tonight's closing argument.

the fury over child sex abuse and the vatican is intensifying by the day. pope benedict xvi himself has now been implicated in a cover-up when he, then a cardinal, allegedly failed to defrock an american priest accused of molesting hundreds of boys. so, tonight, we ask you, should the pope resign? some might say that would be a beautiful and historic act of penance in the name of the chch, for a sin that has reached so many places in the church. or, would that be a surrender to secular forces and to secular media simply out to attack the church? tell you what you think by clicking on the "nightline" page at abc news or the "nightline" twitter page. and that's our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, along with my pal guillermo, with an important message from progressive insurance. only progressive.com puts you in

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way, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone, i'm jimmy, i'm -- i was hoping you would clap when i came out. it's thursday night. after much private practicing and greyish anatomy, we are here. do you watch this "grey's anatomy?" a lot of people watch it. very popular show. but one of the most popular actresses on the show, katherine heigl has announced that not only is she leaving the cast, she already left. it turns out her last episode was two months ago. shwas supposed to come back to do more in march, but didn't want to, so she didn't. now that's health care reform

right there, right? she said the parting was mutual and noad feelings. producers said they are not planning to make a big deal. they aren't going to have a big emotional death or anything. they are just going -- they are going to have someone say, hey, anybody seen izzy and somebody else will say, oh, izzy died of gonorrhea, and leave it at that. i like it that way. [ applause ] there's no reason to -- hey, speaking of tv death. we're down now to ten contestants on "american idol." three who can sing. last night, a young woman named paige miles was voted off. she had a tough time with the song "against all odds." not a good performance. normally when people get voted off that show, they show a montage, looking back on their best moments. last night, it -- it seemed like they wanted to punish paige for her performance. >> turn around here and let's take a look at your trip here on "american idol." roll that. watch. >> i've been struggling with

song choice badly. >> what went wrong with the voice this week, paige? >> i have larn ji tis. >> my god. >> reporter: paige, off the nationwide vote, i'm sorry to tell you, you are in the bottom three tonight. >> i struggled with the song. my pitch was all over the place. >> two of your bottom three. >> it was the worst vocal that i've ever heard from you and possibly of the season. >> pauj, it's probably the worst i've heard you. >> i don't want to give you any false hope here. it the end. >> the person going home tonight is -- paige miles. >> paige miles. >> jimmy: living in harsh times now. we really are. [ applause ] so -- sorry. hey, more good news for jesse james. another miress has surfaced. this makes three now. still well behind tiger, but a healthy number. this time, not a stripper or a nazi, a photographer, which is a nice change of pace. her name is bridget. she claims she, that jesse hired

her to work on a photo shoot and they had sex four times at his shop, which is where the other ones said they -- when did this guy have time to build motorcycles? she claims to have 195 text messages to prove the relationship, and they're extremely graphic. i can't mention many of them but one of them said "i'll be your monkey." i tell you, i'm really learning a lot about how to interact with women. i never thought of telling a woman i would be her monkey. and maybe that's where it all went wrong, you know? jesse james, he said to be hoping to reconcile with his wife, though unfortunately, republicans today vowed to block reconciliation in the senate, so, that is going to -- meanwhile, sandra bullock released her oscar winning movie "the blind side" on dvd. i don't know if th is intentional, but there seemed to be subtle references to the events going on in her life right now. >> up and at them.

come an get it, child. >> thank you, momma. >> he's been enrolled in seven different institutions including a gap of 18 months around the age of 10 when he apparently didn't attend school at all. >> come on. >> are you going to protect the family, michael? >> yes, ma'am. >> you are going to want to get this. >> hey, babe. you ever seen "monster garage?" >> "the blind side." [ applause ] >> jimmy: see what i mean? it's -- there are some -- [ applause ] of course all of this jesse james stuff could not have come at a better time for tiger woods, who is about to return to golf. this makes you wonder if they have a secret deal. listen, jesse, how would you like to make a quick $30 million? tiger will be holding his first press conference since his scandal on the monday after

next. he's got a lot to try to avoid talking about. and he wants to get that done. at this press conference he is only taking questions about mistress number one and he will do one more each monday until christmas, i think. in the meantime, he, tiger, is still working to repair hir his relationship with his wife. they had a meeting and she only kicked him in the nuts four times. good progress there. my guess is, now, that jesse james is going to follow tiger woods' lead and go into sex rehab. that's how we do it in hollywood. you get a speeding ticket, you go to traffic school. you cheat on your wife, you have to go to sex rehab. tiger woods spent six weeks in rehab, which is a long time. i haven't gone without sex for six weeks since i was 40, i think, so -- it's tough. but with more and more celebrities needing treatment, one cheap has figured out a way to give it to them as fast as they can. >> are you addicted to sex but

