not enough to turn back santorum. we expect the results of the hawaii caucuses in the wee hours. thank you for watching. we'll see you back here tomorrow. good night, america. up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- will ferrell. [ speaking fan spanish ] >> ellie kemper. >> for a while, i was convinced that there were ghosts spoking pot. >> and music from allen

>> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy kimmel. along with alyssa, who we found on youtube because she can say any word backwards. [ talking backwards ] >> jimmy: see? alyssa's here to help me tell you that stubhub is the place to find great deals on concerts and sporting events. even if they're sold out or last-minute. and it's so easy to use, you can place your order faster than you can say stubhub backwards. alyssa? >> buhbuts. >> jimmy: that's right. buhbuts, stubhub backwards. stubhub's interactive seat maps give you the freedom to choose the seats you want. alyssa, freedom backwards. >> modeerf.

>> jimmy: interactive, backwards. >> evitcaretni. >> jimmy: correct. stubhub offers a fanprotect guarantee so you'll be confident your tickets will be valid and arrive on time for your event. guarantee, backwards. >> eetnaraug. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: stubhub is the place to go for tickets to games and concerts. tickets to games and concerts. >> strecnoc dna semag ot stikcit. >> jimmy: you're amazing. >> znizama er'ouy. >> jimmy: thank you very much. >> uoy knaht. >> jimmy: that's really amazing. >> hguone s'taht, yako. >> jimmy: now, it's getting annoying. [ talking backwards ] >> dicky: stubhub, the place where millions of fans go every month to find the seats they want to sports, concerts and more. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with ellie kemper, music from allen stone and will ferrell. will ferrell backwards. [ cheers and applause ] [ male announcer ] when do you take 5-hour energy?

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tonight -- will ferrell. ellie kemper. and music from allen stone. with cleto and the cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you, band. hi, there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host for the show. thanks for watching. [ cheers and applause ] tonight is night one of the ncaa basketball tournament. march madness officially begins tonight. don't forget to set your wallet back 20 bucks. like most places of business, we have an office pool here at the show. we have an office pool where we bet who will win the office

pool. we have a gambling problem. but the timing of the tournament works out nicely for me this year. now that "the bachelor" is over, i have time to follow other sports. i have unlv versus courtney in the finals. there's a new study. this happens every year, that shows the ncaa basketball tournament will drastically reduce workplace productivity in march. 2.5 million workers will waste 90 minutes a day watching basketball and filling out brackets. maybe we should export march madness to china to slow them down a little. [ laughter ] the study was done by the employment consulting firm, challenger, grey and christmas. that's really the name of the company. i went on the website today. and this is the home page there. you see in the window, challenger, gray and christmas are busy watching over the city to make sure we aren't watching basketball. zoom in more on that, will you? oh, look at that. those hypocrites.

they're filling out ncaa brackets. the report has one fatal flaw in my opinion. it assumes that if we weren't watching march madness, we would be working. but around here, at least, i can assure you that's not the case. all it cuts into around here, is time watching internet porn. so, that could be a good thing. it could be tough to keep up a job while watching the ins and outs of basketball. tonight, we have a panel of experts to fill it out for you. the land-o-lakes butter lady. our correspondent yehya. and cory, who works outside of our building. together, they are gnome, as the worst sports team on television. >> hi. i'm yehya. welcome to the show. i'm yehya. >> and i'm cory. [ laughter ] >> and today, talking about the

march mountainous. taking about the east. you know? actually, the east is texas, florida. i don't know that's a name i forget. >> florida. >> i said florida. >> okay. >> texas. those are the first. >> texas. and now, it's got, like -- isn't that where they got the kangaroos? >> no. kangaroos in canada. not in texas. >> i thought they put up the fences. >> no. in texas, they have tornadoes. i don't know. in canada, right? >> she only knows about the butter. >> okay. for that for me, that's it. thank you. good-bye. >> buy my butter. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. you know -- [ cheers and applause ] couldn't get a word in edgewise

with the butter lady. i told you it was the worst sports team on television. president obama was at one of the play-in games at dayton, ohio, tonight. he brought british prime minister, david cameron, with him. it's part of a cultural exchange program. they go to a basketball game here. and then, in july, the prime minister has invited obama to england to take part in a soccer riot. there were a number of primaries, in alabama, mississippi, hawaii, and american samoa. i knew they had a cookie. but they're voting now. good for them. if you or someone you love is suffering from multiple elections, please, get them help immediately. romney and santorum were neck and neck and double-chin all night long. mitt romney has trouble relating to regular people. someone asked him if he was a fan of nascar.

