and, cora, you are the newest teacher. >> now, wait a minute. you're not gonna lay my daughter off. you're not gonna do it. cora need this job! and my birthday coming up. what you gonna get me? >> well, you know, we could just lay off the newest staff member. >> hold up! wait a minute! putting my hand in it, principal. you not laying me off either. >> you can't fire my father! he loves these kids! >> that's right! i love -- hold on. go to class! i'm telling y'all, better get your behinds to class! i love these kids and they love me, too. hey! go back -- i just could hug one of y'all till your eyes poke out! >> what did you decide? >> i'll make my decision soon, but i'll let you know. brown. >> terminator. >> that's principal gordon. >> don't come back. >> don't do that. >> cora, that's messed up.

>> yes, it is, mr. brown. >> i hope he don't fire you just so i can keep my job. >> oh, i'm not worried about him firing me. really, i'm not worried about it. >> well, cora, if you not worried, why am i so worried? something's just got me itching and stuff. >> i don't know. probably because you just... >> 'c-c-cause i'm just -- what's about to come out your mouth? i'm just what? >> i'm just saying. >> no, what are you just saying? you sound like you was about to say something else. pfft! spit it out. >> well, i'm a teacher. a teacher's job is important. >> oh, my job as enforcement specialist ain't?! cora, i'm leroy s. brown! >> and the "s" stands for "security guard"! >> oh! ah! [ whimpering ] cora, i can't believe you said the "s" word! yah! yeow! >> mr. brown, i'm sorry! please -- >> the "s" is for "shame on

you," cora! shame on you! >> wait, mr. brown, that is not what i meant! >> pierre? i got this especially for you. >> aw. thanks, renee. >> you're so cool. >> oh, you think so? >> yeah. >> oh, unh-unh. >> what? >> no, thanks. >> what? pierre! >> mnh-mnh! >> fake-french-name black man! oh, hey, lady? look! i got this just for you. >> really? for me? >> yeah! >> okay. >> it might help. >> i don't think so. >> oh, so now you're trying to be picky? or maybe you should've been picky at first, then you wouldn't be sitting around here with that rash, itchiepoo. i can't believe my cousin gave me this gift. and now i can't get rid of it -- just like your rash.

>> renee, what is this? hmm? >> oh, you like it? >> hmm. a leukemia luau? >> yeah. >> yeah, and you're gonna charge patients $25. >> well, i was gonna put them on a payment plan, but then i figured no, they're not gonna be around that long. >> renee, you can't charge patients to sit in a waiting room. >> no, i'm hooking up. i'm gonna have the red ropes like v.i.p. >> ooh. like v.i.p.? wow. yeah. well, in case you haven't noticed, this is a hospital and a not a club. you see, people don't come here to party. they come to either get better or die! and i was not talking about you, sister. keep it moving. keep it cracking. keep it moving, girl. >> i wouldn't speak so soon. read her chart. >> did you tell her? >> yep. she's going down. >> okay. you know what, renee? i'm writing you up. >> what? no, sasha! sasha, no. look. i got you a gift.

just for you. >> for me? >> uh-huh. >> for me? ooh! and it's not even my birthday! [ laughs ] >> i saw it and i just thought of you. >> whoo! you saw this and you thought of me? >> uh-huh. it just screamed "sasha!" i got it for you. you like it? >> ooh, yeah. i like it. >> you do? so are you gonna keep it? >> of course. yes, i'm gonna keep it. >> so how are you gonna use it? >> i don't know. you know, i-i think i'm gonna use it to... do you hear my name on the loudspeaker? >> no. >> code -- code blue?! not code blue?! oh, that's an emergency! >> ow! >> oh! >> no, sasha! sasha, no, wait! stop! you forgot your gift.

>> thank you. >> mm-hmm. you're my friend. [ laughs ] i got rid of mine, and you still got yours, and you need an ointment and a shot. >> good for you. [ school bell rings ] >> get out of my hall and let your hands go! hey, gordon... >> hay is for horses. >> oh, hay is for horses! that's funny! ain't never heard that! no! ha ha! that's hysterical! you ought to be on "def jam"! >> [ laughs ] really? i tell you, i was waiting for someone to notice my comedic abilities. you know, i can crack them up at the parties. did i ever tell you the one about the... wait a minute. is this about the layoffs? >> what layoffs? >> stop it, brown. i'll make my decision later. >> uh, gordon, gordon, gordon?