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has ordered the armed forces to initiate changes to their policy for discharging homosexuals. this is the first step towards a full repeal of the military's official of bank gays in the military. gates wants the "if you think he's gay, look away" policy today. and that's great. baby stepses right? this means the only place gay people can now be legally thrown out is "project runway." they do it every week. the fbi is investigating threats against democratic members of congress who voted in favor of the health care bill. several have had bricks thrown through their windows, threatening voice mails. a coffin was left on a congressman's lawn in virginia. people hate going to the doctor, i guess, is the lesson. some democrats are accusing sarah palin of encouraging violence ba

violence because of her facebook page. don't retreat, reload. she has gun sights targeting the 20 poll situations she wants gone there, in the crosshairs there. one of her advisers said palin has been, quote, vocal about condemning violence, so -- yeah, tell that to the 100 moose, 40 caribou and piper's guinea pig that she shot last year. in other smart people news -- this is great. this is from "jeopardy." >> this comedian celebrated his 100th birthday in 2003. his widow ew out 100 candles in 2009. >> who is george carlin. >> no. >> in december 2002, this senator celebrated his 100th birthday with a party on capitol hill. >> who is sharpton? >> no. >> jimmy: that's -- [ laughter ]

he came in last. [ applause ] with -- you know -- if you want really dumb answers, and we do, your best bet game show wise is always "family feud." this is a.j. who gave one of the great answers of all time. >> a.j. here, $3,000 question. give me the title of a classic movie that starts with the letter c. a.j.? >> "sea biscuit." >> jimmy: technically -- no, not technically. some more legal trouble today for michael jackson's form eer doctor. michael jackson's fathers filing a wrongful death lawsuit against him, seeking punitive damages for loss of economic support and loss of a family relatiship. that was some relationship they had there, really. so far he's the only family member to sue but his lawyer says he'll represent any jackson joining in.

the lawyer for dr. murray say this is like throwing a bucket of walter on a man drowning in the ocean. i don't know about it. we can go right to the source. we have live via satellite, joe jack-o-lantern with us. >> i don't think he looks throwing a bucket on a man drowning in the ocean at all. i think it more like putting a poodle in the microwave. >> jimmy: i see. so -- >> and what if the man were half dolphin? dolphin can swim and they shoot gold out their blow holes. i read that on the youtube. >> jimmy: what do you hope to get out of this, joe? >> what do i hope to get out of it? i joseph bubble game san francisco treat jackson expect $40 billi in coins to be delivered to my mailbox lol web md. >> jimmy: so, while -- >> check out my new gospel group. knock knock, who there, not

sully sullenberger. by now. joe got to go. >> jimmy: thank you, joe. that's joe jack-o-lantern. looks good. i honestly have no explanation for that. big reality show news. mtv announced thisupcoming sixth season of "the hills" will be the last for the show. [ applause ] planning to run the entire cast through a woodchiper at the end. [ applause ] actually the reason -- the reason they're can receiving it is, they've run out of places for the cast to eat brunch. so, they had to -- "the hills" was a big hit for mtv. how they're going to find another group of young people that are willing to be followed around by a camera crew, i have no idea. from the looks of it, it looks like the last season is going to be a good one. >> you've seen them sit. you've seen them stand.

you've seen them look at each other. now they sit, stand and look at each other for the last time. "the hills." only on mtv. >> jimmy: that's -- [ applause ] it's -- it's just a shame that heidi and spencer are alive to see this. that's all. one more thing. it's thursday night, time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary senscensorship kwchlts. >> seems ridiculous to say [ bleep ] you l for being here. >> then there was that [ bleep ] up by vice president joe biden. >> joining us is the author of "the big black [ bleep ]." >> a lot of people an apology. i [ bleep ] a lot of people. not just my wife. my friends, my colleagues, the public. kids who looked up to me.

>> i'm at home most when i'm on stage with a [ bleep ] in my [ bleep ]. >> shh. >> [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ]. >> this is the room president obama [ bleep ] you. you [ bleep ] in here last night. >> exciting for both of us. >> the fight is not over. people are [ bleep ] people up. >> an animal most people never want to [ bleep ]. you said -- obvious reasons a pork pine. >> only been nine weeks but i [ bleep ] a whole person. >> hey [ bleep ] face! can't you read? [ applause ] >> jimmy: we have a good show tonight. craig robinson is here. sarah mclachlan and 'emmylou harris are here. and pierce brosnan is here, so hang out. vo: old navy super search!

