tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 13, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
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i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i'm glad we have this time together. i had a something big happen to me last night. i was going through my e-mail. i opened the computer and i see my e-mail and i get an e-mail from donald trump. i got a personal e-mail from mr. donald trump who offered me, as you'll see, an exclusive trump presidential i got this for real. it said you should get one of these, james. he calls me james. at my inauguration next year, there will be upwards of a million people, but only a few will have presidential black cards. that's right. for a one time initiation fee of $35 can get a card that has no benefits or rewards whatsoever. a black card? is this how he's reaching out to
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card? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there's another thing i'm wondering about. how did donald trump get my e-mail address? i bet the russians had something to do it. i didn't give it to him. there's also a trump gold card. that's $49. you can get the black card for $35, or the less exclusive card for $14 more. there's finally a card that's more discover. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i am also running for office, and i am offering a card too. can i get my podium here? i'd like to show you my card. [ cheers and applause ]my: i a >> jimmy: i am proud to announce and present the first ever kimmel vice president meat card. okay? if you look close cannily,
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jerky. what better way to show you friends and family that you love this country, and you can eat it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: delicious. the only meat card you can eat. it's only $89.95. all proceeds go to me. who's hungry for freedom? anybody? [ >> jimmy: i'm going to need another ten minutes to finish this. we are -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is where you're supposed to run in with a bucket. i got it. we are 25 days away from the election and donald trump is burning up like a meteor entering the atmosphere. five women have come forward
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inappropriately, touching, include a reporter from people magazine and magazine and a campaign winner. he was offered to be the spokesperson for jell-o pudding. [ applause ] >> jimmy: figuring out if it's too soon or too much. trump denied the allegations. he was in florida today setting his sights hillary clinton's brother where he slowed him down h edition of drunk donald trump. >> hillary's brother running a gold gold mine? tony, you saw tony. tony. anybody want to hire tony? [ applause ]
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he's done it again. trump also somehow found his way on the local cbs news in providence where his face was, i assume, mistakenly used to tease what i believe to be a different story. >> the clown craze continues to sweep across the country. >> it's an honest mistake. you could see how it was made. >> jimmy: you know, after that access hollywood tape came out, a number of prominent republicans called for trump to now because of the pressure from the trump base, some of those who denounced him say, i am still planning to vote for him. they essentially ununindorsed him so as not to anger those who vote for him. this is putting a lot of republicans running for reelection in a tough spot. they can lose moderates or the rest. it's like they found themselves
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halloween. halloween. pat too maniny is one of them. it's confusing to voters. the ads his campaign are running don't do a lot to clear his position up. >> i'm pat tombmy. let me be clear where i stand on donald trump. i think he's a national embarrassment and a disgrace. a disgraceful embarrassment who i am proud to support for president of the united states. donald trump is exactly what this country needs, a man with no idea what he's talking about. a man with no respect for democracy or common decency. a man who is totally unfit for office. and i am proud to support him for office. or not. yes, i am. am not. am so. are not. am too. shut up. you shut up. screw you.
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no, yes. i approve this message. no, i don't. [ applause ] >> jimmy: here's something i'd like to see the leaders getting to work on. the tsa, and i plaud them, they're cracking down on the so-called comfort animals. the animals people bring on the plane because they claim to be too nervous. it can be any kind of people. birds, monkeys, pigs, turkeys. someone brought an alpaca on the plane. all you joke online doctor. you say $75 and your pet is officially a comfort animal. it's easier to get a horse on a plane than it is to get a bottle of mouthwash on the plane. the airlines have had enough. they only want trained service animals to be allowed on the planes. i don't want to sit next to a fish tank on the plane. have you been on an airplane recently? it's like noah's arc of chihuahuas and multipoos.