and he said he had several friends who were nascar team owners. and when asked about peyton manning, romney said he has nfl team owners. he knows a lot of owners. the candidates seem like the kind of guy you can have a beer with? mitt romney's the kind of guy you can buy a brewery with. rick santorum yesterday spoke at what they call the gulf coast energy summit, in biloxi, mississippi. and he said, he believes global warming is bogus. and when rick santorum speaks about climate science, you listen. because as you can see here, he looks a lot like a local weather man. thanks, rick. now, here's newt with sports. here's what i would ask rick santorum, if global warming isn't real, why don't any of your sweaters have sleeves? santorum went on to say -- he also doesn't believe that carbon dioxide is dangerous. >> when it was tough to say that stuff in the ground is an asset,

not a liability, i stood up and said, the science is bogus. i said, this isn't climate science. this is political science. the dangers of carbon dioxide, tell that to a plant how dangerous carbon dioxide is. >> jimmy: really? really? to a plant? [ laughter ] you think being under water is dangerous? tell that to a fish. [ laughter ] i don't get it. but i do like to keep an open mind. i'm going to do exactly what rick santorum suggested, if you don't mind. oh, we happen to have some plants over here. all right. what i'm going to do is i'm going to consult a plant. specifically, this plant here. >> hello, jimmy. >> jimmy: hi, plant. >> hi. >> jimmy: i wanted to ask you, is carbon dioxide dangerous? >> well, actually, jimmy, it is. yes. while plants like me do absorb

carbon dioxide, we can't imagine to absorb the amount that humans put into the air. this carbon builds up in something called the greenhouse effect, which traps heat from the sun, leaving a warming cycle that can be dangerous for life on this planet. click. additional carbon is absorbed by the ocean, increasing its acidity and making its toxic to animal and plant life. that's what you end up with. >> jimmy: thank you, plant. i'm glad i asked you about that. >> no problem. and can you tell your cousin to stop peeing on me? >> jimmy: yeah. i'll mention it to him. thank you very much. that's a plant. [ cheers and applause ] between guillermo and the plant,

we're this close to running "sesame street." former vice president dick cheney is back in the news. dick cheney just canceled a trip to canada, because he believes it's too dangerous. it is? i thought canada was in canada, isn't it? [ laughter ] for a guy who shoots old men in the face, he has a weird sense of what's dangerous. apparently, dick cheney is worried because his presence has caused violent protests in canada in the past, which i guess can be dangerous. he's not in great health. what if he suffered another heart attack. he would be whisked to the hospital where he would get expert care for free. everything he believes in would be destroyed. i don't want to bring the mood down. but this is something i'm very upset about. have you seen the movie "the artist"? it's a great movie. and the best part of the movie, in my opinion, was the dog. there's a dog named jack. it's played by an actor dog named uggie.

uggie is a great dog. he knows a lot of tricks. we thought it would be fun to have him on our show to make oscar predictions last month. he was here for five nights. here's uggie in th movie "the artist." see? good-looking dog, with best actor, jean desjardins. now, pause that. here's video of uggie when he was on our show. we're going to freeze that, too. and examine here. if you look closely, a sharp-eyed young lady named diane noticed this. the marking behind uggie's ear does not match the dog in the movie. i believe we were given a phony uggie. a phuggie, if you will. which, to me, is an outrage. and we weren't the only ones who fell victim to this hoax. here's uggie on ellen's show. and that doesn't look like the uggie, either. they swindled me. and they swindled ellen. not only that. the dog on stage at the golden

globes, you can see here, does not have the markings that uggie has. and the dog who went to the oscars, the dog on the stage at the academy awards, not uggie, either. it's quite a scandal we've uncovered here, isn't it? [ laughter ] it would be like if they sent a meryl streep look-alike to the academy awards. uggie got invited to the white house correspondents dinner next month. and if they don't send the real uggie, i'm not letting him in. [ cheers and applause ] a crime has been committed, hasn't it? and where is mcgruff, the crime dog, through all of this? i want to get to the bottom of this. we paid an imposter. it cost us thousands of dollars to have -- that's ugged up is what it is. next, we're going to find out

the snooki we had on the show was fake, too. i'm going to find out who is responsible for this. and i'm going to make them pay. i'll get ace ventura on the phone. can you believe this, guillermo? >> no, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's still got kermit in camouflage in the corner there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we're all in a lot of shock. guillermo was up very early this morning tweeting. he has a baby son at home. and early this morning, here's guillermo's tweet. good morning, friends. i am hungry. and my son won't go to sleep. and then, he tweeted, my stomach is making different types of noises. is 4:46 in the morning in l.a. is way too early for a pizza. and too cold for a cereal. [ laughter ] too cold for cereal? it was 55 degrees, today, by the way. and then, he wrote, i think i will make some coffee with peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and then, huevos rancheros sound good, too.