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>> jimmy: thank you, cleto. hey, we're back. with us tonight on the show, a very funny man who you know from "the office," "knocked up" and "pineapple express." his new movie, "hot tub time machine," opens tomorrow. craig robinson is here. then later on, two exceptionally talented singers. they kick off the littlith tour starting june 27th in calgary. sarah mclachlan and emmylou harris -- together. tickets for the lilith tour go on sale this saturday, march 27th. next week, miley cyrus, kevin nealon, elizabeth mitchell, carey mulligan, tom arnold, ok go, erykha badu, matisyahu, and more. so join us next week. our first guest tonight is a former 007 with maybe the best

name anyone has ever had. he has two movies -- one called "the ghost writer," which is in theaters now. and next friday, "the greatest" opens in select cities. please say hello to pierce brosnan. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i have to say that i feel like i'm looking in the mirror right now. >> you are quite -- brother from another mother. >> jimmyhow is everything? >> very good. nice to meet you. >> jimmy: you have four movies already this year. that's a lot of movies. we're only in march. >> it's an embarrassment of riches. >> jimmy: you had "percy jackson," "remember me," "the ghost writer" and "the

greatest." >> and also "oceans." i did the narration for a beautiful disney nature show. >> jimmy: i heard about that, yeah. that's going to be -- [ applause ] >> it's -- it's all about our beautiful ocean and -- >> jimmy: the ocean. the one we have out here by the beach. right? >> that big stretch of water. >> jimmy: which is your favorite ocean? >> the wettest. the closest. >> jimmy: whichever is the closest. i want to ask you about something. i was looking at what i think is your twitter page and -- >> all right. >> jimmy: you tell me. now, this twitter page went up in july of last year. it says pierce brosnan on it. and now -- in july, on july 17th, you said, in new york city, taking a break, and off to see paurt mccartney tonight, i'll let you know how the concert was. and the next post is january 22nd, 2010.

i -- >> about that much. i lost interest. add. that's why i'm an actor, it's like -- okay. >> jimmy: that's some serious laziness right there, i mean -- [ applause ] i mean -- but that is you. and you still you have 10,000 followers despite the fact that there's nothing to see. >> luck of the irish. what can i say? >> jimmy: you did that movie "remember me" with robert pit tinson who is the teen sex symbol, people go berserk when they see him -- >> the young studly out there. >> jimmy: did you advise him on how to be young and studly? >> no, i wouldn't do such a thing. i wouldn't be so bold. but you know, he's a wonderful young lad and, you know, i could be his father and i am his father in the movie, and, you know, we were making this film in new york and i'd seen "twilight," i'd seen this raving

lunacy around this young fellow but when you experience it and you're down there on central park south and, you know, you go to work in the morning and there's 6,000 girls, it feels like and you are sitting in your little trailer and down the ere end of the road is his trailer with all the girls, and -- the ego kind of gets a little bit bruised as you -- mildly. it's all right, thank you. thank you. [ applause ] it was some lovely mothers and grandmothers and cool people there for me, too. >> jimmy: all right, that's -- i hope you at least had the bigger trailer. >> no, they were very small. >> jimmy: oh, they were. another indignity. for god's sake. you're james bond, for god sake. >> i was. >> jimmy: well, once you are, you always are. [ applause ] >> well, you know, it's a small group of men now.

it's a small club of guys. >> jimmy: it's you and sean connery and me and daniel -- >> you want to do it, jimmy? you want to play bond? >> jimmy: i would like to be the first fat james bond, yeah. we have a black president. why not? >> rave on. >> jimmy: have you met those guys? >> i met sean one day. i was doing one of the movies, "die another day" and hanging on these ropes on this huge explosion and it's like 8:00 in the morning, i just said good-bye to the wife and kids, you know -- >> jimmy: maybe forever. >> i'm james bond but i'm not, just an actor. and you're hanging there like this, you know, and then the go, action! and the next thing is, you are hurdling down this, you know, this tunnel, and everything is breaking loose behind you. so i got away with it and they said, okay, that's good. well, you're dismissed. i went outside, i was putting my bags in the car and i close the

