -- you know that's my commercial! colonel! colonel!

>> [ laughing ]

>> okay, baby, come on, now. we need to start eating healthy. so write this down. >> yeah. >> "lettuce." >> "honey buns." >> "zucchini." >> "twin cakes."

>> "doughnuts." >> i got that down already. >> ma? how does this tie look on me? >> baby, it looks stupid without a shirt. >> i knew i felt kind of breezy. >> that boy is really nervous about proposing to miranda. >> yes, he is. come on. >> i haven't seen him this excited since he was 4 years old. [ telephone ringing ] >> i'll get it. i'll get it. hello? >> baby, look. look. look. >> hello? >> baby, that's the remote. >> i knew that. i knew that. hello? hey, hey. yeah, yeah, i'm ready. okay, i'll be right over. cool. >> where you going? where you going? >> i'm taking her to montfont pierre's. >> montfont pierre's -- whoo! she must be paying the montfont bill. >> curtis. baby, are you sure you are ready? >> yeah, i-i made the reservations. i got my ring. yeah, i'm ready. >> oh, curtis, no, no, no, no, baby. i mean -- calvin, sit down.

fix that. baby, i mean, are you really ready for marriage? calvin, you live here with us. i cook your meals. i wash your clothes. i tuck you in at night. >> what the montfont did you say? you tuck him in? >> every night. >> that's going to stop now! >> curtis. >> look, mom, i know you're worried, but i'm serious about this. miranda's the one. >> she's the one that's going to get you the hell out my house. so you leave him alone. >> fine, curtis. i still don't think he's ready, but fine. >> hey, how you going to propose? >> well, how do you propose i propose? >> for starters, do not say that. you got to do something special. you got to do something special. okay? this is your proposal. this is only going to happen two, three times in your life. now, your mama -- my proposal to her was real special. >> what'd you do? >> well, you know your mama likes caramel corn. so i got her two big tins, and i took the prize out, and put the

ring where the prize was supposed to be. so, by the time she got through eating the popcorn... >> ay-yi-yi! >> ...which took her all of about 30 seconds... voilà! just the engagement ring. >> so were you surprised? >> yes, i was surprised. i spent three days in the hospital because i swallowed that ring. >> yeah, but she passed it in, like, two days. >> curtis. >> so we got the ring. and look. and it's still good. [ male announcer ] it's fall. time to smarten up. step up. dress up. suit up. fall is strictly business. and now that we have sleeves, we can finally roll them up. [ female announcer ] this weekend get an extra 15% off apparel, home, and more. jcpenney. [ woman ] the technology in these pads... best creation ever! [ female announcer ] always infinity. the only pad made with foam not fluff so mind-blowingly thin, you'll be surprised it's up to 55% more absorbent.

genius. always infinity. and we've been on this ground since 1853. one thing that has stayed the same here for us is our dedication to quality. whoa. [ mike ] it starts at the blossom and it continues until the apples are hand picked just at the right time. mcdonald's has high standards for us. it's our job to see to it that we deliver that good tasting apple. i'm proud to say that apples like ours are now part of every happy meal. yum. ♪ >> um, calvin, did you look at the prices on this menu? >> yeah, it's fine. order whatever you want. tonight's special. >> are you ready to order, or shall i bring you the menu with the pictures? >> how about you picturing me not giving you a tip? >> oh, i pictured that when you walked in the door. >> okay, well, i'm ready to order.

>> ah, proceed. >> i would like to have, for the appetizer, the caviar tart. >> very good. >> and then, um, for my main course, can i please have the lobster stuffed with lump crab? >> and for you, sir? >> uh, yeah, well, since she's ordering all that, i think i'll have the glass of water and... do you guys have chicken fingers? >> uh, no, but i can get you a coloring book and some crayons if you'd like. >> very funny. let me holler at you for a second. i got this, baby. >> okay. >> uh, uh, touching, touching. >> look, can you bring this ring out on a platter when you bring her meal? >> oh. how quaint. a caramel-popcorn prize. >> it's an engagement ring. >> oh. is the diamond on layaway? >> no, the diamond isn't on layaway. it's right there. >> oh, there it is!