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unstable that you need to hold a poodle to get on a plane, maybe you shouldn't get on a plane. that's not safe for any of us. and what if you have allergies and you have to sit next to a cat? why can we have a st. bernard on the plane but not peanuts? it doesn't make any sense. the whole thing is ridiculous, and when i am vice president, i'm planning to put a stop to this whole thing. you understand what i'm saying. >> guillermo: jimmy? my comfort pony is still okay, right? >> jimmy: you have a comfort pony? >> guillermo: yes. >> jimmy: no, no comfort ponies. no comfort anything. >> guillermo: good-bye, macaroni the pony. >> jimmy: yi feel like the bad guy because i told him he couldn't have his comfort pony,
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i don't know if it's a comfort animal or not. it's still -- [ gunshot ]>> jimmy: >> jimmy: what happened? you shot macaroni? >> guillermo: you told me to shoot the pony. >> jimmy: i never said shoot the pony. i said you couldn't have the pony at work. >> guillermo: oops. i did it again. >> jimmy: well, he's gotten himself put that gun away. all right. we have to take a break. when we come back, i'm going to go to springfield into cartoon land to visit the simpsons. and this week in "unnecessary censorship" too. stick around. we'll be right back. [?diggy? by spencer ludwig]
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>> jimmy: >> jimmy: welcome back. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, laverne cox is here, president obama today released the names of his favorite sci fi movies and tv shows. it's good to see him digging into the major the the marshatian. it's a good movie if you turn it on before matt damon. one of his favorite movies is "star trek". while we're on the subject of
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of "jeopardy". >> from maryland, and her favorite type of music is something i'd never heard of, but it doesn't sound like fun. >> i think it's very fun. it's called nerd core hip hop. yes. it's people who identify as nerdy, rapping about the things they love. video games, science fiction, having a hard time meeting romantic partners. you know. >> losers, in other words. >> well. >> i kid. >> jimmy: wow. i think we just found a new republican candidate for president. [ laughter ] . another popular long running television show is reaching a milestone this week. and on sunday night the 600th
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house of horror 37. "the simpsons" is one of the greatest shows -- [ pounding ] >> jimmy: did you feel that? what's happening? >> stupid tv. i want to see singing and a car. that's all. >> jimmy: are you homer simpson? >> are you with irs? >> i don't think so. i've always wanted to visit you here. >> why? are you here to kill me? you're here t >> jimmy: i'm not here to kill you. "the simpsons" are one of the most popular families in the world. >> i knew it. in your face, jesus family. >> jimmy: i'd love to see springfield. >> come on. there's the nuclear power plant i work at. [ bang ] >> jimmy: is that okay? >> not my shift. >> jimmy: wow. moe's. it's even more depressing than i imagined. >> yeah.
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[ burping ] . >> jimmy: that's cute. he's an alcoholic. the chalkboard. >> and this is baby maggie. if you drop her, she'll get you back. >> jimmy: how old is she? >> i never ask a lady her age. >> jimmy: but she's been a baby for a while. have you ever cleaned this pacifier? >> don't judge me because i never wash the pacifier or know how old my daughter all that matters is i love my family very much. except him. >> am i dead yet? oh, no. >> jimmy: that was great. thank you. i have to get back to the show now, but i really appreciate it. >> what? you've only seen the power plant explode once. >> jimmy: maybe next time, and if you ever need me, i'll always be in there. >> oh, tv, a beautiful distraction from the certainty of death. >> jimmy: hi, homer.