can you keep a secret? >> yeah. what you got? >> cora can't. cora told me that you peed the bed, you steal paper clips, and you're using up two parking spaces. >> i don't steal paper clips, and i don't take up two parking spaces. >> but you peed the bed? >> well, yeah. back when i was four -- >> teen? >> look, you won't tell anybody, now, will you? >> well, that depends. >> oh, are you trying to blackmail me? >> no. but cora would. oh, hey, i'll see you, my buddy, my pal. i'll see you at recess. >> what's going on out here? >> did i mention she's nosy too? >> i know what you're up to, mr. brown. >> i know you know what i'm up to 'cause you're always in somebody's business rather than doing your own job! >> that's 'cause i'm always trying to help you with your job! here! somebody hung the boys-locker-room sign on the girls-locker-room door! >> brown? >> me? you know, if we make the locker rooms coed, we can save money. >> that's totally inappropriate. >> not if you turn the lights off -- another way to save

money. you need to keep me. >> do you care about the budget, or did you just mess up again? >> who? me? you're not gonna sit here and disrespect me. [ both arguing ] you better stop talking to me... >> oh, stop, stop, stop it! calm down! look, apparently, working in the same place and living in the same home is causing some problems here. it seems to me like you two need some space from each other. >> yeah, we need some space. >> we need some space. i can get farther than you can get farther from me. >> good. that'll make my decision a lot easier. >> thank you, sir. >> he was looking dead at you when he said that. >> he was looking dead in your face, in your eyes. >> and you not gonna sit here and look in my eyes. >> that's why i have a classroom. >> well, i got a whole hall! this is all my domain. get out the hallway! unh-unh-unh-unh-unh-unh! >> that's not yours! >> yes, it is. it's in my hallway. go to your classroom and try to drink some water.

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>> hey, cora. >> hey. >> is everything okay? >> i don't want to talk about it. >> oh. well, maybe this'll cheer you up.

i got it just for you. cora, when i saw it, it just screamed "cora!" >> well, i don't know what to say. >> girl, you don't have to say a thing. you know what? just enjoy it! >> oh! >> cora, i made your favorite brownies. [ chuckles ] they're so good, make you want to slap your papa. >> well, thank you, miss edna, but right now i want to slap my daddy. >> cora, you wouldn't do that. why don't you let me slap him for you? >> i'm just so upset with myself right now, miss edna. >> well, what are you upset about, honey? >> because what i did was wrong. >> yeah, you bet it was wrong. now, i've seen this behavior before -- a civilian trampling over an innocent family member in order to get what he wants. >> they behave like that in the war? >> war? no, i'm talking about the after-thanksgiving day sale at the mall. >> okay, now, look, i swear to you that wasn't my fault. i told joaquin, don't stand in front of me when they open this door, 'cause people gonna be

running. >> brown, whose fault was it this time? >> it's all my fault. i was insulting, i was close-minded, and i was insensitive. >> oh, cora, don't be so hard on yourself. after all, you are your father's child. >> but what can we do? >> i think... we should go slap him together. >> oh, miss edna, no! >> all right. i'll tell it. i think you should apologize. >> you're right. i should apologize. i behaved badly. i was so worried about protecting my own job, i didn't even take cora's feelings into consideration. >> okay, so what are you gonna do about it? >> hello, principal gordon? [ clears throat ] this is mr. brown. no, no, don't hang up! don't hang up! i know you got a decision to make, so i'm gonna help you make it. i quit. that's right, quit. k-w-i-t. >> quit? are you sure? >> yes.

i'm gonna call gordon and tell him i'm quitting. i appreciate your help, miss edna. you know what? matter of fact, i have gift for you. >> a gift? >> when i saw it, it just screamed "edna!" >> oh, cora. >> you're so welcome. >> why the hell would edna give me something like this? >> aah! >> aah! >> colonel, what you doing out here digging in the trash? edna usually does that when she out prowling for something to eat. >> [ laughs ] boy, that -- [ laughs ] yeah! that was -- that was a good one, brown. what are you doing up so late? >> i just feel so depressed about what happened with cora. i couldn't sleep. >> oh. >> yeah. what you doing here? >> hey, what's that? >> aah!

