yeah, carrie. she, uh, she loves gravy-- you know what? we're gonna use the gravy boat that you guys gave us for our wedding. oh, look at that. yeah, we haven't even used it yet, actually. we were waiting for a special occasion. let me just, uh, pop the top off, here, and, uh... what the-- what's this?! what is it, honey? the instructions? it's a check from you guys. for $1,500! what? but, wait, you mean... you two never saw that? i put the check in the gravy boat to be cute, like... like, the check is the gravy. oh, my god! i just... this is the nicest gift... anyone's ever given us ever. i... i... i'm sorry.

she thought the only thing that we gave her for her wedding was that chintzy little gravy boat. that's why you didn't call us all these years. uh, well, we were a little hurt, but... you can't put a price on friendship. you know, you're not gonna be able to cash that. honey, write them another check. absolutely. uh, remember, it's 2002. yeah. now, you use this for something fun. no paying bills with this. no, no, no, no, no! actually, we were, uh... planning a trip to new orleans. new orleans! that's our town! we go all the time! hey, here's a crazy thought. now that this mess is all cleared up, why don't we go together? uh, well, you know what, um, we'd actually slow you down because we don't drink. neither do we! neither do we! it's perfect! don't you dare go to new orleans without us.

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vidal sassoon volume. this was great! yeah, let's do it again real soon. marcia: i'll call you with the number of my cat guy. all right. that was rough. yeah, it was. listen, i'm sorry i jumped in early on the gravy thing, but it was either that or open fire on them. i hear that. but at least we got the check, and we are goin' to nawlins! what? we can't go. why not? because they just said don't you dare go without us! so, unless you wanna go with them and their cats, we can't go. are you insane? i'm not insane. carrie, if we go and they find out, they'll call my parents. then my parents will call me, and i'll hear, "where did we go wrong?" so, what you're saying is we can't go on our trip to new orleans because ron and marcia might tell your mommy on you? thank you for understanding. honey, i understand that ron got your dad back on his feet.

nobody knows what that means, but i respect it. but are you really telling me because of that, a whole city is off-limits to us forever? not forever, just till my folks die. doug! we can't live like this! i mean, what if your uncle stu says we can't go to brooklyn without him? do i have to take him to my gynecologist with me? look, we got the money. can't we go someplace instead of new orleans? i mean, there's gotta be plenty of other fun places we can go. oh, yeah? ok, name one. all right-- and it can't be cooperstown or hershey park. oh. yeah. and it's gotta be a place where i can flash my boobs legally, because i will flash my boobs. well, that rule's not fair! i mean, there's only one place you can flash your boobs legally. that's right, honey... and isn't that the place you wanna be? yes!

[horn ensemble playing] nawlins. it's nice here, right? what? yeah. i think i see marcia across the street. ok. that's the third marcia you've seen today. although it is the first black one. it looks like her. ron and marcia are not here. they could be here. it's their town. when you have a town, you go to it a lot. that's how it becomes your town! ok, you need to chill out. what? yeah, you do. ok, you know what? let's have a little fun. come on, baby. smile pretty for me. what, are you crazy?! uh... i don't think i am, no. you can't be takin' a picture! a picture's evidence! doug, you need to stop it. stop it right now! tell me that's not ron at the lobster tank! doug! i'm sorry, but i'm all stressed out, ok? i lied to my mother. i told her we went to the alamo. now i gotta bring her back a coonskin hat. doug, you need to calm down.

just take a deep breath, look at your menu, and try to relax. i don't know why they call this place the big easy. it's hard. it's very hard. ok, arthur. i got your cartoon all ready. what do you think? where's the boss chasing his secretary around the desk? well, i updated it a little. see, i made it a computer repair guy and a female executive, and he's saying to her here, he's goin': "hey, how about now we fix my hard drive?" hee hee hee! what the hell have you done? i just-- i just improved your idea a little bit. i mean, no one chases their secretary around a desk anymore. sure they do. no, they don't, ok? i'm out in the working world every day. i know. you work in a subway token booth. you have neither a secretary nor a desk. you are totally ignorant in this area! i... i'm ignorant?

arthur, you're out of the loop, ok? your--your idea is retro. mine's fresh. it's hip! a little too hip. john q. public doesn't know what a hard drive is! ok, anyone who owns a computer knows what a hard drive is! oh, sure! mr. bill gates and his buddies are in for a hearty chuckle. what about the rest of us poor schmucks? ok... you know what? i don't wanna do this anymore. i gotta go. fine! you just lost yourself the best damn caption man in this business! doug: i gotta tell you, i really had a great time tonight. me, too. sorry i got so crazy before. it's ok. you're positive that wasn't ron steering that riverboat? i'm positive! ok. oh, my god! what? the message light! it's ron and marcia! it's not them. it's them! it's not them! it's them! it's not them! it's them! you know what, we can resolve this by doing a simple message check. ok.

yes, hi. i'm, uh, calling in for my message. yes, this is mr. mellencamp. oh. no. no, that's ok. thank you. ok. bye. oh, it was just housekeeping wanting to know if we needed some more towels. you see? i told you. everything's fine. doug: whoo! what are you doin'? i'm checkin' our messages at home. oh, man! my jambalaya just went down a floor. huh. what? what is it? ok, nothing's wrong, but marcia called. i can't breathe! look, i don't think-- i don't think it's a problem, but just listen and tell me what you think. [answering machine beeps] marcia: doug, carrie, it's marcia. could you give me a call when you get back? [answering machine beeps] she knows we're here! i don't think she does. did you hear what she said? she said give us a call when you get back! if we were at the drugstore, she'd say call us when you get home,

but she said back! back can only mean one thing: back from new orleans! but nobody knows we're here. i mean, how would she find out? what, do you think they have spies here? they might. they come here all the time! ron probably helped half this town get back on their feet. they owe him! all right, you know what? i bet she was calling about something totally different, but i will just call to make sure. ok, ok. caller i.d.! they're gonna see the new orleans area code! are you sure they have caller i.d.? carrie, they gave us $1,500. they have luxuries we can't begin to imagine! fine. i will call from my cell phone. oh... no signal. hi, marcia. it's carrie heffernan. yeah, i just walked in my house. whoops! almost tripped over one of doug's socks. anyway, you called? oh. [whispering] what? what is it?

she just wanted to give me the number to her cat guy. ok. yeah, actually, you know what? i don't need to take that number down. it's ok. don't be snotty! take that number down! you know what, marcia? i will take the number down. let me just get a pen. ok, got one. go ahead. get a real pen! she's gonna know! go away! yeah... mm-hmm... mommy! [band plays when the saints come marching in] is one app and two entrees for only 20 bucks. only the best make their 2 for $20 menu, like the new honey pepper grill entrees. let's check out the action! they're flavorin', savorin' and more flavorin'. he could...go... all...the...way! he could...get... out of the way? ♪

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"and what do you do?" "oh, i sell insurance like no one else." "oh, that's nice." "thank you." now, that's progressive. call or click today. yeah, we, uh, we had a pretty good weekend overall, huh? well, i know i did. 'course, i wasn't the one with the nervous bowel. sure everything's ok with ron and marcia?

all right, for the tenth time, i had already hung up my cell phone when you hurled it into the mighty mississippi. ok, just checkin'. hey, i always forget. are you supposed to tip the maid, or-- yes, honey. do you have enough money? plenty. i just cashed ron and marcia's check this morning. wait a minute. you cashed it here? this check to doug and carrie... does this say bank of new orleans? i'm calling his mother. captioning made possible by sony pictures television captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org--

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