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the jimmys. [ applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for the hospitality, homer. episode 600 tree house of horror is on sunday. it's thursday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week. it is this week in "unnecessary censorship." >> no, assaults. if i grabbed donald trump's plp blp and tried to [ bleep ] him, i would go to jail. >> at points during the debate, it almost felt like watching mom and dad [ bleep ]. it got uncomfortable. >> if we overcome the divisiveness and instead we [ bleep ] some big [ bleep ]s, and i some big [ bleep ]s. if we the [ bleep ]s, there's
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>> i recently tried it, but i have yet to suck that [ bleep ]. >> what? i won't get to suck any [ bleep ]. my wife will take all of them. >> hold on. he's the guy who's going to [ bleep ] your butt and [ bleep ] your family. >> when she was sucking on that [ bleep ], it didn't look good. >> oh, yeah. >> hi there. >> may i [ bleep ] myself? >> not right now. >> jimmy >> jimmy: tonight on the show, laverne cox is here, colin farrell is here and we'll be right back with the great vin scully. sick -- stick around. >> portion >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by paqui chips. from nacho cheese to haunted ghost pepper, there's a flavor for you. [ "on the road again," by wlie nelson ] ? on the road again ? [ rear alert sounds ] [ music stops ]
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isla fisher. we will be live after the debate on wednesday with gal gadot and gary johnson. and ken and ken bone, the world's most adorable man. and we will have music from kenny loggins, x ambassadors and tom morello, the 1975 and flatbush zombies. and for those of you who live in the boston area, on saturday night, join me with bill simmons at the citi shubert theater, live for a very good cause. if you l go to citicenter.org. student tix start at $24 and we hope to see you there. >> jimmy: our first guest is hands-down the best thing about living in los angeles. he is the announcer against which all announcers are measured, who just wrapped up 67 years as the voice of the dodgers. please say hello to the great vin scully. ? ?
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>> jimmy: tha >> jimmy: thank you for being here. >> thank you very much. i'm honored. >> jimmy: i pestered you for months, i think, maybe even years to get you to come here, and finally you gave up and came in, and i appreciate it. other offers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you've been retired for 11 days now? >> since the last day in san francisco. >> jimmy: how's it going so far? is it everything you imagined? >> yes, exactly. i went to the hardware store. i have a very important engagement on monday the 17th. i am lecturing at the sixth
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grandson there. we have 16 grandchildren. >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. [ applause ] >> if i can't think of something to do, someone out there will. >> jimmy: as fortune would have it, the dodgers are playing game five right now. have you been watching these games? >> yes. sure. the dodgers beat washington 5 out of 6 during the regular year. so i expect them to win. they don't. >> jimmy: what year did you come to los angeles with the dodgers? >> we came in 1958. and we played in the coliseum which, of course, was built for football and track and the olympics, and not baseball. >> jimmy: how many seats were in the coliseum? >> the biggest crowds we had during the world series of 1959 was about 93,000.
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baseball stadium. >> in a sense, it's too big, but that worked in our favorite. >> jimmy: in what way? >> well, because right around the time we came here was the introduction of the transistor radio. you had people 70-some odd rows high up, far away from the playing field. the people knew willie mays, stan muse, but they didn't know the rank and file player, so we would explain who they were and where they came transistor radio also became a great bridge. it was a wonderful experience where it got us into the community, because i would actually talk to the people in the stadium and they would react accordingly. i mean, sometimes they would grown if i made a horrific pun. maybe they'd laugh occasionally. but we got to where we began to exchange. i would say something, and they would make sounds. you know?
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little cell phones that we carry around with us, but it was so much more intimate then. growing up, i listened to -- i think there were seasons where i listened to every game you called on the radio. and you had the middle innings ross porter and jerry dog it, and you outlasted them and kept going and going. >> well, i did put most of southern california to sleep. the transistor radio went under the pillow. i hear tt you. again, the transistor was marvelous. >> jimmy: this is a great photograph. i believe this is your first season with the dodgers when they were still in brooklyn. >> wow. >> jimmy: 1950. >> if you'll notice, there was a terrific pompadour in those days. i was in the navy. i first went to boot camp and had the hair just like that, and i got in a chair, and the sailor
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new york, and he said, i'm from mississippi. wham. and all the hair was gone. so i vowed when i got out, i would grow that hair back, and so there it is for all the world to see. >> jimmy: there it is, yeah. there you are. a young whipper snapper. >> look at that. >> jimmy: who could have imagined that kid -- how did you get interested in baseball in the first place? >> i was about that age, i think, and in those days the be college football. we're talking now in the '35, '36. we had a four legged radio with a cross piece under it. i would get a pillow and glass of milk and crackers and crawl under the radio, and the speaker was directly over my head. now, it didn't make any difference to me whether it was michigan, ohio state, tennessee, alabama.