>> well, brown, you know, i got something that just might cheer you up. >> oh, really? for me? >> yeah. >> uh-huh. >> yeah, when i saw it, it just screamed your name. >> really? >> "brown!" >> oh. [ chuckles ] i'm the one should be screaming. [ chuckles ] >> well, i got 10 of these. >> really? you got 10? >> 10! >> well, what you use them for? >> well, uh -- huh?! is that a -- yes, i'm coming! coming right away, edna! >> i didn't hear nothing. >> right away! >> i thought these were banned in this country, anyway. it should be. >> i'm so worried. he's been gone since this morning. >> oh, i'm sure brown is fine. >> fine? woman, you crazy? that man's been gone for 12 hours. he could be anywhere -- lost in the woods, being eaten by

wolves, bleeding to death in some -- ooh, brownies. >> how can you think of food? >> edna, at our age, friends drop off like flies. you'll get used to it. >> mr. brown! >> ooh! >> ooh! you stink! where were you? >> i took a new job. i'm a de-boner. >> a de-what? >> a de-boner. yeah, i take all the bones out the chickens so people won't choke to death when they're eating their chicken nuggets. >> there is no bones in chicken nuggets. >> that's 'cause we do our job down at bones be gone. >> what? >> oh, my goodness! looks like work followed you home! >> wow. that's good. >> why would you take another job? >> 'cause i quit down at the school. >> well, if anybody was quitting, it should've been me. >> no, cora, you're a schoolteacher, and i'm just a security guard. [ coughs ] >> ohh... >> no, no. you're an enforcement specialist, and that's a very important job, mr. brown. >> no, no. wait, wait, wait. aren't you just a hall monitor

with a flashlight? >> aren't you just a woman that look like a man that's acting like a woman? stay out of my business. >> oh, look. teacher, security guard -- they're both important jobs, and i'm wrong for saying otherwise, mr. brown. i'm so sorry. >> no, no, cora. i'm the one should be saying i'm sorry. cora, that ain't why i quit, though. >> really? >> i quit 'cause you're my sweet, little cora jean, and being your daddy is the best job in the world. >> oh, that is so sweet. i'll catch you later when you wash your wings. >> i'm touched. >> obviously not by an angel. >> oh, look, you don't fool me, brown. i can tell underneath that loud, round, [sniffs] funky exterior, you ain't nothing but a big softy. ain't that right, colonel? >> oh, save all this emotional stuff until i leave. >> which should be in about 2, 1, zero seconds -- right now.

we'll see y'all. buh-bye. >> mm-hmm. predictable as always. ooh. >> you forgot something. take your animal. >> and you better go outside and wash off those feathers before cora de-bones you. >> that's the best thing you said ever. let me get this... >> hey, brown? >> yes? ow! >> [ laughs ] i always wanted to do that. >> edna, open this door up. open this door! >> girl, yes! you can wear a white wedding gown. >> you think so? >> yes! people don't expect brides to be virgins anymore. especially you. >> excuse me? >> girl, i know about those guys in radiology. >> oh? >> that "x-rated" work. >> i'm offended. it was cardiology. >> well, i'm offended that you

didn't invite me. hey, sasha. so, did you like the gift? >> what gift? oh! you mean the gift? >> yes. >> ho-ho! renee, i love it. >> ow. you do? >> yeah. yeah. you know, will and i used it last night. >> oh, that's what that's for. >> ♪ ohh, hey ♪ ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah >> hey! why are you so happy? >> because principal gordon was able to save mine and cora's job. >> mr. brown, that's wonderful! >> yep, yep. i know. it sure is. i want to share my happiness with others. here you go. for you, sasha. just for you. >> you got me flowers? >> yep. >> oh! >> from room 306. sasha, put them behind your back if mrs. johnson come rolling up in here, okay? ♪ my heart to you hoo >> uh-uh? excuse me?

you didn't get me anything? >> yeah, i got you a gift. >> you did?! you got me a gift?! he got me a gift. ♪ all you got is flowers, and i got a gift ♪ ♪ i got a gift ♪ i got a gift >> bam. >> didn't i give this -- >> bye! >> where did you get this? >> whatever you do, don't take it in the bathroom with you. >> i can't believe this! ugh! i keep getting that gift back. you know what? it's just like your rash -- it keeps coming back. where are you going? get some ointment?

[ whistle blows ] >> unh-unh! get out this hall! run! uh, hey, principal gordon. >> hay is for horses. >> it ain't funny, and it wasn't funny the first time either. thank you for letting me and cora keep our jobs. so who did you have to let go? >> well, you remember miss pearl, the lunch lady? >> oh, the lady who only has thumbs? >> that's her. >> i bet she could tear a video game up. >> actually, from what i'm getting, she's either gonna hitchhike across america or she was -- well, maybe she was flipping me off. i couldn't tell either way.