trunk, the bonnet and as i close it there was sean connery, and he said, you know, pierce, are they paying you ough money, son? are they paying you enough? and that was one of my first encounters with sean. >> jimmy: that was it, huh? >> that was it. he came down and he said -- >> jimmy: he's a man of few words. [ applause ] >> he came down for a hair cut to the studio. >> jimmy: really? >> he's a good scotsman. >> jimmy: this movie "the greatest" is very intense. i watched it last night and it's -- it's sad. it's a sad movie. >> it is sad, yeah. it's a beautiful film about the loss of a son and it's -- susan sarandon, carrie mulligan who you are going to have on the show. >> jimmy: great cast. >> it's a small drama, but dealing with big themes. and if you go see the movie, and hopefully you do, you've got to

bring your kleenex. >> jimmy: it not a james bond movie. >> no, it's not. >> jimmy: there's no -- >> nor should it be. >> jimmy: no. >> it's a beautiful drama. >> jimmy: it is. and we have a clip here. and if you be so kind to set that up for us. >> i'm not quite sure what it is, jimmy. >> jimmy: it's -- >> you set it up. >> jimmy: the scene where you are -- you are finding out about, you are finding the reason you've -- the young visitor has come to your home. >> she comes to my door and tells me some news. >> jimmy: so, this is where, well, why don't you take it from here. this is -- >> just show it. just show it, jimmy. just show it. >> jimmy: we'll just show it. >> here you go. >> sit down, make yourself comfortable there. trying to figure out how you knew bennett. are you part of youth in government? >> no. >> you must be an intern at the paper. >> no. >> oh.

community service? just tell me if i'm hot or cold. >> cold. >> not east ivy. i don't think he held onto friends from junior high. >> no. i'm the one he got pregnant. >> excuse me? >> jimmy: well, there you go. that's just the beginning. it's called "the greatest." it opens in select cities on april 2nd. and "the ghost writer" is in theaters now. pierce brosnan, everybody. we'll be right back with craig robinson. you son-of-a-biscuit- eating-bulldog! what the french toast? did you think i wouldn't find out about... your little doo-doo head cootie queen? who are you calling a ootie queen, you lit-licker! pickle you, kumquat! you're overreacting. no, bill, verreacting was... when i put your convertible #into a wood chipper, stinky-mcstink-face! fabulous! orbit spearmint clans another dirty mouth.,

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>> jimmy: welcome back. sarah mclachlan and emmylou harris been here. our next guest graduated from whitney m. young high school in chicago eight years after michelle obama. now she's first lady of the united states and, starting tomorrow, he's starring in the new movie "hot tub time machine." i call that a tie, right? please welcome craig robinson. [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: good to see you. let me say, again, i feel like i'm staring in a mirror. it's incredible. you look very handsome. all dressed up. you look good. >> i came to see you, bro. always something special when i come to this show. >> jimmy: you, you know, you were a teacher for real no kidding around. what subject did you teach? >> kindergarten through eighth grade music. >> jimmy: was that a fun -- [ applause ] >> oh, yeah. it happened. >> jimmy: was it a fun thing, doing that? >> sometimes it was a lot of fun, you know. i had a choir and these amazingly talented kids and i would take them around the city and, you know, sing at the museum, at the nursing home and things like that. sometimes it wasn't so much. >> jimmy: were there -- were there particular kids that were troublesome? >> i had this one class, like,

they -- all they had was a teacher in the room and all day they had a security guard in the room until it came to music. then it was like, here you go, here's mr. robinson. >> jimmy: you had to fill both roles, right? >> right. one kid cut a bird's head off. it was very, very disturbing. >> jimmy: really? wow. >> it was shocking. >> jimmy: in music? >> in music class, cut a bird's head off. i had a bird sinng, trying to teach them -- >> no, it was -- it was in science class or something, but it was -- it got around the school. >> jimmy: that's no good at all. do you perrer if the "hot tub time machining" rather than the music teaching? >> it depends who's in it with me. >> jimmy: you guys have been all over the country. >> did a crew of tucks parade -- >> jimmy: what? >> crew of tucks? like, friar tuck? >> jimmy: like the hemorrhoid ointment? >> yes.