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was the roar of the crowd. so somebody would run for a touchdown. the crowd would roar. it would be like water coming out of a shower head. i would get goose bumps all over the place. so in the beginning i loved just the roar of the crowd, and then later i thought i'd like to be there, and then later it evolved, i'd like to broadcast. so then today if i have any kind, or had any kind of a trademark, it would be i try to call the play accurately as possible and shut up and when that crowd roars for a brief time, i'm eight and a half years old. >> jimmy: that's one of the great things about listening to you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i love that. i never really thought about it like that, but, yes, you can always hear the sounds of the game when you are calling a game. in fact, when i was a young
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i worked in the fm. a a.m. was across the way. we did the dodgers game. i would go in and wait for you to say here's the pitch, and i'd put in a sound effect. i'd go boing or something crazy. i'd add crazy things to the games, and then i'd take the complaint calls from the listeners, and you enabled me to do that, because you were being to quiet at the time. [ applause could do me a huge favor. if you don't want to, decline, but as you probably know around 12 years ago i hit a major home run in a celebrity game. >> all of baseball is still talking about it. >> jimmy: it's in the books. so i was wondering if you might -- we did have play by play on it. it was fine, but i was wondering if you would be so find as to do announcing over the clip of me
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[ applause ] >> since we have not rehearsed this, i'd like to kind of take over. >> jimmy: you can do the whole rest of the show if you'd like. >> no thanks. what i will do is i will do the usual, and then when i point, it'll be time for you to come up to hit. all right? >> jimmy: all right. there's the monitor right there. >> hi, everybody. and a pleasant good evening to you wherever you may be. here we are another great night for ball game. leading off will be jimmy christian kimmel. he was born in brooklyn mill basin at about 9 years old he was an altar boy. boy, that's a long time ago, and eventually the family moved to las vegas. he graduated from clark high school, and then he went to the university of nevada for a year. two more years at arizona state,
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they say that he's very funny in the locker room. he is now coming up to leadoff here in the inning against one of the great softball pitchers in the game. as usual, he was always guilty of talking too much before having an at bat, but he's a little nervous considering to deep riere's a long fly ball to deep right center, and that is gone. >> wow. >> jimmy: thank you so much. thank you for everything, vin. unbelievable. vin scully, everybody. we'll be right back with colin
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i'll have that goat cheese garden salad. that gentleman got the last one. sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. can i keep the walnuts? sold. but i get to pick your movie. can i pick the genre? yes, but it has to be a comedy. a little cash back on the side. with the blue cash everyday card from american express,
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>> you're an interesting man. you're you're thrown out of hogwarts. >> it was an accident. >> with a beast? one of your teachers argued strongly against your expulsion. what makes him so fond of you. "fantastic beasts and where to find them" opens november 18th. please welcome colin farrell. >> good >> good to see you. are you a baseball fan? dodgers fan? >> die hard all my life. no, i know very little about baseball. i've been so to the see the dodgers play a few times. >> jimmy: do you understand what's going on in the game? >> the basics. >> jimmy: what do you know and
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i know there's a ball. >> jimmy: right. >> i know one man holds one and another man holds another. one travels toward the other. the other then travels back toward it. >> jimmy: this is a deconstructive way of watching baseball. did you guys watch -- >> i know dodger dogs. i know the singing of the song. i mean, i don't know the song. but take me out of the ball game thing. >> jimmy: yeah. i have to look at the monitor. >> jimmy: you don't know the words by heart? >> just the first line. the irish, what do we sing? ole, ole, ole. >> jimmy: that's easier, yeah. sounds -- >> learn it tonight and come back and recite it for me. >> jimmy: did you get american sporting events, like our major events when you were living there? >> american football.