>> oh, okay. oh, yeah, by the way, i got you something. when i seen it, it just screamed "gordon!" yeah, here you go. >> oh, man. for me? oh, man! >> what the -- you -- >> thanks, brown. you all right. now i got a complete set. >> wow.

>> previously on "house of payne." >> do you think that calvin is as nervous as i am? >> i can't breathe! i can't breathe! >> that was your father. there was an emergency delivery at the hotel. >> what? oh, i'm not getting dressed till my father gets here. >> but what if he doesn't show up? >> jazmine. >> calvin! >> i can't get married! >> yes, you can! >> jeffrey had a little emergency, so he and julia haven't even arrived yet. so the wedding will be delayed. [ calvin sighs ] >> whoa. the secret is out. hydration is in.

[ female announcer ] only aveeno daily moisturizing lotion has an active naturals oat formula that creates a moisture reserve so skin can replenish itself. aveeno® naturally beautiful results. aveeno® it's an opportunitye to stop and savor, the unmistakable taste that reminds us that life is delicious. >> it'll be okay. it's going to be fine. mom -- mom, is dr. lucas here yet? >> calvin -- >> is miranda dressed? she's not calling off the wedding, is she, mom? >> baby-- >> ooh, if y'all hit me one more time -- >> what you going to do?

hit me back? pull yourself together, baby, okay? >> i'm sorry, mom. just tell me something. >> jeffrey still has not arrived, okay? and so miranda said she's just going to wait on her daddy to get here. she's not getting dressed. >> what? she's marrying me, not them. >> this is her father. he is going to give her away. and her sister is her matron of honor. >> so, did dr. lucas get here yet? >> why does everybody keep asking me that? >> well, baby, because we're ready to start. >> well, curtis, we're not. >> no, she doesn't want to get married until her father and her sister get there. >> she's not marrying her father and her sister! she's marrying you! >> that's what i said. >> okay. what is wrong with you two? miranda wants her family to be there, okay? and that is that. >> well, uncle curtis, if dr. lucas doesn't get here soon, you can stand in for him. >> yeah, that's a good idea. >> no, no, that's a bad idea. it's not going to happen. please, i already paid for the hour. i'm not walking down the aisle,

too. oh, just let her walk down the aisle by herself. what's wrong with that? she can't do it? it's not that hard. all she -- >> curtis -- >> ella, all she got to do is walk down the aisle, wave at the people. that's all you got to do. smile. with that -- that bag over her face anyway, they can't see nothing. "thanks for the presents." and when she get to the preacher, stop. you are not a preacher. stop. potential. and if she makes it through the bag of charcoal at the barbecue grill, she went too far. >> huh. bag of charcoal? [ ella laughs ] you the bag of charcoal, baby. >> ain't that brilliant? >> that was good. >> how'd i do? it came out like that. >> just like that? >> uh-huh. >> you know what? i can't believe this. this -- this right here -- this has got to be karma. is this the punishment that i get for all the people's lives i ruined hustling them? >> no, miranda, you -- this is not karma, honey. you're not being punished. >> yeah, girl, because if this is karma, i'd still be locked

in a jail in brazil. oh! [ speaks portuguese ] [ purrs ] >> what is she talking about? >> i don't know, sweetie. i have no idea. >> you know -- no, no -- okay, well, then how do you explain the housekeeper going into labor with triplets on my wedding day? my wedding day? >> yeah, that sounds like karma to me. >> jazmine. listen, miranda, everything is going to be fine. >> yes, honey, your father's going to be here, don't worry. i'm going to check my phone to see if he called. >> hey, any word from -- what's your husband's name? >> jeffrey. >> jeffrey? >> no, he hasn't answered his cell phone. >> okay, this is not good. >> i know it's not good. >> calvin is next door freaking out. >> well, then they're the perfect couple, because miranda's over here freaking out. >> no, no! i'm not doing this! i'm not getting married. that -- that's it, that's it, that's it! >> oh, yes, you are, my dear. you are getting married, honey. i know -- listen, baby, i know you want your father and julia here, okay? but you are marrying calvin.