and it was -- it's -- there's no rules. >> jimmy: yeah, of course not. not at mardi gras. >> well, they had a mardi gras in san diego and they have rules there. >> jimmy: they do? they do two pa raids. a lot of fun. just -- not as wild. >> jimmy: in san diego, you did something, and we happen to have the tape. you somehow wound up doing the weather on the local news there. >> yeah, yeah. i've done the weather before and people always surprised when they see, you know, what i do. >> jimmy: well, i have to say, i was impressed by the skill with which you deliver. you're not a meteorologist, are you? >> i -- part-time, yeah. >> jimmy: let's look at it, see what the wetter is like in your neck of the woods. >> so, as you can see, in fallbrook, it's going to be 08 -- oh, wait, 80. and then we got, yeah, it's different, so -- chew la vista is down this way, over here, and

if you can see, if you see where i'm saying right here, it's going to be cloudy, but sunny. okay. here comes the traffic. apparently i'm in danger. but yeah, so, it's traffic. so, go on this road. and that is a look. back to the desk! >> jimmy: beautifully done. beautifully done. [ applause ] you're a real sam champion. now -- your co-star, clark duke was here. he was talking ash -- >> brilliant. a writer. he's funny. >> jimmy: a smart guy. it seems like you guys were just drunk and crazy through the shooting of this entire movie. >> they were. >> jimmy: they were. you were -- who was the drunkest and craziest of the group? >> clark duke. >> jimmy: he was? >> easily. i mean -- we were going, you know, tit for tat sometimes, but

clark, he goes hard. >> jimmy: yeah, clark goes hard. he seems to indicate that you go hard, also. >> that's what she said. what? [ applause ] >> jimmy: congratulations. that's how you handle those kids, huh? >> i -- you know, the way to get them to call down sometimes, we would have to play "the dozens." i try to teach in between "the dozens." i be like, your momma so fat, she wake up in stions, so, the fifth symphony, right? so, you had to, the attention for a little amount of time. >> jimmy: you have to do what you can there. but this -- the movie was crazy. the movie -- well, it should

have been a fun movie to make because it is, sees like a fun movie. >> it was a lot of fun to make. i had to learn how to ski. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> and i told them, i said, i'm black. [ laughter ] they made me do it anyway. when you see a guy skiing on the movie, "hot tub time machine" march 26th. when you see a guy skiing on the movie, it's a stunt double, but when you see a guy standing up on skis, that's me. >> jimmy: you learn to stand up on skis. we have a clip of the movie here. "hot tub time machine" it opens torrow. >> something weird is going on. >> oh. i love your hair. >> yo! i have a question. >> dude is rocking a cassette player. >> i'm sure there's a reason. >> leg warmers?

jerry curl. excuse me. what color is michael jackson? >> black. ♪ >> jimmy: there you go. "hot tub time machine" opens tomorrow. craig robinson, everybody. coming up, sarah mclachlan and emmylou harris. where you're comfortable with who you are. shouldn't your skin be just as comfortable? ♪ introducing new dove men+care with micromoisture. this new technology activates on contact leaving your skin moisturized. it's clinically proven to fight skin dryness better than any regular men's body wash... leaving your skin feeling comfortable. new dove men+care. be comfortable in your own skin. ♪ what the french toast? did you think i wouldn't find out about... your little doo-doo head cootie queen? who are you calling #a cootie queen, yo lint-licker!

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- at the price you need. - toy and tomorrow. that's our promise. that's ingredients for life. safeway. >> jimmy: the lilith tour launches june 27 in calgary, and tickets go on sale this saturday. these exceptionally talented women are on it. here with the song, "angel,"

sarah mclachlan and emmylou harris. ♪ ♪ spend all your time waiting for that second chance for a break that would ♪ ♪ make it okay there's always some reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the ♪ ♪ end of the day i need some distraction oh beautiful release memory seeps from my veins ♪ ♪ let me be empty and weightle and maybe

i'll find some peace tonight in the arms of an angel ♪ ♪ fly away, from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that ♪ ♪ you fear you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie ♪ ♪ you're in the arms of the angel may you find some comfort here ♪

♪ so tired of the straight line and everywhere you turn there's vultures and ♪ ♪ thieves at your back and the storm keeps on twisting you keep on ♪ ♪ building the lie that you make up for all that you lack it don't make no ♪ ♪ difference escaping one last time it's easier to believe in this sweet madness ♪ ♪ oh, this glorious sadness

that brings me to my knees in the arms of an angel fly away, from here ♪ ♪ from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear ♪ ♪ you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie you're in the ♪ ♪ arms of the angel may you find some comfort here

you're in the ♪ ♪ arms of the angel may you find some comfort here ♪ lp.

>> jimmy: all ght, we're back. sarah mclachlan and emmylou harris and that was really terrific. i felt like i was in the arms of an angel. >> aw. >> jimmy: you guys are going to be performing together. >> we are. >> jimmy: on the lilth, which used to be the litlth fair -- >> eliminated the fair part. bring it up to modern times. >> jimmy: no petting zoos? >> no, none of that. >> no joustin ingjoust ining. >> jimmy: you have to have that? >> that's back stage.