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i love american football. >> jimmy: do you remember seeing it as a kid? >> there was a show on channel 4 in english network that did a recap of the week of the nfl. and the show was 50 minutes long, so they had each time for like a minute and a half. i didn't have a team, but the first super bowl i saw i believe was 1985. >> jimmy: that was a glad oood . >> chicago is in the house. the bears and the patriots. payton's last game, i think, sweetness. and the super bowl shuffle. they did that video. i was young enough to think it was cool. >> jimmy: we all thought that was cool when it happened, but if you look back -- >> the next day we looked back, the very next day. >> jimmy: it took a while to look back and realize it was the worst thing. >> i recently saw it. >> jimmy: it's crazy it
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>> jimmy: how's the family? >> they're all good. thank you. still fans of mine. >> jimmy: by the way, this movie is like is like -- is this a hear potter movie? >> it's part of the same universe. it takes place about 80 years before potter was born. it's the first screen play written by the author. >> jimmy: she wrote it >> yes. >> yes. >> jimmy: will there be follow up movies? >> there was an announcement today of five. >> jimmy: and you play a wizard? >> i do. >> jimmy: do your kids think that's school? >> it's kind of a stretch. kids? hopefully they'll like it. i did an animated film once, and i put it on for them. i liked it. i thought it was sweet, but they were like can you put on wreck it ralph, please. that was the one that didn't
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beside me wanted "wreck it ralph". >> jimmy: how old are they? >> james is 13 and henry is 7. >> jimmy: you were in "daredevil" right have they seen that? >> no. i get embarrassed. when they give roger ebert two thumbs down, couldn't take it. it's all about me, not my kids. an actor's ego. >> jimmy: i can understand that. of >> kind of for sure. i was a little hurt when they didn't like -- >> jimmy: really? >> tragic. they didn't know i was in it. i sat beside them when it was on. when my character said the line, i did the voice. >> jimmy: you did it for them? >> tragic. instead of just saying i'm the voice of that, i was like i'll just sneak it in because i don't want to be pathetic by telling them. it backfired and went the other
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you might want to have to specifically target them. >> you spend your life wanting to win your kid's favor. >> jimmy: what are they into? >> they have to be making a mine craft film. >> jimmy: i'm sure. >> i hope i can get into it. >> jimmy: play a block. >> yes. >> jimmy: a held of a role for you. >> blocks don't roll, jimmy. >> jimmy: you're right. >> a big push. >> jimmy: the last time you were here you were about to be best man at your dad's wedding. >> yes. >> jimmy: we were talking about that. you were kind of planning what you were going to do. how did it go? >> it was good. we fore went the bachelor party. just had some fish and wine the night before. it was very civil with the whole family. it was good. made the speech. >> jimmy: you did make a speech?
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or combination? >> tried to be funny, but funny light. i wrote things that didn't make the second draft. >> jimmy: it's always better to pull them back. >> i thought so. i was thinking of the wedding crashers. so, yeah, i just tried to -- his beautiful wife has seven children, so i tried to mind him in front of her, and her whole family that she was earning herself a husband and not an eighth child. >> jim: >> which wasn't really a joke, knowing the man. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah, within the space of an era, 11 children and 19 grandchildren. they're all educated or the marriage wouldn't have happened. everybody was there. i got to meet -- >> jimmy: do they have your personal information? are they able to contact you? >> no. they go through my agent.
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entire weekend entire weekends even the three day ones binging on our next guest. you know her from "orange is the new black" and next a made for tv version of "the rocky horror picture show: let's do the time warp again." it airs next thursday night on fox. please welcome laverne cox. ? [ ? [ cheers and applause ] ? ? >> jimmy: how are you? the last time i saw you i was introducing you at the emmys. >> thank you for that, by the way. you did a great job at the emmys, right? amazing. >> jimmy: now it seems like i was fishing for a compliment.