you're not marrying them. >> hmm. hmm, hmm. why does that make so much more sense with you saying it? >> hmm? >> nothing. uh, miranda, honey, listen, baby. all performances...have kinks, you know? and -- and -- and -- and go through stages. and the curtain rises. and the performance is phenomenal! bravo! >> bravo, bravo, bravo! >> yes! >> oh, honey, it's not over until the fat lady sings. shut up, claretha. >> no, i'm not doing this! it's over! like, i can't! [ telephone rings ] >> guys, it's jeffrey, it's jeffrey, it's jeffrey. hello? well, this better be good news. finally? ok, honey, we'll see you soon. jeffrey and julia are 20 minutes away. >> yes! >> wonderful. >> let's get you dressed. >> come on, come on, baby. >> happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts! >> thank goodness.

>> you got that right. huh. because if i have to tell curtis he has wasted his money, the wedding would have been a funeral. >> yo, yo, d., what the business is? >> you got it, you got it. what's up, peanut? >> you know what it is, man, i'm here just trying to scrape up some dollars. >> are they paying you guys to be ushers? >> something like that. >> how? >> like this -- where you all trying to sit? >> hey, you all two clowns know we're here for calvin. sit us on the groom side. >> no, okay? we mean $5 for general admission, all right? it's going to be $10 if you want premium seating, and it's $25 for the v.i.p. >> where's the v.i.p. section? >> there's a v.i.p. section. what kind of wedding do you think this is? you sit up there, you guaranteed to be on camera, too. >> man, we are not paying you all to seat us! move! >> okay, hold on, hold on, dude. let me at least give you a stamp. that way, you can leave and come back, and there won't no problems. you officially been stamped. sit right there. >> you all are too crazy. >> uh-uh, excuse me. excuse me. >> you better back up off me, pokey! these earrings are weapons! i will take them off and slice

you up! >> all right, she's serious, now. she -- she ain't going to play. yeah. excuse me, ms. lady? we going to need you to step into the back. >> why? >> why? because this is customs, that's why. and according to our screen, we need to take you in the back, do a little strip search, and we're done. >> what screen? >> look, trust us. we got a screen. it's never wrong. >> then why didn't anybody else show up on the screen? >> because it's random! i mean, look, ma'am, we have no control over the screen. and you talk too much. can you please step in the back? >> if you don't get out of my face -- >> hey, hey, hey, guys. >> oh, calvin, what you doing, man? you're stupid. you know we're not supposed to see you before the wedding, man. it's bad luck. >> it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding, idiot. >> ha, ha, i got you. i knew that. what's up? >> miranda's pops is finally on his way, so we're going to start soon, but i need the two of you guys to stall. >> no problem. >> yeah, that ain't no problem. don't trip, man. we got you. >> all right, cool. >> hey, peanut, let's stall them out. everybody, throw your hands up.

throw your hands up. >> put your hands up. put your hands up. put your hands up. all right, all right. how many people we got ripping from out of town? >> all right, all right-- >> okay. >> and where are all my fine single ladies at? say "ow." >> ow! >> hello, purple people eater. we said "fine." >> all right, and i'm finally here, so i'm fine, too. >> yeah. that you are. that you are. >> don't make me crawl up there and have to whoop you now. >> security? we -- can we get security? >> all right, listen up, people. miranda's nephew just happens to be sick. and jazmine is in a bed with a fever, okay? so here is your flowers. whoo. >> good job, big dog. >> yeah, whatever. >> are you nervous? >> whew. very. >> don't worry about it. you'll be fine.

>> i know. that's if i don't faint. >> you won't faint. >> yeah, well, if i do, make sure you confiscate that camera from the photographer. >> no problem. [ wedding music plays ] >> wow. doesn't she look beautiful? >> yeah, she sure does. [ music stops ] >> who giveth this woman to be married to this man? >> yeah, i do. >> oh. >> you may be seated. ladies and gentlemen, brothers

and sisters, we are gathered here today, before god, to witness the union of calvin payne and miranda lucas. marriage is an honorable estate-- >> excuse me, pastor. >> "excuse me"? >> could i ask you something, calvin? >> now? >> c.j., this better be good. >> just one second. >> uh, excuse me. [ miranda sighs ] excusme. [ whispers ] are you sure about that? >> absolutely. >> okay, handle your business. we'll wait. >> we'll wait for what? >> you'll see. [ miranda sighs ] >> ah! >> whoa! >> sorry. what are you doing? >> c.j., what are you doing?