it was hiding -- probably embarrassed. >> ha ha ha, very funny. and bring us a bottle of champagne while you're at it. >> are you sure you wouldn't prefer sparkling water? >> oh, are you sure you wouldn't prefer me to whoop your ass? oh, didn't think so. >> um, what was that about? >> oh, i had to tell him to calm down with all the sarcasm and to bring us a bottle of champagne before we take our business elsewhere! >> miranda? darling, i thought that was you. it's been ages. muah. muah. >> oh, alexis, um, i see you've gotten married. ooh, girl, that diamond is gorgeous. >> thank you. it's just a mere 5-carat pink blood diamond. stephan and i finally got married after he won his last election. ooh! and i'm shaking the hands of a surgeon. you must be raymond. i've heard so much about you two

jet-setting across the world. i'm surprised you find time. >> um, no, alexis, this -- this isn't raymond. >> oh, good. he was too pompous anyway, and i hate people like that. and if i heard one more story about him barbecuing with bill gates, i would've def-- >> alexis, this -- this is my calvin. >> oh! well, you know, calvin, every man that miranda's dated has had these amazing careers. so, what is it that you do? >> well, i'm co-owner of in the cut. >> oh, is that the brokerage firm that's cutting allocations on hedge funds? >> no, it's a barbershop. >> a barbershop? well, miranda, i need to go.

stephan is probably waiting for me. do you know he just bought himself a rolls? that's "rolls-royce." it's a car. >> [ snooty voice ] yes, i know. >> it's adorable. well, maybe we can do lunch sometime. >> yeah. >> toodles. >> [ chuckles ] oh, boy. >> [ normal voice ] i thought you never married 'cause you couldn't find the right guy. >> that's right. i couldn't. >> well, if the good dr. raymond wasn't good enough, how can i measure up? >> baby, what do you mean? >> i mean i'm not good enough for you. i mean, you drive a lexus. i drive a lemon. you own a condo. i still live with my parents. you're an entrepreneur. i-i'm co-owner of a barbershop because you loaned me the money. >> calvin -- >> it's -- no, no, it's obvious i've been dreaming that someone like you would want to be with someone like me. >> calvin, what are you talking about? >> i think it's clear that i'm not good enough to be with you, miranda. here.

this will cover the bill -- if not, i'm sure you can handle it. and give me my ring back. >> gladly. our onion rings cost more than that. >> whoa, w-wait, calvin! cal-- ohh. >> i take it you won't be needing the champagne? >> okay, calvin, i don't mean to pry, but you have been moping around here all day. what went wrong with that proposal? >> i changed my mind. >> about doing the proposal? why? >> let's just say miranda's out of my league. >> calvin, how can you come up with all of this? >> miranda has everything. what -- what can i possibly bring to the table? i don't even have a table. >> okay, calvin, why don't you just give her honesty and give her commitment and, most importantly, give her unconditional love, baby? >> okay, that may sound good on

an r&b c.d...but this is real, ma. >> calvin, is miranda complaining about you not buying her things? >> no. >> okay, then what are you doing? you know that all the money in the world cannot buy love. maybe miranda just loves you for who you are and not for what you have because, baby, you don't have nothing. >> okay, exactly. she deserves better. >> and when you get better, you'll give her better. but right now, just give her you, your essence, hmm? >> thanks, ma. aw, but... >> aw, but what? what? what? what? what's wrong now? >> i just feel stupid after the way i treated her in the restaurant. she'll probably never forgive me. >> okay, calvin -- ugh! baby, just take your time, you know? write her a nice letter.

ooh, baby, if you speak your heart, she will forgive you. >> yeah. well, i don't know how i got so lucky to have a mom that knows so much about love. >> muah. >> thank you. >> i learned everything from your father. >> wait. say what? >> well, you know your daddy's cheap. and when you're broke, you get creative, so... [ doorbell rings ] >> we need to talk. >> yeah. >> hey, hey. hey, come on, man. what are you two doing here? >> we're here to save you from yourself, calvin. >> yeah, we heard. your mama called, and she said you're over here acting like a little whipped punk. >> my mom did not say that. >> you're right. she didn't say that, calvin. it was worse than that. we can't repeat it. >> yeah, man, what's this i hear about you trying to pro--

pro-- i can't even say the word. man, what's this i hear about you proposing to miranda? have you lost your mind? >> no, look, i really lov-- i really love m-- i really love miranda. >> i know he did not just use the "l" word. >> [ crying ] it's worse than we thought! as long as he don't say it to her, though, okay? as long as he hasn't said it to her. >> aw, dang! he said to her! aw! >> my dude, do you realize that the divorce rate for first-time marriages in this country is 50%? >> how do you know that? >> my boy r.c. told me that. he's an expert on divorces. >> well, look, i'm not r.c. and me and miranda aren't getting divorced.