but it takes so much noise. and everybody is sleeping. and then, my son just fall asleep. great. time to visit the kitchens, my friends. thanks for sharing your struggles, with us, guillermo. what did you wind up eating? >> peanut butter and jelly sandwich. >> jimmy: with the coffee? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you pour them on the sandwich? or separately? >> separately. >> jimmy: you should make a book of these tweets for your son to read. and he grows up and thinks you're crazy. one more thing. this is odd. according to law enforcement officials all across the country, there's a strange, new crime wave. people are stealing tide laundry detergent. a bottle of tide can go for $5 to $10 on the black market. i'm not sure why wide buy one on the black market when they're on the market. some cities are setting up task

forces to stop this. i wonder how much street cred you get for being a tide burglar. police believe it's tied to the drug trade. and my prayer is they're not washing their blood shirts with the crypt's pants. the thefts are getting more and more brazen. i saw this on tv today. look at this. >> for my family's toughest stains, there's only one detergent -- >> give me the tide. give it to me. >> no. >> no. >> cheer detergent. why take chances. all-temp-a-cheer. >> jimmy: all right. we have a good show for you tonight. from "the office," and "21 jump street," ellie kemper is here. we have music, tonight, from allen stone. and we'll be right back with will ferrell, en espanol. so, stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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nothing relieves allergy congestion faster. get claritin-d at the pharmacy counter. live claritin clear. i love it. i take the stuff everywhere. exactly. everyone's more energized, more alert. i've lost their respect. last night i hit on a dirty hyena and she laughed in my face. that's nasty. remember when i used to be it? i was the man. you needed to track the gazelle down for dinner, you came to me. oh who's laughing now!? gazelle!! [ laughs ] [ male announcer ] personal, portable mio energy. shake things up. [ male announcer ] personal, portable mio energy. this one's for all us lawnsmiths. grass gurus. doers. here's to more saturdays in the sun. and budgets better spent. here's to turning rookies - into experts, and shoppers into savers. here's to picking up. trading up. mixing it up. to well-earned muddy boots. and a lot more - spring per dollar.

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello there. tonight on the program, a delightful woman you know from the movie "bridesmaids," and the show "the office." and her new movie is "21 jump street." ellie kemper is here. [ cheers and applause ] and then, with music from this, his self-titled album, allen stone from the bud light stage. it's his birthday, too. so, stick around for cake. join us tomorrow night. jonah hill will be here. we'll have music from the crystal method, featuring martha reeves. that will be weird. and then, thursday, channing tatum, genesis rodriguez, and music from the joy formidable. [ cheers and applause ] now, for the remainder of our segment, i will transition into

espanol. [ laughter ] [ speaking in spanish ] [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ]

[ speaking in spanish ] [ speaking in spanish ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

[ speaking in spanish ] [ speaking in spanish ] [ cheers and applause ] [ speaking in spanish ]

[ laughter and applause ] [ speaking in spanish ] >> no understand. >> sorry. i don't understand what you guys are talking about. [ applause ] [ speaking in spanish ]

[ laughter and applause ] [ laughter and applause ] [ speaking in spanish ]

[ speaking in spanish ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

[ speaking in spanish ] [ speaking in spanish ] [ laughter ] >> continue. [ speaking in spanish ] [ cheers and applause ]

[ speaking in spanish ] [ laughter ] [ speaking in spanish ] [ cheers and applause ] [ speaking in spanish ]

[ speaking in spanish ] [ applause ] [ speaking in spanish ]

>> can you stop this thing with the subtitles, please? [ bleep ]. i mean, i'm just a normal guy that comes from mexico, you know? that has been used by an american again. [ laughter ] once again. and i just have to say that, we come from a country of very, very beautiful people. you know? we are all very, very handsome. very good-looking. you know? i mean, you can use me as an example. [ laughter ] right? another great example. actor in this film. guillermo over there. come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. like guillermo over here. >> you're bringing down our people. i mean, i know our film is going to be a huge success. it opens friday, by the way. [ cheers and applause ] but you have to stop this thing.