>> making it right. i don't want to bring another child into the world -- our child -- without us being husband and wife. i love you. will you be my wife, again? "house of payne" will continue after this. doorbusters this friday 3:00 p.m. to saturday 1:00 p.m. get 50% off worthington and 60% off stafford dress shirts. plus, for 4 days only, starting friday, get $10, $15, or $20 off with your coupon. jcpenney.

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12 hour protection against germs. and now back to "house of payne." >> baby, everybody's staring. and my knee is hurting real bad. will you please answer the question? >> okay, c.j., can we -- can we talk about this in private? >> are you going to privately say "yes"? >> c.j., let's just go and talk. >> you want to talk? >> yes. >> okay. all right. >> they going to talk.

>> oh, oh. i'm sorry. >> thank you. okay, i'm all right. >> finger. [ janine and c.j. chuckle ] >> excuse us, pastor. everybody, uh, we just gonna -- we just gonna go talk. and, uh -- >> finger. >> oh, sorry, pastor. uh, we got -- we got some things -- she didn't say "no." she didn't say "no," but we got some things to discuss. you all just hold tight. everybody hold tight. >> okay, wait, hold on. did he just "hold tight"? >> it's okay, baby. we're still getting married. c.j., you have five minutes, or we're moving on without you! >> okay, now -- now, what is going on? >> i told you. i want to marry you. >> c.j., i-i get it, okay? you got caught up in the moment, and that's cute and everything, but that's no reason to propose -- >> no, no. i'm serious, janine. look... i don't want our baby coming into this world without us being together. >> okay, so this is just about

the baby, not me? >> no, janine -- baby, i-i love you. it's about both of you. i love you. baby, i love you. i love you so much. i just -- [ footsteps approach ] i want us to be a family. >> c.j., have you lost your mind? >> no, no, for the first time in a long time, i'm very clear about this -- very clear. so what do you say? >> i say yes. >> yes! she said yes. she said yes. what, baby? she said yes! >> i mean, look, is this going to cost me extra money? >> no, baby. actually -- actually, you're getting two for one. hmm. >> yeah! >> ah! >> huh. congratulations. >> thank you. >> congratulations, nephew. >> well, i-i can't get married like this. i-i can't get married like this.

>> like what? >> like this. look, you have on a tux. i-i-i'd like a wedding gown. >> well, look, there's nothing we can do about that now. >> no, no, no. yes, there is. i still have your wedding gown. >> ms. ella, i gave that to you to give to the church. >> i tried to give that to the church, but it is a maternity wedding gown. nobody at the church wants that. >> well, i'm not sure if it will fit. i have a-a bit of a situation here. >> what are you talking about? you had a bit of a situation when you first got married. remember, malik? >> okay. >> come on, come on, come on. >> all right. >> quick, quick, quick, quick. slow, slow, slow, slow. quick, quick. slow, slow. slow. >> congratulations, nephew. man, you know what this means, right? >> what? >> now you really got to get the hell out of my house. [ door opens ] >> okay, c.j., your five minutes are up. what's happening? >> she said yes. >> okay, cool. let's go. >> no, she's changing her dress. >> huh. okay, i'll go tell miranda.

>> okay, and i'll go with you. >> oh, pops, you're going to tell miranda for me? >> no, i don't want to miss the beat down. pepper jack cheese, mushrooms, jalapeños, bacon, tomato and avocado. i call it, "the avocado da vinci". create your om'lart with denny's build your own omelette menu.

♪ smile on your brother ♪ everybody get together ♪ try to love one another ♪ come on, people, now [ female announcer ] breyers. the taste you've loved for over 140 years. ♪ right now but do you really? [ female announcer ] neutrogena® makeup remover erases 99% of your most stubborn makeup with one towelette. can your makeup remover do that? [ female announcer ] neutrogena® makeup remover. we now return to c"tyler perry's house of payne." >> okay, let's try this again. ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, we're gathered here today, before god, to witness the union of calvin payne and miranda lucas

and clarence payne jr. and janine payne. marriage is one of the biggest steps two people can take to demonstrate their love for each other. and your love will grow. but your willingness to accept each other's strengths and weaknesses, unconditionally, and without judgment -- well, that -- that will sustain your love. let us pray. heavenly father, we thank you for this day, and for the ability to receive and to give love. thank you for the union that these two couples are about to form. i pray that you would teach them courage, strength, but most importantly, forgiveness. and let their love grow deeper and stronger with every passing