>> then what you doing over here writing apology letters for, cal, and you ain't even married yet? >> yeah, for real. you whipped. you might as well put your little alimony check in there with that little letter. >> look, miranda makes more than me. so i would be getting the alimony. >> for real? yo, cal, this is a good hustle. this is a good hustle right here, baby. i see it, all right? so, look -- you're going to marry miranda, you're going to do your thing, you're going to get a divorce. shorty, i'm going to marry miranda, i'm going to do my thing, then i'm going to get a divorce. then peanut's going to marry miranda -- >> no, no, no, no, no. would you stop it? we're not getting a divorce. >> well, come on, cal, can we at least go out and have a drink? we want to celebrate your divorce, dog! >> i'm not divorced. >> well, look, you ain't got to be divorced -- "separated," whatever you want to call it.

can we go out and drink, though? >> y'all going to let me get up? >> yeah, you going to buy the drinks? >> let's go, then. we out. >> mm-hmm. >> look, hey, i read this article. it said that 42.3% of all black women never even been married. >> first of all, i didn't even know you knew how to read. and second, who wrote that? >> all right, look, first of all, i read articles, as long as they got pictures. and my boy r.b. told me that. >> r.b.? wait a minute. didn't him and r.c. move in together? >> look, whatever. all i'm saying is if miranda doesn't want to be a part of those statistics, she better get

with the program and marry me. [ laughs ] >> hold on, hold on, cal. just -- are you sure that miranda wants to marry you? 'cause i wouldn't marry you. >> i'm as sure as i know four quarters make a dollar. >> uh...hey, cal, i bet you that dollar that she ain't feeling you like that... 'cause she over there feeling the brother with the extensions and the nice suit, which you ain't got nothing like. here's how switching from a restaurant dinner to a stouffer's dinner from walmart can save you over $1750 a year. the average restaurant dinner is over $10.50 per meal. a nutritious meal with stouffer's lasagna

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♪ smile on your brother ♪ everybody get together ♪ try to love one another ♪ come on, people, now [ female announcer ] breyers. the taste you've loved for over 140 years. ♪ right now >> man, i can't believe this. she didn't waste any time. look at her over there with that doctor, lawyer, or voodoo priest. >> so, how sure are you now, huh? >> sure enough to know i'm about to whoop his behind. miranda? >> calvin? um, i didn't expect to see you here. >> yeah, i bet you didn't, over here with mufasa. >> calvin, his name --

>> man, i'm not going to shake your hand. don't be disrespecting me. >> hey, shorty, put your hand up. ain't nobody touching you. relax. >> listen, his name is barry, okay? calvin, what's wrong with you? calm down. >> look, no, no, no. don't try to flip the script on me now. what's your name, homey? >> calvin, i already told you his name is barry. >> i'm talking to him, not you. and we haven't even been broken up for a day before you start stepping out on me. my mama -- my mama told me about girls like you. >> oh, girls like what? >> girls who do things with people while they're with me. but i'm going to handle it. >> calvin, get out of my cousin's face! >> who? >> your what? >> yes. >> nice suit. >> i don't know why you do that to me. >> got something in your hair. >> uh... >> told you. >> calvin, this is my cousin barry. he's visiting me from seattle.

>> oh, my bad, barry. why didn't you say anything? it's "barry" nice to meet you. get it? bar-- no, you don't get it. >> come on, barry. let's go. >> baby. >> that's how we do, though. >> man, we helped you out, dude. >> we smash cats out like that. you know what i'm saying? you lucky, cal. we had that dude like this! ohh! ohh! ohh! i was killing him. >> hey, hey, hey, hey, what's with all the noise? come on, fellas! y'all know how late it is? >> mr. p., i'm sorry, but you should've been there. it was crazy! some dude named richie -- we put him down, mr. p.! >> barry. >> him, too. everybody got it! >> wait a minute, pookie, calm down. calvin, what happened? >> well, we were at the club, and miranda was there with some dude. i didn't know who he was -- >> and she was sitting on his lap. >> when was she sitting on his lap? >> man, hold on. let me tell the story. so, we look over. she's sitting on dude's lap, looking him in the eyes. they're over there kissing. >> wait, kissing? when was she kissing him? >> cal, can i please tell the story? >> all right, look, look, it

don't matter. but, mr. p., i stepped to the dude, right? i turned him around. i was like, "hey, little buddy." you ain't going to be up here disinfecting my man cal." >> actually, that's not what happened at all, pops. >> please, please, can we tell the story? can you quit being so rude? >> yeah, shut up. what happened? >> so, you know, after pook grabbed him, you know, we said, "let's go outside." as soon as we got outside, i ain't waste no time. i just hit him -- boom! you know? i caught him. i caught him. >> he was on the ground, right? i was giving it to him. so i poked him in his eyes. he was like, "aah, aah!" >> pook on top of him. you know, that's when he started screaming, you know? he started screaming like a little girl. he wasn't tough no more now. he just, "oh, get off me! get off me!" and that's when he's trying to call for help. >> right. then the owner walked out. the owner came out, mr. p.! he had a shotgun, an uzi, and a knife. >> wait. wait. wait. wait. he had a shotgun, an uzi, and a knife? >> all in the same hand. >> he only had one arm, though. he was good with it. >> oh, shut up. shut up. that's not what happened. >> well, you go and tell your