you're not mexican, no matter how much you try. you can't be mexican. sorry. sorry. with that pasty, white skin, come on. we don't use crazy hair like yours, man. sorry. you are not mexican. do you get it, will? okay? [ speaking in spanish ] [ cheers and applause ] >> by the way, you speak better spanish than him. >> jimmy: gracias. >> everything is fake here. this horse is fake. [ laughter ] [ bleep ]. [ cheers and applause ] [ speaking in spanish ]

[ speaking in spanish ] [ cheers and applause ] [ speaking in spanish ] [ cheers and applause ]

ashlee! ashlee! ashlee! ashlee! what were you looking for when you bought your edge? um, i was definitely looking for fuel economy. that's the whole reason we, we wanted to look at the ecoboost. can you talk a little bit about the style of the edge? um, well, i think it's very hip. i even have several guys were like "whoa, do have twenties on those". like, don't even know what that means, but i guess it's cool. (laugh) ♪

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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hola. wait a minute. still to come on the show, allen stone will be with us. our next guest is a very funny woman, who was once a baby and now is grown. you know her from "the office," and from "bridesmaids." now, she co-stars with jonah hill and channing tatum in the big-screen version of "21 jump street." it opens in theaters friday. please welcome ellie kemper. [ cheers and applause ]

[ cheers and applause ] you're very speedy. i like that. >> i run. i get excited. and i have to run out. >> jimmy: do you speak spanish, too? >> i don't. i wanted to. >> jimmy: do you speak any other languages? >> i took french in high school. >> jimmy: oh. >> i took french because my uncle -- i'm sorry. my aunt married a french farmer. so, we have all these french cousins. i'm not that good. i thought i was very good at french. and we go to visit my uncle and aunt in france. my uncle, michele is french. and he says, to me, you understand. kerry can speak it. i understand what is being said. i just can't speak it. >> jimmy: your uncle would visit and insult you? >> he would insult me. he's a very kind man. but he speaks the truth. you are not good at speaking the

language. i know why i'm not good. >> jimmy: why? >> in french class, in tenth grade, all we did was watch the o.j. trial. [ laughter ] that's why i'm not good. we literally -- how long was the o.j. trial? it was like months. >> jimmy: almost a year. >> yes. months. and once a week, we would watch it. it wasn't in french. we didn't talk about it in french. we just watched it. >> jimmy: your teacher was into o.j. >> yes. i can say it. >> jimmy: you knocked his socks off with knowledge of o.j. >> and i haven't retained that. he was innocent, right? >> jimmy: well -- [ laughter ] some would say no. [ laughter ] >> it depends. >> jimmy: yes. last time you were here, you were living in our neighborhood. >> yes. i was living down the street from here. >> jimmy: right down the street, which seemed like a bad idea. >> i told the story about being mugged. and i was hoping i would get mugged so i would have another story. i don't want to get mugged.

anyway, i have moved. i moved into a house. >> jimmy: very good. you bought a house? >> i bought a house. and i live in it. when i moved in, not only did i buy it. i decided to live in it. >> jimmy: you went all the way with that. >> i like to make big moves. i went in. so, everything was empty. the people were moved out. went down to the basement. there were a couple of, like, paint cans there, you know, for various walls that had assigned paint color. >> jimmy: right. >> and on this workman's table against the wall of the basement, i saw something glimmering. upon closer inspection, i took a picture for you. i found two teeth. bloody teeth. >> jimmy: i'll hold this up. i thought you were going to say it was a jewel or something. >> nope. nope. >> jimmy: it looks like fresh blood. >> it is fresh blood. you don't know how to react because nobody does. >> jimmy: are they human teeth? >> they're definitely canine, if that they have to be incisors,

right? i don't know if they're from a dog. i immediately -- i have to tell you, i was freaked out. but i wasn't that freaked out because my older brother, john, had his wisdom teeth out in tenth grade or whatever. and for some reason, we kept them. this is so weird. he brought them home after he got them out. and he had them by the tv. and we sort of kept them there all of high school. >> jimmy: like part of the family. >> kind of. i was freaked out. anyway, i took them with me to work. and i threw them out on the 101, which is a highway. >> jimmy: what? >> i didn't want, like, anyone -- if it was on a pedestrian street and someone would like -- i wanted them out. i feel like they're haunted. they're like bloody teeth in my basement. >> jimmy: you mean, the garbage was not an option? >> they would come back. they would find their way back. >> jimmy: did you buy the house from an orthodontist or a voodoo priest or something like that? >> i almost wish. he was a lawyer. >> jimmy: was that in the real estate listing. >> i know what i'm looking for. >> jimmy: otherwise, is the