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fan of yours since "the man show". do we know "the man show"? i know i was not your target demographic, but i watch sod i could understand men better. i can't say that i do, but i had a lot of fun watching. >> jimmy: i don't think we explained anything to anybody, but we had fun making the show. how are you? >> i'm awesome. i just moved to l.a. about three i'm shooting a new show called "doubt". it will be on air early 2017. and it's been interesting. speaking of the emmys, the day after i couldn't go to afterparties. i had to be up. my call time was 4:18 a.m. and i like to wake up at least two hours before i have to be someplace. woke up at 2:18 the next day and
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judith light. >> jimmy: who are the maniacs giving you a time of 3:18 to show up at an event? that's a very, very specific time. like too specific a time. >> i have no idea how the ads come up with that time. everyone is amazing at doubt and we're having a really good time. i love my job, so i'll wake up whenever i have to. >> jimmy: seems like they could have let you sleep until 4:20 on emmys nit. that's a funny thing that happens. you hear from that people all the time. we had to do our show the next day, of course, but these shows on tape and whatever, and know know there are people on the show that are nominated and presenting, and they still have shooting the next morning very early. >> well j judith is doing a play on prbroadway in new york. the theater has mondaysoff. monday was the only day we could get her. so we had to do it that monday.
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she is the boss, it turns out after all these years. >> judith is a trooper to be doing a one woman show and agreeing to do our show. she's incredible. we love her. >> jimmy: i'm fine with judith. i have no problems, but it seems like you could at least have gotten some nap time during the day. now that you're here in los angeles, you have a house here? >> i have an apartment. i won't tell you what neighborhood. i love you, but, you know. >> jimmy: [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and you're driving? >> oh, no. >> jimmy: you don't drive? >> i'm from new york city. i don't drive. >> jimmy: that's why i ask. people get used to not driving and get here and have to drive. >> i lived in new york. i never wanted to drive. the only time i've been behind the wheel of a car was in driver's in high school. my mom is here. she told me i hit a big tree
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a car you hit a fig tree? >> apparently. >> jimmy: they will sometimes jump out. it's not on you. >> exactly. curses the fig trees. and then the driver's ed teacher thought that i was on drugs. i've never done a drug. he was like are you sure you're not on drugs? you have no depth perception. it was very much like stacey dash's character in clueless wh it was like that but times ten worse. it was scary. you don't want me driving. >> jimmy: do you have a driver's license? >> i never have. >> jimmy: do you have an i.d. card? >> i have a nondriver's state i.d. >> jimmy: do you uber? >> pretty much everywhere i go. if i get in the car and i don't want to talk to you, uber drivers, i love you, but, i'm working onlines or thinking of answering e-mails or whatever. >> jimmy: there's a lot of
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>> sometimes. %-p, are you lavern cox, and i was like no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, the phone says lavern cox on it. >> it doesn't, actually. it says something else. >> jimmy: you have a secret name? >> it's all about an alias. you have a couple for the uber drivers. >> jimmy: you don't have to drive. you don't need a driver's license, and you have to have an this rocky horror picture show is called "let's do the time warp again". >> it's the same script -- any rocky horror fans here? it's the same script from the 1975 film with some pronouns changed. and that's pretty much it. it's the same script. and what's wonderful about our version is we have a bigger budget than they did 40 years
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rock and roll and horror. and the director was a huge fan of the play, so the opening is an ho an homage to the play. it's opulent and fantastic. i had the time of my life. >> jimmy: which role do you play? >> i play dr. franken photo. it's the harder thing i've done. i've never ft incredible. it was one of the most rewarding experiences. >> jimmy: we should get you in the car on the 405 at 4:30 in the afternoon. >> this was easier. >> jimmy: we have to take a break.
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>> i wish. >> jimmy: "nightline" is next. good night. tonight, i tonight, inside the final 30. we're heading into a >> nothing i've seen in america. >> an extremely defiant trump lashing out. >> these people are horrible people. >> at those who brought personal accusations against him. a powerful appeal from michelle obama. >> a candidate for president of the united states has bragged about sexual assaulting women. >> and trump supporters turning their outrage on our cameras.
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