version. >> look, we went to the club, and miranda happened to be there with some guy. so i approached them, and it happened to be her cousin, and they got mad and left. boom! end of story. >> that's it? >> yeah. >> your story sucks! come on! you said he had an uzi, the knife, and then gun? pepper jack cheese, mushrooms, jalapeños, bacon, tomato and avocado. i call it, "the avocado da vinci". create your om'lart with denny's build your own omelette menu.

xx theand the kids always eat sky their vegetables.e. because the salad there is always served with the original hidden valley ranch. but do you really? [ female announcer ] neutrogena® makeup remover erases 99% of your most stubborn makeup with one towelette. can your makeup remover do that? [ female announcer ] neutrogena® makeup remover.

calvin! miranda. >> hey. >> pops, do you mind? >> no, i don't mind. go on and talk. >> curtis, get in here. >> how you in the conversation? >> how you in their conversation? >> you are so nosy. y'all go sit down and talk. bye. >> pops, now, you know you're too big to be hiding behind that couch. >> you caught -- you saw me? >> yeah, i saw you. thank you. >> talk loud so i can hear you. >> i'm sorry to come by unannounced. >> no, baby, i'm happy to see you. i've been leaving you messages all night. >> listen, i just -- i really

needed some time to cool off. [ sighs ] plus, i wanted to see you in person. >> i know. look, baby, i need to apologize to you for last night and the night before. >> yeah, because you have really been acting like a fool lately. >> i know. okay, yeah, maybe i got that jerk gene from my dad. >> hey, hey, you see me right here? >> yeah, i see you. >> well, i heard that! >> privacy? thank you. >> hey, listen -- that's why i came over. so, i mean, is this over or what? i mean, do you still love me? >> baby, yes, of course i love you. i love you. look, i just got a little insecure. >> why would you be insecure? >> because he's broke and his mama still tucks him in at night. >> baby, listen -- i don't care

if you're broke. that's just a reason to be a little more creative. >> you know, that's the same thing my mama said. >> really? >> yeah. >> your mama's a smart lady. >> thank you, miranda. thank you. >> [ laughs ] >> you're welcome, mrs. payne. >> she said, "you're welcome." >> i heard her. >> please! privacy? >> calvin, baby, listen. i love you for you, not what you have. your pockets may be empty, baby, but your heart is full of love. >> [ laughs ] >> you better stop. you are funny. i want to hear you say that when your mailbox is full of bills. that's when i want to hear it! you hear what she said? talking about she love him! [ laughs ] >> curtis, get out of there.

what are you doing? i'm sitting over here today. why? i don't know. i never sit here. it's a new perspective. whatever. ok, enough. could you just come sit over here? i want to stay here. i like it. ♪ do-do-do-do- do-do-dai ♪ i got a new seat. ♪ da-da-ba-da-ba-da ok, fine. ah, this is nice.

you can be so petty sometimes.

oh, my god, could it be any hotter? brutal. come here, this helps a little, come here. so, how was your day? good, how was yours? good. ooh, "zesty parmesan." when did you get that? last time i went shopping. i also got those vegetable potstickers. do you like those? mm, not so much. ok, i think i'm getting freezer burn. honey, tell me... do i have the word "pushover" on my forehead?

no. but you do have some kind of sauce. you're not gonna believe this. this afternoon, i was at that cute little spot where i like to throw bread crumbs to the birds. petland? right. so, right next door at the thrift shop, i saw this beautiful armoire which would be perfect for my room, so i bought it. oh, good. maybe now you can unroll your suits and hang 'em up. not so fast. this is where the story takes an ugly turn. after we agreed on the price, he drops a delivery charge on me. 15 bananas. that's a lot of clams. dad, that's nothing. just pay it. oh, i'm not gonna do that. the deal was made and he reneged. i mean, what am i? a sap, a sucker, a butter and egg man? douglas, what are the chances i could borrow your delivery truck tomorrow, huh? mm, i'm thinking somewhere in the zero range. uh-huh. wednesday then? arthur, let me explain something to you. the truck doesn't belong to me, it belongs to the international parcel service.