house normal? is it okay? >> it's very cold. and it often smells of pot. i don't smoke pot. for a while, i'm being serious, i thought there were ghosts smoking pot because -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> because of the teeth. and later on, i was talking. and my neighbor says, it smells like pot a lot. it's skunk. it's skunks around the neighborhood. >> jimmy: there's skunks. maybe these are skunk teeth. >> ew. you see -- >> jimmy: that's worse? >> yeah. it's not better. >> jimmy: than human teeth, i don't know. i think -- i don't know. to me, the skunk teeth would be preferable. "the office" has wrapped for the season, right? >> we just wrapped for the season. >> jimmy: the fourth season, correct? >> that i have been on. eighth season total, wrapped. but we really only count it since i've been on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's where it hit its stride. and your sister works on "the office," the sister better at french than you? >> si.

or oui. i didn't mean that. >> jimmy: your uncle will be horrified. >> he doesn't watch you. yes. she works -- >> jimmy: he doesn't? >> no, no. "the office." he doesn't watch "the office." he watches your show. >> jimmy: sure. >> that's what i meant. >> jimmy: your uncle doesn't watch? does your family watch the show? your sister's writing it. you're on the show. >> my family is very excited and proud, with the exception of my 90-year-old grandpa. he loves you. he loves stephen colbert. he hates "the office." >> jimmy: why? >> he doesn't get it. he doesn't know why it's so shaky. [ laughter ] he doesn't think it's funny. >> jimmy: why doesn't he think it's funny? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: why did he tell you this? >> exactly. beyond that, you don't think it's funny, half of your grandchildren are on it. but he's like -- i like that he doesn't pretend to watch it. i'll talk to him about an

episode. and he's like, i haven't seen it. i don't watch that show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what a lovely grandpa. >> he is very good. >> jimmy: maybe he'll like "21 jump street." maybe that's more up his ally. i thought the movie was very funny. i think that's going to be a huge hit. >> i hope so. >> jimmy: you play the teacher. >> miss griggs, yes. >> jimmy: i don't want to give too much away. i'll let you give it away. >> she finds two teeth -- no. she is a teacher -- my character has a crush on the -- they go as undercover cops to high school. >> jimmy: yes. i will. and i won't give too much away. but the movie is very funny. congratulations. i'm glad. i hope your grandfather appreciates it. will he go to see the film? >> he loves movies, yes. >> jimmy: ellie kemper, everyone. "21 jump street" opens in

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the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series, sponsored by bud light. >> jimmy: this is his self-titled album. here with the song "satisfaction," allen stone. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i've been givin' you love you've been givin' me ♪ ♪ pain and sorrow i been givin' you love ♪ ♪ and i was hoping your love would follow ♪ ♪ but now it seems

i'm just another ♪ ♪ quarter in your offering now it seems ♪ ♪ i'm just another victim in your schemes so ♪ what's it gonna take how many hearts ♪ ♪ you gonna break before you find satisfaction ♪ ♪ you're like a snake let me eat your fruit ♪ ♪ and then you shoot shoot till you ♪ ♪ find satisfaction satisfaction ♪ ♪ i've been giving you love you've been giving me ♪ ♪ nothing but excuses i've been giving you love ♪ ♪ you've been giving me conjugal visits ♪ ♪ but now it seems i'm just another ♪ ♪ quarter in your offering now it seems ♪ ♪ i'm just another victim in your schemes ♪ ♪ what's it gonna take how many hearts ♪ ♪ you gonna break before you find satisfaction ♪ ♪ you're like a snake let me eat your fruit ♪

♪ and then you shoot shoot till you ♪ ♪ find satisfaction satisfaction ♪ ♪ ♪ now it seems i'm just another ♪ ♪ quarter in your offering now it seems ♪ ♪ i'm just another victim in your schemes ♪ ♪ what's it gonna take how many hearts ♪ ♪ you gonna break before you find satisfaction ♪ ♪ you're like a snake let me eat your fruit ♪ ♪ and then you shoot shoot till you ♪ ♪ find satisfaction ♪ what's it gonna take how many hearts ♪ ♪ you gonna break before you find satisfaction ♪ ♪ you're like a snake

let me eat your fruit ♪ ♪ and then you shoot shoot till you ♪ ♪ find satisfaction satisfaction ♪ ♪ ooh, satisfaction satisfaction ♪ >> put your hands together like this, y'all. ♪ when you gonna find satisfaction ♪ ♪ when you gonna find satisfaction ♪ ♪ when you gonna find satisfaction ♪ ♪ when you gonna find satisfaction ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah

whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause ] the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series, sponsored by bud light.