day. in jesus' name, amen. >> amen. >> calvin and miranda have -- have written vows for each other. clarence and janine? okay, they'll wing it. calvin? >> well, actually, i wrote a poem called "forever." miranda lucas, you are my rib. without you, i'm still whole, but... with you, i feel so complete. baby, i never really knew the meaning of love until you walked into my life. >> oh, baby. >> and i am forever grateful for that. miranda, you are forever

ingrained in my heart. and i look forward to being with you forever. >> oh, baby, i love you with my heart and my soul. when we met, you changed my life. you made me want to be a better person. i am so honored that you asked me -- that you chose me to be your wife. i take this vow before god, our family, and friends, that you will never, ever regret this choice. >> janine... we've been through some very... difficult things together. >> it's okay. >> i-it's hard. i can't -- >> it's okay. it's okay. >> i'm sorry, i'm-- >> listen, listen.

god does not give us more than we can handle. and we have handled a lot. um... when i think about what i have done to you and to this family and to myself, i am so eternally grateful that he blessed me with such a beautiful man. i love you, baby. >> there's so many things things that we should have done, so many things we could have done. i'm so grateful just to be standing here with you today. [ crying ] and i just want -- i just want to love you for the rest of my life, that's all. i just want to love you. >> so sweet. >> uh, the rings?

>> rings are circular and continuous and represent the ongoing bond between a husband and wife. they are solid and cannot be broken, just as these unions should not be. calvin, would you place this ring on miranda's finger? calvin, do you take miranda to be your lawful wedded wife, and do you promise to love her, honor her, to comfort her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keeping yourself only for her, as long as you both shall live?

>> yeah, i do. >> miranda, would you please take this ring... >> uh-huh. >> ...and put it on calvin's finger? >> hmm. it fits. [ calvin chuckles ] >> miranda, do you take calvin payne as your wedded husband, and do you promise to love him, honor him, comfort and keep him, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, and keeping yourself only for him as long as you shall live? >> i do. >> clarence, do you -- well, did you just hear what i asked them? >> yes. >> and -- and, janine, do you want to marry him, too? >> uh... no. >> no? >> no? >> no -- no, no! my -- my -- my water just broke.

>> oh, no! >> yeah. >> oh. >> oh.

hey, honey. what are you doing? coloring.

gotta be honest with you. a little disturbing. kirby left them. it's actually pretty relaxing. is that so? yeah. you should try it. it may take the edge off during your "lady time." well, thank you for the tip, but you have your little fun, and then maybe later you can climb up into your tree house and i'll bring you a juice box. make your jokes, but you don't know what you're missing. ok, i want in. give me the orange one. no, i'm using it. no, you're not. i will be in a second. doug, i have a bunny here with a carrot. so? so i need the orange one. use brown. give the bunny a cigar! no. i need it!

tough! doug, give it to me. no. no! oh, my god, give it to me. no! give it to me. dad! you're such a baby! you're such a baby! ♪ my eyes are gettin' weary ♪ ♪ my back is gettin' tight ♪ i'm sittin' here in traffic ♪ ♪ on the queensboro bridge tonight ♪ ♪ but i don't care, 'cause all i want to do ♪ ♪ is cash my check and drive right home to you ♪ ♪ 'cause, baby, all my life ♪ ♪ i will be drivin' home to you ♪ captioning made possible by sony pictures television

so, how have you guys been? i feel like i haven't seen you in, like, forever. you know, good. busy with the kids, school, play dates. kirby's got his baton-twirling class. mm-hmm. mm-hmm. mm-hmm.

i miss our regular saturday night thing. you know, we've got to get that thing back up and running again. how 'bout next saturday? yeah. yeah, um, that's actually not real good for us. all right, so we'll do it the next saturday. dinner and a movie? you know, that's not gonna work for us, either. ok, did we do something to tick you guys off? was it because we smiled when you told us about kirby's baton-twirling classes? 'cause we were smiling like "that's awesome!" look, it's not you. it's just, uh... we met another couple. [softly] what? the thing is that they live in our building. the kids are the same age. saturday afternoon the kids play together, then at night we all hang out and we don't have to get a sitter. it's kind of become a regular thing. we didn't mean for this to happen. it just...did. all right. hey, man, good for you guys. yeah. i mean, they got kids, you got kids. we could still hang out. yeah. we could do brunch. whatever.